Blind Fury
by PendulumDeath
Summary: It was true that Heiwajima Shizuo loathed Orihara Izaya, so his hatred for the Information Broker was bound to eventually burst into a fit of blind fury, that one moment of giving in to his rage turning their lives and those of the people around them upside down. How far will Izaya go before his thirst for revenge finally gets satisfied?
1. Darkness Descends

**NC-17, ( M/M, M/F )**

**Warnings:** _Rape, Trauma after rape, Violence, Dark, Hurt, Angst, Psychological Torture, Blood, Language_

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><p>No matter how many times Heiwajima Shizuo chased Orihara Izaya out of Ikebukuro, the Information Broker would always come back. It was an undeniable fact, and Shizuo held no pointless hope that things had miraculously changed in the span of a couple of days. Sighing in annoyance, his squinted eyes darted around in the vain hope of finding the insect―as Shizuo so often called his archenemy―but he was unable to locate him no matter how hard he focused on his task, the raindrops falling from the sky and splashing onto the pavement considerably lowering the visibility during dusk. Unfortunately, not spotting him right away did not mean that Izaya was not somewhere nearby, waiting for the right moment to reveal his disgusting smug face and ruin Shizuo's day, the insect's sole presence bringing about chaos in both his life and in the city that never seemed to sleep.<p>

It was always the same for Shizuo, the despicable louse showing up in Ikebukuro to either conduct shady business or to piss him off just for his own sick amusement, as though Izaya got his kicks out of riling him up on a daily basis. _The __flea should get in line_, thought a scowling Shizuo as he took out a cigarette from a slightly crumpled pack, placed it between his lips and lit it up. He took a drag from it and slowly exhaled the smoke, repeating the action a few more times until the itching need to satisfy his vice temporarily diminished. He felt as though he was a bomb ready to explode, and the fact that his day off from work couldn't have started any worse didn't exactly help matters either.

That morning, he was woken up from his sleep by someone knocking on the door, and no matter how hard he tried to ignore the noise grating on his nerves he eventually got out of bed, mind set on beating to a bloody pulp the person who didn't seem to know when to give up. There were three more knocks during the time it took Shizuo to get from his bed to the door, the desire to murder the man growing exponentially until reaching critical mass as the extremely aggravating sound somehow summoned vivid imagines of nails being hammered into his brain.

"'the hell you want?!" Shizuo snarled after he grabbed the handle and yanked it backwards, the door falling from one of its hinges from the sheer strength he put behind the action.

"He-Hei-Heiwajima Shi-Shizuo-san?" the man stuttered the name because of how badly his body shook with unadulterated terror.

"Yeah, what do you want?" Shizuo growled out the words while trying his best to keep his rage in check so that he wouldn't crush to fine dust the much smaller man before him after finally figuring out that he was there to deliver something―if the clothes he was wearing were anything to go by.

The handle broke in Shizuo's hand and the man yelped, his previously small eyes comically widening and almost bulging out of his skull at the terrifying display of raw strength. "I'm s-so so-sorry, Hei-Heiwajima-s-san!" the man stammered once again and took a deep bow before running away on shaky legs.

Shizuo blinked a few times as he watched the retreating form before he shrugged and moved to close the door. It was only then when he finally noticed the neat box placed against the outside wall of his apartment. As far as he knew, the man should've gotten his signature, so he scratched his head in confusion as he stared at it for a few moments before he bent down to pick it up in order to identify the sender. His expression softened a bit when he read the name written on the label, after which he gently lifted the box, turned around and kicked the door shut behind him. He could feel the tension in his body slowly starting to ebb away, and he smiled fondly as he sat down on the couch and proceeded to open the package. Judging by the look and the size of the box, he had an idea about what was inside, so when his eyes fell on the unexpected, he didn't know how to react.

"Eh?!" Shizuo exclaimed none too smartly. For once, he was at a complete loss for words. He blinked a few times, but then his brows furrowed in confusion and he clenched his fingers into the expensive-looking material of the varied clothing articles before he picked them up one by one and dropped them on the couch, not expecting to receive such gifts from his little brother because Kasuka usually sent him bartender uniforms as an incentive for him to work hard on keeping his job at the bar.

He thought that would be all, so he felt his stomach churn when his eyes fell on the seemingly innocent piece of paper placed at the bottom of the now empty box. His limbs shook with fine tremors as he slowly picked it up and opened it, after which his vision started wavering while his mind assimilated the meaning of the written words.

_These should be of more help to you_

_now that you've lost your job at the bar._

_Love, Kasuka_

A feeling of shame flooded his entire being, and the belief that he had once again disappointed his precious little brother tore his heart apart. He slowly balled his hand into a clenched fist, crumpling the accursed piece of paper and puncturing skin with how hard he was squeezing it. Droplets of blood fell down on the worn-out carpet, but he couldn't have noticed with how hard his mind was being bombarded by strong feelings of self-loathing.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, now he knows that I lost my job,_ he thought in a panic, unsure of how to face Kasuka now that his younger sibling had most likely realized that his brother was a lost cause. Feeling completely defeated, he reclined against the couch and covered his eyes with the back of his other hand while hopelessness overtook both his body and mind. He stayed like that for a long time, drowning in self-loathing as he recalled all those times when he ended up disappointing his friends and family because of his unrestrained rage. It was always the same, with him trying his best to lead a normal life until the smallest of things set him off and he would end up destroying everyone and everything in his path. He was aware that he had problems and that he was beyond help, but it still hurt to know there was nothing he could do to change the awful human being that he was. _No, not a human being, a monster, _he thought dejectedly, and since he lacked the will to even do something as simple as getting up, he stared at the ceiling for a long time as the hours ticked by awfully slow while his mind was being bombarded by all sorts of painful memories.

That had been his day until then, along with aimlessly wandering Ikebukuro's streets for hours on end because the air in his apartment felt terribly suffocating. Scowling, he retrieved the lighter and the almost empty cigarette pack from the pocket of his bartender uniform pants before he pulled one out and placed it between his lips. He sighed as the taste of nicotine flooded his lungs after the first smoke, and he only managed to go through a quarter of the cigarette before the rain suddenly started pouring and he was forced to get rid of it while he waited inside a store. Heiwajima Shizuo was the sort of creature who enjoyed basking in the sun all day long, the proof being the ever present purple tinted-glasses that he wore. He hated the rain in general, but at that moment he despised it more than usual because the cold air seeping into his bones was making him more irritated than he already was. At some point he tried to block the annoying voices buzzing around him, but that proved to be an impossible feat. Resigning himself to his fate, he leaned against the doorway and watched the gloomy outside world as the cover of the night progressively settled upon the usually lively city, the rain slowly relenting until finally stopping all together.

Growing tired of brooding over his general inadequacy, Shizuo figured that it was best to simply go home and sleep it off because there was nothing else for him to do besides waiting for the next day when he'd go back to work and hopefully vent his fury on some scum who deserved to get his head repeatedly slammed into a wall. For once in his life, he really wanted to brutally beat up someone.

Mind set on going back to his apartment, he sighed and ran a hand through his dyed locks in resignation, but before he even had a chance to take a step outside the store, the bane of his existence that was Orihara Izaya passed him by with nary a care in the world, the man's face looking as smug and cheerful as ever. Muscles tensing, he growled and convulsively flexed his hands in a desire to viciously crush the loathsome insect. After all, it was Izaya's fault that he'd disappointed Kasuka once again. "Kill, kill, kill," he muttered, and the people around him quickly made themselves scarce at the first sign of peril.

_Today you die! Today I'll fucking kill you no matter what!_


	2. Breaking Evil

It was getting dark outside when the rain finally stopped pouring over Ikebukuro, a thick fog quickly settling over the city. There weren't many people on the streets, but the bone-chilling cold wasn't something that could keep someone like Orihara Izaya away from his beloved humans. He usually had ulterior motives for showing up in Ikebukuro, like feeding Shizuo's enmity towards him out of pure, twisted amusement or trying to start a gang war, but this time around he was hoping not to run into the man because he was enjoying his evening stroll. Out of nowhere, he felt a sense of foreboding as a chill ran down his spine, and he knew it wasn't from the cold the moment he got hit by a vending machine, his body flying unceremoniously through the air before he fell head first into concrete, the unconventional weapon having been savagely thrown at him by none other than Heiwajima Shizuo, the only human that Izaya could never love.

"IIIZAAAAYAAAA!" a monstrous voice boomed throughout the street, Ikebukuro's beast heading towards him with quick edgy strides.

Ignoring the pain that bloomed inside his brain the moment his head collided with the ground a bit too hard, Izaya struggled to get up before the beast would catch him and tear him apart, the man's antics never failing to amuse him regardless of the pain he was in. He pulled out with a shaky hand the switchblade he always carried with him in the right pocket of his coat and he spun around, brown-red eyes falling on the incarnation of Wrath stomping towards him. "Ahh, Shizu-cha~an! I had a feeling it was you," he greeted in a singsong voice, knowing that the sound alone would grate on his archenemy's nerves.

With his control hanging on nothing more than a thread, Shizuo barely managed to stop before reaching Izaya. To put into words how angry the flea's mere presence made him was impossible, so he tightly shut his eyes and took a deep breath in order to be able to speak as opposed to mindlessly charge forward. "I thought I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro," he finally snarled, honey-colored eyes opening and boring holes into his foe.

Izaya snickered, their routine always starting with the same words they had told each other a thousand times before. "Ah, but Shizu-chan, when have I ever listened to you?"

Unsurprisingly, the meager control Shizuo had shattered the moment the insect's words reached his ears. "Kill! Kill! Kill!" he chanted through clenched teeth like it was some sort of mantra while his whole body shook in uncontrolled rage.

One glance at the barely leashed fury in the beast's gaze told Izaya that was his queue for getting the hell out of there, so without further delay he spun around and started running in the opposite direction, the force of nature that was Heiwajima Shizuo hot on his heels. If this was any other day, he would've lost Shizuo in a matter of minutes, but this time around it felt different. For some peculiar reason, Shizuo seemed much faster and angrier than usual, and as though such a thing wasn't already bad enough, Izaya was having a hard time avoiding the obstacles in his path, his head injury throwing off his balance to the point that he could no longer effortlessly flip, twirl or soar through the air the way he usually did. His headache also kept growing in intensity the more he ran and he knew that he couldn't afford to play with Ikebukuro's beast while possibly sporting a concussion. Knowing from experience that Shizuo didn't usually bother to chase him outside of Ikebukuro, he concluded that the best way to get rid of him was to go back to Shinjuku.

With that thought in mind he turned left and jumped over a fence to put some distance between himself and his pursuer, almost twisting his ankle in the process when he roughly landed on the other side. He heard a loud noise from behind him and he smiled, immediately assuming that the brute had most likely brought down the fence instead of jumping over it because Shizuo was like a tornado knocking down everything in its path. Mind going in overdrive to find a way to escape, he finally remembered there was a building with a back exit nearby, so he took a sudden left and rushed towards it, hoping to lose Shizuo through the intricate hallways. He dashed through the front door and continued to sprint, their rushed footsteps resonating throughout the empty hallways.

Unfortunately, Shizuo was unyielding in his thirst for blood, and Izaya was starting to worry that he wouldn't be able to escape the man hunting him after the beast had almost succeeded in getting his monstrous hands on him a few times. To his chagrin, all his attempts at losing Shizuo by the time he reached the back exit had miserably failed. "Shizu-can is being so persistent today~!" he said out loud, annoyed that his stroll through Ikebukuro had ended in such a fiasco.

"You have no idea, flea!" Shizuo roared and threw a trash can at Izaya, hoping to smack the insect straight into that messed up head of his.

Izaya chuckled as he elegantly evaded it even though he was starting to feel faint from being chased for so long by the relentless beast behind him. "Tsk, tsk, that's not good enough, Shizu-cha~an! You're going to have to try harde~er!" he sang, and he noted with some amusement that his bad habit of taunting the man each time they ran into each other was clearly impossible to get rid of.

Behind him, Shizuo was fuming, his frustration increasing exponentially after each failed attempt because every time he got close enough to catch the flea, Izaya would somehow manage to slip through his fingers. If only he could somehow catch the bastard, he would make him pay; he would kick that scrawny ass until the insect couldn't get up anymore and just couldn't talk back to him. Unable to think straight anymore, he roared as he grabbed the nearest street sign and swung it left and right in a frenzy, trying to land a hit on the slippery bastard.

Izaya evaded each hit, this time a bit slower than before, and kept on running through the narrow streets for a while, doing his best to throw the beast off his scent. He was starting to feel like a hunted animal and he couldn't remember ever getting this impression during any of his previous bouts with Shizuo. He grit his teeth harder in frustration and tried to further increase his velocity while his heart beat wildly inside his rib cage from the sheer effort it took to run at such speed while feeling queasy.

After a while, he chanced a look backwards and sighed in relief when he saw that he had finally succeeded in losing Shizuo, but he didn't stop yet, wanting to put some distance between himself and the beast before finally slowing down and walking at a normal pace. He sighed in relief when he realized what a close call it'd been, and he couldn't help but wonder just what might've happened to make Shizuo so much angrier than usual. It seemed to have something to do with him, but he couldn't remember doing anything in particular that day to piss off the beast except for showing up in Ikebukuro, but that was the norm by then. His hand went up to gingerly touch the injury on his head, but he ended up wincing every time his fingertips touched the swollen skin. Unfortunately, he was so distracted that he didn't notice any presence nearby until it was too late and he was grabbed by the neck, pulled into an alley, and then slammed into the brick wall hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs.

"I've finally caught you, bastard," Shizuo growled, his expression bordering on insanity as he glared at his enemy with all the cruelty in the world. He tightened his hold around Izaya's neck and pushed harder, almost squashing him between his body and the wall. Now that the insect was finally in his grasp, at his mercy, he would not let him go without breaking every bone in that body. He could already picture it in his mind, all the ways in which he would make him scream in agony, but the euphoric moment didn't last long because the silence was shattered by Izaya who started tittering, the suppressed snigger blowing into full-fledged laughter in a matter of seconds.

"What now, Shizu-chan? Are you going to kill me?" Izaya inquired in a derisive tone after he'd finally stopped laughing. He knew that Ikebukuro's beast was a lot of things, but a murderer was not one of them.

Snarling, Shizuo kept squeezing the frail neck until the previously pale face started turning blue. He couldn't understand how Izaya could still laugh in his face after being caught, the man's attitude making him wonder if perhaps the insect was insane. It was a child's play for him to break the flea's neck as if it was a twig, and yet Izaya didn't seem to comprehend the danger he was in. Reluctantly, Shizuo loosened his grip, barely restraining himself from wringing the bastard's neck once and for all.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Izaya continued after he'd finally stopped wheezing, his lips set into a malicious smirk. "I have a feeling that Shizu-chan can't kill anyone because he's all bark and no bite."

Shizuo once again tightened his grip around Izaya's neck but otherwise stayed quiet, a violent storm going on inside his mind. He knew the man was taunting him because that was what Izaya always did whenever they ran into each other, but it still annoyed him to see how easily he could get riled up, like the flea knew exactly which buttons to push in order to make him lose his sanity and send him into a murderous frenzy. His eyes narrowed into slits and he stared at the insect, trying to decide what to do next.

Irritated that Shizuo was just scowling at him instead of doing something, Izaya started struggling in the hope of somehow freeing himself from the brutish grip so that he could get away from there, but no matter how hard he tried to push him away he was unsuccessful, the task of shoving Ikebukuro's beast away from his person being no easier than trying to move a mountain. Jaw stiffening, he glared back at the man as the prolonged silence somehow made him nervous; after all, it wasn't in the beast's nature to hold him there against the wall without doing anything.

The sound of a thunder splitting the sky in half seemed to have finally snapped Shizuo from wherever his mind had been wandering because he peeled Izaya off the wall and dragged him towards the far end of the alley where he shoved him off roughly before backing away just a bit. Izaya raised his head and looked up into his enemy's eyes, a shiver running down his spine when he saw the way in which they shun into the darkness of the night. He despised feeling trapped, so he pushed himself to his feet, took out the switchblade from inside the pocket of his coat and pointed it in his opponent's direction, ready to fight his way out of there through whatever means necessary. "Shizu-chan is being awfully quiet tonight," he observed, frowning.

Shizuo glowered at the disgusting insect before him and shoved quivering hands inside the pockets of his pants before taking a deep breath and looking up at the murky sky. "I hate you, flea," he finally said through clenched teeth and lowered his eyes until they made contact with Izaya's brown-red ones. "I hate you so much that I can barely restrain myself from tearing you apart right now." He withdrew his cigarettes and lighter from his pockets and flicked open the lighter, the flame dancing for a moment before it wavered in the draft and forced him to cup a hand and incline his head in order to light up the cigarette. Smirking, he took a drag from it, the fire flickering in the darkness and reflecting into Izaya's rusty-red, almost blood-colored eyes. "You'll never even think of coming back to Ikebukuro after tonight," he announced in a confident tone as he pushed the lighter and the cigarette pack back into his pockets before advancing towards Izaya like a predator closing in on its cornered prey.

Izaya dashed forward and tried to thrust the blade into Shizuo's chest the second he sensed the bloodlust, but his attack failed miserably because of how dizzy he was feeling and he ended up getting viciously punched in the face. He nearly blacked out with how hard he'd been hit, but he clung to consciousness and went for a second attack which unfortunately proved to be nothing more than a fruitless attempt when his wrist was caught and almost crushed by a strong hand, his own fingers loosening around the handle of the switchblade until the weapon fell from his hand and hit the wet pavement with a loud clack. He tried to wring himself from the iron grip, but Shizuo kept twisting his arm until he was forced to get down on his knees to avoid getting it fractured, the humiliating position increasing the already deep ire he held for the man before him. _This hurts,_ he thought, but he still craned his head upwards and gazed defiantly into Shizuo's hateful eyes.

"Kill! Kill! Kill!" Shizuo snarled and raised his arm to bash the louse's head in, but his fist halted in mid-air when Izaya's tongue darted forward to lick the split bloody lip. An unexpected wave of lust hit him so hard that he nearly staggered backwards in shock, and he shook his head in an attempt to snap out of it. When that didn't work, he tried to inhale some much needed air, but his breath hitched when Izaya used his free hand to wipe some of the blood away, the accursed flea only succeeding in further smearing it across his lips. He felt the world starting to spin around him for what felt like an eternity and then finally go back into focus when Izaya's voice sliced through the fog in his mind.

"Aww, Shizu-chan, that was not very nice of you. You know how much it hurts my feelings when you get so rough with me for no reason," he jeered, struggling to keep his voice steady even though he was in a lot of pain because of the way in which the man kept squeezing his wrist.

"I have plenty of reasons to bash your head in. Besides, how can I hurt something that never existed to begin with?" Shizuo muttered through too dry lips, still somewhat startled by his body's messed up reaction. No matter how he looked at it, something was very wrong with him if the quickly hardening shaft in his pants was any indication. He shook his head, refusing to admit that he got turned on by the sight of a bloody and defeated Orihara Izaya kneeling at his feet.

"Now you're just being mean," Izaya replied after a while, pouting.

"This is it, flea, it's now or never. Just as you are now, on your knees in front of me, sincerely apologize for all the shit you've done to me over the years and I'll let you go."

Izaya burst into laughter for a second time that night. "Shizu-chan is being really silly if he thinks that I will ever apologize to him. I have done nothing that warrants an apology," he chirped. He had to admit that the beast's request was the funniest thing he'd heard in quite a while.

"Except for ruining my life, but you don't seem to give a shit about it," barked a seething Shizuo as he grabbed Izaya by the hood of his coat, yanked him up after loosening his grip on the bruised wrist and then knocked their heads together as hard as he could.

Izaya hanged there limply in Shizuo's grasp for a few seconds, until his vision came back into focus and he saw the switchblade shine at their feet. He elbowed Shizuo in the chin in an attempt to free himself, but the man crashed a knee into his chest so viciously that Izaya felt one or more of his ribs crack under the monstrous force behind the blow, the violent action successfully stopping him from reaching the weapon. He staggered backwards, gasping in both pain and shock, and there was nothing he could've done to stop the beast before it grabbed the knife and stomped towards him. He tried to get away, but Shizuo caught him and covered his mouth with one hand, using the other one to shove him into the wall. As expected, his broken rib or ribs protested at the savage treatment, and he found himself suffocating from lack of air.

Consumed by hatred and mindless rage, Shizuo drove the knife into Izaya's thigh deep enough to feel its tip grate against the leg's bone. He didn't stop there, he couldn't; he wanted the louse to suffer more, just as he had suffered over the years as a result of the bastard's schemes. Gazing into Izaya's wide and terrified eyes, he released his hold on the switchblade still deeply embedded into a quivering thigh and took a drag from the cigarette hanging loosely between his lips before he blew the smoke into the insect's face and pressed the burning tip against the pale neck, the smaller body twitching in pain as the once flawless skin sizzled under the scorching heat. He didn't know why he felt the need to do that, but the way Izaya's expression twisted into one of fear and agony only made him want to hurt the insect more.

Izaya was in too much of a daze to be able to think of anything else besides the burning pain radiating from his thigh and neck, the sensation only intensifying the moment the blade was wrenched out of his leg. He was vaguely aware that Shizuo was pushing him down on the ground and then turning him face down, every movement making the pain a thousand times worse than before. He almost felt relief when he finally stopped moving, but the feeling was soon replaced by dread when his head was yanked backwards and he felt the cold metallic edge of his own switchblade being pressed against his throat.

"I gave you a chance to walk away," Shizuo growled, drowning in a sea of hatred, "but you laughed in my face instead of taking it."

Even through the agonizing pain, Izaya still managed to laugh at the words being spoken to him. As expected, the sharp edge of the blade swayed for a moment before being pushed harder into his skin, and Izaya fought to stand still in order to not get his throat slashed out by the maddened beast. If Shizuo thought that he would beg for mercy, then the beast had another thing coming. "A-and I'll k-keep laughing," he tried to taunt him in a cheerful tone, but his voice shook with the effort it took to speak.

Being the gasoline thrown into the fire that his hatred for the man was, Izaya's words made Shizuo's body quake in blind fury, and with the battle against the last traces of his control lost, he removed the switchblade from the pale throat and banged the man's head so hard into the pavement that a few droplets of blood spattered on the wet stone surface where they mixed with the rain water. "This is exactly what I mean. You're a bastard, Izaya," he growled, "but you know what? If you keep fucking with people, one of these days you'll get fucked in return. As a matter of fact, today is such a day."

Izaya didn't know what Shizuo meant until he felt his coat and shirt being roughly pushed up his body. Confused, he froze for a second, after which he started to struggle for all he was worth as the wheels in his brain finally started to turn. _No way, _he thought, a faint sound of disbelief slipping past his lips.He tried to throw the beast off of him, but Shizuo twisted his left arm behind his back, successfully subduing him once again. _Is he really going to―_

Panicking, he tried to scratch Shizuo's face when the beast got close to his ear, but instead of injuring his attacker he got his right hand caught by the blond who twisted it until the wrist broke with a sickening crunch. Izaya screamed, and the broken appendage was released in favor of covering his mouth with bruising force in order to muffle the pained screams. Only when what would've been piercing cries finally died down did the hand retract and made its way down his back and towards his pants. "S-Shizuo, you c-can't do t-this," he stammered, dreading what would happen if the beast didn't stop.

"Shut up!" Shizuo ordered, fingers curling around Izaya's belt.

"You can't do this!"

"I said shut the fuck up!" he snarled and ripped Izaya's belt off before he proceeded to tug down the man's pants and briefs.

"Are you insane?!" screeched the Informant, Shizuo's incongruous intentions completely throwing him off.

_Yeah, flea, I'm insane, you made me this way. This is your fault. If only you had left me alone... If only you didn't fucking exist,_ he bellowed inside his head because he couldn't stop his body from needing to fuck Izaya into the ground any more than he couldn't stop it from wrecking havoc whenever mindless rage took over and he felt the urge to crush something, someone, anyone.

"Shizuo!" Izaya shouted, hoping to somehow wake him up from the insanity plaguing that brutish mind. "T-This is too much even for you!" he continued, his trembling voice giving away the fear he felt seeping through his veins.

"Shut the fuck up, Izaya!" roared Ikebukuro's beast. "Fucking flea," he continued, "I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget." His own words sounded foreign, disturbing, like someone else was speaking, but it wasn't enough to deter him. There was also an inner voice begging him to stop before it was too late, and yet the words couldn't reach him when his ears pounded with the sound of his own blood, and the hatred for the man and the desire to destroy him were stronger than his wish to not be a monster. It was easier to succumb to the madness than to fight it.

The sounds of Shizuo's buckle unfastening almost made Izaya whimper, the belt's ominous rattling noise making the whole situation that much more real and terrifying. "S-Shi-zu―" he started and then nearly whimpered again when he heard the zipper being lowered before he felt the beast's hard member prod his backside. Completely panicking, he started struggling again, knowing what to expect if he couldn't reason his way out of it. Not even someone like him deserved such a fate. "I don't de―" was the only thing he managed to say before Shizuo covered his mouth with bruising force and brutally thrust into him. He shrieked into the hand covering his mouth as he felt his body being speared through, his fearless facade instantly getting obliterated by the intense torrent of anguish shattering his mind.

Above him, Shizuo groaned, teeth grinding harder against each other the further he tried to push himself in. Once he could go no further, he pulled out agonizingly slow and then buried himself deeper with each new thrust until he was fully sheathed inside Izaya and the flea's bottom was pressed against his hips. He stilled for a few seconds, panting heavily, until he regained his control and started violently thrusting in and out of the quivering body, determined to make the insect regret ever fucking with him; until the 'great' Informant begged for mercy.

Izaya's smaller body convulsed in agony, hot white pain incinerating him from the inside while his resolution to not show his enemy any tears quickly broke with each new vicious thrust. The overwhelming stench of blood made him feel nauseous, and the wetness between his legs, as well as the squishing noise he could hear each time Shizuo thrust into him served as a clear indication that he was bleeding, the tissue tearing being the only way to accommodate the monstrous piece of flesh sliding in and out of him.

"How does it feel to be fucked raw by the person you hate the most?" Shizuo hissed the question through gritted teeth.

Izaya's indignation reached monumental heights, and the sheer disgrace of it all riled him up. He started struggling with renewed strength, but his frantic attempts at freeing himself quickly turned out to be futile when Shizuo twisted his arm harder and shoved himself in with a brutal jab. A keening sound spilled through bloody lips at the unexpected force of the thrust and Izaya immediately cursed himself for his mistake, the unintentional pathetic display he had just shown his enemy only serving to further heighten his misery.

"Broken already, flea?"

"No, no, of c-course not, Shizu-chan, I'm m-merely waiting f-for you to r-resume our sweet love-making," Izaya sniffled, his voice faltering a little as he breathed out. He was struggling to sound as indifferent as possible, all the while fighting not to break into sobbing as he couldn't even move an inch without feeling that hot pulsating rod painfully rub against his torn inner walls.

Shizuo stilled for a moment, his muscles tensing. He couldn't believe that the flea still dared to act so defiant. "You little shit, just die!" he viciously spat out the words.

Izaya couldn't fight anymore. Everything hurt, especially his pride, and he was painfully reminded of the difference in strength when Shizuo tightened the hold he had on his left wrist and resumed his earlier activity of brutally pounding into him. Jaw stiffening, he refused to beg for mercy, the only proof of his agony being a lone tear running down his cheek. When it came to brute strength, he was no match for Ikebukuro's beast, and all he could do was lay there in a humiliating state of complete helplessness, waiting for Shizuo to finish and leave him the fuck alone. The pain alone was excruciating, but the knowledge of what was being done to him was unbearable.

Maddened by the hatred he felt towards his enemy, Shizuo pushed Izaya's bleeding head into the wet concrete, released the frail wrist, seized a slender hip and pulled it up until the flea was on his knees, subsequently putting more strain on the injured leg. Satisfied with the new position, he continued from where he'd left off, trying to engrave the pain in every inch of that pale body so that the insect would never be able to forget.

"Ahh... h-hurts," Izaya sniveled between thrusts when the air wasn't being knocked out of his lungs while his left hand clawed at the ground in an attempt to get away from the onslaught of pain.

"It's supposed to hurt, you dumb fuck!" Shizuo sneered and pushed Izaya's head harder into the pavement.

"My leg, it hurts!" Izaya shrieked between breaths that sounded like sobs. It was too much, it hurt too much, he just wanted it to _stop_. Unable to withstand the pain any longer, he finally allowed his tears to freely fall down his face.

Shizuo didn't say anything. Instead, Izaya felt the fingers in his hair tighten, his head being lifted into the air and then slammed so ruthlessly into the ground that a strangled cry escaped him as pain bloomed into his brain, his vision wavering and darkness creeping at the edges of his awareness. Cold tendrils of genuine fear started spreading throughout his body at the terrifying thought that Shizuo might really kill him before everything was over, and a maelstrom of emotions assaulted his addled mind at the idea of dying such a horrible death. He sobbed as fresh pain radiated up his spine, Shizuo's brutal thrusts increasing in both viciousness and speed.

_Please finish already, please stop, please let me go, _he wanted to say, but he never did, the only thing stopping him from doing so being the last remnants of his crushed pride and his hatred towards Shizuo as he struggled with everything he had to deny Ikebukuro's beast the pleasure of knowing just how badly he had broken him. After what felt like an eternity, when Izaya knew that he wouldn't last for much longer before reaching his limit and giving the beast what he wanted, Shizuo rammed into him hard enough to send him scraping along the ground and then buried himself deep within before finally coming with a deafening roar, pulling a few strands of hair and almost shattering a heavily bruised hip in the process. The sound sliced through Izaya's hazy consciousness like a blade and he couldn't help but let the loud pained cry climbing up his throat burst through bloody split lips.

He felt cold, _dead―_even though the unbearable pain told him that he was still alive―and intense abhorrence welled up within him at the thought of the beast's seed coating his torn insides. As soon as Shizuo's hold on him loosened he willed himself to move forward with his still working arm and leg, the need to do something, anything, to regain any shred of dignity spurring him on. The feeling of Shizuo's member sliding out of him, followed by his own blood and the man's seed gushing out of his torn hole made a nauseating feeling burn through the pit of his stomach, and it was no wonder that his face was slick with tears from the emotional upheaval and the unbearable pain he had been forced to endure at the hands of such a monster. He heard the brute curse and he turned around on instinct, only to regret it when his red-rimmed and bloodshot eyes were met with the sight of Shizuo tucking the bloody softening member into his pants. The world swirled around him and he collapsed on the cold cement, his arms unable to support his upper body any longer while his exhausted mind was tempted to sink into the sluggishness and to let go until his consciousness plummeted into darkness.

_Disgusting,_was the word that kept repeating itself into a loop inside his mind while he scrunched his eyes in order to chase away the accursed image. He twitched at the memory of the stabbing pain that bloody thing made him feel, and when he couldn't get rid of it, he opened his eyes, trying to blink away the blurriness of his vision only to lock them with the one who had done such an unforgivable thing to him, the man's honey-brown eyes boring into his dark, almost red ones so intensely that Izaya felt as though he was suffocating. He was too afraid to even breathe, terrified that if he moved a single muscle he would provoke the beast into finishing him off, so they stayed like that for a while, the world freezing around them until the monster finally broke eye contact.

"Now we're even," Shizuo informed him just before he turned around and started walking away, the sounds of footsteps splashing on wet pavement painfully resonating throughout Izaya's distressed mind.

Eyelids fluttering shut, Izaya took a few ragged breaths, finding it hard to believe that he had succeeded in surviving the ordeal. _Finally alone,_he thought, his lower lip quivering as he curled in on himself, wild shivers wracking his frail frame and his body starting to go into shock. _Even? No, Heiwajima Shizuo, we're not even, not even close. There's a chasm between what I've done to you over the years and what you just did to me._


	3. In Death's Embrace

As much as he wanted to stay there and not move a single muscle, he knew that he had to get up and go home, least he wanted to die like a dog in that dirty alley where he'd just been raped. He could already imagine someone finding his bleeding sodomized corpse, the sight of it enough to most likely traumatize any of his humans for the rest of their lives. Disgust welled up inside of him at the thought, and he steeled his mind on getting out of there no matter what. Grinding his chattering teeth harder, he crawled towards the nearest window, grabbed the metal bars with his left hand and pushed himself up using his uninjured leg, the task of just standing making him want to welcome the blissful unconsciousness bordering on the limits of his awareness.

Not trusting his legs not to buckle, he hung onto the bars for dear life. His eyes were scrunched up in agony and gasps escaped in a jumbled mess at the sheer effort it took to simply keep standing, but he knew that he couldn't afford to lose consciousness no matter how much his tattered body told him otherwise. He stayed like that for a while, trying to get accustomed to the vivid pain tearing his mind to shreds. His vision flickered once his eyelids fluttered open, and as he took a look at his surroundings, he finally recognized the place where the beast had dragged him and showed him just how easily he could break him. Shizuo had been smart to pick that particular spot, a testimony to the fact that the man knew the area very well, the buildings surrounding him having been abandoned due to the risk of collapsing during a major earthquake.

A jolt of acute pain raced through his entire body, bringing Izaya back to the matter of getting home before he really passed out. He waited for a bit longer to make sure that he wouldn't faint at the first movement before he bent down and struggled to pull up his pants with only one working and trembling hand, the task proving to be more difficult than he had first imagined because the material kept slipping though his stiff cold fingers as he struggled to tug them up. He almost sighed in relief when they were finally back in place, but the feeling was short-lived when he realized that one of his shoes was missing. His eyes darted around the place until he finally spotted it not far from where he was standing. He took a step towards it in an attempt to reach it, but he ended up throwing up the moment more of his blood and the beast's seed gushed from his abused hole, the disgusting feeling making his stomach turn upside down.

He cursed Shizuo to hell and back, his head pounding much worse than before and the blood from the injuries on his head burning his eyes each time he blinked. When he was finally done puking he wiped his mouth and tightly held his broken wrist as he breathed in and out, disheveled. His drenched body was trembling from both the shock and the cold, agonized whimpers squeezing out between his teeth for a few moments until he scrubbed a hand over his bloodied face, aware that if he didn't start moving soon he would end up having a complete mental breakdown. He proceeded forward, limping towards the shoe until he managed to get to it and slip it on. With a stabbed, swollen leg, a bleeding, torn ass and a broken rib and wrist, his body protested each time he took a step forward, hurting in ways he never thought possible.

He started moving at a snail's pace, back hunched from the intense pain as he dragged his broken body while trying to ignore the pain, at the same time struggling to stop the events of that evening from replaying in his distressed mind, not noticing the person behind him until he was grabbed by the arm and spun around. As he recoiled from the contact, his back hit the wall he was previously leaning against, and he stared in fright at the person before him, trying to remember why the face looked familiar.

"Do you need help?" the person asked mechanically, but it seemed like Izaya was having a hard time recalling words and what they meant. "Can you hear me? Are you all right?" the man tried again, but there was still no answer. "Orihara-san, what's wrong with you?"

Finally recognizing his own name, Izaya's eyelids fluttered in an attempt to get rid of the blurriness so that he could look better at the person before him. "Who are you?" he asked in a voice so low that the other man had to strain his ears in order to hear him.

"You don't remember? It's me, Kasuka."

"Kasuka…" Izaya repeated slowly, trying to find the information hidden inside the fog in his mind.

"Heiwajima Kasuka, Shizuo's younger brother."

"Heiwajima…" Izaya repeated before something in his mind clicked and he shuddered in intense terror as he tried to tear himself away from the fingers capturing his arm.

"Calm down, I only wish to help," Kasuka assured him as he released his hold, causing Izaya's feeble body to plummet to the ground like a rock. He immediately bent down to pick him up, only for his hand to halt in mid-air when he saw those terrified bloodshot brown-red eyes staring at him as though he had been the one to hurt him.

"Did Shizuo s-send you h-here?" Izaya asked in a shaky voice, panic surging at the thought of the beast sending his little brother to finish him off.

"No, I haven't talked to him in a while. I'm sorry, Orihara-san, I only wanted to help," Kasuka spoke softly, unable to comprehend why Izaya was so shaken by his presence.

Realizing that Kasuka had seen the fear in his eyes, Izaya lowered his head in an attempt to hide his face from view, only to raise it again when he heard the sound of a phone opening and of buttons being pressed. "W-What are you doing?" he nearly squeaked and eyed the man suspiciously, wondering if perhaps he was calling the beast to inform him that his archenemy was wounded.

"Calling an ambulance," was Kasuka's curt answer.

"Don't! Stop!" Izaya hurried to demand, aware that Kasuka would never call an ambulance if he knew what Shizuo had done.

"You need help. The injuries on your head look really bad," Kasuka insisted.

"S-Stop it!" Izaya half-begged and half-demanded, panic-stricken at the thought of anyone ever finding out about the shameful things that had been done to him. He apprehensively waited for Kasuka's response, the hands he tucked beneath his arms shaking with fine tremors as the uncertainty of what the monster's brother would do next seemed to endlessly drag on.

After a few long moments of awkward silence, Kasuka snapped the phone shut and pushed it back inside the right pocket of his jacket before opening his mouth and speaking in the same monotone voice he always used regardless of the situation he was in. "Can I at least take you home?"

Izaya gazed deep into Kasuka's eyes to see if there was any malice in them, but all he could see was emptiness, which was the opposite of what he was used to seeing when it came to the beast, so he nodded, finally understanding that he couldn't get home by himself in the state he was in. He watched as Kasuka called a cab and then waited until the car arrived. He had considered that option too, but he doubted that any driver would let him in when his clothes were soaked in blood.

As expected, he heard the two men arguing, but he couldn't focus on what they were saying nor did he care enough to try to make out their words, not when his head was painfully throbbing. It was only when Kasuka called his name and offered a hand to help him up that he was brought back to reality.

He took it hesitantly and got up with the other man's help, all the while trying to fight off the disgust he felt at having Shizuo's brother touch him. He was in too much pain to even stand let alone walk, so he leaned against Kasuka and limped towards the cab. The hardest part came when they reached the car, and he tried his best to not to cry out in agony when he had to sit down on the backseat. He heard more than watched Kasuka close the door before the man went around the car to sit with him, all the while the asphyxiating pain in his backside almost bringing fresh tears to his eyes. He ruthlessly bit into lower lip, hoping to stifle any sounds threatening to come out the moment the car started moving. He was unwilling to let others know just how badly he was hurting. _I just want to go home,_ he thought, despairing, before he sank into the sluggishness and allowed his body to fall to the side when the cab took a tight corner, his head somehow ending up in Kasuka's lap. "I'm… sorry. I just c-can't―"

"It's okay, Orihara-san, don't worry about it," Kasuka said, briefly wondering what exactly had happened to his brother's enemy. It was none of his business though, and as soon as he made sure that Izaya got home, he'd be on his way. It was more than most people would've done, considering what the man had done to Shizuo over the years. "Orihara-san… can you hear me?"

"Y-Yeah," he answered weakly.

"Where do you live?"

It surprised Izaya that it didn't even cross his mind to inform the driver of his home address. Normally, he would've easily recalled the information, but at that moment he found it extremely difficult to remember, especially when all he could think about was the pain between his legs and the wetness causing wild shivers to wrack his broken frame. Gritting his teeth in frustration, he scrunched his eyes shut and tried to fish out the information he needed out of the violent storm going on inside his mind. He whispered it to Kasuka when he eventually found it because talking just hurt too much, especially when his throat was sore from so much screaming, and then waited for the beast's brother to relay the information to the driver before he could finally allow his consciousness to succumb to the darkness bordering on the edges of his awareness.

It didn't though. Instead, he stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, not even caring that he was leaning against the monster's brother. It felt as though he was drowning in a deep dark abyss where all he knew was agony―the suffocating pain leaving his mind in tatters―until he was forcibly pulled out of it when Kasuka shook him awake and told him they had arrived at the apartment building. Grabbing onto the front seat, he tried to pull himself up but failed, so he waited until Kasuka opened the door and helped him out. Fresh blood gushed from between his legs the moment he stood up again, and a pathetic whimper almost slipped past his tightly shut lips at the thought of having to walk. "The key is in the right p-pocket of my pants, and my wrist is b-broken, so I can't grab it," he finally said, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible so that he could finally allow himself the privilege of surrendering to the darkness tempting him with its sweet promise of oblivion.

Kasuka nodded and proceeded to unbutton the man's coat and pull out the keys, not failing to notice the way in which the smaller body trembled in what seemed to be apprehension. He tried not to think about why that was because it was none of his business, so instead he distracted his mind by paying attention to the man's pained noises so as to not aggravate his injuries as they walked up to the apartment.

Izaya nearly cried at the sight of his beloved abode, legs nearly buckling in relief as though he had just reached the end of the line and he could go no further. "Bathroom, t-take me there; it's upstairs," he ordered because he knew that he would most likely be unable to make the short trip there by himself.

"Got it." Kasuka helped the man up the stairs, assuming that Izaya was planning to take a bath, and that in turn made him question the viability of the plan when his brother's enemy seemed too weakened by whatever had happened to him to even walk by himself, let alone wash and then walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

"Help me fill the t-tub, and then get out of m-my house," Izaya requested, feeling so exhausted that he could barely stand even while using the sink as support. He watched with red-rimmed eyes as Kasuka turned on the water and left the bathroom, the daunting task of taking off his blood-soaked clothes almost making him want to give up and jump into the water as he was. He knew that he couldn't though, so he steeled his mind and proceeded to take off his coat first, then his pants, only to freeze in shock the moment he caught his reflection in the mirror. He stared, transfixed, unable to tear his eyes away from the blood smudged all over his face, as well as the black and purple bruises in the shape of fingers encompassing his neck and imprinted over his mouth and jaw.

He'd been injured before, but it was never this bad, and the fact that his archenemy had been the one to inflict the wounds made everything that much worse. He was almost too afraid to take off his t-shirt after seeing the damage to the face, but he knew that he had no choice so he proceeded to slowly take it off before dropping it on the floor, all the while being mindful of his broken rib. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of looking down at his legs, the blood streaming down his thighs making the room start to spin around him at a dizzying speed. He gripped the sink tighter and moaned in both physical and mental anguish, the disgust he felt racing through his body mercilessly engulfing him from within. "I didn't deserve this..." he sniveled, and he couldn't stop a wail from climbing up his throat and escaping though his bloody lips as fresh tears spilled down his blood-stained face.

"Orihara-san, are you all right?" Kasuka blurted as he burst through the door, only to stop in his tracks when he saw Izaya leaning against the sink looking as though he was ready to pass out at any moment, the man's dark red gaze slanted his way reminding him of a _wounded animal,_ though to describe him as just a wounded animal was an understatement, because while he could tell that a large amount of blood was gushing from the stab wound in the right leg, the rest of it was coming from between the man's legs. "You have to call the police," he said softly.

"I won't," Izaya rushed to answer in a voice sounding pathetic even to his own ears.

"Then I will," Kasuka said with determination.

A bitter laugh welled up from deep within, and Izaya allowed it to spill past his bloody lips. "Trust me; you of all people don't w-want the police involved."

A chill ran down Kasuka's spine, and a terrifying thought emerged and took root into his mind at the man's both scornful and resentful tone. "What do you―"

"Help me get into the tub," Izaya ordered and then struggled to take those two steps towards it with the help of the beast's brother, all the while wondering if Kasuka had succeeded in figuring out the meaning behind his cryptic words. He almost wanted him to know, because the beast didn't deserve anyone thinking of him as a good person when he clearly wasn't one. Heiwajima Shizuo was an absolute monster, and the many wounds littering his body served as a testimony to that fact.

His jaw stiffened in apprehension when he tried to lift his right leg to get into the tub, but that proved to be more difficult than he had imagined when pain shot up his spine and almost sent him tumbling head first into the wall, the only thing stopping him from such a terrible fate being the firm grip Kasuka had on him. He crawled more than he stepped in it, but he couldn't be bothered to care because he was finally where he wanted to be and nothing else mattered besides getting rid of Shizuo's disgusting seed and the tobacco smell. His wounds stung terribly everywhere they came in contact with the water and he soon learned that he lacked the energy to even move a finger let alone wash, especially with his vision quickly tunneling into darkness.

"Are you sure you don't want me to call an ambulance?" Kasuka asked again.

Izaya weakly nodded, his voice hardly above a whisper. "I'm sure."

"There must be someone I can call. Please, Orihara-san, you're dying," Kasuka insisted. He was almost certain that Izaya would end up bleeding to death before the night was over if the man didn't get any help.

Izaya pondered the question for a few moments and then whispered a name just before he allowed both his body and his mind to finally succumb to the much awaited state of unconsciousness.

Kasuka rushed to Izaya's discarded clothes the second he heard the name, immediately recognizing it as belonging to the doctor both his brother and Izaya were friends with. He didn't know his number though, so he hurriedly rummaged thought the pockets of Izaya's bloody clothes until he found the phone and looked through the contacts to find the number belonging to one Kishitani Shinra.

_"Why are you calling me this late at night? Don't you know what ti―"_

"Orihara-san needs your help. He has lost a lot of blood and I don't think he will last the night if he doesn't get help soon. We're at his apartment, please hurry," Kasuka said and then shut the phone before the underground doctor even had a chance to say a word. With that taken care of, he placed the phone on the sink and leaned against the wall. His eyes slowly drifted to Izaya's bloodied and bruised face, the disturbing thought from earlier refusing to give him any peace. Judging by the injuries, Izaya had been brutally raped, which was surprising considering how the man was known for being nearly impossible to catch, but that only served to further prove that whoever had succeeded in doing such a thing was a formidable foe. The whole situation somehow unsettled him more than he wanted to admit, and no matter how much he wished to leave, he knew that he had no choice but to wait and make sure that Izaya wouldn't drown until Shinra arrived.

.

Kishitani Shinra was used to getting strange calls from Izaya, but he never expected to hear someone else's voice through one of the man's many phones, especially when he knew how possessive the Information Broker was when it came to those devices. Startled by the whole thing, he put the phone down, worry etched into his face.

Celty immediately noticed the man's expression shift from annoyed to outright perturbed, so she turned off the TV, got up from her spot on the couch and slowly approached him. [What's wrong?] she asked, hoping that it wasn't something serious.

"I just got a strange phone call," he said after reading the text his beloved Celty typed on her PDA.

[From whom?]

"I have no idea. I'm sorry, but I don't have time to talk right now. Can you help me gather a few medical supplies?" he asked before he picked up the phone again and called a cab.

[Of course! What do you need?]

"Put these in a proper container," Shinra requested after picking up a few O type blood bags for the transfusion. He always had a few of those hanging around because he was used to getting surprise visits from either Shizuo or Izaya. The two of them rarely bothered to visit unless they needed something, so when they did show up at his apartment it was usually because they needed him to patch up their wounds. He had no idea how many bags he would actually need, or if he would need any to begin with, but it was better to be safe than sorry. If it turned out that it was nothing more than a prank call from Izaya, he planned to beat up the bastard senseless and then make him pay for the visit. Slightly annoyed by that thought, he picked up a medium-size bag from the closet, shoved inside some other things he thought he might need and then turned his attention back to Celty who seemed to be done as well.

[Do you want me to come with you?] she offered as she handed him the blood transportation container.

"I'd love to take you with me, my dear Celty, but I need you here in case I forgot to bring something with me. I'll call you soon." With a wave of his hand he stormed out of the apartment, seriously hoping that it was just a prank because he didn't want to have to treat an almost dying Izaya.

He ended up paying the cab driver double the sum just to convince him to get there faster, and as soon as the car stopped in front of the apartment building he quickly got out of it and rushed to the elevator, impatiently tapping a foot against the floor until the door opened with a cling and he sprinted out of it, the blood trail leading to the man's apartment making his heart beat wildly inside his chest. "Izaya, are you in there? Open the door!" he nearly shouted, now seriously worried about the man. The door swished as it was quickly opened, and Shinra's eyes went wide when he finally realized who had been the one to call him. "Kasuka, why are you―"

"Please hurry, we'll talk about this later; at the moment, there's no time to waste," he pleaded, urging the doctor to follow him inside.

Shinra nodded and followed the man up the stairs and towards the bathroom, the sight meeting his grey eyes when Kasuka opened the door instantly getting burned into his retina. It wasn't just anyone lying in a bathtub with crimson water, but someone whom he could go as far as to call a friend. Izaya was lying with his head resting on the edge of the tub, unconscious, his right arm hanging limply over the side with the wrist twisted at an odd angle and the man's ashen skin was a heavy contrast to the crimson blood covering a large part of his face. "Did your brother do this...?" he couldn't help but ask, Kasuka's presence further strengthening his belief that it was Shizuo's doing.

Kasuka shook his head, trying to convince himself more than anyone else that his brother couldn't have possibly been the one to do it. "I found him on the street and brought him here. I don't know what happened."

Shinra nodded and approached the tub to check Izaya's vitals. He felt a pang in his chest when he saw the injuries up close, and he let out a sigh of relief the moment he confirmed that the man was still alive. "Put some towels on the bed and then bring one here," he instructed, his eyes never leaving Izaya's unconscious form for the whole two minutes it took Kasuka to come back. He held the towel while Kasuka pulled Izaya out of the tub and then the both of them carried the Informant to the bedroom and gently laid him on the bed. Shinra would've preferred to take him back to his place, but he doubted the man would survive long enough to even get there.

"Wipe his head with this," he told Kasuka after retrieving a towel from one of Izaya's drawers, and then watched him for a moment to see if he was doing it right before he got up and went to get some blood to pump into the ghostly pale body. He put on a set of surgical gloves and picked up one of the bags, feeling a bit frustrated that he didn't have an I.V. pole to hang it from. "Hold this," he said just as he thrust the bag into Kasuka's left hand before he inserted the needle into a vein into Izaya's left arm. He then retrieved the blood bag and improvised a way to hang it from the headboard, all the while feeling annoyed that he had wasted too much time setting the whole thing up.

With that out of the way, he proceeded to inspect Izaya for life-threatening injuries. The first thing he noticed was the deep cut on the man's leg, and he immediately concluded that it needed to get stitched up before the Informant would lose any more blood than he already had. Judging by its depth, the knife had to have hit bone, but it didn't look like it cut through any major artery, and Shinra couldn't help but wonder who held such a grudge against Izaya to want to hurt him so badly. It wasn't just the stab wound in the leg that spoke of a vicious attack, but also the many bruises littering the once unmarred skin, especially the ones on Izaya's face―like someone had covered his mouth to keep him quiet―as well as the bruise in the form of a large palm imprinted on the man's left hip. Shinra's face turned grim at a particular terrifying thought, the blood pooling between the unconscious man's legs soon confirming his theory. "Did you know he was..."

"Yes. He told me to leave, but I was worried he'd die if I left him alone so I came back and that's when I saw him. I saw the blood," Kasuka said, his eyes roaming over the motionless form as he felt some pity for the man. He didn't care much for anyone in general, least for an enemy of his brother, but the thought of what Izaya had gone through disturbed even his usually emotionless self. "Will he live?" Regardless of how much of a bastard Orihara Izaya was, Kasuka still hoped for a positive response.

"I hope so," Shinra answered honestly and went to get a few more things from his bag. Turning around, he locked eyes with Kasuka. "Can you give us some privacy?" If there was one thing Shinra knew, it was that Izaya would not appreciate him taking care of his more 'delicate' injuries while in the presence of Shizuo's brother.

"Of course," Kasuka answered a bit too quickly. The whole thing was too much and he needed to get away from there.

Shinra watched Kasuka leave before he turned his attention back to the patient. If he survived, the man would most likely hate him just for knowing what happened, but Shinra didn't care as long as Izaya lived. He knew rape to be devastating for the victim, but for someone like Izaya it would most likely be worse because the Informant thought of himself as an untouchable god when he was in fact just another human. "I'm sorry, Izaya," he told his unconscious friend before he steeled himself to check just how badly the man had gotten torn as a result of the savage assault.

On the lower floor of the apartment, Kasuka kept pacing the living room, his earlier thoughts still not giving him peace. _What if Shizuo... No, he would never. He couldn't have... but what if…?_ He couldn't stop thinking about it, and he was feeling somewhat disturbed by his own thoughts. Staring blankly ahead, he told himself that his brother would never do such a thing, that Shizuo was a good man who wouldn't assault another person in such a manner, even if said person happened to be Orihara Izaya. After a while, he felt exhaustion weigh him down, so he sat down on the expensive couch and stayed there alone with only his thoughts as unwanted company for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually he heard Shinra open and then softly close the door behind him and he patiently waited for the man to come downstairs, the look on the doctor's face telling him that Izaya was still alive.

"I really wanted to take him to the hospital so that he could get proper treatment, but I'm sure he would've killed me had I done so." The doctor was feeling a bit faint after seeing the full extent of Izaya's injuries, and it wasn't something he ever wanted to witness again.

"I offered to take him to a hospital, but he refused."

"Sounds just like him," Shinra mused, and he knew that his brittle smile was betraying just how upset he was about the whole thing.

Kasuka hoped that he hadn't been too late in getting help. "Will he be all right?"

Shinra looked pensive for a few moments, his eyes looking unfocused before finally settling on Kasuka's blank face. "I don't know about that, but he'll live. You really don't know what happened?" At that point, he was hoping for anything that could lead him to the culprit.

"I'm sorry, I don't."

Shinra made a sound of disappointment before he took off his glasses and scrubbed a hand over his face. "I see. You've been of great help, thank you. I'll take care of him now, so you can go home and get some rest if you want. I'm sure you have a busy schedule tomorrow," he said while forcing a smile on his face. "He would be dead now if it weren't for you," he then added as an afterthought.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

"You saved his life, that's all that matters," Shinra said and led him to the door. "Thank you again."

Kasuka nodded and walked out the door, knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep before if he didn't visit a certain someone.


	4. Once Upon Atrocity

Heiwajima Shizuo had been labeled as many things during his lifetime: _monster, beast, brute, protozoan, freak,_ as well as many other nicknames people had given him over the years, but none of them were anywhere near as terrible as the appalling title of _rapist._ The thought hit him when he got home and he started to undress in order to take a shower. His body grew cold at the sight of Izaya's blood staining his clothes: blood from the injuries he had inflicted on the man's head after repeatedly slamming it into the ground, from the pale slender thigh he thrust the switchblade into with absolute cruelty, from fucking him so viciously into the ground that he ended up tearing his insides just so that he could hear more of those agonizing cries.

He hated Izaya so much that he hadn't been able to stop himself from doing it**.** It was as though he'd been possessed by something much worse than the monster that usually took over whenever he got angry. This new monster relished the thought of inflicting pain, it loved seeing Izaya powerless, unable to escape his grasp, and each time his prey had tried to stay quiet, the monster would only ram into him harder, wanting to hear more screams.

That had been then though, back when he was still drowning in hatred and fury, but he no longer felt the same way. He simply stood there naked inside the bathroom, staring at the bloody clothes thrown into the dirty clothes bin while his stomach roiled with sickening intensity as images of the ferocious assault viciously flooded his mind. He had raped the louse for god's sake. It was sick. He was sick. A shiver ran down his spine. _Shit! How could I―_

There was a knock on the door then, and the sound almost made him jump out of his skin. He grabbed the bathrobe with a trembling hand and pulled it on, all the while trying not to think of Izaya's blood still covering some parts of his body. It felt disgusting to walk around like that, but he had no choice when the person who was looking for him kept knocking instead of giving up and leaving. Cursing under his breath, he walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom before he crossed the small hallway and the living room so that he could open the door, immediately freezing in his tracks when he heard the voice behind it.

"Nii-san, open the door!"

Shizuo's whole body shuddered in alarm, and the thought of his little brother finding out about the horrible things he had done to Izaya scared him more than anything in the world.

"I know you're in there, so please open the door before I use the key you gave me," Kasuka threatened.

Shizuo broke into a cold sweat. "I'm coming," he finally answered in a trembling voice and reluctantly dragged his body towards the door.

Kasuka waited patiently outside. He was still hoping that his assumption had been wrong and that Shizuo was not the one who had assaulted Izaya. His brother was the easiest person to read, which was why he was almost too afraid to see the man's face because he would instantly know if he was guilty or not. The lock clicked and the door slowly opened, revealing Shizuo's startled face, and that's when Kasuka knew that his brother had done it.

"Why are you here?" The question was asked in an unsteady voice and Shizuo worried that Kasuka might be able to tell that something was wrong. After the shitty day he had, Kasuka was the last person in the world he wanted to see, especially after the note he got from him earlier that morning.

"I have something to talk to you about, please let me in."

Shizuo's knees almost buckled, the thought of having a conversation with Kasuka while he was still covered in Izaya's blood making him feel faint. He had to get rid of him. "I was about to take a shower..." he tried and hoped that Kasuka would understand and come back another time, even though he wasn't sure that he would ever get the courage to face him again even if he came back. He felt too ashamed at having disappointed him once again after promising to do everything in his power to not get fired from his job at the bar.

Kasuka's already half-closed eyes infinitesimally narrowed. "Nii-san, let me in now," he demanded and then pushed the door, the thing opening with almost no resistance at all as though Shizuo's muscles had suddenly turned to jelly. He immediately noticed the blood smudges on Shizuo's hands but said nothing, first wanting to properly assess the situation before making any accusations. Tearing his eyes away from what was most likely Izaya's blood, he walked inside and sat down on the couch. Shizuo followed behind him like a lost puppy, all the while avoiding his eyes as though he was too ashamed to face him. "Sit down, nii-san," he ordered and patted the spot beside him.

Shizuo's body jolted in shock, and he suddenly felt colder than ever, as though he was nothing more than a corpse, still moving around because he was cursed, doomed to forever roam the Earth as atonement for his sins against Izaya. Such a filthy creature had no right to be anywhere near someone like his little brother, and yet he had no choice but to sit down.

Kasuka looked him up and down, analyzing him with a critical eye. Although the man was wearing a bathrobe, he couldn't hide the blood smudges on his face, hands and collar bone, which meant that Shizuo hadn't lied when he said that he was about to take a shower. That, along with the slumped shoulders and the adamant refusal to meet his eyes was all the proof he needed.

"Why are you here?" Shizuo asked again, this time in a strained voice.

"I sometimes take walks by myself when it rains because there aren't many people on the streets and I can move around without being recognized."

"You shouldn't do that. It's dangerous. You could get hurt. There are some really sick people out there," Shizuo scolded him, clenching his fists tighter. _Like me._

Deciding there was no point in dragging it on, Kasuka cut straight to the subject. "I ran into Orihara-san earlier," he ruthlessly dropped the bomb.

Shizuo's body shook and his heart sped up to an insane rhythm inside his rib cage, the noise so loud that he could hardly hear himself think. Body nearly vibrating with dread, he raised his head and locked eyes with Kasuka even though he knew that his little brother would read the shame and panic in them. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out, as though the line between his brain and his vocal cords had suddenly been severed.

"He was badly injured; he almost died, but you already know that, don't you, nii-san?"

Shizuo felt the world starting to spin around him, and the memory of brutally assaulting Izaya and then leaving him to bleed to death in a filthy alley almost made him throw up right there. He was a terrible human being... _no, not a human being, a monster, just an animal deserving a slow and painful death._

"Right, nii-san?" Kasuka continued in a tone as emotionless as ever. "Nii-san...?"

Shizuo couldn't hear anymore, his aching heart slamming itself so viciously against his rib cage that he thought it would rip right through his chest. He simply couldn't stand the idea of Kasuka being disgusted by him. Out of nowhere, he felt something touch his shoulder and he abruptly lashed out without thinking, his body acting on instinct as a result of the too many fights he had been forced into over the years. When some semblance of sanity came back to him he was pinning Kasuka against the coffee table, one hand around the slender neck and the other around his brother's right wrist. He couldn't move, let alone think of a way to fix whatever the hell it was that he was doing, and he felt an invisible fist immediately grip his heart and squeeze it without mercy as punishment for attacking his little brother. Struck by shock, he just stared, Kasuka's calm expression only serving to further increase his distress. Those seemingly emotionless eyes always brought out the worst in him, as though his little brother's general lack of reaction somehow fueled his anger.

Kasuka lightly brushed Shizuo's cheek with his free hand, the despair his older brother exuded bringing unwanted pain to his heart. "Nii-san, calm down," he spoke in a tone much softer than his usual monotone one.

Shizuo nuzzled into the touch despite the feeling of it burning his skin like molten lava. He swallowed the lump in his throat but still didn't let go, afraid that Kasuka would leave and he would never be able to see him again. He loved his little brother more than anything in the world, and he knew that he would be crushed if Kasuka decided that he had had enough and walked out the door without ever looking back. Not that he could ever blame him if he decided to erase him from his life. Shizuo knew that he was a monster and that sooner or later he would end up breaking the people he loved. Thinking that it would be best if Kasuka hated him,he tightened the fingers around the pale neck, not missing the way in which his little brother stiffened at the gesture. "Now you know, Kasuka, now you know what kind of monster I am," he said through clenched teeth and swallowed hard, dejection lacing his words. Of course his little brother knew, and Shizuo was certain that Kasuka not only despised him but that he was also afraid of him.

Meanwhile, Kasuka kept gazing into the tumultuous honey-brown eyes while trying to figure out what was going on inside Shizuo's head. He knew better than anyone how much his brother hated violence, so he couldn't understand why Shizuo had gone as far as to rape Izaya. He didn't even remember his sibling ever expressing any interest towards the same sex, so it was puzzling that he would sexually assault a man, unless he had completely lost himself to his anger, more so than ever before, in which case he could've done it as a way to destroy Izaya. The rush he might've felt at finally capturing the person he hated the most in the world could've drove him to it. Even so, it was too much even for Shizuo. "You're not a monster, nii-san," he spoke softly even though he knew that what Shizuo had done was truly monstrous.

_"I am!_Can't you see that?!" Shizuo shouted in despair, his left hand slamming down on the coffee table near the right side of Kasuka's head as though he was trying to prove just how much of a monster he was. And yet he couldn't find it in himself to drum up the needed ruthlessness to chase his little brother away from his apartment and consequently from his life. "These bloody hands that are pinning you down right now did the same thing to that accursed louse! You... you can't even imagine what I did to him, how I hurt him, _how much I enjoyed it!_ What if I lose it and I hurt you?" he blurted out, his voice faltering as he fought to breathe. "What if I lose it and I―"

"I'm not Orihara Izaya," Kasuka spoke calmly, unfazed by the earlier display of violence. If Shizuo thought that he could scare him into running away, then his older brother had another thing coming, especially when Kasuka couldn't remember a time when he had ever been hurt by him.

"So what?! _I'm still a monster!"_ Shizuo growled out the words.

"You're not going to hurt me, nii-san," Kasuka stated with absolute certainty.

"How can you be so _sure_ about that?!"

"Because I _know_ you. I'm not here to judge you; I only want to help you." Kasuka's voice had been soft, and he raised his hand to touch Shizuo's wan face for a few moments before moving it upwards and running his fingers though tousled blonde hair, his eyes unwillingly being drawn to the blood smudge just below the stiff jaw. _How could you do such a thing,_ he thought sadly, the grip on his throat finally relaxing after what felt like an eternity. Taking it as a sign to continue, he looked him straight in the eyes. "Please, nii-san, let me help you."

Shizuo nearly wept as he heard those words come out of his little brother's mouth, Kasuka's gentle touches swiftly putting out the fire that was his anger. Overwhelmed by the unconditional love, he removed his hand from around Kasuka's neck and slumped backwards on the couch, strong hands going up and tugging at his hair in despair. "How could I do that to him? How could I enjoy seeing him cry while I was... while I was―_I deserve to die!__"_he cried out, voice cracking towards the end. He felt Kasuka pull him into a hug and he tried to draw back, but hands that held startling strength tightened around his torso and refused to let go. Trapped, he shuddered in the tight embrace, hating himself for tainting Kasuka with his cursed existence. _I don't deserve this! I don't deserve__him!_


	5. The Image Of Pain

Tom knew that something was wrong with Shizuo the moment he saw him, the man's rigid posture and the dark circles under his eye serving as a clear indication that something was bothering his friend. That wasn't what got his attention though, because while Shizuo did look much tenser than usual, it was nowhere near as surprising as the normal clothes the man was wearing instead of the usual bartender uniform. He was tempted to inquire about the reason for the change, but he had a feeling that Shizuo would not appreciate it so instead he kept quiet about it and tried to send him home. "Hey, if you want, you can take the day off, you know that."

"I'm fine, let's go," was Shizuo's swift answer. He was not in the mood to go home where he'd have nothing to distract him from his own condemning thoughts.

Tom wasn't happy with the answer, but he didn't think that pushing his employee would do any good so he merely shrugged before they went on with their work. Shizuo barely acknowledged his presence after that, the man only waking up from wherever his mind was wandering just enough to shake an indebted guy into paying before retreating into his head and ignoring everyone and everything until it was time to once again put his strength to good use.

"Go home," Tom finally ordered, sighing, the cigarette burning his friend's fingers telling him that Shizuo had forgotten he even had it in his hand to begin with. He expected the man to protest again but to his surprise Shizuo muttered an "I'll see you tomorrow" and left. Tom could do nothing but stare at the man's retreating back with a puzzled look on his face.

Shizuo couldn't take his mind off of what had transpired the night before no matter how hard he tried. A feeling of constant nausea settled in his stomach and an echo of Izaya's cries of agony constantly rang in his ears as a grim reminder of what he had done. He felt so mentally and physically exhausted that he had a hard time getting his legs to move, his feet mostly scuffing aimlessly across the pavement and somehow leading him to a park. He sank heavily on the nearest bench and closed his eyes, the sun's deceptively warm rays biting into his already cold skin.

He had been so out of it after his discussion with Kasuka that he didn't even remember his little brother leaving, the events of the previous night stopping from registering in his mind around the time Kasuka hugged him. The next thing he remembered was waking up on the couch when the alarm went off, his body still carrying the evidence of his assault on Izaya. Disgusted by himself more than by Izaya's blood, he dashed to the bathroom, dropped to his knees and threw up, his body so weak that he barely had the energy to get up and take a shower. He was nothing more than an animal, someone who didn't deserve kindness from anyone, especially from someone as nice as Kasuka. Just thinking about him made his heart ache. He knew that Kasuka cared about him, but to go so far as to not abandon him after what he'd done to Izaya... Kasuka had to be a saint; it was the only reasonable explanation.

His eyelids felt heavy as he tried to open his eyes, and he blinked a few times and shook his head in an attempt to wake up. His nicotine deprived lungs screamed for a cigarette, so he thrust his hands into the pockets of his pants and pulled out the lighter and an almost empty pack, sucking in the smoke the second he lit it up. Without meaning to, his thoughts went back to the previous night and he immediately hated himself for his inability to keep them at bay. It was as though he could still feel Izaya struggling under him, screaming in pain, squeezing him so deliciously tight each time he thrust into him.

_Fuck,_ he cursed, too shocked by his own train of thoughts. That feeling of nausea burning through the pit of his stomach suddenly intensified and it shocked him to even think that he had enjoyed it. Sure, Izaya was an evil little creep, but not even the damn louse deserved to get humiliated in such a way, even though at the time it had seemed like the perfect punishment to his crazed mind. It was only after it happened and their eyes locked that Shizuo had truly become aware of what he'd done. He remembered his heated and sated body suddenly going cold, the look of absolute terror in the Izaya's eyes making the blood in his veins freeze. _No one should have that look in their eyes, not even Orihara Izaya, _he remembered thinking, the memory alone making his hands shake with fine tremors.

He lifted the cigarette to inhale some much needed smoke and then stopped, the memory of burning Izaya with one making him gag. Revulsion suddenly filled his senses and he hurled it to the ground before he raised his foot and furiously crushed it under the sole of his shoe. _"We're even,"_ his own words echoed in his mind and he leaned forward, quivering fingers tugging at his hair in self-loathing. He could not understand for the life of him why he had said it, the words leaving his mouth before he even had a chance to process them.

It was true that Izaya had ruined his life by getting him fired from a few jobs in the past, or by pinning crimes on him so that he could get arrested and even going as far as to try to get him killed, but he still shouldn't have raped him. He was supposed to be better than that. The only comfort he had was that Izaya was still alive, and he couldn't help but wonder how the man was doing. According to Kasuka, Izaya had almost died, and the thought of almost killing another person―even if said person was only a bastard louse―made him hate himself even more.

If it hadn't been for his little brother, Shizuo would most likely be in jail for rape, homicide and probably torture too. Something had to be seriously wrong with him to do such a despicable thing as leaving a bleeding Izaya alone in that alley. Then again, he didn't exactly think back then, and perhaps that was the problem. Somewhere, in some remote corner of his mind, he had assumed that Izaya would simply get up and limp home, because no matter how much he had tried to break him, the bastard's mind refused to cave in.

His body tensed then, the thought that he might still end up in jail passing through his mind. There was nothing stopping Izaya from informing the police about what happened to him, but at the same time Shizuo doubted that the man would want something like that to be known by others; the insect was a proud bastard after all. His mind kept torturing him with images from his encounter with Izaya as he sat there, and he didn't even notice anyone getting close until someone was in his face and he had to squint his eyes in order to see who it was. Aghast by the sight, he abruptly jerked backwards, his face turning as white as a sheet of paper. His ears were ringing so loudly that the sound was almost deafening, and it felt like an eternity had passed before a voice finally succeeded in slicing through his addled thoughts.

"―our brother?"

"W-what?" Shizuo asked in a strained voice.

"Iza-nii, today?" Kururi shyly inquired.

Shizuo tried to swallow the lump in his throat with not much success, and it felt as though he was slowly suffocating.

"Oh well, I'm sure he's alright, he always is," Mairu chirped.

"Y-Yeah," Shizuo stuttered. "What a-are you d-doing here?"

"We heard that Hanejima Yuuhei is filming somewhere nearby, so we came here hoping to see him," the younger of the twins said in an excited voice before her smile fell and she pouted. "When are you going to introduce him to us?"

"Soon, but not today, sorry. I have to go, see ya," Shizuo said and got up, desperately wanting to get away from them.

"I'm going to kill Iza-nii and dump his body inside a dumpster one of these days, so don't forget your promise!" she added.

Shizuo felt his heart sink, her innocent words told as a joke cruelly tearing into him. It didn't look like they had any idea about what had happened to Izaya, and the simple thought of being anywhere near the twins after viciously raping their brother made his guilt increase tenfold, their resemblance to the man only serving to further mercilessly thrust the metaphorical knife into his heart. "We'll talk about that another time," he told them and then walked away with hurried steps, their mere presence making him uncomfortable because of how much they looked like Izaya. As that thought entered his mind, he winced and nearly threw up right there and then, but he kept on walking until he was far enough from the twins. At least the fresh air was helping him with the nausea.

He only stopped when he could go no further, and he leaned against a wall and stayed like that for a while, completely drained and hoping that his racing heart would stop galloping. After a while, he found the strength to push himself away from the wall and get his legs to move in the direction of his apartment, but all he could think about was how Izaya was doing. He even thought he caught sight of the insect at some point when he saw a fur-trimmed coat out of the corner of his eye, but on closer inspection he confirmed that it wasn't him. _Of course it's not him, Izaya is probably unconscious, _he told himself as he remembered the large puddle of blood he saw under the man after he had had his way with him, the memory of leaving him there like that and walking away further increasing his feelings of self-loathing.

The rest of the way to his apartment was a blur, dark thoughts bombarding him every step of the way. He mechanically pulled out the keys from his pocket and opened the door, not even bothering to lock it behind him before he sluggishly moved towards the couch and slumped on it, head falling into his hands in despair. He hated violence, yet he ended up inflicting the worst kind of humiliation on Izaya. The flea was a douchebag―there was no denying it―and some part of him still believed that Izaya had deserved what happened to him, but it was a tiny part of him. Even so, it was still a part of him, and that truly scared Shizuo because he couldn't help but wonder if he had always been such a monster. Perhaps the monster Shizuo was the real Shizuo, and the other part of himself that claimed to hate violence was nothing more than a lie. The hands in his hair tightened, teeth grinding harder against each other. He simply did not know what to do anymore.

He didn't move for a few hours from his spot on the couch, not until he heard a knock on the door followed by Kasuka's voice and he reluctantly forced himself to get up and open it after forgetting he hadn't even locked it to begin with. "What do you want?" he asked, both annoyed and exhausted and most certainly not in the mood to talk to anyone. Their previous conversation hadn't exactly gone well, and the last thing he wanted was to end up losing it again.

"For starters, let me in," Kasuka demanded calmly, not at all intimidated by the hostility flung at him.

Shizuo moved out of the way and allowed him to come in before going back and sitting down on his earlier spot on the couch. "What do you want now?"

"I came to see how you were feeling, so how are you feeling?"

A bitter chuckle slipped past Shizuo's lips because the question hurt him in ways that his little brother could never understand. "What kind of question is that?" he asked, his voice nearly cracking. "It's not like I was the one who got raped last night."

"That's not what―"

"It doesn't matter. Just tell me one thing. At the hospital, they said that Izaya was going to pull through, right?" The issue of Izaya's unknown fate had been eating at him from the moment he woke up; he _needed_ to know how the insect was doing. Regardless of how much of a bastard the Informant was, Shizuo still hadn't been able to kill him. More than that, he didn't want the man to die after what happened, even though he knew that Izaya would most certainly gradually break him for what he had done, until there would be nothing left of the man known as Heiwajima Shizuo.

Kasuka stared for a while at the miserable-looking creature that was his brother, and he felt relief now that Shizuo was asking about the man because he didn't want to believe that his brother was a heartless human being who didn't even care whether someone he'd hurt lived or died. Besides, Kasuka himself was supposed to be the emotionless freak between them, not Shizuo. "I never took him to the hospital."

As the words reached his ears, Shizuo's hopeful expression morphed into one of confusion, and he stared for a few moments before he blinked. "Then where―"

"I took him to his apartment."

"What?" Shizuo nearly screeched as his eyes widened in disbelief. "And you left him there alone?! He lost a lot of blood... w-what if he's dead?" he hesitantly asked, and he felt his heart pounding so fast inside his rib cage that it hurt.

"No, that's not what happened," Kasuka interjected and proceeded to explain. "I wanted to call an ambulance when I found him on the street but he didn't let me do it, so I offered to help him get home. At the time I had no idea what was the full extent of his injuries, so I didn't think that it'd be a problem if I took him home."

Shizuo's hands were slightly shaking and he felt a surge of panic fill his entire being. "You took him there and then...?"

"He told me to leave after I helped him up the stairs and into the bathroom, but then I heard noises coming from inside so I rushed back in. I saw…" he started, but had to shake his head in order to get rid of the image of a very frightened and bleeding Orihara Izaya. "I saw the blood. There was so much of it running down his thighs... Nii-san, how could you do such a thing?"

Shizuo lowered his head again, a feeling of absolute shame taking over him as the silence stretched between them. He didn't know how to answer Kasuka's question when he himself had no idea how he could snap like that and sexually assault Izaya. He was planning to either beat him within an inch of his miserable life or to simply kill him, but the bastard's mocking words and that annoying laughter had made him lose it, a burning desire to crush the insect emerging from somewhere deep within. He'd already been in a shitty mood to begin with, so his mind was far from clear by the time he caught the bastard. Then, somehow, in his messed up monstrous head he reached the conclusion that fucking the bastard would be the perfect punishment. It would show him just how weak and powerless he really was instead of the invincible god he believed himself to be. "I... I'm not really sure..." Shizuo finally answered in a completely defeated tone.

Kasuka almost felt guilty for posing the question, but he wanted to know and to understand. Unfortunately, it didn't look like Shizuo himself understood his own actions, which was to be expected. Feeling a bit bad for asking the question, he moved closer to Shizuo who seemed to be trembling. "I'm sorry," Kasuka said as he placed a hand on Shizuo's shoulder. "Like I said, I'm not here to judge you. I only want to understand so that I can help you. I know how much you hate violence."

"No, Kasuka... that's not it."

"What do you mean?"

Shizuo took a deep breath, struggling to find the courage to say the next few words. It wasn't something he was proud of. "I hate myself for what I did to the louse," he confessed, clenching his fists tighter, "but that doesn't change the fact that I enjoyed it."

Kasuka gave Shizuo's shoulder a squeeze. "But you feel bad about what happened, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm still a monster, and nothing I do now will ever change what I did to him."

"Monsters don't feel remorse, so you can't be one."

Shizuo turned his head and stared into Kasuka's eyes. He was grateful that his brother was still there for him and it was nice to know that he could always count on Kasuka to help him get through tough times. Besides, talking to him always seemed to help. "What happened to Izaya afterwards?"

"I called Shinra."

Shizuo breathed in relief, but then his entire body stiffened and his expression turned grim. "Does Shinra know that I was the one who... who... hurt Izaya?"

"No, he doesn't know, not yet anyway."

"G-Good," He was worried that Shinra might figure it out, and the simple thought of more people finding out about he'd done to Izaya made him break into a cold sweat. It was already bad enough that Kasuka knew. There was only so much he could take, and he didn't think that he'd be able to handle the hateful glares and the disappointment he would most likely read in his friends' eyes. Kasuka was already going out of his way to comfort him and that was more than he deserved. "You can let go now," he told him, his brittle smile most likely betraying his feelings. It didn't matter though, not when Kasuka could read him like an open book.

"What?"

Shizuo's eyes fell on Kasuka's hand on his shoulder. "You're not acting like yourself."

"Oh, right," Kasuka said and pulled back his hand. "I'm sorry, I was just―"

"Trying to comfort me, I know, but I'm all right now. You don't have to force yourself this much for me. I don't deserve a brother as good as you."

Kasuka gazed into the honey-colored eyes, the too many emotions behind them almost overwhelming for someone as emotionless as he was. "No matter what you do, I'll always be on your side."

Shizuo's eyes widened in both confusion and disbelief, and he stared into Kasuka's eyes in the hope of finding out if his brother was being truthful or if he was just telling him what he wanted to hear. "How can you even say that? What if one day I end up hurting you? Would you still be on my side?"

"Always on your side," Kasuka assured him, dead serious. To him, someone who could hardly feel anything, Shizuo was the person he most cared about. Only when he was around Shizuo he felt somewhat normal, like his coldness and emptiness would somehow mix with Shizuo's fire to create something in-between, something closer to normality. He knew that it sounded crazy, but it was what he thought and no one would ever be able to make him think differently. Shizuo smiled at him―a brittle smile―and Kasuka wished that he could make him understand just how human he was instead of the monster he believed himself to be.

Shizuo sighed in frustration. "Ugh, I need a cigarette."

"Do you want me to go buy you a pack?"

"No!" Shizuo rushed to answer, his outburst startling Kasuka in the process. Embarrassed, he ran a twitchy hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"Since when did you quit smoking?"

"I didn't."

"Then what is the problem?"

"I... I can't stand seeing it burn anymore," he disclosed in an irritated tone.

"Why?"

Shizuo tensed, unsure whether or not to reveal more of the fucked up things he had done to Izaya. No matter what Kasuka said, his brother probably still saw him as a monster, but he deserved to know the truth. "I burned the flea with one. It's like I can still smell his flesh burning and it's making me sick," he finally said, his face turning pale.

Kasuka stayed quiet for a while, analyzing the information and processing it for future reference. The fact that Shizuo couldn't even smoke anymore proved just how affected he was by the things he'd done. Then again, even Kasuka himself had felt somewhat affected by the sight of a very naked, very bleeding and utterly terrified Orihara Izaya.

"I think I need to get drunk," Shizuo mumbled before he got up and went to retrieve a bottle of whiskey from one of the kitchen cabinets.

Kasuka looked at the bottle, then at Shizuo. "Since when do you drink whiskey?"

"I don't. Tom picked it up from a guy who couldn't pay his debts," Shizuo said and poured himself a glass. He noticed Kasuka looking at the bottle with an indescribable expression and he wondered what was going through Kasuka's complicated mind. He saw him reach for the bottle and his eyes widened a bit. "You don't drink," he said in a high-pitched tone, immediately regretting opening his mouth.

Kasuka gave him a blank stare. "Neither do you," he said in a flat tone and poured himself a glass. "There's a first time for everything."

They drank in companionable silence until they finished the bottle together, which didn't take very long. That one bottle however was not enough to make Shizuo as drunk as he wanted to get, so he offered to go out and buy some more alcohol. To his surprise, Kasuka agreed. His sibling didn't show it, but Shizuo knew that what happened had somehow affected him as well. Besides, it wasn't the first time that Kasuka had to clean up his mess, but it was probably the first time his little brother had most likely realized just how sick Shizuo had to be in order to do such a cruel thing. He really did go buy more alcohol, and by the time he returned home with three bottles, Kasuka had fallen asleep. He took a blanket from the closet, draped it over him, picked up two of the sake bottles he bought and then went to his room to drink some more. He really did get drunk that night.


	6. Revelations

**Chapter 6: Revelations**

**.**

**.**

As a doctor, Shinra was used to witnessing the aftermath of violence, but there was something eerie about seeing Izaya in such a horrible state, and he couldn't help but wonder who could do such a thing to the Informant because Orihara Izaya was anything but weak. Not even Shizuo had been able to catch him, so Shinra had no doubts that whoever had succeeded in capturing and doing such a thing to Izaya was an extremely dangerous person. His eyes wandered to the fluid sample he salvaged from Izaya's body and he hoped that it would help him find the culprit, even though he couldn't be sure that it would be of any use after Izaya did something as stupid as taking a bath. He frowned when the strange thought that Izaya might know who the man was entered his mind, because normal people didn't usually stand a chance to even get near the Informant, so unless Izaya had been somehow ambushed, which was unlikely, then he'd been sexually assaulted by a person he knew, and perhaps that was why he'd tried to wash away the evidence. Then again, Izaya could've simply been disgusted enough to want to take a bath regardless of the consequences. Whatever the reason was, it didn't matter anymore, and Shinra made up his mind to do everything in his power to help Izaya as much as he could, starting by not telling him just how close he came to dying the night before. He checked on him one more time to see how he was doing and then went downstairs to wait for Celty. He still needed some things from home, and Celty seemed more than eager to bring them over. _Maybe she just doesn't like being alone,_ he thought excitedly, and then berated himself for thinking with his lower head while Izaya was still fighting for his life. It had to have been a big blow to Izaya's ego for someone as strong and confident as he was to be humiliated and hurt in such a cruel manner, and even Shinra felt sick at the mere thought of it, but luckily he ended up getting distracted by a knock on the door, so he rushed there to let his future wife in. She didn't know that yet, but Shinra was certain that one day it would happen.

[ How is he doing? ] Celty inquired after she placed the bag on the coffee table and took the PDA out of her pocket.

"He'll live, but he's hurt pretty badly."

[ What happened? ]

Shinra couldn't help but cringe. He disliked hiding things from his beloved, but he knew that it was not right for him to reveal anything without Izaya's consent. "I'm sorry," he finally spoke in a voice laced with guilt, "but I can't reveal the details. What I can tell you is that it will take a while for him to recover." _Physically at least... there is no guarantee he will ever be able to mentally recover from it,_he thought sadly, and for the first time in his life, he truly felt sorry for another human being. By normal standards, Izaya was a terrible person, but that had never really bothered him. On the other hand, Shinra himself had no right to judge others when he was no better himself, not when he had no love for humanity and he only saw other people as potential subjects for his scientific experiments. The exceptions were Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo, even though he would've loved to study Shizuo because the man was an interesting specimen. He sighed and regarded Celty with unease, knowing that she was still hoping for an explanation, but luckily her phone rang and she had to leave, but not before letting him know that she would be back as soon as possible.

With no one to keep him company, he went back to Izaya's room, not expecting to see the man struggling to get up. It only took him a moment to get over his initial shock and rush to the man's side so that he could immobilize him, because the last thing Izaya needed was to further aggravate his injuries. To his dismay, instead of making things better, he was making them worse, Izaya's pleas to be released tearing his heart to shreds. "Please calm down, it's me, Shinra," he tried, hoping that Izaya would somehow hear him.

"S-stop!" Izaya begged while violently thrashing on the bed, his eyes closed, bangs sticking to his sweaty forehead.

Shinra knew that Izaya would eventually stop struggling, but that didn't make him feel any better as long as he was pinning him to the bed. "It's me, Shinra, I won't hurt you, please stop struggling," he kept repeating, hoping that Izaya would eventually hear him, but the Informant obviously wasn't because he kept mumbling nonsense and flailing about like a trapped bird. Normally, Shinra would keep himself emotionally detached when dealing with patients, but it didn't seem to be working very well in Izaya's case, especially when the thrashing kept dragging on for what felt like an eternity before the man finally ran out of energy. The whole thing had been terrible, and Shinra breathed in relief as he slumped on the nearest available surface which happened to be a chair, hoping that he wouldn't have to ever do something like that again. He was so exhausted from staying awake the night before that he ended up dozing off, and when he woke up again, it was from a nudge to his shoulder.

[ Go get some rest, I'll watch over him, ] Celty told him when she came back in the evening.

"Don't worry about it."

[ I insist. ]

"Let me check on him first, then we'll talk again," Shinra said and got up to see how his patient was doing. Izaya's condition didn't seem to have changed during the time he had fallen asleep, but Sinra was grateful to Celty nonetheless for waking him up. He was feeling bad for taking a nap instead of watching over his patient. He was still very tired though, so tired that he didn't even sense her move closer until she was right behind him.

[ That looks terrible! Who did this to him? ]

"I don't know, but I'm hoping to find out soon. On a completely unrelated note, I believe that I am in dire need of some coffee, so let's leave Izaya to rest," he suggested in the hope that Celty would stop asking questions. He kept his breath as she stood there looking tense, and then breathed out in relief when she nodded, both of them leaving the room and heading for the kitchen. The Informant wasn't the nicest person around, but Shinra didn't think that Izaya deserved such a thing happening to him, and because of that he felt extremely angry. If only he knew who the bastard was, he'd sic Celty on him, and the doctor was sure that the Dullahan would have no problem in heeding his request even though she wasn't Izaya's biggest fan. Thoughts of revenge filled his head, and he imagined the many ways in which he could dissect Izaya's assailant, none of which were painless. Luckily, he was awoken from his fantasies when Celty shoved a coffee mug in his face.

[ There you go. ]

Shinra blinked. "When did you―"

[ While you were spacing out. ]

He looked up at her from his chair and smiled while thinking just how lucky he was to have such a wonderful woman as his friend and hopefully one day as his wife. Their fingers brushed when he moved for the cup, and he couldn't wait for the day when he'd be able to hold her in his arms without having to suffer bodily harm. Celty was obviously not easy to win over. He took a sip of coffee, sighing in contentment, and he was grateful to Celty for having taken his mind off the vicious ways in which he was planning to torture the rapist. "Hey, Celty, who do you think has the power to hurt Izaya in this city?"

Celty folded her arms in front of her chest and tilted her helmet, looking pensive for a moment before she started pacing the kitchen for a few minutes while trying to find an answer to Shinra's question. Finally, when it looked like she had reached a conclusion, she walked back to Shinra, typed something, and showed him her answer. [ There are not many people who would be able to hurt Izaya, but if I were to name those who could, they would be the following: Shizuo, Simon and perhaps the Awakusu-kai. ]

Shinra crossed Shizuo and Simon off the list, which left him with the Awakusu-kai, but he couldn't understand why they would do such a thing if they were indeed the ones responsible for what happened to Izaya. Then again, it was possible that Izaya had inquired their wrath by selling information to their enemies; the man was certainly capable of something like that. Sighing, Shinra raised the mug and pressed it to his lips with the intention of taking another sip, but his eyes narrowed in frustration when he realized that the coffee was gone. "I'll go check on Izaya."

[ I'm coming with you. ]

"I suggest you stay here, unless you want to see Izaya naked," he said and got up, feeling slightly amused by the way in which her posture stiffened almost instantly. If Celty had her head, Shinra was certain that she would've turned beet red at his words, but since she did not have one, all he could do was observe her body language and deduce from there.

With Celty out of the way, he turned around and went back to Izaya's room. It wasn't like he really wanted her out of the way, but the circumstances were of such nature that he preferred she stayed out of it. He approached the bed, checked his patient's vitals and then breathed out in relief, feeling confident in his assertion that Izaya would pull through. The Informant was still pale, but not nearly as pale as when Shinra had found him in the bathtub. That gave him one hell of a scare, and he was glad that he'd succeeded in saving his friend's life. Izaya was the first human Shinra found interesting enough to try to form a connection with, which is why he'd jumped in front of an incoming knife attack to protect Izaya back when they were both still in middle school. Truth be told, he saw all humans as objects for his studies, but there was something about Izaya which set him apart from the rest. There was also Shizuo, but the man defied all laws of nature, so Shinra couldn't exactly lump him in with the rest. Shizuo was the other person that Shinra somewhat saw as a friend, and even though the man's banter with Izaya was somewhat amusing at times, he would've preferred to not see them trying to kill each other every chance they got. His eyes drifted to Izaya lying motionless on the bed, and he cringed at the sight of all those bruises covering the frail body. The man liked to believe that he was indestructible, but Shinra knew better. It was in fact a miracle that Izaya was still alive after all the fights he'd gotten into over the years. He was about to go back to Celty when Izaya opened his eyes, the pained, yet at the same time intense hateful gaze directed his way completely startling him. He stood there, stock still, wondering if perhaps his patient would once again be delirious, but before he even had a chance to say a word, Izaya opened his mouth and spoke.

"I will crush you," he promised in a weak but determined voice.

_So he's still delirious_, thought Shinra, at the same time wondering how he could use that to his advantage, even thought he knew it was immoral. _Let's try this_. "Who am I?" he asked and immediately moved to immobilize Izaya when the man tried to get up again. "Shhh, calm down, it's me Shinra. I'm the only one here."

"I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Izaya vowed while still trying to get up, his voice louder than before. "L-Let go!" he added, much weaker this time.

Shinra felt his heart clench. He knew that Izaya had to be terrified to tremble as much as he did. "I can't give you any more painkillers or sedatives, please calm down," he tried, but it didn't look like Izaya was listening to him, the man's struggles only getting worse.

"Bastard! Monster! Stupid protozoan, **I hate you!**" Izaya screamed, his mind getting bombarded by images of the monster who had assaulted him.

Shinra froze in shock at the familiar nicknames, his heart suddenly accelerating to a painful speed. _No! It can't be... _Trembling, he released Izaya's arms and went to get something that'd knock the man unconscious because he had somewhere to go and he couldn't allow Celty to hear any of the things that Izaya was saying in his delirious state. He would have to make sure that she never found out about it if it turned out to be true, because he knew that if she did, she would suffer greatly. Sparing Izaya one last look, he walked out of the bedroom and headed towards Celty to let her know that he had something to do and to also to ask her to look after the Informant while he was away. He called a cab the moment he was out the door, and then rushed the driver to speed up to his lab. Once there, he ran inside, holding tightly onto the vial and hoping that it provided the answer to the question eating at him. _Was it really Shizuo,_he kept wondering, hoping for a definite _no_.

With trembling hands he pulled out the keys to unlock the door and rushed straight to the machine needed to compare the samples he had taken from Ikebukuro's beast over the years and the fluids he recovered from within Izaya's body, almost dropping the vial in the process, his body going cold at the thought of Shizuo doing something like that to Izaya, or anyone else for that matter. He paced around the lab for what felt like an eternity before he finally got the result, his eyes narrowing into murderous slits and his body starting to heat up because of the anger and hatred he felt coursing though his veins, the word _POSITIVE_ written on the computer screen almost making him want to punch the damn thing for showing him such an unwanted result. He staggered to the nearest chair and sat down, his knees feeling so weak that he feared they might buckle under him. He stayed like that for a few minutes, fists clenched so tightly that the nails were painfully digging into his skin, but he wasn't even feeling the pain, his mind filled with dark thoughts on how to punish Shizuo for what he had done. The moment he was confident that he could walk again, he rushed out the door and took a cab back to Shinjuku, his first priority being to check up on Izaya. Celty greeted him as soon as he got back, and he tensed, hating himself for keeping even more secrets from her, the only comfort he had being that it was for her own good. He turned his attention to Izaya and he sighed in relief, glad to see that nothing had happened while he was away.

Celty approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder, his haunted expression telling her that something was wrong. [ You were gone a long time. Where were you? ]

"I had to get something from the lab and I lost track of time. I'm sorry," he said as he covered Celty's hand with his own. _Not enough_, he told himself before he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a hug, the coldness of her black shadowy smoke as he lowered his cheek on her shoulder somewhat lessening the rage he felt boiling inside of him. She tried to push him away, but he only held on tighter, desperate for her soothing presence. "Please let me stay like this for a while," he begged brokenly.

Celty stiffened in his embrace, his grief-stricken voice telling her that something was wrong. She tried to pry herself away from his hold once again, but when he refused to let go, she eventually gave up and raised her arms to return the hug.

"I really need this right now," he pleaded in a frustrated voice, hoping that Celty would understand.

She patted his back in a reassuring manner, wondering what could have upset the usually calm Kishitani Shinra.

"Thank you," he said after a while just as he loosened his hold on her before he moved to sit on the chair placed next to the bed. The sight of a beaten black and blue Izaya tore his heart to shreds, the usually lively Informant now fighting for his life. He couldn't understand how could Shizuo do such a thing, especially when he knew the man, or at least he thought he knew him, and he would've never thought him capable of such an atrocity. Shizuo had plenty of reasons to beat up Izaya, but to jump from a beating to rape was too much. It was wrong on too many levels, and the man's anger issues were no excuse for what he had done. Shinra's hands balled into fists and he grit his teeth harder, upset that he couldn't do more for Izaya. That night, he watched over him together with Celty, and when morning came, he got up and left the apartment, leaving a worried Celty behind.

By the time he reached Shizuo's apartment, he was one step away from strangling the man to death, but at the same time he was extremely nervous because he now understood that messing with Heiwajima Shizuo was a lot more dangerous than he had ever imagined. The blond would most likely not do to him the same thing he had done to Izaya, but that didn't mean that he couldn't kill him without batting an eyelash. He had a feeling that the bastard was probably enjoying his victory over his most hated enemy. He knocked on the door a few times, his hands trembling a lot more than he was expecting, and then tried the door bell when no one answered, hoping that Shizuo was home so that he could look him in the eyes and tell him what a monster he was. He waited for any sign of life, and after what felt like an eternity, the man finally opened the door.

"Shinra," he said, sounding really surprised, "what are you doing here?"

Shinra nearly bit his tongue in an attempt to keep quiet about Izaya, not wanting to alert Shizuo that something was wrong until he was inside the apartment. "I want to talk to you about something," he said, all the while struggling to not let the hatred he felt for the man seep into his voice. "Why do you look so surprised?" he continued, a little bit startled himself after seeing the look of guilt on the monster's face.

Shizuo awkwardly scratched the back of his head and moved out of the way to let him in. "I thought that Kasuka forgot something. We stayed up late last night, and when I woke up this morning, I found a note from him saying that he had to leave for work. I must've dozed off again after reading it. Anyway, what do you want to talk about?"

Shinra listened to Shizuo talk, the man's tired voice telling him that he must've gone to sleep really late the previous night. His eyes wandered to the empty alcohol bottles, and he had to admit that he was surprised to see alcohol anywhere near Shizuo, because the man didn't drink as far as he knew. Then again, he really could've just been celebrating his victory over Izaya. He felt his whole body tremble at the mere thought of anyone rejoicing after doing something like that to another person, and he barely succeeded in stopping himself from punching Shizuo in the face. He knew that a direct confrontation with such a dangerous monster was a bad idea, so instead he decided to play nice for the moment. "What's with the distillery? Did something happen?"

Shizuo stiffened, his face burning in shame for what he had done. He knew very well that the doctor cared about Izaya in his own messed up way, but he couldn't understand why he'd visit him, unless the flea had woken up and told him who had attacked him, but he somehow doubted that Izaya would ever admit to have been defeated by his most hated enemy. "I just needed a drink, bad day at work," he answered before he turned around to clean up a bit. "Say, you wouldn't happen to know how Izaya is doing..."

Shinra's eyes narrowed into slits, and he couldn't help but glare at the man. "Why do you ask?"

Shizuo turned to him and gave him a weak smile. "Kasuka told me that he found him hurt, and that he helped him get home. I was just... I was just wondering, you know?"

"I thought you'd be celebrating at the news instead of asking me how he's doing."

Shizuo laughed nervously and turned around again, his posture all rigid. "Yeah, you're right. It's just the flea, why should I care?"

_Because you raped him, you goddamn son of a bitch_, thought a seething Shinra as he pulled out a syringe from the right pocket of his lab coat and thrust it into Shizuo's neck before the man even had a chance to react, the monster falling to the ground like a sack of potatoes, Shinra's heavy boot immediately crushing his windpipe when the monster tried to get up. "This here is enough to knock out an elephant," Shinra informed him as he waved around the syringe before he threw it hard into a wall, "but not enough to knock you out."

"What is this abou―" Shizuo tried to ask, but the boot pushed harder into his throat.

"How could you?" hissed Shinra.

"H-how did you―"

Shinra scoffed, actually feeling insulted by the question. "It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out," he finally answered and pressed his boot harder into the neck that he could so easily snap.

"I lost it!" said Shizuo, even as the boot was crushing his windpipe. "I'm sorry," he said in a pleading voice, knowing that he had royally fucked up.

"It's not me you should be apologizing to," Shinra hissed and removed his foot from Shizuo's throat. The man couldn't attack him with the amount of etorphine shot into his bloodstream. Most people would've lost consciousness, but he knew that Shizuo wouldn't, because the man was a freak of nature and Shinra wanted to have a chat with him without risking his own life in the process. "I've always thought you were a good person, even though Izaya kept telling me otherwise, but now I know better," he hissed in a venomous tone and felt some sort of twisted satisfaction when Shizuo turned his head away as a sign of guilty admission. "How would you feel if you had to patch up your friend's after such an assault? I bet you wouldn't like that, would you, but that's what I had to do because of you." He shoved a hand into his left pocket and pulled out a small glass container. "I had this analyzed, and that's how I know for a fact that it was you," he said and then dropped it, the glass shattering the moment it hit the floor. "If you come anywhere near Izaya again, **I will kill you**."

"I'm sorry," was all that Shizuo could say as Shinra turned around and left the apartment. "I'm sorry," he said again, because Izaya was not the only person who ended up getting hurt because of him. _I'm so sorry, Shinra._

_._

_._

_._

_**A/N:**__ Would you prefer I post a chapter every two or every three days?_


	7. Bone-Chilling Reality

_**Chapter 7: Bone-Chilling Reality**_

_._

_._

_Rough hands grabbing his arm in a tight grip._

_Fingers in his hair pushing his head into the cold, wet concrete._

_The horrible sounds of pleasure resonating in his ears from above him._

_That _**_thing _**_thrusting into him so mercilessly._

_How long has it been?_

_One minute?_

_One hour?_

_**An eternity?**_

_Would it ever be over?_

_If only he could _**_get away_**_..._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

**"STOP!"** he shrilled in despair, eyelids as heavy as iron fluttering open as his frantic mind desperately sought an escape from the nightmare plaguing him, his psyche unable to cope any longer with the perpetual humiliating state of complete helplessness he felt at the hands of Ikebukuro's beast as he repeatedly relived his ordeal. It wasn't just his body that Shizuo was breaking, but also his mind, and when Izaya wholly opened his eyes, he was blinded by the light. Everything seemed too bright and too loud after so much darkness, or perhaps he only got that impression because of the ringing in his ears, but he couldn't be sure. He kept blinking a few times until the image started to clear, the white fading, and when he heard a voice, he felt his entire body go cold, the shape of someone coming closer freezing the blood in his veins.

_No! No more! _**_Not again! NOT AGAIN! _**he screamed inside his head, terrified. A sob escaped his sore throat and he was overcome with nausea, immediately raising a hand to cover his mouth as a result of the intense abhorrence he felt welling up inside of him, his quivering body giving away the fear he felt seeping through his veins.

Abruptly, that someone stopped, and Izaya kept his eyes glued to the shape, waiting for any indication that it'd move, but it didn't, and as the image slowly started to clear, he was able to finally identify the person who was trying to talk to him.

"Please Izaya, calm down, you're safe here."

"Shin― ra?" Izaya asked softly, as though he was afraid it was all an illusion.

"Yes, it's me, your best-est friend Shinra, aren't you so very happy to see me?" the doctor tried in a cheerful tone, hoping to lighten the heavy atmosphere. He knew that Izaya would most likely hate him for all of eternity if he dared to show him any pity. It broke his heart to see him so scared and beaten up, nothing about the person before him reminding him of the fearless Informant. Shinra couldn't remember ever seeing him looking so broken before, and he hated Shizuo even more for turning the strong Orihara Izaya into the pitiful creature before him who looked like it could get spooked by its own shadow. Unwillingly, his eyes drew back to the cigarette burn on Izaya's now black and blue neck, the bruises in the shape of fingers encompassing it making him regret not having crushed Shizuo's trachea when he had the chance.

Izaya's eyes widened when he saw how badly his hands were trembling, and he ground his teeth harder in frustration. Feeling completely ashamed, he bowed his head and tucked his hands beneath his arms, hoping the doctor hadn't noticed. He was finally safe. He chuckled darkly.

"Izaya?" asked a worried Shinra, his brows furrowed in confusion. "What are you―" he tried, but he never got to finish because Izaya broke into hysterical laughter, the man's left hand, which was now clenched in his hair, tugging at it, his dark red eyes wide and unfocused. "Iza―"

**"Leave!"** Izaya managed to say between breaths that sounded like sobs. **"OUT! GET OUT!"** he screamed, hoping that he would be left alone.

Shinra stood there stunned for a few moments before he snapped out of it and hurried out the door, unable to tell whether Izaya was laughing or crying. He waited outside, wincing at the sounds coming from the room and wondering if Izaya had somehow lost it. If he did, he couldn't really blame him. He could only imagine how hard it must've been for someone as proud as Izaya to lose in such a debasing manner to his most hated enemy. The sounds did stop a few minutes later, but by then Shinra was unsure whether to go back inside or to leave Izaya alone for a while. If that was him in there, and god, did it make him sick just to consider such a scenario, he'd most likely want to be left alone. Sighing, he gazed at the door one more time before he turned around and left.

Inside, Izaya was having troubles breathing again, his left hand still tightly clenched in his hair while he was staring at his broken and trembling right limb, his mind refusing to believe what it already knew.

_It wasn't real._

_It never happened._

**_That _**_would _**_never _**_happen to me._

And yet he knew that it had happened, no matter how much he refused to believe it, the awful pain between his legs serving as a reminder of the torture he'd been subjected to by the beast. He slowly lowered his right hand and warily placed it upon the blanket, unable to tear his eyes away from it because of how much it shook with dread. He kept staring at it for a while, until he finally found the courage to push the blanket away and he saw the bandages around his thigh. It wasn't as though the pain he was in didn't serve as proof that his ordeal had been real, but he needed that last visual confirmation to accept it.

He had been raped.

The great Orihara Izaya, who thought himself to be above humans, had been raped.

He could hardly believe it himself, and **he was the victim.**

**_VICTIM... _**such a foreign concept to him.

He had never been a victim before, at least not until Shizuo plucked him from his special place in his metaphorical sky, where he thought he belonged, and flung him down to the ground with the rest of humanity. _How could things ever go so wrong? Wasn't I just taking a stroll through Ikebukuro for no particular reason,_he bitterly wondered.

It wasn't that running into Shizuo was out of the ordinary, but he should have assumed that sooner or later the man would truly snap. Truth be told, he had always wanted to see him lose it completely, but never in his wildest dreams did he think the brute capable of such an atrocity. He now understood that he had played with fire and got burned in the process; it was as simple as that. Now the question was how to put out that fire.

As much as he hated to remember, the events of that night were still as clear and vivid as they had been back then, and he knew that if it hadn't been for Kasuka, he would've surely been dead. It was ironic that the brother of the man who ruined him turned out to be his savior. The issue now was that Kasuka knew the truth, and it infuriated Izaya to know that someone had seen him so weak. Kasuka aside, there was also Shinra. He knew that he shouldn't feel ashamed about something out of his control, but that still didn't make him feel any less mortified at the thought of his friend seeing and being forced to patch up every wound that Shizuo had inflicted on and inside his body.

He took a deep breath before he finally let go of his hair, his whole body feeling numb. He stared blankly at the wall with tired eyes, his shoulders sagged, drowning in self-pity until his injured body demanded he lay back down again. Feeling both physically and mentally exhausted, he allowed his mind to sink into the sluggishness, and he floated between consciousness and unconsciousness for a long time until Shinra approached him cautiously after coming back to check up on him.

"I'm going to give you something for the pain, but first I need you to tell me how badly it hurts on a scale from one to ten."

_More than you can imagine_, thought Izaya, but he wasn't about to tell him that. "Six." Shinra handed him a couple of pills and a glass of water and Izaya greedily gulped down the liquid, his dry throat and lips in desperate need of hydration. "Thanks," he said as he gave him the glass back, only to glare in contempt at his still trembling hand.

"Don't worry about it," Shinra spoke softly, as if reading his mind, "you lost a large quantity of blood, so it's only natural."

Izaya nodded, thankful to the doctor for trying to give an explanation for it. He simply dreaded to think that the trembling of his hands was the effect of his fear, and he refused to believe that he had been reduced to such a pathetic _human._ He tore his eyes away from his left hand and looked Shinra in the eyes, even though it felt like it was something much harder to do than before, especially when the man knew what had happened to him. "Hey Shinra," he said brokenly and then took a small pause, the awful pain scratching at his consciousness breaking his focus. "I'm sorry."

Shinra felt his heart clench, Izaya's broken voice and overall posture making him feel really sorry for the man. "It's not your fault, so don't beat yourself over it," he said, no longer capable of hiding his pity, his brittle smile most likely telling Izaya exactly how he felt about the whole situation.

Izaya swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. "No, listen, that's not it. What I meant to say is that I never wanted you to have to―"

"No, don't," Shinra cut him off, "I don't even want to hear you say it. I _wanted_ to save you."

"I really am sorry," Izaya repeated and allowed himself to drift into unconsciousness, the pills having made him really sleepy. "I want to go home," he whispered softly right before he fell asleep.

"No can do; it was hard enough to bring you here to begin with, so I won't allow you to leave until you're out of danger," Shinra told him as he pulled the blanket higher up Izaya's body.

He sighed for the umpteenth time and walked out of the room, hating himself for being unable to do more to ease Izaya's suffering. He couldn't even make the physical pain go away, and he was a doctor, so how could he ever hope to take away the man's mental anguish? It was impossible. Izaya would never forget, and Shinra was starting to worry that the Informant would further damage himself while trying to take revenge on Ikebukuro's beast. Oh, he knew that Shizuo absolutely deserved it, but he didn't want Izaya to break completely while trying to destroy the monster. Exhausted, he slumped on the kitchen chair and lowered his head on the table, wishing that none of it would've happened. Not only did one of his friends get broken, but the one who had broken him was none other than the other friend that Shinra had. It was an extremely fucked up situation, and Shinra hated seeing Izaya so human. It simply did not fit the image of the strong and confident man that Shinra had come to know.

.

.

_**A/N:**__ Many thanks to the people who took the time to comment. I'm glad you're liking the fic so far. I'll be updating it every two days, until I reach the point where I run out of chapters, and then the updates will most likely change to a chapter every two week. The reason why I am posting one every two days is because I'm going over the chapters and editing them, and there are a lot of chapters. ( 44 so far )._


	8. Snakes of Despair

**Chapter 8 – Snakes of Despair**

.

Izaya spent the next few days in bed, not even talking to Shinra unless the man asked him if he wanted more painkillers. What was worse than the pain was the constant feeling of nausea settled in his stomach. Coming to terms with what happened was really hard for Izaya, so a part of him was still in denial even though he knew it to be true. Whenever he tried to sleep, he would wake up in a sweat, his whole body shivering in pure terror as the events of that night kept plaguing his every waking moment and dreams alike. When he was awake, he at least knew that it was all in the past, while in his nightmares he was only met with despair each time his mind unwillingly conjured the monster that was Shizuo. The Shizuo of his nightmares always caused him unbearable pain, not unlike the real one, but at least the real one was someplace else, and Izaya knew that he was safe at Shinra's apartment.

Speaking of Shinra, he couldn't have been more grateful to the man for everything he'd done for him. Not only did Shinra save his life, but he also took care of him even though he had no obligation to do so. Celty sometimes hovered outside the door, but she didn't dare disturb him, and Izaya could only assume that it was curiosity on her part, her general dislike of him being no secret. Then again, he couldn't help but wonder if she would still feel the same way if she knew what her precious Shizuo had done. Probably not, but he had no intention of telling her anything. It was already bad enough that Shinra and the bastard's brother knew. Out of all the people who could've found him that night, it just had to be Shizuo's little brother, as though the forces of the universe were doing their best to screw him over, and not just literally. His depressing thoughts were however interrupted when Shinra entered the room with a plate of food in his hand.

"I brought you some fatty tuna," Shinra chirped and pushed the plate into Izaya's face. "Here, take a bite," he insisted, but Izaya simply turned away his head in disgust. "Why do you refuse to eat?" the doctor finally asked when he figured that Izaya had no intention whatsoever to eat the delicacy that Shinra had bought specially for him.

"I'm not hungry," Izaya answered in a disturbingly apathetic voice.

"You're going to get sick if you don't eat anything," Shinra said, brows furrowed in both anger and concern while waiting for his patient to say or do something. "Izaya? Are you even listening to me?" he finally asked when he realized that the man was either ignoring him or was too lost inside his mind to notice anything around him.

Izaya raised his head, tired bloodshot eyes staring at his doctor and friend. "What...? Oh, I'm sorry, my mind was someplace else. What were you saying?"

"I said that you're going to get sick if you keep refusing to eat!" Shinra snapped, tempted to pick a piece of fatty tuna and force if down his stubborn patient's throat.

Izaya gazed at Shinra for a while with a blank expression on his face. "I'll be fine," he finally answered and hoped that he'd be left alone.

"I can't fix stupidity you know," Shinra complained and sighed in exasperation. "What do you hope to accomplish by starving yourself to death?"

Izaya didn't answer the question and instead lowered his head back on the pillow, clearly dismissing Shinra from his presence.

"Fine, have it your way, but don't you dare come to me for help once you'll start feeling sick," Shinra threatened just before he slammed the door behind him a bit too hard.

[ What's wrong? ] Celty asked when she saw an annoyed Shinra stomping into the kitchen.

"That idiot doesn't want to eat! His body needs energy to recover, yet he refuses to get anywhere near food," he hissed through clenched teeth and nearly threw the plate of fatty tuna on the table.

[ Perhaps he's feeling sick and he can't eat. ]

"Well, yes, but he has no reason to feel sick. It's _**his**_ favorite food," Shinra muttered and sat at the table with his arms folded in front of his chest.

[ I'm no expert in the process of feeding, but from what I've observed, some humans tend to not eat when they are feeling depressed. ]

Shinra flinched at Celty's observation, and the realization that Izaya might not be able to eat because of what happened to him made him feel guilty for snapping at the man. "Thank you, my darling Celty, you opened my eyes to something that I failed to see before," he said and kissed her hand gently. Celty immediately pulled it back, and he knew that if she had a head on her shoulders, her cheeks would've been flushed in embarrassment. It was cute how such a creature could be so shy sometimes, and he loved everything about her, regardless of the fact that she was not human, or perhaps especially because of it. Now knowing what he had to do, he picked up a few things and went back to Izaya, determined to help the man regardless of his patient's opinions on the matter.

"What are you doing?" Izaya asked when Shinra grabbed him, brows furrowing in both anger and apprehension as he glared daggers at the man holding his wrist in a vice-like grip.

"Doing you a favor," answered the doctor who only held on tighter when Izaya tried to jerk his hand away.

"What the hell, Shinra?!" Izaya snarled when he saw the needle in the doctor's other hand.

"PPN."

"What does that mean?" Izaya asked through clenched teeth, still trying to pull away his hand.

Shinra raised his head and looked him in the eyes. "Peripheral parenteral nutrition."

"Intravenous feeding?!" Izaya asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Shinra answered with a nod before he proceeded with his task now that Izaya was no longer struggling.

"You're crazy," Izaya said and finally relaxed in Shinra's grasp. "You really are crazy."

"So it would seem... but that might only apply to the things I end up doing because of you," Shinra confessed as he forced a smile on his face.

"Well, you did throw yourself in front of a knife that was meant for me, so I guess it's safe to say that I'm special enough to make you do crazy things," Izaya mused, a somewhat smug look on his face. "What other crazy things would you do for_―_ OUCH! That hurts!" Izaya complained when the needle entered his vein none too gently. "What was that for?"

"Sorry, I just remembered something when you mentioned the crazy things I'd do for you," Shinra said and then stepped away from Izaya once he was done setting up the whole thing.

Izaya narrowed his eyes at the doctor. "What did you do?"

Shinra scratched his head in an awkward manner and then dragged a chair closer to Izaya's bed so that he could sit down and have an honest talk with him. "I kind of threatened Shizuo," he said, cringing, and lowered his head. "I know that he... I know, Izaya."

Izaya paled. _"You!_ You crazy idiot!"

"Sorry about that, but I couldn't help myself," Shinra said and then laughed nervously.

"How did you find out?" Izaya asked in a meek voice.

"I'm a doctor, it's what I do." Shinra said, and he immediately felt bad for even mentioning it when he noticed that Izaya was trembling. He cursed himself for his stupidity and got up to leave. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"It's fine," Izaya said in a soft voice. "I might not show it very often, but I'm grateful to have you as a friend."

Shinra couldn't help but breathe in relief when he saw the small genuine smile on Izaya's face.

"What did... what did he say?" Izaya finally asked in a shaky voice.

Shinra smirked. "He didn't get a chance to talk that much, not with my boot crushing his windpipe and all that."

Izaya's eyes widened in disbelief. "You're insane..."

Shinra chuckled. "I won't deny that," he admitted before he left Izaya to rest, a small smile gracing his lips for finally getting his friend to have a conversation with him. _Perhaps Izaya might pull through after all, _he thought with no small amount of hope.

[ How did it go? ] Celty asked as soon as he sat down next to her on the living room couch.

"It went surprisingly well," Shinra told her with a grin on his face.

[ I'm glad to hear that. Orihara Izaya might be a bastard, but that doesn't mean that I want to see him suffer, or worse, die. ]

"That's because you have a gentle nature, Celty," he said softly and then he put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her when he felt her tense next to him.

[ What if I cease to be the Celty you know once I find my head? ]

"You don't have to find it. I love you just the way you are," he said and rested his head on top of her shoulder. "You don't need your head, you're already perfect."

[ But I still have to find it... ]

Shinra didn't say anything to that and instead gently picked up her hand and placed it in his palm. If only Celty would give up the search and accept him, he was sure that he could make her happy. After all, she was the only one in the world who he truly loved. "You don't have to, because you have me, and I would do anything for you. That's how much I love you," he told her and then wrapped an arm around her back. _I would even lie to you just to make sure that you'd stay here with me until the day I die. THAT is how much I love you._


	9. The Pieces Don't Fit

**Chapter 9: The Pieces Don't Fit**

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With each passing day, Izaya found himself wishing more and more to get away from Shinra. It wasn't that he was ungrateful, but enough was enough. Shinra was starting to treat him like he was made of glass, and even though the man was trying to act nonchalantly while in his presence, Izaya knew better.

"Please, you're not well enough yet, you can't go!" Shinra insisted, relentlessly hovering around his patient while Izaya put on some clothes he had previously grabbed from the doctor's closet.

"I can move now, which means that I'm well enough to get out of here," Izaya said in an annoyed tone and then shoved Shinra from his path when the man refused to move.

The doctor almost grabbed his arm to keep him there, but a glare from Izaya stopped him dead in his tracks. "You... you can't go," Shinra pleaded.

Izaya stopped and rubbed his temples, fighting to stay calm because he didn't want to say something he would end up regretting later. "I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, but believe me when I say that I can take care of myself from now on," he told the doctor before he turned around and headed straight for the door. He knew that Shinra wanted to say more, but the man had kept his mouth shut, and Izaya was grateful for that because he was not in the mood to argue.

He would've ran had he been able to, but as things were, all he could do was gingerly walk and hope that he wouldn't attract too much attention. The world seemed foreign once he got outside the flat, and for a terrifying second, the idea that Shizuo could be somewhere nearby almost made him want to run back to Shinra's apartment. The fear was followed by shame, and Izaya cursed under his breath before he forced his injured body to move forward. He grit his teeth when the pain made him break into a sweat, and he tried not to think of the many injuries littering his body because of a certain Heiwajima Shizuo. It wasn't his behind alone that hurt, and god, did it crush his pride to smithereens just to think about why exactly it hurt, but there was also his stabbed leg and broken rib. It ached to breath, let alone move, but the desire to go home was stronger than any torment his body was in.

He checked his pocket for the money he'd snatched from Shinra's coat just before he left and he was glad to see that he had enough for a taxi. He sighed loudly, but he immediately regretted the action when the stabbing pain in his chest almost left him breathless. "Great, just great," he mumbled to himself. It'd take weeks or even months to heal all the injuries, which meant that he'd have to deal with the pain for a very long time. The pain wasn't what bothered him the most ― he'd been hurt before, even though it was never as bad ― but the memories of how he got the injuries was what kept him awake at night. He shook his head in order to chase away the disturbing thoughts and then dragged his weak body towards the street where he knew he could easily find a taxi.

He didn't even get a chance to take too many steps before he ended up rooted on the spot when he thought he saw blond hair out of the corner of his left eye. His broken right hand immediately went to his pocket, and he almost panicked when he realized that he didn't have the switchblade with him. It wouldn't have made much of a difference when he couldn't use his broken right hand, but he suddenly felt more naked than he ever remembered feeling in his entire life. He reluctantly rotated his head in that direction, and then he sighed in relief when he realized he'd been wrong. It was then when it crossed Izaya's mind that he was way too jumpy, and maybe, just maybe, really freakin' scared, but he would never admit that to anyone, not even to himself.

He took another deep, slow breath and then continued to walk until he found a cab to take him to Shinjuku. Whenever the road turned bumpy, Izaya had to bite into his lower lip to keep himself from making any pained noises, and he was starting to think that perhaps Shinra had been right. He knew that he wasn't well enough to leave, but that still hadn't stopped him from leaving, because in order for him to be the Orihara Izaya from before, he had to go home and act like nothing happened. So what if he'd been raped? _People get raped every day and they still continue living, _he told himself as a way of encouragement. If his beloved humans could do it, then so could he, especially when he ― in his not-so-humble opinion ― was above them. It would take some effort to climb back to the high place from where he'd been forcefully plucked, but he was Orihara Izaya, and that was enough to make it happen.

When the car finally stopped in front of his apartment building, he got out and slowly made his way towards the elevator. He pressed the button to his floor with a shaky hand, and he had to grab onto something to not collapse from exhaustion. He chuckled bitterly at how weak he was, and then breathed in relief when the elevator stopped. Black spots were starting to cloud his vision, and he knew that if he didn't hurry he would end up collapsing before he would manage to get inside his apartment. Summoning the last bit of strength he had left, he limped along the wall until he was in front of the door, which unfortunately took longer to open than he had expected, and once he went inside he only managed to take two steps before he ended up collapsing on the floor. He moaned in anguish when his broken rib shifted inside his chest at the contact with the hard floor, and all he could do was lie there broken and hurting while waiting for unconsciousness to claim him. Unconsciousness was taking its time though, and Izaya couldn't stand the idea of being sprawled on the cold floor again, _just like that time in the alley_. It felt like an eternity had passed before everything turned black, and he almost welcomed the darkness because that was always better than remembering.

He woke up a few hours later to the sound of someone's voice, and he groaned in pain as he slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times to clear his vision. "Namie?" he asked softly, wanting to make sure it was really her, because he was still on his stomach and he didn't have enough energy to get up by himself.

"Yeah, who else? Will you get up already?" she snorted while tapping a foot on the floor next to Izaya's unmoving form. "It's irritating to see you lying there like that," she added before she went to drop a few files on her desk. "I have some things to take care of, so I can't stay today."

"Then go," Izaya said in a clearly annoyed tone while struggling to push his head off the floor. "Some help would be nice," he told her when the woman approached him.

She let out an exasperated sigh and grabbed him by the arm to pull him up. "You don't pay me enough for this," she complained and then released him as soon as Izaya was standing.

"Maybe I'm paying you too much," he mumbled and limped to the couch where he sat down.

Namie snorted at the remark.

"Aren't you glad to have me back?" he asked, smirking.

Namie rolled her eyes. "Ecstatic. Bye," she said before she slammed the door behind her, the loud noise making Izaya wince.

Other people might've been put off by her behavior, but it helped Izaya to know that she was treating him the same way she always did. His eyes darted around the apartment, and he was relieved to see that someone had cleaned up the blood trail leading to the bathroom. He hoped the bathroom was also clean, because he wasn't sure that he could walk in there and see all that blood without feeling sick. If he had to take a guess as to who was responsible for cleaning it up, he'd bet his money on Celty. Namie would never bother, and Shinra was probably too busy taking care of him to worry about some blood on the floor.

He closed his eyes and stayed like that on the couch for a while, until he gathered enough energy to get up and go change into something more comfortable. He was anxious to get online to see if his people had noticed his absence. He had a feeling that some rumors about him being dead were already going around. He wasn't stupid though, he knew that Shinra had barely managed to save his life, but even that wouldn't have been possible if Kasuka hadn't found him that night, the irony of the beast's brother saving his life being somewhat amusing in a sick and twisted way. He chuckled as he made his way to the laptop, but before he got to his desk he did a one hundred and eighty degrees turn and went back to his room to grab a pillow so that his abused behind wouldn't hurt as much when he sat down in his office chair. Not that the chair wasn't comfortable, but his behind hurt _that much._The cab ride had been hellish enough, and he didn't want to go through something like that again anytime soon. After setting the pillow in place, he gingerly sat down and opened the laptop, realizing how much he'd missed getting online. The first thing he did was to go through his emails, but he ended up closing the window when he couldn't find anything interesting. With nothing else to do, he decided to check on the Dollars chat room.

―――Kanra has entered the chat room.―――

Tanaka Tarō: 【Do you really believe that?】

Kanra: 《What are you talking about?》

Tanaka Tarō: 【Good afternoon Kanra-san.】

Kanra: 《Good afternoon!》

Bakyura: 「There's a rumor going around about Orihara Izaya.」

Kanra: 《Oh?》

Tanaka Tarō: 【Some people are saying that he got killed by Heiwajima Shizuo.】

Bakyura: 「I highly doubt that.」

Setton: [I agree. I'm sure he's fine.]

Kanra: 《Why is everyone suspecting Heiwajima Shizuo?》

Bakyura: 「He's been unusually quiet lately.」

Kanra: 《Quiet in what way?》

Setton: [Nothing got destroyed in the past week or so.]

Bakyura: 「This discussion is pointless and I have to go anyway. Bye.」

Kanra: 《Bye.》

Setton: [Bye.]

―――Bakyura has left the chat room.―――

Tanaka Tarō : 【If he really is dead, his corpse will show up eventually.】

Kanra: 《Scaaaary~》

Setton: [He's not dead!]

Indoor Scholar: 『Of course he isn't. Stop talking nonsense, people.』

Kanra: 《I also have to go. I'll talk to you guys later. Byeee~》

―――Kanra has left the chat room.―――

Izaya stared blankly at the screen for a few moments before he closed the lid and got up, his enthusiasm about getting online flying out the window.

_So the beast is acting strange..._

Something occurred to him, and he started laughing hysterically, occasionally stopping to gasp for air whenever the pain in his chest got too bad.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, **you'd better not be regretting what you did to me!** You're only a mindless beast after all," he said out loud as he walked over to the chessboard. "I can't rush this, I must find the perfect strategy to destroy you, because you're **special.**" His hand hovered over the pieces and he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I can't decide which piece you are, beast..."

He pulled back his broken hand and stood there motionless for a few minutes. "You can't be a knight, you're not honorable enough, nor are you a king, because you don't hide behind others." There was silence again for a while, until a terrifying smirk appeared on his face and he chuckled darkly as he raised his eyes from the board and gazed into the distance.

"You're none of those pieces, Shizu-chan, neither of us is! And because you dared to break my body, I will break your spirit in return! It will be glorious!" he said and raised both arms in the air. "I will make you cry, beast!"

After a few moments of musing, he lowered his arms and went to sit back in the chair at his desk. "Even beasts can be broken, and **I will break you!**"


	10. Without Wings

**Chapter 10: Without Wings**

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It worried Izaya that sometimes he found himself missing the thrill of a chase, and the fact that there was any part of him missing anything related to the beast, made him feel extremely disturbed. After some heavy thinking, he reasoned that it was because he couldn't stand how his body didn't allow him to do much besides slowly moving around his apartment, and for someone as active as he used to be, it was pure torture. To make things worse, he couldn't come up with the perfect way to take revenge on Shizuo. Oh, he thought of a few ways to make him suffer, but none of them seemed good enough. _Not poetic enough_. He was in no hurry though. It was best to leave Shizuo alone for a while, to make him believe that maybe, just maybe, he would be safe from his wrath, and then, when he'd least expect it, to destroy him in the blink of an eye. After all, _revenge is a meal best served cold_, he kept telling himself. Unfortunately, it didn't make him feel any better.

"Stop it!" Namie snapped, startling Izaya badly enough to almost make him jump out of his seat.

"WHAT?" he snapped back at her.

"You're sighing non-stop, it's distracting," she said, this time in a flat tone.

"I've been stuck in this apartment for the past three weeks, so excuse me for being bored out of my mind!"

Namie stared blankly at him for a while before she spoke in a cold voice. "My heart bleeds for you."

Izaya stared back at her. "An iceberg is warmer than you."

"Whatever, I'm done anyway," she muttered as she got up. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Do I have to?" he whined.

"Unfortunately for me, yes." She picked up her purse from the desk and started walking towards the door. She hesitated however when she pressed the handle, and instead of leaving, she turned around with a frown on her face. "Do you want me to bring you some fatty tuna tomorrow?" she asked, her voice uncertain.

Izaya blinked, a puzzled expression on his face. "Why do you ask?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Eh?"

Namie let out an exasperated sigh. "I've seen mummies looking better than you."

Izaya's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Namie-san is being really really mean today," he muttered, pouting.

"Just answer with either yes or no!"

"No, but it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside to know that you care!"

"As if! I just don't want to be bothered having to look for another job if you end up croaking."

"You speak such sweet words!"

Izaya chuckled when Namie opened the door and left the apartment without saying another word, but that didn't last long because he was once again alone, which meant that he could stop pretending. He pushed the laptop away and placed his head on the desk, feeling completely exhausted. As he sat there, it crossed his mind that it used to be much easier for him to pretend before the whole Shizuo _**thing.**_ Just having to act like nothing was wrong in front of Namie was tiresome enough, and he didn't want to imagine how much harder it would be to do it out there too. His people knew him to be strong and confident, someone who could take on Ikubukuro's beast with a smile and laugh in the face of danger; or at least that's what he hoped they were still thinking. The rumors about him being dead were spreading like wildfire, and even though Izaya hated letting the rumors get out of hand, it was better than going out there on the streets in such a weakened state. As much as he loved his humans, he knew they were merciless and cruel creatures. _The weaker you are, the more they want to destroy you._

Orihara Izaya could not afford the luxury of appearing weak.

He figured that it wasn't the actual chases around Ikebukuro that he was missing. No, what he was truly missing were the days when walking was easy, when he could eat food and enjoy it, but most of all he was missing a good night's sleep. When he was awake, he could somehow handle the memories, but during sleep, he kept drowning in endless nightmares. It was frustrating how a part of him, a part he refused to even acknowledge, was still so terrified of the beast. He was so tired that he barely had the energy to get up. He groaned and raised his head off the desk, his mind set on heading to bed even though it was early. A month had passed since it happened, and he was still having nightmares about it. It got to the point where he could only take a break from it all after passing out from exhaustion. Unfortunately, right at that moment he wasn't tired enough, but the bed was much more comfortable than the office chair. He slowly got to his feet and started dragging his tired body towards the stairs, only to stop in his tracks when he heard someone at the door.

It was unsettling, and the ominous sound of the doorbell made him feel uneasy. He didn't even care who it was, he wanted that person to leave, but he, or she, kept ringing and knocking until Izaya had no choice but to approach the door to see who it was.

"Open up, Orihara-san!" Izaya heard through the door when he was one step away from it. He cringed when he recognized the voice, and opening the door was the last thing he wanted to do, so he stood frozen on the spot for a few seconds, debating whether or not it was worth the risk of not letting the man in. He cringed harder when the man knocked again, and Izaya had to force himself to grab the handle and unlock the door.

"I knew the rumors were not true," Shiki stated calmly as though he was expecting to see the man alive and well.

Unable to hide his surprise at seeing not only Shiki, but Akabayashi and Aozaki too, Izaya's eyes widened in both fear and apprehesion, and he could only hope that his racing heart would stop hammering so loudly inside his chest. Until that time, he had no choice but to try to put on a mask of indifference. "Of course, Shiki-san," he said and moved out of the way to let the three men inside.

"I've actually seen people betting on whether you'd turn up dead or alive," Shiki informed him, and Aozaki snorted at the remark. "Don't mind him; he's upset that he lost the bet."

Izaya chuckled and moved further into the apartment. "Please sit down," he said while motioning for the three Awakusu-Kai executives to sit on the couch. "What is the majority betting on?"

"That you got killed by Heiwajima Shizuo," Akabayashi answered while looking around the apartment.

"I almost feel offended," Izaya gasped playfully. "Do people have such a low opinion of me?"

"Yeah," Aozaki frowned. "is that a problem?"

"Not at all," Izaya answered with a smile on his face, even though on the inside he wanted nothing more than to crack open the man's skull. "Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" He heard Akabayashi snicker at his words, but the man seemed more interested in checking out the apartment than to hear him speak. Izaya didn't know why, but Akabayashi's cane always unsettled him, especially when he tended to drag it across the floor. For some reason, he couldn't tear his eyes away from it.

"I'll go straight to the subject," Shiki said, sounding serious. "We know for a fact there are a few spies within the Awakusu-kai, and we need you to find them."

Izaya's eyes settled on Shiki's face before he let out a dramatic sigh. "Although I may not be dead, I am still injured, and as such, I will refrain from taking on any jobs at the moment." He heard Akabayashi chuckle again, and Izaya turned towards the man with a somewhat annoyed expression on his face just in time to see the Awakusu-Kai executive getting dangerously close to his laptop. "Akabayashi-san!" Izaya called out in a sickly sweet voice, "could you please not touch my laptop? Thanks."

Akabayashi shrugged. "I was just looking, s'all."

"Look someplace else?" Izaya suggested, his voice hiding his annoyance quite well. He heard the man mutter something under his breath, but to his relief, Akabayashi moved away from the desk. With that out of the way, Izaya's attention went back to Shiki.

The corners of Shiki's mouth moved upwards in a disturbing smirk, and Izaya almost recoiled at the look he was getting. "Orihara-san, I wasn't asking, I was ordering you."

"As if **you** could ever order me around," Izaya scoffed without thinking, already regretting it when he felt Aozaki's intimidating presence loom dangerously close behind him. Izaya might've been able to escape these three before, but there was no way he could do it when he barely had the energy to stand up. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he almost jumped out of his skin at the contact, disgust racing through his body. After what happened with Shizuo, he could barely stand Shinra touching him, and now Aozaki's rough and cold hand was on his shoulder ― the man's pinky touching the curve of his neck ― and it made Izaya's skin crawl so badly that he ended up shuddering despite himself. He slowly raised his eyes to look at the man's face, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Aozaki could see the weakness in him.

"Are you cold, **Izaya-kun?"** asked the Blue Demon of the Awakusu-Kai with a mocking smile on his face.

"I'm fine," Izaya hissed through gritted teeth as he tried to pry away his shoulder, only to fail in doing so when Aozaki tightened his grip so much that it hurt. "**LET GO!**" he demanded, and the man had no choice but to release him when Shiki's voice cut through the tension.

"Aozaki, we're not here to fight."

"Tch!" was the only thing the man said before he pulled back his hand and moved somewhere to Izaya's right.

"It's a special request from Dougen-sama," continued Shiki, "I suggest you accept it."

Unfortunately, Izaya couldn't accept it. He was too busy trying to come up with the perfect punishment for Shizuo, and he didn't have time to waste on some pathetic hoodlums. Besides, finding spies was never easy; it could take weeks, even months. "Not interested," he told them. What was the worst thing they could do, beat him to a bloody pulp? Nothing could be worse than what Shizuo had done to him, so a beating from the three executives would most likely feel like a walk in the park.

"Orihara-san," he heard Shiki growl, and he nearly started laughing at seeing the great Awakusu-Kai executive losing his cool demeanor, "don't make me ask again."

"Like I said, I'm not interested," Izaya shrugged and waved a dismissive hand. "I couldn't care less what that old man wants from me. I have no obligation to help him."

"You tried using his niece for your little schemes, and now you have the obligation to redeem yourself somehow."

"It was only a harmless game."

"She could've gotten hurt." Shiki then got up. "This is the last time I'm asking you. Find the spies within the Awakusu-kai!"

"No," Izaya snorted in a smug tone. "I couldn't care less about the old man's request. Besides, shouldn't he stop playing around and retire already? People his age should stay at home and spend time with their granddaughters instead of running an underground operation."

"How dare you?" Shiki hissed.

Izaya chuckled at their audacity. As though they could ever order him around like he was some sort of underling! No, it simply did not work that way. "Get out of my house," he said, smirking, "and tell Awakusu Dougen that I'm not one of his lap dogs to jump every time he issues a command. Although I might consider taking on the job in a few months, if I'll have enough free time, and if he pays me well enough to make up for the horrible attitude you lot displayed today." He didn't even see Aozaki move, focused as he was on Shiki, and before he even had a chance to react, the man's fist collided with his rib cage so hard that he was sent flying across the room. He heard one or more ribs break with a sickening crunch, and he gasped desperately for some much needed air. He only blinked once, and when he opened his eyes again, Aozaki was in his face.

"No one, **NO ONE** insults Dougen-sama in my presence and gets away with it," Aozaki growled just before he grabbed Izaya by the front of his shirt to pull him up.

"Let. Go. **NOW!**" Izaya demanded the moment he was able to speak again.

"You gotta give it to him Aozaki, the man has guts," Akabayashi marveled while playing with one of the pieces from the chess board.

"Enough!" Shiki's voice thundered before he approached both Izaya and Aozaki. He pulled out a piece of paper and shoved it into Izaya's pocket. "That's Slon's number, he'll help you out with this one."

"I'm not inte―"

"I said enough!" Shiki snapped. "Aozaki, Akabayashi, let's go."

Aozaki seemed reluctant to let go, but he eventually did so, causing Izaya to collapse on the floor in a heap.

"Tch! This bastard should be taught a lesson," Aozaki hissed as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants.

Akabayashi grinned and spun his cane around as he too slowly walked out of the apartment behind Aozaki. "Perhaps, but not today."

Izaya raised his head and glared at Shiki while the man kept staring down at him.

"We'll see you around," Shiki promised, finally, and left as well.

.

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_**A/N:**__ Comments are welcome. :)_


	11. Closer To The Edge

_**A/N:**__ It's weekend, so I thought it'd be nice to post a new chapter. :)_

.

**Chapter 11: Closer To The Edge**

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Izaya moaned in anguish, but he struggled to get up anyway. "Ahh!" he cried out loud, the vicious pain in his chest making him double over in agony. He slowly walked to the desk, dangerously swaying with each step he took until he reached it and grabbed the phone to call Shinra. His hand tightened around it when the man didn't answer, but he tried to stay calm even though the pain was so bad that it almost brought tears to his eyes. He was starting to worry that one of the broken ribs might've grazed a lung, especially when he could feel a stabbing pain each time he took a breath. He lowered the phone and typed a message to Celty.

_《_ _I need you to come pick me up.__》_

_[ Sorry, I can't, I'm busy at the moment. ]_

That was her answer, and for a moment, it surprised Izaya that he felt bitterness after reading it. He called a taxi instead, picked up his phone, keys and jacket, and then walked out of the apartment. He was in terrible pain, yet he felt like laughing because he ended up facing three strong men who could've hurt him a lot more had they wanted, and he's succeeded in keeping his defiance until the end. It was good, he was good, Shizuo hadn't really broken him as badly as he feared.

He swayed out of the elevator and slowly made his way outside where a taxi was already waiting for him. Luckily, the taxi driver was quite the observant person, so the man immediately got out and helped his passenger inside the car.

"Thank you," Izaya said as soon as he found a good position which allowed him to somewhat breathe.

"No problem. Where to now?"

"Ikebukuro."

The driver started the car, carefully listening to the address Izaya gave him while the Informant struggled to speak without crying out in pain. He was a man in his fifties, and Izaya was surprised to see there were still some nice people in the city who would help a complete stranger. There was, of course, the possibility that the man might've done it in the hope of getting some extra cash, but Izaya was grateful nonetheless. Humans truly were fascinating creatures. Once they arrived at Shinra's place, he paid the man a little extra for helping him out, got out of the car and went up to the apartment.

"Izaya!" Shinra gasped when he saw who was at his door.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?!" Izaya snapped and then gasped when fresh pain spread throughout his chest area like wildfire.

Shinra grabbed him by the arm and helped him inside. "I was taking a shower! What happened?"

"I respectfully refused to take on a job," Izaya told him, chuckling, only to regret it when he almost collapsed in agony.

"It's not funny! Don't talk, don't laugh, don't even breathe!" Shinra ordered, worry seeping into his voice when he figured that whatever was wrong with Izaya had something to do with the man's ribs. He half-dragged the seriously injured man to the couch where he took the coat and t-shirt off before he proceeded to inspect the damage. "Stand still!"

"I'm trying, it hurts a lot, especially when you keep pressing on them," Izaya hissed.

Shinra gave him an annoyed glare. "How else am I to assess the damage?"

"I don't know!" Izaya screeched when a particular poke to his ribs made him want to punch the doctor in the face for causing him more pain.

Shinra grabbed him by the shoulder to keep him there, the man's squirming making his job a lot harder than it had to be. "Did you get hurt anywhere else?"

"No, only my chest ran into a fist," Izaya said, chuckling.

"You mean a fist ran into your chest," Shinra corrected him while rolling his eyes.

"Or that," Izaya said, grinning.

Shinra sighed. "You make such terrible jokes sometimes..."

"Tch!"

"Well, anyway, I have some good news and some bad news. Which ones do you want to hear first?"

"Give me the bad ones," Izaya chirped, "it's better to get that over with."

Shinra sighed tiredly. He hated giving his friend bad news. "The rib that was broken before and that was starting to heal is broken again."

"What are the good news?" Izaya asked through gritted teeth.

Shinra laughed sheepishly. "It's just that one rib?"

Izaya shot him a nasty glare. "Are you sure that only one rib is broken?"

"Yeah."

"One hundred percent sure? It hurts a lot worse than it did last time."

"Yes I am sure. Trust me, unlike you, I am a doctor."

Izaya rolled his eyes at the bad joke but didn't say anything else.

"Now, moving on to the next issue, can you tell me why you look like a skeleton? You promised that you would start eating if I left you alone, but look at you now! What happened?! Tell me!" Shinra demanded, his voice almost resembling a growl; that's how pissed he was about the whole thing.

Izaya winced at the loudness of the doctor's tone, and then sighed, knowing that Shinra wouldn't leave him be unless he answered. Still, it was worth a try. "Can we talk about this later? I'm suffering here, remember? Pain?"

Shinra took out something from his pocket and dangled it in front of Izaya's face. "Answer my question and you get painkillers as a reward."

"Bastard," Izaya hissed at the sadistic doctor in front of him.

Shinra gave him a blank look. "In no way bigger than you, of that I am certain."

"I don't really want to talk about it," Izaya admitted so softly that Shinra had to strain his ears to hear him.

After a few moments of silence, Shinra grabbed his friend's head and forced him to look into his eyes. "Tell me."

"Plea―"

"Izaya!" Shinra growled.

"Don't make me say it..."

"Just tell me already, please!"

"Okay, fine! Fine! It's just that it... it already hurts a lot, so it'd hurt so much more when... when the food has to come out, you know?" Izaya nearly whispered while wearing a pained expression on his face.

"Oh," Shinra exclaimed, his face set into a grimace. "Okay, but I am certain that I mentioned some things that could've helped, like brown rice, oats, beans, and a few others."

Izaya tried to look away, his face as red as a tomato, but Shinra didn't allow it.

"How about those ointments? Have you been using them?"

"YES! Can we stop talking about my behind please?" Izaya nearly screeched.

"All right, fine, so what have you been eating?"

"Energy drinks, coffee, vegetables and fruit juice?" Izaya spoke softly, trying really hard not to look into the other man's eyes.

Izaya felt the hands on either side of his face tighten, and he wondered just how badly he had pissed Shinra off. He found it ridiculous how the doctor could scare him more than the Yakuza with guns ever could, but that was one of the reasons the man was interesting enough to have been noticed by him in the first place.

After a long pause, Shinra took a deep breath before he let go of Izaya's head and finally spoke. "Ok, I won't lecture you, it's too late for that now, but you will start eating; doctor's orders."

Izaya knew he was sulking, but he didn't care anymore; he just wanted Shinra to stop talking about embarrassing stuff that made him want to disappear into the floor.

"Here," said the man as he handed him some painkillers and a glass of water. "I was on my way to buy something to eat when you showed up, so just sit here quietly for a while until I come back, and then Celty and I will cook something and we'll eat dinner together."

"You want to poison me?! I'd rather starve to death than eat what Cel―"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" Shinra hissed.

"Fine, I'll wait," Izaya mumbled and grabbed the remote control to watch some TV while Shinra went to buy food.

.

.

**―****Thirty-seven minutes earlier, somewhere in Ikebukuro―**

.

_《_ _I need you to come pick me up.__》_

_[ Sorry, I can't, I'm busy at the moment. ]_

"Who was that?" Shizuo asked when he saw Celty replying to a message.

[ No one important. ]

"If you gotta go, then go," he said with a shrug before he started walking away.

[ You don't look so good, so I'm not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what's wrong. ]

"I already told you. Nothing is wrong."

[ Please tell me. ]

"Some asshole grazed my arm with a knife. Maybe it got infected, I don't know," Shizuo mumbled as he gave Celty another shrug.

[ That's serious! Come with me and let Shinra have a look at it! ]

Shizuo knew she was worried when some of the black smoke started seeping from underneath her helmet. "You're doing it again," Shizuo informed her.

[ ? ]

"The smoke... people might see if you don't stop."

She seemed flustered for a second, but once the smoke retracted she went back to nagging him about having Shinra take a look at the wound. No matter what Celty said, it was pointless. The man had made it quite clear how much he despised him, and Shizuo couldn't really blame him. He had known for years that the doctor was friends with Izaya, and even though it never really bothered him before ― he wasn't that petty ― he now knew that he had been the one to force Shinra to choose between the two of them. The words Shinra left him with that day still chilled him to the core, and he could only imagine what it must've been like for the doctor to have to treat Izaya's wounds, the wounds that Shizuo himself had inflicted with so much twisted satisfaction. At least it didn't look Shinra had told Celty anything, and for that he was grateful. He couldn't imagine what life would be like for him if Celty abandoned him as well.

[ Please come with me! ]

He sighed but didn't say anything and instead kept on walking.

[ Did something happen between you and Shinra? ]

Shizuo stopped. "What makes you think that?"

[ You haven't talked to or about each other in over a month. ]

_She's way too observant_, Shizuo thought begrudgingly. "I've been busy, s'all," he said and continued walking.

[ I don't believe you! ]

Shizuo grit his teeth in frustration, hoping that she would leave before he ended up accidentally revealing something he didn't want her to know. If there was someone he did not want to find out about what he'd done, that someone was Celty.

[ SHIZUO! ]

"Look, we had a fall out, all right?" he snapped at her.

[ What happened? ]

Shizuo's eyes fell on the PDA and he ended up cringing when he read the question. "Can you please drop the subject?"

[ Not until you either come with me or tell me what happened. ]

"I'll go to a hospital later," he tried to assure her, but she was having none of that.

[ Not acceptable. Come with me. ]

Shizuo cursed under his breath, finally figuring out that Celty would never let it go if he didn't follow her to Shinra's apartment. Shinra hadn't told her anything, which meant that he also didn't want her to know, so he'd most likely play along if it was for Celty's sake. He sighed loudly. "Fine, let's go," he mumbled, and they both got on the bike, Shizuo spending the entire way there dreading meeting Shinra again.

[ Here, take the key and go upstairs. I'm going to pick up Shinra. ]

"What? He's not home?"

[ He just sent me a message saying that he went to buy food. Just go. ]

"Are you sure?" he asked, glaring at the key as though it would burn him if he were to so much as come in contact with it.

[ I'm sure, ] she said and dropped the key into his palm.

Shizuo watched her leave before he reluctantly walked inside the apartment building. The mere prospect of seeing Shinra's face again almost made him want to turn tail, but he knew that once Celty set her mind on something, there was no going back, which meant that in order for her to not find out about what he'd done to Izaya, he had to face Shinra.

He didn't even realize when he'd gotten to the door, his mind bombarding him with horrible scenarios about how Shinra would react when he saw him, so he shook his head to chase them away and inserted the key into the lock before pushing the door open and walking inside.

For a moment he thought he got the wrong apartment when he saw someone sitting on the couch, that person's back turned to the hallway and facing the sliding door between the living-room and the hallway. He almost took a step back in order to get out of there, but then he remembered that the key had opened the door, which meant that he was not in the wrong place after all.

"It was about time," said the man, and Shizuo dropped the key when he recognized the voice.


	12. Insanity's Crescendo

"Can I get some better painkillers? The stuff you gave me is useless," Izaya continued, not yet realizing that Shinra was not the one inside the apartment with him.

Shizuo had never before found himself to be at such a loss for words. What could he say? _It's me, Shizuo; oh, and by the way, I'm sorry I raped you?_ Even if he were to apologize, to Izaya those would be nothing more than empty words.

"Shinra, are you liste―?" Izaya snapped and turned his head to glare at the man, only to lose his voice when he saw who was standing there in the living room with him.

Their eyes met, and Shizuo could see Izaya's previous annoyed expression morph into one of pure terror, the same expression that Shizuo was so used to seeing on other people's faces but not on his enemy's. Before he could say a word, Izaya sprang to his feet and jumped away to the opposite side of the room. His eyes seemed to frantically search for something, and when it looked like he couldn't find what he was looking for, Shizuo saw him swing the hand he remembered breaking, which was now in a cast, straight towards the glass sliding door leading to the balcony, the loud sound as the glass hit the floor making him wince.

He watched Izaya crouch down to grab a piece of glass, those almost red eyes never leaving him even after the Informant got up and assumed a defensive position. It felt unnatural to see Izaya with that thing in his left hand instead of the usual switchblade in his right, and the sight of the blood running down the skinny forearm from holding onto it too tightly made him cringe. "Can we talk?" he tried, and he didn't miss Izaya's flinch when the man heard his voice. Izaya was in no shape to fight him, the nasty bruise starting to form on the pale chest clearly indicating that he was hurt. That wasn't all though; Izaya's strength had always been his agility, which meant that he needed a lean body to do all the parkour, but he wasn't lean anymore, the once healthy-looking man being replaced by this malnourished thing with hollow cheeks and haunted eyes.

"Izaya, we need to―" he started, but in the next moment Izaya was upon him like a wild beast, his usual coordinated attacks nowhere to be seen. This was a cornered animal with nothing to lose, and Shizuo knew that if he didn't do something, and soon, Izaya would either hurt himself or he would end up unintentionally hurting him. He dodged the first attack and then tried to grab Izaya, but the cornered beast was unpredictable, making Shizuo's task of apprehending him with minimum damage really hard to accomplish. The fact that Izaya was so proficient at handling weapons with his left hand took Shizuo by surprise, and he barely had time to protect himself by raising his left arm in time to block the attack heading straight towards his throat. The piece of glass embedded itself into his forearm, and he took the opportunity to grab Izaya by the neck and throw him into the hallway and away from the broken glass.

He immediately removed the piece of glass from his forearm and threw it towards the balcony before he rushed to Izaya, bent down, grabbed both of his wrists in one hand, and then wrapped the other around the frail neck before the man even had a chance to get up. He pulled up a struggling Izaya and started dragging him back to the living-room, but the man raised one leg and tried to push him away. **"Izaya!"** Shizuo growled as he tightened his hold and kept it like that until Izaya stopped struggling. Now that the man was finally compliant, Shizuo pushed him into the armchair and kept him pinned there in the hope that Izaya would finally snap out of it. He forced a knee between Izaya's legs to make sure that he couldn't kick him, and then leaned in closer until Izaya's face was mere inches away from his own. Even though he was restraining him, Shizuo hoped he could make him understand that he meant no harm, but he knew it wouldn't be easy because Izaya was shaking like a leaf, his eyes unfocused and glazed over. It crushed Shizuo to know that he could cause such terror in another person.

"Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you," he said, but Izaya was still in his own world. **"FLEA!"** he growled and Izaya jerked in his hold, some flicker of recognition coming back to those terrified brown-red eyes. **"Snap out of it already!"**

Izaya took a few deep breaths in order to gather his wits. "F-fuck you," he hissed.

Shizuo sighed, but didn't let go yet. "Welcome back. flea."

**"Fuck you!"** Izaya repeated in a venomous tone, even though on the inside he was terrified at the prospect of what would happen to him now that Shizuo had him immobilized. The man was way too close, the hot breath tickling his face making his skin crawl. He felt Shizuo loosen the grip he had on his neck, the hand making its way towards his shoulder, and he shuddered, feeling completely disgusted by the touch. **"Don't!"**

"I won't!" Shizuo hurried to answer. "I will never touch you like that again."

"Let go!" Izaya demanded, but his voice sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

"I want to," Shizuo spoke softly, "but there's no guarantee you won't lose it again."

"I didn't lose it to begin with," Izaya hissed through clenched teeth. He could clearly remember everything up to the point where he got pinned down by Shizuo, that being the moment when his mind got flooded by memories and he ended up drowning in them.

Shizuo gave him an incredulous look. "Seriously?" He'd been certain that Izaya was not himself when he attacked, but if the man had really been aware of his actions, then Izaya must've been really desperate if he ended up fighting in such a wild manner.

"I'm not a beast, like you," Izaya said in a malicious voice. "Get your filthy hands off, **now!"**

Shizuo pondered the demand, but in the end he decided against it. "If I do that, you're going to attack me again, and I don't want to hurt you."

"That's rich, coming from you," Izaya said, his voice dripping venom. "Or have you already forgotten what you did to me, how you almost killed me?"

"I... haven't forgotten... I... I'm sorry," Shizuo apologized in a voice laced with guilt.

Izaya's eyes widened in disbelief and he broke into hysterical laughter. "Ahh ha ha ha! **You goddam beast!** You dare apologize to me? Ahh ha ha ha ha!" he kept laughing, until he couldn't anymore because of the pain caused by the broken rib. **"You monster!"** he hissed, his expression turning savage again. "You have no right to be sorry!" he said and he noticed how Shizuo's grip on his shoulder tightened. "Beasts cannot feel regret, they have no feelings after all," he added with a nasty smirk on his face. "You're guided by your instincts only and that's why you're nothing more than a vicious animal, a**beast**. Eat, sleep, fuck, that's all you care about."

Shizuo growled and tightened his grip until he heard Izaya whimper. "You kept pushing me until I snapped; that's what you wanted, and now that I showed you the monster I've been trying to suppress, you start complaining. You're a hypocrite, flea."

"I'm a hypocrite?! You're the only hypocrite here, always pretending to be human when you're nothing more than a savage beast! You... you bastard... **you sick fuck!"** Izaya shouted in pure rage, but he ended up regretting it when Shizuo snarled and tightened the hold he had on his shoulder until he could feel the beginning of tears starting to form at the corners of his tightly shut eyes. Shizuo was still a beast with inhuman strength, and it hurt so much that Izaya had to bite hard into his lower lip to stop himself from crying out, only a few pained whimpers escaping past his lips. By the time Shizuo loosened his grip, there was blood running down Izaya's chin, the coppery taste almost making him gag.

"I am human! I have feelings too! You think it's easy for me to go on living knowing what I did to you? But you know what? You made me do it! It's only your fault," Shizuo said in a low, desperate, yet dangerous tone.

Izaya felt a shiver run down his spine, and he was damn terrified at the whole situation, but he had so much hate and resentment bottled up inside of him that he felt as though he would burst at any moment. "Oh, I see, so now you're blaming me for what you did, like I asked you to stab me, burn me, break my bones and then violate me in such a disgusting and vicious manner. **All of it is on you, beast!"** he snapped and spat Shizuo in the face.

Shizuo growled, and the hand which was previously on Izaya's shoulder viciously tightened around his neck again, not letting go even when Izaya started struggling for air. "You made me lose my job, and because of that I ended up disappointing my brother. Your fault, all your fault, you made me this way, I hate you, I hate you so much, why did you provoke me? All your fault, **everything is your fucking fault!"** Shizuo said brokenly, only letting go when he succeeded in snapping out of his temporary insanity enough to see that he was choking Izaya to death. "I'm sorry!" he nearly screeched and immediately released Izaya's wrists. He watched with wide, horrified eyes how the man he'd just tried to choke to death was struggling to breathe, and the idea that he truly was a monster came back to him with full force. Then, out of nowhere, he heard Shinra shout, and before he could react, he was punched in the face so hard that he ended up on the floor. _I didn't even see him come in_, he thought as he pushed himself off the ground with trembling limbs.

"Get away from him, **now!"** Shinra shouted and watched with hateful eyes as Shizuo staggered to the other side of the room.

Celty could only stare in shock. Never had she seen Shinra so angry before, and the fact that the anger was directed at Shizuo made things that much stranger. She was now certain that something must've happened between the two of them to shatter their friendship.

"Izaya, are you ok?" Shinra asked in a worried voice, immediately proceeding to inspect the damage when Izaya wouldn't answer. His eyes widened when he saw the bruise starting to form on Izaya's shoulder, and he couldn't help but grimace when he noticed the cuts on the hands. Snapping his head in Shizuo's direction, he growled the next command. "Celty, restrain Shizuo!"

Celty stood stock still, not knowing how to react.

"Celty!" Shinra repeated, hoping she'd snap out of it. "Do what I said!"

"There's no need," Shizuo said weakly. "I... I'm leaving."

Shinra got up from where he'd knelt in front of Izaya, stomped towards Shizuo, grabbed the man by the front of his black t-shirt, and then slammed him hard into the wall.

Shizuo had to force himself not to react, not wanting to accidentally hurt Shinra, the unfamiliar closeness making him uncomfortable.

"What did I tell you?" Shinra whispered so softly that Shizuo barely hear him.

"To stay away from Izaya," Shizuo answered just as softly.

**"And did you listen to me?"** Shinra shouted this time around while tightly wrapping the fingers of his other hand around Shizuo's neck.

That's when Celty snapped out of her stupor and proceeded to pull Shinra away from Shizuo.

"Let me go! He needs to die, I'm going to kill him, **let me kill him!"** Shinra kept shouting while struggling to free himself from Celty's hold.

[Leave!] Celty typed on the PDA using her smoke before she showed it to Shizuo who simply nodded and rushed out of the apartment.

Shizuo never saw Izaya's disturbing smile as the man watched him leave.

"Why?! Why did you stop me?" Shinra whined once Shizuo was out of the apartment.

[I don't know what happened, but killing Shizuo is not the answer, no matter what he might've done to upset you.]

Shinra merely gave her a nasty glare as soon as he was released before he rushed to Izaya's side. "Izaya," he called the name softly as he raised the raven's head to look into the unfocused eyes of his now only friend. "Did he do anything to you?" he asked, dread starting to pool in his stomach at the prospect of Shizuo doing something to Izaya while they were alone. Celty had only told him that Shizuo was waiting for them inside right before they had entered, and Shinra was slightly panicking knowing that Izaya had been alone with that monster for who knew how long. "Izaya," he repeated, almost too afraid to know the answer, "did he do anything to you?" With Izaya being unresponsive, Shinra's eyes flew to Izaya's pants, and he breathed in relief when he figured that the blood came from the cuts on the hands alone. "I'm sorry Izaya, I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have left you alone," he said while gently squeezing one bloody hand.

"I'm okay," Izaya said out of nowhere, startling Shinra enough to jump back and release his hand. "I was just thinking."

"Thinking?! About what?!"

"It doesn't matter," Izaya answered before he forced a smile on his face, hoping that Shinra would stop freaking out. It was the first time Izaya had seen Shinra lose it like that, and it came as a bit of a shock. He remembered the destruction he'd caused to the man's living room, and he felt the need to apologize. "You took away my jacket, so I couldn't get to my switchblade. I'm sorry about the glass."

"Oh, I see. I put it on the hall-stand. I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter anymore, but some stronger painkillers would be nice."

"Right away!" Shinra said and rushed to the medicine cabinet.

"Shinra can't tell you anything even if you ask him, because I'm not giving him permission to do so," Izaya told Celty when he figured that she would drive the man crazy with questions after he'd be gone.

Celty nodded and proceeded to pick up the broken glass. A part of her wanted to go after Shizuo and offer her support, but after what happened, it was obvious that her friend had done something terrible enough to warrant such hatred from Shinra. She felt guilty about what had happened; she had been the one to force Shizuo into following her back to the apartment. She really was starting to dislike what was happening around her, because it felt like a part of her precious world had broken into pieces, and she hated to think that things would probably never be the same again.

Izaya watched her for a few moments before retreating into his own mind. For the first time since that nefarious encounter, he'd finally found the perfect way to destroy Shizuo once and for all, and his mind was in overdrive trying to come up with the details. He would make the beast cry tears of blood, of that he was certain.


	13. Before The Storm

**Chapter 13: Before The Storm**

.

By the time Shizuo was outside Shinra's apartment building, all color had drained from his face. Once again he ended up losing it, and if that wasn't proof enough that he was dangerous, he didn't know what was. Why was it always so easy to hurt Izaya, or anyone else for that matter? He had to be a monster, because no decent human being would've hurt someone who had been previously injured. Even if that hadn't been the case, the flea was still in no condition to fight, that frail body an obvious sign of how broken he was because of what had been done to him. Shizuo knew that he wasn't the smartest person around, but even he could tell that Izaya was suffering. _Of course he's suffering, you idiot, anyone would feel the same way if they had something similar done to them._ His friendship with the doctor was irremediably shattered, and after what happened, he had no doubts that Celty would keep her distance too. Even if Shinra were to still keep it secret, he was sure that she would most likely take Shinra's side even without knowing the truth.

Unfortunately, there was no way to go back and change things no matter how much he wished otherwise, so he shook his head and kept walking for a long time with no particular aim. When he came back to his senses, he realized with no little amount of surprise that he was standing in front of Kasuka's apartment. _Eh? How did I get here?_ He almost felt like laughing, because lately, each time he was having a hard time, he expected his little brother to fix everything. _Shouldn't it be the other way around?_ He knew that he shouldn't bother Kasuka with his problems, but he felt too depressed to be alone. He hated to admit, but he needed his brother to comfort him. He rang the doorbell a few times but he got no answer, which obviously meant that Kasuka was still at work. Shizuo was so exhausted that he didn't even have enough energy to keep standing, so he allowed his tired body to slide down the door he was leaning against until he was sitting on the floor. He must've dozed off at some point, because when he opened his eyes again Kasuka was on his knees in front of him with a slightly worried expression on his face.

"Nii-san, what happened?" Kasuka asked and took the bloody hand into his own.

"I ran into Izaya," Shizuo answered brokenly, the guilt at having hurt Izaya again almost smothering him.

Kasuka stiffened, his grip tightening to the point that it would've been painful for anyone else, but Shizuo showed no sign of discomfort. "You didn't, right?" Kasuka asked, hoping that Shizuo hadn't done something terrible to Izaya again.

"NO!" Shizuo rushed to answer. No matter what would happen from there on, he would never do something like that again, not when he preferred death over an increase in his suffocating guilt. It was already hard enough to get through the day knowing what he had done to the flea.

"I'm glad to hear that, nii-san," Kasuka sighed softly in relief, "and I'm sorry to have assumed that―"

"I understand. I did it once, who says I won't do it again?" Shizuo said while blankly staring ahead.

Kasuka lowered his head. "I'm sorry," he said, his tone nearly pleading. It was never his intention to hurt Shizuo, but he had to know the truth.

Shizuo laughed brokenly. "No, I'm sorry," he said, his eyes growing dark and his mind drifting off.

Kasuka knew that it was pointless to speak to Shizuo when he was like this, the tormented expression of the man's face a now too familiar sign that he was drowning in self-loathing, so instead he gently turned his arm around to assess the damage. It wasn't unusual for Shizuo to get injured, but Kasuka would be lying if he said that he'd gotten used to seeing him covered in blood. Such a sight always gave him this strange ache around his chest area that he couldn't stand. "You need stitches," he finally said and hoped that Shizuo would listen to him for once. "Get up, I'll take you to a hospital." He held his breath for a few seconds while waiting for an answer, and he was genuinely surprised when Shizuo nodded. He helped him get up and then pulled out his phone and called back the driver. He was still expecting a fight of some sorts, but when he didn't get any, he quietly led his brother to the car and then out of it and into the hospital once they arrived there.

"Hey, Kasuka, have you ever felt terrified of something or someone?" Shizuo asked while they were waiting to get called inside so that he would get his cut stitched up.

"Not really," Kasuka answered after a few moments of thinking, "at least not as far as I can remember."

"How about that time I picked up the fridge and wanted to hit you with it?" Shizuo asked, grimacing.

"No."

Shizuo looked at him in surprise. "I really was going to hit you. My bones breaking was the only thing that saved you."

"Perhaps that was your intention, but I don't think you would've gone through with it." Kasuka and ran a hand through Shizuo's hair. "You would never hurt me."

"Stop that," Shizuo hissed as he pulled away.

Kasuka looked at him blankly, his hand still in the air. "Why?"

"People will think that you're my girlfriend or something," Shizuo mumbled, his cheeks slightly flushed.

Kasuka pulled his hand away the next instant, a look of mortification upon his face. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally finding his voice. "But I'm your brother."

"Yeah, but they don't know that."

Kasuka narrowed his eyes. "Even so, why would I be the girlfriend?"

"You're too pretty," Shizuo muttered as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

"You yourself are good-looking, nii-san."

"Can we change the subject please?" Shizuo pleaded, cringing.

"It doesn't matter if you like guys, I still love you," Kasuka reassured him.

"I don't like guys!" Shizuo nearly growled.

Kasuka looked at him for a while but didn't say anything.

"I really don't!" Shizuo repeated in an almost pleading tone.

"Ok," was all that Kasuka said.

Shizuo shot him a nasty glare and opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a nurse who showed up right at that moment.

"Heiwajima Shizuo-san, please follow me."

"We'll finish this when I get back," he warned before he turned around and went after her.

Kasuka remained seated on the chair, trying not to think about his brother's sexual preferences, or anything that involved his brother and the word _sex_ in the same sentence, especially if it had anything to do with Izaya. It was already bad enough to have seen Izaya naked and bleeding, but to know that his brother had been the one to do such a thing to the Informant was that much worse. He could already feel a headache approaching, so he closed his eyes and tried to relax a bit before Shizuo would come back, because between filming and visiting Shizuo, he had little time left for himself. After that night when Shizuo got drunk, Kasuka made sure to visit him as often as he could, and now Shizuo had to run into Izaya and ruin all the progress that Kasuka worked so hard to achieve. Shizuo had been a mess ever since he unleashed all of his fury on Izaya, and there were days when Kasuka had doubts that his brother would even have the strength to get out of bed, but he kept pushing him and telling him that everything would be all right, until Shizuo eventually got back to his usual routine. Kasuka was certainly not happy with Shizuo's job, but Shizuo didn't want to stop working with Tom, so there wasn't much he could do to change his mind. He was so wrapped up in his thought that he either lost track of time or he ended up dozing off, because he was thinking about his brother's job one second, and in the next one, Shizuo was talking to him. It took a few moments for his brain to catch up, but when it did, he almost winced at Shizuo's words.

"―ot into guys, got it?"

Kasuka was too exhausted to argue, so all he did was blink and nod instead of giving an answer. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

"No, it's fine. They also took care of my other cut, so I'm all good now," Shizuo informed him as he extended his uninjured hand.

"What other cut?" Kasuka inquired as he stood up, eyes infinitesimally narrowing.

Shizuo smiled nervously. "Some guy nicked my skin with a knife, but I'm fine, don't worry about it."

"Nii-san! Quit that dangerous job already!"

"I'm sorry Kasuka... I... I can't. It keeps my mind off things, and I can blow some steam once in a while," Shizuo confessed and actually ended up wincing when he saw Kasuka's icy stare.

Kasuka turned around and started walking towards the exit, knowing there was nothing he could say that would've convinced Shizuo to quit his job. He wasn't giving up though, because he was certain that he could eventually get him to quit. He just needed time, that was all. He kept on walking, and once they were outside, they got into the car and Kasuka ordered the driver to take Shizuo home before dropping him at his own apartment. He really needed some sleep.

.

Izaya glared with animosity at the brown rice on his plate, then back at Shinra. "Why must you torture me so? If you insist on forcing me to eat, you might as well give me some fatty tuna."

Shinra glared back. "You can't eat too much at once after starving yourself for so long, and I know of your addiction to fatty tuna."

Izaya touched a bit of the rice with the tip of his tongue, and then dropped it back on the plate. "I can't eat this," he said, frowning.

"You haven't even tried it! You have to swallow it, you know?" Shinra sneered, a bit of exasperation seeping into his voice. "Start with this, and you can move to fatty tuna in a couple of days."

Izaya kept glaring at the plate as though he was hoping to incinerate it with the power of his mind. "This tastes disgusting."

Shinra sighed. "Even so, you still have to eat it."

Izaya pushed the plate away. "I'd rather not."

Shinra glared at him so hard that Izaya actually winced. "W-what? What's with that look?"

"Fine, don't eat it, but you'll have to stay here until you do."

"You can't keep me here!" Izaya shouted and banged the spoon against the table, immediately regretting it when pain flared up his stitched-up hand.

"Since you're taking on the role of a spoiled brat, I'll have to be the responsible adult and ground you to your room until you eat," Shinra declared as he leaned back against the chair. "Celty here will be your mommy, isn't that right darling?" he continued, giving Celty a heated gaze.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Izaya blurted out before he sprang to his feet and nearly ran to the bathroom.

[ Stop that! ]

Shinra's expression turned serious. "Don't worry, it's not because of us. He fears something."

[ And what may that be? ]

"Sorry, can't say."

Celty wanted to know more, but Izaya had prohibited Shinra to tell her anything, so she had no choice but to accept it. Her shoulders sagged. She hated to admit, but she was feeling rather depressed.

"What's wrong, Celty dear?"

[ I'd rather not say. ]

"Come on," Shinra said as he gently rubbed her shoulder. "You can tell me."

Celty hesitated for a few moments before she finally typed on her PDA. [ I'm worried about Shizuo. He was injured when he left. ]

"He'll live, unfortunately," Shinra said, his voice more spiteful that Celty had ever heard it.

[ How can you even say that?! ]

Shinra opened his mouth to say something, but instead he changed his mind and stood up. "I'll go check on Izaya," he stated before heading towards the bathroom. Celty had no idea about what really happened, so he couldn't blame her for worrying about Shizuo, but he knew very well what had transpired between Shizuo and Izaya, and he wished that he had been allowed to strangle the monster to death. Izaya was on a path to self-destruction because of what Shizuo had done to him, and Shinra hoped that he could save him before it was too late. Judging by the noises coming from behind the door, Izaya was dry heaving, which was certainly not something one should do when sporting a broken rib. "Hey, Izaya, be careful," he spoke loudly.

Izaya moaned in pain and opened the door a few moments later, Shinra immediately grabbing his arm and steadying him because it didn't look like the man would be able to walk by himself.

"H-hurts," Izaya whimpered, face contorted in pain.

Shinra sighed. "Of course it hurts, you're injured. You shouldn't be moving at all."

"I n-need more painkillers," Izaya nearly begged.

"I'm sorry but I can't give you more. I already gave you too many."

"Chest... h-hurts..." Izaya whined as Shinra helped him lie on the bed.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said before he rushed out of the bedroom, leaving Izaya to curl in on himself. He really hated to see his friend suffering, to be unable to do anything to help ease his pain. At least Izaya had changed out of the bloody clothes and into clean ones before dinner, and Shinra was grateful, because he would've really hated to do it himself when Izaya was in so much pain. After what he had been through, he had a feeling that the man wouldn't appreciate anyone taking his clothes off.

Inside the bedroom, Izaya clenched his teeth so hard that his jaw ached. He couldn't think clearly when all he could feel was agonizing pain with each breath he took, and that infuriated him to not end. In order for his revenge to come to fruition, he'd have to plan everything in detail, and he couldn't do it while he was writhing in agony. Shinra could've given him more painkillers, but the bastard refused to ease his torment. If only he could move, he would be able to get them himself, but as things were, all he could do was curl into a tight ball and wait for the pain to lessen. He had finally found a way to drag Shizuo on the chess board as a piece, and he wanted to put his plan into action as soon as possible. It wouldn't be easy, and it would take time, but if he played his cards right, he'd succeed in destroying both the beast's mind and soul. A twisted smile formed on his pained face and his eyes shone with malice. _Soon,_ he thought, holding onto the piece of paper with Slon's number which he had retrieved from the pocket of his borrowed pants, _soon the beast will know despair._

.

.

_**A/N:**__ I'll take this opportunity to inform you of a few things. For starters, this fic is at chapter 46 and still on-going, so that's why I can post a chapter ever 1-2 days on FF. Once I post all of them here, the updates won't be as fast. Anyway, if you really can't wait and you want read this fic faster than I post the chapters here, the link is in on profile. It's been there this whole time... xD_


	14. Slowly Chipping Away

**Chapter 14: Slowly Chipping Away**

.

Hours turned into days, days into weeks, but the guilt didn't lessen. Shizuo's mind was simply unable to cope with what he had done. What happened had also been Izaya's fault to some degree, but he shouldn't have risen to the bait and shown Izaya just what kind of monster he could be. The bastard was obviously not doing well, and even though the bruises on that pale body didn't really come as a surprise, the ribs and bones showing though the skin left him wondering just how hard it had to be for the flea to keep on living after such a traumatic experience. Anyone who knew Izaya even a tiny bit could tell you he loved to be in control, which meant that when said control had been brutally ripped away from him, it must've turned his carefully constructed world upside down. The flea was hurting badly, that mask of hatred unable to hide the pain Shizuo saw in those dark red orbs, that fear the man could never again be able to conceal while being in his presence. At least he didn't break him this time around. He could still clearly remember that night. It wasn't just the night when he broke Izaya to pieces, but it was also the night when Kasuka had learned just how sick he truly was. How could his brother even stand to look at him anymore, touch him so casually, freakin' be in the same room with him as opposed to running away screaming? Not that Kasuka would ever do something like that, but he couldn't really blame him if he did. Kasuka's words still echoed in his mind: _"No matter what you do, I'll always be on your side."_

Sighing, he opened the door to his apartment and lit up a cigarette as he sat down on the couch and closed his eyes to relax a bit after a hard day's work. God, how he'd missed smoking, but he hadn't been able to do it until after the run-in he had with Izaya. The burn mark he left on the flea's neck didn't look like it'd scar, and that somehow made him feel less guilty about doing it in the first place. It might've been better if he hadn't started smoking again, because going through two packs a day was neither healthy nor cheap, and the smell still made him feel a bit sick sometimes, but he saw it as yet another form of punishment he deserved for being a monster that could only break both things and people. Kasuka came to visit as often as he could, and while they didn't talk very much, it was comforting for Shizuo to know that he still had someone on his side. He'd ran into Celty a few times after the incident, but she never brought up the subject of Izaya, and because he didn't have much to say in general that didn't involve complaining or cursing the flea, it led to them not communicating with each other as much as they used to. Even when they did talk, it was only a few words about stuff that neither of them cared about, a habit ingrained by the courtesy they thought they needed to show each other.

There were some days when he could pretend that everything was normal, that what he'd done in that filthy alley never happened, that his friends didn't hate him and that his little brother didn't see him as something even lesser than before, but unfortunately, such days were rare. Kasuka would never admit it, but Shizuo knew that what happened bothered him to some extent. He would sometimes catch him stare with this strange expression of hurt, if it was hurt, because he could never really be sure what Kasuka was thinking. His little brother was the biggest enigma in the whole wide universe, even bigger than Izaya, and that said a lot. His jaw immediately tensed at the thought of Izaya, and he almost sneered at how easily he could end up drowning in self-loathing and self-pity, just like every other day when he came home from work. He stubbed the cigarette butt with a little more force than was necessary and got up, intending to get out of his clothes, take a shower and then perhaps watch some TV before eating.

He was about to press the handle to his room when he heard someone ring the doorbell once. He found that to be strange; he remembered Kasuka saying he couldn't visit him because he had an appointment. Sighing, he went to the door to see who it was, but when he opened it, he found no one there. He shrugged and moved to close it, thinking that it must've been a child's prank, but he stopped when he noticed the small box at his feet. Ok, so maybe it wasn't a child's prank after all. Perhaps it was the terrified delivery man from last time who thought that it would be a better idea to leave the package on the floor and run the hell away from there. Shizuo bent down and picked it up before he closed the door behind him and made his way to the couch. He sat down and proceeded to inspect the box, but he found nothing written on it, so he removed the wrapper and then opened the box, only to find a DVD inside. _What the―_

He heard his phone ring, so he reached into his pocket to fish it out. "Hello?"

"_Did you miss me, Shizu-chan~? You must have, it's been soooo long since we've last talked,"_ Izaya chirped in his usual annoying voice that Shizuo hadn't heard since before that fucked up night.

He was so stunned by the call that it was almost as though his brain had forgotten how to form words.

_"Shizu-chan?"_ Izaya repeated, and both Shizou's heart and fist clenched at the sound of that annoying nickname spoken in such a confident voice. It was almost nostalgic.

"Y-yeah, I'm here," was all he could say while trying to figure out why the flea would call him out of nowhere.

_"Did you get my present?"_

"Huh?"

_"The box, Shizu-chan, the box. Why must you be so dense?"_ Izaya said and sighed dramatically. _"Open the box and look inside. I sent you a present."_

"Flea, are you high or something?" Shizuo spoke softly, as though he was afraid that he'd spook Izaya away if he seemed too aggressive. He never would've thought that he'd miss their usual banter so much.

Izaya chuckled. _"I assure you that I am not high on anything. Anyway, try to pay attention, even though I know it's hard, with you being a protozoan and all that. Did you get the box, and if so, did you open it?"_

Shizuo scowled at the insult but what the hell, he might as well talk to Izaya and hopefully get a chance to properly apologize for the shit he'd done the last two times they ran into each other. Trying to choke someone to death was certainly not how someone should apologize. "I got it... what about it?"

Izaya chuckled again. _"Play it,"_ he said, his voice taking on a malicious edge.

Shizuo felt a chill run down his spine, the feeling that his world was about to get turned upside down almost making his knees weak. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling that whatever the hell the flea wanted to show him was not something he'd ever want to see. He got up and reluctantly walked over to the DVD Player where he inserted the disc.

_"Ah, you'd better sit down, Shizu-chan," _he heard Izaya say and he went to sit back on the couch as instructed, dreading whatever the bastard louse was about to show him.

At first there was just a black screen and some background noise, but the camera moved eventually and the louse's face came into view.

_**"Ne, Shizu-chan, do you think you could ever hate me as much as I hate you?"**_ Shizuo heard the Izaya in the video say, and his dread went up a notch. _**"I bet I can make you."**_

_Shit, shit, shit,_ whatever the bastard had planned was not good. "What the fuck is this?" he growled into the phone.

_"Shhh! Keep watching, you'll see soon enough."_

The view of the camera changed as Izaya started walking towards what looked like some sort of abandoned house, and this time around he could only hear the voice.

_**"Hmmm, perhaps I should've picked another place, you know, a dirtier place, just like that place, if you know what I mean," **_the voice said, followed by a string of disturbing chuckles.

"F-Flea... what―"

_"Stop sounding so lost, Shizu-chan, you're being boring. Don't tell me that you weren't expecting some sort of punishment for what you have done, because then I would be really disappointed in your protozoic brain. Well, it's not like I had high expectations to begin with, but still,"_ the Izaya on the phone said. _"I'm watching this too, so let's both enjoy it, ne?"_

The Izaya in the video went up some stairs before he opened a door and went into what looked like one hell of a dirty and dusty room. It was only for a fraction of a second, when the camera's angle changed to show the flea's face, but Shizuo could almost swear that he saw something or someone on the floor.

_**"I don't know if you've been counting the days, but I have, and guess what, Shizu-chan? It's been exactly seventy-two days since you dragged me into that alley and played oh so gently with me,"**_ he said mockingly.

Shizuo heard a low pained moan and his blood froze, something about the voice sounding eerily familiar.

_**"Ah, he's awake, one second," **_Izaya said and turned the camera to reveal someone lying face-down on the floor with his hands cuffed behind his back and his face obscured by brown hair.

Shizuo felt something inside him break, immediately recognizing the person in the video as being none other than his little brother Kasuka. _Oh god, please no, anything but Kasuka._ "No..." he said weakly into the phone, his only response being a malicious laugh. "A...any-thing but Kasuka..." he continued brokenly, his voice trembling in such a way that it was almost unrecognizable even to his own ears.

The Izaya on the phone ignored him, but the one in the video kept prancing around Kasuka's helpless form as though he was some sort of predator sizing up its prey.

_**"Kasuka-kun, wake up already,"**_ said the Izaya in the video, and Kasuka seemed to slowly come back to his senses, not looking as surprised at he should've been considering he was on the ground, his hands cuffed behind his back and his brother's enemy staring down at him.

"Oh god, don―"

_"Don't what, Shizu-chan? Don't hurt Kasuka? I'm seriously baffled at how obtuse you can be. Even you should be able to tell that whatever happened in this video can no longer be changed. You'd think the time-stamp would stand out..."_ Izaya said, and Shizuo could almost see the son of a bitch roll his eyes.

His own eyes fell on the time-stamp, and for a few suffocating moments, he simply could not breathe anymore. Three hours... that was how much time had passed between whatever atrocity Izaya had committed and the time Shizuo had received the DVD. He felt the room starting to spin around him, his heart hammering so loudly and painfully inside his ribcage that he couldn't hear any of the words being spoken to him, nor the discussion taking place in the video. _Nonononono! NOT Kasuka! Why take it out on him when I would gladly let you break me instead? _A thousand thoughts went through his head, all revolving around his brother, and by the time he came back to his senses, it seemed like Kasuka was speaking to Izaya. _Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop being so goddam loud!_ he ordered his heart, fingers tightly clenched in the material of his shirt.

_**"―ted this,"**_ he heard Kasuka say in his usual flat tone.

_**"Yes, you really should have expected this Kasu-chan. How naive can you be?"**_ said Izaya before he burst into laughter. _**"I, however, expected better from you."**_

Kasuka got up with a bit of effort, but it didn't seem like it mattered to Izaya because the bastard kept filming with no care in the world.

_**"So what do you want?"**_ Kasuka asked as he leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving Izaya's form.

Both Izayas chuckled at the same time, and Shizuo's body shook as a shiver ran down his spine at the ominous sound. There was this nagging voice in the back of his mind screaming about where this was going, but he refused to acknowledge it. _The flea would never..."_You wouldn't," he nearly choked as the words left his lips. "You could never..." he continued, his voice a desperate plea.

The Izaya on the phone giggled but otherwise stayed quiet, the one in the video speaking instead.

_**"World peace? No, not really, just kidding; that'd be sooo bo~oring! But anyway, you already know what I want. Come on Kasu-chan, you can't possibly be as dense as your brother. Please don't disappoint me!"**_

Kasuka stared blankly at the camera, or at Izaya, or both. _**"You seek revenge on my brother."**_

_**"See? It wasn't that hard to guess."**_

_**"Do you plan to kill me?"**_ Kasuka asked and cautiously moved to check out the window.

_**"Of course I won't kill you,"**_ Izaya giggled,_**"that, too, would be boring. No, no, what I'm going to do is so much worse."**_

Kasuka spared him an uninterested glance before looking outside again. _**"You're welcome to try."**_

Shizuo waited with his breath caught in his throat to see what Izaya would say next, but nothing happened, and when he heard the voice on the phone instead of the one in the video he almost dropped it in surprise.

_"Your brother really is one of a kind. Most people would've panicked, but he didn't. He's just as monstrous as you are, the only difference being that he is on the opposite side of the spectrum."_

"Fuck you!" Shizuo growled into the phone.

Izaya yawned, as though the whole thing was boring him to tears. _"You already have, Shizu-chan, and let me tell you something, __**you really sucked at it.**__"_

Shizuo flinched at the remark, but he was too fucking upset to give a shit about what he had done to the flea when Kasuka's life was at stake. "What did you do to my brother?"

_"Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! You should really learn the meaning of the word_ _patience__."_

"Stop screwing around!" Shizuo shouted into the phone, his fingers clenched so tightly around it that he could almost hear the plastic crack under the strain.

_"Have you ever heard the saying 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth?'"_

"What―"

_"Your ignorance doesn't seem to know any boundaries,"_ Izaya said and sighed loudly into the phone. _"It's a saying. What it means is that a person who has injured another person is penalized by receiving the injury inflicted on the victim."_

Shizuo's hand further tightened around the phone, a piece of plastic falling at his feet. It was a miracle that it was still working. "What... what does that have to do with Kasuka? If I understood you correctly, I should be the one in that room, not Kasuka."

Izaya giggled. _"Ah, but Shizu-chan, that'd be too predictable. Why 'an eye for an eye,' when a 'sibling's eye for an eye' sounds so much better?"_ he said, his tone more twisted and malicious than Shizuo had ever heard it before.

A whine got past the lump in Shizuo's throat, the next words leaving his mouth sounding just as broken as he was. "You... you... you didn't, you wouldn't... please tell me you didn't!" he pleaded.

_"You're right, Shizu-chan, you know me too well. I'm not sure I like that,"_ he said thoughtfully. _"I'm not you after all, I really couldn't do it, but... __**he could,"**_Izaya said, Shizuo's blood freezing in his veins when he heard a third voice coming from the recording on the video.

_**"Good, I see you already brought him here," **_the other man said, and Shizuo dropped the phone, the horror of what they were about to do, of what they had most likely done, finally dawning on him.

_NonononoNONONONO!_


	15. Annihilation

**Chapter 15: Annihilation**

.

He wanted nothing more than to look away, but at the same time he couldn't take his eyes off the screen. That was his little brother there, trapped like an animal between two monsters, and there was nothing he could do about it.

**_"I told you I would," _**said the Izaya in the video.

**_"Hello, Yuuhei, it's a pleasure to meet you,"_** the other man said before turning to Izaya. **_"Why are you filming this?"_**

Izaya snickered. **_"Insurance. As long as we have this, he'll keep quiet, unless he wants everyone to see what we're about to do."_**

_**"Good idea. Anyway, where were we? Oh, right, it's nice to meet you, Hanejima Yuuhei, I'm Slon," **_he said as he sauntered towards Kasuka.

Shizuo's eyes filled with horror, and he couldn't help but whimper. He picked up the phone and put it back to his ear.

_"Shizu-chan? Did you pass out or something?"_ Izaya asked, but Shizuo couldn't find his voice when the man in the video was getting closer and closer to his little brother.

There were a lot of things he expected to see, but Kasuka somehow slipping one hand out of the cuffs and smacking the guy in the face with the metal was not one of them. For a fraction of a second, when Kasuka made a dash towards the door, Shizuo believed that he'd make it, but the guy grabbed his jacket and pulled him backwards. Kasuka almost tripped and fell, but he was caught by the arm and thrown into the wall opposite to the door.

_"I can hear you breathing, Shizu-chan, so I guess it's safe to assume that you're still there. Anyway, I can't believe he didn't cry out at that. He really is just as monstrous as you are."_

Shizuo couldn't answer though, not when Kasuka was being picked up and pinned between the wall and that monster of a man who looked like he could break him with almost no effort at all. He was big... too big, a foreigner looking like a professional wrestler, and it was pretty safe to assume that Kasuka would never be able to fight him off.

_**"I suggest you don't do that again, unless you want me to teach you the meaning of the word **__**pain**__**," **_Slon said, and Shizuo felt his stomach churn when he saw brief disgust cross Kasuka's face as the man shoved a knee between his legs.

With his arms pinned above his head, and that bastard squashing him between the wall and his body, there wasn't anything that Kasuka could do when the man grabbed his jaw and crushed their lips together.

"Stop it!" Shizuo cried out.

_"I already told you, this is all in the past, and there's nothing you can do to change it,"_ Izaya said, snickering at the pain and desperation he could hear in Shizuo's voice.

"Please..." Shizuo continued weakly. _Please don't make me watch this anymore, please tell me it's not true!_

Kasuka couldn't even budge an inch, and when Slon finally pulled away, he was gasping for air. He turned brown eyes towards Izaya, and Shizuo could swear that he saw hurt in them. **_"Why?" _**Kasuka asked, his eyes fixed on the man filming the assault.

**_"Because he cares about you more than he cares about himself," _**Izaya told him as he zoomed in on Kasuka's face.

**_"What are you talking about?" _**Slon asked just before he punched his victim in the stomach so hard that Kasuka ended up falling to the ground in a heap the second he was released.

**_"It doesn't matter, just do your thing,"_** Izaya brushed off the question. **_"Ah, but before you start, I'd like to know how Kasu-chan got out of those cuffs."_**

_**"Who?"**_

Izaya sighed. _**"Yuuhei."**_

**_"I doubt he's going to tell us,"_**Slon said and bent down to grab Kasuka by the hair, only to get kicked in the face by a heavy boot.

Kasuka pushed himself off the ground and tried to make another run for the door, but Slon caught his ankle and pulled him backwards, a heavy fist descending on his lower back and crushing him into the floor beneath.

Shizuo felt tears running down his face, the sight of Kasuka trying to curl in on himself because of the pain crushing his heart in a vice-grip.

_**"You little shit,"**_ Slon growled and punched Kasuka in the face so hard that the smaller man's lip split open under the pressure.

Shizuo actually cried out at that, the horror of it all hitting him even harder than before.

_"It's all right to cry, Shizu-chan, it's a natural response to pain. Even beasts cry, ne?"_

"M-monster," Shizuo said in a trembling voice.

_"In order to fight a monster, I had to turn into one myself. You, of all people, have no right to judge me," _Izaya said, his voice laced with disgust.

"Bast―" Shizuo started, but he ended up choking on the words when he saw Slon lower the zipper of his pants.

_**"I was going to use lube, but now I won't because you broke my nose,"**_Slon said as he rolled Kasuka on his stomach, pinning him down by the nape.

Kasuka tried to use his hands to pry away the man's fingers, but Slon grabbed the still cuffed wrist and twisted it until it broke with a sickening crunch. For the first time since it all began, Kasuka cried out in pain.

Shizuo didn't remember getting up, or moving, but when he came back to his senses, he was clawing at the screen, his whole body trembling in pain and rage. He gripped the phone tighter, his breath coming out ragged. "He saved you," he said, "and you... **this** is how you repay him?"

_"My hatred for you outweighs the gratitude I feel towards him."_

"I'm going to fucking kill you for this!" Shizuo shouted into the phone, his eyes burning with hatred.

_"No, you won't, Shizu-chan, unless you want the whole world to see the video of your brother getting sodomized."_

Slon started working on unbuckling Kasuka's belt, but not before punching him a few more times for good measure.

**"I'll fucking KILL you!"** Shizuo growled.

_"Shouldn't you be apologizing instead of threatening me, hmm?"_

"Fucking kill you..." Shizuo repeated, his vision blurred by tears as he watched Slon stroke himself to hardness before settling himself between Kasuka's legs.

Kasuka was too weak to fight back at this point, his left hand trembling as he kept trying to pull Slon's fingers away from his neck.

The Izaya in the video was eerily quiet, but the one on the phone couldn't stop chuckling. _"Doesn't Slon remind you of someone?"_

"What...?"

_"You, Shizu-chan, you're Slon."_

Shizuo felt the room starting to spin around him, Izaya's words a sharp, hot knife cutting into his flesh with a viciousness that shook him to the core. Suddenly, he wasn't seeing Slon there anymore, the man's face having been replaced by his own. Slon wasn't the one holding his little brother down, he was, and when the man positioned himself at Kasuka's entrance, Shizuo screamed and tightly shut his eyes, quivering fingers pulling at his own hair in despair. He could not watch, could not bare to see Kasuka's face as his insides were ripped to shreds, nor the pain and betrayal he'd certainly see in those terrified brown eyes. He expected to hear screams, cries, anything, but instead it was quiet. Too quiet. Panic-stricken, he snapped his head back to the screen, thinking that Slon had somehow killed Kasuka, but there was nothing there, the blackness of it tearing his sanity apart.

_"Sorry, Shizu-chan, _ _but that's all you get to see."_

"W-why?" Shizuo asked, his teeth chattering so hard that even Izaya could hear the sound through the phone.

_"Believe it or not, I like Kasuka-kun, and as much as I hate you, I won't humiliate him more than I already have by showing you his degradation."_

Shizuo broke into sobbing.

_"That's good, Shizu-chan, let it all out. Even I cried, but you already know that."_

"He... w-was... inno-cent!" Shizuo managed to say between heartwrenching sobs, once again tugging at his blond locks in despair, the memory of his little brother running his fingers gently through them making him cry even harder.

_"No one is innocent."_

"He... he didn't de-serve t-this!"

_"And I did?"_ Izaya asked in a flat tone.

Shizuo swung his fist so hard that the TV flew into the wall behind. _No flea, you didn't deserve it either_. He couldn't say it out loud though, not when the man he broke with his own hands had done the same thing to the only person that Shizuo cared about more than anything and anyone in the world.

_"I see,"_ Izaya said, his voice carrying some bitterness to it. _"You're a hypocrite, Shizu-chan, and a monster, but a monster with feelings, and that was your downfall. I've been trying to find a way to get back at you ever since that night, but it wasn't until you said that I was the cause of you disappointing your brother that I knew what I had to do in order to break you. You're a pathetic excuse for a monster, because you shouldn't have feelings, but you do, and you served me innocent Kasu-chan on a silver platter during our last meeting. You should always think before you speak."_

Shizuo couldn't get his brain to form words anymore, the guilt he already felt increasing exponentially with each passing moment.

_"Ah, but don't worry, Shizu-chan, I'm not a monster like you. I didn't just leave him there in a pool of his own blood. Someone is going to bring Kasuka to your place soon, so wait there if you want to see your brother. And don't call Shinra either, because I already had a doctor take a look at him. It's better to get patched up by a stranger than by someone you know. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience. I didn't want to leave him torn like that, it's really painful you know, but at least he didn't get stabbed in the leg. That makes things sooo much worse! Oh, I think they're there," _Izaya said just as Shizuo heard the doorbell.

It took Shizuo a few tries to get to his feet, his knees so weak that he had to grab onto different pieces of furniture just to keep standing as he walked on unsteady legs. He paused for a second when he reached the doorknob before he pressed it with a trembling hand, and he felt his entire being break into its most basic elements when he was met with the sight of an unconscious Kasuka being held by Celty.

_"He passed out from the pain," _Izaya said just before Shizuo dropped the phone and pulled Kasuka into his arms.

Shizuo thought he saw Celty write something on her PDA, but he couldn't be sure, not when his blurred by tears eyes were glued to Kasuka's limp form. He picked him up in his arms and closed the door behind him, managing to take exactly two steps before dropping to his knees and desperately clinging to Kasuka's broken body. He didn't even hear the doorbell as it kept ringing for a while, deaf and blind to everything around him. He wept like a child, cradling his little brother to his chest and whispering apologies in a broken voice. The bruises on Kasuka's face and neck were already turning purple, and Shizuo only dared to raise the black t-shirt a few inches before pulling it back and weeping even harder, the once flawless pale skin now painted black and purple. He noticed that Kasuka was wearing the same type of clothes Izaya wore that night, and the image of Kasuka looking so much like Izaya annihilated the remainder of his soul. _Izaya, you're the cruelest being in existence,_ he thought as he buried Kasuka's head in the crook of his neck and gently ran his hand through the brown locks. _You win._


	16. A Walk On The Darkside

**Chapter 16: A Walk On The Dark Side**

.

Shinra was quietly sipping on a cup of coffee and reading the Dollars chat when a frantic Celty burst through the door. He could tell from her posture alone that she was panicking about something. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, but he couldn't understand her answer because she was typing too fast and showing him the PDA for less then a second before pulling it back it and starting all over again. "Celty!" he shouted her name when he couldn't get her attention, and then grabbed her wrist and held onto it tightly. "Look at me!"

Celty stiffened before letting herself drop to her knees in front of him. [ I'm sorry... ]

Shinra squeezed her shoulder gently. "Now tell me what's wrong."

[ It's about Shizuo! ]

Shinra's grip on her shoulder unconsciously tightened. "I already told you, I don't care what happens to him," he hissed and removed his hand when he realized that he was holding onto her shoulder too tightly. Not that he could hurt her, but still, it wasn't right. "Sorry, I didn't mean to take it out on you."

[ Shizuo was crying! ]

Shinra's eyes widened in surprise. _Ok, that was unexpected.__He _couldn't remember ever seeing Shizuo cry.

[ It's Izaya! He did something! ]

_So Izaya has started taking his revenge,_ he thought with a bit of satisfaction, and he couldn't help but wonder what could Izaya have possibly done to make Shizuo cry. Celty was upset over it though, and he hated that he couldn't tell her why he crossed Shizuo off the list of people he somewhat cared about. "Have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps Shizuo deserves whatever it is that Izaya did to him?" Shinra asked as he folded his arms in front of his chest. "Shizuo is a bastard."

[ Izaya did something to Kasuka! ]

Shinra narrowed his eyes. "What did he do?"

[ Earlier he called me and told me that he had a job for me, so I went to his apartment. When I got there, he said that all I had to do was to deliver a package, and then he led me inside and pointed to Kasuka's unconscious form. ]

Shinra felt a shiver run down his spine, the thought of Izaya doing something to Kasuka making him nervous. Shinra didn't care about humans in general, but he had a soft spot for Izaya, Shizuo and Kasuka. He used to run into Kasuka quite lot when they were children, so he ended up caring ― in his own twisted way ― about that apparently emotionless human being. He almost didn't want to know what Izaya had done to him, but Celty's PDA was shoved in his face again, and he had no choice but to read the text there.

[ Kasuka was hurt so badly! He was covered in bruises and his right wrist was broken! ]

Shinra's expression turned grim. Izaya's right wrist had also been broken that day.

Celty continued when she saw that Shinra wasn't saying anything. [ And he was wearing Izaya's clothes! ]

Shinra grit his teeth. _This doesn't sound good..._

[ I asked Izaya what was going on, but he refused to tell me, and then he asked me once again to take Kasuka to Shizuo's apartment. ]

"How did Izaya look like?" Shinra asked, his whole body tensing, fingers digging into his own arms.

[ Who cares about that freak? ]

"I do!"

[ He's a monster! ]

"Just answer my question!"

Celty tightened her hold on the PDA as she typed. [ He looked pale. ]

Shinra got up. "I'm going to see Izaya."

[ Shizuo and Kasuka are the ones who need help, not Izaya! Please come with me to Shizuo's place! ]

Shinra glared at Celty, really hating the thought of seeing Shizuo again, but knowing that he had to do it if he wanted to check on Kasuka. "It's better if I talk to Izaya first," he said and moved to grab a small first aid kit he kept on hand for emergencies.

Celty followed after him, smoke seeping from underneath her helmet, a clear indication that she was furious. [ What about Kasuka? ]

"First Izaya, then Kasuka," Shinra said, and Celty followed him out the door.

.

Izaya was in the middle of pouring himself another glass of sake when he heard the doorbell ring. He raised tired eyes in the direction of the door, accidentally spilling some of it on the glass table. He chuckled at the mishap, set the bottle down and took the glass with a shaky hand, completely ignoring whoever was at the door.

_"Izaya, open up!"_ he heard Shinra shout from behind the door.

He stared blankly ahead for a while before he raised the glass to his lips and drank the sake in one go.

_"Open the damn door!"_

Izaya cringed, the ringing and the banging grating on his already fried and crushed to fine dust nerves. He took the bottle and poured himself some more sake, and then giggled when Shinra banged on the door hard enough to hurt himself, the string of curses following that last bang a clear indication of what had just happened. _What an idiot,_ he thought as he drank some more of that expensive sake. He always had a couple of bottles of alcohol lying around the house in case he needed to celebrate a well done job with a satisfied client. He didn't usually drink, because he liked to have a clear mind, but at that moment, all he wanted to do was to forget, the events of the day bringing back horrible memories he didn't want to remember.

"What the hell Izaya?" Shinra shouted all of a sudden from inside the apartment, startling Izaya hard enough to almost make him lose his grip on the glass.

"Did you just break into my apartment?" Izaya asked, amusement clear in his voice.

Shinra stomped towards the corner couch and took a seat far away from Izaya so that he could better observe the man. "To answer your question, Celty opened the door for me."

Izaya's eyes turned in the direction of the door. "I had no idea that she could use her smoke like that."

"I told her to wait for me downstairs," Shinra continue as he put down the first aid kit. "You don't look hurt," he said matter-of-factly.

Izaya jumped straight to the subject. "Why are you here?" he asked with a frown on his face.

Shinra shifted nervously for a while.

"Well?"

Shinra sighed. "What did you do?"

Izaya chuckled darkly and drank some more sake before finally answering. "I've done some really bad things."

"Izaya..."

"You've known Shizu-chan for far longer than I have," he stated, red eyes fixed on Shinra's tensed form, "so tell me, have you ever seen him cry?"

"No, never, not even when he was in a lot of pain because of his broken bones."

"That means that I'm the only one who succeeded in making Shizu-chan cry~" Izaya sang before pouring himself another glass of sake. "I feel special!"

"You're special all right..." Shinra muttered, frowning.

Izaya giggled. "You were insulting me just now, weren't you?"

"I would never," Shinra tried to defend himself with a fake smile on his face, his eyes taking in every detail of Izaya's hunched form. Something about him was off, the sagged shoulders and haunted eyes a sign that whatever Izaya had done was not something he enjoyed doing. The man obviously didn't want to talk about it, and Shinra didn't know how to go about it in order to make him talk. Perhaps he could talk about something else, and then go back to it once Izaya relaxed a bit. It was worth a try. "You look better," he said.

Izaya giggled. "Yeah... well, I can eat now, no thanks to you. That brown rice was truly horrible!"

"Will you ever stop mentioning that rice? It wasn't that bad!" the doctor snapped, and his cheeks slightly flushed in embarrassment.

Izaya raised his head and looked him straight in the eyes. "Shinra, listen to me."

"Huh? Ok, I'm listening."

"Your cooking is terrible!" Izaya said and burst into laughter. "I'd rather starve to death! Well, I was starving to death that time, and I still couldn't eat it."

"Now you're just being a dick," Shinra mumbled as he glared at the obviously drunk man.

"It's ok though, I'm eating now, so don't worry about it anymore," said Izaya while staring at the glass in his hand as though the sake inside held all the secrets of the universe.

"You don't look like a walking corpse anymore, so I'm not worried about it. I can't however say the same thing about your mental state. Something is wrong with you, and it has something to do with Kasuka and Shizuo."

Izaya threw Shinra a glare before he went back to staring at the alcohol. "I see your monstrous girlfriend has already informed you."

"She's worried about them..."

"Kasuka will live," Izaya said softly, his voice trembling a bit.

"Please, just tell me what you did!"

Izaya chuckled darkly. "It's a long story."

"Start with the beginning," Shinra suggested.

Izaya looked him in the eyes for a while without saying a word.

"Please..."

Izaya smiled. "All right, if you insist!"

Shinra smiled back, wanting to reassure his friend.

"Do you remember that day when Shizu-chan showed up at your apartment?"

Shinra nodded.

"Well, that day the Awakusu-Kai paid me a visit and asked me to find some spies, like I was some pathetic human being they could order around! Ahh ha ha ha!"

"Oh, so that's how you got the broken rib."

"Yeah, I pretty much told them to go fuck themselves, and let me tell you, they didn't seem too happy about it!"

"Of course, they aren't people you should mess with. The one who hurt you wasn't Shiki though, right?" he asked, hoping that the man he trusted with the key to his apartment wouldn't do something so low as to hit an injured person.

"It was Aozaki."

"Oh, ok, good."

Izaya shot him a nasty glare.

"What I meant to say was that I'm glad it wasn't Shiki, that's all!" Shinra said, hands raised in a placating gesture.

Izaya sighed and drank some more sake. "Right... anyway, they left me Slon's number, so after the little run-in I had with Shizu-chan, I decided to use the Russian assassin to take my revenge on him. Ah, Shizu-chan made me so angry that day, daring to apologize to me like that would make everything better..."

Shinra was starting to get worried. It was a bad idea to deal with assassins in general, especially the Russian ones, and it made no sense that Kasuka got beat up instead of Shizuo ending up with a bullet through his head. "What does this have to do with Kasuka?" he finally asked.

Izaya giggled. "Patience, my dear Shinra, patience. Do you know the saying 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth'?

"Of course," Shinra answered. "Everyone knows it."

"Shizu-chan didn't know it! Stupid protozoan!"

"Shizuo didn't kill you, so what's with the assassin?"

"I didn't take the Awakusu-Kai's job in order to get Slon to kill Shizuo, that would've been too easy! I wanted Shizu-chan to cry tears of blood, so I used Slon to hurt Kasuka," Izaya said and laughed brokenly. "It wasn't easy though, but I knew that once Slon got obsessed over something, he couldn't go on living without finding the answer, or without trying that something out."

"Don't tell me you―"

"So one day I asked him if he'd like to fuck Hanejima Yuuhei," Izaya said and burst into laughter.

"Iza―"

"That brute was sooo against it in the beginning, but the more we talked about it, the more he wanted to do it, and soon enough it got to the point where he couldn't go on living if he didn't find out how it would feel to screw Hanejima Yuuhei. He told me so! It only took a bit over a month to play him into doing it, but it was totally worth it, even though I had to work for the Awakusu-Kai during that time."

Shinra paled at the implication and sprang to his feet, his body overwhelmed by the need to punch Izaya in the face. He only managed to take one step before he froze in his tracks, a gun now pointed straight towards his chest.

"This is close enough," Izaya said, frowning. "I'd really hate to shoot my only friend."

_When did he even pull that gun out,_ Shinra thought, horrified. _Better yet, from where did he even get the gun?_

_._

_._

_**A/N:**__durr__: If you really wanted to know (but the story wouldthen get spoiled for you), I'd tell you through a PM, but you don't have an account here so..._


	17. You've Seen The Butcher

**Chapter 17: You've Seen The Butcher**

.

Izaya motioned towards the couch. "Sit down."

"From where did you get the gun?" Shinra asked, trying to sound indifferent even though he was seriously worried for his safety.

Izaya only smiled bitterly.

"Please put it down before you end up hurting someone, yourself included," Shinra tried again.

**"Sit down,"** Izaya repeated, his voice leaving no room for argument. He waited until Shinra sat back down on the couch before allowing himself to relax. "I thought you wanted to hear the whole story," he said, amusement clear in his voice, "so stay there until I finish. You don't get to change your mind in the middle of it."

"You know what, Izaya? **Go screw yourself!**" Shinra hissed.

"Oh? Why are **you** so mad? Weren't you supposed to not give a damn about humans, hmm? So what if I broke Kasuka? How is that any of your concern?" he asked and chuckled, drinking some more sake directly from the bottle while he waited for Shinra to complain some more.

Shinra grit his teeth but kept his mouth shut, not wanting to provoke Izaya into shooting him. Regular Izaya was bad enough, drunk Izaya with a gun in hand was a freakin' menace._ Izaya, what the hell happened to you?_

"Fine, don't answer my question... as I was saying, Slon got obsessed over Kasuka, so I offered to deliver Hanejima Yuuhei to him," he said, red eyes staring at Shinra's tense form. He giggled, finding the glare shot his way to be highly amusing. "You want to hurt me, don't you? I can see it in your eyes."

"Yes, because you 'thanked' Kasuka for saving your life by―"

"And I'm grateful for that."

"That's not how you thank someone!" Shinra spat out the words, angry at the man for being such an ungrateful little shit.

Izaya's voice dripped venom as he spoke. "You're irritating me with your self-righteousness. It's easy for you to judge when you weren't the one who got screwed by that beast."

"That may be true, and I can only imagine how hard it must've been for you, but I can sympathize. That still doesn't give you the right to hurt an innocent person," Shinra said and shook his head in a gesture of disapproval.

Izaya stared blankly at the doctor for a long time. "Take off your clothes," he finally said in a flat tone.

"... w-what?" Shinra stuttered, completely dumbfounded.

"Take off your clothes!"

Shinra continued to stare at him, his mind unable to properly process such a ludicrous command. "Iza―"

**"TAKE YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES OFF! NOW!"** Izaya snapped and jumped to his feet, gun pointed towards the man's head.

Shinra instinctively bucked into the corner of the couch, Izaya's crazed expression scaring the living daylights out of him. "Izaya, please calm down," he spoke softly, voice trembling with fear. Drunk Izaya was not only dangerous, but also insane.

**"I'm not going to fucking calm down! Take your goddam clothes off! NOW!"** Izaya commanded.

Shinra could only stare with wide, terrified eyes as Izaya stomped towards him, each step making his heart beat that much faster. "**STOP!"** he screamed and closed his eyes just as Izaya extended a hand towards him, the gentle touch on his face startling him just as badly as Izaya's seemingly violent behavior.

"I'm sorry..." Izaya said as he cupped Shinra's cheek, his voice filled with regret. "I only wanted you to understand. I would **never** hurt you."

Shinra opened his eyes and blinked a few times before punching Izaya square in the face, the man staggering backwards from the unexpected hit. **"FUCK YOU!"** he hissed, seething, before he jumped to his feet and grabbed Izaya by his V-Neck shirt with his right hand while snatching the gun with the other. **"I'll never forgive you for this!"** he growled, his whole body shaking in rage, Izaya's unacceptable behavior pissing him off so much that he ended up punching the man a few more times before finally feeling satisfied enough to back away. He watched as Izaya wiped some of the blood pouring from his nose, and that's when he noticed a pretty large blood stain on the right side of the black t-shirt. _It's none of your business! Turn around and leave! This ungrateful bastard doesn't deserve your concern. Tell him to go to hell,_ he kept telling himself, yet the words that came out of his mouth were, "are you injured?"

Izaya sighed and wiped some more of the blood that was pouring out of his broken nose. _I totally deserved it,_ he thought, hoping that he hadn't just irreparably ruined his friendship with Shinra. He averted his gaze, muttering a "what if I am?" _Two stupid mistakes in one day, way to go Izaya!_

Shinra's eye twitched in annoyance, the urge to punch Izaya a few more times suddenly coming back. Instead, he sighed and placed the gun on the table before grabbing Izaya's arm with more force than necessary and dragging him to the couch where he forced him to sit down. "You're the biggest asshole I've ever met!"

"I know."

"But I'm not about to let you die before you properly apologize for the shit you've pulled today!"

Izaya laughed awkwardly.

"What you did is unforgivable."

"I know that too."

Izaya looked so miserable that Shinra could hardly believe he was the same person who moments before seemed so hell-bent on hurting him, the malice and viciousness gone and replaced by guilt and sorrow. He wanted to hate Izaya, he wanted to punch the man one last time before turning around and walking out of the apartment with a promise to never come back, but he couldn't do it. "For a second I really thought you were going to..." he trailed off, still a bit shaken up about the whole thing.

"I'm sorry."

_Sorry won't cut it, you fucking bastard,_ he wanted to say, but he ended up gasping in shock when he saw the bloody bandages covering the man's torso. "What the hell happened to you?"

Izaya frowned, seemingly looking into space before speaking in an emotionless voice. "Ah... I miscalculated."

"Miscalculated what?" Shinra inquired and proceeded to take off the bandages to see the wound better.

"Myself."

Shinra stopped what he was doing, fingers frozen on the bloodied material as he looked into those pained eyes which reflected so well the damaged soul behind them. _Why are you so tormented Izaya?_

"Kasuka is too nice."

Shinra nodded.

"He ditched his bodyguards and followed me when I told him that I had something to talk to him about in private."

Shinra grimaced. "He doesn't know you like I do."

"Yet here you are, taking such good care of me after I threatened you with a gun and asked you to take your clothes off," Izaya reminded him, and before he even had a chance to react, Shinra's fingers tightly wrapped around his neck.

**"Don't push it,"** the doctor snarled and kept squeezing that neck for a while longer until he finally reigned in his rage and released the hold he had on his asshole of a friend. "I really hate you!" he hissed and brusquely pulled away the bandages.

"The gun wasn't loaded," Izaya informed him matter-of-factly.

Shinra glared at him. "That's no excuse for what you've just done to me!"

Izaya put a hand on Shinra's shoulder and nodded.

Shinra smacked away the hand. "Don't touch me!"

If looks could kill, Izaya knew that he would've been obliterated by Shinra's icy glare the moment he made the mistake of touching him. Even his drunken messed up brain could tell he had crossed a line in their friendship that he shouldn't have crossed, and that things would most likely never be the same again. The fact that Shinra was still there was a miracle in itself. _I only wanted you to understand me, to stop judging me so harshly because there's no one else besides you. If not even you can understand me then―_

"Is this a gunshot wound...?" Shinra asked, head tilted and a look of surprise on his face.

"Mhmm, but as you can see, the bullet only grazed me."

"How―"

"Ah, I haven't finished my story. I'll continue, if you don't mind."

Shinra shrugged before proceeding to disinfect the wound.

"I knocked out Kasuka using a shot of M99, and after that someone helped me move him to a secluded area. At that point I turned on the camera and started filming the whole thing so that Shizu-chan could watch it afterwards."

Shinra tensed. _You sadistic bastard._

"Kasuka didn't seem that surprised when he woke up, and he kept his cool even after Slon had him restrained. That time with Shizu-chan... in the alley... I panicked, you know?" he confessed, as much as it pained him to do so. "Kasuka on the other hand didn't beg, didn't even say a word."

Shinra felt his stomach churn.

"I just couldn't believe it!" Izaya exclaimed in awe. "He truly is a magnificent beast... and yet, as I was looking at him, all I could see was myself..."

"You idiot, why did you do if you knew it'd make you so miserable?"

Izaya raised his head and looked into the distance. "It was the only way to hurt Shizu-chan."

"How could you put someone through the same thing knowing how hard it's been on you, especially someone as nice as Kasuka who went as far as to save the life of his brother's enemy just because it was the right thing to do?"

Izaya shrugged.

"This is going to hurt," Shinra warned right before sticking the needle into Izaya's skin with a lot more sadistic pleasure than he had ever expected.

**"Ugh... That hurt!**

"Good!" Shinra hissed and thrust in the needle again. Izaya shrieked this time and tried to move away, but Shinra grabbed him by the nape and pulled him closer until their noses were almost touching, grey eyes staring into red-brown ones. "It's a small price to pay for all the shit you've pulled today, don't you agree?"

Izaya reluctantly nodded, jaw clenched in pain and beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face.

"I'm glad we're on the same page," Shinra chirped right before he harshly thrust in the needle again.

"Argh! It hur― I'm okay, I'm okay. " Izaya tried to smile, but he couldn't, Shinra's brutal treatment pulverizing his already wrecked nerves. He figured he deserved it, but that thinking still didn't help when the needle came back a fourth time, a pained cry spilling past his bloody lips as the accursed thing perforated his already swollen skin. He was panting heavily, nails digging into his palms hard enough to draw blood. He dared to open an eye and almost immediately regretted it, Shinra's psychotic expression making the blood in his veins freeze. He'd never seen this side of Shinra before, but he knew it existed, and now after finally seeing it, the man somewhat scared him. It truly was a shame that he ended up making its acquaintance while he was at the end of those cold and sadistic fingers. Even the man's smile was unnerving, the eyes hidden behind the reflection in his glasses giving him an eerie look. A shiver ran down Izaya's spine. _Please just finish already!_ "Oh god, just stop please! Stop! **STOP!**" he begged when he couldn't take it anymore, tears threatening to fall out of the corners of his eyes. Shinra stopped and looked at him, the malice behind those grey eyes ― which were staring at him through black-framed glasses ― making him want to run away and hide. Even the numbness from the alcohol was starting to dissolve and be replaced by a somber clarity, his brain finally understanding just how dangerous the doctor was.

"I'm not done yet," Shinra announced, eyes glowing dangerously as they settled on the wound with the intention to continue from where he left off.

"W-wait!" Izaya stuttered while trying to push Shinra away, only to get his hands smacked in return. "Please wait!" he tried again and breathed in relief when Shinra sighed and stopped torturing him. "Let me finish the story before you continue."

Shinra wasn't happy about being interrupted, but he allowed Izaya the respite anyway. "Make it short."

Izaya nodded frantically, relief flooding his senses at hearing the man's words. "I couldn't take it anymore..."

"I don't care," Shinra said, that unnerving smile still present.

"No, no, I meant **that time**... I couldn't take it anymore, I just couldn't stand seeing that... that **brute** getting ready to break Kasuka, so I told him to stop," Izaya hissed, eyes burning with hatred.

Shinra blinked a couple of times, the twisted smile disappearing from his face. "What...?"

"I told Slon to stop, and he just looked at me with this incredulous expression," Izaya continued, his voice trembling a bit, "but he wasn't about to stop simply because I asked him to."

"You told him to stop?!" Shinra asked and held his breath while waiting for the answer.

"I tried to push that monster away from Kasuka, but he punched me in the stomach so hard that I almost passed out. I clung to consciousness with everything I had; I couldn't let him go through with it." The mere memory of it made him sick, his already pale skin turning paler.

"And then...?"

"I pulled out my switchblade, but I was in too much pain to fight efficiently, so when he caught my wrist I dropped it into the palm of my other hand and stabbed him in the eye with it... I've never stabbed anyone in the eye before," Izaya confessed in a voice filled with disgust. "It didn't stop him though. What a monster! He pulled out a gun and shot me, but Kasuka managed to kick it just as he fired, so the bullet only grazed me before flying out of his hand."

Shinra was speechless, the madness that had taken over him earlier slowly ebbing away. He pulled one of Izaya's hands into his own, urging him to continue.

"Kasuka fought to stop him from reaching the gun, and that's how I managed to get my hands on it. I shot him, Shinra, I shot him, but he didn't go down, so I shot him again, and then I grabbed Kasuka and we both ran out of there... we ran, for a long time, the terror of what could've happened in that abandoned building urging us to keep running even after our legs could no longer move... or maybe that was just me, because Kasuka seemed a lot less affected than I was."

"You... you didn't go through with it," Shinra murmured with a gasp. He smiled again, but this time a genuine smile, not like the one that had made Izaya's hair stand on end. "You didn't do it!"

Izaya's voice carried a bit of bitterness as he answered. "I didn't. I'm so weak that I can't even take my revenge on Shizu-chan the way I wanted to!" He snatched his hand from Shinra's hold, his body trembling in both terror and rage. "I couldn't do it!"

Shinra placed his hands on Izaya's shoulders and squeezed gently. "Look at me! Izaya, look at me!"

He couldn't look though, red eyes hiding behind sweaty bangs. He was too upset over what he had tried to do, and equally upset over failing in doing so. He felt like a complete failure.

Shinra grabbed the pointy chin and tilted Izaya's head head up until they were both looking into each other's eyes while he used his other hand to move away some of the black strands covering those pained red eyes. "You did well," he said and then smiled when Izaya's eyes widened at his words before the man pushed him away with a snarl.

"I don't need you to tell me that!" _I'm upset because I did the right thing, you idiot!_ He was Orihara Izaya, and something as simple as doing the wrong thing had never stopped him before. At least he had the consolation of breaking Shizuo into a million pieces, even though it would only be for a few hours. "You know," he added, his voice sounding a bit cheerful this time around, "Shizu-chan probably still thinks that I broke his precious little brother. Ahhh... it felt so nice to hear him cry over the phone. I sent him the tape you know, and I had Celty deliver Kasuka to his apartment after another shot of M99 into his bloodstream. That kid should really learn to not turn his back on me so easily."

Shinra just stared at Izaya. "I don't even..."

Izaya smirked. "He deserved it, and don't you dare tell me otherwise!"

"I won't even bother," Shinra said before going back to sewing the wound.

"WAIT! Please just... just stop torturing me. Give me some painkillers, or something, anything!" There was only so much Izaya could endure at the hands of the mad doctor.

"You can't have painkillers because you were stupid enough to drink."

"Try to be gentle, ne? After all, I saved Kasuka."

"That has nothing to do with me," Shinra said with an innocent smile on his face just before he brutally plunged the needle into flesh again, Izaya's screech not slowing him down in the slightest. It didn't even bother him when Izaya eventually passed out from the pain, because no one fucked with him and got away with it, not even Orihara Izaya. He ran his thumb over the stitched up wound, the knowledge that it would scar taking away some of the rage he felt towards him. "I hope you'll remember this next time you think of playing games with me," he said out loud before grabbing his stuff and leaving a passed out Izaya on the couch.


	18. No Longer The Spectator

**Chapter 18: No Longer The Spectator**

.

It was some sort of morbid curiosity that drove Shinra to check on Shizuo, even though he would've preferred to not see his face again anytime soon. It wasn't like there was a need to go there anyway. As far as he knew, Kasuka was all right, besides sporting a few bruises and a broken wrist, and Shizuo was probably slowly dying on the inside, and that was fine too, because _"the beast,"_ as Izaya loved to call him, completely deserved it.

That wasn't the only reason though. He'd told Celty that he would check on Kasuka, and he always tried to keep his promises when it came to her. He spared her a glance as they walked side by side up to Shizuo's apartment, her tense form reminding him how concerned she was about a man who didn't deserve her worry. Shinra found it ironic that it was his beloved Dullahan's fault that he ended up in a situation where he could ever feel sorry for Izaya or resent Shizuo. She had been the one who told him to make friends and to live a normal life, and because he loved her so much, he'd followed her advice. _And look where that got me..._

Things used to be much easier when Shizuo and Izaya only beat the crap out of each other and went to him to get patched up. He could deal with that. He could deal with the fact that his two friends, if he could even call them that, hated each other's guts, but then that idiot Shizuo destroyed the fine balance that kept them all together and threw everything into chaos. He never even thought he'd care enough to take a side, but seeing Izaya so damaged, and knowing who was the one responsible for said damage, made him angry, and the fact that he felt angry because of another human being, another sentient being that was not Celty, made him feel even angrier, if that even made any sense. He assumed it did, somehow, in some twisted way, at least in his mind anyway.

Celty was supposed to be the only one who mattered to him, but he had gotten used to Izaya's presence over the years, and seeing the confident bastard change in the blink of an eye ticked him off for some reason. It was easy to deal with the usual Izaya, but this new, damaged Izaya was unpredictable, and he hated how he ended up witnessing the man's anguish first hand, as well as that despair which drove Izaya to threaten him with a gun just to make him understand what it was like to lose control. He could still remember his heartbeat increasing, his body going cold, and even though a part of him kept telling himself that Izaya could not be serious about it, his body still recognized the danger and reacted on its own. Yes, he understood just a bit better now, and that's exactly why he was pissed off at Izaya. He shouldn't have been bothered by any of it, because just as Izaya himself had said, he wasn't supposed to care. _You're a fool, Shinra, that's what you are,_ he told himself just before he stopped in front of Shizuo's apartment.

Celty knocked on the door a few times before typing on her PDA and showing it to Shinra. [ I should've brought Kasuka to our place instead of doing what Izaya hired me to do. ]

Shinra's heart skipped a beat when she said_ "our place"_, but he figured that it wasn't the time nor the place to allow his fantasies free reign over his mind, so he squashed them down and stared at the door for a few moments before turning his attention back to her. "I don't think Shizuo is going to open the door."

Celty nodded, shadows slithering from underneath her helmet and seeping into the keyhole, twisting and turning around until she heard the click which told her they could go inside.

[ Perhaps I should go in first, ] she suggested and moved to go in, the bad blood between Shinra and Shizuo no longer a secret. She had a feeling that sparks would come out flying the second the two men saw each other.

Shinra grabbed her arm and pulled her back and behind him. "I'll go in first." He figured that she thought he was stupid, or crazy, or both... like she would ever need his protection, but he didn't care. _I have to protect you from this, from the truth._ He was certain that she wanted to argue, but his stern look stopped any complaints she might've had. He would keep it from her no matter what, even if the price for his silence was that she kept being Shizuo's friend. _Sometimes ignorance truly is a bliss._

He pressed the doorknob and opened the door slowly, his eyes going wide at the sight of Shizuo sitting on the floor and holding an unconscious Kasuka to his chest not even two steps away from them. They both walked inside, but the image was so surreal that Shinra froze for a few moments, unable to decide how that made him feel. He had never seen Shizuo so... _so what?_ He didn't even know what word to use in order to accurately describe Shizuo's expression as the man gently ran his hand down Kasuka's back over and over again. _Broken? Pained?_ No, that wasn't it._Ah, dead inside,_ he finally realized, those golden eyes ― now a few shades darker ― staring into nothingness.

He leaned forward a bit, to have a closer look, but Shizuo didn't even seem to notice his presence. It made sense, considering how Shizuo thought that the person he cared about the most in the entire world ended up suffering the same fate he himself had inflicted upon Izaya. Was it wrong to enjoy seeing him so broken? It was only fair that Shizuo got to break too. Had Izaya succeeded, Shinra could almost think of it as some sort of divine punishment, but that was not a fate he wished upon Kasuka, even though Shizuo should've suffered for far longer than the few hours he would be led to believe that Kasuka had truly been raped.

He knew very well that it was cruel, and the old him who shared many happy memories with Shizuo hated to see him like this, but neither of them could be their old selves anymore, and he would never again be able to look at the man with anything else besides contempt. _Why did you fall prey to your rage in such a manner? You've destroyed everything; you've irreparably ruined the dynamics holding the four of us together._ He hated Shizuo for it, almost as much as he loathed him for what he had done to Izaya. Perhaps he was being selfish, but he didn't really care.

His eyes drifted to Celty, her tense form speaking volumes about how disturbed she was after seeing Shizuo so broken. She obviously knew it was Izaya's fault, the shadowy smoke simmering around her body a clear indicator of her barely suppressed rage.

[ I'm going to kill him! ] she typed on her PDA with such hate and fury that he was surprised the gadget didn't break in her hands.

"We'll talk about it later," he said softly, not wanting to startle Shizuo. The last thing he needed was for Celty to go after Izaya when the Informant was one step away from a mental breakdown. The man was a bastard, sure, but even Shinra could tell that Izaya had suffered enough. _Perhaps I shouldn't have left him alone,_ he thought, the ride to Shizuo's apartment cooling off some of his madness, but then the PDA was shoved in his face and he had no choice but to read it.

[ Just look at what he did to Shizuo! ]

_It's nothing compared to what this monster did to Izaya,_ but he couldn't exactly tell her that. Everything was so frustrating, and all he wanted to do was to go home and forget it ever happened, or that he had ever known two crazy people going by the names of Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo. He had Celty, and that was all he needed; too bad she didn't feel the same way about him. "I think Izaya already got his punishment, so there's no need for you to inflict more damage," he told her, but she didn't seem to listen, some of her black smoke snapping back and forth like an angry cat's tail.

He tilted his head and took a better look at Shizuo. The tear streaks on his cheeks and the red sclera of the eye were a strange thing to see on the face of Ikebukuro's strongest. He focused his attention on Kasuka, the broken right wrist immediately standing out even though it was covered by the fur of Izaya's jacket. He didn't know whether to admire Izaya for his ingenious cruelty or to feel just a tiny bit of pity towards Shizuo, but either way, Shizuo had to let go of Kasuka in order for him to take a better look at the broken appendage. "Shizuo," he said softly, but there was no reaction. "Shizuo!" he repeated, this time much louder, and for a fraction of a second, he thought he saw Shizuo glance at him. "SHIZUO! Snap out of it," he nearly shouted, but even that turned out to be fruitless. It was only when he gave the man a jab on the shoulder that Shizuo's eyes seemed to change their focus, dark golden orbs zero-ing in on him, the emptiness of that stare giving him the chills. _Even you can break, huh?_


	19. A Beautiful Lie

**Chapter 19: A Beautiful Lie**

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Shizuo had always been able to handle pain ― or at least that's what he used to think ― but pain comes in many forms, and while he could easily manage the physical aspect of it ― he was a monster after all ― the pain he felt while holding Kasuka's damaged body to his chest was a sort of agony that he had never felt before. Izaya's cruel words had repeatedly stabbed his heart as though they were hot, sharp knives meant to bleed him dry, but then he saw Kasuka in Celty's arms, body covered in bruises, and that's when the remainder of his heart got obliterated. All he could feel now was a black hole where the organ used to reside, an endless darkness in which he was rapidly drowning.

His arms held the unconscious form tighter, as though he was afraid he would lose more of Kasuka than he already had. Kasuka was kind and fragile, his complete opposite, and someone like that didn't deserve to go through something so horrible as to what Shizuo himself had put Izaya through. He could still clearly hear Kasuka scream in pain as Slon broke his wrist, a foreign sound that he couldn't remember ever hearing before. His little brother never cried, never complained, and had never been scared before, not even when he should've been fearful of all the things his older brother could end up doing to him in a fit of blind rage. Kasuka had trusted him even when Shizuo didn't trust himself.

_"Aren't you scared of me?"_ he remembered asking him one scorching summer day when they were leaning against a fence while eating some icecream. The first time he lost himself to his rage had been when Kasuka ate his pudding, and because of that he always had this terrifying thought that next time when he got angry he would really end up hurting his little brother.

_What if next time there are no more broken bones to stop me from throwing something at him,_ was the question always plaguing his young mind._What then?_ And that thought used to scare him more than anything in the world.

And he also remembered Kasuka turning his head towards him ― a tiny smile that most people wouldn't even be able to notice gracing those lips smeared with the vanilla icecream his little brother seemed to enjoy so much ― and answering with an indifferent, _"No,"_ in the most monotone voice Shizuo had ever heard before continuing with a question of his own, _"Why do you always ask me the same question?"_

_Because you should be,_ and yet he couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead he shrugged and went back to eating his own icecream, Kasuka only staring at him with those half-closed eyes of his for a few more seconds before doing the same.

_You never thought you could get hurt, huh, but look at you now._ Shinra absently ran his hand down the surely bruised back. _It hurts a lot, doesn't it?_It has to. _Did you cry and beg him to stop, or did you fight with everything you had to keep quiet, just like Izaya did?_ The flea had never asked him to stop, the little pained whimpers slipping past those bloody lips being the only reward he got for his efforts in trying to ruin the man. Izaya had only complained about his stabbed leg, and only now did Shizuo realize how strong the flea had remained throughout the events of that dreadful night. He almost wished that Izaya had cried and begged him to stop, because then perhaps he wouldn't have hurt him as much.

_I hope you begged, little brother,_ because if Slon was anything like him, the man would have also wanted to hear his victim scream, and nothing would've stopped him from accomplishing his goal. Slon was big, much bigger than Shizuo in every way, and even though the man didn't possess the same strength, it was enough to hurt Kasuka just as much as he had hurt Izaya. He felt his stomach churn at the thought of how that monster had ripped Kasuka apart, how he must've enjoyed it, _just like how I enjoyed breaking Izaya,_ and the agony and disgust his precious little brother had surely felt as Slon kept forcing himself into his unwilling body. _Izaya must've felt the same way..._

His hand stilled for a moment, a waft of both Kasuka and Izaya's smell filling his nostrils. The flea knew exactly what he was doing, dressing Kasuka in his clothes and forcing him to remember all the pain and suffering he'd caused him that night. He could never forget the flea's smell, something sharp and dangerous, _something Izaya._ Kasuka on the other hand smelled sweet. _You must've eaten pudding again,_ and he almost smiled at that thought, but then his expression turned grim when he remembered Kasuka's split lip and the coppery, nauseating smell of Izaya's blood. His stomach turned upside down. _Blood, so much of it... too much of it._ Not at all surprising, considering he tore into the much smaller body like a beast. Once disarmed, Izaya hadn't stood a change, and it was ironic that although Shizuo hated violence, all he seemed to be capable of doing was exactly that.

Kasuka fought well too, much better than Shizuo ever expected, but that still hadn't been enough._Did you think of me while you went through that hell? Did you pray I would show up and save you, or did you hate me for being the cause of it all? I think it was the second, wasn't it? You cursed me, I am sure, you must've wished I had never been born,_ he thought, and with that another piece of him disappeared into the black abyss that used to be his heart. Perhaps that was the only reason why he wasn't bringing down the whole apartment building in a fit of blind fury, because underneath the deceptive calm, despair was all he felt. It was the sort of despair rooting him to the spot and making him unable to react in any way besides clinging to Kasuka's unconscious form. He remembered Kasuka's words,_"I'll always be on your side,"_ but surely that was no longer the case._How could you ever be on my side again after paying the price for my mista―_

_Huh?_

A ripple, something disturbing the almost perpetual darkness in his mind. _What―_

"Shizuo?"

"Shin― ra?" he spoke softly, voice breaking. "Kasu―" he tried, but he couldn't even say his little brother's name, not when the guilt was squeezing the life out of him. He didn't even have the right to touch him anymore, yet he couldn't let go, his fingers holding even tighter onto the figure clad in Izaya's fur-trimmed coat. "Ka―" he tried again, but this time that one syllable was followed by a heartwrenching sob.

"I need you to let go so that I can have a look at him," Shinra said, wincing a bit when Shizuo only held Kasuka tighter. _The idiot is going to crush him._ "I'm not going to hurt him," he said, but Shizuo only gave him a tormented look before resting his cheek on top of Kasuka's head, strong fingers now running through silky brown locks with a tenderness that shouldn't have belonged to the same person who left all those injuries on Izaya's body. The contrast was uncanny to say the least.

Shizuo knew that Shinra hated him because of what he had done to Izaya, and that was exactly why he couldn't allow the doctor to touch Kasuka, but when he felt a gentle hand touch his shoulder, he raised tearful eyes and saw Celty's PDA hovering in front of his face.

[ Shizuo, please let us help him! ]

Celty didn't know what he had done, but Shizuo was certain that she too would abandon him if she ever found out. _Of course she would,_ he was a monster after all, a much bigger monster than she could ever be. _And I'm supposed to be human..._

[ Shinra is only going to have a look at the broken wrist. ]

Shizuo still wasn't convinced though. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I don't..." and he looked at Shinra through eyes blurred by tears. "I don't trust him."

Shinra merely shrugged, not at all offended by the remark. "You never trusted me to begin with."

[ Even if you don't trust Shinra, you know you can trust me, ] Celty tried again.

Shizuo removed his hand from Kasuka's hair.

[ If he tries anything funny, I'm going to kill him myself. ]

Shinra took a step towards the door. "You know, I can always just leave."

Shizuo grabbed the doctor's wrist. "Wait! Just... just wait, ok?" He realized his mistake though, and released the man, not before cringing when a disgusted glare was thrown his way. _Right._ "Give me a second," he said before forcing himself to let go of Kasuka. "Be careful," he then added and waited until Celty nodded before he unclenched the fingers holding onto the fur-trimmed coat and allowed the two of them to carry Kasuka to the couch. He would've done it himself, but he didn't even have the confidence to walk, let alone carry someone. He held his breath while they laid Kasuka down, and then finally breathed in relief when they were done moving him. He couldn't remember the simple act of walking ever being such a hard thing to accomplish, but the desperate need to be closer to Kasuka pushed his body forward, those few unsteady steps towards the unconscious form feeling like the longest distance he ever had to cross.

"This needs a cast," Shinra said once he freed Kasuka's arm from the confines of the coat and took a look at the swollen wrist. He could've taken Izaya's coat off completely, but for some sadistic reason he decided against it._Seeing your brother like this must hurt a lot... good!_ Shizuo had no idea how hard it had been on Izaya, how hard it still was. Shinra had witnessed some of it, and even that was more than he ever wanted to see or know. He could still clearly remember the day when Izaya showed up at his doorstep after the altercation with the Awakusu-Kai, those sunken cheeks and hollow eyes scaring him more than the broken rib ever could. Izaya hadn't been as lucky as Kasuka though, no one had saved him, and he also remembered the man's voice dripping venom as he said, _"It's easy for you to judge when you weren't the one who got fucked into the ground by that beast."_ He finally understood, if only a bit, because just being in the same room with Shizuo ― and knowing what the man had done ― made his skin crawl. _I really don't want to be here,_he thought and then sighed before he turned towards Shizuo. "I can't do anything about it here, but I can wrap it up tightly with bandages until he wakes up and goes to a hospital."

Shizuo nodded weakly. "Do whatever you can."

"I always do," he chirped before his voice took a more serious tone while he glared at Shizuo. "I patched up an almost dying Izaya, so Kasuka won't be a problem."

Shizuo flinched and turned away from the scrutinizing look, feeling completely ashamed for what he had done. _I know that already! I know what I did to Izaya, and to you, so please, please stop looking at me like that!_

Shinra sneered before he turned his attention back to Kasuka and proceeded to wrap the broken wrist. "What are you going to do about this, about Kasuka?" He had a feeling that the idiot would go after Izaya.

Shizuo's whole body shook with rage.**"Kill,"** he answered, eyes burning with hatred, finally understanding who was the person responsible for everything.

Shinra's head snapped in his direction. **"Don't you dare,"** he warned, hands balled into fists.

**"KILL,"** Shizuo repeated as he took out Izaya's switchblade from the pocket of his pants, the same one he'd snatched from the flea that night in the alley, and the same one he had plunged with sadistic pleasure into that pale, quivering thigh. He always kept it with him as a reminder of what kind of a monster he was, just in case he ever dared to forget.

Shinra jumped to his feet, glaring murder at the beast before him. "If you touch Izaya again, I'm going to kill you myself!"

Shizuo ignored him, deaf and blind to everything around him. _I'm going to kill the one who caused all of this!_ He remembered his own words from that time when he'd ran into Izaya at Shinra's apartment, _"all your fault, everything is your fucking fault!"_ _Hah, what a joke! _ He raised the switchblade and looked at Shinra with a crazed expression on his face. "The one who's responsible for everything ― I'm going to fucking kill him!" he growled before he put his other hand on the switchblade's handle and aimed it with all the speed and strength he could muster into the black hole that used to be his heart, because the one who was responsible for everything was none other than himself. **"Die!"** he snarled, but the blade was stopped before it reached its target, black smoke successfully binding his arms and body. He ignored it though, his mind set on only one thing, _KillkillkillkillKILLKILLKILL,_ and he kept pushing it in, the tip of the switchblade slowly sinking into his flesh, blood starting to trickle down the grey t-shirt he was wearing.

Celty panicked once she realizing that her power was not enough to stop him, so she grabbed his wrists with her hands and tried to pull them away, desperately wishing that she had her head so that she could talk him out of it. She tilted her helmet towards Shinra, hoping that he would understand and somehow help her out because she didn't want Shizuo to die. _PLEASE DO SOMETHING!_

Shinra was frozen on the spot, too shocked about what he was seeing to react in any way, but then he saw Celty ask for help and he forced his numb body to move. He grabbed the man's wrists and tried to pull away his hands, watching in horror as the blade kept sinking in deeper and deeper despite their combined efforts. The man truly was a monster. "SHIZUO! **SHIZUO!**" he shouted, but there was no reaction from his former friend. He couldn't let the bastard die, he wouldn't let him break Celty's heart. "YOU COWARD! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF?" he snarled, and he knew that Shizuo was faltering in his actions because he could finally see the bloody tip of the switchblade just above the tainted and sliced t-shirt.

Shizuo looked at both of them, eyes filled with confusion, as though such a thought had never even crossed his mind. "I'm not― That's not what I'm trying to do!" he said, voice cracking. He remembered Izaya's words, _"all of it is on you, beast!"_ and for once he was in agreement with the flea, so he was merely trying to kill the one responsible for everything.

"You can't run away from this! **You don't have the right!**" Shinra continued, finding it really hard to speak while putting all of his strength into stopping Shizuo from ending his pathetic existence. That and the whole thing was disturbing him in a way he couldn't describe, and he didn't know exactly how it made him feel, but happy was not it.

"I need to die!" Shizuo whined pathetically. "**EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT!**" he snarled in contempt. It had never been the flea's fault, because all of it was on him, just as Izaya had said back then at Shinra's apartment. It had been much easier to blame his victim for the mistakes he committed instead of admitting his guilt, and that's why he'd been in denial ever since it happened. Not anymore though, because now he saw it for what it was: **_a beautiful lie._** Nothing more, just a lie he kept telling himself because he was too much of a coward to handle the consequences of his actions.

"Please stop, you're upsetting Celty!" Shinra tried, hoping that he would wake him up from his madness enough to realize what he was doing to his friend. If Shizuo really succeeded in killing himself, Celty would forever blame herself for failing to stop him, and that's why Shinra couldn't let that happen. "You have to keep living so that the two of them may one day forgive you."_Oh wait, nothing happened to Kasuka._ "Besides, nothing happen―"

**"NII-SAN!"** they all heard Kasuka scream and snapped their heads in his direction, only to see him trying to get up, and then failing and falling back on the couch. "What are you trying to do, nii-san?" he continued, scared out of his mind after witnessing his brother trying to kill himself and not getting any answer from the three frozen people that were inside the apartment with him.

Shizuo's strength instantly vanished, both his arms getting pulled away the next second, the switchblade falling from his hands. _Nononono, why did you have to wake up now? Please don't move... please just stay there... you must be in so much pain... _His eyes filled with tears again and he collapsed on his knees once he was released, hands gripping his dyed locks in despair. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry! SORRY! **SORRY!**"

Shinra immediately kicked the blade away from sight and helped Kasuka up before grabbing Celty's arm and pulling her out of the apartment, knowing that it was best to leave the two brothers alone.

Kasuka walked on unsteady legs towards the trembling form of his brother, the sight tearing his heart apart. He raised his left hand and tried to run his fingers through the blond locks, but Shizuo recoiled from the touch as though he'd been burned. _What― happened?_


	20. Heartshaped Abyss

**Chapter 20: Heartshaped Abyss**

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"Nii-san," Kasuka spoke softly, but instead of raising his head and looking at him, Shizuo recoiled at the sound as though he'd been whipped. _I've never seen him cry before,_ he thought dejectedly. He didn't know what to do, especially when he was still somewhat confused about how he ended up in his brother's apartment. The last thing he remembered was getting out of the taxi he was sharing with Izaya, and walking away without sparing the man a second glance, his mind set on getting home and taking a long, relaxing bath. He shook his head to get rid of the memory and turned his attention back to Shizuo. "Please look at me!"

Shizuo didn't even dare raise his head to look Kasuka in the eyes, not when he knew what his little brother had been through. "Everything is my fault! I'm sorry!" He was a coward, he knew it, because he remembered seeing the terror in Izaya's eyes that night, and it crushed him to know that Kasuka most likely had that same look in his eyes. He finally understood now. He understood Izaya with such clarity that it physically hurt, and he loathed himself more than anything in the world knowing he had been the one to put the man through such hell. _How could I be so cruel? How could I ever blame him for what happened?_ Both Izaya and Kasuka were innocent, and both of them had been ruined because of him, and that was exactly why he deserved to die a slow and extremely painful death for his sins, hopefully by the hands of the two people whose lives he ruined.

"Nii-san, how did I get here?" Kasuka asked, hoping that Shizuo would stop apologizing for a second to answer his question. He didn't. "Nii-san, please, snap out of it!" he tried again, hoping to find out why Shizuo was crying so that he could fix it.

"I'm sorry," Shizuo said again in-between sobs.

"Nii-san, plea―"

"Sorry!"

"NII-SAN!" Kasuka tried again with no success. He knew he had to do something, but he didn't know how to reach out to Shizuo. He tried to grab his brother's right wrist, but Shizuo once again recoiled from the touch before backing away until he hit the wall. Kasuka tilted his head and pondered the situation for a moment before gingerly kneeling on the floor in front of the broken creature that used to be his brother. Everything hurt, especially his throbbing right wrist, but he took comfort knowing that it could've been much worse. _Much, much worse_. What he had felt was disgust, and he didn't remember ever experiencing it with such intensity. _I almost got..._ and here he stopped his train of thoughts, not because of what could've happened, but because of the knowledge that Shizuo had actually done such an atrocious thing to Izaya. And yet... _I can't abandon him. He needs me._ "Nii-san," he tried again.

"SORRY!"

"Stop saying that!"

"I'M SORRY!"

"HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!" Kasuka shouted.

Shizuo flinched and raised his head, never expecting to get slapped, hard. _What―_

Kasuka watched Shizuo's stunned expression for a second before grabbing the trembling jaw in an attempt to force him to pay attention to what he was saying.

More tears ran down Shizuo's cheeks, a pathetic whimper slipping past his lips. Kasuka had never hit him before, which meant that his little brother hated him so much that he wanted to physically hurt him. "H-hit me," he said in a shaky voice, his eyes fixed on Kasuka's split lip instead of those brown, pained orbs. "I deserve it."

"That's not what―"

"Hurt me! Break me! Kill me! I deserve all of that and much more!" he nearly shouted, his entire body shaking, shivering, suddenly feeling more cold than he could ever remember feeling. "I'm no different than the monster who..." He couldn't continue though, not when that simple word would make everything so much more real and terrifying.

Kasuka's brows slightly furrowed. "Why would I..." If Shizuo was talking about what he thought he was, then... "How do you even know about what happened?"

Shizuo nearly choked on another sob. "Izaya showed m-me the video―"

"Oh no..." Kasuka said weakly and lost his grip on Shizuo's jaw, eyes going wide. "You saw that?"

Shizuo nodded frantically, shivering even harder than before. He lowered his head again and raised his hands, wanting to touch Kasuka, only to drop them, knowing that he had no right to ever touch him again.

Kasuka cringed just slightly, feeling embarrassed that his brother ended up seeing the video. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have followed Izaya. I'm sorry."

Shizuo froze, too shocked that Kasuka would apologize for something he had no control over. He raised his head, and for the first time since Kasuka woke up, he looked him straight in the eyes. "Never say that again! It wasn't your fault. The victim is never at fault. You fought well, I... I saw. Not your fault..."

"Nor is it yours. I'll be fine."

"It is my fault, and you'll never be fine!" Izaya was not fine either. Izaya was broken, terrified, hurt, all because of him, just like his little brother.

Kasuka raised his left hand to cup Shizuo's wet cheek, but Shizuo flinched, a part of him thinking that he would get hit again. Kasuka didn't hit him though, and that crushed Shizuo even more, because he deserved to be punished for his sins. He knew that he shouldn't, but he nuzzled into the warm palm anyway. _It might be the last time I get to feel your gentle touch..._

"Nii-san, please stop crying," Kasuka nearly begged. He couldn't stand seeing him looking so defeated.

"I can't help it," Shizuo said brokenly. "You were... y-you were... r-raped because of me."

Kasuka stood stock still._ WHAT?!_ Ah, but if that was what Shizuo believed, then everything made perfect sense. Gently, he captured Shizuo's chin and stared into the mocha eyes. "I was not raped," he said sternly.

Shizuo's heart skipped a beat, eyes wide and filled with both hope and fear while he wondered if his little brother was only saying it so that he could make him feel better.

"I don't know what Izaya told you, but nothing like that happened," Kasuka continued and hoped that Shizuo believed him.

"But I saw the video," Shizuo whispered, voice barely audible, heart hammering inside his ribcage, "I saw Slon―"

"You were deceived."

"How...?"

Kasuka gave him a sympathetic look, finally realizing why Shizuo would try to end his life. He ran his fingers through the blonde locks, feeling an overwhelming need to comfort him. "Izaya stopped Slon and saved me."

Shizuo's mouth fell open. "Izaya― saved you?"

Kasuka nodded and pulled Shizuo into a hug.

Shizuo's fingers desperately clutched the black t-shirt, wanting really hard to believe him. "You're lying," he whimpered pathetically.

"I wouldn't lie about something like this!" Kasuka tightened his hold on Shizuo, feeling every tremor in that strong body that could easily snap a person in two if his brother chose to do so. Slon was strong, but he was nothing compared to Shizuo, and yet he hadn't been able to fight him off. He should've fought harder, and because he hadn't, Shizuo almost ended up losing his life. He felt his stomach churn in disgust and he shuddered at the memory, wishing that he could forever erase it from his mind. Shizuo's forehead was resting on his chest, those strong hands gripping the black material of his t-shirt with heartbreaking agony. _Wait, what― These are not my clothes._ He hadn't noticed before, but now that he had, he immediately recognized them. "Let me take this off," he said, hoping that Shizuo would let him go so that he could at least take off the coat hanging from his right shoulder.

Shizuo shook his head and tightly wrapped an arm around Kasuka's back. "Leave it," he said, voice trembling. He wanted to believe Kasuka so badly, but he was still afraid that it was nothing more than a lie told by his brother in order to make him feel less guilty about everything. _But what if... I need to know._ He slowly unclenched the fingers holding onto the black material and helped Kasuka slip his other hand out of Izaya's coat. He then grabbed the lower part of the t-shirt before slowly pulling it up and letting the clothing article drop next to him on the floor.

Kasuka watched him, wondering what Shizuo was trying to do. "Nii-san...?"

"I need to... c-check something." He knew his voice was trembling, hell, his teeth were chattering, but he had to see it with his own eyes, otherwise he wouldn't be able to believe it.

_I don't want to see this,_ thought Kasuka, the bruises on his chest and stomach reminding him of how easily it had been for Slon to immobilize him. "Nii-san, please..."

Shizuo checked the shoulders first before raising his head and looking him in the eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you. I only want to see if there are any bruises on your hips."

"There aren't," Kasuka rushed to answer, but he realized that Shizuo didn't believe him when his brother unbuckled the belt and dipped a finger past the waistband of his pants before slowly pulling down the material from his left hip. "Nii-san, I swear, nothing like that happened!"

"Don't― talk."

Kasuka closed his eyes, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious.

"Nothing here," said Shizuo, his voice filled with hope. He remembered how hard he had grabbed Izaya's hips that night, so it only made sense that Slon would do the same. _To get leverage, _and it made him sick to even think why he knew such a thing._ I really am a monster. _His honey-colored eyes further darkened, the regret he felt in regard to what he had done to Izaya almost suffocating him.

"I told you already, nothing happened!" Kasuka tried again, but his words fell on deaf ears.

Shizuo ignored him and did the same thing to Kasuka's right hip, a sigh leaving his dry lips when he saw no bruise in the shape of a palm or fingers. "You're not lying to me, right?" he asked, still not one hundred percent convinced that nothing happened. It was hard to believe that Izaya would arrange the whole thing only to save Kasuka at the last moment.

"Nii-san, I swear, nothing happened beyond me getting my ass kicked. Oh, I don't think I phrased that right, but you know what I mean." He picked up the shirt and tried to put it on, struggling with it for a bit until Shizuo grabbed it and snatched it from his hand.

"I'm going to give you one of my t-shirts," he said and moved to get up, only to get pulled back down by Kasuka.

"I would rather wear this."

Shizuo gave him a strange look.

"Nii-san, please don't hurt yourself like that again," he nearly pleaded, and he had a feeling that he would probably never be able to erase from his mind the sight of Shizuo trying to sink that knife into his heart. If it hadn't been for Shinra and Celty, then... _then you would've died._

Shizuo winced, feeling extremely guilty for traumatizing his little brother with such an unsightly display. "I'm sorry, I never wanted you to see that, but the thought of that monster doing to you what I did to Izaya―"

Kasuka didn't let him finish and instead pulled him into a hug. "I know that you are sorry."

Shizuo hugged him back, relief flooding both his exhausted mind and body.

"Even if I would've really gotten hurt, I still wouldn't want to see you dead," Kasuka tried to reassure him.

Shizuo shook his head. "Trust me when I say that you would've hated me." Kasuka was naive if he thought that things wouldn't have changed after such a traumatizing experience. The only reason he could still touch him without Kasuka not flinching away or feeling disgusted was because Slon didn't get to finish what he started.

"I could never hate you," Kasuka told him, his tone leaving no room for argument. He wasn't one to go back on his word, which meant that even if Izaya hadn't stopped Slon, he would've still not hated Shizuo because he had made the promise to always be on his side. "Besides," he added, feeling a bit better now that he was finally safe in Shizuo's apartment, "I'm here with you now, so let's not think about what could've happened."

"Perhaps I should have Shinra take a look at you, just to be sure," Shizuo said, still somewhat afraid that it was all a lie.

Kasuka pushed him away. "I've never lied to you before! Why would I start now?" He got up and walked to the kitchen to get a glass a water before coming back and sitting on the couch. He watched Shizuo, who was still sitting on the floor, looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He sighed loudly.

Shizuo had watched him carefully, to see if he was limping, but it didn't look like Kasuka had any problems walking. He breathed in relief and finally allowed himself to relax. Kasuka wasn't lying after all. "Can I... can I not punish Izaya for what happened today?" It was true that Izaya had been the one who got Kasuka hurt, but the man would've never done so had it not been for what Shizuo had done to him that night.

Kasuka gazed at him, that usual blank look back on his face. "Nii-san, I would be mad at you if you would even consider doing anything to him."

"Thank you," Shizuo said before he grabbed Izaya's t-shirt and got up as well. Moving towards Kasuka, he helped him put it on; if that was what Kasuka wanted, who was he to argue? He did however cringe when he remembered his own bloody t-shirt. He also needed to patch that self-inflicted wound. "I'll be right back."

"Ok," said Kasuka and tried to find a more comfortable position on the couch.

Shizuo went to his room and pulled a t-shirt from the drawer before he went into the bathroom to clean the cut. He took off his grey t-shirt to inspect the damage, but seeing how the wound was not that serious, he only applied a simple strip bandage after cleaning it with some water. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a bit, cringing at the sight of his swollen red-rimmed eyes. He washed his face and ran a shaky hand through his hair. _Izaya, what were you thinking? Why did you save him, _he couldn't help but wonder. He stayed like that for a while, just looking at his reflection in the mirror before he walked away and went back to Kasuka.

"Will that be enough?" Kasuka asked, his eyes fixed on the strip bandage.

"It looked worse than it was," Shizuo assured him as he put on the clean t-shirt. He sat down next to Kasuka and pulled him into a hug, and even after he felt Kasuka wince, he still didn't let go; he couldn't. "I'm going to kill Slon."

"I think Izaya beat you to it."

"Huh?" Shizuo exclaimed, dumbfounded.

"He didn't want to back off, so Izaya shot him."

Shizuo tightened his grip around Kasuka. "I'm glad that he did."

Kasuka nodded. _I'm glad to be here with you,_ he thought just before he allowed his body to finally relax.

.

.

_**A/N:** Murasa: Thank you. :)_


	21. A Poisoned Gift

Chaper 21: A Poisoned Gift

.

Izaya's eyes flung wide open, a single thought flooding his mind:

_**BATHROOM!**_

He jumped to his feet and ran upstairs, the burning need to relieve himself making him forget about the injuries his body had sustained earlier that day. He almost screamed in frustration as he fumbled with the belt, hands shaking as he yanked the zipper of his pants and pulled out his member, a satisfied sigh escaping his dry lips as his bladder gradually emptied, the pain in his nether regions ebbing away only to be replaced by a splitting headache. Once finished, he tucked himself away and walked towards the sink on unsteady legs.

"Ugh... what happe―"

His body tensed, bits and pieces of his meeting with Shinra brutally slamming through the haze that had settled over his mind. His hands froze under the cold water, the image of a terrified Shinra leaving him weak at the knees. _Did I―_

**"NO!"** he screeched in a totally uncharacteristic way while turning off the faucet with trembling hands. He rubbed his temples for a while before he raised his head to gaze at his reflection in the mirror, the sight of the dried blood on his face and throat making him gasp in surprise. He stared blankly at it for a while, the memory of Shinra repeatedly punching him in the face and breaking his nose quickly coming back to him. _Oh..._

He remembered threatening him with a gun and ordering him to take his clothes off, which was terrible in itself, but that wasn't what pained him to remember. No, what really squeezed his heart in a vice-grip was the memory of Shinra looking at him as though he had been betrayed by the only human he had made the mistake of caring about. Izaya felt ashamed. _How could I do that to him,_ he thought dejectedly as he washed his face, but he ended up cringing when his eyes fell on the sewed up injury. A blind person could've done a better job, which meant that Shinra had obviously wanted the thing to scar. He should've known that drinking would be a bad idea, but he wasn't exactly expecting visitors, so he figured that drinking would numb him enough to stop the flashbacks from bombarding his already brittle sanity. _What's so wrong with wanting to forget?_

He wiped his face with a towel and left the bathroom, his mind set on getting rid of any sake he had left. He picked up the opened bottle he didn't get to finish before passing out and poured the remaining alcohol into the sink, glaring at the liquid as it flowed down the drain. With that out of the way, he picked up one of his many phones and called Shinra.

_"Hello?"_

"It's me, Izaya," he said and held his breath as the silence stretched between them.

_"I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by that name,"_ Shinra replied in an apparently cheerful tone, but Izaya could feel the coldness behind it, and he felt a chill running down his spine when he remembered the man's crazed expression as the doctor kept torturing him.

"You can't possibly be ser―" Izaya started, but he ended up losing his voice when the man ended the call.

He stayed like that for a long time, hand gripping the phone so tightly that his knuckles turned white. _No! You can't do this me now!_

Izaya knew that he wasn't the nicest person around, and while he did have a few fans, mainly disturbed teenage girls who thought they loved him, none of them knew the real him. What they obsessed over was not him. What they saw was nothing more than the carefully crafted image it had taken him years to perfect, just a masterfully designed mask for his humans to both fear and admire him, and because of it they thought he was indestructible. Shinra however knew the real him, the sometimes petty, insane, lonely Informant who loved humanity but received no love in return. Shinra knew that he could break, had seen him break, and instead of kicking him while he was down, like most humans would've done, he'd done everything in his power to get him back on his feet and even went as far as to protect him in more than one occasion. Such was the person he had betrayed. For the first time in his life, Izaya felt extremely guilty.

Still, he couldn't let it end like that. He shoved the phone into the pocket of his pants and went upstairs to put on a clean t-shirt. He grabbed the keys on the way to the door, slipped into his coat and headed for the Fukutoshin subway station. He wasn't sure what he was going to tell the man once he got there, but he would use the time it took to get from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro to think of a way to apologize.

Going out felt strange, and a bit terrifying, because each time he went to Ikebukuro he risked running into Shizuo. If the beast didn't kill him the next time they ran into each other...

_I'd rather die than go through that again, _he wanted to say, but he knew that he'd rather live no matter what.

He shivered at the thought, already regretting his decision of deleting the video he took of Slon and Kasuka. His plan hadn't worked out the way he wanted, but the video could've still been used as means of protection against Shizuo's wrath. _Orihara Izaya, how could you make so many mistakes in one day?_ Then again, he could always bluff and see how far that got him.

He ignored the strange looks people gave him as he stepped into the subway and moved to sit at the back of the wagon. He felt tired, and his entire body was hurting, but he couldn't afford to rest, not before talking to Shinra. After the doctor had saved his life on more than one occasion, as well as going as far as to use his own body to shield him from an incoming attack, Izaya had not once thanked him. _Orihara Izaya, you're such a horrible human being._ The thing was that he used to be more than just a human before Shizuo shattered both his body and mind, but that was no longer the case, and he hated the beast for it. For him to be reduced to just a man... _Shizu-chan, I hate you so much._ The old Izaya was ruthless when it came to revenge, yet the new one―the human one―wasn't even capable of utterly crushing the monster that had reduced him to such a pathetic creature. _And I was so close..._

By the time he reached Ikebukuro he felt like he was about to throw up, the nausea he felt until then getting much worse. He paused just before leaving the station, the thought that Shizuo was somewhere nearby making a shiver run down his spine. He hadn't been to Ikebukuro alone since that day when he left Shinra's apartment, and each time he came back after that he'd been accompanied by Slon, the two of them working on trying to find the Awakusu-Kai spies. _Hopefully, Shizu-chan is too busy begging Kasuka for forgiveness to worry about me._

Out of nowhere, he heard his phone ring and he picked it up.

_"Oi, brat, are you messing with me?"_

"Excuse me?"

_"I've been calling you for hours now. Why didn't you answer?"_

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear the phone ring," Izaya admitted cringing. "Did you―"

_"No."_

Izaya felt his blood run cold. If Kine didn't get rid of Slon's body, he risked getting caught by the police. "Why?' he asked, nearly choking on the word.

_"No one was there."_

Izaya had to lean against a store's window just to keep standing. _How did he survive that?!_

"Oi, you still there?" Kine asked, his voice conveying all the irritation he felt at that moment.

"I'm sorry, Kine-san, I'm going to have to call you back later," Izaya said before hanging up, his whole body trembling as an incessant shiver kept running up and down his spine. He wasn't one to have panic attacks, but he was pretty sure that he was really close to having one. There was no place in Tokyo for him to hide from the Russian assassin, not when the man could blow his brains out any time he wanted, which meant that the only way for him to survive would be to end the man's life while he was lying in some hospital bed. He typed a number on his phone and waited for the person on the other end to pick up.

_"What do you want?"_

"I need you to check the hospitals around Tokyo for a person named Slon," Izaya said while trying to sound like his usual calm self.

_"Hey, I'm not your secretary."_

"No, but you're still my employee, Ran, so I suggest you get to it."

_"Hey bas―"_

"The underground ones too. Let me know when you find him," he said and ending the call, knowing that Ran would do as he was told.

He stayed like that for a few more minutes, body trembling as he tried to chase away the nausea. _If the old me would see me now, he would probably laugh in my face._ He pushed himself away from the surface he was leaning against and kept walking until he found himself in front of the elevator inside Shinra's apartment building. He raised a hand to press the button, but he was grabbed by the arm and dragged behind the door leading to the staircase where he was harshly slammed into the wall.

He chuckled, the black smoke spilling out from underneath Celty's helmet a clear indication that she was furious. "Courier-san, this isn't like you." He'd seen the Dullahan angry before, but her anger had never been directed at him with such intensity, the force of her grip alone making him wince.

[What have you done to them?]

Izaya chuckled and tried to walk away, only to get slammed back into the wall by the seething Dullahan. "You'll have to be more specific if you want me to answer your question, because, as you may already know, I've done many things to a lot of people."

She grabbed the PDA with one of her shadows and typed with her right hand while keeping the other one firmly wrapped around his neck.

[Don't play dumb!]

"Does that mean that Courier-san thinks I'm smart? Why thank you," Izaya chirped as he raised a hand and tried to unclench Celty's fingers from around his neck, only to wince again when the hold tightened to the point that he was having troubles breathing. Seeing as how he was left with no other option, he tried to grab the switchblade from the pocket of his coat, but his eyes went wide when he couldn't find it there, and then widened even further when Celty threw the weapon down the stairs leading to the basement. "Was that really necessary?" he asked in a raspy voice, looking askance towards the place where the switchblade had been thrown.

[YES!]

Izaya's eyes fell on the PDA and he sighed. He had been wrong in thinking that his day couldn't have gotten any worse, because it did, the news that Slon wasn't dead turning to ash his already fried nerves. As though that wasn't already bad enough, he ended up running into the obviously pissed off Dullahan. He glared at her, unable to further maintain his usual calm mask. "Let go, **now!"** he hissed, his eyes conveying all the hate and rage he felt at that moment.

Celty didn't let go though, and instead she typed again on her PDA before shoving it into his face. [Tell me what you did to Shizuo.]

Izaya raised his fist and punched her helmet off, the thing hitting the ground with a loud noise that bounced off the walls. "What I did to him? WHAT I DID TO HIM?!" he snapped, his outburst surprising her to the point that the strength behind her hold lessened a bit. "What if he did something to me instead? What then? Ah, but Courier-san could never understand."

[What are you trying to say?]

Face morphed into a malicious expression, he glared at Celty, trying to decide whether to tell her or not. He was a curious creature by nature, so to observe a Dullahan as her world got turned upside down would most likely be highly fascinating and perhaps even entertaining. His smirk widened. "You're a monster."

[What does that have to do with anything?!]

Izaya chuckled darkly, his eyes burning with malevolence. "Courier-san would not be able to comprehend what lies beyond the closed door."

[I'm tired of games, Izaya, so start talking!]

"Be careful what you wish for."

[I want to know what's going on!]

"Are you sure you want to know what lies beyond it?" he asked and chuckled some more when she squeezed his neck tighter. So what if she knew? It wasn't like she would tell anyone. Celty would most likely not even feel sorry for him, and that was fine, because he would never want her pity, but at the very least she would stop harassing him each time they ran into each other. And wouldn't it be amusing if the monster turned out to be human enough to get outraged by Shizuo's actions? With some luck she might even abandon him. It wasn't fair that the beast had so many friends and people who cared about him while Izaya himself had no one. Well, there was Shinra, but Izaya had no idea whether or not he could mend their broken friendship. It was only fair that Shizuo got to lose a friend too. His eyes glowed dangerously as he stared at Celty, his voice dripping malice as he spoke his next words. "Blood, tears and pain are the only things you can find behind it, so knowing all of that, are you still sure that you want to open it?"

[Yes, I still want to know.]

Izaya's smirk widened, his features set into a crazed expression. "All right, I'll tell you, but remember one thing: YOU asked for it."

[Just tell me already!] she rushed him, black smoky shadows snapping back and forth in a display of pure irritation.

"Ah, but Courier-san might just be too innocent to know what I'm talking about."

[IZAYA!]

He raised his hands in a placating gesture. "All right, all right, I'll try to explain in such a way that even you can understand," he said and chuckled some more. "Do you know what Shinra thinks about every time he looks at you, or are you too blind to notice?"

[What are you talking about, you lowlife?]

"Sex, Courier-san, it's called sex, you might have heard of it before," Izaya chirped, thoroughly enjoying the embarrassment that seemed to have washed over the Dullahan, her stiff posture clearly indicating her discomfort. "I won't deny that Shinra loves you, in his own twisted way of course, but he's a man, and it's only natural that he wants more besides your ever pleasant company."

Celty wanted to type something, but instead she changed her mind and lowered the PDA.

"Shizu-chan and I had sex," said Izaya in an equally venomous and sadistic voice, his eyes burning with hatred. He would be lying if he said that he wasn't enjoying her distress.

Celty's fingers trembled as she kept typing and deleting words on her PDA before finally showing it to Izaya.

[Shizuo would never do something like that with you!]

Izaya burst into hysterical laughter, eyes tearing up. Whether it was from laughter or from the sheer embarrassment of what he was about to say next, he didn't know, but he kept on talking. "Ah, ah, but wait, there is a twist! You will probably not like what I'm about to say next, so I'm going to give you one last chance to walk away."

[Talk!]

Ignoring the nauseating feeling burning through the pit of his stomach, as well as the sound of his heart wildly hammering against his rib cage, he swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath. "I didn't consent to it," he said, his quivering voice a testimony of mental anguish. "It was rape, Courier-san."

The shadowy smoke floating around them froze in mid-air.

"Do you know what that is?" Izaya continued, trying to blink away the blurriness in his eyes. "Rape is any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person."

Celty lost her grip on his neck, hand falling limply by her side.

Izaya watched her for a while, wondering what she would do next, but when he realized that she was too shocked to react in any way, he pushed himself away from the wall and went to retrieve his switchblade. He stopped behind her on his way to the door, hands trembling inside the pockets of his coat. "I told you that you wouldn't like it," he said, cracked lips set into a mirthless smile. He then pushed the door open and walked out, leaving Celty alone to gather her jumbled thoughts. _Courier-san, what will you do now, hmm?_

_._

_._

_**A/N: **__ Murasa: *blushes* Thank you so much! I don't even know what to say! ^.^ I kind of love to play with my readers' mind, so expects the unexpected and the characters making stupid mistakes, as well as twists and wtf moments. XD_


	22. The Struggle Within

**Chapter 22: The Struggle Within**

.

Izaya rubbed his eyes to get rid of that annoying blurriness of unshed tears as he paused in front of the door to Shinra's apartment. It hadn't been easy to tell Celty what happened, but he was tired of her overall attitude regarding the whole situation, and he wanted that to stop. He wasn't naive enough to believe that she would remain her usual self around him after sending her off to deliver Kasuka's beaten body to the brute, but it had still bothered him. There was nothing worse than to get blamed for hurting Shizuo when the beast had been the one to break the rules first. Shizuo was supposed to only beat him to a bloody pulp that night, but the idiot had snapped and took things too far. Izaya knew he deserved bad things happening to him for what he had done to various people over the years, but he was sure that getting brutally raped and then left to die in a filthy alley was not one of them. Had it not been for both Kasuka and Shinra saving him that night, he would've certainly died. There were times when it crossed his mind that it couldn't have been worse than living like this, but he always pushed away those thoughts because he preferred to cling to life even though it was painful. He knew that more suffering awaited him, especially after realizing that he was still affected enough to interrupt his own plans of revenge, but he refused to give up. He raised his hand and timidly knocked on the door, and held his breath when he heard the lock turning and saw the door opening.

Shinra stared at him with an unreadable expression for a long time, the stretching silence making Izaya feel extremely uncomfortable. He was about to open his mouth to say something, but the man shot him a nasty glare and moved to close the door.

"Wait!" Izaya screeched and tried to stop Shinra from closing it, only to get his arm trapped between the door and its frame. He grunted as the metal dug into his skin the harder Shinra pushed, but he ignored the pain, his mind set on getting the man to listen to him. "Give me a chance to explain myself," he pleaded.

"I prefer to keep my distance when it comes to armed criminals," Shinra sneered, his voice conveying all the irritation he felt towards him.

"I'm not armed!"

"Remove your arm before I break it," Shinra warned and pulled the door back a little so that Izaya could free his arm."

"Fine," Izaya hissed through clenched teeth, "but I'm not leaving until we talk."

Shinra pushed the door closed with a lot more force than was necessary and stomped towards the couch in the living room where he flopped down on it and folded his arms in front of his chest. He was still pissed at Izaya for being a bastard, but he was more upset about his fight with Celty than anything else, their conflict resulting in her storming out of the apartment. He hated knowing that she was mad at him, and he hated to see her upset, but if he were to tell her what was really going on, he knew that she would only suffer more than she already was.

He turned his head towards the hallway and wondered if Izaya would really stand there outside his door until he'd be given him a chance to explain himself, or leave and come back another time. _He's not that big of an idiot,_ he thought before he picked up the remote control and turned the TV on, hoping that he would find something to distract himself with, which was far better than mopping around.

Meanwhile, Izaya stared at the door for a few minutes before sighing and shoving his hands inside the pockets of his coat. He felt really tired, and cold, but he'd already made up his mind to stay there until Shinra invited him inside, so he sighed dejectedly and leaned with his back against the door. He glanced at the floor beneath him, then at his coat, immediately dismissing the thought of sitting down; he really couldn't afford to ruin this coat too. There was always the fur-trimmed jacket, which he mostly wore when it was warmer outside, but he really did prefer the coat over it, especially when the weather was so cold.

He stayed like that for a long time, staring at his phone once in a while and hoping that Ran would call him. He almost dropped it though when it did ring, but the number was not one he recognized.

_"Orihara Izaya?"_ a female voice asked.

"Yes. With whom am I speaking?"

_"Vorona."_

Izaya had to swallow the lump in his throat in order to be able to speak his next words. "How may I help you?" he asked in a forced cheerful tone.

_"Information is needed regarding the last job Orihara-san and Slon-senpai completed. Slon-senpai demanded assistance today, but the information could not be relayed before death at hospital during surgery. Data not sufficient to identify the murderer."_

Izaya managed to cover his mouth in time to hide a surprised gasp. If Slon truly was dead, and Vorona had no idea who the killer was, then his hide was safe. Did she really have no clue that he was the killer, or was she was simply lying in order to catch him off-guard? Either way, it was best if he kept his guard up. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said solemnly.

_"Slon-senpai was comrade. His death will be avenged," _Vorona stated, sounding determined.

"How much do you know about the job?"

_"No data."_

"I see. We worked together to find the spies within the Awakusu-Kai who either worked for the Police or for rival organizations. We succeeded in identifying three of them. I'm sure we got them all, so if the murderer is related in any way to this last case, it makes sense for them to be someone who knew those men. Do you have an email address?"

_"Affirmative."_

"Message it to me and I'll send you the information tomorrow."

_"Help is appreciated,"_ Vorona said before hanging up.

Izaya stared ahead for a while, phone hanging in hand until he received the message. He wasn't exactly happy about killing Slon, if he really was dead, but it beat the alternative. As much as he hated Shizuo, he couldn't just stand there and do nothing while the Russian assassin did to Kasuka the same thing which had been done to him. Still, a valuable human life had been lost because of his mistake, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He pocketed the phone and hoped that Ran would call him soon to confirm Slon's death.

He lost track of time as he stood there trying to ignore the weariness, until Shinra suddenly opened the door, causing Izaya to lose his balance and fall backwards with a surprised yelp.

Shinra acted on instinct, hooking his arms underneath Izaya's stretched ones and successfully halting his dangerous descent.

Izaya chuckled as Shinra awkwardly held him, noticing the mocking smile before his vision drifted and their eyes locked. "Thank you for saving my precious behind, kind stranger."

Shinra scoffed, tempted to drop him. "Idiot."

Izaya smiled and got up with a bit of help from his savior. "Does this mean I can come in now?"

"I was going to look for Celty," Shinra said, frowning.

"Your girlfriend can take care of herself."

Shinra glared at him but kept quiet. Izaya was right. "Fine, get in," he said, scowling. "I can't believe you're still here," he grumbled.

Izaya pushed Shinra out of the way and dashed towards the kitchen where he picked up a glass and poured himself some much needed water. He greedily gulped it down and placed the glass back on the counter with a satisfied sigh, shrugging when he noticed Shinra's surprised expression. "I was thirsty."

Shinra turned around and went to the living room where he sat down on the couch. "Why are you here?"

Izaya followed him and sat down as well. "I see you replaced the glass doors I broke."

"Yeah, and you owe me money for that by the way."

"Send me the bill."

"And for the couch. It wasn't cheap to remove the blood stains."

"Got it."

Shinra sighed and shifted around uncomfortably. "Say what you have to say, and then leave."

"About earlier today..." Izaya started but lost the courage to go on when Shinra glared at him through squinted eyes.

"What about it?" the doctor nearly hissed. "Are you here to complain about how I did a terrible job at patching up your bullet wound?"

"No!" Izaya rushed to answer. "No... I'm here to apologize." Feeling somewhat ashamed, he lowered his head, eyes fixed on his knees. "I'm really sorry about all the stupid things I said and did."

"Oh my, is the great Orihara Izaya seriously apologizing to me? I find it very hard to believe," Shinra said mockingly.

"While I cannot remember everything, I still remember enough, and I know that I owe you an apology... a serious apology." He raised his head and looked him in the eyes. "I truly am sorry."

Shinra's eyes widened in surprise. He knew Izaya well enough to realize the man was serious this time around, and while he was still pissed at him for even thinking of such a stupid way to make him understand what he'd gone through, he really couldn't stay mad at him when the apology sounded so sincere. He sighed and smiled lazily. "Apology accepted," he said and watched Izaya's genuine smile with some amusement, the man's dull eyes lighting up almost instantly.

"Thank you."

"It's fine, just don't do that again."

Izaya shook his head. "The 'thank you' is not for this alone, it's for everything. Even after all the stupid things I did today, you still helped me when you could've simply walked away, not to mention that you saved my life that night. I would've been dead right now if it wasn't for you," he said, eyes darkening.

To say that Shinra was surprised was an understatement. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Izaya?" he asked with a broad smile on his face, his expression turning into a frown at Izaya's next words.

"I have no idea. Let me know if you find him."

Shinra felt a pang in his chest at seeing Izaya's defeated posture, so he got up, walked towards him and gently squeezed his shoulder, noticing with no little amount of surprise that Izaya didn't flinch. He'd felt bad all those other times he touched him before, because he could feel the tension underneath the surface, that barely restrain need to pull away, but this time, he felt nothing of the sorts. "You'll be fine."

"I don't know about that," Izaya said and abruptly got up, "but thank you for everything."

"Are you leaving?"

Izaya nodded. "I'll see you around," he said and waved as he walked out of the apartment.

Shinra sighed loudly, and then sat down and took off his glasses to rub his tired eyes. He felt sorry for Izaya, sorry enough to almost miss the smug bastard he once used to know. This new Izaya was nicer, and less of a dick, but Shinra couldn't stand that constant sadness that seemed to emanate from the man.

He heard the door open and he clumsily put on the glasses before turning around, thinking that Izaya might've forgotten something, only to be greeted with the sight of his beloved Celty. "Hey, are you―" he started, but lost his voice when he saw her wrap herself in a cocoon of her own pitch black smoke. "Celty...?" he said weakly as he approached the black mass, a surprised yelp escaping his lips when he ended up getting pulled inside, his beloved pulling him into a hug and clinging to him as though he was her lifeline. "I'm sorry for snapping at you today," he said as he ran his hand up and down her back. He knew she was crying, because her whole body was trembling in his arms, her clenched into fists hands clinging to the back of his white lab coat.

She wanted to tell him that it was not his fault, that she now understood why he never told her, but she couldn't get her body to react. All she could do was cling to him; cling to the man who loved her enough to hide the truth from her in order to not hurt her, even if that meant she would be mad at him. It all made sense now, Shinra being protective of Izaya, as well as that hatred and rage he expressed in regard to Shizuo. She knew something bad must've happened to make him react that way, something terrible enough to affect the usual passive Kishitani Shinra, but she never thought that Shizuo could take things that far. It was hard to believe that Shizuo would rape the Informant, but she knew that Izaya was not lying because of the incident she had witness earlier that day. She clearly remembered Shizuo saying how everything was his fault, and how he deserved to die, so for the man to go to such extreme measures meant that something really bad must've happened, something so horrendous to make him want to end his life.

She also never expected to feel sorry for Izaya, but she did. Those words he spoke in that broken, defeated tone, as well as those pained eyes and barely restrained tears had sliced into her heart as though they were sharp knives. It was a horrible situation in which Shinra ended up losing one of the two most important connections he had made with humans, and Celty had no idea how to make him feel better. There was also Shizuo, the man she always thought of as her best friend, and he was suffering too, she was certain of it. Truth be told, she felt sorry for all three of them. She held onto Shinra tighter, wishing that all of it was a bad dream from which she would soon wake up, but she knew it was real, and that broke her heart into a million pieces. She wished she had the power to turn back time, but she didn't possess such a skill, so instead she clung to Shinra tighter, drowning into the warmth of his body and the comfort of his embrace.

"I hope you will forgive me one day," he said, his voice sorrowful, almost pleading, but at the same time loving and hopeful.

Celty unclenched one hand and gently rubbed his back, hoping that her gesture would convey her feelings inside the darkness of the cocoon.

"Thank you," he said, and with those two simple words she knew that he understood her better than anyone in the world. She remembered Izaya's words: "Shinra loves you," and she knew them to be true. She was glad to have met Shinra, and lucky to have him in her life. _I think I love him too,_ she realized with some surprise, the thought bubbling from underneath the violent waves crashing into her jumbled thoughts.


	23. The Apparition

_**Chapter 23: The Apparition**_

_._

_So cold,_ Izaya thought dejectedly as he walked from the subway station back to his apartment. He knew that he should've taken a taxi, but he wasn't in a rush to get home, not when his formerly beloved sanctuary was now nothing more than a place where he spent so many sleepless nights, his mind plagued by nightmares as the memories of the pain and the fear Shizuo had inflicted upon him kept him twisting and turning in his bed. The beast had not only invaded his body, but his mind as well, and that's why he wanted to break him just as he himself had been broken. It took him a long time to get Slon interested in Kasuka, and yet, after so much time and effort spent, he hadn't been able to go through with it. Having Slon do to Kasuka the same thing that Shizuo had done to him would've been the perfect way to break the beast once and for all, but sadly, he ended up ruining his own plan.

Izaya hadn't know the meaning of the word _fear_ until that fateful night, at least not in the same sense that most people would describe it. Whenever the beast used to chase him around Ikebukuro, what he felt was excitement. Most of the times he was careful to pull the strings from a safe distance, but sometimes he loved taking chances, and fighting a monster was always a risk, the possibility of ending up with more than a broken limb being very high. While it was fun to send people after Shizuo and watch as the beast wiped the floor with his opponents, there was just something fascinating about seeing up close how that scowling expression would morph into one of pure rage. Izaya knew that no one could, and would not rile the beast as much as he did, because Shizuo was not someone to be played with, which is why most people didn't even dare entertain such thoughts, but he was Orihara Izaya, and fighting a beast like Heiwajima Shizuo only served to prove how superior he was when compared to the rest of humanity. It really came as no surprise when he heard that he was considered to be one of Ikebukuro's strongest, because he was, after all, one of the few people who could stand up to Heiwajima Shizuo and walk away mostly unharmed. He had been wrong though, thinking that he wouldn't get hurt, and because of his mistake, he ended up paying a heavy price.

To think that he would feel pity for the beast's emotionless freak of a brother was ludicrous, shameful really. He felt like screaming for falling prey to such a pathetic human emotion, for failing to take the perfect revenge. The whole situation was infuriating, that was the only way he could describe it. _Stupid, weak, coward, former shadow of the great Orihara Izaya, how dare you take away the only thing that could've made everything go back to normal?_ He sighed and ran a hand through his now too long hair, realizing that he should probably get a haircut soon. At least he was close to his apartment, and there was nothing more that he wanted to do than to get some sleep, or at least try to anyway. Just lying in bed would be enough, his tired body in serious need of some rest.

It was long after midnight when he approached his apartment building, the sight of Kasuka still dressed in his clothes and sitting on the steps shocking him enough to make him stop in his tracks. His eyes narrowed in contempt, and he had to force himself to approach him. "Why are you here?" he hissed after he stopped in front of the beast's brother.

Kasuka didn't say anything. Instead, he put down the now empty plastic container of the pudding he had just finished eating, grabbed a paper bag from the plastic one he was holding around the arm with the broken wrist, and then moved to hand it over to Izaya.

Izaya's brows furrowed in confusion. "What―"

"Take it," Kasuka said, emphasizing his words with a flick of the wrist.

Izaya stared at it for a while before he scowled and finally grabbed it with more force than was necessary. "What is this?" he asked, cautiously turning the bag around.

"A bun," Kasuka answered, his voice as monotone as always.

"A bun..." Izaya repeated, dumbfounded, his eyes wide as he stared at Kasuka.

"Yes."

His eyes traveled to the bag again, and he opened it slowly, as though he was afraid that something would pop right out of it and bite his hand off, only to blink in astonishment when he really found a bun inside. Flabbergasted, he looked at Kasuka again. "Why are you giving me a bun?"

Kasuka finally raised his head, half-closed brown eyes meeting wide red-brown ones. "There was pudding too, but I got really hungry while waiting, so I ate it."

Izaya blinked some more. _What the―_ His eyes narrowed and he glared at Kasuka with outright suspicion, his lips quirking up in a manic smile. "You poisoned this, didn't you?"

Kasuka looked at him impassively before picking up the empty plastic container, putting it inside the plastic bag, and then getting up and looking Izaya straight in the eyes. "I'm not a murderer Orihara-san, but if you really must know why I gave you a bun, the answer is quite simple."

Izaya folded his arms in front of his chest, bag still hanging in his left hand. "Please, do tell."

"I thought you might be hungry, that's all."

"Why would you think that?" he asked, voice low and dangerous.

"Because I was too."

Izaya had to shake his head just to snap back to reality. Something so crazy was obviously not happening, which meant that he must've passed out somewhere between Ikebukuro and Shinjuku; it was the only reasonable explanation. He had to be dreaming, because there was no way in hell that Shizuo's brother would show up dressed in his clothes and offer him a bun. _No, not happening. I have to wake―_

"Orihara-san, are you all right?" Kasuka asked when he saw the Informant shaking his head and mumbling something unintelligible.

"Gah!" Izaya nearly screamed and took a step backwards, seriously starting to question his sanity. No matter how much he pinched himself or shook his head, Heiwajima Kasuka was still there, which only meant that he was, in fact, not dreaming. "Why are you here?!" he asked in an embarrassingly high-pitched tone.

"I'm here to talk," Kasuka said as he dusted himself off.

Izaya chuckled darkly, eyebrow twitching in annoyance. "Ah, so you're here to complain about how I almost got you raped."

"No," Kasuka said before he went to drop the bag into the nearest trash can. He wasn't surprised that Izaya was suspicious of him, but the man was clearly overreacting. He couldn't really blame him though, because as an Informant, it was Izaya's job to be suspicious of everyone and everything. Once he got rid of the trash, he went back and extended his hand.

Izaya glowered, angry at not only the beast's brother, but also at himself for being unable to read such an odd creature. "What?!" he snapped, his eyes boring holes into the pale, yet slightly bruised hand.

"If you don't want to eat it, give it back."

Izaya quirked an eyebrow. "It really is just a bun?"

Kasuka nodded.

"Prove it," Izaya challenged him, smirking dangerously as he pulled the bun out of the bag and handed half of it to the emotionless monster who kept staring at him as though everything was perfectly normal.

Kasuka took a bite out of it and chewed slowly, his eyes never leaving Izaya's face. "Orihara-san, did you really think that I had poisoned it?"

Izaya tried to keep a straight face, but it was hard to do so in front of such an emotionless freak, so instead he smiled sardonically. "Would it be so wrong of me to assume such a thing? I believe that you would go to any lengths to protect your brother, just as he would for you. Monsters really do stick together, don't they?" He was hoping that his comment would get a reaction out of Kasuka, but the only thing the emotionless creature did was stare at him indifferently while eating the bun. Izaya had never wanted to bash someone's head in as much as he wanted right at that moment. _How can he be so different from the beast?_

"Your turn," Kasuka said and waited to see what the other would do. He expected Izaya to be more composed, but the man was so easy to read that Kasuka had a hard time believing this was the same monster Shizuo kept complaining about for years.

Izaya stared at the bun, lips set into a thin smile. It was obviously a challenge, and Orihara Izaya was not one to back down when it came to one. If the bun had indeed been poisoned, Kasuka would've started showing signs, emotionless freak or not. No one would be able to stay indifferent in the face of death, especially when it came to poison, which was supposedly very painful, or at least that's what he'd heard. He made a mental note to seek information on different types of poison and their effects as soon as he had some free time. Unless, of course, the freak was planning to take both of them out with a type of poison with delayed effect. He gave that idea some thought before he dismissed it once he concluded that Kasuka's death would break the beast, which meant that the younger Heiwajima would not do such a thing if it meant hurting his brother, even if that meant losing the perfect chance to keep Shizuo safe from his nemesis. "You know, I dislike sweets," Izaya said, now slightly entertained by the whole situation. "Don't you find it amusing how the person I despise the most in the whole wide world loves them so much?"

"What do you like?" Kasuka asked. He could not comprehend how anyone could hate sweets.

"I prefer my food to taste bitter," Izaya said and bit into the bun, nose scrunched up in disgust. He unhappily chewed on it and then swallowed as though it had been the hardest thing he had to do in his entire life.

"I can't say I'm surprised," said Kasuka, completely unaffected by the glare thrown his way.

"What are you trying to say, Kasuka-_kun?"_

"People who love sweets tend to be more kind and agreeable towards others."

Izaya burst out into laughter, highly amused to hear the beast's brother talk about food. "Are you saying that you and your monstrous brother are kind and agreeable? Ahh ha ha ha! In that case, how would you describe a person who prefers bitter food?"

"Adventurous. Such a person enjoys taking risks. You ate the bun, didn't you?"

With a lazy smile on his face, Izaya wiped his hands together to get rid of any remnants of sugar that might've still clung to his fingers and turned his attention back to Kasuka. His taste buds might've not been happy at the choice of food, but his previously empty stomach was rejoicing. In fact, eating that half of bun made him realize just how hungry he really was. "Thank you for the food. Your gift was most gracious," he said and gave Kasuka a mock bow.

"You're welcome." Kasuka was not at all offended by the gesture. If Izaya thought that he could rile him up, the man was gravely mistaken.

"Oriharaaaaa-san! How are you?"

Izaya turned towards the newcomer, immediately recognizing the annoying voice as belonging to his drunkard rich neighbor. "Harada-san, how have you been?" he asked politely, trying not to scrunch his nose in disgust as the heavy smell of alcohol hit him hard.

"Good, good. Let me introduce you to... what is your name sweetheart?" Harada asked the woman who was accompanying him.

_A prostitute,_ thought Izaya.

"Violet," she said and winked at Kasuka.

_Of course._ "Nice to meet you! Now, if you don't mind, I have some things to take care of," Izaya said as he grabbed Kasuka by the arm to pull him inside the building, only to stop in his tracks when Harada reached out and grabbed Kasuka's broken wrist, a barely audible grunt being the only indication that the younger Heiwajima was in pain. _Ah, as much as I love to think of you as a monster, Kasuka-kun, just because you are Shizu-chan's brother, you are only human after all._ Kasuka couldn't break him in two as though it was nothing, nor could he grab the idiot who was hurting him and fling him all the way to the other side of the street.

"I think I'm seeing double―hic!"

"No, you're not, Harada-san, so how about you release my guest?" he said, his voice as sweet as ever, while his eyes were glaring daggers at the pathetic excuse for a human being that was his neighbor. He assumed the man must've sensed his murderous intent, because the drunkard released Kasuka and rushed inside the apartment building while laughing nervously and apologizing. He turned towards Kasuka, grabbed him by the forearm, and pulled up the coat's sleeve to inspect the damage. "Why haven't you gone to the hospital yet?"

"I haven't had the time." Between Izaya knocking him unconscious a second time, and Shizuo clinging to him as though he was afraid to let him go, the broken wrist had been the least of his worries. It took ages just to get Shizuo to fall asleep, and a while longer to actually get away without waking him up, retrieve the DVD that Izaya had sent him, and then sneak out of the apartment.

On the other hand, Izaya thought it was ironic how Slon ended up breaking Kasuka's right wrist just as Shizuo had broken his. He pulled back the sleeve and released him. "You wanted to talk, so follow me," he said and entered the apartment building, Kasuka immediately trailing after him. He ended up stopping though when his phone rang, his hand quickly flying to the pocket of his coat.

"Should I leave?"

"No, stay," Izaya said when he saw that Ran was the one calling him. He pressed the button and moved the phone to his ear.

_"I found him,"_ Ran said, smugness evident in his voice.

"In that case, congratulations are in order." He tried to sound casual, but his heart was wildly slamming itself against his rib cage.

_"It depends."_

"On what?"

_"On whether you wanted the guy dead or alive."_

"Alive, obviously. I had some information he requested, and because we've been working together for a while now, I wanted to help him."

Ran chuckled, as though he had just caught Izaya lying through his teeth. _"What you meant to say was that you wanted the Russian assassin to owe you one."_

Funny enough, Izaya was lying through his teeth, just not about the thing that Ran had assumed in his stupidity. "Guilty as charged."

_"Heh, I knew it, bastard. You never do anything for free."_

"You know me too well."

_"How did you know that he'd be in a hospital?"_

Izaya sighed in annoyance, as though the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "He wasn't answering his phone no matter how many times I called, so I figured that something must've gone wrong."

_"Well, he's dead."_

"I see. It's a shame, he was a skilled assassin. Can you get me a copy of the death certificate, just to make sure that it's him?"

_"You're fucking annoying, just so you know. I expect extra payment for wasting time on this shit."_

"You will have it as soon as you email me what I have requested."

_"Tch! Fine!" _Ran snapped and ended the call.

Izaya turned towards Kasuka once again. He was somewhat relieved that Slon was dead. He really didn't want to have an assassin seeking revenge on him, but at the same time he was unhappy about having killed one of his humans. "Slon is dead." He watched Kasuka to see how he'd react, but the emotionless freak gave no reaction whatsoever, so instead he turned around and walked towards the elevator, almost curious to hear what Heiwajima Kasuka had to say. Somehow, he had a feeling that it was going to be a very long night.


	24. Grisly Reminder

**Chapter 24: Grisly Reminder**

.

No matter how long he contemplated, Izaya could not comprehend why Kasuka would seek out the man who had attempted to hurt him in such a dreadful manner. He watched as his guest took off the coat and sat down on the couch, completely at ease as though he couldn't even envision the idea that his host could harm him if he so wished. Kasuka seemed to be just as unpredictable as his brother, and Izaya hated that because he didn't know how to react to the unforeseeable words and actions of the two Heiwajimas. Orihara Izaya was supposed to be the strategist, the puppeteer who dwelt in the shadows and who sometimes set the stage and hid behind the curtain from where he could glimpse at the play as the events unfolded in such a way that would either benefit or entertain him. He was supposed to foresee what was most likely to happen by predicting the moves ahead of time, yet he couldn't do the same when it came to Shizuo, which was why he had attempted to hurl him onto the chessboard by using Kasuka. Unfortunately, he himself had been the one to cut the play short, and now, because of his own foolishness, he was stuck having to deal with yet another unpredictable element.

He glimpsed at Kasuka's back as he placed his own coat on the office chair and then walked to the coach and sat down as well. It was a strange sight to see Hanejima Yuuhei wearing his clothes, all bruised up and injured. Kasuka always looked so flawless on TV, which was probably the main reason why his sisters were so obsessed with him, but the Kasuka before him looked terrible, the split lip and the bruises on his jaw and neck from where Slon had punched and held him down, almost making him unrecognizable. _Did it have to be the right wrist too,_ he thought dejectedly, suddenly feeling really annoyed that Kasuka was wearing his clothes because it reminded him so much of the broken and bleeding Izaya from back then. "You know, Kasuka-kun, I'm still intrigued by the fact that you haven't changed your clothes yet."

"Just Kasuka is enough, Orihara-san."

"In that case, call me Izaya."

Kasuka nodded, his eyes drifting over to the table where a combination of Chess, Othello, and Shogi pieces were set on a Japanese Go board.

"Interested?" Izaya inquired, smirking, his eyes glowing in amusement. He always found it entertaining to watch people trying to figure out what he was trying to do with such a weird combination of pieces.

Kasuka nodded, his eyes scanning the board and analyzing each piece in order to find its true meaning and purpose.

"Don't bother trying to figure out how it's played. The rules I play by are beyond normal humans."

Kasuka's attention turned back to Izaya, the Informant's sardonic smile a clear indication that he was looking down on him. _Is this how you look at my brother each time you see him?_ Knowing Shizuo, there really was no wonder that the blond would try to wipe that annoying smirk off the man's face with a punch, a trash can, a stop sign or a vending machine. Unfortunately for Izaya, such attitude had zero effect on him. He looked at the board again, and then back at Izaya. "I was more interested in knowing which piece is supposed to represent me."

Izaya's eyes widened in disbelief, the emotionless freak succeeding in surprising him yet again. "That's an interesting interpretation. Care to explain how you've reached such a conclusion?"

Kasuka stared blankly at him. "Maybe another time. Right now I'd prefer to talk about something else."

Red eyes narrowed dangerously, and he barely succeeded in hiding his annoyance. "As you wish," he finally said and shrugged, trying to play it cool. "Let's cut straight to the subject. Why are you here?"

There were many reasons as to why Kasuka was there, and none of them was less important than the other, but he had to start from somewhere, so after some thinking, he decided to start with the most logical choice. "I don't like to judge a person based on rumors alone, so I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt," he said, hoping to get to know the man that Shizuo hated enough to go to such terrifying lengths in order to make him suffer.

"You're willing... to give me... the benefit of the doubt," Izaya spoke slowly before he burst into laughter, the Heiwajima brat's answer making him laugh so hard that his side hurt. "Ahh ha ha ha!"

Kasuka continued to stare impassively. "Yes." He wasn't expecting his answer to provoke such a reaction, so he was slightly surprised by the outburst. The Informant truly was a strange man.

Izaya laughed for a long time. That was the only way he could react to his guest's sheer audacity to assume that he would ever care about his opinion. "I undoubtedly believe that you have misunderstood something. I do not, nor have I ever cared what people think of me," he said and threw Kasuka a disgusted look. "Especially the beast's brother."

Kasuka felt something, which didn't happen very often, but he guessed that it was a sliver of annoyance, because here he was, trying to get to know Izaya a bit better, yet all the man did was mock him. "Does lying to yourself help you sleep better at night?" he asked in the same monotone voice, Izaya's thin smile an obvious sign that he had struck a nerve.

"As a matter of fact, I do sleep better at night now that the wounds your brother had inflicted on my body have mostly healed." He was hoping that Kasuka would at least wince at the confession, but the monster looked unaffected, as though he was doing it on purpose just to spite him. "If I cared about what people thought of me, I would be a much nicer person, don't you agree? And let's be honest here, I'm anything but nice. You should know that better than anyone, especially after today." His lips quirked upwards into a sadistic smile, his eyes roaming over the bruises adorning the previously unmarred skin. _Shizu-chan must've suffered a lot when he saw your beaten body._

Kasuka knew that Izaya was no saint, but neither was he the demon his brother made him out to be. "We will get to that a bit later," he said, clearly dismissing Izaya's attempt to change the topic. "I know for a fact that you care what people think of you." Of course Izaya cared, he had witnessed it with his own eyes.

Izaya's pulse sped up when he realized what Kasuka was talking about, but he refused to look affected. His hands balled into fists and he smiled, a brittle smile that could not conceal the barely suppressed anger he felt bubbling inside of him. The fact that he was feeling faint from the lack of food, dehydration and the injuries he had received earlier that day, certainly did not help.

Kasuka immediately noticed Izaya's stiff posture. "If you didn't care, you would've let me call an ambulance that night."

Izaya's blood ran cold. "Shut up," he said weakly, his voice barely loud enough for Kasuka to hear, his previously tightly-clenched fists slackening, the fury he had felt until then being replaced by unadulterated shame.

"If you didn't care what people thought of you, you would've reported my brother to the police," Kasuka continued, noticing how the man's previous pale complexion turn even paler, "but you didn't, because you were ashamed, because you didn't want people to know that you had been raped." He knew that he should stop, but flashbacks of Shizuo trying to thrust that knife into his heart kept appearing into his mind.

Izaya's expression froze into one of utter mortification, and he was overcome with nausea, the queasiness burning through the pit of his stomach making him feel a thousand times worse than before. "Shut up," he said again, this time a bit louder. _Who in their right mind would want others to know?_ It had taken all of his courage just to tell Celty.

"And as though that wasn't bad enough, the one who raped you had been none other than your most hated enemy." He carefully watched Izaya, his brown eyes not missing the barely visible tremor running through the Informant's body.

"Shut up!" Izaya repeated, his voice more of a plea than a command. Jaw stiffening, he looked away. _Just stop it please..._ He could already imagine the stares, the words being whispered behind his back about how he deserved it, about how the beast did a good job in teaching him his place. He loved his humans, yet they would most likely rejoice at the news of his suffering. His humans hated him. _They can nev―_

"It must've hurt a lot, didn't it? Your thighs were stained red after all," said Kasuka, even though he knew that he shouldn't have. He couldn't help himself, not when a part of him wanted to badly hurt Izaya for all the bad things the man had done to Shizuo and more recently to him.

**"SHUT UP!"**Izaya shouted in a loud piercing cry before he grabbed the switchblade he held inside the pocket of his pants and threw himself at the monster who dared to remind him of the things he badly wished to erase from his memory. He could feel his previously frozen blood melt and start to boil in his veins, and he yanked Kasuka's head back with a trembling hand, slender fingers tightly clenching in black silky hair, sharp blade digging into the bruised throat. **" . ,"** he hissed, emphasizing each word with a tug on that black hair that was as silky as his own used to be before he ended up neglecting his forever tainted body because he couldn't even stand to look at it without feeling shame and disgust. He raised one knee and placed it on the couch for better leverage, effectively trapping the bastard who dared to mention his blood-stained thighs in such an emotionless tone when all he could remember was the fear, the helplessness and the horror of it all.

Kasuka stood there motionless, not even bothering to fight back, knowing full well that he had gone too far. "I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry. Remembering that day must be very painful for you."

Izaya's already furious expression turned wild, and he dug the blade deeper into the bruised throat, watching as the blood started to stream from the not so small cut. "SHUT UP! I don't need your pity!" he snarled, his red eyes burning with both hatred and fury. He knew that he was slipping, and that he needed to compose himself, but it was hard to do so when all he wanted to do was to brutally murder the creature before him. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, at the same time realizing that he needed to switch the focus of the conversation before he really ended up losing it and killing the freak. He remember Kasuka's brief look of disgust when Slon had kissed him, and he hoped that he could use that to get the little monster to react in some way. He refused to be the only one to lose control. "You're the pitiful one for having to grow up with such a monster," he said and tugged at the raven locks trapped between his fingers. "It must've been really hard on you."

"He's not a monster," Kasuka said while ignoring Izaya's conceited look.

Izaya sneered and wrenched the freak's hair, trying to inflict as much pain as possible, just like the beast had done to him that night in the alley. "Tell me, does pretending to not have any emotions help you sleep better at night?"

"I'm not pretending," Kasuka said flatly, the only sign of discomfort he showed at having his hair harshly pulled being the tension he felt in his jaw.

"Maa, maa, we both know that you're lying," said Izaya in a malicious tone while smacking the flat edge of the bloody blade against Kasuka's cheek. "I think that you were so scared of your brother, that you preferred to not react in any way just to avoid getting beat up by him."

"That's not what happened."

Izaya dragged the blade down the bruised jaw and back to the bloody throat. "You've been pretending for so long that you can only express yourself through acting now. Either that, or you're still scared of Shizuo. Which one is it, hmmm?"

"Neither is true."

Izaya softly tutted. "I told you that you can't lie to me, not after I've seen that look of disgust cross your face when Slon kissed you." Not that he could blame him of course, but it was proof that Kasuka could feel, even though what he felt that time had only been pain and disgust.

Kasuka watched him carefully, trying to figure out if the man was naive enough to really believe that he was lying. Apparently, he was, if the smug look on his face was any indication. Orihara Izaya couldn't have been more wrong. "Disgust is merely a natural reaction, nothing more, nothing less," he finally said, even though he knew that the man would hate his truthful answer.

"Just answer my question!" he hissed. "Are you, or are you not, scared of Shizuo?"

Kasuka nearly sighed, tired of being asked the same question that Shizuo has asked him on numerous occasions before. _Why is it so hard to believe that he doesn't scare me?_ "I've never been scared of him," he said, confident brown eyes gazing straight into Izaya's red ones.

Izaya's fingers clenched in Kasuka's hair and he pulled at it sharply, a low grunt being his only reward. **"Liar!"**

Had this been a scene from one of his movies, Kasuka would've rolled his eyes, but it wasn't, so there was no need for him to act. "I can't tell you something that isn't true, no matter how badly you want it to be." _What will it take to make him understand?_

"I bet you're still wearing my clothes because you also wanted to see him suffer, because you really hate him for turning you into this emotionless freak. Ne, ne, tell me, was it fun to see him cry? Ahh, it was so entertaining to hear his sobs over the phone!" said Izaya, eyes staring into space as he remember his conversation with Shizuo. His plan had failed, but at least he had the pleasure of hearing the beast cry. A delightful shiver ran down his spine. _What a beautiful sound it was!_

Kasuka watched him impassively, but he figured that the man deserved an explanation, so he decided to answer the question. "I kept them on because you saved me, and even though you were the one who kidnapped me in the first place, I forgive you, because I understand why you did it. I believe we are even now."

"Even?! Ahh ha ha ha! We'll never be even!" Izaya hissed, his voice dripping venom. "You might've saved me that night, but by doing so you kept your brother from going to jail." He leaned in closer until his cracked lips were hovering next to Kasuka's ear. "There would've been enough evidence to send him to jail for the rest of his life. Shizu-chan really is a protozoan for leaving me there to die after..." and here he took a pause to swallow the lump in his throat before continuing in a shaky voice, "after he c-came inside m-me." He inwardly cursed, hating himself for letting it show just how affected he still was even after so much time.

"Shizuo can't think rationally once he succumbs to his rage." _Just like that time at the bakery store._ Shizuo ended up hurting not only the thugs, but also the woman he was trying to save. Kasuka closed his eyes, Shizuo's pained expression and the guilt eating at him the second he regained his composure forever being ingrained into his memory. It was one of the many similar unfortunate events he had witnessed over the years, and he knew that his brother was most likely still blaming himself for each and every one of them.

"Tch! That's a pathetic excuse! Yes, I kidnapped you, and then I saved you, so we could say that we are even, but are you trying to say that you wearing my clothes equates to the suffering I felt while getting brutally raped by that monster? No, Kasuka, that's not even close."

"You used me to deceive my brother, and by doing so you taught him despair. That should be enough." He partially blamed himself for what happened to Shizuo, his brother almost losing his life because of his own foolishness and overconfidence when he'd followed the Informant earlier that day.

Izaya's jaw clenched, teeth grinding hard against each other. The freak's audacity was unbelievable. "I'm not done with him," he threatened, his features twisted into a crazed expression.

"You are done."

"No, I'm not." He was so angry that he was almost seeing red, and that wasn't helping, because the impulse to plunge the switchblade into Kasuka's throat kept growing stronger by the second.

"You are," Kasuka said, his half-closed eyes narrowing fractionally.

Izaya leaned in closer until their noses were almost touching. "You're either extremely brave, or extremely stupid, coming into my house after everything that happened and expecting to leave this place alive. I could slit your throat right now, and then gift wrap your corpse and send it to your brother."

"I advise against it," Kasuka said, already having considered the possibility.

Izaya scoffed. "And why should I listen to you, hmm?"

"Because if anything happens to me, you will be the prime suspect; I made sure of it. I doubt that even you could get away with murdering Hanejima Yuuhei."

Izaya's eyes narrowed into slits. "What did you do?"

"I simply made sure that the DVD you sent to Shizuo got into the right hands," Kasuka said matter-of-factly.

Izaya's previously annoyed expression morphed into one of pure rage, and he dug the blade deeper into Kasuka's throat, more blood starting to seep from the cut. Now that he was seeing Kasuka up close, he couldn't help but notice how the freak looked so much like Shizuo, and that only served to piss him off even more. They both had the same jawline, and even though their eyes were slightly different, Izaya was sure that if Kasuka dyed his hair blonde and schooled his expression into a scowl, he would be Shizuo's spitting image. _Disgusting._ His red eyes glowed dangerously, and his lips began to tilt upwards in a maniacal grin as he began slicing the skin, starting from the cut on the throat and going up towards the jawline. "Perhaps I should destroy this pretty face of yours, so that you won't be the Hanejima Yuuhei that people seem to love so much."

"The―" Kasuka started, but stopped and waited for Izaya to ease up on the slicing so that he could talk. "I will tell you the truth."

Izaya chuckled darkly and pressed the flat edge of the blade against Kasuka's jaw, smearing blood on the purple bruises. "I knew you'd see it my way."

"The truth is that sometimes people are exactly what they seem," said Kasuka and grabbed Izaya's wrist to pull the knife away from his face, his opponent barely having enough time to react before he knocked their heads together hard enough to momentarily stun him.

Izaya's vision turned black from the impact, his already weak body unable to recover in time and stop Kasuka from yanking the switchblade out of his hand.

Kasuka elbowed him in the face with all the strength he could muster, the action followed by a well-placed kick to the stomach which sent his opponent flying over the black coffee table placed in front of the corner couch.

A shrill ripped from Izaya's throat as he fell on the Go board, the Chess pieces painfully digging into his back. He tried to get up, but Kasuka was already on him, the man crushing his right hand between a knee and the table, while his own switchblade, now in enemy hands, was being pressed into his throat. Kasuka's strength was nowhere near Shizuo's, but the blows he'd received still left his head reeling. He could hear his own labored breathing, the sound of it so loud in his ears that it was almost deafening. He moaned in pain and forced one eye open, his heartbeat immediately quickening when the gravity of the situation he was in finally dawned on him.

Kasuka watched him for a few moments with cold eyes before he hunched lower until his lips were beside Izaya's ear, his hot breath making the Informant shudder. "The truth is that I'm more of a monster than you and Shizuo will ever be."


	25. Scorpion Flower

**Chapter 25: Scorpion Flower**

.

Izaya barely succeeded in suppressing a whimper, the whole situation too familiar for comfort. He flinched when that silky brown hair touched his face as the freak moved away from his ear, and he simply could not stand the way in which the man looked at him with those empty eyes that reminded him so much of dead fish eyes. His free hand twitched, the desperate need to just get away from there incinerating him like wildfire, but he didn't dare move, not when the beast's brother could easily snuff his life as though it was nothing. He didn't want to die. He didn't care how much he'd suffer if he kept on living, or whether he'd go to hell for all the bad things he'd done over the years, because even an eternity of suffering was worth knowing that he would still exist. _Liar,_ said a voice from a deep and dark corner of his mind, _how can you still say that after you've known despair?_ Flashbacks of that night slammed into his mind with brutal force, and he knew that he couldn't go through something like that again no matter how much he liked to believe that he could endure any kind of suffering. _Not again. Not again. Never again!_ Overcome with nausea, his vision flickered, and an intense shudder, something akin to terror, ran down his spine. "D-don't..." he said brokenly, his quivering voice giving away the fear he felt seeping through his veins.

Kasuka's eyes widened and he felt a pang in his chest, something that he had never felt with such intensity for anyone in his life besides Shizuo. _No. No!_ "NO! I would nev―" he started, finally realizing what he was doing to Izaya. He removed the switchblade from the pale throat, and then dropped it into the pocket of his pants before grabbing Izaya by the t-shirt and pulling him up, the Informant's eyelids fluttering open as his boneless body was hauled up from on top of the table and dropped onto the couch. Kasuka pushed away the Go Board and the different pieces scattered all over the table and sat down in front of Izaya, giving the man a few moments to recover from the shock. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again. It was always so easy for him to forget that others weren't as emotionally numb as he was and that something which wouldn't normally affect him could very well be devastating for someone else. "I didn't mean to― I didn't think you'd see it that way."

Izaya took a few more sharp intakes of breath before finally calming down enough to be able to speak. He raised a shaky hand to his face and felt warm liquid seeping from his nose, the coppery taste of blood in his mouth serving as proof that Kasuka had hit him really hard. His laugh came out rather pathetic, but he didn't care, not when his whole body was still thrumming with fear. "What― happened?"

"You wanted to know the truth," he said, realizing in hindsight that he shouldn't have hit him so hard.

Izaya straightened his back with some effort and raised his head to stare at Kasuka. The thing before him was a monster, and not just because he always looked emotionless, but even so, the aforementioned monster knew when to stop, unlike the brute that was his brother. "That's not what I meant."

"I know. You must be surprised," said Kasuka and lowered his head, eyes fixed on the bloody hand he used to wipe away the crimson liquid flowing down his neck.

Izaya nodded. "I know you do your own stunts, but those moves... how...?" Kasuka's attacks had been precise, which meant that he knew exactly what he was doing.

Kasuka stared impassively at his hand, the blood smeared all over his palm bringing back memories of a time when seeing his own blood was not that unusual. "Shizuo made many enemies as we grew up, and some of the people he beat up couldn't let it go, so they came after me." He always associated those memories with physical pain, but that was it, because he couldn't remember ever feeling fear during any of those encounters with his brother's enemies.

Izaya's mouth fell open, unable to hide his shock at hearing Kasuka's confession, but at the same time it made perfect sense, because he knew that humans were petty enough to go after someone weaker when they couldn't bring down the one they really wanted to destroy. He cringed, realizing that he had done the same thing as those pathetic creatures. _No, it wasn't the same, I wanted to break Shizuo... it was the only way._ It wouldn't have been impossible to find a way to physically hurt the beast, but what he wanted was to inflict emotional pain, which is why he had decided to use Kasuka in the first place. He was curious about one thing though. "Does he know any of this?"

"I never told him. The more I got attacked, the better I became at fighting, and after a while, they gave up when they realized that I was no easy prey." He could still clearly remember their unadulterated rage each time they beat him up, and instead of the crying and begging they were hoping to get, all they received in return was silence. He had screamed out in pain a few times, a natural response to intense physical agony, but that had been the most those cowards ever got from him. He wasn't calling them cowards because they were too scared to face Shizuo, but because they always ganged up on him. They knew he didn't possess Shizuo's strength, yet they were still too scared to face him alone.

Izaya's eyes roamed Kasuka's hunched formed. The freak was not weak at all, and that somehow explained how he was able to hit Slon so many times before the assassin finally succeeded in immobilizing him. "Still, how come Shizuo never noticed?" He didn't remember ever hearing about the brute going around town beating up people for hurting his precious little brother.

"I always warned them not touch my face if they didn't want my brother to find out, and because they were cowards, they listened to my request most of the times." It didn't always work though, so the few times he ended up with a bloody nose or a purple eye he told his parents that he was mugged by older kids, and no matter how much Shizuo asked him to describe his assailants, Kasuka pretended to not remember how they looked like. The bruises on his body were never a problem to hide, and even though it often hurt for days on end, he could easily ignore the pain and keep a straight face in front of his family.

_Oh... that explains it,_ thought Izaya. No matter how much he cut into his throat, Kasuka didn't move a muscle, but the second he threatened to cut up his face, the freak ended up losing it and attacking him. It made sense that those many years of physical abuse at the hands of the people who hated Shizuo―but didn't dare fight him fair and square―took a toll on Kasuka. Perhaps some of those idiots he sent after Shizuo back when they were still in high school ended up taking revenge on Kasuka because they couldn't bring down Ikebukuro's beast. He couldn't understand how the protozoan never noticed though. _Has the idiot always been this blind?_"You should've done something about it."

"Like what? Never go out again?"

Izaya thought he could hear bitterness in Kasuka's voice, but he couldn't be sure. It still made no sense that he'd keep quiet about something so serious. "Why didn't you ever tell him?"

_Why? The answer is so simple, but you will most likely never understand,_ he thought as he raised his head and looked Izaya in the eyes. "I didn't want him to blame himself for what was happening to me. I couldn't risk it. What if he ended up killing someone because of me?"

"That would've been his fault alone."

Kasuka shook his head. "I often blame myself for the way he turned out, because my lack of reaction in general annoyed him more than anything else in the world. You said that I was pretending to be emotionless in order to not provoke him, but you were wrong, because the first time he lifted the fridge and tried to hurl it at me for eating his pudding, I didn't even blink. I believe it was my indifferent attitude in general which drove him to start lifting heavy objects and threaten me with them just to get me to react."

Izaya could hardly believe what he was hearing. When humans sense danger, they try to run away, yet _**this thing**_ in front of him didn't even seem to understand the concept of fear very well. It was like it had no sense of self-preservation. Something was very wrong with Kasuka, of that he was certain. _Fascinating._

Kasuka had never told anyone the truth. He wanted to be human, but at the same time he wasn't certain that he could deal with all the emotions that came with it. He ended up torturing Izaya just because he didn't know how to deal with the fear he experienced when he realized that he could've lost Shizuo forever, and that made him wonder just how much worse he would react if he was to drown in a sea of emotions. "Izaya."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry for the way I acted today, but after what you tried doing to me, and the knowledge that you tried to get my brother killed before, I couldn't stop myself from saying those hurtful words."

Izaya scoffed. "The words of a creature as empty as you mean nothing to me." _How can someone who doesn't fell anything be sorry?_

"My apology may not mean much to you, because this regret I fell―as well as everything else―feels weak, like it's been diluted, but it's still there."

Izaya's brows furrowed in confusion. "I don't understand."

Kasuka stared ahead for a while, trying to find a better explanation. Focusing his attention back to the man before him, he tried again. "I don't feel things like most people do, because these normal human emotions that you take for granted feel much lower in intensity in a person such as myself. If, and when, I feel something, the emotion is very weak."

Izaya blinked a few times, his brain still trying to process the freak's explanation. It was almost amusing in a sick, twisted way, how the two brothers were both monsters and yet complete opposites. They both kept blaming themselves for the way the other turned out, but the way Izaya saw it, it was just nature's way of saying, _"Screw you!"_ to humanity. They were an anomaly, and he finally understood why he could love all of humanity but not Heiwajima Shizuo. The beast was a mistake, and so was his brother. I'm _too tired to think about something like this right now._

"That's not all," Kasuka continued. "I wasn't being completely honest when I said that I forgave you for what happened today. I was confident in my ability to defend myself against you if I needed to, but you injected me with something, and whatever that was, it left me weak. I couldn't fight off that man, and it was frustrating."

"Apology not accepted," Izaya finally said, arms folded over his chest, eyes glaring daggers at him.

Kasuka felt that same twinge of something in his chest again. "I understand."

"What do you want from me?" He was too tired, and he wanted to crawl into bed and hopefully pass out from physical exhaustion.

_That's a good question,_ thought Kasuka and tried to phrase his request in such a way that would not upset Izaya too much. "I want you to try to get to know my brother before you decide whether you want to continue with your revenge or not."

Izaya's features twisted in anger. "I'll never forgive him for what he did."

"I'm not asking you to, but he now knows that what he did was wrong." Kasuka knew that what Shizuo had done was unforgivable, but he didn't believe that his brother deserved to die for it. _What I did today was unforgivable too._

Izaya laughed bitterly. "You're too naive. Shizu-chan is probably looking for me as we speak."

"No, because he doesn't blame you for this."

Izaya's eyes widened momentarily before narrowing into slits, his hateful glare burning holes into Kasuka. "He blames me for everything. He always has."

Kasuka knew that Izaya was right in that aspect, but for the first time in his life, Shizuo didn't blame the Informant, because he knew that his actions had been the ones to push Izaya to take such extreme measures in order to take revenge. Kasuka didn't know exactly what happened while he was unconscious, but he still couldn't believe that Shizuo would not try to murder Izaya after what he had done. The old Shizuo would've lost himself to his rage, but the Shizuo from earlier that day had been someone he hardly recognized. He couldn't remember ever seeing him act like that, and he found the whole thing to be extremely unusual. Kasuka could go as far as to call it progress. "No, not this time. He even asked me if I don't mind him not punishing you for what you have done today."

Izaya shook his head in denial. "He would never say that." Shizuo was a monster, and he would certainly come looking for him no matter what, because he was nothing more than a mindless beast who acted on its impulses, which in this case happened to be his desire to brutally murder the one who'd hurt his precious little brother.

"Yet he did." Kasuka understood why Izaya found it hard to believe, but it was true.

Izaya's hands balled into fists. "NO!" He allowed his body to slump on the couch, feeling completely exhausted._ He would never say that..._

"I still don't understand why he snapped that day," Kasuka confessed. "I know that you sent gangs after him, that you pinned crimes on him, that you made him lose his job on multiple occasions, and even went as far as to get him shot, yet he never did anything else besides chasing you around and screaming about how he was going to kill you."

Izaya frowned. "I didn't do anything. I was just taking a stroll through Ikebukuro when a vending machine hit me out of nowhere. Now that you mention it, he was acting weird that time, more so than usual." He clearly remembered how annoyed he felt when Shizuo kept being an asshole to him, even though he hadn't done anything bad in weeks. "You know, he never caught me before, no matter how hard he tried. I shouldn't have underestimated him. Usually he gives up after a while, but that evening he kept chasing me for a long time, like he was decided to catch me no matter what. I have no idea what happened that day to make him hate me so much more than usual."

"I―" Kasuka said weakly, his previously emotionless expression turning into something more human. "I think," he said, tilting his head and looking at Izaya with wide, slightly pained eyes, "I think it might've been my fault."

Izaya's body stiffened, brows furrowed in confusion, nails digging painfully into his arms. "What do you mean?"

"I sent him some clothes that day, and a suit, letting him know through a letter that I was aware about him losing his job at the bar. I wrote: 'These should be of more help to you now that you lost your job at the bar. Love, Kasuka.' It sounds cold, doesn't it? I'm a horrible brother."

Izaya's jaw stiffened and he needed a few moments to find his voice. "That's stupid, blaming yourself for what he did…"

"I'm sorry," Kasuka said, weakly, that pain in his chest returning with higher intensity.

"You might be a monster, but at least you didn't do anything today besides being a complete ass. Your brother on the other hand is a different story." Izaya let his arms fall by his sides, both his mind and body completely exhausted after such a long and painful day. "I need sleep."

Kasuka got up, picked up the coat and slipped into it, trying to ignore the blood seeping down his chest. "You're both so painfully human," he said, just before he turned around and started walking towards the door.

"Wait!" Izaya asked and pushed himself off the couch, slowly making his way towards the emotionless freak. "Even if it's you, this might hurt," he said just before he punched Kasuka in the face with all the strength he could muster.

Kasuka staggered backwards, blood already starting to flow down his chin before he leaned forward, trying to curl in on himself because of the pain overriding his senses, the coppery taste of blood in his mouth proof that the inside of his upper lip got nicked when it got smashed into his front teeth.

"Ugh!" Izaya cried out loud, his fist hurting so much that he could barely move it after using so much strength to punch the bastard in the face. "I'm not sorry," he said and flexed his fingers to confirm that none was broken.

Kasuka raised his broken hand to try to stop the blood flowing out of his broken nose with the fur on the coat's sleeve, but he stopped mid-way, Izaya's glare making him give up on that thought. He lowered his hand and used the other one to stop some of the blood from flowing out of his nose and onto Izaya's floor, but it was no use, so he slowly straightened his back, the blood now cascading down his face and throat. He was not used to getting hit in the face, and he blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the blurriness in his eyes. "You punch harder than Slon," he said as soon as he was able to find his voice.

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"I think I might need reconstructive surgery."

"If that's the case, I believe we might be even."

"Then I hope I'll need that surgery," Kasuka said before he turned around and walked out of the apartment.

_Ah, Kasuka, things might be exactly what they seem sometimes, but most of the times they aren't, _thought Izaya as he watched him leave. _Besides, Shizu-chan is not sorry... he could never be sorry._


	26. Parabola

**Chapter 26: Parabola**

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Izaya staggered to the door in order to lock it before he headed back to the couch, a malevolent expression surfacing the moment he was once again alone inside his apartment. He felt physically exhausted, but he was also sick and tired of acting nice and forgiving in front of the freak when all he had wanted to do in reality was to get the biggest kitchen knife he could find and slit Kasuka's throat as payment for humiliating him like that. That would've been counter-productive though, because he was an Informant, and information was always something he liked to have, so if listening to Kasuka's life story meant that he would get something to break either the freak or the beast, he would gladly go through it over and over again, a thousand times if need be.

He knelt in front of the table and proceeded to pick up the Chess, Othello and Shogi pieces scattered all over the floor. His fingers tightened around the Knight piece and his jaw clenched, fury racing through his entire being at his own monumental stupidity. He shouldn't have taken on the role of the Knight to save Kasuka. He was supposed to be the strategist, the man behind the game, not just a simple piece on the board, yet he ended up turning into one to save **a thing** that didn't even deserve saving. _How could I kill one of my precious humans for something as monstrous as Kasuka?_ He hated himself for making such a stupid mistake, for interrupting Slon from fucking the goddamn freak into the ground until he bled just as he himself had bleed because of Shizuo. Kasuka would've probably not even cared, so Izaya knew that he had wasted a perfectly good opportunity to destroy Shizuo. The beast would've certainly blamed himself, at least to some extent, and it would've been really hard for him to go on living with such guilt weighing on him._ I should've never taken pity on Kasuka._ Enraged, he threw the Knight piece into the nearest wall before he slumped against the table, a humorless laugh slipping past his lips. _I'm going to destroy them both, I'm going to crush them, I'm going to make the Heiwajima brothers regret ever messing with Orihara Izaya... I'm going to... I'm go― ugh... so tired,_ he thought and closed his eyes to rest them for a bit, only to fall asleep there, on the floor of his living room, with his back against the table.

That night he dreamed of a time when he was a still a god, a powerful god who watched over his people; of a time when thinking about the beast didn't make his body thrum with both fear and rage. Back then Shizuo was nothing more than a nuisance, an annoying dog which kept barking at everyone and everything at the slightest provocation, an animal that Izaya sometimes found to be amusing, but then his dream shifted and he was back in that filthy alley, his whole being overwhelmed with terror as Shizuo showed him just how easily he could break.

"―ke up."

_Huh?_

"Wake up already!"

Izaya cracked open an eye. "Na…mie?"

The woman rolled her eyes. "Who else? It's not like you have any friends."

Izaya pouted, her painfully honest answer striking a nerve. "Be that as it may, I still have you, the most caring and loving secretary one could ever hope for," he said in a sarcastic manner, his humorless laugh obviously pissing her off.

"Ok, that's it, I'm tired of this pathetic you," she said before grabbing his arm and hauling him up. There was only so much she could take before snapping and punching the bastard in the face.

Izaya felt a bit offended by her remark, but he refused to show it. "Ne, ne, Namie-san, do you think it's wise to insult your boss?" There weren't many people who treated their bosses the way she did, but Izaya didn't really mind. He was used to her insufferable attitude, and it brought some normality to his screwed up life.

She kept her mouth shut, not deigning him worthy of an answer. Instead, she dragged him up the stairs against all protests. Once there she opened the door to the bathroom and pushed him inside with more force than was necessary.

"Does Namie-san want to be the boss today?" he asked, slightly amused at the whole situation. He leaned against the wall, his entire body hurting from falling asleep on the floor. _Way to go Izaya._ He stared at the open door. "I wonder what is Namie-san doing in my room... I hope she's not getting any perverted thoughts from going through my drawers," he said out loud, knowing that Namie would surely hear him.

"Who the hell would do that?" she growled, glaring murder at him as she stomped into the bathroom, and then pushed some clothes into his face and waited for him to raise his arms in order to grab them. She was getting paid good money, and she refused to lose such a great job because Izaya was sitting around mopping all day long.

"Ah, did Namie-san go through my underwear drawer?" he said, amusement clear in his voice. _It must've been really awkward for her,_ he thought, and he had to struggle really hard to not burst into laughter.

Arms folded over her chest, she threw him the most disgusted look she could muster. "It was necessary."

Izaya chuckled as he set the clothes down. "I have such a loving secretary... I think I'm about to shed a few tears of joy," he said and wiped away a non-existing tear.

Namie just snorted and turned around. "You'd better be ready to work by the time you get out, because if I see you mopping around again, I swear that I'm going to murder you and take over your business. No one needs an useless Informant. Got it?"

Izaya raised a hand to his head and saluted. "Understood!"

"Tch, then get to it," she said just before she slammed the door hard enough to make both of them wince.

Izaya walked to the sink on unsteady legs, picked up a plastic cup and drank some much needed water. He put the cup down and glared at his reflection in the mirror. _I look terrible,_ he thought dejectedly. He turned on the faucet and let the bathtub fill with water while he gingerly took off his clothes and inspected Shinra's work, which looked like someone had hacked into his body before messily sewing it up. He was a wreck, those weeks of starving himself taking a tool on him. He was back to eating food again, but he knew that he was still too thin. The last time he checked his weight had been the day when he made the mistake of getting caught by Shizuo. After that, he couldn't even stand to look at his body anymore, not when all he could see where the bruises covering his once flawless skin. He shuddered and shook his head. _The bruises he inflicted are long gone, _he told himself as he stared at his body for a while, trying to convince himself that they were truly gone. It took him a while to succeed, but it worked, so he finally stepped into the tub and sat down, a sigh slipping past his lips at the pleasant feeling of hot water on his cold skin, before he ended up cringing as the scorching liquid came in contact with his stitched up wound. _I should've put a waterproof bandage on Shinra's 'work of art'._

He allowed his head to drop on the edge of the tub before he closed his eyes and stayed like that for a while. Namie wasn't the only one tired of his pathetic self. He felt ashamed about the way he had reacted during his encounter with Kasuka, his already shattered pride turning to dust and getting swept away by the wind. _I can't let that happen again._

He opened his eyes, grabbed the soap and the sponge and proceeded to clean himself up. He was still ok, he was alive, and he wasn't hurt anymore. _Izaya, snap out of it already, _he told himself,_ it was just sex... forced, brutal, ruthless sex, but still sex, so get over it already! The only way to win is to stop being afraid. You're a fallen god, but still a god, so climb back up no matter what. You cannot live on the ground with the rest of humanity._ He would bet everything on the next encounter with the beast, where he would either rise or fade to black; there was no middle ground. If he could survive an encounter without succumbing to the fear, he knew that he would be all right. He chuckled darkly. With the information Kasuka oh-so-willingly provided, he could easily make the beast suffer. He had no plans of telling him right away though, because he was going to drag it for as long as possible, until Shizuo dropped to his knees and begged to be told the truth. _I'm going to have to take a photo when that happens, and then upload it on the Internet._ He chuckled some more and stretched like a cat, his stiff joints cracking and popping as a result of the action.

It wasn't the first time one of his plans had failed, nor would it be the last. He would not attempt the same thing again though; it would be redundant, and Izaya liked to believe that he wasn't such a boring person. At least he wasn't feeling guilty anymore about what he had done to Kasuka, and that was good.

His eyes drifted over to the shampoo bottle and he remembered that he really needed a haircut, which somehow made him think of sharp things that could cut, and that reminded him of his switchblade. "Tch!" _What's with the Heiwajima brothers, always taking away my knives?_ He glowered at the bottle as though it had just insulted him before he poured a generous amount of shampoo on his hand and proceeded to wash his hair. He scowled at the feeling of its length, not liking how easy it'd be for someone to grab it. _Haircut, today._

"Still alive?" Namie asked from behind the door, making Izaya jump in surprise. "You've been in there for a long time."

He cursed under his breath, hating how noise could easily startle him. "I'm fine!"

"Oh, I see. In that case, I guess I'm going to have to use that fake will another time."

Izaya's hands froze in his hair, brows furrowed in confusion. He could almost hear her malicious chuckle through the door. "What will?"

"That will in which you leave me everything."

"Naaaaaamiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!" he growled, "you're such an awful person! I'd rather donate all my money to charity."

Namie snorted at the comment. "In that case, I'd rather eat that fatty tuna myself instead of leaving it to you."

Izaya's eyes lightened up. "Did you say fatty tuna?"

"Maybe..." she said before he heard her walk away.

"Namie... Namie... Namie! Don't you dare eat that!" he warned and proceeded to wash his hair so that he could get out of there and eat. He was so hungry that he would've eaten a horse, and that said a lot.

He grabbed the towel to dry himself off once he was done, and then put his clothes on before he glared at the bathroom scale as soon as it entered his field of vision. Last time he stepped on it, his weight had been fifty-eight kilograms, but now he feared that it was much lower. He took a step towards it and froze on the spot, trying to decide whether to do it or not. _Do it,_ said a voice in his head, so Izaya steeled himself and stepped on it. He slowly lowered his head until he saw the number, and strangely enough, he felt relieved that it wasn't as low as he had expected it to be. He smiled. _Fifty-four is not that bad_. He stepped down, slapped a bandage over the wound, and strode out of the bathroom and into his office. "Where is it?" he asked, his mouth watering at the mere thought of eating fresh fatty tuna.

Namie snickered and pointed towards the bag on her desk.

Izaya beamed as his eyes zero-ed in on it, fingers latching onto the bag as he picked it up and bounced over to his desk. He sat down and opened it, eyes glowing at the sight of those perfectly-looking pieces of pale pink meat adorned with rich white streaks of buttery fat. He anxiously grabbed the chopsticks and picked up a piece before putting it into his mouth, the cool, meaty texture of raw tuna melting as he ate it. "Namie-san is the best secretary I've ever had!" he said cheerfully.

"Tch, I'm the only secretary you've ever had," she said and shot him a nasty glare.

Izaya snickered as he picked up another piece. "My point exactly."

"Hey..."

Izaya turned his head towards her. "Hmm?"

"I don't know what happened to you, but I think it's time you moved on."

Izaya started coughing, a piece of fatty tuna going the wrong way. "Namie-san! I'm trying to eat here," he whined once he was able to talk again.

Namie looked at him for a moment before turning her attention back to the screen of her laptop. "Finish that and get to work."

Izaya pouted, suddenly feeling offended by her remark. "But I've been working this whole time!"

Namie's head snapped his way. "Easy jobs with awful payment that you can do from the comfort of your own apartment."

Izaya lowered his head and stared blankly at his food. "No, really, I've been working on an important job for a while now, I swear, but anyway, don't worry, I'm back now."

"Good," she said and started typing away.

Izaya watched her for a moment, trying to gather the courage to ask his next question. "Namie-san, are there any jobs in Ikebukuro?"

Namie looked at him in surprise as she got up, picked up a few files and dropped them on his desk before going back to her own. "Pick one."

His brows furrowed as he glared at her. "Why aren't these in digital format?"

"Because I didn't feel like typing them on the computer," she answered in a cold tone that left no argument.

He glared at her some more before he hesitantly picked up the one at the top of the pile and went through the pages before dropping it and moving to the next one. "Boring," he said after a while, "so boring... why are they all boring?"

Namie ignored him and kept on typing.

"Is Namie-san giving me the cold shoulder now? Ah, I'm hurt, I'm so very hurt, and here I was, thinking that we were just starting to get along," Izaya said, expression set into a pout but then he ended up cringing when he noticed Namie's sardonic smile. "Ok, I get it, I get it. Thanks for the food, I'll get to work now, before you end up murdering me and stealing my fortune."

"I'm glad we're on the same page," she said before dropping a few more files on his desk.

Izaya grimaced as he looked at the huge pile of files. _I can do this,_ he thought and picked up another piece of fatty tuna, eyes rolling in the back of his head at the sheer pleasure he got from tasting such a delicacy. _I'm not going to hide anymore, because I'm bringing the battle to you, Shizu-chan._


	27. Haunted

**Chapter 27: Haunted**

.

Shizuo woke up with a start, a hopeless plea of "stop" slipping passed dry lips. Wild shivers wracked his sweaty frame, teeth chattering as images from his nightmare refused to evanesce, eyes darting around the room to make sure that it had been nothing more than a bad dream, that he wasn't actually hurting Kasuka in such a way. The nightmare had been different this time around. Unlike the previous times, he wasn't dissociating himself from his own actions anymore in a desperate subconscious attempt to lessen the guilt. He often had nightmares about that night, each time waking up just a little more broken than before. It was like he was trapped in his own body while the monster that was Ikebukuro's beast did terrible things to Izaya. This time however he was the one making Izaya bleed as he thrust and thrust and thrust into the unwilling body, a part of him wanting to destroy the man beyond repair, while the other part of him, perhaps a last vestige of his humanity, begged the beast to stop. The nightmare was terrible enough as it was, but somewhere along the line he heard Izaya's accusing voice when he said, _"you, Shizu-chan, you're Slon,"_ and, to his own horror, he saw Izaya's image morph into that of Kasuka, and no matter how much he pleaded and cried for the nightmare to end, he couldn't stop himself from hurting his little brother in the same manner that he had hurt Izaya. He could honestly say that it had been the worst nightmare he had ever had. He felt bile rise in his throat at the recollection and he rushed to the bathroom, but he refused to throw up, so instead he kept his eyes squeezed shut and tried to fight off the nausea, knuckles turning white from how hard he was struggling to not crush the sink under his fingers until finally he reigned it in and turned the faucet on to splash some cold water on his face. His limbs shook with fine tremors, and he inhaled a ragged breath, scrubbing a hand over his face in an effort to fully wake up.

His little brother was fine. They had barely dodged a bullet by Izaya's grace alone. The man hadn't gone through with his cruel plan, and for that Shizuo would be forever grateful. A broken laugh erupted from his dry throat at the irony of it all as the memories of all those times he had called Izaya a monster came back to him. Even though neither of them was human enough, Izaya had still been unable to do it, which meant that the man he always thought of as a monster was more human that Shizuo himself had ever been. Then again, he knew that he was no longer human, not after what he had done, because a real man would've just killed off the flea instead of trying to use sex as a weapon to break him. That night he'd been driven by pure, savage, primitive behavior, and it shamed him to know that he could ever treat another human being that way, even if said person happened to be the flea. He now understood why people often said that power corrupts. The second Izaya was in his grasp, his mind had been intoxicated at the prospect of finally paying him back for all the things the man had done to him over the years. He had finally succeeded in catching the annoying prey that seemed to defy gravity, and to have such a tough opponent at his mercy made him succumb to his most primal desire of wanting to break and destroy the man out of a sense of unadulterated anger. He knew exactly what he was doing, but it was only after the victory's euphoria had run out that he truly understood the gravity of the situation. His aim had been to humiliate, debase and to hurt Izaya so that the man would understand just how much he hated him; the tragic thing was that he succeeded in his endeavor. He ran a wet hand through his hair and looked in the mirror for a second before he turned around when he realized how much he hated the person looking back at him.

Breathing deeply, he willed the tension in his body to dissipate before he walked out of the bathroom and picked up the phone from the coffee table. He didn't know who put it there, because the last time he remembered having it in his hands was when Celty knocked on his door with an unconscious Kasuka in her arms. He must've dropped it back then. It really was a miracle the thing was still working. He needed to know if Kasuka was all right, so he dialed the number, raised the phone to his ear and waited for him to pick up.

_"Hello."_

He ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the couch. He didn't know why, but he suddenly found it really hard to talk to Kasuka―not that talking to his seemingly emotionless brother had ever been easy. "Hey..." he finally said and held his breath, hoping that Kasuka didn't hate him enough to never want to talk to him again.

_"Is something wrong?"_ he asked. Kasuka was expecting to get a call from Shizuo, especially after he bailed in the middle of the night without so much as a word.

_Everything is wrong,_ thought Shizuo and struggled to swallow the lump in his throat so that he could speak. "Are you... are you all right?"

_"I'm fine."_

Shizuo grit his teeth in annoyance. Of course Kasuka would say he was fine, he always said that, just like all those other times when he got bullied by other kids for money. It pissed him off that Kasuka was always so passive when it came to everything. "You were hurt pretty badly."

_"They took care of my broken wrist at the hospital."_

Shizuo's fingers clenched around the phone. "That's not... that's not the only thing I'm worried about." He knew that Kasuka wasn't weak, which meant that his little brother could easily deal with the physical injuries, but it didn't mean that he wasn't worried about him. Still, considering how much worse it could've been, his brother was damn lucky for being able to leave that place with only a broken wrist. He'd seen the video, so he knew exactly how far Slon had gotten before Izaya jumped in to stop him. No matter how emotionless his little brother seemed to be, Shizuo knew that wasn't the case. He realized that perhaps he should stop beating around the bush and just ask him directly. "What I really want to know is how are YOU doing?"

Kasuka was expecting the question, because it was just like Shizuo to worry about him all the time. _"I'm good."_ He figured that perhaps it was time for Shizuo to understand that he wasn't a little kid anymore, that he wasn't someone weak who needed his protection all the time. He never wanted it to begin with, and he never asked for it even when he might've needed it, so he wasn't about to start now.

Shizuo jumped to his feet and started pacing around the room. "After what happened?! How can you?" It was exactly the type of attitude he couldn't stand; no matter how much Kasuka pretended to be emotionless, he knew that wasn't the case. He hated how his little brother refused to be honest with him even in such a serious situation.

_"It didn't affect me as badly as you think it did."_

Shizuo's whole body stiffened. He couldn't stand it when Kasuka lied to him like that, and even though he didn't want to fight over the phone, he still couldn't help but snap at him. "It's my fault you had to go through that in the first place! Do you even understand what could've happened to you?"

_"I understand, but nothing happened, so there's no point in dwelling over it."_

"Are you even listening to yourself?!" There was silence from Kasuka's end, so Shizuo continued. "I'll be waiting for you, so come over as soon as you have some free time."

Kasuka had expected the request, but he wasn't about to oblige._ "I'm sorry, but I'm busy."_

"How about tomorrow?"

Even if he wanted to go, Kasuka couldn't, not after messing up everyone's schedule. They were left with no choice but to film the action scenes where he'd be injured in the movie. _"I'm leaving Tokyo tomorrow."_

Shizuo sighed, exasperated, and continued to pace around the room. "Then come over today."

_"I really can't, I'm sorry."_

"Don't run away from me!" Shizuo demanded in a rough voice.

_"I'm not."_

Shizuo could already feel fear clawing at his guts. "Is it because you finally understand what I've done? Is that why you don't want to see me anymore?"

_"It has nothing to do with you."_

"Are you afraid of me?" He dreaded to hear the answer, but he needed to know anyway. If his little brother said _"yes",_ he would stay away from Kasuka no matter how much it would pain him to do so.

_"You know, nii-san, not everything is about you. I'm not, nor will I ever be afraid of you. I've told you that a thousand times before. How many times do you want me to repeat myself before you get it through that thick skull of yours?"_

Shizuo wanted to believe those words more than anything, but he still had doubts. "Then why don't you want to see me anymore?" he asked, and he hated how meek his voice had sounded.

Kasuka stayed silent for a while, his thoughts going back to the events of the previous night. He knew he had acted like a horrible person, and that wasn't what he wanted to be. He wasn't like that. _"Because I've done enough damage already."_

"What...?"

_"I've said some terrible things to Izaya because of what you tried to do yesterday. I don't want to do such a thing again. I need to stay away for a while. I hope you understand."_

Shizuo gasped in surprise, suddenly feeling weary about the whole situation. "You talked to Izaya?"

_"I've met him last night."_

"Are you insane?!" he nearly screeched. Kasuka should've known better than to seek out the man who kidnapped him. "Are you all right? Did he hurt you?"

_"No, I'm fine. I'm the one who hurt him."_

Shizuo's brows furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"

_"Please understand."_

"Did you tell him that I tried to kill myse―"

_"No, I didn't tell him. I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I'll be back in a couple of weeks."_

"Wai―"

_"Good bye."_

Shizuo dropped the phone back on the coffee table, grabbed the pack of cigarettes and the lighter, and slumped back on the couch. "What the hell...?" He placed a cigarette between his lips and lit it up. If Kasuka had pissed Izaya off, then perhaps it was better for him to stay away from Tokyo for a while. There was no telling how far Izaya would go, and Shizuo was certain that the man was nowhere near finished taking his revenge. He also realized that it was about time he grew a pair and properly apologized to Izaya; not that it'd magically make everything better, but because it was the right thing to do. _A proper apology,_ he thought, not the shit he'd pulled that time at Shinra's apartment when he almost strangled the insect to death. He took a drag from the cigarette and closed his eyes, trying to think of a way to get Izaya to listen to him. It'd have to be in a public place because he knew that Izaya wouldn't like the idea of being alone with him, not after they had almost killed each other the last time they happened to end up together in the same room. He picked up the phone and stared at it for a while, steeling himself to call Izaya. "Here goes nothing." He dialed the number and waited, but the man didn't pick up, and Shizuo couldn't really blame him, not after what he'd done to him.

He put the phone back on the coffee table and got up, took off his clothes, threw them in with the rest of the dirty laundry, and went to take a shower. The hot water felt nice on his cold skin, and he dreaded the idea of going outside when it was so cold, but he knew that he had no choice. His bills weren't going to pay themselves. Suddenly, a shiver ran down his spine at the thought that instead of taking a shower he could've still been clinging to Kasuka's broken body had Izaya gone through with the plan. A bleak laugh fell from his lips and he leaned against the bathroom tiles, the urge to punch something getting stronger by the minute. He wished that Izaya would've succeeded in killing him that night with that same knife that Shizuo tried to plunge into his own heart in a pathetic attempt to end his useless existence; he sure as hell deserved it. He didn't have time to mop around though, unless he wanted to be late for work, so he pushed himself away from the wall and quickly washed before drying himself off with a towel and rushing to his bedroom to get dressed. He put on underwear, an undershirt, and picked a black hoodie and a pair of black pants to wear for the day. He almost laughed at the irony; Izaya was supposed to be the one dressed in black while he wore the bartender uniform. They were obviously not as expensive as the stuff Izaya wore, but Shizuo wasn't a rich bastard, so he only bought stuff he could afford. He had a bunch of expensive clothes from Kasuka, but he didn't want to get blood stains on them in case he'd have to beat up some punk at work. He gave up on his bartender uniform after that night. There was no point in using it anymore, not when Kasuka knew that he had lost his job. At least people still recognized and avoided him as much as possible, even without his trademark uniform; no one wanted to set off Ikebukuro's beast. He still dyed his hair blond though; he couldn't give up on that, not when it served as a warning to those around him to not get too close. He smiled at the memory of Tom suggesting he dyed his hair, before his smile fell when he realized how late he was for work. He cursed out loud and looked for Izaya's switchblade, knowing that he wouldn't be able to leave the apartment if he didn't have it with him. He saw it stick out from behind the couch, so he picked it up, cleaned the dry blood off it, grabbed his cigarette, lighter, phone and keys before he put his jacket and shoes on and rushed out the door.

"Hey," said Tom when he saw his employee show up at the usual rendezvous spot.

"Mornin'." It was a cold, foggy day, and Shizuo wanted nothing more than to go back to his apartment, curl under the covers of his bed and stay there until he felt ready to face the world. He certainly wasn't feeling ready as he walked down the street with Tom to collect money from some poor unfortunate soul who borrowed too much and couldn't pay back.

"Are you feeling all right?" Tom asked when he saw that Shizuo looked paler than usual. In fact, it looked like the man was about to pass out or something.

"I'm good, just a bit tired, s'all." He always felt tired. He could never get a good night's sleep anymore, not when he was constantly plagued by nightmares. He did feel worse than usual though, but it was to be expected after the emotional rollercoaster of the day before. He felt completely drained, like all of the energy had been sucked right out of him, leaving behind nothing but an empty husk. He dropped the butt of the cigarette he had just finished smoking and slipped another one between his lips, and then kept on chain-smoking one cigarette after another.

Tom stared at him for a bit, his expression one of worry. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm sure." _Shit,_ he inwardly cursed, _am I this transparent?_

Tom gave him a skeptical look but he stayed silent for a while, until finally deciding that he had enough. "For how long have we known each other?"

"Too long," Shizuo mumbled as he took another drag from the cigarette. He stopped counting them after the fourth one.

"Exactly! That's why I know something's wrong."

Shizuo's eye twitched and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, cigarette hanging loosely between his lips. "I'm fine, really."

Tom sighed and stopped in his tracks. "Look, I've kept quiet until now, because you know how I don't like to meddle into other people's business, but I'm really worried about you. You don't look too well."

Shizuo ran a hand through his hair and stopped as well. He threw the butt of the latest smoked cigarette on the ground and stepped on it before he lit up another one and turned to face his boss. "I've been having some personal problems lately, but I'm trying to work through them."

Tom knew that Shizuo wasn't telling him everything, but he didn't think that insisting would be a wise idea. The best he could do was to offer his support and hope that his friend would take it if he ever needed it. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

Shizuo forced a smile on his face to reassure Tom. He really hated to see other people worry about him. Someone like him didn't deserve to have such good people as friends. "Thanks, I will."

Tom was certain that the man would never ask for help no matter what, but he also knew that Shizuo would appreciate any help being offered to him. His friend always had a low opinion of himself, and Tom hated that, because Shizuo was a good person, no matter what other people thought of him. He'd seen him upset before, but it was never this bad, and never for so long, so there really was no wonder that he was worried. His employee was slowly turning into a walking corpse, and he didn't like that. An idea popped into his head, so he hooked an arm around Shizuo's neck and smiled broadly. "Let's go get you some cake and a milkshake."

"We don't have ti―"

"We do, we do," Tom said and started dragging Shizuo towards the nearest place where they could get some of those sweets that his friend loved so much. He actually had to push Shizuo down on the chair in order to make him sit down, but after that the man mostly kept quiet as he slowly ate the cake ordered for him. Tom only drank a soda because he wasn't in the mood to eat anything else, but he knew that sweets always made Shizuo feel better, and that was the only thing that mattered. He did find it weird that the man wasn't as enthusiastic as he used to be when it came to sweets. _Hmm, when did this start,_ he wondered, and thought back at the time when he noticed the first change in Shizuo. It was around the time when the blond stopped wearing the bartender uniform, muttering something about there being no point in keeping up the pretense anymore. After that, Shizuo kept getting worse by the day, as though he was being haunted by something. _I guess it started a couple of months ago._ He watched Shizuo as he ate, the blank look on the man's face telling him that he wasn't particularly enjoying the dessert. "Do you want to try something else?"

Shizuo shook his head and forced a smile on his face. "No, this is great, thanks." He inwardly cursed himself for the slip-up, really hating to see Tom worrying about him. He pretended to enjoy eating the rest of the cake, and once he was done, they both went back to work. The guy they were about to visit was someone who kept evading them, so he couldn't help but wonder how did Tom succeed in finding the man. He figured he could use it as a topic of conversation, because the stifling silence was starting to get to him. "How did you find him?" he finally asked and watched as Tom scratched his head and averted his eyes as though he was guilty of something. Shizuo's brows furrowed in confusion. "What...?"

Tom laughed nervously. "Orihara Izaya found him for me."

Shizuo immediately tensed, wondering how many times had Izaya been to Ikebukuro without him noticing. "When did you meet him?"

Tom scratched his head as he stared into space. "Ah, I didn't. I only talked to him on the phone. Now that you mention it, I do find it strange that he hasn't shown his face in Ikebukuro in such a long time. You've probably heard the rumors about him being dead, right?"

Shizuo grimaced. Of course he had, and the sad thing was that Izaya had actually almost died. "Yeah, he finally answered," his voice thick with emotion.

"I thought it was funny how everyone accused you of murdering him," Tom continued, smiling, and gave him a pat on the back, "but that's just because they don't know you like I do."

Shizuo stiffened. _You don't know me; you don't know me at all!_ It was more painful to hear someone say that he was a good person instead of being called a monster. Still, this was not about him. "Hey, do you happen to know where he lives?"

"Don't tell me you want to go there and kill him once and for all." Tom was always worried when it came to Shizuo and Izaya, because he could never tell what they would do next.

Shizuo shook his head. "No, I only want to talk to him about something."

Tom gave him a skeptical look, trying to figure out why Shizuo would suddenly ask for Izaya's address. "I'm sorry, Shizuo, but I still need you, so I can't afford to let you get caught by the police for murdering Orihara Izaya."

Shizuo grabbed his friend's shoulder and looked him straight in the eyes. "I won't hurt him, I give you my word."

Tom watched him for a long time, trying to figure out if Shizuo was serious about it or not. Truth be told, it wasn't that hard to find out where the Informant lived, so it wasn't like Shizuo couldn't find him if he were to start asking around. He sighed. "Fine. It's not like his address is a state secret, it's just that you've never tried to find him before," he said as he took out the man's business card from his wallet.

Shizuo's arm fell back to his side. It was true that he had never tried to find Izaya before no matter how many times he'd told the flea that he'd kill him. He was happy enough just knowing that Izaya stayed out of Ikebukuro, and that was why he never bothered to chase him into Shinjuku.

"Here," Tom said and handed him Izaya's business card. "Try not to kill him. I still need you."

Shizuo nodded slowly and proceeded to follow Tom as the man crossed the street, unable to take his eyes off the business card. It didn't even surprise him that the thing was black, the silver writing giving the whole thing an elegant look. _So Izaya-like..._ Making one of those things had probably been expensive, but he knew that Izaya could easily afford it because the bastard made a lot of money selling and buying information. _I don't have time for this right now,_ he thought just before he slipped the card into his wallet and shoved the thing back into the pocket of his pants. _I'll go see him after work._ He wasn't looking forward to it, but he sure as hell had to go nonetheless. Izaya wasn't answering his phone, so Shizuo was left with no other choice. _This is going to be a long day,_ he thought and sighed, following Tom into the apartment building of their first 'client' for the day. _A very long day..._


	28. The Night Beckons

**Chapter 28: The Night Beckons**

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The air was cold as Shizuo made his way towards Izaya's apartment, the icy wind viciously biting into the skin of his face. He wasn't even there, yet he was already feeling faint, an incessant feeling of nausea taking root into his very being, blood freezing in his veins at the prospect of the upcoming meeting. He severely doubted that he could have a proper conversation with the man, let alone apologize, because the only way in which the two of them ever 'talked' had been through fists, switchblade slashes and whatever object of the urban landscaped happened to be in his path. Nothing about the two of them was normal, so it stood to reason that their conversation would be anything but conventional. There would most likely be fighting, and Izaya might even try to kill him, but that was fine, because he didn't mind dying by the Informant's hands after the man had saved Kasuka from what could've been the same intense physical and emotional pain that he himself had inflicted upon him that night when he ended up abandoning his humanity with the sole intent of damaging his sworn enemy beyond repair. It was becoming more and more tiring to always think about that one night when he made the biggest mistake of his life, but perhaps that was part of his punishment, to feel as though he was stuck in a deep, dark pit with no way out, haunted by the man who succeeded in obliterating the weak brake he had on his usually blind fury.

He shivered when a particular strong gust of wind swept by as he kept on walking, at the same time realizing that he was already in front of the apartment building in which Izaya resided. He scrubbed a hand over his face in an unsuccessful attempt to fully awake from wherever his mind had been wandering, and he sighed in frustration before trying to take a step up the stairs, only to freeze in his tracks when his body refused to move. _Eh?_ Fortunately, he didn't have time to dwell on his lack of courage. He saw Izaya walk out of the building, the man's speed suggesting that he was in a hurry to get somewhere. Shizuo instinctively spun around, taken by surprise by the unexpected appearance. Luckily he had the hood on, so his blonde hair hadn't stood out like a beacon for Izaya to spot. It wasn't like he was hiding, but he didn't want their meeting to happen in such a place either, so he waited a bit until Izaya put some distance between them before he proceeded to surreptitiously pursue him.

Izaya was as fast as ever, not running but not quite walking either, making Shizuo wonder where he was heading and with whom he was meeting to cause him to be in such a hurry. It wasn't like it was any of his business, but he was curious to know if perhaps Izaya was doing most of his business in Shinjuku now because he was too scared to go back to Ikebukuro where he knew his rapist resided. _Shit,_ he inwardly cursed, cringing at the notion of him being nothing more than one of those disgusting rapists that every decent human being wished to wipe out from existence. Even most criminals looked down upon someone like him, because he was one of the worst types of offenders society had to offer. Life used to be much easier when he was only the rage monster who had the people in Ikebukuro run away screaming each time he lost his temper, and he never imagined how happy he would be if he could turn back time and go back to being just Ikebukuro's beast and nothing else. He could feel a bitter laugh starting to well up deep within, and he pressed his lips tightly together in order to contain it, not wanting to alert Izaya of his presence, but the man didn't seem to pay any attention to his surroundings, as though his mind was set on a particular destination as he swiftly made his way through Shinjuku's dark streets and alleys. _The hell is he doing,_ thought Shizuo as he trailed the Informant under the cover of the dark, careful with each step he took as to not reveal his presence. _Good job, Heiwajima Shizuo,_ he thought bitterly, _now you're not only a rapist, but a stalker too_. He was craving a smoke so badly that he unconsciously withdrew the cigarettes and lighter from his pocket before coming back to his senses and shoving them back inside with a low growl, inwardly berating himself for the slip up while he ground his teeth harder in pure frustration at being unable to feed his addiction.

He didn't have time to dwell on it though, because Izaya abruptly stopped, and Shizuo barely had enough time to dash behind a corner in order to avoid being seen. He felt his heartbeat quicken, and he was starting to turn paranoid thinking that Izaya might be able to hear his racing heart even from where he was standing, but the rational part of his brain knew that was not possible given the large distance between them. Then again, there really was no wonder he was nervous, because Heiwajima Shizuo didn't sneak around, it wasn't his style, and he most certainly did not follow Orihara Izaya in the middle of the night like some sort of fucked up creep stalking his victim. _But that's exactly what you're doing, idiot,_ he berated himself while struggling to stand still and to not make any noises that would alert Izaya of his presence. He had no idea how to explain himself if the man were to catch him spying―even though he wasn't exactly spying―but it wasn't like the flea would ever understand how hard it was for him to seek him out. _Why's this bastard not going to a populated area already?_ He risked a glance around the corner and saw that Izaya was talking to some suspicious guy who was handing him something. There was obviously nothing legit about the whole thing, but Shizuo couldn't have cared less, because it wasn't like he ever thought of Izaya as being a decent human being to begin with. He knew exactly what the Informant was, _a freakin' bastard and one of the biggest trolls in existence._

Just because Shizuo stopped blaming him for what happened, it didn't mean he suddenly thought that Izaya didn't deserve anything bad happening to him, or that he saw him as this poor, innocent thing who was not guilty of any sin. Izaya was still an awful human being, and Shizuo had a feeling that the flea would never change no matter what happened to him. He knew that he'd succeeded in breaking him somehow, the proof being Izaya's wild behavior that time when they met at Shinra' place, but he also knew that the man would always bounce back no matter what, because that was who Orihara Izaya was. There was also the matter of Izaya trying to get Kasuka raped as revenge for what happened to him, and while Shizuo knew that too was completely his fault, it still bothered him that his little brother ended up getting involved in his mess. Izaya should've gone for him instead, but if he had, then he wouldn't have been the cruel bastard that Shizuo had known for so many years. Judging by their long time feud, it was surprising that Izaya hadn't tried to use Kasuka against him sooner. Their animosity was well known throughout Ikebukuro, and while they hated each other's guts, they had never before attempted to get their families involved. No matter what kind of bastard Izaya was, Shizuo would never hurt Mairu and Kururi in order to piss off the flea. Not that the bastard would ever get mad to begin with even if he did. It didn't look like he had any sort of affection for his little sisters. The most important person to Izaya was Izaya himself, so when Shizuo hurt him, the man thought it was only fair that he hurt Kasuka, because he knew that Shizuo cared about his little brother more than he cared about himself. _Why I did I have to piss off such an insane guy,_ he thought dejectedly.

He took another peek around the corner and watched as the other guy walked away while Izaya appeared to be typing a message on his phone before putting it back into his pocket and walking away as well. The flea seemed to pick up speed, so Shizuo hurried to follow before he would end up losing him, accidentally tripping on a can of something, the metallic sound attracting Izaya's attention. Shizuo immediately glued himself to the wall and hoped that Izaya hadn't seen him, the almost crimson gaze slanted his way making a shiver run down his spine. It wasn't that he was scared of the man, but what terrified him was what the Informant could do. From all the people he could've made as an enemy, he just had to piss off the most dangerous one of the bunch. It felt as though he was playing with fire, and he was starting to regret his decision of following him. He breathed in relief when he saw Izaya turn around and decided that it was best to go home and look for him the next day. _Ugh, where the hell am I,_ he wondered when he realized he had no clue where he ended up after following Izaya through the dark narrow streets of Shinjuku. _Freakin' louse!_ He sighed in annoyance and tried to find his way to a busier street from where he could figure out where the hell he was. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket to retrieve his cigarettes and lighter as he passed a trash can, right at that moment getting jumped by someone before he was pushed face first into a wall, the blade of a knife lightly swaying barely a hair's breadth away from the skin of his throat as he nervously swallowed. He couldn't see who it was, but judging by the fur tickling his jaw, it had to be none other than Izaya.

"Why are you following me?" Izaya asked, emphasizing his question by pushing the sharp edge of the switchblade harder into the man's skin.

Shizuo couldn't remember ever being in such a vulnerable position before, and even though it was freezing cold outside, he could feel a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his face. No matter how he looked at it, the flea had both the power and the motivation to snuff his life, and it was ridiculous how the thought somehow frightened him even after he had attempted to end his own life before.

Izaya was starting to get tired of the man's silence, so he pushed the other's head harder into the wall. "Answer the question!"

Shizuo scrunched his eyes, teeth grinding hard against each other in frustration at having been caught, the skin of his forehead getting scraped along the wall as Izaya kept pushing his face against the rough surface. He found himself opening and closing his mouth a few times before finally finding the courage to speak. "I-Izaya..."

The voice was so faint that Izaya would've missed it had he not been listening carefully, and even though that was not how the brute usually sounded, he was almost certain it was him. The grip on his switchblade faltered for a moment and he felt his pulse pick up, heart ratcheting up to an unsteady rhythm in his rib cage as he used his left hand to pull down the hood to better see if the one he had pinned to a wall was really Shizuo, his stomach roiling with sickening intensity at the thought that he could be so close to the beast who broke him into more pieces than he could count. He tried to stay calm but it was no use, his breath turning labored the second he saw Shizuo's blonde hair in the dim light, and even though his instinct urged him to get away right at that second, his rational mind told him to stay where he was and to not let go. For once he was the one who was in control, and he had no intention of giving Shizuo any leverage to free himself, so he snaked a hand into the blonde locks and tightened his hold until he heard a grunt slipping past the beast's lips. "Shizu-chan," he viciously spat out the words, disgust raging through him at being forced to touch the man he despised more than anyone and anything in the entire world, "were you trying to go for round two as punishment for what I did to your freak of a brother?"

Shizuo actually felt offended by the question, and he barely suppressed a snarl knowing that it would not help his cause. "Like I'd ever do something like that again," he said in a thick voice, heart clenching at the realization that those who knew what happened would always think of him as capable of doing the same thing a second time. The sad thing was that he couldn't really blame him, not after almost fucking the man to death. He felt the sharp edge of the switchblade cut a thin line into his skin and he groaned, wondering if perhaps this was the end for him.

**"Liar,"** Izaya said in a low, dangerous tone, fury stirring at Shizuo's words. He was on full alert, tension bleeding into his rigid, ready stance as he sliced some more into his enemy's neck, the feeling of the warm blood slowly streaming down his skin from the fresh cut on the beast's throat making him shudder in disgust. He knew that he was imagining it as a consequence of being so close to the beast, but it felt as though that awful pain he had been forced to live with for weeks on end still lingered between his legs as a bad memory that would never go away. Shizuo's poison had slithered into his very being, and Izaya knew that he could never get rid of the taint on his body no matter how much he wished otherwise. A wry laugh spilled past his lips as his limbs shook with fine tremors, and he hoped that Shizuo couldn't tell just how terrified he was, even though he was the one who had Ikebukuro's beast at his mercy. They were in a dark alley where no one could see them, which meant that he could easily terminate the beast's pathetic existence and get away with it, especially with the contacts he had in the police department, and yet he didn't want to do it because he didn't think that Shizuo had suffered enough for his sins. It took everything he had to hold himself back from slitting the monster's throat and leading the beast to an untimely end, but he consoled himself with the knowledge that Shizuo's suffering was far from being over. He would not be satisfied until the beast would grovel on his knees in front of him and beg for forgiveness. He harshly yanked on the blonde hair until the beast's ear was right next to his lips, baring his throat more openly to the switchblade. "Let's pretend for a second that I believe you," he said in a voice so cold that it took even him by surprise, "mind explaining why you've been following me?"

Unease raised the hairs on the back of his neck and Shizuo gulped, the almost tangible bloodlust that Izaya was giving off reminding him of all the cruelty the man was capable of committing. Izaya would most likely not believe him no matter what he said, yet he had no choice but to try. "Look, it's not what you think," he said, Izaya's humorless laugh making him cringe. "I was on my way to your apartment when I saw you coming out of the building and―"

"Did you beat up Shinra for the address?" Izaya asked with a frown and hoped that was not the case.

Shizuo felt as though an invisible fist gripped his heart and squeezed it without mercy the second he heard the question. "I would never do that." He knew that he had done a lot of bad things, but to go as far as to beat up his former friend for an address was not something he would ever do. "I got your business card from Tom," he answered reluctantly.

"Ah, guess who's not getting my help from now on?" said Izaya as a matter-of-fact. "So you thought that it'd be a good idea to kill me in my own home?"

"No...no, I... I wanted to apologize," he said and shuddered when he heard Izaya's dark chuckle, the hate simmering underneath that laugh almost palpable. "I swear. I only wanted to talk to you."

"Maa, maa, Shizu-chan, don't you know that lying is bad?"

"I'm not―"

"If you're not lying, why did you follow me around instead of approaching me?"

Shizuo bit his lower lip in frustration until he felt the coppery taste of blood. "Because it's hard to talk to you after what I've done," he finally admitted, "and you kept sneaking around like a bastard instead of using the main streets. I was waiting for you to get off the dark alleys and into a populated area before approaching you. Fuck, I'm so pissed off right now," he growled. "This is not how I wanted to apologize..."

Izaya's eyes narrowed into slits as he looked askance into Shizuo's dark yellow ones after turning the man's head to see him better. "I can't figure out whether you're trolling me or you're just this stupid," was Izaya's scathing response, his voice tight with annoyance.

"I'm not the one who specializes in trolling, you fucking flea."

"Ah, that's true," Izaya conceded, "but that just means you're really this stupid, doesn't it?"

"I was leaving, you know? Why would I leave if I wanted to kill you?"

"I don't know, Shizu-chan, why would you? It's not like I could ever understand what goes on in that protozoic brain of yours. Besides, I called you _stupid_ for thinking that you even had the right to apologize after what you've done, although your decision to follow me around was just as dumb, because now I can easily slice your throat and leave you here to choke on your own blood if I so desire. Hmm, I think I'd like that very much," he mused, enjoying the mental image of Shizuo giving his last gurgled breath as he bled to death at his feet before he tightened his grip on the blonde locks and thumped the brute's head into the wall hard enough to draw blood. "Ne, Shizu-chan, do you remember how many times you banged my head against the cold, wet concrete that night?"

"..."

Seeing how Shizuo stayed silent, Izaya moved closer until his lips were almost touching the beast's cold ear, his hot breath making the brute shiver as he whispered, "I really thought that I was going to die long before you would have finished thrusting that disgusting piece of flesh into my broken body."

Shizuo grimaced, aghast by the question, and he was overcome with nausea as images of that night slammed into the forefront of his mind. "Stop... please," he begged, not wanting to remember the cruel beast he ended up turning into.

Izaya's lips began to tilt upwards in a maniacal grin, the knowledge that simply mentioning the events of that time in the alley bothered the beast only making him want to continue. "Did it feel good, hmm? Did you enjoy it?" he said, wondering if perhaps this was how Shizuo had felt when he had him at his mercy. "Answer me!" he commanded before he banged Shizuo's head into the wall again. "Did it feel good to thrust into my bleeding body, yes or no?"

Shizuo swallowed hard. "Y-Yes, I enjoyed it," he said in a quiet voice, remorse lacing his words.

"And you still have the guts to say that you're sorry, huh?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Shut up, monster!"

"I'm so sorry..."

"I said, **SHUT UP!"**

"I'M SORRY!" Shizuo nearly shouted, guilt weighing so heavily on his heart that it felt as though he was suffocating. "I'm sorry," he repeated in a wheezy voice as he tried to wrench himself away from the fingers capturing his hair, suddenly feeling claustrophobic, an asphyxiating pain tearing his heart to shreds.

"Shut the fuck up, **beast!"** Izaya snarled, his voice dripping all the venom and hatred he felt for the man in his grasp. "Your sorry means nothing to me."

Shizuo forced himself to keep his lips firmly closed, not wanting to further upset Izaya. He had known from the beginning that the Informant would care little for his apologies, but that hadn't stopped him from trying.

Izaya took a shaky breath, his whole body trembling in rage and knuckles turning white from the sheer effort it took to not sink the switchblade into the beast's throat. _Kill him, end him, destroy him before he destroys you,_ said a dark voice in his head while the rational part of his brain besought him to halt acting out on such an impulse. Shizuo had indeed appeared to be walking away when Izaya had ambushed him, and he did sound earnest in his apology, something that the brute would have no reason to fake even if he could. It wasn't like the idiot had ever been a good actor. Izaya had always been able to read the amalgam of brutish emotions crossing the monster's face ― not that any of it would ever erase the pain and the suffering he was going through as a result of the brute's destructive actions―but at least it meant that the monster was suffering for his sins, and the more Shizuo suffered, the better Izaya felt at seeing the brute fall apart. Shizuo wasn't even mentioning Kasuka, which Izaya assumed would've been the first thing coming out from the beast's mouth the second they would meet. Further investigation was necessary, but first he would have to verify whether or not Shizuo could keep his composure enough to not attack him. Abruptly, he jumped backwards, putting enough distance between himself and the beast to warrant his safe escape in case such action was necessary. "If you want to talk so badly, then talk, but not here."

"Huh," was the only thing falling from Shizuo's lips as he wearily wiped away some of the blood trickling down his neck.

Izaya scowled. "Keep walking. I'll tell you where to go."

Shizuo did as ordered, following Izaya's instructions each time the man told him to either go left or right until he found himself in a park. He watched as the man typed something on his phone and sent a message before he raised those crimson eyes of his and glared at him with such hatred that almost made him quail from that gaze.

"Speak," Izaya said while going for one of his easygoing smiles but ending up falling a little short. His eyes locked on Shizuo's pained face, and he couldn't help but convulsively flex his hands around the twin switchblades that he now always carried with him inside the pockets of his coat.

"I completely fucked up," Shizuo said ruefully as he moved his hands to pull out the cigarettes and the lighter, only to stiffen in distress when Izaya suddenly pulled out two switchblades and assumed a defensive position. _Shit!_ "Look, I need a smoke, ok?"

Izaya inwardly cursed himself for the mishap, willing his body to relax enough to drop the defensive position. "Those things might kill you before I decide to do it myself, so maybe you should quit, ne~?" he tried to say in his usual singsong voice, hoping that he wouldn't embarrass himself any further.

Shizuo flicked open his lighter, the flame dancing in the dark as he slowly inclined his head to light up the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. "You're using two switchblades now," he said as a matter-of-fact, "that's smart. Too bad you only had one that night."

"I've learned my lesson now," Izaya said, lips set into a humorless smile. "What exactly do you want from me, my forgiveness by any chance? Sorry to burst your bubble, but you will never get it."

Shizuo took a drag from the cigarette before he thrust his cold hands into the pockets of his jacket. "I don't expect to ever be forgiven for what I've done."

"Then?" Izaya asked, a bit surprised at the brute's defeated tone.

"I finally understand now."

Izaya shot him a questioning look. "And what exactly might that be?"

"Everything was my fault flea, not yours, I know that now," he said, his tone bitter from all the self-hatred he felt.

Eyes widening in disbelief, Izaya stared at the too-human monster with his mouth agape, starting to believe Kasuka's words about the beast finally taking responsibility for his actions. If that was the case, he needed to confirm it once and for all. His eyes wandered to his phone's display screen before giving the beast his full attention.

Shizuo watched him smile, something ugly and familiar darkening the brown-red eyes before the words started rolling off the flea's tongue in an enthusiastic way.

"If that's the case, you won't mind me breaking your little brother as payment for your oh-so-kind treatment from back then," Izaya said with a malicious smirk on his face, his hackles immediately rising at the hostility Shizuo flung at him head-on the moment he mentioned Kasuka's name. He heard the beast growl and he took an infinitesimally step backwards, hands tightening around the handles of his switchblades as he started to question the feasibility of his plan. _You're playing with fire, Izaya,_ he told himself, yet he couldn't stop the next words as they spilled past his lips. "Maybe next time I'm going to do him myself."

"Leave Kasuka out of this," Shizuo hissed, barely able to hold himself back as the emotional upheaval tore at his resolution to never again hurt the man before him.

"Why should I?" Izaya continued, his malevolent delight making Ikebukuro's beast snarl.

"Hurt me instead, break me, cut me, do whatever you want, just leave him alone," Shizuo begged, hands shaking in both anger and fear as he threw the cigarette butt on the ground and crushed it under the sole of his shoe.

"But Shizu-chan is a beast, so he'd hardly feel anything if I were to do any of those things. Hurting his little brother on the other hand... now that will surely hurt him, ne?"

"Please..." Shizuo tried again, trying his hardest to not lunge himself at the bastard and twist that neck until it'd break with a sickening crunch.

Izaya smirked, finally hearing into the distance the specific noise he was waiting for. "I don't know why you're so against it," he said, ready to go for the finishing blow. "He'd probably not even bat an eyelid, or who knows, he might even **enjoy** it."

Shizuo's hands balled into fists, and he felt his control quickly slipping away. **"IZAYA!"** he growled louder than before, drowning in the usual blind rage that took over each time he had to deal with Izaya, only to breathe in relief when Celty seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, causing dust to fly into his eyes before her bike came to a complete stop between them.

"Courier-san, you're three minutes late," Izaya admonished as he checked the time on his phone.

Celty got off the bike and approached him, her entire frame rigid with tension after realizing that she had dropped in the middle of a dangerous situation. [I'm sorry for being late,] she typed on her PDA and showed it to Izaya, trying really hard to pretend that Shizuo wasn't there because she didn't know how to act around him after finding out what happened between the two men.

Izaya shrugged. "It's fine." He turned to Shizuo. "Relax, Shizu-chan, I was simply joking. Hurting Kasuka again would be redundant. I'm not such a boring person," he said and watched as the tension in Shizuo's body seemed to have left him all at once.

Celty only gave Shizuo a furtive glance before turning her attention back to Izaya. [You said you needed me to deliver something, so what is it?]

"Just something I'm carrying," he said in a serious tone, watching with no little amount of surprise at how relieved and grateful the beast seemed to be after telling him that he would leave Kasuka alone. _You're so predictable, stupid beast._

Celty immediately got the message and used her black smoke to make a helmet for the Informant. She didn't know how to deal with Shizuo yet, nor did she want to, not when her thoughts and emotions in regard to his person were a jumbled mess, so instead of addressing the man, she decided to focus on the job and to deal with him another time.

Izaya took the helmet the Dullahan handed to him and got on the bike behind her. "She knows by the way," he said with the nastiest smirk he could muster, inwardly reveling at the way Shizuo's face twisted in anguish before Celty drove into the night and away from Ikebukuro's beast. He knew that he had risked a lot by trying to piss the beast off, but now he was certain that Shizuo was sorry after seeing him trying his best to not attack him even when Izaya kept threatening to hurt Kasuka. _Breaking you will be so much fun,_ he thought excitedly._ You will learn what a mistake it was to mess with Orihara Izaya._


	29. Hands of Fate

**Chapter 29: Hands of Fate**

.

Five days after he ran into Shizuo again for the first time in over a month, Izaya still couldn't get the encounter out of his head. It wasn't just the run-in with the beast that threw him off, but also Shizuo's overall behavior. It seemed like the man was feeling genuine regret for his past actions, and Izaya already had a few ideas on how to make him pay for the audacity of cutting the wings off a god. He wasn't naive enough to believe that he could easily go back to being the person he was before that night in the alley, but he made up his mind to do everything in his power to climb back up to the high place in the sky where he belonged. At least he was on the right track, because no matter how frightened he'd felt during his last confrontation with Shizuo, he didn't end up running away and instead he found the courage to confront the beast who had shattered his world into a million pieces. The simple knowledge that he could've easily ended the monster's miserable existence was enough to make him realize that he was not as weak as Shizuo made him think, and he now had the confidence to confront his rapist again without succumbing to terror. To say that he didn't feel dread would be a lie, but he hoped that he would manage to keep it in check during their next meeting.

The flash drive he received from his contact just before he caught Shizuo following him around was something that he worked on acquiring long before the unfortunate events that threw his life into chaos, and even though Namie was under the impression that he'd sat on his ass doing nothing for over two months, he'd actually worked to get his hands on the flash drive he now carried in the right pocket of his pants. All that was left to do now was to meet up with the client and hand it over to him. The man had been out of the country until then, and now that he was back he requested they met in Ikebukuro. Izaya accepted without a second thought. He was tired of running away, and that was how he found himself in the accursed Tokyo district that he once used to love but which now gave him the shivers, his hands tightening around the switchblades he kept for protection inside the pockets of his jacket as he continued to walk towards the meeting place. He felt a bit annoyed that his filthy rich client chose to meet at a cheap restaurant in Ikebukuro, but it didn't really matter that much as long as he got paid. It took too much time, work and money to get his hands on the flash drive, and he expected to be royally rewarded for his efforts. It was the only case he'd followed even while in agonizing pain because of the injuries that Shizuo had inflicted on him, and the sooner he handed the flash drive, the faster he would hopefully forget if only a little of those painful days when even sitting down almost brought tears to his eyes.

Shizuo had broken him into too many pieces, so he held no hope that he could ever put himself back together the way he used to be, so he decided instead to become a new Orihara Izaya, if not better, then at least close to the Information Broker he once used to be before both his mind and body easily got crushed in a single night. His eyes darted from one person to the other as he walked down the streets, and he wondered if perhaps others could see that he was not the same person he used to be. Because of such thoughts, he couldn't help but feel tense each time one of his humans looked and pointed at him as though they knew something. It was a ridiculous thought in itself because obviously no one knew what happened to him, but that still didn't stop the paranoia from making his hands tremble each time someone either laughed, smiled or sneered at him. The logical part of his brain kept telling him to relax, that they were most likely doing it because he hadn't shown his face in Ikebukuro for a long time, but that still didn't stop him from feeling sick to his stomach. Luckily, he was not so far gone as to believe the crazy thoughts blooming in his mind, so he shoved them away and focused on getting to the meeting place. With his mind made up, he forced himself to ignore the whispers and the comments and he focused on getting to the restaurant as fast as possible.

It took him about twenty minutes to get there on foot, but by the time he reached the meeting place he was a wreck. The only consolation he had was that he hadn't ran into anyone with whom he would be forced to start a conversation; that was the last thing he wanted to do when he wasn't even sure he could speak without his voice trembling. He stood there outside the restaurant for a few moments to calm down his racing heart until he found the strength to go inside. All he had to do now in order to get paid was to hand over the flash drive. He took a deep breath and forced a smile on his face, the same easygoing one he always used whenever he had to deal with a client. The name of the man waiting for him inside was Ueda Shou, and he was a Half Japanese-Half American rich businessman. To say that he was brilliant was an understatement, considering how he ended up running his father's empire by the time he was thirty two, and even though it was the first time Izaya had finished a job for him, he had no doubts that he would get paid for his services. It was a well-known fact that Ueda Shou always paid his debts.

"Ueda-san," Izaya greeted as he sat down, "it's nice to finally meet you."

"Likewise, Orihara-san. I've heard many things about you, and although the jobs you take on may not always be... legal, you always come through. I take it that you have the information I've requested?"

Izaya took out the flash drive from his pocket and placed it on the table. "I am unworthy of such praise, Ueda-san. I'm nothing more than one of the many Information Brokers this city has to offer."

Ueda smirked before taking a sip from the cheap sake he'd been served earlier. "Please, Orihara-san, modesty doesn't suit you, not when your reputation precedes you. You are the best Information Broker in both Ikebukuro and Shinjuku; otherwise I wouldn't have hired you to find my company's stolen data."

"In that case, I appreciate your confidence in my information gathering skills," Izaya said and shifted infinitesimally on the chair, something in the man's eyes making the hairs on the back of his neck bristle. For some reason, he had the impression that Ueda Shou was more dangerous than he could ever imagine, and because of that he decided that it was best to get out of there as soon as possible. Picking up the flash drive, he looked Ueda in the eyes. "I believe it's time I leave." He got up and handed it to Ueda, barely suppressing a shudder at the man's disturbing smirk.

"Are you sure that you can't stay for a bit longer? The food they serve here may not be the best, but it's certainly enjoyable," the businessman said as he pocketed the flash drive just handed to him by the Informant.

"I'm sorry, but I have other things to take care of, so if you'll excuse me..."

"I understand. The money will be transferred into your account as soon as I'm done here. It really was nice meeting you," Ueda said and took another sip from the cup of sake.

Izaya's cheerful mask stayed on until he left the restaurant, his smile morphing into disgust the moment he was out the door. There was nothing to indicate that Ueda posed any danger to him, or that he wasn't an honest businessman trying to recover his stolen data, but that didn't stop Izaya from wanting to get away. He had obviously looked into the man's past, because Izaya liked to know everything about his clients. There was nothing strange about him besides the man's obsession with cheap Japanese food which he always sought when he was in the country because he never got to spend much time in Japan even though it was his home. That or perhaps dining at cheap restaurants was a good way to avoid prying eyes. The only reason Izaya even accepted the job to begin with was because he found the situation to be amusing. Ueda was almost certain that one of his brothers was the one stealing information and selling it to the highest bidder, but no matter how hard he tried to prove it, he couldn't, not until he had Ikebukuro's Informant step in. Ueda was the youngest son, yet he ended up running the company because his two older half-brothers were nowhere near as good as he was when it came to taking care of the family's business, yet those two idiots were still under the wrong impression that they owned the company and that a half-breed like Ueda deserved nothing more than to die in a ditch. Dysfunctional families always caught Izaya's attention because they were interesting to study, so the fact that he got a fat paycheck for doing something he liked was a nice bonus. Besides, the good thing about dealing with Ueda was that he didn't have to worry about getting screwed over, because the man had a reputation of always paying his debts.

Happy to finally be done with the job, he had to decide what to do from there on. He could either roam Ikebukuro for a while and perhaps even visit Shinra, or he could go back home and do some work. Truth be told, he was sick and tired of his apartment, so a stroll through Ikebukuro sounded like a good idea, but then he remembered how that accursed day he was just taking a stroll through Ikebukuro, and also had badly the aforementioned stroll had ended._ No, I can't think like that anymore,_ he told himself just before he forced his legs to move forward, the idea of visiting Shinra sounding better and better by the second. Knowing how dangerous Ikebukuro was, he shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jacket and curled his fingers around the handles of his switchblades. That way, he was always ready to defend himself at a moment's notice. He cringed at the idea of seeing Celty again, but at least the Dullahan mostly treated him the same way as before, which helped a lot because the last thing he needed was for her to suddenly be nice just because of what happened between him and Shizuo. He was actually surprised that Celty gave Shizuo the cold shoulder that time when he called her in the park, which most likely meant that she couldn't forgive him for what he had done. He took a gamble by telling Celty what happened, and even though he now felt uncomfortable that she knew, it was always interesting to observe her actions. That time in the park, and then afterwards in front of his apartment building, she had been tense around him, more so than usual, and she seemed to have dropped the insults as well, which was a huge progress, but even after all that, she was still incapable of hiding her dislike of him. Izaya himself didn't lose anything from revealing the truth, while Shizuo ended up losing his best friend, which meant that, in a way, it was almost funny for the so called 'good guy' to lose his friends to the 'bad guy'. Izaya knew that it was hard to physically hurt a man like Heiwajima Shizuo, so psychological torture was the best way to break him. He now understood that he shouldn't have tried to hurt Kasuka, not when he himself ended up getting hurt in the process, and he was starting to have mixed feelings about Slon, because even though he'd been one of his humans, he was also someone capable of committing rape, and Izaya was starting to dislike such people more and more.

He shook his head, hoping that he would stop thinking about the person he ended up killing with his own two hands. _There's no point in dwelling on the past now,_ he told himself just as he was about to cross the street, not expecting to get grabbed by both his arms. For a split second he thought that he was going to be sick, but in the next one his instinct kicked in, and before he even knew what he was doing, he tore himself away from their hold and pressed his switchblades against the throats of his younger sisters dressed in their usual gymnastics outfits. They all looked at each other in surprise for a few suffocating moments, until Mairu shot him a glare and smacked away his hand.

"Iza-nii, move that switchblade away from Kururi's neck before I shove it down your throat," Mairu said in a bored tone.

"Ah... sorry," he said and lowered both his arms, cringing at his monumental blunder. They were the last people he expected to run into on his way to Shinra, and now that he saw them again, he didn't even know what to say. The three of them weren't like most siblings who worried and cared for one another. If anything, Izaya was almost sure they would be happy if he died.

Mairu's eyes narrowed into slits and she glared at him. "I see that Iza-nii is still as paranoid as ever," she said before pulling Kururi closer to her.

Izaya pushed the blades back in and shoved them into the pockets of his jacket where they belonged. "Being paranoid is what kept me alive so far."

"We thought you got killed," Mairu said as she took a picture of him and typed something before sending the message and snapping her phone shut. "All right, all done now."

"What did you do?" he asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion because his two sisters were never up to anything good.

"Some people were betting on whether you were dead or alive, so I gave them the proof that you're still alive."

Izaya sighed loudly, knowing that he couldn't win against them no matter what he did, and if proving that their brother was alive was what they had in mind, there was nothing he could do to stop them. "Yes, well, as you can see, I'm still very much alive," he said just before he was completely taken by surprise when Kururi gave him a hug. _Eh?_ He looked down at Kururi, not knowing how to react, his sisters being the only two humans besides Shizuo that he didn't know how to deal with. They used to annoy him a lot when they were children, and he still clearly remembered the day when he told them how they were copies of each other and as such they had no real purpose, so he couldn't understand why Kururi would do something so nice.

"We're on our way to meet Mikage-sensei, so we have to go now. We'll see you around, Iza-nii," Mairu said and pulled Kururi away from their brother before she started walking away.

Izaya flinched at hearing Mikage's name, but he pushed that aside because he was curious about something else. "Wait! I want to ask you something," he said and almost laughed when they both turned around at the same time. _They really are like copies of each other._ "How would you feel if I died?"

Mairu thought about it for a bit before giving her brother an honest answer. "I think that we would be sad and that we would miss you in the beginning, but after a while we would laugh at you for being dumb enough to get killed by Heiwajima Shizuo."

"I see..." he said before turning around and walking away, his brittle smile proof of how their words hurt him more than he ever wanted to admit.

No one really seemed to care about him besides Shinra, which was ridiculous in itself, because the doctor wasn't supposed to care about anyone except Celty. Humans were as irrelevant to Shinra as they were important to Izaya, so it was ironic that two such people could ever be friends. Then again, neither of them was normal, and that was another reason to pay him a visit; it always made him feel a bit better whenever they talked. Luck however was not on his side that day, not after running into the van gang, as though the universe was conspiring to give him a hard time. He tried to sneak past them without being noticed, but the idiot Dotachin spotted him, the man having the annoying talent of noticing everyone around him.

"Oi, Izaya, wait! Oi!" Kadota kept calling him to get his attention.

Izaya grit his teeth in frustration, but he put on a smile nonetheless before he turned around and made his way to the van. "Dotachin, long time no see."

"Izayan is still alive!" said Erika as she poked her head through the slightly open door.

"I'm not that easy to kill," Izaya bragged with a smirk on his face.

Kadota laughed and gave him a pat on the back. "Just like a cockroach."

Seeing how Kadota was actually a bit happy to see him alive, Izaya decided to ignore the offensive remark. Dotachin wasn't a bad enough guy to want to see him dead. He chuckled, already starting to feel a bit better. "That's no way to talk me, **Dotachin."**

"What's with you and your obsession with calling people retarded nicknames?" Kadota asked, exasperated.

Izaya shrugged, and then chuckled. "Dotachin is Dotachin."

Kadota shook his head and leaned against the van. "Seriously now, where were you?"

Izaya almost cringed at the question, but he succeeded in keeping his smirk even though he knew that it must've faltered for a moment. "Busy," was his simple answer.

"You know, I asked Shizuo if he saw you around, and you know what he said?" he asked Izaya, wanting to know what happened between the two of them. He still clearly remembered that time when he ran into Shizuo and how surprised he was about the man's strange behavior and his refusal to answer any of his questions regarding Izaya, as well as pretty much seeing him flee as though he had something to hide. He was certain that something bad happened between them, but he couldn't imagine what that was exactly. The only thing he knew was that it had to be more than their usual banter to make them both act so strangely. "Izaya?" he asked, eyes narrowing in confusion when he noticed how pale the Informant turned after hearing his question.

"No idea, but like I said, nothing happened, just the usual," he said and waved a dismissive hand, hoping that Dotachin would stop questioning him.

Kadota's eyes narrowed into slits and he glared at Izaya for blatantly lying to him. "I might not be you, but please don't insult my intelligence."

Erika nodded before jumping out of the van and closing the door behind her. "Dotachin is smart," she said and smiled.

"Tch, you're both still as annoying as ever," Izaya said as he folded his arms in front of him.

"Izayan is hiding something," Erika chirped.

Izaya snapped, tired of their questions and sick of people prying into his life. "That's none of your business!"

"Whoa, relax, I was jus―" Kadota started but never got to finish because he heard a familiar voice from somewhere behind.

"Oi, Kadota, have you seen th―" Shizuo asked, and then choked on the words when he saw who else was there with them.

They all froze, their eyes wide as they stared at one another, the tension between them almost palpable.

Shizuo swallowed the lump in his throat, and he had to force his mouth to open in order to speak. "Izaya..." he said softly, not failing to notice the way in which Izaya unconsciously moved behind Kadota. "H-hey..."

Izaya's broken laugh shattered the awkward silence. He didn't like being taken by surprise. He wanted to meet Shizuo again, but he wanted to be the one who sought him out instead of running into him when he wasn't mentally prepared to face him. It truly was the worst possible way in which they could've met that day.

Kadota looked at them in confusion, not sure what was going on between the two archenemies. Izaya would usually run, and Shizuo would start chasing him, yet there they were, staring at one another but not doing anything else. "Oi, what happened?" he asked again, hoping to get an answer, only to almost flinch when Izaya shot him a murderous glare.

_The timing couldn't have been worse,_ thought Izaya as he kept glaring at Kadota. _Then again, perhaps this is a great opportunity._ The corners of his lips moved upwards, and his smirk turned feral at the thought of torturing the beast some more. He raised his hands in a placating gesture. "Ok, all right, I'll tell you what happened," he said and watched as the color drained from Shizuo's face.

"Izaya, w-wait," Shizuo said in a weak, almost pleading voice.

Izaya lowered his hands and chuckled. "Why? Dotachin here asked me a question."

Kadota reluctantly nodded.

"You see, Shizu-chan here caught me a couple of months ago," Izaya said and laughed when he heard the gasps coming from Dotachin and Erika, his eyes sparkling in malicious delight at the way in which Shizuo's entire body language screamed misery and dread.

"What happened...?" Kadota dared to ask, now curios to know what had transpired between the two of them.

Izaya leaned against the van and tried to come up with a way to tell them the truth but at the same time to keep it hidden from them. No matter how much he wanted to hurt the beast, he couldn't go around telling people what really happened between them. All he had to do was to phrase his answer in such a way that Dotachin would think that he got beaten while the brute would understand exactly what Izaya meant. He chuckled darkly, now knowing what to say in order to inflict maximum damage. "Shizu-chan took great pleasure in breaking my body, you wouldn't even believe it! He was so brutal that by the time he was finally done, I couldn't even walk anymore. Ah, Shizu-chan truly is a monster..."

Kadota flinched at the confession, knowing that Shizuo's must've really lost it if he'd hurt Izaya that badly.

Erika on the other hand squealed. "Shizu-Shizu and Izayan finally admitted their love for one another!" she chirped and clapped her hands. "I always had a feeling that Shizu-Shizu was a beast in bed." She turned to Izaya, her eyes sparkling. "I knew it! Shizu-Shizu must be really big if you couldn't even walk afterwards."

All three males stared at her in disbelief, both Izaya and Shizuo feeling faint, while Kadota was simply disgusted by her words.

"Shut up," Shizuo said, somewhat in shock after hearing her disgusting speculations. She was obviously not that far from the truth, but she got it all wrong nonetheless.

"How can you fantasize so easily about men you know in real life?" Kadota asked and shook his head in disapproval.

"But we all know that Shizu-Shizu and Izayan secretly love each other!" Erika continued, now in full fujoshi mode.

"Shut up," Shizuo repeated, this time a bit louder as he fixed her with the full force of his glare, rage starting to dangerously surge through his veins.

Erika pouted, not yet realizing the danger she was in. "You can't hide it anymore, so there's no point in denying it!"

Izaya's knees turned to jelly, and he feared they would buckle if he stayed there for much longer. He should've predicted that Erika would twist his words to suit her fucked up fantasies.

"SHUT UP!" Shizuo shouted, her ignorance obviously hurting Izaya, the flash of awareness in those crimson eyes telling him that Izaya knew what was about to happen if the fujoshi didn't stop.

Erika didn't seem fazed by the outburst, so she continued with her ignorant rant. "If I were to guess, I'd say that it was rough, passionate sex. Did Shizu-Shizu make Izayan scream in pleasure over and over again?" she asked, her brain getting bombarded by mental images of the two men engaged in sexual acts.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Shizuo snapped just before he stomped to the nearest stop sign he could find and uprooted it from concrete, his expression wild as he turned around, his eyes zero-ing in on the fujoshi. **"Shut up,"** he repeated, this time in a tone so dangerous that made Erika cower in fear.

Kadota moved in-between the livid Shizuo and the terrified Erika in an attempt to stop the conflict before it went any further, but even he knew that nothing could save his friend if Shizuo didn't snap out of it. "Calm down, Shizuo. I know she's a bit strange, but there's no reason to overreact," he said, and then almost felt like shrinking back himself when Shizuo stomped towards them. He did however succeed in keeping his ground, and by the time Shizuo reached him, both Walker and Saburo were back, and that helped a bit, because Walker pulled Erika away while Kadota tried to tackle Shizuo in an attempt to distract him from his target.

It was then when Shizuo finally came back to his senses and he dropped the street sign, Erika's terrified expression making his stomach churn. _I could've hurt her,_ he thought, struck by shock. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice trembling. His eyes darted around to see how Izaya was doing, but he wasn't there anymore, so Shizuo dashed past the van gang, felling regret for losing his control like that. _I'm sorry, Izaya. I'm so sorry..._


	30. Reasonable Doubt

**Chapter 30: Reasonable Doubt**

.

Izaya's steps faltered not too long after he rushed out of there with quick, edgy strides, his heart rate accelerating the moment he heard Erika's haunting words, incessant chills oscillating across his spine as images of the cruel way in which he had been raped―as opposed to what the disgusting fujoshi had envisioned―crashed into the forefront of his mind, an oppressive feeling of suffocation giving him the impression that he was being smothered. He struggled to breathe, but the pain in his chest was making the task extremely difficult, so his hand shot up to the wall he was walking next to, fearing that his knees would buckle and that he would collapse in the middle of the street as the numbness started to spread throughout his body. Trembling, he leaned against it with his right shoulder for a few moments before he stumbled forward, finally becoming aware through the barrage of terrifying images that he was having a panic attack. Startled by the realization, his quivering hands clenched into fists, eyelids fluttering for a few moments before revealing vexed crimson eyes, teeth gritting in irritation and fury simmering just below the surface at the shameful way in which his body ended up reacting after hearing the ignorant woman's ghastly words. He kept on scuffing his feet across the ground, his fitful ragged breaths making his vision flicker, heightening the sense of nausea burning through the pit of his stomach.

He inwardly cursed Karisawa Erika, the depraved woman having completely startled him with her delusional assumptions, reminding him just how damaged he still was after what had happened, Shizuo's ferocious attack altering his mind in ways he never thought possible. Infuriated by the outcome of his accidental run-in with the beast, the fujoshi and Dotachin, he barely restrained himself from slamming a fist into the dirty wall he was using as support, the fog in his mind instantly clearing the moment he felt the air behind him shift and he was roughly shoved face-first against the rough surface. Something sharp was swiftly thrust into his left side, and he opened his mouth in a wordless cry, eyes widening in disbelief at not having sensed the peril until it was too late. Trying to reach either of his switchblades, his hands bolted towards the pockets of his coat, but his attempt culminated in failure as both his arms were grabbed by two of his attackers while the third one emptied his pockets before they started dragging away towards a more secluded street. The knife was still wedged into his side to most likely discourage him from screaming for help, the threat of that sharp blade sinking deeper into his flesh keeping him compliant despite his body's urge to get away from it at any cost.

"What do y-you want?" he asked through clenched teeth as he was steered around a corner, jaw stiffening from the sheer effort it took to not cry out in pain each time he was forced to take a step forward, the blade painfully jabbing into his flesh. Glaring at the uncommunicative men on either side, he inwardly cursed, fuming about not only the stab wound, but also about the cut in his favorite coat. After what Shizuo had done to him that night, he found himself unable to wear his other coat no matter how many times he had it cleaned, eventually resigning himself to the loss and dressing Kasuka in it before shipping him off to the beast. Turning his head away from the guy who was holding onto both the knife and his left arm, his eyes widened in apprehension when he realized that he was being led towards the far end of a closed off alley, most likely the place where they were planning to kill him. He started struggling, a strangled cry escaping him, the sound reverberated off the walls when the knife was abruptly pulled out of his side and he was shoved away roughly, the momentum making his body painfully collide with the wall before his feet finally found purchase. Grunting in pain, he leaned against the wall and turned around, the black t-shirt he was wearing underneath the coat clinging to his skin as a result of the blood pouring out of the stab wound and soaking the material. He raised his head to glower at the three men, his eyes widening in terror when he noticed Ikebukuro's beast stomping towards them, a sense of impending torment that was about to come slamming into his being so hard that he ended up quailing in the corner, the fury in the man's darkened eyes bringing back the sensation of being assaulted in vivid detail. When it came right down to it, he didn't trust the beast to not lose it and attack him again, Heiwajima Shizuo being nothing more than a monster pretending to be human.

"What's going on here?" Shizuo growled out the words, eyes burning with rage the moment they fell on the bloody knife poised in his direction.

"Nonya business!" scowled the one holding it, his friends fishing out the switchblades they had previously snatched from the man they had been hired to kill.

"It **is** my fucking business if you shitheads try to take away my prey!" he snarled, furious at the weak creatures before him for creating a scenario that reminded him so much of what had transpired between himself and Izaya in a not so different alley.

"And who the hell are you?"

"Heiwajima Shizuo, Ikebukuro's strongest," he answered curtly, their surprised gasps telling him they knew who he was.

"In that case, go right ahead," said the man with the bloody knife as he moved out of the way, anxious to watch Ikebukuro's strongest beat the other man to death.

For the first time in over two months, Izaya felt hopelessness. It was bad to run into Shizuo on a good day, but for the man to find him when he was both injured and weaponless was the worst outcome of his current imbroglio. His eyes remained transfixed on Shizuo's scowling face as the man approached him, and he couldn't help but wonder if Ikebukuro's beast would be merciful this time around and simply finish him off by twisting his neck or by choking him to death instead of doing his best to break both his body and mind before leaving him to die in a pool of his own blood. He trembled despite himself as Shizuo narrowed the distance until he was right in his face, the proximity to the beast making his muscles tense and his body push harder into the wall in an attempt to somehow disappear through it. He had no doubts that Shizuo would finish him off, not after hearing the beast refer to him as _prey,_ and he barely stifled a wail at the unfairness of it all. "Shizu-chan is such a liar," he said, his voice sounding bitter, betrayed, as though he was expecting more out of Shizuo after their discussion in the park. He accusingly glared at him, but the beast grabbed him by the coat and he jerked backwards, eyes widening in disbelief when the monster proceeded to unbutton it and yank it off his left shoulder before tugging at the bloody t-shirt. He tried to wrestle his way out of the beast's hold, but the hand pushing him into the wall was unyielding, the blood gushing out of his wound leaving him too sluggish to efficiently fight back.

"Holy shit, dude, you gonna do what I think ya gonna do?" Shizuo heard one of the punks say and he snapped, his fist flying straight into the wall. The punch left behind a crater next to Izaya's ear, the flea's shocked expression as the skinny boneless body slid down the wall only serving to further increase his already overflowing fury. "KILL! KILL! KILL!" he chanted but struggled to maintain control, the urgent need to do something that didn't involve violence burning him from within, knowing that if he let loose, it would most likely end in a massacre. Shoving trembling hands into his pockets, he hurriedly drew whatever he found inside, including the flea's switchblade and his apartment keys, immediately glaring at them, irritated, before shoving the useless items back in and lighting up a cigarette. He took a drag from it, an imperceptible amount of tension dissipating from his body when the nicotine finally filled his lungs. Infinitesimally calmer now, he turned his attention towards the men who had stabbed Izaya, something sharp stinging his back, once, twice, thrice, before he finally turned around, catching the flea's wrist mid-swing on its way to stabbing him into his chest. He froze, torn between crushing it and letting go, until their eyes locked and it was like he was seeing that same frightened yet accusing look from that night when he ended up doing the biggest mistake of his life. _Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't fucking do it!_ he inwardly repeated until he found the strength to pull back his hand before losing the battle and pulverizing Izaya's wrist. He roughly pushed away the livid flea before he turned towards the others with the intention of using them as an outlet for his anger, figuring that it was better to crush them to smithereens instead of taking it out on Izaya. "IMMA KILL YOU DEAD! IMMA KILL YOU DEADER THAN DEAD!" Shizuo barked, the deep fury that seemed to make his eyes burn startling the three men into a violent recoil. He dashed towards the guy with the bloody knife and punched him so hard in the face that the man ended up flying out of the alley and across the street, his friends shrieking in horror while they tried to run, their short sprint ending abruptly when Shizuo grabbed them by the back of their necks and banged their heads together, a few droplets of blood landing on his face. Not yet satisfied, he threw them in the same direction as the first guy, knowing that if he saw their faces again he would most likely kill them. Still pissed off, he was about to take another drag from the cigarette when hysterical laughter erupted from somewhere behind him, the sight of a laughing flea bringing back more of the bad memories that often haunted him.

"What are you going to do now, hmm? Kill me, or try to break me?" Izaya asked once he finally stopped laughing, the switchblade he'd snatched from Shizuo's pocket now pointed in his archenemy's direction. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw that the beast was walking around carrying the weapon he took away from him more than two months prior, and he briefly wondered why Shizuo would do such a thing, but he didn't have time to dwell on it when the beast was right in front of him, most likely enjoying his distress. "Sorry to disappoint you, Shizu-chan, but I won't beg this time either," he stated in a confident voice. "I will never completely break," he added, even though he dreaded what the beast would do next.

Shizuo watched the brittle smile on the flea's face and he felt his heart plummet. He should've crushed those men the second he saw them, but he didn't want to risk beating them up without checking if that blood really belonged to the flea, knowing full well that the bastard would most likely lie or invent some stupid shit if he'd asked him. He knew well enough what a fucked up human being Izaya was and how much he enjoyed screwing with people's minds for his own sick amusement. He also didn't want to risk them killing Izaya before he could stop them, so he had no choice but to pretend to want to kill him as well. "I'm not going to do anything," he finally said and took another drag from the cigarette, the bloody switchblade in Izaya's hand reminding him of his own stab wounds.

Scowling, Izaya glared daggers at him. "How can you say that after you almost ripped my clothes off?!" he asked and quickly pulled the coat back over his left shoulder. "Oh, I see! You wanted to get rid of the audience first! Shizu-chan is either really possessive or extremely shy."

Shizuo's brow twitched in annoyance, and he snapped the cigarette in half with a low growl before taking a deep breath and trying to calm down enough to not want to break the louse's bones so badly. "Fucking flea," he mumbled," let's get you to Shinra."

Izaya blinked in surprise and watched the blond with a confused expression as the beast turned around and started walking away. "What...?" he asked none too smartly, his brain still trying to process the visual and audio information it was receiving, finding it hard to believe that Ikebukuro's beast would simply walk away after he had just stabbed him multiple times. He shook his head in an attempt to wake up, but he immediately regretted it when the world around him continued to spin even after he'd stopped. Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes and waited for it to stop spinning before he finally took a step forward and followed the beast, his right hand still tightly clenched around the switchblade. "Shizu-chan, wait!" he chirped and staggered out of the alley and into the street. "So let me get this straight... you're not going to _rape_ me again?" he asked and waited for that look of absolute guilt to cross the beast's face, a satisfied smile gracing his lips the moment Shizuo cringed and seemed to shrink back as though he'd just been whipped.

Shizuo cursed and lit up another cigarette, the flea's question hurting him more than the stab wounds the insect had previously inflicted. "No, flea, I'm not going to r-rape you again," he stuttered after exhaling the smoke, hating the way his voice sounded.

"Aww, Shizu-chan finally found the courage to say the word! Iza-chan is so proud of you!" he cooed.

"Shut up and move already," he grumbled, "or are you planning to stay here and bleed to death?"

"Oh!" Izaya exclaimed, surprised that he had almost forgotten about his stab wound while talking to Shizuo. "It's a good thing that Shinra's apartment is nearby. Ah, but before we go, I need some information." Ignoring Shizuo's confused look, he headed towards the three men writhing in pain on the other side of the street. "Shizu-chan, can you go fetch my switchblades?" he asked and then chuckled when he heard the brute mumble something under his breath before going to do as he was told. "Hey, you, wake up!" Izaya said and proceeded to crush the man's hand under the sole of his shoe. "Who sent you?"

"Ple-please s-stop!" the man cried out in pain.

"I will if you tell me who sent you," he promised, his voice so sweet that it was almost nauseating.

"Ue... Ueda..."

"I see," Izaya said flatly, his expression blank as he kicked the man in the side as hard as he could. "That's for stabbing me."

"Got 'em," Shizuo said from across the street.

"Shizu-chan is like a bloodhound!" he chirped and languidly walked over to retrieve his weapons from the brute's hand, snatching them none too gently and shoving them into the left pocket of his coat, still unwilling to let go of the bloody switchblade he had previously retrieved from the beast's pocket. He pulled out his phone and tried calling Celty, immediately scowling again when the Dullahan didn't answer. He glared at Shizuo as though it was his fault, pissed off at having to walk all the way to Shinra's place when he was injured. "Move, beast!" he ordered and then laughed when Shizuo muttered some unflattering words under his breath before going ahead. Now that he wasn't in immediate danger of getting assaulted by the brute, he fished out his phone again, dialed a number, and waited for the person on the other end to pick up.

_"Orihara-san, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call so soon after our meeting?"_

"I must confess that I wasn't expecting you to send people to kill me," Izaya said in a monotone voice in an attempt to hide his irritation.

_"What...?"_

"I guess that it was wrong of me to assume that Ueda-san was an honorable man."

_"Orihara-san, I did not send anyone to kill you."_

"The man who stabbed me gave me your name."

_"I assure you that I had nothing to do with it… but it might've been one of my brothers,"_ Ueda added as an afterthought.

"That's possible," Izaya conceded.

_"I apologize for getting you involved in this. I will make sure that neither of my brothers will ever bother you again, I give you my word."_

Izaya sighed loudly. "If Ueda-san gives me his word, there's nothing more I can do about it."

_"I will take care of it."_

"Please do," Izaya said before ending the conversation and looking at the beast, the blood soaking the black jacket bringing a sadistic smirk to his face at the memory of his switchblade sinking into the brute's flesh. The man was really a monster, walking around with three stab wounds as though it was nothing, while Izaya himself was having troubles keeping up with him. The whole situation seemed surreal, and he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps he was hallucinating.

"You should put that switchblade away," Shizuo suggested once they approached the main street.

"No."

"You're going to scare people if you walk around like that," he tried again, hoping to reason with him.

"No means no, you protozoan!" Izaya snapped before inhaling a ragged breath, his left hand shooting towards the nearest wall to use as a support.

"Fine," Shizuo said wearily just before he turned left around a corner and kept walking for a while until he noticed that the bastard was not following. Cursing under his breath, he went back and found the insect leaning against a wall, looking as though he was about to pass out. "Ok, that's it, we're doing this my way," he muttered before reaching out to sling Izaya's arm back over his shoulder, the flea's switchblade flying to his neck so fast that he didn't even have time to react.

"What do you think you're doing?" Izaya growled through clenched teeth, pushing the switchblade deeper until blood started to flow down the beast's neck.

"Apparently getting cut by the bastard I was trying to help," he said softly as to not deepen the incision done with an expert's precision.

Izaya chuckled darkly. "Does helping me make you feel less guilty about what you did to me?"

"Yeah," was his simple, honest answer.

Lowering his switchblade in a sign of begrudged compliance, he stared at Shizuo with the cruelest smirk he could muster, trying not to think of the way the proximity made his skin crawl or how disgusted he felt just from being touched by the beast. "Lead the way," he said, his mind going in overdrive trying to come up with ways to punish the protozoan as soon as they got to Shinra's place. Normally, he would've rather crawled by himself all the way there, but the idea of seeing how uncomfortable Shizuo would be around Shinra and Celty seemed too good to pass. He knew that it would crush the beast to see his friends look at him with hate, disgust and perhaps even disappointment, and Izaya couldn't wait to see his wounded expression.

After hooking an arm around the flea's back, Shizuo proceeded to walk towards the doctor's apartment, wincing each time someone either screamed or yelped in shock at the sight of the bloody switchblade and of their injured bodies. He barely restrained himself from seizing the damn thing once and for all, and by the time they reached the apartment building Izaya looked about ready to pass out. "Almost there," he said and dragged the flea up the stairs and into the elevator, not failing to notice the way in which the man stiffened the moment they were alone. _What a messed up day,_ he thought. He couldn't wait for the moment when he could finally unhand Izaya because it felt damn awkward to be so close to the man after what had happened between them. He almost sighed in relief once they were out of the elevator, but the feeling was soon replaced by dread at the thought of having to face Shinra. His eyes drifted to Izaya's smirking face as they kept walking, and that's when he realized why the flea had accepted his help in the first place. "Bastard," he hissed and then watched as the man ignored him and banged his fist against the door, leaving a few smudges of blood behind. The door swished as it opened, Shinra's furious expression almost making him quake.

**"What did you do?"** Shinra asked in a low, dangerous tone, heart beating wildly inside his rib cage and his right hand tightening around the scalpel he carried around in the pocket of his lab coat.

"As much as I'd **love** to see you attack Shizu-chan, I'll go right ahead and say this is not his fault," he said while pointing to his bloody side, "although I must confess that I thought of lying just to see you punch him again."

Shinra glared, his grip around the scalpel loosening as some of the tension left his body. "What stopped you?"

"The memory of you butchering my bullet wound," Izaya tiredly uttered.

"Here, let me help you inside," Shinra offered, unable to stand the monster's presence any longer.

"It's fine, I have Shizu-chan here to help me, you go get everything ready," he told the doctor, enjoying the brute's discomfort as the beast dragged him inside and dumped him onto the coffee table before straightening his back and standing there uncomfortably. "What's wrong, beast?"

"I should go," Shizuo said through clenched teeth before he ran a hand through his dyed locks.

"Yes, you should. Please get out of my house," Shinra demanded, disgust lacing his words.

Shizuo almost sighed in relief at the words, more than happy to get out of there, but Izaya grabbed his wrist before he even had a chance to move a muscle, the man's cruel smirk telling him that his torture was far being from being over.

"Shizu-chan is hurt too! You're a doctor, Shinra; you can't just chase him out of your house before treating his injuries!" Izaya complained with a pout.

"Watch me," Shinra hissed and proceeded to push Shizuo away, his attempt at kicking the man out of his apartment being hampered by Izaya who refused to let go of the wrist he had previously captured.

"But Shinra," Izaya whined, "he could die. Do you really want him to die?" he asked, his eyes fixed on the brute's face so that he could see exactly how much it would hurt him to hear the answer.

"Yes, just die, asshole!" Shinra viciously spat out the words and kept pushing, hoping that Izaya would let go this time.

Izaya watched with a sort of twisted satisfaction at the way in which Shizuo's body seemed to completely deflate at Shinra's words, as though all of his energy had been sucked right out of him. "That's right, beast," he viciously spat out the words, "your friends hate you so much, they wish for your death. Was it worth it?" he asked and watched Shizuo's face twist in agony.

"If they hate me so much, they should've just let me die when I wanted to!" Shizuo wailed and tore himself away from their grips, limbs shaking with fine tremors.

Izaya gaped at him, for once at a complete loss for words.

"Shoulda died..." Shizuo added in a trembling voice.

"You tried to kill yourself?" Izaya asked once he found his voice again.

Shinra gave a grunt of assent. "He did, but Celty and I stopped him. The coward tried to run away from responsibility by ending his pathetic life."

"That's not what I was trying to do!" Shizuo snarled, pissed off at how they were misunderstanding his actions.

"Shizu-chan doesn't have the right to die, because I'm not done yet," Izaya declared, his red eyes glowing dangerously. "Now sit down, beast!" he ordered, enjoying the looks of confusion on both Shinra and Shizuo's faces. **"Sit!"**

Shinra raised his arms in a sign of defeat. "I give up. He can stay, but I'm not treating any of his wounds. I'd rather get beaten within an inch of my life than help this monster," he said and proceeded to move Izaya to the room he used as a lab. "Celty will be home soon."

"Don't you dare leave while I'm getting sewed up," Izaya warned before scuffing his feet across the floor and out of the living room while leaning against Shinra.

Shizuo stared at their retreating backs, only allowing his worn out body to collapse on the coffee table once they were out of sight. Hunching forward, he tugged at his hair in despair, the impression that he was plummeting towards a deep, dark abyss squeezing his heart so tightly that he could hardly breathe. _Shoulda let me die..._


	31. Howl Of The Gathered

**Chapter 31: Howl Of The Gathered**

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Shinra grit his teeth as he helped Izaya out of his coat and then out of the bloody t-shirt, trying his best to not completely snap at the man. "Sit!" he ordered and pointed at the hospital bed before he stomped towards the other side of the room to pick up disinfectant as well as some gauze to clean up the wound before sewing it.

Izaya mechanically sat down, too distracted by Shizuo's confession to notice the doctor's furious expression until the man was right in his face, ferocious eyes staring at him as though he was about ready to slaughter him. Startled, he recoiled from the glare, knowing full well just how dangerous the mad doctor was when he lost it. "W-What...?" he stuttered, wondering why his friend was so enraged.

"What you ask...? **What?****"** he growled and grabbed Izaya's arm to pull him closer so that he could clean the wound.

Izaya nearly trembled at the fury emanating from the doctor, and he clenched his jaw and tried not to cringe as the man kept staring at him, the silence stretching for what felt like an eternity before Shinra finally released him and proceeded to clean the wound none too gently. He nearly recoiled again when Shinra threw him a glare, a frightening thought taking root into his mind and refusing to fade away. Now worried about what the man would do, he watched as Shinra threw away the gauze, his red eyes following his every move, and then he bit into his lower lip in apprehension when the doctor picked up the needle with the holder and moved to sew the wound. "W-Wait! Wait!" he screeched when it looked like the frightening thought from mere moments before was about to turn into reality.

"Is there a problem?" Shinra asked in a cold voice, Izaya's reckless behavior infuriating him so much that he could barely restrain himself from smacking the idiot.

"You can't be s-serious about this!" Izaya said in a trembling voice, his eyes momentarily flickering down to the needle before locking with the doctor's dark grey ones. He wasn't one to be afraid of humans in general, but Kishitani Shinra was no ordinary man, and as such he dreaded to be anywhere near him when the doctor was in one of his sadistic moods. Judging by the way he was staring at him, it didn't look like he was planning to stand down, so Izaya pushed him away and jumped off the bed, wincing when more blood gushed from the stab wound. "I'd rather go to a hospital instead of getting tortured by you again," he said through clenched teeth, his brows furrowing in confusion when he heard him sigh.

"Fine, I will use local anesthesia," Shinra said and went to pick up a syringe.

Izaya watched him for a few moments before he reluctantly sat down again, feeling as though he had just dodged a bullet. He wasn't one to complain about pain in general, but after the agony he had to suffer because of Shizuo, he preferred to avoid it as much as possible. He knew that no matter what he said, Shinra would still be mad at him, so he chose to remain quiet while the doctor injected him with the anesthetic and began to sew the cut, musing on how to punish the monster sitting in the living room.

"The stab wound was not very deep. What happened?" Shinra asked once he was done, surprised that Izaya got stabbed to begin with.

"Ah, you see, I ran into Shizu-cha―"

"So it was that monster!" Shinra hissed and grabbed him by the arm, his mind set on finding out the truth even if he had to beat it out of him.

"No, it wa―"

"Why are you protecting him?"

"I'm not!" Izaya snapped, red eyes staring into Shinra's furious ones. "I hate him so much that I can barely restrain myself from going out there and slitting his throat!"

Shinra just glared at him, unable to comprehend why the man would ever want to be anywhere near that monster. "Why did you bring him here and asked me to treat him after what he did to you?" he inquired, hoping for an explanation that made sense.

"He can't die until I'm fully satisfied," Izaya said in a hollow voice while staring into nothingness.

"You'll never be satisfied!" Shinra snapped, the fury burning through his veins almost making him tremble.

"Perhaps, but I can't stop, because he is anathema to me," Izaya answered honestly.

"Please don't go anywhere near him again," Shinra pleaded as he put a hand on the man's shoulder and squeezed it gently. "I don't want you to get hurt again, I can't... I don't want to see that again."

Izaya clenched his fists into the sheets next to his thighs and lowered his head, the idea of the doctor seeing him the way he was back then and having to treat him making him drown in shame. "I shouldn't have told Kasuka your name that night," he said in a quivering voice. "I shouldn't have gotten you involved―"

"Stop with that nonsense!" Shinra growled in an uncharacteristic way, pissed off that Izaya was so dumb to believe that he would rather see him dead than to take care of his injuries. He had to find a way to make the idiot realize once and for all that he somewhat cared about him. He grabbed the man's jaw and forced his head up until their eyes met. "I'm angry because you're letting him get so close to you. Don't you understand how dangerous he is?"

"I understand," Izaya said and tried to tear himself away from the fingers capturing his jaw, the doctor's worried expression making him feel guiltier than he already felt for bringing the beast there.

"No, you don't, because if you did, you wouldn't go anywhere near him," Shinra said thickly and scrubbed a hand over his face after taking off his glasses, the beginning of a headache creeping up on him. "Do you know the sight I was greeted with when I entered the bathroom that night?"

Izaya laughed brokenly and closed his legs on instinct, the memory of that horrible pain making a shiver run down his spine. "I have a pretty good idea," he finally answered as he dimly stared at his thighs, his vision hazed by the memory of the blood he could almost see running down his legs.

"The water was crimson, that's how much blood you lost. That... that monster, that **animal** ripped you apart. Had I arrived twenty minutes later, you would've been dead right now. Please, **please** stay away from him," Shinra pleaded, his voice thick with emotion. "What if he loses it and attacks you again?"

"Shizu-chan said that he will never hurt me agai―"

"Snap out of it already!" he said and grabbed the idiot by the arms. He tightened his hold on the too skinny limbs and shook him a few times, hoping that Izaya would wake up and see the danger he was in. **"****He can't be trusted!** Do you really want to risk your safety just for revenge? It's not worth it, not if you're dead, because next time he loses it, he will kill you. He might even fuck you to death, is that what you want?!"

Izaya whined pathetically and shook his head. "He said that he wouldn't do it again, and earlier today, he saved―"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Shinra snapped and buried his right hand into the black locks of his idiot patient. "Look at me!" he ordered and forced Izaya's head up again, not letting go even when the man tried to weakly pry away his hand. "I don't care what he says, he will relapse, and then he will rape you again, and maybe next time I won't get to you in time. Is that what you want?"

"I know that he can't be trusted," Izaya said, his body going limp in Shinra's hold.

"Then why?" Shinra asked and released him, exasperated by the man's stubbornness.

Izaya's body shook with incessant tremors, so he raised his legs and hugged his knees, curling into a ball on the hospital bed. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, unable to find his voice. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, so to say them out loud in a way that would make sense seemed like an impossible task. He perfectly understood where Shinra was coming from, but at the same time he couldn't stop wanting to damage Shizuo until the beast was just as broken as he was. He knew that he could get attacked any time he was anywhere near that animal, but judging by the few times he ran into Shizuo, it looked like the stupid monster was finally learning to control his rage at least to some degree. Just knowing that the protozoan regretted his actions made him feel better, because he didn't want to think how it would've been if Shizuo didn't feel any remorse towards what he had done to him.

"Hey," Shinra said softly and sat next to him on the bed, "are you all right?"

"C-Cold," said Izaya in a trembling voice.

Shinra used the opportunity to wrap an arm around Izaya's back and pull him into a hug, the man's surprised gasp followed by weak resistance making him chuckle softly.

"W-What a-are you d-doing?" Izaya stuttered.

"Warming you up."

Izaya stood stock still for a few moments, trying to decide whether he wanted to pull away or to snuggle in closer. He wasn't one for hugging or for sickly sweet signs of affection, but he was so cold that his teeth were chattering, so he gave in and moved closer, a satisfied sigh slipping past his lips once he started warming up.

"If you tell Celty about any of this, I'm going to dissect you," Shinra warned, feeling slightly uncomfortable about the whole thing.

Izaya snickered at first, but then he almost purred like a cat when Shinra started running his hand up and down his back, the man's touch no longer bothering him like it did in the past. The doctor had most likely gauged his reactions to see how far he could go, and Izaya was grateful for that, because at no point did he feel threatened by anything he did.

"I simply can't stay mad at you," Shinra confessed, amusement clear in his voice. "Do you think he left?" he asked in a more serious tone.

"No, because Shizu-chan wants to―" he started but he never got to finish because Shinra's phone beeped and the man fished it out from the pocket of his coat to answer the message.

"It's Celty," Shinra answered the unspoken question before he set the phone on the bed and proceeded to gently run his fingers through Izaya's hair.

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that both you and Shizuo are here, and that I'd appreciate it if she could treat his wounds because I'm busy taking care of you."

Izaya chuckled and tightened his hold around Shinra's torso, his teeth finally ceasing their incessant chattering.

"I'm going to let it go for now, but I expect answers soon," Shinra warned, and he could feel Izaya tense in his arms before the man nodded weakly. He didn't like the idea of Celty being anywhere near that animal, but he didn't like how depressed she appeared to be lately, so he hoped that helping Shizuo would make her feel better, if only a little.

Celty almost dropped her PDA when she read the message, shocked that Shinra would let Shizuo into their home. She immediately jumped on her bike and drove to the apartment in record time, not even caring about the fearsome police officer trying to get her to stop for running a red light at some point. She looked around to make sure that she lost the man, and then she rushed to the elevator. It was only after she found herself inside the apartment and made those last few steps towards the living room that she realized how terrified she was about the whole thing. She wasn't scared of him in the traditional sense of the word, but she dreaded their encounter nonetheless, because the Shizuo sitting dejectedly on the coffee table in her living room was not the same person she once knew. The man before her had sexually abused another person, and even if said person happened to be Orihara Izaya, it was still wrong. It didn't look like he had noticed her presence, so when she sat down on the couch in front of him he jerked in surprise, his startled expression quickly morphing into one of shame.

"Celty, I..." he said in a tormented voice, but didn't find the strength to continue.

[Shinra told me to take a look at your wounds,] she typed on her PDA and showed him the message before she got up and went to retrieve the emergency medical kit they kept in the bathroom. She didn't like the idea of treating Shizuo herself, because she didn't have any confidence in her skills, but she had seen Shinra at work before, and she hoped that she would manage.

"You don't have to do this," Shizuo said when she came back.

Celty's posture turned rigid, and she needed a few moments to clear her absent head before she found the strength to type her reply. [I'm not going to let you die.]

Shizuo cringed at the memory of her struggling to pull the switchblade away from his chest back when he attempted to end his own life, and he felt remorse for scaring her like that. "Thank you," he said, grateful to her for not allowing him to die while still thinking that Kasuka had been irreparably damaged because of him.

[Where are you injured?]

"Back, three stab wounds," he said and proceeded to take off his jacket and t-shirt while Celty got things ready. He wanted nothing more than to get up and run out of the apartment, but no matter how ashamed he felt, he would grit his teeth and endure Izaya's punishment, because it was the least he could do after everything that happened between them.

[Did Izaya do this?] Celty asked just before she grabbed some gauze to clean the wounds.

"Yeah, but it was a misunderstanding. We didn't really fight, if that's what you're thinking," he answered after about a minute of awkward silence, and then noticed how her hand stilled for a moment before she put the bloody gauze away, picked up the needle, and started sewing his wounds.

Celty couldn't be sure if what she was doing was right, but no matter how much she wanted to stomp into the lab, drag Shinra out of there and force him to take over, she couldn't do that to the man she loved. When she had told him to make friends back when he was still in school, she never imagined that he would pick someone as terrible as Izaya, but somehow, the two of them became close, and now she knew that Shinra would even go as far as to murder Shizuo for Izaya if given the opportunity. She hated the current situation, especially the knowledge of what her friend did to the Informant, and when her mind unwillingly envisioned it, she shook her helmet so hard that it dropped to the floor with a clank.

Startled, Shizuo jumped to his feet and turned around, a grunt slipping past his lips when the thread pulled at his skin before it tore away.

Celty immediately put the needle down and picked up her PDA. [I'm sorry!]

"Don't worry about it," he said and went to pick up her helmet while she prepared another needle and thread. "I'm the one who's sorry," he continued after he came back and sat down, still holding onto her helmet. "I ruined everything, haven't I? Don't answer, just hear me out please. First of all, I want to thank you for being a good friend to me all these years. Your calming presence stopped me many times from breaking bones or twisting necks, and for that I'm grateful. You're more human than most people I know, hell, you're more human than I am, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise," he said and held onto her helmet for a few moments longer before setting it down on the coffee table. "I didn't want you to have to do this, but this is another one of Izaya's punishments, to have me see just how much my friends hate me, so I had no choice but to stay here and wait for you."

Celty felt as though an invisible fist had grabbed her heart and was squeezing it without mercy, Shizuos' grief having seeped into his voice as he conveyed his feelings and thoughts. She still couldn't understand how he could jump from beating up people to rape, but at the same time it didn't seem too far fetched if it involved Izaya, because the Informant had the talent of bringing out the worst in Shizuo. She took one look at her 'work of art' and set the needle down before she walked past him and sat down on the couch in front of him. [I don't hate you,] she told him, and watched as his eyes seemed to get some of their life back, [ but I'm disappointed in you, ] she continued, even though she knew that her words would hurt him. She had always been honest with him, and she had no intention of ever changing that about her.

"I'm sorry," Shizuo said and lowered his head, dyed locks hiding his eyes from view.

It broke her heart to see him like that, because he still cared about him, but she wanted to speak her mind, so she typed something again and pushed the PDA into his face until he read the message. [There's no excuse for what you've done.]

He simply nodded, the light blurriness in his eyes telling him that her words hurt him more than he ever wanted to admit.

[I had to clean Izaya's blood off his bathroom floor and tub, and that's not something I wish to ever do again.]

[And Shinra... can you imagine what it must've been like for him to see his best friend like that? I shudder just thinking about it.]

Shizuo felt his heart getting ripped to shreds by her words, and he rapidly blinked his eyes in an attempt to get rid of the tears starting to form at the corners of his eyes.

[However, there is also no excuse for what Izaya did to you.]

Shizuo actually jerked in surprise at that, and he had to read the message twice to make sure that he got it right.

[He tried to get you killed before, and unlike you, he still hasn't shown any remorse for what he's done.]

"He doesn't have to, because he's already paid for it. That's why I did it. In my crazed state, I thought that by doing... that... to him, we would be even," he said, nearly choking on the words.

[Oh...] was Celty's only reply, because she hadn't thought about it that way.

"Thank you again for everything. I don't expect forgiveness from anyone, and if I could go back and undo what I've done, I would do it in a heartbeat, but that's impossible, so all I can do now is live with what I've don―"

"Is Shizu-chan as good as new again?" Izaya asked in a singsong voice and slowly made his way towards the coffee table where he sat down on the opposite side from where the beast was sitting. Gathering his courage, he leaned against Shizuo's back, struggling to fight off the nausea as their naked skins touched, the beast tensing and the surprised noise escaping his lips bringing him enough satisfaction to momentarily distract him from the torture he threw himself into.

"What are you doing?!" Shinra nearly screeched, horrified, shocked by the the man's insane behavior. He immediately grabbed his wrist and tried to pull him up, but Izaya only leaned harder into Shizuo, hoping to inflict some pain on the beast.

"This is doctor brutality!" he cried out in protest and tried to free his wrist from the iron grip. "It's fine, Shizu-chan won't hurt me, right, Shizu-chan?" he asked, his lips quirking upwards into a smirk when the brute made a sound of assent. "Anyway, would you prefer it if I stained your couch with blood?" he asked, pouting, hoping that the doctor would back off because he was having too much fun pressing his shoulder into the brute's injured back.

"YES! I would prefer you did that!" Shinra quickly answered and pulled Izaya so hard that the man ended up crashing into his arms, a surprised yelp followed by a pained grunt spilling past both their lips.

Shizuo sprang to his feet and took a step around the table to go help them, but it didn't look like either of them needed help, so instead he stopped and just stood there watching them.

Izaya tried to push himself away, but Shinra caught him and pulled him back. "Aren't you being a little overprotective?" he asked, his voice betraying some of the annoyance he felt.

"One can never be too overprotective when it comes to someone as foolish as you," Shinra answered in a calm voice as he pushed Izaya behind him, now standing between Shizuo and his idiot patient.

"I'm going home," said Shizuo and turned around, only to stop in his tracks when he heard Izaya's next words.

"Who would've thought that all it took for the two of us to be able to stand in the same room without actively trying to kill each other was for Shizu-chan to almost fuck me to death?" he chirped, thoroughly enjoying the way in which the beast's shoulders sagged after hearing the truth.

Shinra felt all the color drain from his face, and for a moment he feared that his knees might buckle and that he'd fall to the ground like a sack of potatoes. He'd done everything in his power to keep the truth away from Celty, and yet the ungrateful bastard behind him crushed all of his efforts with only a few words.

Izaya didn't even have time to react when Shinra turned around and wrapped both hands around his neck, seriously trying to squeeze the life out of him. He tried to push him away but there was no use, not with the injuries and blood loss he'd suffered that day.

"How dare you hurt my Celty after everything I've done for you?" he hissed, only waking up from his murderous frenzy when Shizuo and Celty grabbed his arms and pried him away from Izaya. "Let go!" he demanded, and then went limp in their hold when he read the text on Celty's PDA.

[I've already known for a while.]

"How did you find out?" he asked, his usual cheerful voice now laced with grief.

Izaya coughed a few times, struggling to breath, the man's strength having taken him by surprise. "I told her," he said and nearly recoiled at the angry glare sent his way.

"I see. You can let go now," Shinra said in a surprisingly calm voice, "I won't attack him anymore," he then added and went to his lab to retrieve Izaya's t-shirt and coat. He quickly made his way back to the living room and threw the bloody clothes in Izaya's direction. "Get out of my house," he said in the coldest tone he could muster before he turned to Shizuo and gave him the same message. "You too. Now."

Both Shizuo and Izaya picked up their clothes and silently made their way out of the apartment, the violent way in which Shinra closed the door making them wince.

"You shouldn't have told her just because you wanted to hurt me," Shizuo said and lit up a cigarette, his deprived lungs screaming for a smoke.

"I didn't," Izaya said in a flat tone and proceeded to put on his clothes.

Shizuo's brows furrowed in confusion.

Izaya sighed and started walking away, Shizuo following closely behind him. "She cornered me in the stairwell, so I had no choice but to tell her. Does your stupid protozoic brain really think that I enjoy telling people how you almost fucked me to death?"

The flea's question took him so badly by surprise that Shizuo choked on the smoke. He stopped in his tracks and coughed a few times, at the same time realizing that it was best if Izaya went ahead.

"Well?" Izaya asked as he turned around, eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"I'll take the stairs," said Shizuo and took another drag from the cigarette.

Izaya shrugged. "Suit yourself. Ah, but before I go, you can have this back," he said and threw him the switchblade, Shizuo barely succeeding in catching it.

"Huh?"

"I wouldn't want to take away such an important trophy," Izaya sneered and threw him a disgusted look. "Consider it your reward for helping me today."

"It's n-not a trophy," Shizuo stuttered, embarrassed at having been caught carrying the weapon around.

Izaya sniggered, eyes sparkling in malevolence. "Then what is it, hmm?"

"A reminder..."

"Of how much you enjoyed it?"

"No!" Shizuo rushed to answer. "Of the biggest mistake I've done in my entire life."

"You might be able to fool Celty, or maybe even Shinra one day, but you will never fool me. I was there, so I know the **real** Heiwajima Shizuo. You might be sorry for what you've done, but I remember your grunts of pleasure and your painful thrusts, as well as your demeaning words, because that's what you wanted, no? You wanted to engrave every single one of them into my body and into my mind so that I'll never forget," he said and pointed to his head.

Shizuo could barely breathe, let alone say anything, so instead he just stood there, watching the man he had tried to break with all of his might.

"Congratulations, Shizu-chan, you succeeded, because I'll never forget," said Izaya before he turned around and started walking away. "I'll see you around," he then added as a promise of the pain that was to come, and he smiled bitterly when he heard Shizuo's fist slam into the wall, because that was the only thing he could do. _We'll definitely meet again and again, until you're just as broken as I am._


	32. Porcelain Heart

**Chapter 32: Porcelain Heart**

.

They both stood there and awkwardly stared at each other for a few long moments, the stifling silence slowly starting to turn unbearable. Shinra knew that he was supposed to say something, but he had no idea what Celty wanted to hear. He sighed out loud and forced his legs to move, immediately noticing the way she tensed as he approached her. He saw her raise the PDA to type something, but he gently grabbed her hand and stopped her. He couldn't read her expression, because she didn't have her head, but everything about her posture told him that she was confused. "Whatever you want to say, it can wait," he told her just before he pulled her into a tight hug.

She hugged him back just as tightly, something she hadn't done since the day she cornered Izaya and forced him to reveal the truth. She hadn't been able to comfort Shinra before, because she didn't want him to know that she was aware of what happened between their two friends, but now that he knew, she hoped that she could somehow help him. She felt a bit guilty for what he was going through, because she was the one who insisted he made connections with other people, but she never imagined that he'd pick Izaya, and as terrible as the Informant was, even she felt some pity towards the man now that she knew what Shizuo had done to him. As much as he liked to believe otherwise, Orihara Izaya was only a man, and even though Shizuo was not exactly a monster, he was pretty close to one, at least in terms of physical strength, so it was only natural for the Informant to lose if he ever got caught. She was certain that it happened the night when Shinra got a strange phone call and went to Izaya's place, because he kept avoiding her questions whenever she inquired about the Informant's health. The bruises on the man's jaw, as well as the ones encompassing his neck, didn't make much sense back then, but now she finally understood why they were nothing like the injuries one would get after a regular fistfight.

"Let's go to the bedroom," Shinra suggested, feeling completely exhausted after the day's events. He sensed her stiffen in his arms and he sighed, feeling a bit hurt that she would think him capable of flirting with her in such a situation. "Do you have such a low opinion of me? I'm really tired, and honestly, at this point, I just want to hold you. I know you want it too," he then added in a completely serious tone.

If she had a head, Celty would've nodded, but she didn't, so all she could do was tighten her hold around his torso and hope that he understood her answer that was both an apology and a concession. She hated herself for only allowing him to be close to her when she sought comfort, but both people and monsters didn't change over night, and her bad habit of kicking him away each time he got close had been deeply ingrained. He released her and led her to the bedroom, and even though Celty knew that it wouldn't be for long, she still missed the warmth of his body.

Shinra kicked his shoes off and barely stopped himself from slumping onto the bed. Instead, he sat down and leaned his back against the headboard before he patted the spot in front of him for Celty to lie on. He smiled a bit when she crawled into his arms, but his joy felt bitter because of the circumstances which had led to it. "They're both the biggest idiots in the whole wide world," he said, and Celty felt her heart shatter into a million pieces, his voice sounding more sorrowful than she ever remembered hearing it before. "Just because I hate Shizuo for what he did, it doesn't mean that I don't understand how it is to lose yourself to your anger. Izaya has this accursed talent of making people want to wring his neck, or to at least wipe that condescending smirk off his face, but you know, that's still no excuse for what that monster did."

She shifted a bit and typed on her PDA before showing it to Shinra. [I still find it hard to believe that he'd do something like that.]

"I understand how you feel. I don't think that I would've believed Izaya even if he told me himself, but the sample I took from him belonged to Shizuo. There's no denying that Izaya is a lying piece of shit sometimes, and quite the monster himself, but Shizuo took it too far. I don't know what Izaya did to piss him off, but Shizuo should've known better... he really should've known better..." said Shinra, his voice trembling in rage towards the end.

[I know that he did it,] she said, and then twisted and turned until she was resting with her back against his chest. It was easier for her to type like that, and also for him to read. [He seemed really broken up about it.]

Shinra hadn't meant to, but he sneered, and he could only hope that Celty wasn't offended by it, because his sneer wasn't directed at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

[It's ok, don't worry about it.]

Shinra shook his head, feeling completely disgusted by Izaya's actions. "It doesn't matter anymore, because I'm done with both of them. I have no issues with Izaya taking revenge on Shizuo, because the monster deserves it, but to get you involved... that's an entirely different matter altogether. I can't forgive the brat, not this time. After everything I've done for him, to get betrayed like that... you could say that my friendship with him ended the moment he dared to hurt you, because that's when I drew the line."

[He didn't hurt me,] Celty rushed to assure him, feeling a bit guilty for breaking their friendship. She didn't like that the two of them were friends, but she couldn't deny that it helped Shinra to become more human, even if his friend happened to be a manipulative bastard.

Shinra grit his teeth harder, his anger towards Izaya burning hotter than ever. "He hurt you, I am certain, because I **know** you."

[No, you don't understand.]

"I understand perfectly," Shinra snorted, his grey eyes glaring daggers at the PDA as though it was responsible for his beloved's suffering.

[I didn't give him a choice,] she confessed.

Shinra's brows furrowed in confusion and he stared at the PDA, his mind trying to process the words written on the screen. "What do you mean?"

[That day when we fought, I cornered Izaya in the stairwell and forced him to tell me the truth.]

He sneered again, now even more pissed off than before. "No one can force Izaya to do anything."

[I wouldn't be so sure about that.]

"It's not like you beat the truth out of him... or did you?" he asked, slightly worried.

[No, but I was a bit rough on him, and I refused to let him go until he told me the truth.]

Shinra didn't know what to say to that, so he kept quiet and allowed her to continue.

[I don't like him,] she said, wanting to get it out of her system before she continued, because she didn't want the two of them to never talk to each other again because of her, no matter how much she despised the man.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and lowered his chin in the crook of her neck. "I know that."

She shivered a bit at the intimate contact but continued to type. [Then you also know that I would never take his side unless he was really innocent.]

He nodded and waited for her to continue.

[He warned me that I would get hurt, and he gave me many chances to walk away,] she admitted, and then took a small pause before typing again, [but I kept pressuring him into telling me what happened.]

Shinra was still mad at Izaya, but at the same time it sounded like the man had no choice but to tell her everything. There had been times when his friend had genuinely seemed scared of him, and he hated that, because Izaya wasn't supposed to ever be scared of anyone. "Perhaps I shouldn't have snapped at him like that," he reluctantly admitted, even though he was still pissed off about the whole situation.

[And I shouldn't have forced him to reveal something that he would've preferred to keep a secret.]

"I shouldn't have hidden the truth from you, but I didn't want to invade Izaya's privacy, and I also didn't want to see you hurt, because I know that Shizuo is your best friend," he said, and then he felt her stiffen in his embrace.

Celty's fingers hovered timidly above the keyboard for a few moments while trying to gather the courage to tell him how she felt about him. [You're my best friend.]

"Only that?" he asked in a voice that sounded almost foreign to him, because he'd never allowed so much bitterness to seep into his tone before.

[No...]

"Then what? Don't tell me that I'm like a little brother to you, because such an answer would certainly crush my heart to smithereens." He expected to get hit, or for her to at least get up, walk out, and then slam the door behind her, but what he didn't expect was for Celty to turn around and to nestle into his arms, her unexpected behavior leaving him so stumped that he had no idea how to react.

Celty slowly raised her hand with the intention to touch his face, and even though he jerked in surprise, she didn't pull back and instead proceeded to caress his cheek.

He kept hoping that one day Celty would be his, but after so long, he was beginning to have doubts, doubts which obviously turned out to be false, because there she was, nestled in his arms, being all affectionate and loving. He gently captured her wrist, pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I don't care if death is the price for my audacity," he said and planted a kiss on her neck. He almost flinched when she started to squirm around, but no bodily harm came to him for his daring actions, and if that wasn't a sign that she was all right with it, then he didn't know what was. He loved everything about her, especially her scent, because she smelled fresh, unlike the human smell of death and decay. If _perfection_ had a name, Shinra knew that its name would be Celty. He smirked against her skin when the black smoke started to retract wherever his lips touched, and he dared to turn her around a bit and to go lower and lower towards her breast, the way she seemed to arch into his touch making him think that she was thoroughly enjoying it. "I love you," he said and then raised his head and crushed her into a hug, because no matter how much he **wanted** her, he didn't wish to take advantage of her when she was feeling depressed about her friend.

The moment he stopped, it was like she had been woken up from a dream, and she immediately used her shadowy smoke to cover her shoulders and neck, suddenly feeling extremely ashamed by how her body ended up reacting to his ministrations. She tried to pull away, because she felt the need to hide from him, but he chuckled darkly and only tightened his hold around her back and waist. "Running is no longer an option," he said in a low voice that almost sounded like a purr.

The passionate words made her shiver, and somehow, she felt hotter than she could ever remember feeling. Celty had known for a very long time that Shinra desired her, so she didn't need Izaya to tell her that, but his words did serve as a wake-up call, and as much as she disliked the man, she was a bit grateful to him for opening her metaphorical eyes. It had been her conscious choice to not let anyone get close to her, because as long as she didn't have her head, she feared that she could die at any moment. It upset her greatly that she was not in control of her own life, but she was slowly starting to realize that by denying her own desires, she was denying herself the right to live. Shinra knew that he could lose her at any moment, and yet he was still willing to follow his heart and to allow himself to love, and if he could do it, then so could she. Even if her head were to be kept safe, and she could go on living for a very long time, Shinra didn't have the same luxury, because his human life was bound to end at some point. It had to be terrifying for humans to live knowing that only death awaited them, to know that one day they would lose everything, be it the fortune they had acquired during their lifetime, or the people they loved or who loved them back. Death was only a possibility in her case, not a certainty, and if she felt that way, she could only imagine how much harder it had to be for Shinra to know that one day he would cease to exist. They both wanted and needed each other, and for the first time since she woke up without her memories, she had no problem in returning his feelings, because now she finally knew that she loved him back. It was only because it was Shinra that she would even consider such a possibility, and she shuddered at the thought of doing something intimate with anyone else. Both Shizuo and Izaya came to mind then, and she tore herself from his arms and rushed to the door.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked in a trembling voice, hoping that he hadn't scared her or anything like that, because after getting a taste of her, he doubted that he could ever go back to not being able to touch her the way he truly wanted to.

[I'm going to see Shizuo,] she said and pressed the handle.

"What?" He nearly screeched and then rushed to grab her arm. "Don't go near him, please," he pleaded, hoping that she would heed his request.

She turned around and caressed his cheek once more with her free hand. [Nothing bad will happen to me, I promise.]

"Please don't go," he tried again.

[I'll be back soon, I promise.]

Shinra reluctantly released her arm, a maelstrom of emotions leaving him unable to think. He had no doubts that she'd be safe, but he still worried about her.

[He won't hurt me,] she said, and then rushed out of the apartment.

The weather was dark and gloomy as she stepped outside, and it felt somewhat fitting of such a depressing day. She got on her motorcycle and petted her beloved Shooter, the affectionate gesture always making her feel a bit better, because her horse-turned-bike was the only companion she had from before she lost her head and her memories along with it. She didn't rush to her destination, because she dreaded the conversation that awaited her, but she had to go there anyway. She could almost understand why people sometimes felt jealous when they saw other people being happy, because now, more than ever, she wished to be as carefree as some of the humans she passed by on her way to Shizuo's apartment. Hers and Shinra's universe had been turned upside down by their friends, but the world didn't seem to know or care. Izaya had interrupted her discussion with Shizuo, but she still wanted to finish it, now more than ever after realizing what a blasphemous thing it was to use sex in such a way.

She spent the rest of the way there thinking about what to tell him, and by the time he reached the apartment, it was starting to get dark outside. It was still pretty early though, and she doubted that he was sleeping, so she raised her hand and knocked a few times until she heard his footsteps as he approached the door.

"C-Celty?" he asked, confused at seeing her so soon after their discussion at Shinra's place. "Why are you here?"

She pulled out her PDA from inside the pocket of her jumpsuit and explained the reason for her visit. [I didn't get to finish what I had to say because Izaya interrupted us, but if you don't mind, I'd like to continue from where we left off.]

He reluctantly nodded and invited her inside. "Does Shinra know that you're here?"

[Yes, I told him before I left.]

He cringed just thinking how pissed off the doctor must've been when she told him where she was going, but he pushed that thought aside and sat down on the couch, his mind set on listening to what she had to say, whether it would tear him apart or bring him sweet relief.

She sat down next to him, not at all worried that he would hurt her in any way, because she was still a monster, and Shinra's worries were unfounded.

"Whatever it is that you have to say, say it, and then go back to Shinra; the sooner the better."

She felt pity for him, and even though she was shocked by what he did to Izaya, she still held the hope that he was not a completely terrible person. [You must be hurting so badly right now,] she said, and then continued when he gave her a grunt of assent, [but no matter what Izaya did to you that day, you shouldn't have taken it out on him like that.]

"Nothing..." he said in an apathetic voice.

[?]

"He didn't do anything," he admitted, his blank expression hiding the torment he felt within.

[I'm not sure that I understand what you mean...]

His mask fell off and his features twisted in pain, his heart aching as the memories of that day flooded his mind. "He didn't do anything at all."

Celty watched him in disbelief for a few moments before she finally found the strength to move, her fingers quivering badly as she slowly typed her question. [Is that true, or are you trying to make yourself into the villain for Izaya's sake?] Shizuo's broken laugh sent a shiver down her spine, and when she looked into his eyes, she could swear that she saw a bit of madness in there, something that she couldn't remember ever seeing before.

"I wish that he would've done something, because then I'd at least have an excuse," he said, the corners of his lips turning upwards into a maniacal smirk, "but the flea was innocent this time around, and his only sin was that he refused to apologize to me for all the shit he's done over the years."

[You told me that when you drown in rage, you sometimes lose yourself to the point that you are no longer aware of your actions.]

Shizuo nodded, the insane smirk still not leaving him.

[Is that what happened with Izaya?] she asked, and she almost shrank back when his expression turned wild, as though he was starting to lose his mind.

"Oh, no, I remember **everything,** because I **wanted** to break the flea. I wanted to ruin him, and I wanted to destroy him, because I'm nothing more than a monster, and that's what monsters do, right?"

Her heart sank, finally starting to understand his behavior. [You can't chase me away like this. You can act evil all you want, but it will be my choice whether I walk away from you or stay by your side,] she said, and then saw how his crazed expression fell and was replaced by a tormented one.

Despite how horrible he felt, he still smiled a bit. "I've never been very good at lying."

[You're a terrible liar,] Celty conceded.

"But you're wrong this time around," he said, his smile turning into a frown. "Everything I've said is true. Izaya really didn't do anything to provoke me that evening, and even though I gave him a chance to walk away, I still shouldn't have done that to him just because he refused to apologize. I enjoyed it, Celty, I really did, because for once, that fucked up flea was at my mercy, and the feeling was exhilarating. I hurt him badly, because I wanted him to remember what it meant to mess with Ikebukuro's beast, to the point that he'd regret ever crossing paths with me." He then grabbed the cigarette pack and the lighter from the coffee table with trembling hands and lit one up, once again falling prey to his bad habit of smoking when he was either angry or nervous. And he was nervous, because he knew that his words would chase Celty away, but it was only fitting for him to lose everything after inflicting so much emotional damage on the flea. "I succeeded, because he will never forget. He always thought that I was a monster, and instead of showing him otherwise, I proved him right, because I'm nothing more than a stupid beast, and I deserve nothing less than death for my sins. He won't let me die though, not yet, not until I break too, I know that now," he said and then suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him. He leaned towards her, the way her smoke was spilling from underneath her helmet telling him that she was either angry, nervous, or perhaps both. "Do you really think it's safe to be around me?"

Celty tried to pull her hand away to answer his question, but he didn't let go, so she had to type from a rather awkward position. [You don't scare me.]

"But you should be afraid of me," he said and kept tightening his grip until he saw that he was causing her pain. It was only then that he released her wrist and hoped that she would finally leave and never come back. He took a drag from the cigarette and smirked, inwardly trying to convince himself that he felt no regret for his actions. He was a monster, and monsters weren't supposed to feel regret, or at least that's what he remembered Izaya telling him before. "I knew it right then that I was a monster. Even you have to admit, Celty, that no normal person would enjoy that, but I did. It felt so good to humiliate that fucked up flea, and even though a part of me regrets it, the monster in me rejoices at the victory."

[You're despicable!] she finally snapped, feeling completely sickened by his words.

"Yes, I am," he admitted and took another drag from the cigarette.

Celty was so upset that she couldn't even sit down anymore, so she sprang to her feet and furiously typed on the PDA, almost dropping the device in the process. [Sex is supposed to be something intimate between two people who love each other, not a weapon to terrorize and debase another person!]

"There are people, and then there are animals. Guess which one am I? You were wrong about me. I'm not the person you thought I was. You almost made me believe that I was human, but now I know better," he said and crushed the cigarette butt into the ashtray before getting up as well. "You see, you and I are opposites. I'm a human who's really a monster, and you're a monster who's more human than most people I know, so run along, little Dullahan, go back to Shinra before you end up getting hurt by a real monster." He stopped her when she raised her PDA to write some more, and then grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of his apartment before he slammed the door into her non-existent face.

He laughed brokenly as he sat down on the couch, his eyes filling with tears at the realization that he had just chased away his friend. He didn't deserve to have anyone by his side, and she certainly didn't deserve to get involved into Izaya's games, so it was best if both she and Shinra kept their distance, because he was the only one who was supposed to break, and he didn't want to drag them down with him. He knew that he had damaged Izaya, but it wasn't until their discussion outside of Shinra's apartment that he realized just how much he had broken the flea. He could feel the tears starting to run down his cheeks, but he no longer cared, because no one was there to see him, and even though he was a monster, even monsters were allowed to cry once in a while.

He stayed there for a while, chain-smoking the remaining cigarettes until he was sure that Celty was gone. Only then did he get up, got dressed and left the apartment, his mind set on getting drunk. It felt as though he could no longer go on if his mind didn't get some rest from the torment he was constantly feeling, and for the first time in over two months, he wanted to forget everyone and everything, if only for a few hours.


	33. Sing For Absolution

**Chapter 33: Sing For Absolution**

.

It was around two in the morning when Tom was woken up from his sleep by the sound of his phone going off. He groaned as he stretched his arm to find it, failing a couple of times before finally grasping the device, scrubbing a hand over his face in an attempt to wake up enough to understand what the person on the other end was saying. "Who are you?" he finally said when he realized that it wasn't Shizuo's voice.

_"No one important, but I'd appreciate it if you could come pick up your drunk employee from my bar,"_ the man said in a slightly exasperated tone.

"Shizuo?" he asked, brows furrowed in confusion, because his friend wasn't much into drinking as far as he knew.

_"Yes, Heiwajima Shizuo, he's about to pass out on the counter, and there are a few dangerous guys who've been watching him for a while now."_

Tom immediately jumped to his feet and rushed to pick up his clothes. "Are you one of his friends?"

_"No, but I've seen the two of you around a couple of times, and that's why I know your names. I would appreciate it if you could hurry, because things might escalate very soon. The bar's name is Zon. I assume you know where it is."_

"I'll be right there," Tom said and ended the call. He fumbled around in the darkness for a while, trying to find his clothes, until he finally remembered to turn on the lamp on the nightstand, the blinding light making him raise his arm to shield his bleary eyes from it. It hurt to even open them, but he knew that he couldn't waste any more time, so he rushed to his discarded clothes―the ones he didn't have time to properly hang or fold before he went to sleep―and proceeded to put them on. He then picked up his phone and keys and called a taxi, wanting to get there as soon as possible.

He knew better than anyone how many enemies Shizuo made over this years, which was one of the reasons he had advised him to never get drunk in public. It was like asking to get mugged, or worse, killed. "Step on it," he told the taxi driver the moment he sat on the back seat, handing him a hefty sum of money to make sure that the man would heed his request. He was usually a very patient man, but for once, he was tempted to throw the other out of the car and drive there himself, because no matter how fast they were going, he still couldn't be sure that he would get there in time. He couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Shizuo, because no matter how he looked at it, his friend seemed to have greatly changed during the span of only about three months. Thinking back, he now remembered the exact day when something in Shizuo changed. He was certain that whatever it was, it must've happened the day before Shizuo showed up at work wearing normal clothes. Prior to their day off, Shizuo was his usual self when they parted ways, but then, not even two days later, he seemed like a completely different person. He blankly stared at the city lights, trying to recall anything that would help him figure out what was going on with his friend, but, unfortunately, he came up empty.

By the time the car stopped in front of the bar, he still had no idea what was wrong with Shizuo. He thanked the driver, got out of the car, and strode inside the establishment, his eyes roaming all over the place until he spotted Shizuo gulping down another glass of alcohol. Instead of rushing in, he searched the crowd for anyone who was observing his friend, immediately spotting two potential threats. Both men were sitting at the same table, far away from the door, the hate they held towards Shizuo evident in their eyes. One of them kept playing with what Tom assumed was a knife inside the pocket of his jacket, a clear indication of how dangerous the person was.

"Tanaka-san," he heard someone say, and he turned his head towards that person.

"You're the one I talked to earlier?"

The man nodded and handed him Shizuo's phone, still marveling at how the device even worked considering how crushed it appeared to be, a few pieces of plastic having already fallen off.

"Thank you." Tom pocketed the phone and then turned towards the men who were obviously after Shizuo's life. "Are there more besides those two?"

"If there are, I haven't spotted them."

Tom fished his wallet from the pocket of his pants and pulled out a few bills. "Thank you for your help."

"I didn't do in the hope of getting some sort of reward."

"Then why did you do it?" Tom asked the younger man, now slightly curious about why he would help Shizuo if the two of them weren't friends.

"Because Heiwajima-san is a good person who would help a complete stranger at the risk of his own life," he said and then continued when the man he knew as Tanaka Tom seemed genuinely curious about it. "About half a year ago, when I was going home from work, I was mugged by two men. One of them had a gun, but Heiwajima-san, who just happened to pass by right at that moment, saw someone in danger and acted with no regard to his safety. I owe him my life, and I wanted to repay him."

"Shizuo hates violence," Tom said with a small smile on his face.

The bartender sniggered. "I'm sure he does. I have to go back to work now, so if you'll excuse me..."

"Wait!"

"Yes?"

"Can you provide us with a distraction so that I can safely get him out of here?"

The man smiled. "No problem."

Tom thanked him again and they shook hands, waiting for the aforementioned distraction to happen so that he could extract Shizuo from inside the bar. The younger man pretended to accidentally trip and spill a few glasses of alcohol on the two stalkers, his acting skills worthy of applause. He made a mental note to come back and properly thank him for his help. Focusing on his task, he approached Shizuo as inconspicuously as possible and grabbed him by the arm while the two stalkers were busy raging at the bartender. "Shizuo, we have to go, now," he told him, but it didn't look like his friend was listening to him, because instead of getting up, he poured himself more alcohol and then drank the whole glass in one go.

"Hic! This tsty," he heard Shizuo slur, lost in his own drunken world. Annoyed, Tom grabbed the glass and pushed it away before he pulled his friend up and half-dragged him towards the back exit.

"'mnot done," Shizuo whined and tried to wring himself from Tom's hold.

"Don't even think about it," Tom said sternly and tightened his grip to make sure that Shizuo couldn't go back. Even drunk, his friend would never use enough strength to harm him, so unless Tom willingly released him, Shizuo had no way of going back without hurting him.

"Not drnk enogh... I still rmembr," Shizuo said, and then tried once again to go back, only to stop in his tracks and follow Tom out the door when the man harshly pulled him by the arm. "I ned t' go bck," he tried again, but it didn't look like his boss was listening to him. "Pleas, I ned to forgt."

"We'll talk about it later," he said and started dragging a very drunk Shizuo through side streets and alleyways, grateful that his friend's apartment was really close to the bar.

"Mor sakeee!" Shizuo shouted, and then laughed nervously when Tom shushed him. "Gotta go," he said in an apologetic voice. "Cnt hold it in 'nymore."

Tom sighed in exasperation and moved towards the nearest alley with Shizuo in tow, his eyes darting all over the place, hoping to spot any danger in case those two men decided to not give up on their prey. "Hurry up."

Shizuo's shoulders jerked in silent laughter, and he had to grab onto the wall for support as the suppressed sounds quickly turned into full-fledged laughter. "Lots o' sakeee, cnt hury."

"I told you to not get drunk like this," Tom said, feeling exasperated by the messed-up situation he found himself thrown into. "If you weren't such a good guy, you would be dead right now. It's pure luck that you happened to get drunk in a bar where the employee owed you one."

"No good."

"You know how many enem―" Tom started, but stopped when he thought he heard something.

"'m evil..."

"Shhh!" Tom said, irritated, and squinted his eyes in an attempt to easier spot the source of the sound. A cat suddenly sprinted from behind a bush and he couldn't help but laugh at the scene. "I really thought we were being follow―"

"You're so dead," a man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun said as he too appeared from behind the same bush as the cat.

"Look, we don―"

"Not you, HIM!" the man said and pointed the gun towards Shizuo, who in the meantime zipped his pants and turned around.

"If you kill him, the police will **find** you!" Tom said, hoping to dissuade the soon-to-be shooter if he didn't find a way to stop him. His eyes flickering to the gun momentarily, and he realized that the situation was untenable.

"No one messes with the Dollars and gets away with it," said the man, chuckling, and then slowly approached Ikebukuro's beast. "You humiliated me in front of everyone, so just die!" he snarled and fired a shot, the bullet hitting the wall instead of Shizuo's chest.

"Wait," Tom screamed in panic, "you will go to prison if you do this!" The man didn't seem to care though. "Shizuo," he said and turned to his friend, "say something!"

Shizuo laughed and lit himself a cigarette, looking completely unconcerned. "Dun care."

Tom's eyes widened in disbelief, only now realizing just how bad Shizuo was doing because of whatever it was that happened a few months earlier. "You can't be serious!"

"Don't care," Shizuo repeated with nary a care in the world.

The masked man laughed and approached the one he was about to murder. "I lost my girlfriend because of you, so die you bast―" he said, but never got to finish because something hit him in the head so hard that he lost consciousness.

"I knew he was trouble," said the bartender after he pocketed the Kubotan he used to knock the other man unconscious. "I needed something to defend myself after I almost got killed," he said, smiling, answering Tom's unspoken question.

Tom finally allowed himself to breathe in relief. He'd seen the man sneak behind the masked punk, and he almost thought that he wouldn't make it in time, but the assailant had been too busy insulting Shizuo to pay attention to his surroundings. "Thank you, again..."

"Takaba Shin. Just call me Shin," the bartender said and pulled out his cellphone to call the police.

Tom left the man alone for a bit and went to Shizuo's side, finding his darkened gaze to be rather disturbing. "Hey, Shizuo, let's get you home."

This time, Shizuo didn't laugh or protest. Instead, he pushed himself away from the wall and started walking towards his apartment without saying a word.

"The police are on their way, so don't worry, go ahead and make sure he gets home in one piece," Shin said and waved them good-bye.

Tom nodded and followed Shizuo, wondering what was wrong with his friend. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Greaat," Shizuo slurred, still affected by the alcohol he had previously drank at the bar.

"Look, if there's any way I can help..." he said and grabbed him by the arm when he saw him totter. "I'm here for you, so let me know if you need anything."

"Nah," Shizuo said and threw away the cigarette butt.

They spent the rest of the way in silence, and when they finally reached the apartment, he dropped Shizuo on the couch and went to get him some clothes to wear for the night. He set them on the coffee table and tried to pull him up, but the man shook his head and refused to move. "You can't sleep like this," he said, but he got no answer. Sighing, he took a seat on the couch and waited for his friend to wake up, if only a bit, from his drunken state. "Ok, so what happened?" He didn't expect an immediate answer, but he jerked in surprise more than half an hour later when Shizuo finally decided to answer.

"I messed up," he said as he withdrew the cigarettes and the lighter from his pocket. "I hurt him badly. I lost it."

"Who?"

"Iz―... no, never mind," said Shizuo, immediately berating himself for almost saying too much. "Go home."

Tom stood up reluctantly and watched Shizuo in silence for a few moments. "Will you be all right?"

Shizuo nodded. "G'night," he said, and watched his friend go. He waited for a few minutes and walked out the door as well, almost forgetting to close it. He begrudgingly turned back and locked it, slightly annoyed at having to do such trivial matters when he had something important to take care of.

It was around three forty five in the morning when Izaya got startled by the sound of someone knocking on his door, the noise stopping him from swishing in his desk chair from side to side. Clients didn't usually seek him out so late at night, so he furrowed his brows in confusion and stared at the door for a few moments, trying to figure out what was going on. He should've been asleep, but sleep was no longer something he could easily achieve or enjoy, so most mornings found him at his desk or in his bed, staring at the computer screen, either working or messing with other humans who were also awake.

_"Izaya!"_ he heard the beast's voice from behind the door and he jerked in surprise, wary about Shizuo seeking him out so late at night. He inwardly cursed Tom for giving the idiot his business card and pushed himself deeper into the chair, a sense of foreboding making him reluctant to open the door. Shizuo had ripped his precious behind apart, and no matter what the brute said, he would not open that door, even though he didn't doubt that Ikebukuro's beast could easily bring it down.

_"IZAYA! Open the door, I have something to tell you."_

The Informant grit his teeth harder in annoyance, his hand tightening around the switchblade he kept inside the pocket of his pajamas. Most people didn't carry a weapon with them at all times, but unlike them, he was number one on Shizuo's list of most hated people.

_"Open up, flea! Don't make me bring down the door,"_ he warned, his mind set on not leaving before he got a chance to talk to Izaya.

"If you have something to say, then say it, because I won't open it," he said and swiveled in his chair as a way to distract himself from the terrifying monster threatening to barge into his home, his only sanctuary not yet sullied by the beast known as Heiwajima Shizuo.

_"IIIZAAAYAAAAA!"_

"Shizu-chan, I advise you to leave before I call the police," he said, his measured tone belying the deep fury that seemed to make his red eyes burn.

_"Ok, I'll say it here. Listen, flea, I'm really sorry I raped you. I don't know what―"_

Izaya couldn't hear the rest, the sounds of his own hurried footsteps resonating in his ears as his already pale face turned paler at the thought of anyone hearing the idiot's confession. He fumbled with the lock as Shizuo kept talking, and then viciously opened the door, grabbed the protozoan by the arm and pulled him inside. "Are you insane?" he asked, stunned by how much of an idiot the brute could be, his eyes widening in disbelief when the familiar stench of alcohol wafted through the air. **You fucking idiot,"** he ground out the words, even though he didn't usually curse.

"Flea, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," he honestly pleaded, not exactly aware of how insane he was acting in his drunken state.

Izaya laughed fitfully, and then held his arms tightly as he breathed in and out in an attempt to calm down enough to not gut the man right there and then. Shizuo was drunk out of his mind, so Izaya knew that it would be a child's play to bring him to an untimely end. "Shizu-chan," Izaya said wearily and then sighed, "go home."

"I can't! It hurts..." Shizuo said brokenly as he leaned against the wall, looking as though he was about to fall.

"Hmm? What are you talking about?"

Shizuo's eyes stung, heavy with moisture, the sight of the one who had once been his victim squeezing his heart in a vice-grip. He opened his mouth and tried to get some much needed air into his lungs, but it didn't seem like there was ever enough. "Can't breathe."

Sighing out loud, Izaya cautiously approached him and raised his right hand to unzip the protozoan's jacket, realizing that it was best to get the idiot to calm down before he'd lose it and do something worse. He slowly grabbed the slider and reluctantly proceeded to lower it, his eyes never leaving the brute's face. Because Shizuo was so easy to read, he was already familiar with most of the little signs that would precede one of the man's rage episodes, so he would have enough time to run the hell away from the monster if he were to lose his control once again. Besides, he wasn't helping Shizuo out of the goodness of his heart, because he still despised the man, but he wanted to prove to himself that he was not completely terrified of the monstrous and at the same time pathetic creature before him. "Ok, all done. Better now?" he asked and then backed away, not expecting Shizuo to shake his head and grab the front of his t-shirt as though he was in physical pain.

"Can't breathe..." Shizuo said again and lowered his head, his eyes scrunched in pain.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not a doctor, so I suggest you go see one right away." He then turned on his heels, wanting to go back to his desk, but he stopped in his tracks, Shizuo's words taking him completely by surprise.

"It's suffocating... the guilt, I can't breathe."

The corners of Izaya's lips moved upwards into a sadistic smile, and he turned around, wanting to enjoy the beast's torment to the fullest. He knew that Shizuo regretted his actions, but he had no idea how tortured the man really was. Feeling as though he was in complete power, he sauntered towards Shizuo and grabbed a fistful of blond hair, forcing his head up to better look into his eyes. "Is it really that painful?" He knew that he probably looked insane with that crazed smile on his face, but he couldn't help himself, because he was enjoying the other's anguish too much.**"Good!"**he said when his unwanted guest nodded.

"I'm sorry," Shizuo said weakly.

"Never, I will **never** forgive you!" Izaya snarled and removed his fingers from the dyed locks. **"Never!"** he repeated as he turned around to go back to his desk, not expecting Shizuo to grab his right arm. Despite himself, Izaya was overcome with nausea, the brutish grip bringing back vivid details of his assault. He could almost hear the sounds of clothes rustling and of Shizuo's buckle unfastening, and his whole body quaked in terror. He slowly turned his head, his voice dripping venom as he ordered the beast to release him. "Let go!"

"Please, I'm sorry," Shizuo said and pulled him closer, not realizing what he was doing.

Izaya tried to tear himself away from the beast's clutches, or to at least reach the switchblade he kept in the right pocket of his pants, but somehow, during the ensuing struggles, they both ended up on the floor. The hold on his arm loosened, so he tried to get away, but Shizuo grabbed his ankle and pulled him back. He shoved his right hand inside his pocket and pulled out the switchblade, his mind set on murdering the beast if it didn't let go.

"Forgive me..." were Shizuo's last words before he plummeted into unconsciousness.

"Shizu-chan, if you don't let go, I'm going to slit your throat," he warned, his tone a little strained, and then continued when he got no answer. "Shizuo?" His brows furrowed in confusion. "Did you pass out?" he asked in disbelief, even though he knew the other couldn't answer. His eyes narrowed into slits and he glared at the man, the desire to viciously plunge the switchblade into the beast over and over again vying for dominant influence over the more rational side of his brain that told him he was in no danger and that such an extreme action was not necessary. Leaning forward, he grabbed Shizuo's fingers and tried to unsuccessfully unclench them from around his ankle, a frustrated sound slipping past his lips at being unable to free himself. "Stupid Shizu-chan," he snapped and kicked him in the head with his foot a couple of times, but the idiot still didn't let go.

"Shizu-chan, you'd better wake up before I start slicing your fingers off," he said, but, once again, he got not answer. "If you don't wake up, I'm going to carve the word _monster_ into your forehead." His expression turned maniacal and he moved closer, really tempted to do what he said he would do. The problem was that too many questions would arise if Ikebukuro's beast showed up one day with something like that on its forehead, and he didn't like the idea of anyone else finding out what happened between the two of them. As much as he wanted everyone to hate Shizuo, especially Tom and Dotachin, he couldn't stand the idea of them knowing the truth. He sighed in frustration and folded his arms in front of his chest, now trying to decide whether to chop off the beast's fingers or not. That too would most likely raise unwanted question, so he scrapped the idea and tried to come up with something else. Smiling, he repeatedly tapped his chin with a finger while he put his inimitable mind to work in finding something that would make him feel better and piss Shizuo off, but not enough for the beast to lose himself to that accursed rage of his.

An idea popped into his head and he made a small cut on the beast's hand, all the while smiling like a madman. He dipped the blade into the crimson liquid, grabbed the beast's head by the fake blond hair and proceeded to write the word _monster_ in blood onto Shizuo's forehead, carefully placing the characters that formed the word _**bakemono**_**.**

Once done, he took a look at his work of art and smiled, hating that he had to wait a bit longer for the blood to dry. Unfortunately, he was starting to get sleepy, so he released the blond locks and lay down with his back against the floor. "Idiot protozoan!" he whined and then pouted. He absolutely hated that he couldn't go lie in his comfortable bed, but on the bright side, he was now certain that Shizuo was being suffocated by guilt, and that made him chuckle darkly. People usually expressed their deepest desires while being drunk, and if Shizuo's deepest desire was to be forgiven instead of wanting to break him, then Izaya had nothing to fear anymore. "Shizu-chan, you're such a pathetic monster," he told his nemesis, looking forward to when Shizuo would wake up so that he could further enjoy the man's tormented expression. After a while, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, for once not at all worried that Shizuo would hurt him.


	34. Eye Of The Storm

**Chapter 34: Eye Of The Storm**

.

It was still early in the morning when Shizuo started shifting in his sleep, the strong light hitting his face making him scowl. He felt the splitting headache long before he was fully awake, and even though he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, his eyes unwillingly fluttered open. He groaned and shifted some more, only realizing that he was holding onto something when he felt warm skin beneath his fingers. His brows furrowed in confusion and he slanted his head to see what it was, his eyes widening in shock at the sight of an unconscious Izaya lying on the floor. His face turned as white as a sheet and he withdrew his hand from around the frail ankle before he pushed himself away from the unmoving form as though he'd been burned, a suffocating feeling of self-loathing almost leaving him breathless. He barely restrained himself from screaming in despair, the thought that he had once again assaulted Izaya making him want to run to the nearest window and take a headfirst dive into concrete. He reluctantly allowed his eyes to roam over the skinny form so that he could assess the damage, expecting to find some evidence of the atrocity he had once again committed, but, to his surprise, nothing looked out of place. Izaya's clothes weren't torn as he'd expected, nor was he lying in a pool of his own blood, and after taking a brief look at himself, Shizuo realized that he too was very much dressed. Judging by what he was seeing, nothing happened between them, so he raised a hand to his chest and breathed in relief, a great weight having been lifted off his shoulders.

His eyes left Izaya's form and he took a look at his surroundings, only now realizing that he was most likely inside the man's apartment in Shinjuku instead of his own in Ikebukuro. The last thing he remembered was drinking at the bar, so he had no idea how he ended up sprawled on the floor with Izaya sleeping next to him. His eyes drifted back to the man he had once tried to destroy, the peaceful expression on the flea's face making him wonder how someone like that could be so vicious when awake. Izaya's words from the previous day came to mind, and he realized that it was truly ironic that what it took for the two of them to be able to stand in the same room without activily trying to kill each other was for Izaya to almost die by his hands. Back then, in the alley he never wanted to lay eyes upon again, it felt as though nothing he could do to the flea would ever be enough to sate his thirst for revenge, and had he been in his right mind, he would've realized that leaving him there to die was not something that he could ever forgive himself for. The humane thing would've been to at least call an ambulance after seeing so much blood underneath Izaya's broken form, but he hadn't, because Heiwajima Shizuo was not human; he was Ikebukuro's beast, nothing else.

He saw Izaya shift and he held his breath, expecting the man to freak out and perhaps try to stab him with his switchblade. Brownish-red eyes opened wide, and Izaya stared at him in fear for only a moment before a smirk spread across his face and he started laughing. Shizuo instinctively tried to put some distance between them, but he stopped in his tracks when he heard Izaya's cheerful, yet tinted with malice, voice.

"Ah, ah, don't run, Shizu-chan, not after we've spent such a wonderful night together," said Izaya in an amused tone before he proceeded to get up. He slipped the switchblade into the pocket of his pajamas and watched Shizuo's dilemma on whether to turn around or run away, the protozoan's indecision almost making him laugh. He'd been a bit surprised when he woke up, perhaps even fearful, as much as he hated to admit, but the second he remembered the events of the previous night, he instantly relaxed, even though he was in the presence of the beast.

Shizuo reluctantly turned around, Izaya's terrifying smirk a tell-tale of the hell he had yet to pay for his transgressions. "Look, I'm sorry, ok?"

"Oh, but it's fine, Shizu-chan, because your confession was most entertaining." He expected the brute to feel embarrassed, so he was more than a little surprised when Shizuo's expression morphed into one of confusion. For a few moments, he couldn't help but look at him in disbelief. "Don't tell me you―"

"I really don't remember, I swear!" he hurried to answer, because **that** was the undeniable truth. Whatever he'd done or said to the flea, he couldn't recall.

"Tch! If I knew you wouldn't remember, I would've played with you some more," Izaya said and folded his arms in front of his chest in a display or pure annoyance. "Why aren't you more predictable?"

Shizuo shrugged and cracked a smile, glad to see that Izaya was in a rather good mood for once. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head and nervously laughed. "What exactly did I say?" He immediately regretted opening his mouth, the flea's sadistic smirk telling him that it was best not to know.

Izaya unfolded his arms, lowering one while keeping his right hand above the heart. "Shizu-chan confessed his undying love for me," he said in what almost sounded like a serious tone, and then struggled to not burst into laughter when a myriad of expressions passed the protozoan's face.

Shizuo violently shook his head and backed away until he hit the wall, refusing to believe such a thing.

"Now, now, Shizu-chan, don't be shy. In fact, it would've been adorable," he said and approached the man until he was standing right in front of him, "if not for the fact that you almost fucked me to death."

"I'm sor―" he started saying, but the rest of the words got caught in his throat when Izaya grabbed a fistful of blonde hair, the man's expression turning wild in the span of only a fraction of a second.

"Shizu-chan," said Izaya as he forced a smile on his face, "let's not get into that right now." He released the fake blonde hair and backed away just a bit, immediately raising his arm and pointing towards the upper level of his apartment. "You reek of alcohol, so could you please go brush your teeth? I really can't stand the smell."

Shizuo was too stunned to answer, so he forced his legs to move towards the stairs. Something in the back of his head shouted in protest at allowing the flea to boss him around, but he ignored the annoying voice and kept going, Izaya following closely behind him to most likely make sure that he wouldn't accidentally end up in his room.

"There's a new toothbrush inside the cabinet, so use that one," he said after he opened the door to the bathroom and invited his 'guest' inside.

Shizuo nodded and watched Izaya walk out and close the door behind him, leaving him alone in the expensive-looking bathroom. He hurried to the toilet and raised the seat, the need to relieve himself taking precedent over everything else. He sighed as he emptied his bladder, glad to get rid of the too much alcohol he drank the night before. It felt like forever before it finally stopped, and once he was done he zipped up his pants and walked to the sink, the splitting headache making him groan. He turned the faucet on and put his hands under the stream, the cold water sending a shiver down his spine the moment it made contact with his skin. He was about to wash his face when he caught a glimpse in the mirror of something red beneath his fringe. He stared in confusion for a moment and grabbed the sink with his right hand while he raised his left one and slowly moved the strands of hair aside, a surprised gasp slipping past his lips when he saw the word written on his forehead. A feeling of dread engulfed him, thinking that the flea had truly carved the word into his forehead, his hand automatically tightening around the edge of the sink until the thing crumbled in his hands as though it was nothing. He moved closer to the mirror to inspect the damage, his stomach roiling with sickening intensity, only to breath in relief when he realized that **_bakemono_** was written in blood instead of being carved into his forehead. He backed away from the mirror and allowed his body to slump on the edge of the bathtub, a broken laugh spilling past his lips. He wouldn't have felt a damn thing in his drunken state, so Izaya could've done it had he wanted, but the man didn't, and Shizuo felt as though he had dodged a bullet. At least he had an explanation for the cut on his hand, which he had gladly chose to ignore the moment he noticed it after waking up. It wasn't that uncommon for him to find cuts and scratches on his body and to not remember how he got them, so a small cut was nothing to him.

It was too early in the morning to deal with the flea, so he reached into the pockets of his jacket to pull out the lighter and the cigarette pack, panicking a little and then sighing in relief when he found them inside the right pocket of his pants. He always got irritated when he couldn't smoke, and he needed to be as calm as possible during the discussion he would surely have with the flea. He took his time smoking the cigarette, and then the next one, struggling to remember what happened the night before. He kept coming up blank no matter how hard he tried, and by the time he was ready to face Izaya, he'd already smoked four. Reluctantly, he got up, washed the characters written in blood on his forehead, and then opened the door, nervousness washing over him in waves. He knew that Izaya would most likely want to brutally murder him for destroying his sink, but he hoped that his suggestion would somehow placate the man. As he walked downstairs, he marveled at the size and the look of the apartment, everything in it screaming _Orihara Izaya._ "Shizu-chan, what took you so long?" he heard the flea chirp from where he was sitting on the couch, the smell of french toast entering his nostrils and almost making him drool. His eyes zero-ed in on the plate placed on the coffee table, and he barely restrained himself from going there and grabbing one of those heavenly slices of french toast. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Izaya, the man's smirk as annoying as ever. "Good one," he said as he pointed to his forehead.

"You should be grateful I didn't go through with it, unlike you," Izaya said, immediately noticing the mortified expression on the beast's face. "Ah, but what's done is done. Come, sit down." He saw Shizuo eyeing the door and he sighed loudly, the brute's head immediately snapping in his direction. "I never took you for a coward. Are you so afraid of facing me that'd you'd rather run away instead of talking to me?"

"You're right. I owe you at least this much." It was true that he would've preferred to run away instead, because that would've been easier than to face what he had done, but he chose to stay nonetheless. He forced his feet to take a step, and then another, until he reached the couch and he sat down. Luckily, the flea had two couches, so Shizuo awkwardly sat down on the other one. Izaya was eerily quiet, and watching the man now dressed in his usual clothes, coat aside, made him feel uncomfortable, so he chose to instead look at the french toast.

"Help yourself," Izaya said in an amused tone, almost finding it hard to believe that the shy creature before him was the same vicious monster from back then. Shizuo eyed him suspiciously, and Izaya couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud when he guessed the protozoan's thoughts. "Oh please, if I wanted you dead, I would've ripped out your still beating heart the moment I was able to walk again." As expected, Shizuo cringed, but that hadn't been his intention this time around. "Eat," he repeated, and then watched as Ikebukuro's beast took a bite out of the food that his most hated enemy made with his own two hands. The idiot's eyes immediately lit up, the image reminding him of human child he once saw, the little boy happily stuffing his face with candy, oblivious to the cruel world around him. Shizuo was also a big fan of disgustingly sweet things, and Izaya almost cringed at the memory of that too sweet bun that Kasuka so graciously bought for him. Unwillingly, he snorted out loud, causing Shizuo to stop mid-way as he was about to grab another piece of french toast. "It has nothing to do with you... just something I remembered," he said and dismissively waved a hand before folding his arms in front of his chest.

Shizuo watched him for a few moments and then picked up another slice, hunger winning over common sense. His eyes fell on the french toast in his hand and he stared, the question leaving his mouth before he even realized that he'd asked it. "Why are you so good to me?"

Izaya's smirk fell and he snorted. "Don't flatter yourself. I treat all of my guests with respect, whether they deserve it or not."

"Does that help?" Shizuo asked, his mouth full after having just taken another bite from the slice of french toast in his hand.

"Of course it does. You should try it sometimes."

"No thanks," said Shizuo, scowling. "Sneaky shit like that isn't my style."

"So being respectful is not your style?" Izaya asked, barely restraining himself for rolling his eyes. "Don't you know the saying, 'You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'"?

"I caught you just fine without―" He never got to finish though, the realization of what he was about to say making the blood freeze in his veins. Slowly, he lowered his head, feeling completely ashamed for his thoughtless comment. He was about to apologize when he heard Izaya scoff, and he turned his head towards him, immediately noticing the stiff posture and the way the Informant kept his legs tightly closed, the image further driving the metaphorical knife into his already bleeding heart.

"You got lucky. That's what happened. I landed headfirst into concrete after being sent flying by the vending machine you threw at me. Unlike you, normal people don't just walk away from something like that. We can **break** when monsters like you try their hardest to kill us."

"Wait, so are you're telling me that you were badly hurt before the chase even started?" Shizuo asked in disbelief.

Izaya nodded and unfolded his arms before placing them on his knees and leaning forward a bit. "You would've never caught me otherwise." Despite trying to look smug, his voice was dripping spite, and he hoped that Shizuo would not notice, because he was sick and tired of showing weakness in front of his mortal enemy.

"Oh..." he exclaimed softly as he put down half a slice of french toast, the newly provided information making him completely lose his appetite. "I'm sorry..."

**"I don't need your apologies,"** Izaya ground out the words and forced himself to grab his own arms so that he could not reach for the switchblade he kept inside the pocket of his pants. "I wanted you to shed tears of blood, but in a moment of weakness, I chose to spare Kasuka of the pain you put me through, and because of that, I will never get my perfect revenge."

Shizuo's gaze drifted from the plate to Izaya's face, and he recognized the feeling that Izaya was most likely drowning into as he glared daggers at him. "Rage," he told him as he looked him in the eyes.

"What?" Izaya asked, nails painfully digging into his arms.

"That feeling you're experiencing right now, it's _rage._ Now multiply that by about a hundred times and you'll get an idea of how I feel most of the time. It's not that I want to hurt people or throw things around, it's more like I can't **not** do it."

Izaya scoffed once again as he glared at the beast sitting not that far from his person, a roil of cold fury blazing out of his eyes. "That's a pathetic excuse, Shizu-chan. Now you're going to tell me that you didn't really want to fuck me to death?"

"No, because that would only be half of the truth." His mind went back to that night, and as much as he hated to remember, he tried to recall his feelings so that he could better explain them to Izaya. "I was trapped somewhere between mindless rage and awareness, and when I realized what I was temped to do, I tried to give you a way out. That laugh of yours drove me insane," he said through gritted teeth, the sound echoing through his head even as he spoke. I just wanted you to **shut up**.**"** He ran a shaky hand through his hair and closed his eyes, struggling to chase away those awful feelings that belonged to that part of him who had enjoyed Izaya's pain. "If only you had fucking**apologized...****"**

Izaya heard the resentment in the beast's voice and he dug his nails deeper into his own flesh, feeling more pissed off than he had felt in a very long time. "You **idiot,** don't you think that I would've said those words if only I knew what you were thinking of doing?"

A spiteful laugh spilled past Shizuo's lips, and he glared at Izaya as though he wanted to drive his fist through the idiot's skull. "No, I don't think you would've, because you'd never apologize to someone you see as being less than human."

Orihara Izaya wasn't one to get into fistfights, but he was tempted to get up and punch the idiot in the face. "Are you still blaming me for what happened?"

"No," Shizuo rushed to answer, surprised that Izaya would still think that, "but I was too far gone to stop, and the part of me that was still human was desperately clinging to the hope that you would apologize so that I could let you go. Now I know how stupid it was of me to demand the impossible."

"It wounds me to hear that you have such a low opinion of me. Ah, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't have meant it, but how terrible can a few empty words be when compared to the agony of having your worst enemy shove his dick up your ass?" He shrugged then, some sort of morbid amusement making him smile. "Even you should know that going in dry is simply idiotic. Tell me, is this how you treat all your male partners?"

"I d-don't... I've never... done it with... with g-guys before," Shizuo stuttered, his face turning red.

"Relax, Shizu-chan, I was merely joking. I know that you're not into guys. If I didn't even know this much, I would be too ashamed to call myself an Informant."

Shizuo opened his mouth and closed it a few times before he found his voice. "What else do you know?" he asked so softly that Izaya had to strain his ears to hear him.

"Oh, Shizu-chan, I know all there is to know about you, now more than ever. Have you ever heard the saying, 'Know thy enemy?'" When Shizuo shook his head, Izaya continued. "An ancient Chinese General people refer to as Sun Tzu said, 'Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated. When you are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself, your chances of winning or losing are equal. If ignorant both of your enemy and of yourself, you are sure to be defeated in every battle.' So now tell me, Shizuo, how much do you know about me?"

Shizuo didn't fail to notice how Izaya had used his full name, something the man hadn't done since that night. "I know that you're a blood-sucking flea who enjoys playing with people's lives as though they are nothing." He expected the man to feel insulted and snap at him, or perhaps insult him some more, but Izaya burst into laughter, the loud sounds bouncing off the apartment's walls.

"And that's exactly why you're nothing more than a **stupid beast.** You **never** think, just like how you didn't think the day we met. Tell me, Shizu-chan, do you remember what your first words were?" he inquired once he'd stopped laughing.

**"'****I don't like him****,'"** Shizuo easily answered, the memories of that day still as fresh as they were right after it happened.

**"'****Oh? That's too bad. I think I could have some fun with you****,'"** Izaya answered with the same words from back then.

**"'****Shut up****,'"** Shizuo continued, his words echoing his own, but this time around, he didn't try to punch the man.

Izaya on the other hand got up and pulled out the switchblade, immediately noticing the beast tense at the sight of it but not exactly reacting beyond that. He flicked it open as he walked towards him, and as soon as he was in front of him, he pressed it lightly against Shizuo's chest, the man not doing anything to stop him. **"'****Don't say that, Shizuo-kun. See? This is fun, isn't it****?'"** he quoted his younger self, a smile gracing his lips at the memory of showing Heiwajima Shizuo that someone out there could take him on and walk away unscathed. "It was fun, wasn't it?"

"No, it wasn't," said Shizuo, scowling, feeling the anger rise at the mere memory of how he'd tried and failed to kill Izaya that day. "I got hit by a truck!"

Izaya pulled back the switchblade and sat back down on his couch. "Oh please, you barely got a scratch from that."

"You paid the driver for hitting me! That's fucked up no matter how you look at it," Shizuo snapped, nails digging into his palms from how hard he was trying to not throw the couch Izaya was sitting on out the window, preferably while the pest was still sitting on it. "Stop laughing!"

"Come on, even you have to admit that was a brilliant move."

Shizuo almost face-palmed. "For a sociopath... yeah, it was."

Izaya's actually looked hurt for a moment, but he quickly put on one of his well-practiced masks before the beast even noticed how offended he felt by the remark. "No, Shizu-chan, you can't push the blame on me for this one, because it was you who attacked me first." Even if you didn't like me, you should've tried to act like less of an asshole when our common friend tried to introduce me to you. **'****This is Orihara Izaya from my middle school. Well, he's not that good a person, maybe I should say he's a horrible person. No, I didn't mean it in a bad way****,'"** said Izaya, quoting Shinra's exact words. "Really, Shizu-chan, can you blame me for wanting to mess with you after you tried to kill me for no reason at all?" His words seemed to have blocked the protozoan, because Shizuo seemed to angrily stare into empty space.

"Look, it was that smug expression of yours. It pissed me off," Shizuo finally said when he realized that yes, he had been the one to start their feud, as much as he hated to admit.

Izaya chuckled darkly as he raised his left foot and placed it on the couch before he settled his left arm on top of his knee, the disturbing sounds stopping abruptly the moment he raised his head and stared at the beast with the same expression he had the day they met.

Shizuo actually gasped out loud, the sight taking him back to the time when he met his nemesis and the only man who could easily make a fool out of him. He couldn't deny that he wanted to punch that smug smile off the pest's face, but things were no longer the same, and the man before him was no longer the teenager who used to fearlessly stare at him. No matter how hard Izaya tried to hide it, Shizuo still felt the fear, a natural predator such as himself easily spotting those who were weaker than him. "You damn flea, I'm not going to punch you."

Izaya's expression turned smugger than it already was. "I know." Smirking, he lowered his leg and casually leaned on the couch, allowing his head to fall backwards.

"I'm never going to hurt you again," Shizuo continued, even though he knew that it was of little consolation to the man he'd almost killed. "I promise."

Izaya snorted but otherwise kept quiet, staring at the ceiling of his apartment while Shizuo struggled with the guilt he surely felt.

"Hey, I've never told you this before, but thank you."

Slanting his head to see the brute, Izaya quirked an eyebrow.

"Thank you for saving Kasuka."

Izaya's body turned rigid, and he couldn't help but hiss the next words leaving his mouth. "I shouldn't have saved that emotionless freak."

"Kasuka is not emotionless," Shizuo hurried to correct him, not liking it when others got the wrong impression.

"He is. He told me so," he said as he glared at the man he hated the most in the entire world.

A sad smile appeared on Shizuo's face, his mind going back to all those time when Kasuka showed real emotions. "That's what he honestly thinks, but it's not true. If he was emotionless, he wouldn't care about me at all, so thank you, really. Thank you for not condemning him to the hell I put you through," he told Izaya as he looked him straight in the eyes, hoping to make him understand the gratitude he felt for what he'd done.

Izaya kept his mouth shut, trying to process the information he'd just received. Originally, he had assumed that Kasuka was pretending, but he never went as far as to think that Shizuo's little brother was so used to faking his lack of emotions to the point that he would no longer remember that he was doing it. If that was the case, then the freak was not really a freak, and he almost lamented the loss, because if Kasuka wasn't one, then he was one of his humans, which meant that he would have to love him just as he loved everyone else.

"You said you wouldn't get him involved again. Is that true?" Shizuo asked hesitantly, almost too afraid to hear the answer.

Izaya waved a hand, almost too bored to even answer such a useless questions after finding out some very important information. "As I've said, I'm no longer interested in him." _At least not in the same way as I've been until now,_ he thought, now curious to find out if Kasuka truly was one of his humans.

It looked like Izaya was deep in thought, so after a minute or two of silence, Shizuo got up. "Thanks for the food. It was great." That seemed to snap Izaya from wherever his mind had been wondering, because he got up as well, that annoying smirk back on his face.

"I'm surprised that a beast such as yourself was able to appreciate my french toast."

Shizuo grunted and fished out his lighter and the cigarette pack. "I have to go to work."

"I'm not holding you prisoner," Izaya said and then laughed when Shizuo scowled at him. "If possible, could you not come here again in a drunken state? Sleeping on the floor is not good for my back, if you know what I mean." As expected, Shizuo looked like a kicked puppy, and he couldn't help but enjoy the sight, because a beast suffocated by guilt was far more amusing than one without a conscience. "Bye~!" he told him, and then watched Shizuo until the brute disappeared inside the elevator.

Now that his nemesis was gone, he rushed upstairs to his bedroom and threw himself onto the bed, stretching and yawning at the same time. He stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying the soft feel of the mattress against his stiff back, until he got up and started to jump up and down on the bed. "Shizu-chan, I hate you so much. I hate you! I hate you! **I hate you!** I HATE YOU! **I HATE YOU!"**

He then spread his arms and closed his eyes as he kept jumping, seeing the blue sky with his mind's eyes.

"...but your unbeastly guilt is so amusing, that I can't stop myself from wishing to utterly...

BREAK YOU! **"**


	35. One Rainy Day

**Chapter 35: One Rainy Day**

.

After Shizuo's unexpected visit, and their somewhat civilized conversation the next day, Izaya felt the need to stay away from the man for a while. It wasn't that he was actively trying to avoid him, but work had been piling up for a while and he wanted to catch up, not to mention that he was tired of hearing Namie complain how he was such a useless human being and that he should go off himself instead of wasting oxygen. He hated to admit, but the woman never ceased to amuse him. Smirking, he glanced in her direction, waiting for her to feel his stare and to snap at him like she always did.

"What now?" she asked, sounding tired more than anything else.

Izaya's smirk widened, the sadistic gleam in his eyes a clear sign that he was enjoying her apathy. "I was wondering if Namie-san could go make me a cup of coffee." He expected her to tell him to jump out the window of his own apartment, or to at least protest, but instead of being predictable, she sighed loudly, got up, and went into the kitchen. He simply stared at her retreating back until she disappeared from sight, his eyes narrowing in confusion while he kept trying to figure out why she would be in such low spirits. Reclining in his desk chair, he slowly started to swivel in it, deciding that the curious case of Yagiri Namie needed further investigation. Before her day off, she had been her usual annoying self, but ever since she came to work in the morning, something seemed off about her. "Ah!" he exclaimed out loud and swished in his chair from side to side, anxiously waiting for her to come back so that he could tease her. His eyes were most likely glowing with malevolent intent, but when it came to Namie, he didn't care whether or not she knew how much he was enjoying himself whenever he figured something out and he would feel the burning need to embarrass her.

As his eyes drifted to the screen of his laptop, he saw that he had a new email. He didn't always check them right away, but since Namie was still in the kitchen, he decided to quickly see what it was about. The job seemed boring, but it still caught his interest when he saw that the man he was supposed to find was most likely in Ikebukuro. He could easily send one of his employees to find Saito Kaito―and he almost burst into laughter when he read the name―but the thought of running into Shizuo made him want to go there himself. Just thinking about the beast got his blood boiling, and it was about time he demanded compensation for the damages. He quickly looked up information on the man he was supposed to find, which was not that hard to find considering how people put their whole lives online without regard to their own safety, and then typed on his phone the address where he was most likely hiding. Happy that he had everything he needed, he grabbed his keys and got up.

"Here's your coffee," Namie said just as she set the steaming cup on his desk.

"I'm sorry, Namie-san, but you see, I have to go work right now, and as much as I'd love to cheer you up after you got dumped by your brother, **again,** I have no choice but to leave." His face almost split into two when she threw him the nastiest glare she could muster, and he didn't even bother to suppress his malicious chuckle when she nearly stomped back to her desk. "Oh, you can have the coffee if you wish."

She folded her arms in front of her chest and looked at the coffee cup with disgust before she shot him a glare. "Shove it!"

This time Izaya burst into laughter. "If I don't come back by the time you finish your work, go home."

"I don't need you to tell me that!"

Izaya simply shrugged and headed for the door, not before glaring at the fur-trimmed jacket he had no choice but to wear. He inwardly cursed Shizuo for ruining his favorite coat as he stepped outside into the cold weather, the murky sky a clear sign that it was going to rain. "Stupid Shizu-chan," he mumbled under his breath and headed for the train station. Normally, he would pay attention to the humans around him, but what used to be a pleasurable activity seemed more of a chore ever since his world got turned upside down by Ikebukuro's beast. How could he watch them from above after being crushed into the ground? Shizuo made him feel small, and he **loathed** him for it, because Orihara Izaya was meant to be a god. Fingers tightening around the switchblades he kept inside his pockets, he stepped into the train and sat down, not even noticing the disturbing smirk of a certain passenger sitting further in the back. His eyes drifted to the window and he gazed at the outside world for a while, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even sense someone approaching until he felt a hand on his shoulder. His head snapped in that direction and his eyes darkened, already starting to regret taking on the job, his knuckled turning white from how hard he was gripping the switchblades.

"Orihara-san, long time no see," Aoba said and sat down next to him. "There were rumors about you being dead, but I knew they weren't true."

"Good for you," was Izaya's curt reply before he turned his attention back to the outside world, small droplets of rain already starting to hit the window. He was not in the mood to entertain a kid who hated humans, and if he was lucky enough, his sisters' friend would get the message. Unfortunately for him, that didn't seem to be the case.

"Orihara-san, do you remember what you told me when we first met?"

Slowly, Izaya turned his head with a look of complete boredom on his face. "Oh, so we've met before?"

"I may not be someone important, but I believe that I am memorable enough for you to at least remember who I am."

"It was worth a try," Izaya said, not even bothering to hide his annoyance at having ran into him.

Aoba felt his eye twitch, and as much as he hated to admit, he did feel a bit humiliated at the way in which Izaya was looking at him as though he was an insect he could step on whenever he so wished. "'You have to love humans more. That way maybe one day you'll be able to meet someone whom you would be dying to be used by. I haven't met such a person yet, but since I'm in love with all humankind, I believe I can survive on my masochist's pleasure alone even if I'm used.' That's what you said."

"Fine, I remember," Izaya admitted and sighed out loud, hoping that the kid would disappear from his sight, but Aoba's smile only grew wider, darker, as though he knew something that Izaya himself didn't. His eyes narrowed into slits and he glared at him, fighting off the desire to flick open his switchblade and plunge it into Aoba's little, black heart. "Is there a point to all of this?" he finally asked with a smile on his face after putting one of his more cheerful masks on.

"Why did you stop loving humans?"

Izaya felt as though he'd been viciously hit in the chest, and he could only hope that his shock didn't show on his face. He still loved humans, and he would never stop loving them no matter what, but he had a lot of things on his mind, and he couldn't call himself a god as long as he was still haunted by vicious thrusts, cold hands and the beast's grunts of pleasure that somehow hurt him more than he ever wanted to admit. Ever so slowly, the corners of his lips moved upwards into a disturbing smile, and he knew that Aoba was starting to sense the danger he was in when he saw him infinitesimally back away. "How could I not love humanity when it's so fascinating? Ah, but someone like you who hates humans will never understand."

Aoba stayed quiet for a few moments, studying Izaya. "Someone who claims to love humans sure was busy ignoring everyone around him," he said, and then he almost jumped in surprise when Izaya started laughing.

"Us adults have jobs to do, so what does a child like you know?" Izaya asked once he stopped laughing, hoping that Ran's little brother felt insulted enough to simply fuck off.

Aoba continued though, expecting to see some cracks in the man's normally flawless facade. "Or is it that you've found that someone whom you're dying to be used by, and you're so distracted that you no longer notice the humans that you claim to love so much?" At this point, he expected to at least get a nasty glare from the Informant, so when Izaya's smirk got even more disturbing, he began to question his own assumptions.

"I see what this is," Izaya said and hooked an arm around the other's neck as he leaned towards him until his lips were almost touching a cold ear. "Are you dying to be used by me? Is that why you're practically stalking me? I'm sorry, but I don't fuck **boys****,"** he whispered in the most disgusted tone he could muster before he got up and headed for the doors, not before waving his hand and saying good bye to an extremely shocked Kuronuma Aoba, hoping to have embarrassed him so much that he would never be tempted to bother him again. Judging by the stricken expression on his face, the plan was a complete success.

He didn't leave right away, no, he waited outside on the platform, all the while staring at Aoba through the window, until the train started moving again and he could no longer see his face. Only then did he finally allow his smirk to drop, and he turned around and rushed to a nearby staircase that people didn't normally use, the nauseating feeling leaving him weak at the knees. What did Aoba knew about being used? _**Nothing!**_ What did Aoba knew about being used by someone for that person's own sick pleasure? _**NOTHING!**_ he screamed inside his head just as his body slid down the wall the moment he reached the stairs. He was shivering so badly that he could hear his own teeth chattering, and he looked around, wanting to make sure that no one would see him as he grabbed his arms and made himself smaller, his body hunched so badly that it looked as though he was in agony. His anguish wasn't physical though, at least not anymore, but he could still feel and remember the beast's marks on his body as though they were as fresh as they had been back then, his scarred mind incapable of forgetting them. He stayed like that for a while, eyes scrunched up as he fought to chase away the memories of just how exactly Shizuo had _used_ him. He despised Aoba for reducing him to a pathetic, shaking mess with just a few words, and he vowed to find a way to one day destroy him. He thought he was doing a good job at hiding how broken he was on the inside, but Ran's brother read him like an open book, and despite the disdain he felt for the teenager, he couldn't help but applaud him for his feat.

He was far from being completely defeated though, and despite how faint he was feeling, he got up and started walking away, refusing to succumb to the pain, the terror and all the other things that made him want to crawl into a dark, deep hole where no one could find him. Small shivers still shook his body, but he put on a cocky smile and tried to pay attention to the humans around him as they kept trying to hide from the rain. Even after being left to die in that cold alley, he still loved the feeling of the rain on his skin, and knowing that Shizuo hated it made him love it even more. He softly sighed when he realized that his mind had been wandering again, but luckily he was near the place where he assumed that Kaito was hiding, so he shook his head and focused on the task at hand. It was hard to believe how the person from whom Kaito stole an important USB Flash Drive, which was needed to access an account, hadn't been able to find out about the man's step brother, but that suited him just fine, because the more jobs he finished, the more his reputation would grow. His smile grew as he went around the corner, not expecting to literally run into the beast. A shudder ran down his spine when he realized into whom he'd just bumped, but he immediately composed himself and smirked as he backed away. "Shizu-chan, Tanaka-san, fancy seeing you here."

Tom had expected Izaya to immediately bolt away, and Shizuo to uproot the nearest stop sign and to chase after him, but against his expectations, both of them kept their ground. "Orihara-san, I'm glad to see you're alive and well," he said after a few moments of awkward silence, the two arch enemies staring at one another with expressions that he'd never seen on their faces before.

Izaya slowly turned his head towards him, and even though he was smiling, he hoped that Shizuo's boss could see the disdain in his eyes. "Are you now?"

Tom was taken aback for a second. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"Oh, I don't know... it might have something to do with you giving my business card to Shizu-chan."

"He only gave me the card after I promised that I would only talk to you, I swear," Shizuo said, taking both of them by surprise with his sudden intervention.

Izaya chuckled and then shrugged. "It's fine, it's fine! Shizu-chan only broke my sink this time around." Tom cringed, probably feeling guilty, and Shizuo looked as though he had forgotten that he broke it in the first place, but Izaya couldn't really hold it against him, not when he knew that his protozoic brain was not capable of retaining too much information.

Knowing that his friend wanted to be anywhere but there, Shizuo pulled out his wallet and handed him a few bills. "Could you please go buy a pack of cigarettes? I'm out." He watched Tom walk away before he turned his attention back to Izaya. "I'm sorry about the sink, it slipped my mind. I'm going to pay for it, I promise."

Smirking, Izaya pulled out his phone, typed something, and sent the message to Shizuo. "That sink was worth three times your monthly salary. I expect the money to be sent to this account." He saw Shizuo pale at the news, and he couldn't stop the malicious smile when he saw the man's distress. "Let me guess, you won't have any money left to buy your precious milk and sweets?"

"N-No, it's fine. I'll pay," Shizuo said reluctantly before he slipped the phone back into the pocket of his jacket and moved closer to the wall as he sought shelter from the rain. His eyes drifted to his nemesis, and he couldn't help but voice out his surprise. "You cut your hair."

"How observant of you," said Izaya in a mocking tone, "and while we're at it, I'm also wearing a jacket, because a stupid beast dirtied my precious coat."

Sighing out loud, Shizuo scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm sorry. Tell me where you got it from and I'll buy you a new one."

"Don't you think that if I could find that particular design I would've bought another one by now?" he asked through gritted teeth, barely stopping himself from stomping his foot on the wet pavement like a spoiled brat. "It was a **limited** edition! **Limited!****"** Besides, why would I wear something **you** bought?"

"Good point."

"Tch!"

Shizuo nervously bit his lower lip. "You're not going to tell him, are you?"

"Everyone deserves to know what kind of monster you are, but rest assured, I won't say a word, because it'd probably hurt me more than it would hurt you. I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear what you are capable of, but my reputation would go down the drain if people found out that Ikebukuro's beast dragged me into an alley and fucked me raw."

"Do you really have to be so... so―"

"Blunt? Yes." Feeling thoroughly pissed, he turned his head so that he could no longer see Shizuo, the man's face making him want to shove his switchblade into that idiotic brain of his. "I have to go, there's work for me to do in Ikebukuro." He heard Shizuo growl and he sneered in response. "If you don't like it, then try to stop me." When Shizuo didn't do anything, he turned his head and looked straight into his eyes, a challenging smirk adorning his face. "That's what I thought," he said, and as he started walking away, he realized that Shizuo being there couldn't have been a coincidence.

His hands tightened around the switchblades and he increased his speed, knowing that he had to get to Kaito before the debt collectors paid the man a visit. As soon as he went around a corner, he started running towards the man's apartment building, cursing the brute and his boss for interfering with his job. Once inside, he went up the stairs, two at a time, and then rang the doorbell as soon as he found himself in front of the man's apartment. "Saito-san, open up! Saito-san, the debt collectors are coming for you. Your brother sent me to get you to safety, please come with me." At the mention of his brother, the man opened the door, and Izaya almost laughed when he saw his look of mixed worry and disbelief. Some humans were stupid enough to believe him right away, but the one before him seemed skeptical.

"How do you know about the debt collectors?" Saito asked as he nervously grabbed his sweatshirt.

"They're on their way here, we don't have time to talk. Please come with me!"

"What's my brother's name?"

"Ryuunosuke. I assure you, he's the one who sent me," Izaya said and sighed out loud. "Ok, fine, if you don't want to come with me, then feel free to stay here and wait for Heiwajima Shizuo to show up and break your limbs one by one until you give him the money you owe his boss." As soon as he heard Shizuo's name, Kaito ran inside the apartment to put on a jacket and to most likely get the USB Flash Drive that Izaya was supposed to recover. The Informant smirked when the man reappeared a few moments later, slipping something inside the right pocket of his jacket as he walked out of the apartment. It surprised Izaya how someone as dumb as Saito Kaito could steal something so valuable, but he guessed that some people were just lucky like that. As soon as the man closed the door, they rushed down the stairs and dashed out of the apartment building at the same time that Tom and Shizuo were crossing the street.

"IIIIZAAAAYAAAAA!" Shizuo roared the moment he figured out what was happening, the flea's jaunty wave sending him into a murderous frenzy. He was not so far gone as to not remember that he was not supposed to hurt him, but at the same time they had to catch Saito, so they had no choice but to go after them. He also didn't want Izaya to hurt Tom, so he turned towards his friend and made a suggestion. "Get Saito, I'll get Izaya." Tom nodded and the chase began, the insect's annoying laughter grating on his nerves.

"It's been a while," Izaya said loud enough for the beast to hear him. He expected Shizuo to insult him, or to throw something at him, but the man kept quiet. He chanced a glance backwards, but he instantly regretted it, a wave of terrifying images violently crashing into his mind. His steps faltered for a moment, but he pulled himself together and slowed down his pace instead of dashing forward, knowing that Saito couldn't otherwise keep up with him if he went ahead at full speed. Luckily, Shizuo was also running slower because of Tom, and Izaya couldn't help but laugh at the hilarity of the situation. He turned his head and eyed the pocket where the USB Flash Drive was located, trying to find a way to get his hands on it without Saito noticing. "I know a place where we can hide at, but you're going to have to run faster," he told the other man right before he went around a corner, Saito barely having time to adjust his direction.

"I can't go any faster!" Kaito whined.

"Then you might as well give up now. I'm sure Ikebukuro's beast will enjoy breaking every bone in your body." His words had the desired effect, because the man increased his speed as though his life depended on it. Izaya chuckled darkly and started sprinting through alleyways and side-streets with Kaito in tow, glancing back once in a while to see if he'd lost Shizuo. "Wait here while I distract them," he said just as he grabbed Kaito's arm and pulled him behind a store, at the same time using the opportunity to retrieve the USB Flash Drive. "I'll be back soon." He waited until the man nodded before he slipped through the narrow space between the store and the wall, not caring any longer if they found Kaito or not. He was not done playing with the beast though, so he went back the same way, Shizuo making it easier for him when he roared out his name for the whole world to hear. He spotted the beast not that far from where he'd stopped, and even though his limbs were trembling with fine tremors, he still went ahead and revealed himself to the monster.

"Shizu-chan, if you catch me, I'll tell you where I stashed him," he chirped and started running in the opposite direction, Shizuo immediately following after him. As expected, Tom stayed behind to look for Kaito, and that suited Izaya just fine, because he didn't want any interruption. Now, more than ever, he was curious to see what his archenemy would do if he caught him again, and even though he was terrified at the prospect of Shizuo losing himself to his anger, he still needed to know if the beast could keep his promise. He was obviously playing with fire, but he didn't want to think about that as he dashed through the streets, Ikebukuro's beast hot on his heels. With Saito and Tom out of the way, both of them could run at full speed, and, surprisingly enough, Izaya was starting to enjoy the chase despite the nauseating feeling burning through the pit of his stomach. Even the water splashing beneath his feet each time he stepped into a puddle sent his mind back to that evening, but this time around he was not injured, and even though he was thinner and slightly weaker than before, Shizuo still couldn't catch him no matter how hard he was trying. Had he been less of a coward, he would've led Shizuo to the place where the man had caught him back then, but he doubted that he could go anywhere near it without breaking down, so instead he lured him into an alley from where he could scream for help and get it in case he found himself in a bad situation. He shivered when a gust of wind hit his cold, wet face as he sprinted through the narrow space, Shizuo so close behind him that he could almost feel the man's breath on his neck. He wasn't even halfway through when Ikebukuro's beast grabbed the hood of his jacket and pulled him backwards, and even though he was slammed into the wall quite hard, it wasn't anywhere near as painful as it had been the first time he'd been caught. At that point, he expected Shizuo to either question him about Saito or to attack him, so he couldn't have been more surprised when the man pulled back his hands and looked at him with worry evident in his eyes.

"D-Does it s-still hurt... d-down there?" Shizuo stuttered as he backed away until he hit the opposite wall.

Izaya's face immediately turned red in embarrassment, and before he even knew what he was doing, he took a step towards Shizuo and viciously slapped him, the sound bouncing off the walls and resonating throughout the narrow space. "W-Why would you a-ask me t-t...that?!"

Shizuo raised his hand and touched the swollen skin, a feeling of shame making him lower his head to hide his burning face. "I caught you..." he said in a meek voice.

"Stupid beast, don't overestimate yourself. Even though it was our first chase in over three months, you still wouldn't have caught me had I not allowed it." As expected, Shizuo snapped his head up and glared at him, and even though Izaya wanted to punch him this time around, he shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jacket and wrapped his fingers around the two switchblades he always carried with him. "What? Did you think that you could ever catch me without having cracked open my head first? **Idiot.****"** The corners of his lips quirked upwards into a malicious smile, and as they glared at each other, he could tell that Shizuo was really mad at him. "You're angry, aren't you? You must be, so what are you going to do about it?" His malevolent smile morphed into a vicious smirk. "You're going to screw me again, hmm? You're goin―" He never got to finish though, the beast's fist flying past his head and crashing into the wall behind him, the unforeseen outburst turning his knees to jelly.

**"Shut up,"** Shizuo growled in a low, dangerous, and at the same time tired tone as he pulled back his fist. **"Just shut the fuck up."**

And with that Izaya watched the monster of his nightmares walk away, the hurt expression on Shizuo's face telling him that the beast had finally been tamed. Fine tremors shook his body, but a malicious smile still spread across his face at the thought of bringing Shizuo to a point where he would drown in guilt and self-loathing. _I'm just getting started, Shizu-chan, so don't even think about taking your own life before I'm done._


	36. No Ordinary Love

**Chapter 36: No Ordinary Love**

.

Shizuo kept cursing under his breath as he retraced his steps back to where he'd left Tom, but the man was no longer there, and as much as he wanted to smoke a cigarette and fill his lungs with some much needed nicotine, he couldn't do anything about it until he was out of the rain. Sighing out loud, he was about to pull out his phone to call Tom when he saw a furious Shinra stomping towards him, the man raising his hand to slice him with a scalpel the moment he was in range. Without hesitation, Shizuo caught his wrist and squeezed it until the instrument slipped out of Shinra's hand and hit the pavement with a loud clack. He then wrapped his right hand around the man's neck and slammed him into the nearest wall, wincing when he realized that he might've used too much force, the blood trickling down the doctor's neck and tainting the rain soaked lab coat a clear indication that he'd injured his head.

**"Where is he?"** Shinra asked through gritted teeth once he was able to see again, his vision having gone black the moment his head made contact with the wall.

"Who...? Oh, Izaya... I left him in an alley nearby," he answered, still a bit confused as to why the doctor would attack him out of nowhere.

Shinra roared and started kicking and punching Shizuo, wanting to destroy the beast even if it was the last thing he'd do. He knew that something would go wrong the moment he heard a few shop owners complaining how the peace had been shattered because Ikebukuro's beast was back to chasing Orihara Izaya, so he rushed to stop them before it was too late. Unfortunately, it didn't look like he'd made it in time. "HOW COULD YOU?" he cried out loud in despair.

Shizuo's brows furrowed in confusion, and he had to fight off the impulse to tighten his grip around the man's neck for being an asshole to him, but when he realized why Shinra was so upset, he grabbed both his wrists and pinned them to the wall. **"Calm down,** I didn't do anything to him."

"Why should I believe you?" Shinra asked, shaking in rage, but at the same time hoping that for once, Shizuo had succeeded in controlling himself.

"Look, you can call him if you don't believe me. I didn't hur―... I didn't hurt him like that!"

The dark grey eyes behind the glasses narrowed. **"How** did you hurt him then?"

Shizuo felt more exhausted than he had felt in a very long time, the constant accusations and insults wearing him down. Everyone had a limit to how much they could take, and he realized that he'd just reached his. "None of your goddam business, you bastard! Who the hell do you think you are, coming here and swinging your little knife at me in the middle of the street?" he snarled and then tightened his grip around the doctor's wrists until a few pained noises slipped past those almost pale lips. "I've beaten people within an inch of their miserable lives for a lot less."

"O-Once a m-monster, always a monster," Shinra said in-between gasps of pain.

"FUCK YOU!" Shizuo roared and captured both his wrists in one hand before he grabbed Shinra's jaw and squeezed it hard enough to bruise. "What do YOU know? You don't give a shit about anyone but Celty! You didn't even say **one** word to Izaya when he tried to get me killed, did you? Not even one..."

Shinra's expression turned malicious despite the pain. "Is t-that it? Is that w-why you're so... you're so pissed at m-me? Cause I don't give a d-damn about you? Oh, I'm s-sorry," he said in a mocking tone and tried to kick him again, something he immediately regretted when Shizuo almost pulverized his wrists with how hard he was squeezing them. This time around he did cry out in pain, and just when he thought that he would really get his wrists broken, he was peeled off the wall a shoved away roughly. He had no way to soften the sudden pull of gravity, so his left elbow took the brunt of the fall when it made contact with the pavement, a shrill leaving his lips when he felt the bone crack, the doctor in him immediately identifying it as an olecranon fracture.

"Stay the hell away from me," Shizuo sneered just before he started walking away.

"A-And you stay away f-from Izaya, you hear me? I swear that I will k-kill you in the most painful way I c-can imagine if you t-touch him again," Shinra threatened after he pushed himself off the ground despite the pain that made him want to curl into a tight ball. "Don't t-think I won't do it!"

"You do that," Shizuo said without looking back. He could hear Shinra's voice from somewhere behind him, but he kept ignoring the insults, not wanting to go back when he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop himself before breaking a few of the man's bones. If there had ever been a bridge between them, that bridge was gone, and the only thing left was a chasm which they would never be able to cross again.

Behind him, Shinra was struggling with the pain while cradling the broken arm to his chest, which made it extremely difficult for him to pull out his phone and call Izaya. No matter what Shizuo said, he couldn't trust the monster to speak the truth.

"Are you all right?" asked a woman who happened to see some of the fight. "Is there any way I can help?"

Shinra had to force himself to smile even though he only felt agonizing pain. "I'm f-fine, but could you p-please help me with m-my phone? It's in the left pocket of my pants." She was obviously not comfortable with shoving her hand into a stranger's pockets, but she did it anyway. "Thank you," he said as soon as she handed him the device, and then he turned around and walked away, tightly gripping the phone. The pain in his arm made it hard for him to even think, and if Izaya was fine, then calling him was an extremely bad idea, but he **needed** to know if he was all right. The phone only rang two times before Izaya obviously turned it off, and Shinra immediately assumed that his friend didn't want to talk to him. That side, as much as he wanted to ignore the problem, his arm was broken, and he had to take care of it whether he wanted to or not. It was not the type of injury he could fix by himself, which meant that he had no choice but to go to a hospital. A clear sound of irritation slipped past his lips, and he dialed a number to call a cab, all the while starting to regret his earlier outburst. He should've known better than to provoke Shizuo, but he'd panicked, his body going cold at the thought of having to fix an almost dying Izaya again. He'd never been worried about either of them before, not even when they used to show up at his apartment and bled all over his floor, because he always thought they would be all right, but then Shizuo had to go ahead and mess everything up. Annoyed, he lightly kicked the lamp post he was leaning against as he waited for the cab, wondering why it was taking so long for the driver to get there. He was about to call the number again when he saw the car appearing around the corner, and he pushed himself away and sighed in relief, looking forward to getting his arm taken care of so that he could move to other more important things weighing on his mind.

"To the nearest hospital," he told the driver after he struggled to pull out his wallet and handed the man a few bills. His left arm was a mass of raw agony, and his head wasn't doing that better either. He could feel warm blood trickling down the back of his neck, and he hoped that it wasn't too bad because he couldn't afford to lose his consciousness anytime soon. He didn't pay any attention to the outside world as he was driven there, and by the time he reached the hospital, he had to lean against the walls of the building to not fall down. Unfortunately, the head injury was worse than he'd expected, and the last thing he saw before he slipped into unconsciousness was a nurse rushing towards him.

When he woke up again a couple of hours later, his arm was in a cast and it looked as though the wound on the back of his head had been stitched up. He groaned and tried to get up, but he was pushed back by a doctor he knew.

"Don't even think about it."

"I have important things to take care of, so I can't waste my time lying in bed," Shinra whined and tried to push Sakamoto away.

The man gently pushed Shinra back on the bed. "I can't let you go, not after seeing the head injury. It looks bad, so you need to stay here under observation."

"Seriously, I'm **fine!** Now, could you please let go of my arm?" Shinra demanded in an irritated tone. "I'll come back tomorrow, but I really have to go right now."

Sakamoto glowered at him for a few longs moments before he sighed out loud and moved away. "Doctors are terrible patients. Just don't blame me if you end up dead in the meantime."

"I won't!" Shinra chirped and got up even though he was still feeling a little dizzy. His eyes scanned the hospital room and he realized that his clothes weren't anywhere in sight. "I can't leave like this. Where are they?"

"They?"

"My clothes! Where are they?"

The doctor sheepishly scratched the back of his head and took on an apologetic look. "I gave a little something to one of the nurses to wash them for you."

"What am I supposed to wear now?!" Shinra cried and collapsed on the bed.

"Hmm, I have a spare change of clothes. You can have those."

"Great, thanks," he said and patiently waited for Sakatamo to bring them to him.

"They aren't anything special, but they should fit you," said the doctor as he handed him the clothing articles once he came back, still reluctant about having Shinra leave the hospital after such a powerful blow to the head. "I didn't call Celty."

Shinra raised his head and smiled. "Thanks! I wouldn't want her to worry over nothing."

"It's not _nothing!_ Your arm is broken, your head got banged against something, pretty hard might I add, and what's with those bruises on your wrists, neck and face?" he asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "What the hell happened?"

"I had a run-in with an old friend," Shinra said, his smile gone and replaced by a frown.

"A... friend...?"

"Yes." Shinra didn't say anything after that. Instead, he waited for Sakamoto to leave the room before he proceeded to take off the hospital gown and put on the man's clothes, a feat not easy to achieve with a broken arm. They weren't exactly his style, but the grey t-shirt, black pants and jacket worked pretty well together. His eyes then scanned the room for his phone and wallet, and once he found them he slipped them into his pockets and walked out. Sakamoto was no longer outside, but that worked for him, because he was not in the mood to get lectured again on how he should stay in bed instead of walking around.

It was starting to get dark outside when Izaya heard the doorbell, and even though he was tempted to pretend that he wasn't home, he got up from his desk chair and went to answer it anyway. He expected a different number of people to look for him, but an injured Shinra was not one of them. "What happened to you?" he asked, and even though he knew that it wasn't right to enjoy the doctor's suffering, he did nonetheless.

Shinra sighed loudly and fixed his glasses. "Shizuo happened," he said tiredly, the headache having gotten worse ever since he woke up in the hospital.

Izaya's first reaction was to tighten his fingers around the handle, a flare of anger rising within him, but when he remembered what Shinra had done to him, his murderous expression turned into a smirk. "Really now? And how exactly did that happen?"

"Do you mind?" Groaning, Shinra pushed Izaya aside and walked inside the apartment, completely ignoring the man's outraged expression. His eyes fell on the couch closer to the door and he hurried there, unsure on how much longer he could stand before collapsing on the floor, his vision having gone slightly darker around the edges long before he even got to the door. The moment he sat down he closed his eyes and reclined against the couch, sighing softly. "Don't look at me like that. I can feel your glare even with my eyes closed."

"Oh? That's quite the feat!" Izaya said and chuckled darkly as he sat down on the other couch, his eyes narrowing infinitesimally at the man's rain-soaked clothes dripping on his black couch.

Shinra's expression turned into a frown before he slowly canted his head and opened his eyes to look at Izaya. "You barge into my apartment all the times, so how is this any different from what you do?"

Izaya simply shrugged, an amused expression adorning his face. "Well, excuse me for needing a doctor once in a while. At least now you know what it means to confront Shizu-chan," he said, and he was surprised to hear Shinra growl, the usually calm man looking more pissed than he'd seen him in a long time.

"That strength is not normal," Shinra muttered before he finally straightened his back to give Izaya his full attention. He was feeling slightly better now that he wasn't standing, but the headache was still bad enough to make him crave the sweet relief of unconsciousness. Whatever painkillers Sakamoto gave him, they weren't working.

Brown-red eyes fell upon the bruised jaw, and Izaya felt his stomach roil with sickening intensity as he envisioned Shizuo hurting Shinra, the man's injuries a tell-tale of what must've happened between them. The doctor ran a shaky hand through his hair, and that's when Izaya saw the almost black bruises on those frail wrists. His fingers curled into the material of his pants, the simmering anger he felt towards him going down just a bit. "So how was it?" he finally asked in malicious tone, because despite how much he sympathized with the doctor, he couldn't forgive him for what happened during their last meeting. Shinra's tired eyes turned towards him, the man's confused expression telling him that he had no idea what he wanted to know. "How was it to be at Shizu-chan's mercy?"

Shinra tilted his head and blankly stared ahead for a while, trying to figure out how to answer the question. "Painful," he said after a while. He then looked straight into Izaya's eyes, the man's blood-thirsty smirk telling him that he was enjoying his suffering. "Extremely painful." Unconsciously, he ran his fingers across the bruised jaw, wincing in pain each time he pressed too hard into the skin. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Izaya sneered before he reclined against the couch and crossed both his arms and legs. "I'm not that petty," he said coldly. Feeling annoyed, he snapped his head in the other direction and glared at an invisible spot on the wall. "Were you scared?"

"Anger overrode my senses, so there was no room for fear," Shinra answered honestly, and when Izaya turned his head and gave him a questioning look, he continued. "I heard some people saying they saw him chasing you through Ikebukuro. I thought he hurt you again, so when I found him, I confronted him, but I'm just a doctor, so I couldn't do anything..." he said, his tone dripping with spite. "Still, I'm relieved to see you're all right."

Despite how much he wanted to hate Shinra, Izaya still felt warmth spread throughout his chest, but unfortunately, that only made him angrier. "Hypocritical words coming from someone who tried to kill me with his bare hands." Shinra's flinch told him that the doctor most likely regretted his actions, but that still didn't make him feel better.

Shinra lowered his head, fingers painfully digging into his left arm. "I'm sorry... I lost it."

Hearing those words, Izaya saw red, and he had to fight the urge to get up and hurt him. "That's what he said," he ground out the words. "He hadn't meant to almost fuck me to death, and you didn't mean to strangle me to death... you both just lost it after all."

Feeling as though he'd just been punched in the guts, Shinra stared wide-eyed at Izaya for a few long moments before he finally found his voice. "I'm so―"

"I don't want to hear it!" Izaya hissed before he jumped to his feet and stomped over to Shinra. Bending down, he fisted his hand into the man's t-shirt, his whole body thrumming with rage as he shook him. "You betrayed me," he said in a wounded voice, not caring if the other could read him like an open book. In fact, he wanted Shinra to know just how much his betrayal hurt. "YOU BETRAYED ME!" he roared and pulled Shinra up before he roughly pushed him towards the door. "Get out."

"Wait, let me explain myself!" Shinra pleaded, but Izaya's stony expression told him that he was not in the mood for any excuses.

"I won't tell you again... get out," Izaya repeated as he pulled out a switchblade and flicked it open before pointing it in Shinra's direction. Seeing how the doctor was frozen on the spot, he sauntered towards him, the man only reacting the moment he raised the weapon and pressed it to his neck.

Shinra flinched and fought to swallow the lump in his throat as he gazed into Izaya's crazed expression. "I'm sor―"

"SHUT UP!" Izaya roared, the fury burning from deep within almost setting his eyes aflame. "I don't want to hear your excuses. You would not hesitate to throw me under the bus for Celty's sake," he said through gritted teeth, the hand holding the switchblade trembling badly enough to make a few superficial cuts on the already bruises neck of the man he once considered to be his only friend.

Shinra was too stunned to come up with a reply, so he opened and closed his mouth a few times before he found the right words. "I didn't know she'd bullied you into telling her what happened..."

Enraged, Izaya harshly fisted his left hand into Shinra's hair and leaned closer until their foreheads were almost touching. "No one can make me do anything I don't want to... well, no one besides Shizu-chan, but you already know that." Shinra tried to pull away, but Izaya tightened his fingers into the black hair and held him there. "What? Are you mad?" he asked, smirking, wanting to see what Shinra would do next, but when the doctor only glared at him, he continued. "I wouldn't have told her had she not insisted, but I won't deny that I enjoyed her distress when I told her how her precious Shizuo, whom she'd been defending the whole time, was nothing more than a rapist who would go as far as to fuck his archenemy just to teach him a lesson."

"You're the one who betrayed me!" Shinra snapped and grabbed Izaya by the front of his t-shirt. "You knew I wanted to spare her the suffering of knowing what her best friend had done, and yet you told her anyway!"

A vicious laugh spilled at Shinra's words, and Izaya shook his head and backed away before he pocketed the switchblade. Abruptly, he stopped laughing and glowered at him, the man almost shrinking back from his glare. "You betrayed me first by making me believe that you cared about me. I would've preferred indifference over false affection," he said in the coldest tone he could muster before his eyes fell on his laptop and he moved to sit down in his desk chair. "I'm busy, so if you don't mind, I would appreciate it if you could leave me alone."

"I do care about you," Shinra confessed, but Izaya was typing away at his laptop, clearly dismissing him from his presence. "Please don't do this," he tried again, but he got no answer. Realizing that no matter what he said or did, Izaya wouldn't listen to him, he turned on his heels and headed for the door, his hand tightening around the handle when he heard a cold voice coming from somewhere behind him.

"You were the only person I would've never hurt."

Shinra barely stopped himself from running back and begging Izaya for forgiveness, knowing full well that it'd be pointless. Still, he felt the need to tell him something before leaving. "You should've known that I would do anything for Celty." Izaya didn't say anything, so Shinra walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him, his heart sinking at the thought of their broken friendship.

Celty was watching TV when she heard the door open. Reluctantly, she got up and went to greet Shinra, already typing her welcome home message before she even reached the hallway, her PDA almost slipping from her hands the moment she was met with the sight of a bruised and injured Kishitani Shinra. [WHO DID THIS TO YOU?] she furiously typed, the small device almost breaking from how hard she was squeezing it in her fury.

Shinra lowered his head and awkwardly scratched his nape. "An old friend," he answered, and in the next moment the PDA was shoved in his face, so close to his eyes that he had to back away to see the text. "No one important, so can we please not talk about it?"

[He broke your arm!]

"Actually, no, he didn't," he said while struggling to take off his jacket. "I lost my balance and it broke when I fell, I swear!" When he saw that she didn't look convinced, he snatched the PDA from her hands and pulled her into a hug. "I missed you so much!" he chirped in a cheerful tone in an attempt to distract her. Immediately, Celty tried to pull away, but Shinra only held on tighter, refusing to let go of the woman for whom he'd lost his best friend. "I really need this right now," he said softly, and he couldn't have been more grateful to Celty when she wrapped her arms around his back and nestled into his embrace. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. The fracture will heal, and then all I'll be as good as new." From the way she was trembling, he could tell that she wanted to hurt whoever had attacked him, but he had no intention of telling her anything, because the last thing he needed was for Celty to confront Shizuo. She was strong, but so was Shizuo, and he couldn't risk her getting hurt. He didn't exactly think that he would attack her, but he had no doubt that Shizuo would defend himself if need be, just like he'd done earlier that day. "Can you help me out of this jacket?" he said after a while when her trembling finally subsided.

Reluctantly, Celty pulled away, took his hand, and then led him to the bathroom where she could take off his rain-soaked clothes, realizing that he might catch a cold if he stayed in them for much longer. Her eyes fell on his bruised jaw and neck, and she felt fury burning her from deep within, like a fire igniting the anger she felt towards whoever had done such a thing to the man she came to love.

"One second," Shinra said before he gave her back the PDA and turned on the hot water so that he could take a bath. "I'm freezing."

[Raise your arms,] she ordered, his surprised expression telling her that he hadn't expected to get help with the rest of his clothes. [I'm not going to run away when you need me the most.]

Shinra's smile grew wider and he raised his arms. "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable over something like this, especially when I can do it myself. Granted, it'll take me a while, but I'll get it done eventually." She typed her answer with conviction, and Shinra couldn't stop smiling at how cute she was when she was both so determined and flustered.

[I can do it!] Taking the last step towards him, she grabbed the lower part of his t-shirt and slowly pulled it up, revealing more and more pale skin. By the time it was completely off, her hands were quivering, and she quickly dropped it into the sink before coming back to him, that all-knowing smirk on his face further proving that Shinra could always guess what she was thinking, and what she was thinking at that moment was how could a doctor who didn't exercise much look so good, the lean body and elegantly defined muscles almost hypnotizing her into touching that milky skin.

"I can take care of the rest." He tried to spare her the embarrassment, but the way her shoulders moved told him that she was shaking her head. "Celty is so good to me, I don't even know how to tha―" he started, but the rest of the words got caught in his throat when she grabbed his pants and lowered the zipper before she unbuttoned them and tugged them down and off his legs. He shivered each time her fingers brushed against his skin, and he hoped that he wouldn't get too excited over something as simple as getting undressed by the love of his life. He was quite shameless at times, but getting hard in front of Celty when she was just trying to help was too much even for him. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't even see her move, and he jumped in surprised when her fingers brushed past his navel. Instinctively, he grabbed the waistband of his underwear, his face going red at the thought of Celty seeing him completely naked. "I c-can do t-this!" he stuttered pathetically, expecting her to at least turn around and give him some privacy, but when she folded her arms in front of her chest, he stared in amazement, trying to think of all sorts of disgusting things so that he wouldn't get it up at the thought of the woman he loved seeing him in all of his naked glory. "I had no idea that you loved to see me suffer," he said with a smile on his face while he took off his underwear and stepped into the tub, resting the broken arm on the edge of the tub so that it wouldn't get wet.

[I don't like to see you suffer,] Celty typed on her PDA and showed him the message when she noticed how red his face was. Then again, she was certain that her face would turn red as well if she had her head, the image of a naked Shinra turning her on a lot more than she wanted to admit.

Shinra pouted and raised his knees, already starting to feel the beginning of a vicious hard-on. _Notnownotnownotnow,_ he kept screaming inside his head while Celty retrieved a sponge and proceeded to scrub his shoulders and back, his pulse increasing the moment she dipped a hand into the water to wash his abdomen. "ICANDOITMYSELF!" he screeched and backed away further into the tub, his heart speeding up and his body burning with desire. "I'll d-do the rest!" he said as he turned around, barely stifling a moan when he accidentally brushed his fingers against his nether region. Luckily, Celty heeded his request and went back to gently massaging his stiff shoulders. A pleasurable sigh slipped past his lips, and he relaxed into her touch even though he wanted nothing more than to take care of his own problem. His head still hurt, but the growing heat coiling around in his abdomen was distracting enough to almost make him forget about it. By the time Celty was done, he didn't even dare turn around because he felt thoroughly embarrassed with himself. "Thank you for your help, but I can do the rest. Wait for me outside, ok? I'll be right there," he tried, but the PDA shoved in his face from the Dullahan behind him made him cringe.

[You don't look very well.]

"I'm fine, really. I just need a few minutes," he said in an embarrassingly high-pitched tone. He held his breath as Celty typed the next message, and he almost cried in relief when he read it.

[Ok, I'll be outside. Call me if you need me.]

He frantically nodded and waited for Celty to get out and close the door behind her before he slumped in relief against the edge of the tub, his head hanging limply for a few moments before he grabbed the sponge and washed his lower half with a trembling hand. Mindful of his broken arm and stitched up head, he turned on the shower and leaned against the wall tiles, all the while making sure that the minimum amount of water got on his injuries. His whole body was burning, especially his middle half, and he bit into his lower lip in an attempt to stop the pleasurable noise threatening to slip past his burning lips, fearing that any sound he made would reverberate off the walls. As an accomplice to what he was doing, his mind bombarded him with fantasies of a naked Celty, his hand mindlessly increasing its speed to the point that it was slightly painful, but the searing need to come was so strong that he didn't even care anymore. He imagined himself squeezing those perfect breasts, and the image of Celty spread before him made him come undone. He almost blacked out when the orgasm rippled throughout his body, and he leaned his forehead against the cold tiles, his ragged breath so loud in his ears that he wondered if Celty could hear him from outside the bathroom. With his legs feeling like they were made of cotton, he allowed the water to pelt his heated body for only a few more moments before he turned off the shower and slid down the wall and back into the bathtub, his headache momentarily forgotten as he basked in the afterglow of a mind-blowing orgasm for a while, until he heard a knock on the door and he jerked in surprise, his slouched body straightening and turning stiff.

"I'll be right out," he assured Celty, and even though he wanted nothing more than to pass out right there, he forced himself to get out of the tub and dry his body with a towel, the thing almost slipping through his fingers when he realized that he had no clothes to change into. "Celty darling, could you bring me some clothes?" He heard the sound of footsteps moving away, and he wiped the fog off the mirror and stared at his reflection for a few moments, his face still red from his earlier activities. His fingers tightened around the edge of the sink and he laughed, thinking that he should've gotten injured a lot sooner if that was what it took for Celty to take such good care of him. He was still upset about his fight with Izaya, but he decided to put that aside for a while and enjoy this new development in his and Celty's relationship. Slowly, he unclenched his fingers and turned around, wanting to go and wait by the door for his clothes, not expecting Celty to simply walk in with no care in the world. Without thinking, he covered himself with his hand, his face growing hot once again. "You could've slipped them to me instead of coming in yourself," he said, his tone sounding a little strained.

Celty passed him the clothes so that she could type. [If I can't even take care of the man I love when he's injured, then what is the point of loving someone?]

Shinra's expression softened and his heart picked up speed again, a pleasant warmth spreading throughout his chest. "I love you too," he said with a smile on his face. He could tell that she was flustered and slightly uncomfortable about the whole thing, but that made him appreciate her help even more. He didn't protest when Celty took the clothes and proceeded to dress him, both of them enjoying the companionable silence. It wasn't late, but he was tired, and the vicious headache was back, so he took a few more painkillers before heading for the bedroom. "The cast is uncomfortable," he said while he lied in his bed. "I'm going to get arm braces tomorrow... you should come wit―" He never got to finish, his jaw falling when Celty's full body suit changed into a night gown and she slipped under the covers and into his arms. "Ah, Celty, you're so cruel, I hope you know that." Her shoulders jerked in silent laughter, and he wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her closer, a satisfied sigh slipping past his lips at having the woman of his dreams in his bed.

[Get some sleep!] she ordered, and then squirmed for a few moments until she found a comfortable position.

"Mhmm, good night," Shinra said just before he closer his eyes, a satisfied smile adorning his face. _I love you! I love you! I love you,_ he kept repeating inside his head until exhaustion caught up with him and he finally fell asleep.


	37. No Leaf Clover

**Chapter 37: No Leaf Clover**

.

"Aren't you going to tell me what happened? You haven't said a word ever since we ran into Orihara Izaya," Tom complained in a slightly irritated tone.

Shizuo slowly turned his head and gave him a confused look. "What?"

Tom gestured to a more secluded place where they could talk in peace, and Shizuo followed without protest. "You've been acting really strange since yesterday afternoon." Instead of replying, Shizuo seemed to ignore him, preoccupying himself with fishing the lighter and the cigarette pack from his pants pocket and lighting one up. "Could you please just answer my questions?" he snapped, feeling as though he was at wit's end.

Biting hard into the cigarette, Shizuo glared at him. He was far more disturbed by the dream he had the night before than by his run-in with Izaya even though their chase had almost ended with him punching the bastard in the face for trying to rile him up. He'd been awake for a few hours, and yet he still couldn't stop thinking how real the dream had felt. Slowly, he raised a hand and brushed his fingers across his face, as if to make sure it hadn't been real. "I don't want to talk about it right now," Shizuo finally mumbled when he realized that his friend was still glaring at him.

"You never do! Something happened between you and Orihara Izaya, I'm sure of it." He lit up a cigarette as well before continuing, his friend's rigid stance telling him that he was on the right track. "He said that you only broke his sink this time around, which suggests that you've broken more than that before, like maybe his bones. You caught him, didn't you?" The way Shizuo tensed at his words made Tom think that he was on the right track, so he continued. "It would explain his absence from Ikebukuro, and also why you started acting strange around the same time he disappeared." Sighing, he leaned against the wall. "You obviously hate him, but at the same same time you don't like violence, so I can see why you'd feel guilty if you had been too rough on him. You're a good person, Shizuo, and it looks like he's doing fine, so stop beating yourself over it." Disquieted laughter reached his ears and he felt a shiver run down his spine at the sound, his friend's crazed expression making him instinctively push back into the wall.

"You don't know anything," Shizuo snarled, snapping the cigarette in two and hurling it to the ground before viciously stomping on it. "Stop telling me that I'm a good person, because I'm not. The more you tell me this, the worse I fell, can't you see that?"

Tom was too shocked to say anything, so he nodded slowly. When he found his voice again, he felt the need to apologize. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

Shizuo immediately regretted his outburst. If anything, he should've been grateful that someone cared enough to ask what was wrong. "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped like that." Leaning against the wall as well, he pulled out another cigarette. "I don't like it when people tell me that I'm a good person."

"I'm sorry, Shizuo, I really am," Tom apologized once again. "I don't think you're a bad person, that's all."

"I'm worse than you can imagine," Shizuo said, blankly staring ahead. "What I've done to him is unforgivable."

Tom canted his head, eyes falling on Shizuo's sad expression. "I can't help but wonder what it is that you've done."

"Something terrible," Shizuo confessed. "A good person would never do what I've done."

Tom pushed himself away from the wall before he moved in front of him and placed a hand on top of a tense shoulder. "You could've killed him for what he's done to you over the years, but you didn't. Isn't that enough?"

Shizuo lowered his head, his eyes now fixed on an invisible spot on the ground. "I think he would've preferred death―" he said without thinking, his head snapping back up, wide eyes staring at Tom's worried expression when he realized what he'd just said. "I shouldn't have said that! Fuck!" he fretted, teeth grinding hard against each other.

Tom's brows furrowed in confusion and he pulled his hand back. "Whatever it is that you've done, you're not dead yet, so it couldn't have been as―" He never got to finish though, Shizuo's broken laugh startling him. "Hey..." he spoke softly, but his friend was back to staring at the ground and contemplating what Tom had just told him.

Shizuo knew that Izaya had something horrible in store for him, but he couldn't even begin to guess what could be worse than what he'd already tried to do. A shiver ran down his spine at the memory and he shuddered, his body going cold at the thought that Izaya might still be thinking of using Kasuka to get revenge on him. He felt his heartbeat quicken, but then he remembered Izaya's words and he struggled to fight the nausea threatening to overtake him. He had no choice but to trust him. "Let's just get back to work. I don't like to think about it, you know?" he nearly pleaded.

Tom nodded, and he was about to inform him where they'd have to go next when a man stopped beside them instead of walking by. "Can I help you?" The man however ignored him and instead grabbed Ikebukuro's beast by the arm. Tom saw his friend's eyebrow twitch and he moved backwards with a sigh, already knowing what would happen next. It was right when the man had just finished asking Shizuo to come with him in broken Japanese that he was punched square in the face and knocked unconscious. "I can't help but wonder why he would ever think that it was a good idea to mess with you..." Tom mused out loud right before he shoved cold hands into his pockets and proceeded to walk away, Shizuo shrugging before following after him.

Hours went by as the two of them worked in silence, this time around Tom leaving him alone with his thoughts. Shizuo couldn't have been more grateful, especially when he could barely focus on the job. Luckily, he didn't have to; all he needed to do was to threaten or beat up guys here and there whenever Tom wasn't able to talk them into paying their debts. Shizuo's thoughts kept drifting to the other Izaya he'd met in his dream, the man's words haunting him more than most of the things the real Izaya had ever told him. He knew that Izaya was damaged, but was he as damaged as he'd been led to believe by the apparition in his dream? Such were the thoughts going through his mind as he was walking down a side-street to their next target when he felt a sting at the back of his neck. He raised a hand to swat away whatever it was that stung him, but instead of an insect, he pulled back a needle. "What the..."

Tom's eyes widened in apprehension. "What's going on?"

Shizuo tilted his head to the side for a few moments before his eyes drifted to his friend's curious gaze. "I'm not su―" he started, but before he got a chance to finish he felt another sting to the nape. "What the hell?" he growled out loud and turned around, only to see a man with a gun in his hand shoot another needle in his direction. He tried to dodge it but he was too slow, the thing going through his t-shirt and burying into his chest. "What's your goddam problem?" he hissed and pulled the needle out before he let it drop to the ground with a trembling hand. He could tell that something was wrong by how sluggish his movements were, his knees going weak enough to make him wonder if he could even reach the man before collapsing. He tried to take a step forward, but Tom was already rushing towards the attacker. Unfortunately, the other man was much better than either of them had expected, so Tom didn't even manage to land a hit before he was viciously punched in the stomach. Watching his friend double-over in agony spurred Shizuo into action, so he rushed forward with his fist raised, ignoring the weakness in his limbs, ready to punch his attacker into oblivion. The man easily dodged his fist, but instead of fighting back, the other moved away, as if knowing that getting close to him would be extremely dangerous.

"No fight; come," the foreigner said in broken Japanese, but Shizuo was already seeing red and he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from going after him even if he'd wanted. He tried to punch and kick him but the man kept evading his attacks, and the worrisome thing was that it wasn't just because Shizuo's body was far too weak for him to move at his usual speed, but also because the man obviously knew how to fight really well. Normally, that wouldn't have been a problem for Shizuo, but with the drug slowing him down, he was practically defenseless, just like that time when Shinra had injected him with something that made him lose his ability to stand. "What the hell do you want, bastard?" he roared as he pulled back his fist from the wall he'd just hit, not at all surprised when he noticed that his punch hadn't left a small crater behind. He got no answer though, and he saw Tom right as he was about to attack the other man, only to get stopped by another stranger in a suit. Two more appeared soon afterwards, and Shizuo couldn't deny that he was worried about being surrounded by a bunch of people who were obviously trying to get him.

He was used to fighting street gangs, not trained men wearing expensive suits, and he let a growl slip past his lips when the thought that Izaya might have sent them passed through his head. His eyes drifted to Tom who was fighting one of the men, and he couldn't help but worry that his friend might get hurt because of him. "Tell Izaya that he doesn't need to do something like this to capture me. I would've went there willingly," he assured them, but instead of getting a reply, the three men were upon him, landing punches and kicks that Shizuo couldn't dodge. He managed to land a few hits too, but considering how none of his opponents were sent flying through the air, things didn't look too good for him. The more time passed, the weaker he felt, and when one of the men grabbed him and viciously banged his head into the hard surface of the wall, his vision went black. Immediately, Shizuo felt the ground shift beneath him, and he realized that he must've collapsed once his vision came back and he was staring at the sky above. He let his head drop to the side and that's when he saw Tom struggling to get up just as one of the man was raising a fist to punch him yet again.

"S-stop," he croaked, "I won't f-fight anymore," and he felt relief when he saw the man lower his fist and move away from Tom.

"No... you have to f-fight!" Tom encouraged him, but Shizuo couldn't let his friend get hurt because of him.

"I'll be f-fine," he assured him, even though he doubted that he would ever see him again. He figured that Izaya had probably gotten sick of the games and he'd finally decided to end his life. He tried to push himself off the ground but he couldn't even do as much anymore, so when two of the men grabbed him by the arms and hauled him up, he didn't even try to fight. Tom refused to give up though, and Shizuo cringed when he saw his friend's final struggles before he was knocked unconscious by a vicious kick to the head. Anger flowed through his veins and he glared at the men around him, and yet there was nothing he could do to avenge Tom nor stop one of them from injecting more of that substance into his neck, his body going weaker and weaker until he finally lost consciousness.

Izaya was in the process of teasing Namie for the umpteenth time about her little brother Seiji as a way to distract himself from thoughts of his fight with Shinra when he heard one of his phones ring. His eyes widened in curiosity when he saw the name, and he put the phone to his ear before answering it in a cheerful voice. "Ueda-san, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

_"I've called to inform you that your life is no longer in danger. I've made sure of that."_

Izaya's fingers tensed around the phone at the memory of the knife piercing his back, a small part of him seeing the events of that day as being the catalyst to his fight with Shinra. "Are you certain of that?"

_"Yes, I am certain."_

"I'm glad to hear that. Now, if there's nothing else..."

_"Wait, Orihara-san, there's one more thing."_

Izaya nervously swished in his desk chair from side to side, something in the man's tone telling him that he wouldn't like what Ueda had to say next. "What is it?" he finally inquired in a neutral voice once he got his emotions under control.

_"I have a...__gift__for you. Is there any way I can convince you to meet me?"_

Izaya stopped swiveling in his chair and instead nervously tightened his grip around the switchblade in his pants pocket.

_"Orihara-san, I assure you, I have no ill-intentions towards you,"_ Ueda continued. _"If anything, I am extremely grateful for your help, and as such, I would like to express my gratitude with a gift that I am certain you will enjoy."_

"In that case, I accept," Izaya answered, his curiosity getting the best of him. He wrote down the address where they were supposed to meet and got up. "I'll see you later, Namie-san," he chirped and waved good bye as he picked up his jacket and walked out of the apartment.

He had to admit that Ueda unnerved him, but he knew about the man's reputation and he doubted he would kill him even if the address where they were supposed to meet at was a warehouse of some sorts. Still, it was better to be safe than sorry. Fishing out his phone from the right pocket, he called out a member of the Dragon Zombies and told him to gather the others and meet him there. He made sure to warn them to stay hidden and to not interfere unless he called them out. With that taken care of, he called a cab and patiently stared out the car's window at the lively city and the fascinating humans inhabiting it. They went about their lives as though nothing had changed, while everything in Izaya's life was different. His only consolation was that his beloved humans did not know what had happened to their god.

Once the cab stopped in front of the warehouse, he paid the driver and got out of the car, a smirk plastered all over his face at the thought of how good the Dragon Zombies were at hiding. He set the phone to call their numbers at the push of a button before he confidently made his way towards the door where a man was waiting for him. "I'm here to meet your boss. My name is Orihara Izaya." He watched the man nod before he turned around and pushed the heavy door.

There were a number of things he expected to find as he briskly walked in, but a bloody Shizuo sitting on a chair and surrounded by three men with guns pointed at his head was not one of them. He smirked viciously despite himself as their eyes met, and he confidently walked in as though he owned the place.

"Welcome," Ueda told him with a neutral expression on his face.

Izaya didn't answer and instead paced around a miserable-looking Shizuo, thoroughly enjoying the sight of the trapped beast. He felt a surge of power as he watched him, knowing that he could end his life with a simple command; no matter how much of a monster Shizuo was, not even he could survive a bullet to the head. "I'm guessing this is my gift, yes?" he inquired as he turned his head in the businessman's direction, at the same time realizing that Shizuo must've thought it was his doing, a conclusion he had reached when he heard a surprised noise slip past the brute's bloody lips. Ueda smiled at him, but something about that smile unsettled Izaya.

"Indeed it is. Would you like to kill him yourself, or should one of my men do it for you? You don't have to worry about the body. My men will take care of it," he assured him and then ordered one of his men to hand Izaya a gun.

Shizuo, who until then had stayed quiet, let out a growl before trying to get up, only to stop and allow his still weak body to drop back on the chair the moment the armed men moved in closer. "Izaya, I don't know who this bastard is, but you're the only one I'll allow to kill me," he hissed between clenched teeth as his eyes momentarily flickered to the gun being offered to Izaya before his gaze fell on brown-red orbs. He had no doubt that Izaya would refuse the gun, and he almost laughed when the flea he seemed to know so well waved the man away. He was certain that if Izaya were to kill him, he would use his switchblades, and judging by the way he regarded him with an invincible smile on his face, he knew that the insect was seriously considering Ueda's offer.

Izaya didn't know if Shizuo could tell, but he'd greatly enjoyed to hear him outright state that he would be the only one permitted to end his existence. Even after everything that happened between them, he still found it amusing that Ikebukuro's beast would gladly jump chest first into a knife if Izaya would be the one holding it, and he almost found it hard to believe there was a time when he couldn't even stand the thought of Shizuo regretting his actions. The memory of waking up at Shinra's apartment was still painful, and he remember the dread he'd felt at the thought of his worst enemy pitying him. His opinion on the matter was no longer the same though, and as he watched the bleeding man that he so hated, he couldn't think of a worse outcome than Shizuo feeling no remorse and instead bragging about how he had succeeded in breaking him to pieces. He fought to not shudder at his own thoughts as he stared into the honey-brown eyes that showed great remorse, and when he realized that he was losing himself in them, he tore his gaze away from the wounded beast, his eyes falling on Ueda. "Shizu-chan is not a big threat. There is no need for me to eliminate him." He then turned his head and looked at Shizuo again. "At least not yet anyway," he admitted softly.

"My apologies, Orihara-san. I thought you would appreciate my gift, considering what this man has done to you."

Izaya felt the blood freeze in his veins. He slowly turned towards Ueda, unease raising the hairs on the back of his neck at the same time that he felt his knees turn to jelly. It took everything in his power just to keep standing, the man's pitying look making him want to flick open both his switchblades and bury them deep into the Ueda's eyes so that he could never look at him the same way again. Fighting against the nausea, he forced a smile on his face, but his tone still sounded a little strained when he spoke. "I am not sure what you're referring to."

Ueda's gaze fell on Shizuo who looked like a deer trapped in the headlights. "This man forced himself on you," he stated as he glared at him with animosity.

The stifling silence stretched for a long time until Izaya's laughter finally resonated throughout the warehouse, and he made a show by grabbing his side and pretending that it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his entire life, even though on the inside he was shedding tears of blood. "That's insane!" he exclaimed once he was done laughing, and as he stared at Ueda, he put on that mask which was the Izaya before Shizuo had dragged him into that alley and turned his world upside down. "Ueda-san, I believe there's a misunderstanding here. No such thing happened," he assured him with a smile on his face and a casual flick of his hand.

Ueda's eyes narrowed for a moment before he sighed out loud and lit up a cigarette. "As you might have figured out by now, those men sent to kill you were hired by my brothers. I wanted to make sure they would leave you alone, so I had my men bring them to me so that I could have a talk with them. That's when I found out about what Heiwajima-san here did to you."

"They lied!" Izaya rushed to answer, immediately regretting his outburst when he realized that denying it so vehemently was like admitting to it being true. He took a deep breath and smiled brightly, a contrast to the darkness he felt consuming him from within. "They must've been really angry to invent such a ridiculous story. Nothing like that happened. In fact, Shizu-chan was the one who saved my life back then."

Ueda shook his head. "They overheard the two of you speaking, and they had no reason to lie."

Izaya's face was as white as a sheet even though he was smiling, his facade crumbling under the knowledge that so many people knew what happened to him. It was obvious that denying it would be pointless, but as his eyes met Shizuo's, an insane thought passed through his head. Slowly, he turned towards the businessman, his smile not as fake as it had been mere moments before. "Ah, I see," he said, folding his arms across his chest. "I believe I now know what happened." He then turned towards the injured beast with a conspiratorial smile. "They misunderstood us, right, Shizu-chan?" He was worried that the protozoan would be stupid enough to say something he shouldn't, but luckily, he seemed to have gotten the message because he was keeping his mouth shut. Izaya's attention switched to Ueda again, and he hoped against all hope that the man would believe his lies. "I was merely telling Shizu-chan here how he'd been too rough on me that day." Raising a hand, he half-covered his mouth in mock-display of trying to keep Shizuo from overhearing his words. "He's such a beast in bed," he expertly lied, trying not to worry too much even after he heard Shizuo's sharp intake of breath. "Shizu-chan and I have been sleeping together for a while now. You can say that we needed a less... destructive way to spend our energy on." The businessman's eyes shifted from one to the other, the confusion in his eyes telling Izaya that Ueda was thinking he might've made a mistake but that at the same time he was still skeptical about the whole thing. Izaya inwardly cursed and walked over to Shizuo, narrowing the distance between them and hoping that the brute would just play along because having Ueda believe they were sleeping together was far better than the alternative. The thought of others knowing what happened to him was so terrifying that he didn't hesitate as he sat on Shizuo's lap and hooked his arms around the beast's neck regardless of the abhorrence he felt for him. "Shizu-chan looks best when he's covered in blood," he teased, and as he willed himself to move closer, he could tell that the beast was barely restraining himself from roughly pushing him away.

Shizuo could obviously take an educated guess as to where things were going, and as much he didn't want to do it, he had to admit that Izaya's vicious glare was far more terrifying than any guns pointed at his head. He fought with everything he had to not flinch when their lips touched, knowing that no matter how bad it was for him, it had to be a thousand times worse for Izaya. He was starting to wonder if this was a dream too, but then the kiss turned wild and Izaya moaned into it as though he was enjoying it all. He'd never heard that sound coming from Izaya mouth before, and that's when he realized that he too had to put on a good show if only for the flea's sake. He wrapped a possessive arm around Izaya's waist and grabbed a fistful of raven locks, their kiss turning hungrier by the second. Back then he hadn't kissed Izaya, but now that he was doing it, he couldn't deny that he was somewhat enjoying it regardless of everything that happened between them. _Monster!_ a voice echoed in his mind, visions of what he had done to the man suffocating him. _Monster! Monster! MONSTER!_ Soon enough he found himself desperately wanting to pull away, but he couldn't do it because he owed Izaya at least as much after almost killing him in the back of some dirty alley. The fingers in the raven hair tightened, and he tilted Izaya's head to the side so that he could kiss the pale neck instead of the man's lips. To the eyes of the men around them, it'd still look like they were making out, but at least it'd be less torturous for the trembling creature in his lap. Izaya wasn't showing it, but the soft tremors he felt told Shizuo more than he ever wanted to know, and that only served to further heighten his misery. His lips latched onto the pale neck and he heard Izaya moan again, the rushing sound of his quickening pulse mingling with it and forming an awful tune in his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered low enough so that only Izaya could hear him before he kissed his jaw and squeezed his ass. If that wasn't good enough for the rich bastard to believe him, then he didn't know what was.

"Mah, mah, Shizu-chan, have some patience until we get to your apartment," Izaya chirped and playfully smacked away Shizuo's hand before he got up, fighting with everything he had to not collapse right then and there. It took all the energy he had just to keep himself from shaking like a scared animal, and he almost couldn't believe that his voice still sounded so clear when he could almost hear his teeth chattering. Judging by Ueda's expression, the man had most likely bought the act, but he still licked Shizuo's blood off his lips and smirked at the man with a triumphant look on his face. "I would prefer you didn't kill my lover."

"I'm... I'm sorry." Ueda then turned towards Shizuo and lowered his head. "I apologize, Heiwajima-san."

"Don't worry about it," Shizuo mumbled as he got up, still feeling slightly dizzy from the drug they had injected into his bloodstream. He was about to take a step forward but Izaya wrapped his fingers around his wrist and stopped him. He knew there had to be a reason for it, so he chose to remain quiet as he stood there and waited for Izaya to finish his talk with the man.

"I must confess that I am quite upset by what you did here today, Ueda-san, but I am willing to let it go if your men lower their guns and you all forget this meeting ever happened," Izaya offered with the last of his strength.

Ueda nodded and gestured to his men to put away their weapons. "I've made a grave mistake today," he reluctantly admitted.

"Let's just say you owe me one," Izaya suggested, and he couldn't have been more grateful when the other man nodded.

Ueda turned around, his men following suit behind him. "Until next time, Orihara-san."

Izaya immediately pulled out his phone with trembling fingers and sent a message to the Dragon Zombies in which he told them to leave because he no longer needed them.

"We should go too," Shizuo grumbled, but Izaya tightened the grip around his wrist. Shizuo was almost too afraid to look at the pale face, so instead he focused his attention on the men walking out of the warehouse, knowing that the moment the door closed, all hell would break loose.


	38. Of Dream And Drama

**Chapter 38: Of Dream And Drama**

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Shizuo felt the air shift beside him before his wrist was even released, and he instinctively jumped away, expecting the man to thrust a switchblade into his flesh. He swiftly spun around, eyes widening in disbelief when he was met with the sight of a rather miserable-looking Izaya sitting in a squatting position and gripping the raven locks of his bowed head with quivering hands. A soft sound of surprise slipped past his lips, the eerily familiar sight making his stomach knot. For a fraction of a second, he thought this too was a dream, but he immediately dismissed the idea when he remembered with absolute certainty there had been no scar beneath Izaya's lower lip. The other Izaya's words echoed in his mind, _"Don't worry. I'm sure you've scarred his mind enough,"_ and he staggered backwards; whatever was happening before his very eyes wasn't supposed to happen, and he _refused_ to acknowledge it. The flea he knew would not under any circumstance break down in front of his most hated enemy. Izaya was supposed to mock and taunt him even while in pain, and yet reality seemed to have slapped Shizuo in the face with a completely opposite picture of what he'd expected from the man. Judging by the sounds coming from the smaller form, Izaya was having a hard time breathing, and much like in the dream he had the night before, Shizuo took a step towards him and raised a hand, the instinct to comfort the quivering creature vying for dominance and eventually overriding the common sense that told him the aggressor was not supposed to console the victim, even if this time around he hadn't exactly assaulted him.

As expected, Izaya recoiled from the touch as though he'd been burned, losing his balance and pathetically falling on his backside, a violent shudder racing through his body and leaving him trembling a lot harder than before. He didn't dare raise his head, but he could feel Shizuo's intense gaze on him and he was certain that Ikebukuro's beast was enjoying the show. How could he not? Shizuo still hated him, and no matter how much the monster kept apologizing, Izaya knew that at least a small part of him had to be rejoicing at sight of him looking so miserable and defeated. Shame―like he hadn't felt since _that_ day―overwhelmed him, and he felt disgusted with himself for allowing the man who had done this to him to witness his disgraceful fall. As though the memories of Shizuo thrusting into his beaten, bloody body weren't bad enough, now he also had to deal with the ones where he was making out with the beast who had humiliated him in the worst possible way. He had no choice but to moan for a man who made him feel nothing but pain, for a beast with inhuman strength who had relished his agony and laughed at it; all of it just to keep their ignominious secret. The kiss had been a nightmare in itself, but what really triggered whatever it was that was happening to him was Shizuo's hand on his backside, those cruel fingers digging into his flesh making him feel powerless all over again. Judging by the beast's behavior in general, he was pretty sure that he wouldn't attack him like that again, and yet, as he stared at his trembling knees, he still couldn't make them stop, because his body was not quite catching up to his mind. He weakly raised a hand and tried to get up, but he couldn't get his legs to move. He wanted Shizuo to disappear from there, or for the monster to at least forget ever witnessing such a humiliating display, but no matter how much he wanted it, he couldn't magically erase it from Shizuo's mind. The only thing left was killing him, but Izaya had no intention of doing that just yet.

"I'm so sorry..." he heard Shizuo apologize, and no matter how much Izaya wanted to throw him a defiant and mocking glare, he couldn't even raise his head to look at him, not when all he could remember were cold hands, vicious thrusts, and the disgusting breath smelling of tobacco, as well as those cruel words spoken in his ear by the wild, merciless beast doing its best to make him bleed. Instead, he opened his mouth to say something, to tell Shizuo to go fuck himself, or to shove his apologies where the sun didn't shine, but his lips and throat were too dry and he couldn't find his voice. If anything, it felt as though his strength had been sucked right out of his body through that disgusting kiss, and no matter how much he fought to stop the shivers wracking his frame, his body was not listening to him and his teeth wouldn't stop chattering. Even his breathing was too loud, and it formed a horrible tune in his ears as it mingled with the sounds of his wildly beating heart and chattering teeth. The tears prickling at the corners of his eyes stung, but he refused to let them fall, especially when the man who was responsible for his utter destruction was standing right in front of him. His tongue felt like sandpaper and it hurt to swallow, but he kept struggling to speak until he finally found his voice. "You m-must be enjoy...enjoying this," he uttered brokenly, hating how meek his voice sounded. The beast's low growl made him flinch, his own pathetic reaction bringing with it a new wave of shame to his already bruised ego.

"I'm not enjoying _this,"_ Shizuo replied through clenched teeth, the whole situation reminding him too much of the encounter with the other Izaya. It was like the dream had been a prophecy of some sort, and that unnerved him more than he ever thought possible. He wasn't a hypocrite to say that he cared about Izaya's well-being, but when the man he hurt so deeply was yet again a shaking mess because of him, he couldn't help but drown in guilt. The nefarious chuckle he heard next made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and he took a step backwards on instinct, hoping that Izaya would not lash out at him because of what he'd been forced to do.

"But isn't _this_ what you wanted?" Izaya inquired in a spiteful voice.

Even though Izaya couldn't see him, Shizuo still shook his head in denial. "I stopped wanting it ever since our eyes met right after I... after..." but he couldn't finish, the memory of those wounded blood-like eyes staring at him in terror almost making him want to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness, regardless of the fact that Izaya was his enemy and the man who had tried to get him killed before; it didn't even matter that the Informant was a horrible human being, or that Izaya deserved some sort of punishment for his sins. None of that mattered when he could hardly live with himself knowing that he could do that to anyone. Izaya wasn't saying anything, the man staying eerily silent instead of insulting him. "Hey, are you... ok...?" Shizuo reluctantly asked, but he was not deigned with an answer, and because of that, he didn't know what to do. Taking _this_ Izaya into his arms was like asking to get stabbed, and he quickly dismissed the suicidal thought when he realized how insane it sounded. He nervously ran a hand through his hair and approached him, breathing in relief when the man didn't crawl away from him. He slowly extended his hand and offered it to him, all the while wondering why everything felt so damn awkward. He surmised that it had to be because of their earlier kiss, and without thinking, he raised his other hand and ran a finger across his lips. If things had been different between them, if they had been together, it would've most likely ended just as badly; that's what kind of monster Heiwajima Shizuo was. He pulled back his left hand and focused on Izaya again, waiting for the man to react.

Ever so slowly, Izaya raised his head, following the contour of the arm offered to him until their eyes finally locked. No matter how much he wanted to say that he understood Ikebukuro's beast, he couldn't. Shizuo was supposed to laugh at his misery, and yet the stupid beast was looking at him as though he was the one in pain. Izaya's eyes narrowed into slits before moving back to the hand being offered to him; such a laughable gesture coming from the man who had left him to die after doing despicable things to him. At least most of the trembling had ceased, but Izaya's hands still shook with soft tremors, and he slowly tucked them beneath his arms to hide them from his enemy's view. He expected the dumb protozoan to give up, but the idiot was still standing there waiting for him to take his hand. He tried to hold it in, but the laughter still spilled past his lips, empty and broken just like how he felt on the inside. "Why is the beast who trampled on a god trying to help him up?" Izaya asked in a flat tone and smacked the monster's hand away.

"... because I'm sorry," Shizuo answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Now that Izaya had refused his help, he straightened his back and took a step backwards, wanting to give the man some space.

_Another apology,_ Izaya thought bitterly as he placed his palm flat against the ground and pushed himself upwards. The simple act of standing was tiring him out, but he had to move if he wanted to go home. Ignoring the beast watching his every move, he canted his head to the side and worked on dusting off his pants and jacket, until he heard a click followed by the smell of a burning cigarette. He snapped his head in Shizuo's direction so fast that he almost got dizzy, wide eyes transfixed on the stick between the monster's lips. He swallowed thickly and slowly backed away, Shizuo too busy fixing his own clothes to notice how pale the Informant went the moment the smell hit his nostrils. Izaya barely stopped a pathetic whimper from climbing up his throat, and he closed his eyes to at least not see it, but all he could hear were the monster's grunts from back then, his brain unwillingly making the association between the tobacco smell and the beast's sounds of pleasure.

It wasn't until Shizuo's eyes drifted back to Izaya that he noticed something was wrong.

"S-Shizu-chan..." Izaya spoke in a low, pained voice, his eyes still scrunched up in agony. "Put it o-out," he almost begged, the fingers of his right hand painfully digging into his other arm.

"Huh?" Shizuo asked and dumbly stared at the other's pained expression until he realized that Izaya was talking about the cigarette. He immediately hurled it to the ground and stepped on it, all the while cursing under his breath for being so stupid. "I didn't know... I'm sorry, I got confused. The other you didn't mind."

Izaya's eyes fluttered open, revealing confused and at the same time curious brown-red orbs. "What other me?" he asked, but this time his voice was less shaky.

Shizuo sighed loudly and lowered his head, eyes fixed on the cigarette he'd just viciously crushed under the sole of his shoe. "Just a dream I had," he muttered, and then continued when Izaya seemed genuinely interested in finding out more. "It felt so real, you know? You weren't at my apartment last night, were you?"

Izaya slowly shook his head and lowered his hand, his brain no longer bombarded by painful flashbacks. He tilted his head to the side, hoping to hear more about what Ikebukuro's beast had dreamed about.

"It was you... but it wasn't you. At first, I thought it was you, but he didn't have a scar on his thigh, so it couldn't have been you, 'cause you have one, right?"

Izaya blinked a few times before he nodded and slowly approached Shizuo, only stopping a couple of feet from him.

"He thought I was the Shizuo he knew, but he eventually figured out that I wasn't. He... the other you and the other me..." Shizuo said and then continued in a voice so low that Izaya had to strain his ears in order to hear him, "they were together, you see. I mean like really together, even though they seemed to have broken each other too."

Izaya took a step backwards, appalled by the words he'd just heard coming out of the beast's mouth. If Shizuo had dreams about the two of them being together then... "Do you..." and he had to swallow the lump in his throat so that he could continue, "want to... fuck me again?"

Shame and guilt washed over Shizuo, and his expression morphed into one that was just as appalled as Izaya's. "No..." he answered weakly. "NO!"

Izaya fished out both switchblades and flicked them open in one fluid movement before he assumed a fighting stance. If the beast was dreaming about the two of them being together, then he could no longer trust him not to assault him again. Not that he ever trusted him, but he wanted to believe that Shizuo could keep it in his pants.

"You don't have to― goddammit, Izaya, stop looking at me like I'm about to rip your clothes off and fuck you right here on this warehouse's floor," Shizuo snapped, his anger burning so bright that he marched to the small chair he'd been sitting on earlier and kicked it straight into the opposite wall. He then turned around, looking almost livid. "You know what? Screw you, bastard!" he snarled and headed for the heavy door, not even sparing Izaya a glance as he opened it and slammed it with a lot more force than was necessary.

Once he found himself outside, Shizuo hated to admit that he had no idea where he was, but he kept on walking, wanting to put as much distance between himself and the bastard who should've just shot him instead of kissing him. If he'd done that, then Shizuo wouldn't have had to witness Izaya breakdown for a second time in less than twenty-four hours; it was more than even Ikebukuro's beast could handle. He never would've kissed him if he had a choice, but he didn't, and because he'd played along, Izaya ended up looking at him as though he'd just raped him all over again, even though Shizuo himself had been as unwilling during the whole thing.

Shizuo was sorry. He was fucking sorry. He was so sorry about the pain he had caused Izaya that he wanted to curl in a corner and die there like the disgusting animal that he was. As those thoughts consumed him, he felt tears prickle his eyes and he growled, rapidly blinking a few times to chase them away. He'd come close to breaking down a few times too, but each time that happened, he grit his teeth and kept going, waiting for the day when Izaya would get tired of the games and finally plunge one of those switchblades into his heart.

It wasn't that he wanted to die so that he wouldn't feel anymore―well, maybe a little―but the main reason why he craved nothingness' sweet embrace was because he genuinely thought he deserved to die for what he'd done, regardless of the reasons he might've had to punish Izaya. He didn't understand it at first, but after seeing Kasuka's beaten body and believing that his little brother had went through the same horrible experience as Izaya, he finally understood that any person who did such a despicable thing to another had to be wiped out of existence. As though he wasn't being tormented enough, he ended up meeting another Izaya through a dream which felt so real that made Shizuo doubt his sanity; a dream that only succeeded in inflating the guilt he already felt towards the bane of his existence. The sad thing was that he still _hated_ Izaya, which made everything that much worse. The guilt made him feel sorry for the pest, but his hatred still burned bright whenever he even so much as looked at him. Shizuo truly _loathed_ himself for doing something that made him feel sorry for the man he hated the most in the entire world.

Every day, he felt torn in half by the hate and the pity he felt for the man. It confused him so much that most of the times he didn't even know how to act around him. He wanted to go back, back to when they were nothing more than enemies hating each other's guts, back to when the flea was still looking at him with disdain instead of fear. "FUCK!" he bellowed at the sky from the top of his lungs. "FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!" he kept shouting a few more times before lowering himself into a squatting position―much like Izaya had done―and pulling at his hair in both rage and despair. "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," he kept repeating through clenched teeth for a while until he could finally breathe again. Only once he was done he released the few blond strands of hair he had grabbed earlier and opened his eyes. "You can't fucking break down," he told himself before he straightened his back and forced his legs to move.

He had no idea for how long he'd been walking, but it was starting to get dark by the time he reached Ikebukuro's busy streets. His clothes were a mess and he was bleeding, but he didn't give a shit as he walked into a shop and ordered a chocolate cake for the taking. The vendor seemed slightly scared of him, so she quickly packed it and handed it to him. Shizuo hoped she didn't mind a few smudges of blood on the bills he'd just handed. He also stopped to buy two cartons of milk, one for when he got home and one for the next morning. His throat was so dry and raw after so much shouting that he couldn't help but cringe each time he had to speak because of how terrible his voice sounded, but he didn't want to drink the milk in the middle of the street, as tempting as that was. He nearly stopped at the pastry shop too, but instead of going in, he balled his hands into fists and kept walking, knowing that he shouldn't overdo it just because he felt like shit.

As soon as he got home, he put the cake and the cartons of milk in the fridge and rushed straight to the shower, glad to finally get rid of the blood caked on his temple and in his hair from where his head had been savagely banged into a wall. He undressed himself as fast as he could and dropped the dirty clothes into the sink, intending to wash them later when he was up to the task. He let out a soft sigh as the hot water pattered his back, and he made up his mind to leave the mulling for when he'd be digging into the chocolate cake while watching TV. He stayed under the shower for a long time, until the water started to turn cold and he had no choice but to get out.

As he stepped out of the shower, he caught his reflection in the mirror and he cringed, realizing that his roots were starting to show. He made a metal note to buy some dye, because he was too used to blonde hair to switch back to his natural black color. He grabbed the towel, dried himself, and then walked out of the small bathroom and headed straight for the sweatpants he'd tossed on the bed when he woke up, the same ones he remembered wearing in his messed up dream. "I should've kept my mouth shut," he mumbled to himself before he put them on and went to retrieve the cake he'd bought.

The thing was a bit too big, but it didn't really matter. He shrugged and set it on a plate before he grabbed a spoon and went into the living room where he sat down on the couch with a pleasurable sigh. He then grabbed the remote control and changed the channels a few times until he finally found a decent enough movie that he thought he would be able to watch without getting annoyed. He reclined on the couch, put his feet on the coffee table and dug into the cake, eyes almost rolling into his head at how sweet it tasted. Now that he thought about it, he didn't really want to mull over the day's events just yet, and he firmly told himself―as he shoved another spoonful of cake into his mouth―that even someone like him should be allowed to have a small respite once in a while.

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Guest (who left a comment on Chapter 37): Thank you! I'm glad to hear that you loved it. I'll continue to update as often as I can.


	39. Solemn Reflections

**Chapter 39: Solemn Reflections**

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Izaya waited for a while longer to make sure Shizuo was gone before he numbly walked out of the warehouse and headed for a more populated area. He still couldn't believe that he had broken down in front of Shizuo, the only person in the world to whom he never wanted to show such weakness; all because of a kiss and some groping. A shiver ran down his spine. _"A kiss too much,"_ he thought, frightened, and then pocketed the switchblades he forgot were even in his hands. Not even Shinra had seen such a shameful display, and Shinra had seen a lot. Izaya had worked hard to show Shizuo that he was strong, and yet it all came crashing down in an instant because of something as stupid as pretending they were together. Just the thought of them being together almost made him wretch, and he wondered how did the beast have the audacity to even dream such a thing. Was that Shizuo's coping mechanism? To pretend that Izaya had wanted it? A hand flew to his mouth and he had to stop walking, a wave of nausea hitting him so hard that his legs started to tremble and he was having a hard time standing. He ended up in a squatting position again, holding onto his knees while struggling to breathe. He stayed like that for a few minutes, trying to gather his wits.

By the time he was able to stand again, he felt more tired than he'd felt in a long time, and he wanted nothing more than to get home and lie in his bed. He immediately headed for the nearest train station, completely ignoring a Kuronuma Aoba who once again tried to talk to him when they ran into each other. He was too broken to even try to pretend that he wasn't. Besides, Ran's little brother wasn't someone he had to worry about. Whether or not the kid could tell that he was close to breaking into sobbing, it did not matter. He found it strange that Aoba's hand was bandaged, but he didn't really dwell on it. If Aoba ever got in his way, he'd crush him. It was as simple as that. At least the other was walking out of the train station instead of heading in, so Izaya didn't have to worry about having to ride the train with him.

He soon stopped paying attention to his surroundings, his mind too exhausted to care about what was going on. He went through the motions mechanically: stepping into the train, sitting down, then getting out and walking all the way to his apartment before finally flopping on his bed without even changing his clothes. He just lay there motionless, with eyes wide and unseeing until he finally fell asleep.

He couldn't remember what he'd dreamed about when he woke up a few hours later, but he was sure that it hadn't been pleasant enough to justify the hard-on jutting from between his legs. He hated it. He hated it so much that he couldn't help but pathetically whimper at the knowledge that he'd have to take care of it when the damn thing still didn't go down a few minutes later. It was as though the universe was trying its best to make his life more miserable than it already was. He didn't want to think about anything related to sex, and yet his body was still betraying him once in a while, forcing him to literally take matters into his own hands. He'd tried cold showers before, but they didn't always work, and he doubted he even had to energy to get up, let alone wash. He slowly crawled to the edge of the bed and let his feet touch the floor before he unbuckled his belt, lowered the zipper and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to fight off the nausea. He kept telling himself that he was safe, that the memory of Shizuo's fingers in his hair while violating him was just that, a memory, and yet the tears still streamed down his face. He came with a strangled cry a few minutes later, immediately breaking into sobbing and curling into a ball on his too large bed. What used to be a pleasant activity ended up being a nightmare because of Shizuo. Izaya loathed the pleasure that came with it, because he couldn't help but think that it was exactly what Shizuo must've felt while breaking him. The beast had felt nothing but pleasure, while Izaya himself had been writhing in agony beneath and around him. He despised Ikebukuro's beast for doing this to him, for not only crushing his body with his strength, but also his mind.

He just lay there for a long time, curled into a small ball while sobbing, his head pounding much worse than before, like he hadn't slept at all. A detached part of his mind was sneering at him in disgust, _ordering_ him to get up, to shower and to get a grip because he couldn't stand the pathetic sight any longer. Orihara Izaya was supposed to be much more than a human, and as such, he wasn't allowed to behave like one. Besides, sobbing never solved anything. He was alone, crying in the dark, while Shizuo was probably sleeping peacefully in his bed. He felt his anger simmer, and then boil after a while, and the more he thought about the beast, the more furious he got, the hot rage seeping through his veins forcing him to push himself off the bed and head straight to the shower, the rage he felt giving him the strength he needed. He would never allow Ikebukuro's beast to win. He'd been too soft on him lately, and it was about time to show him just how cruel Orihara Izaya could be. After his failed attempt at revenge, he'd been slacking, feeling too affected by the way his plan had backfired to be able to think clearly. His fights with Shinra and the random encounters with the best had also thrown him off, leaving him unable to think clearly. That had to stop. He would no longer allow himself to be distracted by such trivial matters. He would slowly and systematically destroy Heiwajima Shizuo, until the beast would beg to be put out of its misery; until Ikebukuro's monster would drop to his knees and thank him for finally thrusting a switchblade into his heart. And he would start by hitting him where it hurt the most: his little brother Kasuka.

Izaya could've utterly destroyed Shizuo back when he'd taken the monster's brother to that house, but he never would've guessed that he'd be affected by what was supposed to happen. He now understood that his mistake had been to go there instead of letting Slon do his job somewhere away from him. He'd miscalculated, and as such, his perfect revenge plan had gone down the drain. Izaya knew that Shizuo couldn't stop him from finishing what he'd started back then if he really wanted to get it done, but he sneered at the idea of being so predictable, not to mention that he did not like the idea of Kasuka getting raped on his command, no matter how much he hated the Heiwajima brothers. He was certain that he could never do that to anyone. Luckily, he had something else in mind, and he assumed that it would probably be one of the few games he'd play with Ikebukuro's beast before finally dispatching him beyond the veil.

First however, he had a few things he wanted the monster to understand, and the fact that Shizuo would end up an outlet for his anger that very night was a nice bonus. He got out of the shower, got dressed and went out the door, his thoughts filled with ideas of how he would take it out on Ikebukuro's beast. The anger he felt consumed him with its intensity, and it was the only thing that helped him move when his weary body wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and consequently to sleep. He ignored the underlying fear and focused on his rage, for once thinking that it not might be so bad to just explode once in a while. He always hid his feelings behind a mask when he dealt with people, but after showing Shizuo what lay beyond it, he no longer cared to conceal his fury.

He almost ran into the van gang on his way to Shizuo's apartment, but he succeeded in avoiding them at the last minute. He actually breathed in relief once he went around the corner, running into Karisawa being the last thing he needed at that moment. With his anger boiling, he really couldn't guarantee the fujoshi's safety if she were to come anywhere near him. Her stupid words had caused that panic attack and almost got him killed, and he made a mental note to find a way to make her pay for saying that he and Shizuo were sleeping together. He sneered loudly, his nostrils flaring. He would never in a million years be the monster's bitch by his own volition.

Inside the pockets of his jacket, his hands shook, but he told himself that it was because of his anger, and not because he was afraid of confronting the monster of his nightmares. Shizuo would most likely be asleep, and that suited him just fine. The man would let his guard down when he saw him, and that would make it easier for Izaya to overpower him. He threw a disgusted look at the elevator and went up the stairs instead, taking out the switchblade in his left hand as he did so. Once in front of the apartment, he flicked it open and took a few deep breaths while trying to find the courage to knock on the door. He highly doubted that Shizuo would dare kill him in his own home, or kill him at all, but he still had to be careful. Shizuo had proven capable of committing atrocities, and Izaya had no intention of letting Ikebukuro's beast screw him again.

He raised a hand and rang the doorbell, expecting the man to take a while to answer, but not even a few seconds later, Shizuo was opening the door, the surprised expression on his face telling Izaya that he was probably the last person he ever expected to see at that late hour. He didn't waste any time, and before Shizuo could even open his mouth, he punched him square in the face, Shizuo staggering backwards from the force of the blow. He was certain that it hurt him more than it hurt Shizuo, but he didn't really care. Ignoring the pain, he wrapped a hand around Shizuo's throat, slammed him into the wall and pressed the switchblade against the tanned neck. Izaya felt adrenaline rush through his body, and it thrilled him to know that all it took to end Shizuo once and for all would be to slit the man's throat. "This is for today," he hissed, his voice laced with disgust.

"No, you can't blame me for this one!" Shizuo snarled and tried to push himself away from the wall, only to get slammed back into it again. _"You_ are the one who kissed me, not the other way around."

Izaya chuckled darkly, as though he was expecting Ikebukuro's beast to say that. "I was talking about you getting caught, not about the kiss. How could a monster like you get kidnapped to begin with?"

Sighing softly, Shizuo closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them and gazing deeply into rust-like orbs. "They used drugs on me. They injected me with something, so I couldn't fight them off."

"Mhmm, makes sense," Izaya mused as he nodded.

"You shouldn't have kissed me," Shizuo added in a tired voice.

"Of course I had to," Izaya immediately answered, a look of disgust crossing his face at the memory. "You still don't get it, do you, Shizu-chan?"

Of course he didn't get it, because Shizuo had never understood Izaya, so he wasn't about to suddenly wake up one morning and know what the hell was going through the insect's messed up head. Izaya's expression turned dark, and Shizuo shivered at the sight.

"I would've blown you if that was what it took to keep our secret," Izaya declared, and he ended up chuckling when Shizuo gasped and his expression morphed into one of pure horror and incredulity. Perhaps the beast was not as interested in screwing him again as Izaya had previously thought. "Shizu-chan," he spoke sweetly―and he assumed that he must've had a blood-thirsty expression on his face, because he could almost see the fear in the monster's eyes "you can't just walk out on me like that when we were having a most fascinating conversation. What was that about you and I being together?"

"You're insane," Shizuo uttered in disbelief once he found his voice again. He concluded that Izaya was truly mad to even consider going to such lengths if it meant he'd keep his pride. "I wouldn't have let you," he added softly in a low, sad voice.

"Oh, I see. Does Shizu-chan not like it when people do things to his body against his will? Sounds a bit hypocritical, don't you think?" Izaya snorted and placed his thumb against Shizuo's jaw, forcing the beast to look at him. "Doesn't it?" It was beautiful to see the usually angry expression replaced by one of agony, and he understood right then that he would never be able to experience such feelings. Guilt wasn't something he usually felt, and when he did feel regret, it was just something small and insignificant in the back of his mind. Shizuo on the other hand was being torn to pieces by it, and Izaya had to admit that he was absolutely enjoying it. Had he killed him sooner, he wouldn't have been able to witness such a tormented expression. "Tell me... or did you perhaps enjoy our kiss, hmm?" When Shizuo turned his head away again, Izaya knew that the monster had, and even though it enraged him, he still put on an amused smirk. "Once a beast, always a beast. Do you want to fuck me too, hmm? Do you want to drag me to your bedroom and fuck me just like you did last time?" He could almost feel the tremors threatening to reappear, but he fought to stay calm, refusing to show any sort of weakness to his enemy.

"I couldn't enjoy it... bad memories were haunting me," Shizuo confessed and closed his eyes to avoid seeing Izaya's angry face.

Izaya sneered and pulled the beast towards him before slamming him into the wall again, certain that Shizuo would not dare to fight back as long as that switchblade was pressed against his throat. "And yet you dream of us being together... of you fucking me. You dream about that, don't you, beast?"

Shizuo shook his head as much as he could with Izaya chocking him and the weapon digging into his neck. He knew that it had been a stupid idea to even mention the dream, but he always spoke without thinking, and now he couldn't just pretend that it never happened. "I never said the two of us were together," he corrected Izaya while trying to not cringe under the man's hateful glare. "I was talking about another you and another me. If I would really want to... fuck you, I'd at least dream about you, no? Not about some homicidal Izaya who was just as surprised about the whole thing as I was." To his bewilderment, instead of snapping, Izaya seemed to be giving the whole thing some thought.

"Homicidal?" Izaya finally asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you expected anything else from another you," Shizuo mumbled.

Izaya chortled as he removed the switchblade from Shizuo's throat and backed away, his anger having gone down to a constant simmer instead of boiling hot as it had been mere minutes before. He waited for a few moments to see if the beast would attack, and when Shizuo didn't, Izaya advanced further into the living room so that he could inspect the man's small apartment. "Tell me more," he requested while briefly glowering with disgust at what appeared to be the remainder of a chocolate cake on a cheap plate forgotten on the coffee table placed in front of the couch. There was also an open carton of milk, as well as a pack of cigarettes, and Izaya shook his head with distaste and pocketed the switchblade. He stepped into the kitchen and flicked on the light, curious to see how Ikebukuro's beast lived. The apartment was small, and it felt almost suffocating for someone like him who was used to a lot of space, but he guessed that it suited a monster just fine. His eyes fell on the two apples placed in a bowl on the counter and he grabbed one and washed it before going back to the living-room and turning towards the small hallway leading to the bedroom. No matter how much he wanted to convince Shizuo that he didn't fear him, he didn't dare go inside; the beast's bedroom was on a whole new level of terrifying. "Well?" he asked and looked over his shoulder to encourage a wide-eyed Shizuo to continue. A small shiver ran down Izaya's spine when he turned his attention back to the hallway leading to the bedroom, and he didn't understand why he was so terrified of a room he'd never set foot into before. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned around, walked to the couch and flopped on it, raising his feet and placing them on the coffee table. Shizuo let out a small sound of disbelief, and Izaya gave him a smirk before he bit into the apple and noisily chewed on it.

Knowing that it would be a bad idea to tell him everything, Shizuo sighed loudly and decided to leave out some of the things he found out about the other Izaya from his dream. It wouldn't do any good to upset the one sitting on _his_ couch and eating _his_ apple. "Can I sit down?" he asked softly and scrubbed a hand over his face before running it through his hair.

Izaya shrugged. "It's your couch," he answered flatly, but Shizuo didn't miss the way in which the man tensed when he heard the question. He awkwardly sat down at the other end of it, and he couldn't help but feel as though he was the one imposing on Izaya somehow, which was ridiculous when he really thought about it. It truly was strange how Izaya could make him feel like that inside his own home. "The dream felt just as real as me and you sitting here. You took me by surprise back there by the way."

Izaya slanted a curious gaze towards him. "Why?"

"Your murderous glare... he was smiling when I opened the door."

Izaya chuckled darkly and bit another chunk off the apple. "Interesting... go on," he bubbled while chewing and changing the channels on the television.

"There isn't much to say. He thought I was someone else, and when he figured out that I wasn't, all hell broke loose. That's what happened," he mumbled and then shrugged. He heard a snicker and he turned to Izaya, that ever present annoying smirk back in place.

"You're such a bad liar," Izaya announced with a roll of his eyes." You forgot the part where you undoubtedly pulled down his pants by force." As expected, Shizuo had done just that, and Izaya could read the guilt in his expression and sagged shoulders.

"Had to check that he wasn't you," Shizuo mumbled guiltily.

"Perfectly understandable, Shizu-chan. That was a messed up dream you had there. Another me and another you together, huh? Well, if the hypothesis about the multiverse is right, then whatever happened to you actually took place somewhere," Izaya mused, his eyes fixed on what was left of the apple in his hand. "Oh right, Shizu-chan is too stupid to know what I'm talking about," he crackled before continuing. "There are several hypothesis about the reality we live in." His eyes drifted to Shizuo and he smiled innocently. "It's not easy to explain such a complex concept to a protozoan, but I'll try my best. I'll have to dumb it down a lot, so pay attention, ne?" Shizuo growled in response, but Izaya ignored him and went on.

"One of them is the concept of _Parallel Universes._ If there is an infinite number of realities, then the chances are there are also an infinite versions of you and me. Perhaps there's a Heiwajima Shizuo somewhere out there who's not a disgusting enough pig to drag me into an alley and almost fuck me to death." Shizuo flinched and lowered his head. Izaya immediately felt like sneering, but he controlled himself. "Another one is the concept of _Daughter Universes._ According to this, all possible outcomes of a situation do occur, in their own separate universes. For example, when Shizu-chan asked me to apologize and told me he'd let me walk away if I did, the present universe gave rise to two daughter universes: one in which I apologized and walked away, and one in which I didn't, and we both know how that ended. Well, that's debatable. I cannot be one hundred percent sure that you would've let me walk away even if I had apologized."

"I would've..." Shizuo answered brokenly.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them for a while, until Izaya finally took one last bite from the apple and carelessly threw what was left of it towards the ashtray, completely missing it, the thing sliding across the surface of the coffee table before finally falling on the carpet. He barely suppressed a malicious laugh when he saw Shizuo's eyebrow twitch in irritation, and he felt no remorse when the man rose to his feet, picked it up, and went into the kitchen to throw it into the trashcan before finally coming back and sitting down on the couch.

"What are the other theories?" Shizuo asked while trying to hide the annoyance he felt after the apple stunt.

"They are not _theories,_ Shizu-chan, they are merely _hypotheses,"_ Izaya corrected him. _"Hypotheses_ are speculative guesses that have yet to be tested, while _theories_ are well-established principles developed to explain some aspects of the natural world. Anyway, there are a few more hypotheses, but I don't want your already overheated single neuron to get fried, so I won't continue. Those two are enough," Izaya reasoned. Against expectations, Shizuo didn't protest and instead turned towards him with an expression that Izaya couldn't quite place.

"Do you really think there's a universe out there where things are still the way they used to be?"

Izaya's mind went back to a time when he was still himself and Shizuo was nothing more than a dumb brute with inhuman strength. He smiled, wishing there was a way to go back to that, but there wasn't, and his smile fell and he couldn't help but grief the loss of what they used to have. "I hope there is," he finally answered. "I'd hate to believe that I got caught by you an infinite number of times." Silence descended upon the small living-room once again, until Izaya turned up the volume on the TV and focused his attention on whatever movie was on. "Shizu-chan," he spoke softly and rose one finger, "one night."

"Huh?" Shizuo asked dumbly.

"Let's do a one night truce," Izaya suggested without even looking at Shizuo. "Even in war, opposing armies take such measures once in a while in order to recover their fallen comrades' rotting corpses littering the battlefield."

For a few seconds, Shizuo couldn't breathe, the sound of Izaya's calm and honest voice taking him by surprise. One night of no fighting sounded almost too good to be true, but he clung to Izaya's words as though his life depended on it. He tried to answer, but he couldn't, so instead he gave a grunt of assent and turned his head towards the TV.

Izaya lowered his hand and made himself comfortable. He was so tired that he couldn't even get up, and his mind was simply too exhausted for him to fight any longer. A break sounded nice.

"Was it the kiss?" Shizuo asked a few minutes later.

"It was your wandering hand, Shizu-chan," Izaya answered with a long sigh.

"I'm sorry... I just wanted it to end faster."

"Shut up," Izaya ordered. "I don't need your apologies." _I just need a break._


	40. Lonely Footsteps

**Chapter 40: Lonely Footsteps**

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It was around dawn when Izaya's eyes fluttered open, a pained gasp slipping past his lips because of the uncomfortable position in which he'd been sleeping. He groaned when he tried to get up, agony immediately shooting up his spine and making him halt his movements. For a moment, he was confused as to why he wasn't lying in his bed, but he finally remembered where he was when he took a look at his surroundings. He immediately sought to pull out his switchblades, but Shizuo was nowhere in sight, and Izaya's brows furrowed in confusion when he noticed the blanket draped over his form. He took a few deep breathes to calm down, knowing there was no point in panicking when he was alone. The beast had not only left him there to sleep in peace, but also covered him with a blanket to keep him warm. He felt his laughter effervescing, and he immediately pressed his lips tightly together in order to contain it, waking up the monster being the last thing he wanted to do.

The whole situation was not only insane, but also absurd. He'd fallen asleep on Shizuo's couch, and that alone made him want to punch himself, but he knew that he would never actually do it because he didn't want to damage his good-looking face. Still, it was pretty crazy, even for someone as crazy as he was, and as he pushed the blanket away, he realized just how unpredictable Ikebukuro's beast truly was. Shizuo could've easily killed him, and yet the beast didn't only not wake him up, but also went as far as to cover him so that he wouldn't freeze over night. He clamped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from bursting into laughter, and it was only after he regained control again that he moved his numb feet off the coffee table and got up, a few of his joints popping as he straightened his back.

"One act of kindness doesn't erase what you've done, beast," Izaya muttered under his breath. He knew that he'd forever be mentally scarred by what happened to him, and that was why he hated Shizuo so much. Izaya had been beaten before, especially when he was still young and he'd just started working as an Informant, but things like that hadn't really affected him in the long run. He could take a beating, hell, he could even take a few broken bones, but the humiliation he'd endured at Shizuo's hands broke something inside of him. As he stood there, he was seriously considering stabbing Shizuo in his sleep, and even though he dreaded going into the beast's bedroom, he still slowly and quietly made his way across the small hallway. He stopped when he reached the open door, the nausea he was already feeling suddenly skyrocketing to the point that he had to grab onto the door's frame. He hung on it for dear life, not trusting his legs to not buckle beneath him.

The abhorrence he felt at the sight of his worst enemy made his hand itch for the switchblade, so once he was certain he wouldn't collapse, he pulled it out with a shaky hand and took a step inside. The closer he got to Shizuo, the weaker he felt, and yet he kept on walking despite how badly he was tottering, refusing to succumb to the fear twisting his insides into a cold knot. The darkness within was swiftly devouring him with every moment spent with the disgusting animal before him, and the rage he felt seeping through his veins wanted him to cause havoc. He raised the switchblade to thrust it into the beast's heart, but the monster's peaceful expression froze his hand in the air. Shizuo was obviously not suffering enough if he could sleep so well, and Izaya tried to convince himself that he should wait just a bit longer before finally converting the beast into food for worms. He reluctantly lowered his hand and simply stared at the sleeping face for a long time, all the while fighting the urge to kill him. When said urge finally died down, a malevolent smile spread across his face, and he carefully pocketed the switchblade and went back into the living room, only stopping to grab the cigarette pack and the lighter and give the small hallway one last look before slipping out of Shizuo's apartment and going down the stairs.

A shiver ran down his spine once he stepped outside, the chilly morning air making him wish that he could teleport directly into his bed. He loved the cold, but not when the only thing he wanted to do was to go back to sleep. He stopped for a moment to zip up his jacket before he headed towards the nearest train station, never noticing the person taking pictures of him from behind the corner of Shizuo's apartment building. He sluggishly pulled out his phone and sent Namie a message, specifying that he'd pay her double if she didn't show up for work that day. Luckily, the train ride was uneventful, and he couldn't have been more grateful for not running into anyone he knew; he doubted he could have a decent conversation when his eyelids felt like they had turned to lead. He barely had the strength to walk by the time he reached his apartment, but no matter how tempted he was to fall asleep on the couch, he languidly climbed the stairs and stepped into the bedroom. He sluggishly took off his jacket and put it down on the bed before he crawled over to the other side, covered himself with the blanket, and easily fell asleep. For the first time in a long time, he dreamed that he was a god, and that his humans loved him just as much as he loved them.

He was only woken up again late in the afternoon by the insistent call of nature. He grabbed a clean set of clothes and went into the bathroom to relieve himself and to take a shower, still yawning now and then even though he'd slept for so long. He wanted to go back to sleep, but his stomach was making weird noises to remind him that he should eat something, so after the shower he got dressed and went to make some french toast. He could've prepared something better, but he felt extremely lazy and surprisingly still tired. He took the plate to the desk and sank into his chair, smiling a bit as he turned on the computer and checked his messages.

When he noticed he had a new email from Kimiko, he immediately clicked on it, curious to know if the girl had finally gathered the courage to confess to her crush. He picked up a slice of french toast and proceeded to munch on it as he read her message. Apparently, she had confessed to her classmate, but the teenager told her that he wasn't interested in her that way and that he was already seeing someone. Kimiko then proceeded to cry about how no one loved her and that her life sucked. She also told him that she was waiting for Nakura-san to take her to the building where he said he might kill himself in a previous email because she saw no point in continuing living.

"Pathetic," Izaya complained and picked up another slice of french toast, giving the whole situation some thought before making up his mind to send her a message in which he'd ask her to meet up so that the two of them could jump together to their deaths.

He then swiveled a few times in his desk chair before he stopped and gazed at the city before him. It was bursting with life, and even though he still felt rather tired after everything he'd been through, he still wanted to go out there. He sat there contemplating for a long time, until he heard the sound of a new message and he turned around to send her his reply. He then got up, picked up another slice of french toast before he put the rest in the fridge and went up the stairs to get dressed. He badly needed a distraction, and a whiny teenager girl seemed like a good enough excuse to go out, even if only to mess with her and see how she'd react. Kimiko lived in Ikebukuro, and since he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone he knew, he put on a black hoodie and its matching pants instead of his usual signature fur-trimmed coat. He took a moment to look in the mirror, and when he realized that he could hardly recognize his own face, he softly gasped in surprise . It wasn't the dark circles under his eyes or the cracked lips that made him look different, but that utterly defeated expression on his face.

"Don't worry, you'll feel better tomorrow," he tried to convince himself with a forced smile on his face before he turned around and went down the stairs to look for a pair of sports shoes. He couldn't remember the last time he'd wore them, but he didn't think his usual one worked well with the hoodie, and that's why he opted for something different. Sighing, he put them on once he found them and grabbed his phone, the cigarette pack and the lighter, the keys and a couple of switchblades―just in case he'd need them―and plodded out of the apartment.

Sometimes, he thought that he purposely talked to girls from Ikebukuro so that he'd have an excuse to go there, but for once he wished that Kimiko lived in Shinjuku or even in Shibuya because he didn't really want to risk running into Shizuo so soon after his breakdown, especially when he was still very much ashamed about showing the beast his most hidden side. The building he chose this time around was not a popular suicide spot, but many people passed it by and that was exactly what he wanted. If the girl jumped, there'd be a gruesome spectacle in front of it.

He arrived there half an hour early, hoping to have some time for himself before dealing with the whiny teenager. He slipped a hand into his pocket and withdrew the cigarette pack he'd snatched from Shizuo's apartment, all the while doing his best to fight both the disgust and the nausea he felt the moment his fingers touched it. He couldn't stand the thought of being affected by something so small, and he made up his mind to overcome this particular weakness no matter what or how long it took. He slowly pulled one out with quivering hands, but when he brought it close to his nose, he was bombarded by memories of fingers―smelling the exact same way―covering his mouth and nose with bruising force. The pack and the cigarette slipped from his hands, and as he stood there leaning against the wall, he laughed brokenly at his own weakness. He _knew_ that it shouldn't affect him so much, especially when he hadn't even lit it up, and yet such a small thing still ended up rousing such a strong reaction in him. "You're pathetic, Orihara Izaya," he chastised himself. "Truly pathetic."

Grimacing, his eyes shifted to the cigarette pack and he bent down to pick it up, immediately shoving it into his pocket so that he would no longer see the damn thing. It was ludicrous that he had such a debilitating weakness, and without realizing what he was doing he rubbed the spot on his neck where Shizuo had burned him with the cigarette before he ran a hand through his hair and moved to wait near the edge. No matter how much of an indomitable task it seemed, he would overcome it. Sighing, he pushed twitchy hands into the pockets of his hoodie and gazed at the view below, now capable of understanding why some people chose to opt out of life. He'd heard of people committing suicide after going through a similar experience to what he suffered at Shizuo's hands, and even though he'd mocked and called them weak in the past, he didn't think that way anymore. Some things were just too torturous to live with, but he wasn't like them, and he had no intention of giving up on his dream of immortality. Broken or not, he still wanted to live forever.

Izaya wondered how the beast would react if he were to attack him with the clear intention of ending his monstrous existence. It was one thing to attempt to take your own life, and another one entirely to let yourself get killed by your archenemy. Shizuo was obviously sorry about what he'd done, but Izaya still doubted that Ikebukuro's strongest would just stand there and do nothing if a switchblade were to head straight for his heart. Then again, Shizuo always did unexpected things, so the stupid protozoan could surprise him by letting himself get killed without lifting a finger. Izaya was however certain that nothing would ever surprise him more than Shizuo's behavior that accursed night.

Sighing once again, he lowered himself in a crouching position, placed his elbows on his thighs and rested his head on his palms while he gazed at the scintillating city below him with a tired expression on his face. He had no idea how long he stayed like that, but he was finally awoken from his musing when he heard the sound of footsteps.

"Nakura-san?"

Izaya forced a smile on his face before he got up and narrowed the distance between himself and his newest toy. "Ah, Kimiko-chan, it's nice to finally meet you in person," he greeted her sweetly before turning around again and heading for the edge of the rooftop. "It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" he asked as he spread his arms and inhaled deeply.

"I don't like darkness that much," Kimiko confessed shyly and stepped beside him.

Izaya lowered his arms and turned to face her. "But Kimiko-chan," he said and tilted his head, regarding her with something akin to amusement, "in the beginning, there was only darkness." As expected, she gave him a confused look, and Izaya barely manage to suppress a chuckle.

"Are you really going to jump, Nakura-san?"

This time, Izaya chuckled darkly, a nasty smirk almost splitting his face in two. "Of course I'm not going to jump," he declared, enjoying the shocked expression on Kimiko's face. Judging by the way she was gripping the hem of her jacket, the girl was obviously nervous, perhaps even scared, and Izaya thought that was exactly what she deserved for trusting a stranger.

"Nakura-san is mean for giving me false hope," she said in a slightly unsteady voice.

Izaya burst into laughter this time around, a mean, mocking laughter that made the girl take a few steps backwards. "Oh, Kimiko-chan, you're nothing special," he told her right before he moved to stand between her and the door. "You're just as special as every other teenager out there," he added in an amused tone. "Do you honestly think the world revolves around you?"

"N-No," she rushed to answer, her voice now quivering just as badly as the rest of her body. "I never s-said that!"

"But you thought it!" Izaya exclaimed, amused. "And when you realized that others don't see you the way you see yourself, you decided to end it." Izaya's eyes roamed over her form, studying her clothes with an amused expression. "You're trying too hard to look richer and smarter than you actually are. You really bring shame to your name. There's no wonder that guy rejected you!" Izaya barely managed to grab her wrist and avoid the slap, his eyes widening in surprise for only a moment before he put his mask back on. Kimiko looked like she was one step away from crying, and he had to admit that he was enjoying her anger and distress. He'd almost forgotten how good it felt to play with his humans.

"Let me g-go," she pleaded, but instead of moving out of the way, Izaya only realeased her wrist before taking a step towards her, Kimiko mirroring his every move until she was standing at the edge of the building.

"Jump," he said harshly. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

She canted her head and fearfully gazed at the darkness below. "That's because you s-said you'd j-jump too!" she stuttered, a few tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Kimiko-chan is such a sheep! So boring!" he exclaimed as he pulled out a switchblade and flicked it open, her surprised gasp making him chuckle.

"P-Please let me go," she pleaded.

"But you said you wanted to die~e!" Izaya sang.

"I don't!" she rushed to answer, and when he didn't move, she dropped down on her knees, head bowed so low that she was nearly touching the surface with her forehead. "Please Nakura-san, I really don't want to die! Please!"

As he watched the terrified, trembling human beg for her life, Izaya couldn't help but sneer. "There are humans who go through hell every day, and yet you, you selfish little girl, thought that being rejected by a boy was so bad that you had to commit suicide. You disgust me!" he spat and pocketed the switchblade before turning on his heels and walking away. He stopped when he grasped the handle, but he didn't turn around as the next words rolled off his tongue. "Do the world a favor and jump," he advised her before opening the door and going down the stairs.

"How dull," he mumbled to himself and shook his head in disappointment. It never ceased to amaze him how weak some humans were, their desire to live evanescing when faced with problems that seemed insignificant to him. Had anyone else been in his situation, they would've most likely jumped off a building months ago, but Izaya refused to succumb to the depression that sometimes seized his heart and mind and left him numb and wishing to just disappear. The only thing that had improved lately was that he was no longer as scared of Shizuo as he'd been before. Unfortunately, that still didn't stop him from going cold whenever he was anywhere near the beast, the memories of that night having been imprinted into every inch of his body.

Once outside the building, he pulled the hood over his head and waited for a while to see if she'd jump, but when she didn't, he walked away, his feet somehow leading him towards Shinra's place. He tried to turn back a few times, but whenever he went into a different direction, something stopped him and pulled him back to where the doctor lived. He had no right to seek him out, not after refusing to forgive him, and yet he felt so lonely that he could hardly breathe. He had no one to talk to, no one besides Shizuo, and he couldn't exactly tell the beast that he was having a hard time when everything was the monster's fault to begin with. He wasn't sure he could tell Shinra either, but the proximity to the man soothed his aching heart. Instead of going in, he stopped across the street from the doctor's apartment building and sat down on the sidewalk curb beneath a flickering light pole. He pulled down his hood and sighed softly, feeling grateful that he could rest his weak legs for a while. He lacked stamina in general, and sometimes he felt so weary that he could hardly get out of bed, but he kept on pushing himself, every day refusing to succumb to the despondency consuming him from deep within.

Now, more than ever, he wanted Shinra to hold him tightly against his chest and gently stroke his hair―just like he did that time when Izaya got stabbed. He wanted the doctor to tell him that everything would be all right and that his plan would succeed. There was a big chance that Shizuo would lose it again, and the simple thought of getting caught by that monster made him wrap his arms around trembling, bent legs and rest his forehead against his drawn up knees. He'd never felt safer than the time Shinra held him in his arms, and he hated himself for being so tempted to forgive him.

Just as he was berating himself, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he recoiled from the touch as though he'd been burned, turning around at neck-breaking speed only to stare in wordless dismay at Celty standing there frozen with her hand in the air for a few moments before she frantically typed something and bent down to shove the PDA in his face.

[I'm sorry! Are you all right?] she inquired, the forlorn display making her feel horrible for startling him like that.

Ignoring his still wildly beating heart, Izaya licked his dry lips and nodded before he slowly sat back down on the sidewalk's curb.

[I didn't mean to startle you.]

"It's okay," he said, trying for one of his easygoing smiles and miserably failing.

Celty's fingers twitched a few times as they hovered above the PDA. [I'm really sorry,] she apologized again. Izaya might've been a bastard, but she should've known better than to sneak up behind him, especially after what he'd been through.

Izaya exhaled a tense and rather audible unhappy breath from his nose as he ran a hand through his hair in annoyance. "I'm not made of glass, you know?"

[Nor are you made of steel.] Against expectations, his mask slipped for a fraction of a second, and when she saw the pain beneath his usual indifference or malice, she put down the grocery bag and sat next to him. [How have you been?]

"Peachy," he answered and inhaled a ragged breath, his voice sounding bitter more than anything else. "How about you, Courier-san?" he then leered, the corners of his lips quirking upwards into a disgusting smile. "Have you turned Shinra into a man yet?"

The PDA slipped from Celty's fingers, but luckily, Izaya managed to catch it before it hit the hard surface of the rugged concrete beneath their feet. "I'm guessing that's a no," he sighed in mock-disappointment as he handed her the small electronic device.

[Are you here to see him?] Celty asked in an attempt to change the subject, so flustered by Izaya's question that she could hardly think, images of that time she had slept in Shinra's bed vividly assaulting her mind. They hadn't really done anything besides touching each other, but she still felt herself burn at the memory.

"I'm just resting for a bit," he answered, and he smiled despondently as he gazed at the building before him. "I'll leave in a moment."

[No, please, come up for a bit. Shinra would be happy to see you.]

"I can't forgive him," Izaya confessed, and he felt jealousy bubbling up inside of him as his dark red gaze slanted Celty's way. The Dullahan had Shinra's unconditional love, while Izaya himself had no one. He always thought it was ironic how both Celty and Shizuo―who were monsters―had people who cared about them. "Why are you still here?" he inquired, regarding her with a confused expression on his face.

[What do you mean?] she asked, feeling just as confused.

"I don't understand why you're here talking to me instead of comforting that other monster," Izaya shrugged and turned his head to blankly stare ahead, but he ended up sighing in annoyance when Celty shoved the PDA into his face again.

[I don't talk to him anymore,] the text said, and Izaya's eyes widened in disbelief as rusty-red eyes moved across every kanji written by the Dullahan next to him. He'd been certain that Celty wouldn't react very well after finding out what happened, but he never really dared to hope that she would outright abandon Shizuo. His smile was brittle as he turned towards her, and she could tell that he was itching to ask her something.

"Why? You two were friends. Aren't you going to blame me for what happened? Aren't you going to say that I asked for it, that I deserved it?" Instead of replying, she kept looking at him from behind that helmet with her nonexistent eyes, and he felt himself tense so badly that he could feel his muscles twitch. It seemed like forever had passed before she raised the PDA and typed something on it, his heart ratcheting louder and louder until all he could hear were its heartbeats.

[I don't think anyone deserves to go through... that,] she answered honestly.

Brown-red eyes stayed glued to the small device for a long time, until he finally found the strength to tear them away from the words he'd been wanting so badly to hear. He felt grateful for some reason. To everyone else, it looked like he blamed Shizuo for everything that happened, but on the inside, there were moments when he couldn't help but think that he deserved it for always trying to push Shizuo over the edge and for being so weak as to get caught. If he was stupid enough to get captured by the wild beast, then perhaps he deserved to be punished for his failure. Luckily, he was usually able to chase away such thoughts, immediately going back to hating Shizuo like he'd always had, his hatred for the man only growing stronger. The smile he didn't know was on his face fell, and he regarded her in silence for a long moment with an indecipherable expression on his face.

[I'm really sorry you had to go through such a horrifying experience.]

"But you hate me..." he said weakly, still finding it hard to believe that Celty was being so nice to him.

[I dislike the things you do,] she clarified. [I wish you would've left Shizuo alone years ago.]

At seeing the beast's name, Izaya sneered, suddenly feeling angry at her. "Even when I left him alone, he still attacked me," he viciously spat out the words.

Celty's shoulders slumped. [I know... he told me you didn't do anything that day.]

Izaya's eyes widened in surprised, and he blinked a few times, finding it hard to believe that Shizuo would admit to outright assaulting him for no reason at all.

[But I also know that it would've never gotten this far if only you hadn't been...]

"Hadn't been what? he hissed, his hands balled into fists so tightly that his nails were almost puncturing the skin of his palms.

[... so reckless,] Celty answered, and she watched him instantly relax. She'd meant to call him a _bastard,_ but the pained look on his face made her reconsider. There was no point in adding insult to injury.

[ What you did to him over the years wasn't right either, you know that, right? ] she added, almost fearing his reaction. She didn't think he'd attack her, but the last thing Celty wanted to do was to kick someone who was already down; and Izaya was down, she could tell as much. The old Izaya would've never been caught dead sitting outside their apartment building simply because he felt lonely. Celty was not so blind―even though she didn't have a head and eyes to see―as to not understand that Izaya wanted to talk to Shinra, but the man's stupid pride and pettiness kept him from going up to their apartment.

"I really couldn't help myself," Izaya admitted as his thoughtful gaze slid back to her. "It was just so much fun to mess with him. That disproportionate reaction of his was fascinating to watch. How can someone who looks so much like a normal human do so much damage with little to not effort at all?" Slowly, he raised his hands and placed them around his arms, fingers harshly pressing into the skin. "Though it stopped being fun when said strength was so viciously used against me."

Without realizing what she was doing, Celty raised a hand and gently placed it on Izaya's shoulder, the man's flinch only serving to convince her that what Shizuo had done was truly monstrous. Izaya shouldn't have been startled by something as innocent as a soft touch, and yet the once fearless Informant was not as fearless anymore. Even though she was not human, she could sympathize with him. Just the thought of anyone touching her―anyone who wasn't Shinra―made her shudder, and it had to be that much worse for Izaya because of his hatred for Shizuo. Her former friend had truly messed him up, and yet, no matter how much disgust she felt for what Shizuo had done, she could sympathize with him as well. Izaya had tried to get the blond killed before, and yet there she was, comforting a man she so clearly disliked. She knew that she shouldn't feel sorry for Shizuo, but the memory of her friend's anguished expression as he tried to thrust that switchblade into his heart was making her want to go to his apartment and take him into her arms. She hated herself for thinking that way, but as more of an outside observer to humanity as a whole, she couldn't help but see the end result as a series of unfortunate events leading to an extremely messed up situation.

Even so, Celty knew with absolute certainty that if Izaya would've been the one to do such a thing to Shizuo, she would've killed the Informant where he stood, but because Shizuo had been her friend, she couldn't do that to him. To an objective observer, it'd be easy to hate Shizuo for what he'd done, but she was anything but that, and her subjectivity certainly wasn't helping her out when having to deal with either of them. She almost envied Shinra for how easily he had discarded Shizuo, his friendship with the man―if it could even be called that―nowhere near as strong as what she and Shizuo had shared. She wanted to hate Shizuo just as much, because then she wouldn't find herself wondering every day how he was doing, if he was okay, if he needed someone to be there for him, and so on. On the other hand, if she could sympathize with Izaya, who was obviously capable of murder, then maybe she was allowed to sympathize with Shizuo as well. Perhaps she needed to stop blaming herself for feeling sorry for the man, because she was no longer the Dullahan going around Ireland and sending people to their deaths. Since her arrival to Japan, she had made connections with certain humans, and it pained her to see them suffer.

"I'm going home," Izaya said as he stood up abruptly and pulled his hood on. "Don't tell Shinra I was here," he then requested without turning around, a feeling of lassitude spreading throughout his body.

Celty finally lowered her hand and watched Izaya walk away, the man's sagged shoulders making him appear quite small. _He looks so lonely,_ she thought sadly, and as she grabbed the small grocery bag and got up, she hoped that Izaya would soon forgive Shinra, because the man's need for someone to be there for him was painfully obvious even to a monster like her.


	41. Blood of a Broken Man

**Chapter 41: Blood of a Broken Man**

.

After their run-in with Ueda's men, both Tom and Shizuo agreed over the phone to take a few days off from work. Shizuo wasn't exactly injured, but Tom was having a hard time moving around. With nothing to do besides sitting on the couch and watching TV, Shizuo decided to go for a walk.

Unfortunately, he couldn't get the image of a sleeping Izaya out of his head no matter how hard he tried, and he wondered how could someone so vicious look so small and fragile while asleep. That night he'd attempted to wake him up and send him home, but Izaya seemed so deep in sleep that words alone couldn't bring him back. Not knowing what else to do, Shizuo had placed a hand on Izaya's shoulder, his gesture making the sleeping raven whimper and murmur indistinct words that sounded like pleas. For a few seconds, Shizuo'd been too shocked to react, but the moment he pulled back his hand, the noises stopped, as though Izaya's body could recognize the danger that was Ikebukuro's beast even in a sleeping state.

Shizuo shook his head in the vain hope of chasing away the memory and lit up a cigarette, his phone ringing just as he was about to take a much needed lungful of smoke. "What?" he barked into the phone without even bothering to check the number.

_"Shizu-chan..."_

"Izaya!" he gasped in surprise and stopped in his tracks.

_"Are you busy?"_

Shizuo gripped the phone tighter. "No."

_Can you meet me at the park near Shinra's apartment building?"_

"Yeah, ok, I'll be there," Shizuo answered after a few moments of silence.

_See you there._

As soon as Izaya ended the call, Shizuo slowly lowered the phone and stared at it for a bit before slipping it into his pants pocket and heading in the direction of the park. Their truce had only lasted one night, but it proved that the two of them could stay in one place without killing each other. He had a feeling that Izaya would try to kill him sooner or later, but if the man were to ever give up on that thought, Shizuo hoped that one day the two of them could learn to live in something resembling peace.

Because Izaya hadn't specified where in the park they were supposed to meet, Shizuo assumed that the flea was waiting for him in the middle, so he headed that way. Surprisingly enough, there was no fur-trimmed jacket in sight, but when he heard Izaya's voice from somewhere behind him and he turned around, he couldn't have been more surprised at seeing him wear a hoodie instead of that stupid jacket he couldn't stand. "Why are you wea―"

"I was in the mood for a change," Izaya was quick to answer. "What? Doesn't Shizu-chan think that I look good in this, hmm?" He then moved closer, until he was right in Shizuo's face. "Not sexy enough for you?" he asked in a low voice, not wanting the people passing by to hear their conversation. "Perhaps not fuckable enough...?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Shizuo bit back, his tone laced with fury. He'd tried to keep his voice down, but it didn't look like he was doing a very good job because a few parents threw him admonishing looks. "Do you really have to be such a fucking asshole every time we meet?" he went on, this time in a much softer voice.

"Come now, beast, don't deny it. You must've thought that I was at least good-looking to be able to get it up for me even though you hate me so much," Izaya commented with a nasty smirk on his face. "Tell me, at what exact moment did it cross your mind to fuck me?"

Without a word, Shizuo grabbed a skinny arm and dragged Izaya to a more secluded area of the park, not trusting himself to not raise his voice again when he felt so pissed off at the louse. "Seriously, what the fuck?"

Izaya jerked his arm free and continued to stare at Shizuo, the beast's mortified and yet angry expression telling him that he'd hit a nerve. "Just answer me," Izaya chirped, the sound incongruous to the seriousness of the question previously asked.

Shizuo grit his teeth harder and fought not to punch Izaya in the face, that anger he felt whenever the flea tried to rile him up for once failing to rear its ugly head to the point that he would succumb to his rage. Over the past few months, he'd learn to control his strength a bit better, the proof being all those time he'd ran into Izaya and didn't end up hurting him. "Was this why you wanted to see me?" he asked tiredly.

"No, but I'll tell you why after you answer my question," Izaya promised.

Sighing, Shizuo leaned against the nearest tree and regarded Izaya with a curious expression on his face. "What prompted the question?"

Izaya shrugged. "The way you were looking at me. Ah, but don't use such big words, ne? Your brain might explode," he then added in an amused tone.

"It was when you licked the blood off your lips," Shizuo reluctantly admitted after a few long moments of silence, hoping that the flea would change the subject now that he had his answer.

"Shizu-chan really is into guys, huh?" the words simply slipped out of Izaya's mouth, but the fact that something as innocent as licking the blood off his split lip prompted the assault was not something he wanted to think about when he had more important things to discuss with the brute.

"Why do you always do this?"

Izaya tilted his head, confused. "Do what?"

"Try to provoke me into losing it, into hurting you. It's like you _want_ me to attack you again." Shizuo thought that Izaya's sneer made answering the question to be pointless, but the flea still deemed it necessary to expand on it.

"Who else can make you understand what a danger you are to everyone around you? It's my civic duty!"

Reclining his head against the tree's trunk, Shizuo shook his head before honey-brown orbs fell upon Izaya once again. "I already know I'm dangerous, so stop with this shit already." Instead of the nasty comment he was expecting in return, Izaya's smirk grew wider and the madness in the man's eyes only seem to intensify.

"No, you really don't. Not yet anyway, but I'll help you understand," Izaya chuckled darkly and put some distance between the two of them. "Kasuka, your beloved little bro―"

"What about him?" Shizuo pushed himself away from the tree and took a step in Izaya's direction before he managed to stop himself. "If you _dare _hurt him again, I will _kill_ you," he growled threateningly.

Izaya infinitesimally backed away, the angry beast frightening him just a tiny bit. "You're the one who hurt him, Shizu-chan, not I."

"Spare me the bullshit. Kasuka doesn't deserve to get hurt because of what I did to you," Shizuo snapped and balled his hands into fists. "You said you would leave him out of this, bastard!"

"This has nothing to do with me, Shizu-chan, nothing at all. I just happen to possess some information that might interest you, and since I'm such a _nice_ guy, I'll give you a hint. It happened back when you were growing up," Izaya explained in delighted malevolence.

Shizuo growled once again but fought to control himself. "What the fuck are you trying to say?"

"I believe poor Kasuka is mentally scarred because of what happened to him," Izaya commented with a pitying sigh. "There really is no wonder he turned out the way he did."

Many horrifying thoughts went through Shizuo's head, and he didn't even realize when his hand shot out and he tried to grab Izaya, the flea jumping away in an instant as if to prove how much he deserved his nickname. In the next moment, Izaya was running away and Shizuo was chasing after him, his body moving on its own accord. He kept telling himself that he wouldn't hurt Izaya, that he'd only catch him and make him reveal what he knew; and yet he couldn't help but fear his own reaction once he caught him. Izaya was the absolute champion when it came to bringing out the worst in him, and no matter how many promises he'd made or how many times he'd said sorry, he still hated the bastard just as much as before if not more. Reluctantly, he came to the conclusion that making Izaya talk was the only chance he had at ever finding out the truth, especially when Kasuka had stopped answering his calls right after the whole Slon incident. Despite how wrong it felt to chase Izaya once again, Shizuo kept running after him through Ikebukuro's streets, and he couldn't help but feel a bitter taste as his thoughts went back to that accursed chase that had ended so horribly wrong. Back then he'd also been pissed because of Kasuka, and he clung onto that information to make sure that he wouldn't do more than ask Izaya what he knew.

Luckily, it seemed like Izaya was sticking to the main streets this time around, and even though the people walking by were making his task of apprehending the flea harder, Shizuo was glad that the two of them weren't anywhere near some dirty and poorly illuminated alley. It almost seemed like Izaya had learned his lesson, although to refer to what happened that night as a _lesson_ made him sick to his stomach. Pain and fear were primitive methods of disciplining, and Shizuo despised himself for ever thinking that was a good idea. Since then, the two of them succeeded in having a few decent conversations here and there, and it made Shizuo curse his stupidity even more because their honest discussions only served to prove that the two of them could talk like human beings instead of fighting like animals. With that thought in mind, he decided that no matter how much he might be tempted to beat the insect to a bloody pulp, he would not under any circumstance resort to violence.

The temptation to uproot a stop sign and hit Izaya with it was very high, but Shizuo managed to control himself. "Flea, stop running!" he tried, but Izaya only laughed.

"No way, Shizu-chan! Let's just say that... I've learned my _'lesson?'"_

As the words reached his ears, Shizuo nearly stumbled. He almost stopped chasing Izaya, but the _need_ to know what happened to Kasuka kept pushing him forward. Izaya seemed a bit slower than usual, but he was still much faster than Shizuo ever hoped to be, and Ikebukuro's beast couldn't have been more surprised at almost running into Izaya when the insect suddenly stopped. Their eyes met for only a moment, before Shizuo's right hand shot straight towards the pale neck and he pinned the smaller man to the hood of a car. Surprisingly, Izaya wasn't trying to get away. "Tell me!" Shizuo demanded.

"Would you m-mind holding this for m-me?" Izaya struggled to speak, sounding out of breath, as he pushed something into the blond's hand.

Shizuo stared dumbly. "Huh...?" and his eyes widened in confusion when they fell upon the object in his hand. He thought he heard voices behind him, but he couldn't focus when all he could see was the bloody switchblade in his palm. His eyes traveled back to Izaya, and that's when he noticed the cut on the insect's thin arm and the blood trickling on the hood of the car. "What is this...?"

"Me s-setting you up a-again," Izaya chuckled, and just as Shizuo's eyes fell upon the malevolent smirk on the raven's face, the voices behind him finally became clear.

"PUT THE KNIFE DOWN, NOW!"

For a moment, Shizuo saw red, and he tightened the grip around the insect's neck, but something inside of him stopped him from snapping it. He'd been tricked again, and as he unclenched his fingers from around the now bruised throat, he growled at Izaya, wishing nothing more than to wipe that disgusting smirk off the bastard's face. He took a step backwards and raised his arms, not in the mood to fight the officers and maybe get into more trouble than Izaya had already gotten him into. Despite the burning anger he was experiencing, he didn't fight back when he was cuffed. As if things weren't already bad enough, he finally realized that he was in front of a police station and that he'd pinned the disgusting louse to a police car. At that moment, it crossed his mind that perhaps Izaya had made up the whole Kasuka story to lure him there, and he almost sighed in relief at the thought. He didn't try to run as they dragged him into the building, nor did he cause any troubles when they roughly pushed into an empty cell, the only sign of protest being a low growl. He paced the small space a few times before he sat down on the cold floor, but unfortunately, the silence was shattered by the door opening and Izaya walking in like he owned the place.

"I asked them to give me a few minutes with you."

Shizuo snorted and glared at the flea from where he was sitting down on the floor with his back against the wall. "You're cutting yourself now, flea? Are you really this messed up?"

A dark chuckle resonated throughout the near empty space, and Izaya took that last step towards the cell and grabbed the bars with both hands, his eyes burning with hatred as he glared at the blond. "While it's true that I've always been somewhat messed up," Izaya admitted, "your recent _actions_ have created this new _me._ I've already told you that I can't forget, so please, do rejoice, Shizu-chan, it's what you wanted deep down inside, no matter how much you try to deny it."

"I didn't wa―"

"If you dare finish that sentence, I swear that I will destroy everyone and everything you hold dear!" Izaya warned, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was grasping the bars.

Shizuo scrubbed a hand over his face, wishing that it was all a nightmare and that he could wake up from it. He believed Izaya capable of doing that and much more, and he knew well enough not to further anger him. "What is it that you want from me?" he asked without even lifting his head.

"Everyone dies, _beast_, but death is too easy of a punishment for you." Shizuo stayed silent, so Izaya loosened his tight hold on the bars and took a step backwards. "Aren't you going to ask me about Kasuka?"

When Shizuo raised his head, their eyes met, and they stared at each other for a long time. "No," Shizuo finally answered. "I know that you only said that to rile me up because you wanted me to get arrested."

With a dark chuckle, Izaya gripped the bars again, and he leaned closer until his head was touching the cold metal. "You belong in prison, with rapists and murderers. If your brother hadn't helped me that night, I'd most likely be dead and buried right now."

Shizuo got up and moved towards Izaya until he was standing right in front of him, the steel bars being the only things separating them. "I may belong here, but so do you," he sneered and fisted a hand into the front of Izaya's jacket, his eyes slightly widening in surprise when the other didn't even try to pull away.

"I'll never get caught no matter what I do," Izaya promised, eyes glowing as a dark smirk spread across his face, "unlike you..." and he kept on smirking as he unclenched one hand from around the bars and wrapped his fingers around Shizuo's wrist. "My battered body was a testimony to your violence, not to mention that you were stupid enough to leave evidence of your... sordid _activities_ behind, so had I called an ambulance that night, you would be rotting in prison right now."

"But you didn't, because you were too proud."

Izaya shrugged. "We all have our flaws."

"You need help, flea... professional help."

"Tch!"

"Whatever," Shizuo muttered before shoving him away. "Leave, before I make you leave."

"Shizu-chan is sooo sca~ary!" Izaya gasped in mock-surprise with a bravado he didn't quite feel. "Well, I'll see you around," he waved before he turned around and walked away, his dark chuckle resonating throughout the hallway.

.

"I love you," Shinra murmured against the naked skin of Celty's breasts as he laid soft kisses on her chest. He almost growled in frustration at being unable to use both his hands to explore her divine body, and he inwardly cursed Shizuo for being the cause of his current problem. His beautiful Dullahan was sprawled on the bed before him, with her back leaning against his pillows and her long legs resting on either of his sides. A soft sound of appreciation left his lips when more of the black smoke retreated, only to reveal her flat stomach and alluring hips. He almost couldn't believe that his beloved Dullahan would soon be his, and as his gaze roamed over her perfect body, he couldn't help but lick his lips in anticipation.

[Stop staring!] she typed on her PDA after grabbing it from the nightstand. Before she could even show it to him, she covered her naked breasts with an arm, almost dropping the device when a predatory smirk spread across his face.

"The sight of you like this is picture perfect, so can you blame me for admiring such ravishing beauty?" Shinra asked as he seized her wrist and pulled her arm away, his lips descending on a breast before he released her and he grabbed her other one. As if on cue, she arched beneath his touch, his skilled hand and tongue making her squirm. Momentarily abandoning her breasts, he trailed wet kisses up her chest while he skimmed her skin, exploring her shoulder, her arm and the deep curve of her thin waist, until he dared to let his wandering hand go lower and he caressed her inner thigh. He almost burst into happiness when he felt nimble fingers run through his hair, as though Celty was telling him to go on, but it wasn't until she placed her other hand on his back and she started pulling at his t-shirt that he finally dared to move his hand up her leg. He was close, so close, but he didn't succeed in reaching his target because her phone rang right at that moment. He momentarily froze, waiting to see what she'd do, and when she released her grip on his t-shirt and lightly pushed him away to check her PDA, he barely suppressed a sob from climbing up his throat and slipping past his lips.

[I have to go.]

"What?! Right now?" he screeched, his voice sounding desperate and pathetic at the same time. "Why...?"

[Izaya wants to meet me. He said it was important.]

Shinra growled possessively as he captured her wrist, but his angry expression turned soft again when she raised her hand and caressed his jaw. He closed his eyes and nuzzled into her palm, Celty's enticing scent filling his nostrils and making him want to never let go. He heard the sound of keys being pressed and he opened his eyes just in time to see her pick up the PDA from the bed.

[I'll be back as soon as I can.]

"Since when do you care?"

[?]

"About Izaya..." he clarified, and then watched her pull back her hand at the same time that her black smoke covered her chest.

[He's pitiful.]

"Don't tell him that," Shinra advised as he retrieved his glasses from the nightstand.

[I know, don't worry. I'll see you later.]

He simply sat there motionless until he heard the door open and then close before he finally allowed his body to collapse on the bed. At least he didn't have to rush to the bathroom, the mere mention of Izaya's name making him lose his erection.

.

Celty thought it was a bit strange that Izaya had asked her to meet him at the police station, especially when Izaya knew how much she feared the men in uniform, but it wasn't until she got there that she realized something was wrong. She immediately noticed the cut in the jacket's sleeve and the bandages beneath, as well as the blood soaking the material, and for a moment, she almost forgot about her fears.

[What happened?]

"Ah, you see, Shizu-chan and I had a fight―"

[He did this?!]

"If you want to talk to him, I can make it happen," Izaya proposed in an attempt to avoid answering the question. "Besides, I know how worried you must be now that he's locked up like the animal that he is."

[That's not why I want to see him.]

Izaya chuckled darkly and leaned against the building. "Oh, please, Courier-san, we both know that no matter what you say, you won't really abandon him. I finally understood it the last time we met."

[What are you talking about...?]

"You made sure I understood that I am the architect of my own destruction."

[That's not why I said it!] she rushed to answer, her PDA almost slipping through her fingers as she pushed it into his face.

Izaya read the text, cocked his head to the side and regarded the Dullahan with a hateful gleam in his eyes. "Oh?"

[Bad things happen whenever the two of you meet.]

Izaya shook his head and sighed loudly before pushing himself away from the wall and heading towards the door, but he ended up stopping in his tracks when he felt Celty's hand on his shoulder.

[It was not my intention to place the blame on you,] she told him once he turned to face her. [I really think that the two of you should stay away from one another.] [Just look at what he did to you!]

"You can keep on lying to yourself, Courier-san, but please stop wasting my precious time and follow me already," Izaya said flatly before he opened the door with his uninjured arm and stepped inside.

Despite how reluctant she was about going in, Celty knew that Izaya wouldn't ask it of her if she was in any sort of danger of being captured, so she followed after him with her shoulders sagged and her head bowed, regret and shame weighing heavily on her conscience.

.

After Izaya left, Shizuo went back to sitting on the floor with his back against the wall opposite the barred door. He kept staring ahead for a while, until he heard footsteps approaching and his vision finally focused enough to see Izaya walking down the hallway with Celty in tow. He immediately got up and rushed to the bars, wondering what the hell was going on because he couldn't understand for the life of him why Izaya would bring her there. It made no sense that she would come in when she was so terrified by the police for always chasing her around Ikebukuro.

"I thought Shizu-chan would feel lonely, so I brought Courier-san to keep him company," Izaya answered the question before the blond even had a chance to voice it.

The bars rattled when Shizuo suddenly gripped them, and Izaya fought the urge to take a step backwards when he noticed the murderous light in those honey-brown eyes. Those steel bars were not enough to hold Ikebukkuro's beast if Shizuo decided he had enough.

**"Get lost,"** Shizuo growled, but Celty typed something on her PDA as she approached him.

[He stays.]

"Fine," Shizuo muttered before he released his hold on the bars. "You shouldn't be here."

[Don't worry about it,] she told him, but her hands still shook with fine tremors.

"Let me guess, he told you that I attacked him again? Because if he did, then he's a lying piece of shit."

Celty turned to Izaya and then back to Shizuo, her whole posture screaming confusion besides the dread she was already feeling.

"I never said that," Izaya clarified with a shrug.

"He cut himself, Celty!" Shizuo sneered and immediately pointed at the disgusting flea standing five feet away from him.

[What?!]

"Well, you see, Shizu-chan attacked me first," he tried in an attempt to defend himself.

Shizuo glared at Izaya for a full minute before addressing Celty. "I didn't attack him. I just wanted him to leave Kasuka alone and to tell me what he knew."

Izaya snorted while Celty was so confused that she didn't even know what to say anymore.

"You pinned me to a police car, you protozoan! That means you attacked me, no matter how you try to justify it," Izaya snapped and barely stopped himself from pulling out his other switchblade and planting in the middle of Shizuo's forehead.

"I'm sorry if I'm a little touchy when it comes to my brother, especially after what happened," Shizuo hissed, the metal slightly bending beneath his fingers.

Izaya laughed, but what he really felt was spite. "At least I didn't go through with it."

Celty continued to watch the exchange between the two adversaries, not daring to interrupt them.

"You still almost got him rap―" Shizuo snarled, but before he could finish the sentence, he clasped a hand over his mouth, both he and Izaya now staring at the frozen Dullahan.

[You what...?] she asked after she turned around to face the smaller man, black smoke spilling from beneath her helmet and snapping back and forth in the air.

Izaya backed away and raised his hands in a placating gesture, the sides of his mouth quirking upwards into a nervous smile. "I admit that I convinced someone to do it for me, but I changed my mind and in the end I saved Kasuka from a fate similar to my own. I still let Shizu-chan believe for a few hours that his precious little brother got fucked, because this _beast_ here deserves to suffer," he spat as he threw Shizuo a disgusted look.

Celty's thoughts immediately went back to the day when Izaya asked her to deliver Kasuka to Shizuo, and she finally understood why the older Heiwajima tried to kill himself that time.

[You shouldn't have done that,] she told Izaya.

Izaya lowered his hands before he leaned against the wall. "Can you really blame me, Courier-san? You were the one who cleaned the blood off my bathroom's floor and tub, and you were one of the three people who saw the shape I was in right after Shizu-chan finished _playing_ with me, so you shouldn't be so surprised that I sought revenge once I got back to my feet."

Celty somewhat understood where he was coming from, but she wasn't about to tell him that. Shizuo and Izaya being in proximity to one another only made things worse, and it hardened her belief that nothing good would ever come out of their encounters.

[You need to stay away from each other,] she first told Shizuo and then Izaya, and while the first nodded, the second shook his head.

"How else would I punish Shizu-chan, hmm? I'm open to suggestions," he snickered and approached the bars, meeting Shizuo's stare with a glare of his own and a nasty smirk.

"Screw you, bastard!" Shizuo snapped.

Izaya sighed and slipped a hand into the pocket of the jacket where he kept the spare switchblade. "I already told you I rather you didn't, since you really sucked at it."

"That's not what I―" Shizuo tried to defend himself, but he ended up swallowing the next word when Celty raised a hand, effectively silencing him.

[No matter what I say, you both ignore me. I've had enough!] she declared, the black smoke surrounding her taking on a more threatening demeanor.

Both Shizuo and Izaya seemed to move closer to one another so that the two of them could read her words at the same time.

[You're both children, and I refuse to be a part of your games.]

"Courier-san, I―"

[Shut up, Izaya! I don't want to hear another word from you!]

"Celty, listen―"

[Silence!]

Shizuo immediately clicked his mouth shut, the murderous aura he felt radiating from the Dullahan making him worry for his safety. He knew better than to underestimate Celty.

[I'm done with the both of you. Don't ever look for me again.]

"But Courier-san―" Izaya tried, but he ended up flinching when her hand shot up to the bar beside his head before she slowly pulled it back to type her last message to them.

[Not another word,] and with that Celty turned around and stormed out of the building, finally understanding once and for all that she wouldn't be able to help Ikebukuro's most famous archenemies.


	42. Louder than Words

**Chapter 42: Louder Than Words**

.

Both Shizuo and Izaya stared at Celty's retreating back, gaping. They'd never seen the Dullahan so angry before, not even when Shizuo tried to chase her away by acting like a complete monster.

"I must confess, I didn't expect that," Izaya reluctantly admitted, not yet realizing that he was too close to the cage until Shizuo grabbed both his arms and slammed him into the bars, gripping both wrists behind his back with one hand and covering his mouth with the other before Izaya even had a chance to react. He moaned in pain when his injured arm made contact with the metal, and he couldn't help but violently shudder at the feel of the beast's hand upon his person. The horrifying knowledge that he was at Shizuo's mercy nearly made his vision waver, unadulterated terror spreading through his veins like wildfire. A pathetic whimper nearly escaped him, but he managed to swallow it before the monster breathing against his nape could hear it.

"Unlike your venomous mouth, your body never lies," Shizuo said right before he moved the hand covering Izaya's mouth down the man's neck and then lower, until it was resting right above the wildly beating heart. "This right here," and he pressed harder on Izaya's chest, but not hard enough to hurt him, "speaks louder than words. You prance around and act all high and mighty, like nothing can touch you, but deep down inside, you're scared-shitless."

"I'm n-not―"

"You are, and the more you try to pretend that you're _fine,_ the more you're hurting yourself. Listen to me, flea, you need help."

"What I n-need is for Shizu-chan to take his disgusting paws off my person," Izaya tried to say in a calm, confident tone, but his voice still betrayed him with its slight quiver. To his surprise, Shizuo released him, and without the beast's strong hands to support him, he ended up sliding down the bars, trembling knees bending under the weight of his body before he managed to pull push himself up and scramble away. He took out the switchblade and flicked it open before he was even fully facing Shizuo, the terrified look in his eyes morphing into one of burning hatred and anger.

For a few moments, Shizuo simply watched Izaya, as if to confirm that his assumptions about the man had been right. "These games are hurting you a lot more than you're hurting me by playing them."

"If you're trying to convince me to back down, then―"

"I don't even blame Celty for finally deciding she's had enough," Shizuo interrupted him. "You should listen to her advice and stay away from me." Resting his forearms on the horizontal bars, he sighed tiredly before continuing. "You've ruined my life for the sake of your own sick amusement, and you even managed to bring out the monster I didn't even knew existed... what more do you want, Izaya? What will it take for you to end this game we've been playing for so many years? If it's my head that you want, then come and get it," Shizuo offered, if only to keep Izaya from breaking his word and going after Kasuka, but the Informant's sardonic smile only served to enforce the belief that Izaya couldn't have cared less about anything he had to say.

"Shizu-chan, you still don't get it, do you? I could've taken your head years ago."

"Then why didn't you?" Shizuo growled.

Slightly relaxing, Izaya finally lowered the switchblade and slipped it into the right pocket of his jacket. "The answer is quite simple, but I guess that a protozoan like you would never be able to figure it out by himself."

"If you think that I'm so dumb, then why don't you explain it to me so that I'll finally understand, hah?"

"Monsters are monsters, and they shouldn't act like humans, but at least Shizu-chan now knows he's a monster, so it won't be long now."

"It won't be long before what?"

"You'll see~" Izaya sang before he turned on his heels and took one step in the direction of the door. "Ah, and try not to escape, ne? You'd only be hurting Courier-san, since the police might think of her as an accomplice or something; you never know," Izaya added as he walked away chuckling, leaving a fuming Shizuo to spew insults at him for getting Celty involved.

.

After assuring one of the officers who had arrested Shizuo that he would go to the hospital and get the injury taken care of, Izaya walked out of the police station and took out his phone to call a cab, but he changed his mind and instead headed towards the train station. Cab drivers were never fond of taking injured clients, and he was not in the mood to deal with something like that. Besides, the cut was superficial, he'd made sure of that, and the bandages tightly wrapped around his arm by one of the officers ensured that he wouldn't bleed to death.

Izaya still couldn't get over Celty's reaction. He'd called her there to finally get her to admit―among other things―that she could never abandon Shizuo, but instead of her facing the truth, she ended up running away. It didn't really matter though, because her punishment would still be the same. Izaya never really believed that Celty would shun Shizuo and take his side, but a tiny part of him still hoped that the Dullahan would choose him. _You really should've picked me, Courier-san,_ he thought spitefully once he caught sight of a random motorcycle passing by just as he was about to cross the street.

"Oi, Izaya," he heard someone call his name, and when he turned his head in the direction of the voice, he saw Kadota leaning against the van and Erika waving at him with a disgusting leer that, for some reason, made him feel dirty.

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I have some things to take care of, so if you'll excuse me..." Izaya tried in an attempt to escape before it was too late, since he didn't want to be anywhere near the fujoshi, but Kadota pushed himself away from the van and approached him. "Really, Dotachin, I'm busy, take a hint," Izaya added, feeling slightly annoyed.

"What happened?" Kadota asked, his eyes glued to the injured arm.

Izaya simply shrugged, in no way in the mood to explain anything to someone like Dotachin who had no business concerning himself with his person to begin with.

"I'll give you a ride home, come on," Kadota said, but he ended up frowning when Izaya flinched from his touch after he'd placed a hand on the Informant's shoulder. "You must've gotten banged around pretty badly, huh?"

Izaya inwardly cursed before he forced a smile on his face. "Only a little," he lied and hoped that Dotachin bought it.

Kadota nodded and then steered Izaya towards the van. "One more reason to let us give you a ride home."

Seeing how Dotachin was unrelenting, Izaya finally nodded and got into the van, though he ended up scrunching his nose in disgust when his eyes fell upon the cover of what was obviously one of the fujoshi's perverted man on man action manga.

Erika, who was watching his every move, nearly squealed in delight. "If Izayan is interested in some new positions to try out with Shizu-Shizu, I, Karisawa Erika, will gladly relinquish my ownership of this beautiful Yaoi manga," she spoke solemnly.

"I'm leaving," Izaya said flatly, his expression blank as he moved to get out of the van, but he ended up wincing when Kadota slammed the door in his face.

"We're very sorry," Walker apologized in everyone's name while he grabbed a struggling Erika from behind, pulled her into his lap and covered her mouth with his hand. "I'll make sure she stays quiet," he assured their guest.

Izaya had to admit that he quite liked the sight of a fuming Karisawa Erika trying to break free, so he agreed to be given a ride home if only to see the accursed fujoshi having a hard time because of him. If he was lucky enough, he might even come up with an idea to punish the woman for her disgusting words by the time they would stop in front of his apartment building.

"I've heard you're back to fighting Shizuo," Kadota commented to break the silence. "Well, it's not like you ever really stopped, but the place was quiet for a while, after you got hurt."

"Yes, I guess I'm back. I'm sure everyone is ecstatic," he said mockingly.

"At least Karisawa-san is," Walker laughed sheepishly.

Izaya actually snickered, and for some strange reason, he didn't really mind being in that van with the four of them, regardless of how much he wanted to carve the fujoshi's face for what happened that time when he ended up getting stabbed because of her. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a lot of things were the fujoshi's fault, including the kiss he'd been forced to give Shizuo. He would've never been captured that day by the men Ueda's brothers had sent if he wasn't having a panic attack as a result of running into Karisawa and hearing her speculate about his relationship with Shizuo. _Perhaps I should burn her manga stash,_ he thought evilly and he snickered, making the rest of the occupants wonder what he found so amusing. "Just something funny I remembered," he brushed off their questions with a flick of his hand.

.

As expected, Namie was still there by the time he got home, and he couldn't help but smile sheepishly when she squinted her eyes and glared at his arm as thought it'd somehow offended her.

"What have you done now?" she grumbled tiredly before she stood up from her chair behind the desk and went to retrieve the first aid kit.

Izaya gingerly took off the bloody jacket and the t-shirt and let them fall to the floor before he sat down on the couch. "Why does Namie-san always think that it's my fault whenever something bad happens?" he pouted and folded his arms across his chest, but he instantly regretted it when pain flared from the cut and he ended up hissing and cursing under his breath while slowly unfolding them.

Namie came back a few moments later, shaking her head disapprovingly and pushing the Othello board further towards the edge of the coffee table in order to make room for the first aid kit. "Because it usually is," she answered flatly and sat down as well, completely ignoring his offended look.

"Is it so hard to believe that sometimes I really am innocent?" he sighed, exasperated.

"You, innocent?" Namie snorted and roughly gripped the injured arm, making Izaya wince. "You're anything but innocent," she stated and then proceeded to unwrap the bloody bandage so that she could properly clean the wound.

"My life is so sad," Izaya cried in mock-hurt. "Not even my housewife trusts me."

"I'm not your housewife," Namie hissed between gritted teeth and violently pulled the bandage off the wound, making Izaya cry out in both pain and surprise. "I'm only here for the paychecks, and that's the only reason you're still alive," she informed him with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

A shudder of both delight and fear shook Izaya's body, and he'd never been more grateful that such a woman was one of his humans. "I guess I have no choice but to keep those paychecks coming," he said, amused, but he ended up drawing in a sharp breath when Namie poured some antiseptic on a piece of gauze and harshly rubbed it into the wound. "I'm never letting Namie-san take care of my injuries again," he hissed through clenched teeth and then glared at the woman when she simply shrugged.

"Tell me, Namie-san," he asked once his eyes drifted over to the Othello board and he leaned forward to pick up the Queen piece, Namie immediately scolding him for not staying still.

"Tell you what?" she eventually asked when Izaya seemed deep in thought as he kept gazing at the Chess piece instead of asking the question.

"How would you pick between two evils?"

"Can I pick neither?"

"No, you have to pick one," Izaya answered flatly.

"I would choose the one who'd benefit me more," she answered without hesitation.

Izaya couldn't help but cackle. There really was no wonder he got along so well with her. "What if neither brought you any benefits?" he then continued, smirking.

"The one less tedious."

Izaya burst into laughter, making Namie's task of bandaging his wound harder.

"Stop moving!" she snapped and tightened her grip around his arm until he stopped laughing and instead ended up grunting in pain. "Are you talking about yourself and Heiwajima Shizuo?" She immediately felt him tense, his shoulders rising and his expression morphing into one she couldn't read at all.

"What makes you think that?"

Namie shrugged. "Makes sense."

Staring blankly ahead, Izaya answered with an emotionless, "I see," before he wrenched his arm out of her hold and stood up. "Thank you for the help; you can go home now."

Namie stood up, went to retrieve her bag and then headed towards the door. "You might be tedious, but the benefits are high."

Izaya gazed at her retreating back until she disappeared behind the door, a small smile replacing his frown. "Really, Namie-san, even after all this time, you still manage to surprise me," he said out loud, but the smile was soon replaced by a sneer when his eyes fell upon the Queen piece in his hand.

"Tch!" Feeling pissed off again, he tossed the piece towards the coffee table, and when it slid down the shiny surface and then fell down on the floor, he simply shrugged and picked up his discarded jacket from where he fished his phone.

"Orihara Izaya here," he spoke in a business-like tone.

_"Ah, Orihara-san! Have you decided when you want it done?" the man on the other end asked in a honeyed voice._

"Wait a couple of days, and then mention it to him in passing, just like we've discussed."

_"Understood!"_

"Good," and with that he ended the call and placed the phone on his desk before moving towards the place where he kept Celty's head, a blood-thirsty smile splitting his face in two.

"Don't worry, Dullahan," he told Celty's head as he picked it up from the glass container and moved to his desk chair where he sat down, "I'm not going to hurt you. It's just an innocent little game, so don't hate me too much, ne?" he said before he lowered his arms and drew the head to his naked chest. "I'm still hoping to one day become your chosen warrior," he added right before he started humming an indecipherable song while he slowly swiveled in his chair and gently ran his fingers through Celty's hair.

.

After leaving the police station, Celty drove around Ikebukuro for a while to clear her thoughts. She felt heartbroken, and she didn't want Shinra to see her like that, especially when she knew how much he worried about her. Unfortunately, he immediately picked up on her mood the moment she arrived home and he got up from the couch to greet her.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, worry crossing his face.

[I've never felt so lost in a very long time,] Celty confessed, and Shinra immediately pulled her to his chest and awkwardly hugged her with one arm, his broken one stuck between them.

"What happened?" He proceeded to gently caress her back, the small tremors he felt beneath his fingers making him wonder if Izaya had done something to her. He didn't put it past the Informant, and the fact that he'd been the one to ask her to meet up with him made Izaya even more suspicious in Shinra's eyes. "What did he do?" he heard himself hiss, and when he realized that Celty's tremors only increased in intensity, he steered her towards the couch and sat her down with him.

After a few minutes of clinging to Shinra's shirt, she felt ready to answer, so she pulled away from his embrace and typed on her PDA. [Shizuo got arrested again.]

Shinra stiffened. "Did he... hurt Izaya?" he asked, even though he was afraid to hear the answer.

[Not more than Izaya hurt himself.]

"What does―" Before he could even finish asking the question though, Celty already had the answered typed out.

[It sounded to me like Izaya hurt himself to frame Shizuo for the attack, but I can't be sure.]

"You're not sure?" he asked in disbelief.

[They were too busy fighting each other to pay any attention to what I was saying.]

Sighing, Shinra fixed his glasses before he ran a hand through his hair in annoyance. "How did he hurt himself exactly?"

[There were bandages on his arm, and some blood soaking his jacket.]

"That idiot..." Shinra shook his head, drowning in worry, anger, frustration and irritation, all at the same time. "He probably has no one to take care of him," he then added, feeling the urge to get up and run to Izaya's aid. He didn't though, not when he could still clearly remember their last meeting. If he went to help him, Izaya would simply call him a hypocrite and kick him out, or worse, maybe even hurt him, or hurt Celty to get back at him. A terrifying realization lodged itself into his mind, and he nearly shuddered as he formulated the question. "If you say you saw Shizuo... then perhaps... you went inside a police station?"

Celty did shudder though, and her fingers shook horribly when she typed. [I had to see Shizuo.]

"What were you thinking?" Shinra nearly screeched, but he ended up swallowing his next words when he realized that he should be comforting his beloved Dullahan instead of scolding her. "Are you okay?" he asked hesitantly and placed a hand on her shoulder.

[I'm fine. I don't think Izaya would've called me there if he believed I was in danger.]

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," Shinra remarked bitterly. "You don't know him like I do. The more he cares about something or someone, the worse the destruction will be when things don't go his way."

[I believe Izaya's intention was to hurt Shizuo.]

Shinra forced a smile on his face in an attempt to hide the worry eating at him. He had a feeling that Izaya would seek retribution after he'd almost choked him to death, and what better way to punish his attacker than by hurting the woman Shinra loved more than anything in the world?

_"You were the only person I would've never hurt,"_ Izaya's words seared though his heart like a hot pike, and he had to all over again fight off the impulse to run to Shinjuku.

[I'm not sure what to think of Izaya anymore,] she confessed. [I... found out what he tried to do to Kasuka.]

Shinra cringed despite himself, especially after he'd tried his hardest to forget the events of that day ever happened. "The fact that he couldn't go through with it is one of the reasons why he's so broken up about it."

With the last piece of the puzzle finally in place, Celty was finally starting to understand why Izaya was having such a hard time. The Informant was the type of person to deal a swift and devastating punishment to anyone who crossed him, but after failing to do the same with Shizuo, Izaya now found himself tearing into the man like an angry animal doing it out of pure spite. If he wanted Shizuo dead, he would've killed him already, but the blond was still very much alive, which meant that Izaya had no intention of going that far. [I've realized something today.]

"Hmm?"

[We can't help them.]

Frowning, Shinra tilted his head to the side and watched her curiously, wondering what she meant by that. She was taking her time writing out the words, so he waited, watching her type and erase several times before finally sharing her thoughts.

[I told them to never look for me again.]

"You can't be serious!" Shinra's eyes widened in disbelief.

[You can't help those who don't want to be helped. As things are, Izaya is using us to hurt Shizuo, while Shizuo is trying to chase me away by acting like a monster.]

"He _is_ a monster," Shinra hissed between clenched teeth.

[Yes, he is,] Celty agreed. [Both are monsters.] It was something she came to realize while she was watching them fight back at the police station.

Shinra opened his mouth to argue that Izaya wasn't one, but he couldn't do it, not when he knew just how twisted the Informant was. "But what Shizuo did is just sick―" he tried to at least defend the man, but he couldn't finish the sentence after reading the words on the PDA.

[You and I are monsters too.]

Most people would've felt offended by that statement, but Shinra was more worried that she would call herself a monster than by being called one. "Celty darling, you are not a monster," he tried to assure her while raising a hand to pull her into a hug.

Celty shook her helmet and gently pushed away his hand. [We are all monsters in our own way.]

"We are, aren't we?" Shinra knew that he himself was one, at least to everyone else, but he never really saw anything wrong with being who he was, and even though Celty had tried to change him, she still loved him―or so he liked to believe―just the way he was.

[It's one of the reasons the four of us gravitate towards one another.]

"I guess that our dysfunctional relationship is quite unique," Shinra sighed softly, "but I still don't understand why you'd tell them to never look for you again. Without us to serve as a deterrent, they will completely destroy each other."

[I don't think so, even though I can't be one-hundred percent sure.]

"I don't understand."

[I found Izaya in front of our apartment building a few days ago, just sitting there on the sidewalk's curb, curled into a tight ball and looking miserable.]

Shinra didn't even know he was gaping until Celty gently tapped his chin. He felt flustered for a second, but he pushed that aside and focused on the problem at hand. He'd known that Izaya was broken and lonely, but he had no idea it was that bad. "I need to see him," he rushed to tell her, but when he tried to get up, Celty placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down.

[Wait, please. Before you decide to go to him, at least listen to what I have to say first.]

"Anything for my darling," Shinra said sweetly.

[Thank you.]

Shinra smiled, even though on the inside he was worried to death.

[Izaya is too proud to admit that he needs help, and Shizuo despises himself too much to ask for it because he doesn't believe he deserves it.]

"The only thing Shizuo deserves is a slow, painful death," Shinra snarled, his blood boiling at the simple mention of that name.

Even though a part of her _felt_ the instinct to defend Shizuo, she mercilessly squashed it down because she needed to be objective ― or as close as she could get to something as unattainable as true objectivity. [There was a time when I believed that Izaya deserved a slow, painful death for trying to get Shizuo killed.]

"But that's different!" Shinra argued.

[Yes, but even so, Izaya is no less of a monster now than he was before.]

"Tch! He might not be a good person, but at least he saved Kasuka instead of going through with his plan." It was not easy to fold his arms across his chest while one of them was broken, but Shinra still managed to do it anyway.

[Exactly! Izaya is not as bad as I thought he was, and Shizuo is not as good as I thought he was, but both were or are our friends, and it feels wrong to run away from this, no matter how much we want to do it.]

Shinra frowned. "You're the one who told them to never look for you again."

[Humans don't seem to realize how precious something is until they've lost it. Izaya takes you for granted, but that will soon change.]

[As for Shizuo, he wants me to stay away from him, so I will grant him his wish. After what he did, I find it hard to even look at him. Besides, I need some time to reflect on my own feelings.]

Shinra inclined his head, looking pensive, until the wheels in his brain started to turn. "So you're saying that we need to ignore Izaya and let him come to us?"

[Yes.]

"I don't know... it seems risky. He's simply too proud to admit that he needs help."

[I wouldn't be too sure about that.]

"It's more likely that the two of them will kill each other before that happens."

[I don't think they will go that far. If they really wanted to kill each other, they would've done it by now.] Celty really believed that, but there was one more thing she needed to tell Shinra. [To be honest, I sometimes really want to run away, because dealing with it is much harder than pretending the problem doesn't exist.]

Shinra unfolded his arms and gently rubbed her shoulder. "I know, me too."

[I feel like a horrible person for wanting it. A part of me meant those words,] Celty confessed, and her shoulder sagged under the weight of her guilt.

The sight of his beloved looking so sad hurt him deeply, and he sighed loudly before pulling her into a hug, this time refusing to let her go even after she started struggling in his hold. "We'll try it your way for a while, but if things end up taking a really bad turn, we're going to have to step in and put an end to it, one way or another."

With a nod of her helmet, Celty nestled into his arms and hoped that she hadn't just made the biggest mistake of her life.

"Be careful what you wish for, huh?" Shinra mused out loud.


	43. Master of Puppets

**Chapter 43: Master of Puppets**

.

Even though it was past midnight, Izaya was still wide awake. It was one of those nights when the impulse to murder Shizuo was so overwhelming that he could hardly breathe, and it took everything in his power to not go out and stab the beast in the heart... over, and over, and over again, until he'd bathe in its blood. His breath was coming out ragged as he nearly stumbled to his desk, and the moment he sat down in the chair, he tightly gripped the armrest with one hand and clawed at his throat with the other. It was suffocating, this feeling, and as he rotated the chair towards the window to view the city bellow, he saw himself in the reflection and his heart nearly stopped. He looked feral... the murderous stare, the trembling in his hands as he held himself back, the dangerous snarl, they were all signs that he was losing himself to the hatred incinerating him from deep within. He was letting his emotions get the best of him, and that wasn't the Orihara Izaya he was supposed to be. Slowly, he pulled back the fingers from around his throat and placed his hand on the armrest, only then realizing just how badly his injured arm hurt.

Such episodes didn't happen often, because he was usually very good at controlling his emotions, but once on a while, something would trigger one, and it was during such moments that he was really hating the man he had become. Earlier, he'd been flipping through the channels when he came upon a movie in which a man was dragging a woman deep into a dark alley. It wasn't that hard to guess what would happen next, and even though a voice in the back of his head told him to change the channel, his finger froze above the remote control's _Next_ button. Besides showing the woman's breasts, the scene wasn't that graphic, but the man's disgusting grunts and moans reminded him of the Shizuo from that night. What really got to him though were the woman's eyes, and the tears sliding down her cheeks before stopping as they hit the man's hand clamped over her mouth. He realized that he must've looked like that too, and the idea of Orihara Izaya looking like _that_ made him see red.

It took him a good ten or so minutes to calm down afterwards. He wouldn't have been able to kill the monster inside the police station even if he wanted, and besides, a dead Shizuo wouldn't have that ridiculous expression of guilt on his face. A malevolent smile spread across his face and he turned to the desk to pick up the phone. It was the middle of the night, but he didn't really care about that. He could've called in the evening, but he liked the idea of waking up Kasuka with bad news. The phone rang a few times before the man finally answered with an almost imperceptible irritation in his voice.

_"How did you get this number?"_

"Are you seriously asking me that question?" Izaya inquired before he let out a chuckle. There was silence for a few moments, before Kasuka's voice was heard again, but this time it was in his usual flat tone.

_"Did something happen?"_

"You could say that..."

_"Did my brother... do something?"_ Kasuka hesitantly asked.

"He's been arrested," Izaya chirped, sounding way too cheerful.

_"On what charges?"_

"You know where I live. Come by _tomorrow at noon,_ otherwise your brother will end up in prison for a very long time," Izaya threatened, but his tone was more playful than anything else.

He did laugh though when Kasuka ended the call without another word; he had no doubts that the younger Heiwajima would rush back to Tokyo to save his precious brother from big bad Orihara Izaya.

.

When he heard a knock on the door at exactly noon, Izaya had a hard time refraining from laughing out loud. He'd been wondering if Kasuka would be able to hold on for that long, especially when the monster's freedom was at stake, but apparently the freak understood Izaya's message, which was to be there at that specific time or don't bother coming at all. He was so anxious to mess with Kasuka that he nearly bounced to the door, and even though he knew that the freak would be able to read the obnoxious smirk he most likely had on his face, it didn't really bother him. His smirk grew when they came face to face, and even though the younger Heiwajima might've looked calm to anyone else, Izaya knew that couldn't be the case.

Kasuka didn't waste any time with small talk and instead walked in. "What happened?" he immediately inquired at the same time that he placed a plastic bag on the coffee table.

"Ne, ne, Kasu-_chan,_ what's in the bag?" Izaya chirped, his eyes glued to the only other foreign object in his apartment.

"The clothes you so _graciously_ lent me before. I haven't had an opportunity to give them back until now."

Izaya smirk fell and a shudder went up his spine at the thought of that coat being back in his house. He'd given it to Kasuka in the hope of never having to see it again, and now that thing was back to haunt him like the bad memory that it was. "You really didn't have to," he tried with a smile on his face, but he was certain that it must've looked forced. "I gave them to you after all."

"I don't need nor want anything from you," Kasuka said coldly. "I'm only here about my brother."

"I see, I see," Izaya said, his forced smile falling as well and leaving behind a frown. "Of course Kasu-chan only cares what happens to his precious nii-san, regardless of how much of a monster said nii-san is."

"If I didn't know him as well as I do, I'd probably agree with you," Kasuka admitted.

"But?" Izaya inquired with a sigh.

"I'm not ready to give up on him just yet."

"Then what will it take for you to give up on him?"

Kasuka looked him straight in the eyes as he gave his answer. "I don't know."

"Hn."

"Stop wasting my time and tell me what happened," Kasuka spoke with a calmness that he didn't exactly possess, but at least it didn't look like it was something too bad, because the Informant seemed to still be in one piece.

The corners of Izaya's lips quirked upwards, and he couldn't help but chuckle as he recalled Shizuo's surprised expression when the protozoan noticed the bloody switchblade in his hand. "I set your brother up," Izaya bubbled, and he let all the satisfaction he felt at having tricked the brute seep into his voice.

After a torturous long night, Kasuka felt himself relax; it was as though he could finally breathe. He didn't like to admit, but he didn't trust Shizuo to control his temper, not after what his brother had done to the Informant standing a few feet away from him. One of the reasons he'd disappeared and stopped answering Shizuo's calls was to not give the two archenemies more reasons to fight about, but it looked like even after removing himself from the picture, the two still clashed just like before. "I see," Kasuka finally said with a blank expression on his face.

"Are you mad, hmm? Do you perhaps want to hurt me for setting him up? Though I must warn you, I'm not injured anymore, so I can take you on now," Izaya said just as he slipped a hand into the right pocket of his pants where he kept his switchblade.

"Orihara-san, no, _Izaya,_ that was self-defense, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't treat me like I'm some sort of criminal. Must I remind you who was the one threatening the other with a knife?" Regardless of how much he didn't want to fight, Kasuka was ready to take on the Informant if need be. He would never allow himself to get captured again, especially after what almost happened the last time he'd been so careless around the man.

Izaya tried to shrug in a carefree manner, but he knew that he must've still looked tense. "Can you blame me, after the things you said?"

"Can you blame me, after what you tried doing to me?"

"Ah, I see," Izaya said at the same time that he unwrapped his fingers from around the switchblade and pulled his hand out of the pocket. "Shizu-chan might've been right after all," he mused and motioned for Kasuka to sit down while he took a seat on the other couch.

"What are you talking about?" Kasuka didn't want to spend another second in Izaya's presence, but he knew he had no choice but to play the man's game if he wanted to get Shizuo out, so he reluctantly sat down and waited for the Informant to answer his question.

"Nothing, nothing," Izaya said absentmindedly before he managed to tear his eyes away from the plastic bag. "Anyway, let's not waste any more time than we already have. You want your precious nii-san to be released, and I can make that happen, for a small price of course." He could almost sense the dread coming from the younger Heiwajima, and he couldn't help but wonder what sort of wild scenarios were going through that seemingly emotionless head.

"What price?" Kasuka asked, and he immediately realized with some surprise just how shaken his voice had sounded, at least when compared to how he normally spoke, although he doubted that many would've noticed if they weren't a diabolic Informant going by the name of Orihara Izaya.

Izaya's grin almost split his face in two, and he made sure to watch the other's every reaction as he spoke his next words. "Get down on your knees and blow me," he said just as he pointed to his crotch area. As expected, Kasuka looked appalled, the biggest giveaway being the nose scrunched up in disgust and the slightly widened eyes, those usually almost empty-like orbs now appearing to be filled with emotions that perhaps not even their usually numb owner could fully understand.

"No," came Kasuka's reply once he'd calmed down enough to at least be able to speak without sounding anything but his usual self. "I can't, no, I won't do that."

"I see... so this is what it takes for you to finally abandon him. I guess that you might really be nothing more than an emotionless freak after all," Izaya said, his voice sounding completely malicious and satisfied at the same time, as though he'd been expecting such an answer from the start. "Your beloved nii-san... no, perhaps not so beloved after all, would gladly die for you, and yet you can't do something as simple as give his archenemy a blowjob to get him out of jail. Kasu-chan, you're such a terrible brother!"

Kasuka was certain that accepting such an offer would be a mistake. Disgust aside, there were a thousand other reasons why he'd refused, and one of them was above all else. "Shizuo would never forgive himself if I were to do such a thing for his sake. You really don't know my brother after all, because if you did, you'd know that he'd rather rot in jail if that was what it took to stop me from degrading myself in such a manner," Kasuka revealed the reason behind his refusal, hoping that the Informant would no longer bother him with such an offer. He expected the man to get angry at him, but instead Izaya burst into laughter, almost taking Kasuka by surprise.

"Ahh ha ha ha!" That was so funny, Kasu-chan, you should've seen your face just now! Ahh ha ha ha!" He was laughing so hard that his side hurt, and it took a full minute before he finally calmed down. "Phew, your reaction was hilarious. Thank you for the good laugh!" Izaya chirped happily. Kasuka wasn't saying anything, so he continued. "It was just a joke. A j-o-k-e. Ah, really, I can't believe you actually took my words seriously," he mused, and then his expression turned serious again. "Even if you're a monster that I could never love, I still wouldn't make you do such a thing. That's why I keep saying your brother is the real monster here, but you don't seem to believe me." Some bitterness seeped into his words as he spoke, but it didn't really bother him as much as he thought it would. "I've come to realize something after my failed attempt at revenge. Do you know what that is?"

"No," came Kasuka's simple answer.

"There are some things that not even I, Orihara Izaya, can do. Now, knowing that, I've also realized one more thing." This time, Izaya got up from the couch and sat down next to Kasuka before he placed his hand on the other man's shoulder. When Kasuka didn't pull away, he continued. "The best place to be is outside the mosquito net. Mosquitos outside the net cannot sting the humans or the monsters inside it directly, but they can do some annoying sounds when they flutter their wings. Slowly, but persistently, until they drive the creatures inside it crazy. You see, I'm best at playing games, and you, Heiwajima Kasuka, are going to help me play a rather cruel game on Shizu-chan."

"I'm not going to help you hurt my brother," Kasuka said, still not trying to tear away from the other man's hold.

"You will," Izaya assured him, "unless you really do want him to end up in prison."

Kasuka wasn't one to get scared easily, but something about Orihara Izaya always made him feel like he was dealing with an extremely poisonous snake. He knew that he had to thread carefully, least he wanted Shizuo to really get hurt by a man who seemed to despise him more than anything else in the world.

"I knew you'd see it my way~!" Izaya sang when Kasuka remained silent. "Unlike your brother, you're not just a dumb brute. Oh, no, you're so much more!" The smirk grew wider and he tightened his hold on Kasuka's shoulder, but not hard enough to hurt him. "I told Shizu-chan that something really bad happened to you as you two grew up, and that it was his fault." As expected, Kasuka's eyes widened fractionally, and Izaya couldn't help but cackle at the sight. "Don't worry, I haven't told him that you were the neighborhood's punching bag because of him, but that's the beauty of my plan!" Izaya beamed and then snickered maliciously. "Your brother is going to torture himself by imagining the worst scenarios, and you're not going to tell him a thing! I'll know if you do." Kasuka seemed to be deep in thought, so Izaya continued in the hope of convincing the freak to play his game. "You owe me at least this much."

"I don't owe you anything," Kasuka stated calmly.

"Oh, but you do," Izaya hissed just as he raised his other hand to cup Kasuka's cheek. "After all, I killed one of my precious humans for you. You turned me into a murderer, Ka-su-ka-kun."

"You wouldn't have had to kill that man if you hadn't kidnapped me to begin with," Kasuka tried to defend himself, and he nearly ended up shivering when the man's cold ring touched his face.

Izaya snorted. "I wouldn't have kidnapped you to begin with if your monster of a brother hadn't almost fucked me to death."

Kasuka had no reply to that, so he chose to remain silent.

"That's what I thought. As I was saying, you won't tell your brother anything, no matter how much Shizuo cries and begs for the truth. You _owe_ me at least this much after I saved you from Slon." He knew that his words might not be enough, so he continued in order to drive the point home. "You now know how it feels like to have your clothes ripped off by another man," he said and slowly ran his hand down Kasuka's neck and shoulder until he reached the material of the jacket and he roughly yanked it off, "and then have that man force you face down on the dirty ground..." Instead of doing that though, he moved the hand resting on Kasuka's shoulder and grabbed the freak by the nape before he leaned in closer until his lips were nearly touching the other's ear. "What you don't know is how it feels like to be torn apart, to bleed and cry and scream as another man rams into you, over and over again, for what feels like an eternity. Can you guess what happens after a while?" he asked in a shaky voice, his own words making him sick to his stomach. "You start hoping that he'd finish soon, even though the thought of having such a monster come inside you disgusts you. That's how much it _hurts."_ Letting go of the jacket, he placed a hand on Kasuka's thigh before continuing. "I'm nowhere near as cruel as Shizu-chan though. I wouldn't have left you there alone. I would've taken care of you afterwards, because I _know_ just how painful it is." Pulling back a bit, Izaya moved the hand resting on Kasuka's neck and captured the man's jaw so that he could force him to meet his gaze. "So next time you even think of telling me that you don't owe me anything, remember one thing: _that day, your thighs could've been stained red as well,"_ he uttered just as he forced his hand between Kasuka's legs, finally earning the shudder he'd been hoping for.

Kasuka pushed Izaya away and moved to get up, another shudder passing through his body when Izaya's hand dragged over his thigh before he finally got away from the Informant.

"Before you make your decision, let me add just one more thing," Izaya said and got up as well, a nasty smile now adorning his face. "I can set up Shizu-chan for much heavier crimes. I can even pin a murder on him if I so choose. Don't underestimate me, Kasu-chan, because you will come to regret it."

Kasuka pulled up his jacket and zipped it up before turning his attention back to Izaya. "It seems I have no choice in this matter."

"Sooo happy to hear that~! Oh, and one more thing. You can't tell Shizu-chan that I'm the one prohibiting you from revealing what really happened," he added before he glared at the bag and picked it up. "I'll be right back," he then muttered before he went up the stairs, heading straight for the bathroom. Once inside, he dropped the plastic bag in the corner and rushed to the sink where he turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face. It hadn't been easy to say all those disturbing things to Kasuka, but in the end, it was worth the mental anguish if it got him what he wanted. Using the towel, he dried his face before he fished out the phone from his pocket and typed a message. Not even half a minute later, he received one back, but he ended up glaring at it and then shoving the device back into his pocket because he didn't like what he'd read.

"Tch, why are you even surprised?" he asked his reflection in the mirror. "You knew they'd do this." Sighing loudly, he turned on his heels and headed downstairs where the monster's brother was still waiting for him.

"Can we go now?"

"Not yet," Izaya answered in an irritated voice as he sat down at his desk.

"You said―"

"I know what I said. We will go soon, but first I need to take care of some things," Izaya announced in a tone that left no room for argument. "Please, sit down in the meantime. I'd hate to be called a bad host by a star such as yourself," the Informant spoke mockingly, and then shrugged when Kasuka ignored him and continued to stand. "Suit yourself."

Kasuka kept staring at the door for a long time, waiting for the Informant to be done with whatever he was doing so that the two of them could make their way to the police station. He had a feeling that Izaya had simply said he had something to do because he wanted to play with him some more, although he could never be sure about anything when it came to that man. He was also a bit worried about how Shizuo might react when he saw him, especially after ignoring his calls for such a long period of time. What he dreaded though was the fight he'd surely have afterwards as a result of Izaya's schemes.

If there was one thing of which he was certain in his life, it was that he cared about Shizuo, regardless of what his sibling had done. One of the reasons he'd always stayed calm in Shizuo's presence was to not provoke him, because he knew that his brother would blame himself afterwards if he were to hurt him. For someone as emotionless as Kasuka, to stop caring about Shizuo was to give up a part of himself, and he had no desire to do such a thing, especially when he knew that the only thing awaiting would be loneliness. People knew Hanejima Yuuhei, but only Shizuo knew the real Heiwajima Kasuka. Not even his parents understood him as well as Shizou did. Sometimes, he thought his older brother knew him better than he knew himself, and even though it was a rather disturbing thought, it was also comforting.

About ten minutes later, he heard someone press the door's handle, and he wondered who would dare to simply try to enter Izaya's apartment like it was their home.

"They're here!" Izaya said happily before he got up and headed towards the door. "Don't hate me too much, ne?" he told Kasuka just as he opened the door and let his sisters in, the two girls pushing him out of the way and running towards their favorite actor Hanejima Yuuhei before Izaya even had a chance to say a word.

"Yuuhei-san, I can't believe you're here!" Mairu almost squealed and grabbed Kasuka's arm while Kururi gently tugged at the sleeve of his jacket. "I can't believe Iza-nii is the one who made this happen. We'd always thought that Shizuo-san would introduce us. I'm so happy!"

"Happy," Kururi spoke softly, a small smile adorning her face.

"Now you no longer have to push me in front of a truck so that you could meet Yuuhei-kun. Unlike Shizu-chan, I'm doing this for free!" Izaya chirped and closed the door before he headed in their direction. "Isn't your brother the best?"

"Iza-nii, best," Kururi said and gave him a big smile before she lowered her head and tugged harder on Kasuka's sleeve.

"Mhmm," Mairu said absentmindedly, her eyes glued to Yuuhei's beautiful face. "Yuuhei-san is even prettier than he looks in the movies."

Kasuka was so surprised by the sudden meeting that he didn't even know what to say, and he was finding it hard to believe that such adorable-looking girls could be Izaya's sisters. It also bothered him a bit that Shizuo would tell them to kill Izaya for a meeting with him, but he pushed those thoughts aside for the moment so that he could deal with the two girls.

"Thank you very much. What's your name?" he asked and smiled brightly, the same way he did whenever he was Hanejima Yuuhei and not Heiwajima Kasuka.

"I'm Mairu!"

"Kururi," the other twin said, and it surprised Izaya that even his usually shy and soft-spoken sister seemed eager to talk to the emotionless freak.

"It's my pleasure to meet such beautiful, young ladies."

Izaya had to admit that Kasuka was a damn good actor, and he barely stopped himself from roaring with laughter because he knew just how emotionless and _not_ nice the freak really was.

"Hey... wait a second. How did Iza-nii get you to come here?" Mairu asked while giving her brother a suspicious look. "Did he threaten or blackmail you with something?"

Kasuka laughed. "No, no, of course not. Your nii-san is going to help me out with something, that's all," he assured her.

Izaya raised a hand and placed it above his heart. "Oh, Mairu, I'm deeply hurt by your distrust. You nii-san just did something nice for you. The least you could do is be grateful for making your dream of meeting Yuuhei-kun come true."

Mairu glowered at him for a few more moments before she turned her attention back to her beloved Yuuhei. "What does Yuuhei-san need help with?"

"Kururi will help!" the older twin promised.

"Shizuo got himself into trouble again, so your nii-san is going to help me with that."

This time, both Mairu and Kururi gave Izaya a suspicious look. "But Iza-nii hates Shizuo-san..."

"Indeed I do," Izaya admitted, "but I knew how much you two wanted to meet Yuuhei-kun, so I promised to help him if he promised to go out on a date with the both of you." Kasuka barely managed to hide his surprise, and Izaya couldn't help but cackle at the hilarity of it all.

"Date," Kururi said softly while Mairu nearly squealed again.

"That, however, will have to wait, because right now, Yuuhei-kun and I are going to help Shizu-chan. Right, Yuuhei-kun?"

"Yes."

Immediately, Mairu's enthusiasm seemed to have flown out the window, and she looked like she was about to cry. "What about the date?"

Izaya placed a hand on his sister's head and ruffled her hair. "You'll have to arrange that with Yuuhei-kun. I'm sure he can take a few hours off from work, no matter how busy his schedule is. Right, Yuuhei-kun?"

"No problem, I'll find time," Kasuka assured the twins, finally realizing what a devil Orihara Izaya really was. He'd most certainly underestimated the man.

"Iza-nii is the best!" Mairu chirped enthusiastically, for the moment forgetting how the three of them weren't exactly the closest siblings. Kururi nodded in agreement with her sister.

"Of course I'm the best," Izaya said smugly as he folded his arms across his chest, enjoying Kasuka's discomfort at the whole situation. "Anyway, we really have to leave now, so you two go home and we'll talk later, all right?"

The twins reluctantly released Kasuka and made their way towards the door. "Don't forget our date, Yuuhei-san," Mairu reminded him, her tone making Kasuka think there was an _"or else,"_ there at the end.

"I won't," he promised with a wave of his hand and a bright smile which he kept until the door finally closed behind the twins. The second they were out the door, he was back to being Heiwajima Kasuka. "You really are a devil, Orihara Izaya."

"You don't know the half of it," Izaya said with a chuckle before he put on the jacket and went to grab his keys and the phone. For once, he was looking forward to seeing the beast.


	44. All Within My Hands

**Chapter 44: All Within My Hands**

.

Riding in the same car as Orihara Izaya was not something Kasuka thought he would one day be doing, but since he didn't want to attract any attention, he'd decided that it was best to use his own car to get to the station. He made a mental note to remember to pull the jacket's hood over his head, and he also hoped that the officers there were not his fans. The last thing he needed was for the press to find out that Hanejima Yuuhei's brother had been arrested.

"Does Shizu-chan know how to drive?" Izaya asked from where he was sitting in the passenger's seat.

"No," Kasuka answered coldly as he sped up so that the two of them would arrive there faster, get Shizuo out, and then go their separate ways.

"I can't say I'm surprised. Can you imagine Shizu-chan in traffic?" Izaya mused as he pictured the beast tearing out the steering wheel, getting out of the car, and then destroying everything and everyone around him in a fit of blind rage. He couldn't help but chuckle at the image his mind had conjured, and he had to admit that regardless of his hatred for the man, the two of them had had a few amusing encounters over the years.

Seeing how Kasuka was ignoring him, Izaya sighed loudly and rested his chin on his palm as his eyes roamed over his beloved city. His humans were buzzing around, every one of them fascinating in their own way. He was starting to miss them. His thoughts were so filled by revenge that he didn't have much time to think about them, and he really couldn't wait for the day when he would be able to put everything behind him and go back to observing his precious humans. He only hoped that such a day was not very far; he didn't know how much longer he could take this game he was playing with the beast.

"It's easier now that the bruises are gone and that your wrist has healed, isn't it?" he asked as he glanced at the seemingly emotionless freak out of the corner of his eye. The younger Heiwajima continued to ignore him though, so Izaya gave up on trying having a conversation and instead went back to looking out the window the rest of the way there.

"It would be best if my brother didn't see you," Kasuka said once the two of them got out of the car and made their way towards the building.

Izaya pondered the request for a bit before nodding. Shizuo didn't need to know about his deal with Kasuka. What he needed was for Shizuo's rage to be focused on Kasuka instead of Izaya himself. Besides, he had to make sure that his plan would work flawlessly, so taking a step back seemed like the wise thing to do. And wouldn't it be funny if Shizuo ended up hurting his precious little brother in a fit of rage?

He had no time to dwell on such thoughts though, so instead he pushed them to the back of his mind and focused on the matter at hand, which was to get Ikebukuro's beast out of jail. The man he'd talked to on the phone the night before was not inside the station, and Izaya couldn't help but frown and wonder where the guy had went. It would be much harder to get the beast out if the man he had in his pocket wasn't there to lend a hand. Turning towards Kasuka, he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him towards a corner. "The man I know seems to be away, so stay here until I give him a call." Kasuka nodded, and Izaya put some distance between them so that he could talk in peace. Dialing the number with an annoyed expression on his face, he impatiently waited for the man to pick up.

_"Orihara-san, is there something I can help you with?"_ the man on the other end asked the moment he answered the phone.

"Why aren't you at the station, Iwasaki? I need you here to get Heiwajima out," Izaya stated in a calm voice, even though on the inside he was more than a little bit annoyed.

The man laughed awkwardly before he coughed and proceeded to give an explanation. _"There was a big fight a few streets away from the station, so our Captain sent us to stop it and arrest everyone involved. We've just finished cuffing the troublemakers, so I'll be making my way back in a moment."_

"I'll be waiting," Izaya told him before he ended the call, slipped the phone back into his jacket's pocket and went back to Kasuka. "He'll be here soon, and then we can get Shizu-chan out. I suggest you keep your head down," he told the beast's brother when he saw someone giving the brunet a strange look.

Kasuka immediately lowered his head and pulled the hood higher over his head while Izaya moved to stand between him and the person trying to get a better look at his face. "I believe she left," Kasuka said a few minutes later when he could no longer see the woman.

Izaya rotated his head and looked around before turning back to Kasuka. "That's good. As much as I'd love to see the press all over this, I'd prefer Shizuo's focus to only be on you."

"You really are obsessed with my brother, aren't you?" Kasuka asked in a monotone voice, but he ended up letting out a pained grunt when Izaya fisted a hand into his jacket and violently shoved him into the wall, his head colliding with the hard surface.

_"Obsessed?!" _Izaya snarled and gripped Kasuka's jaw with his other hand. It wasn't like him to act in such a manner, especially inside a police station where people could see them, even if they were somewhat out of sight, but Kasuka's remark had made him lose his temper. "I dare you to say that again," he spoke through gritted teeth as he tightened his grip on the other man's jaw.

Finally, Kasuka wrapped cold fingers around Izaya's wrist and pulled away the man's hand with startling strength. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth. You've been pestering my brother since high school, and even though I understand why you're doing it now, it doesn't change the fact that you've been obsessed with him for years."

Izaya saw red, and as he was about to raise his fist to punch Kasuka in the face, he heard someone's voice coming from somewhere behind him.

"Can I help you with something? Or are you waiting for someone?" asked a young female officer carrying a big stack of files.

Izaya froze for a moment before he put on a cheerful mask and turned around. "We're fine. We're just waiting for an acquaintance. Thank you for asking though."

"I see," the woman said and smiled sweetly. "Sorry to have bothered you."

"You did no such thing!" Izaya tried to reassure her as he made his way towards her. "I see you're having trouble with those, so allow me to help," he offered in a tone just as sweetly.

"It's fine!" the woman was quick the answer. "It's not that I don't appreciate the help, but these files are confidential, so I can't even allow someone else to carry them for me. I hope you understand. Now, if you'll excuse me," she said and inclined her head before walking away.

Izaya's smile fell the instant she turned around, and he quickly spun on his heels and nearly stomped back to Kasuka who looked as though he couldn't care less that he'd nearly gotten punched in that pretty face of his.

"You're a very good liar," Kasuka remarked.

Izaya had to shove his hands into the pockets of his jacket so that he wouldn't be tempted to really punch Kasuka. "Why thank you," he replied, but his smile was anything but friendly.

"Have you considered a career in acting?"

After a few moments of silence, Izaya chuckled darkly and shrugged. "I very much prefer to be the man behind the curtain, not the one on the stage. Besides, I know what you were trying to do earlier." When Kasuka remained silent, Izaya continued. "You were hoping I'd hit you so that I would get arrested. You think you can get Shizu-chan out of here by yourself."

"No."

"No?" Izaya's eyes narrowed infinitesimally. "Then what were you trying to do?"

"It was nothing more than a simple observation."

Izaya shot him a disbelieving look before he shook his head and moved closer to the entrance. Being in such close proximity to Kasuka was dangerous, both for himself and for the freak. Luckily, Iwasaki arrived at the station no more than a few minutes later, but then everything turned chaotic when the troublemakers were brought in. "Iwasaki-san," Izaya called, adding the honorific at the end so as to not seem impolite in front of the man's colleagues.

"Ah, Orihara-san, I'll be with you in a moment," he promised just as he grabbed one of the men they had brought in and pushed him down the hallway towards the holding cells.

_That's not good,_ Izaya thought when he realized that Shizuo might snap with so many idiots looking for trouble. He had to hurry and get him out before it was too late. He was about to go back to Kasuka when Iwasaki came out and headed his way.

"The blond guy looked very pissed just now," the man commented, frowning.

"Which is why we have to get him out right now," Izaya urged him. "I won't press charges against him."

Iwasaki folded his arms in front of his chest, a pensive look on his face. "The problem is that we all saw him attacking you, which means that you don't have to press charges for him to be prosecuted."

Izaya bit his lower lip in irritation. "What if it was a misunderstanding?"

Iwasaki frowned as he gave the idea some thought. "Well, that might work. The guy, what's his name... ah, yeah, Heiwajima, hasn't caused any troubles in here, so the Captain might let him go if you come with me and declare in writing that it was all a misunderstanding and that he wasn't the one who attacked you. With the chaos here at the station, the Captain will surely want to get rid of as many people as possible."

"Sounds good. Let's go."

"Just give me a few minutes so that I can talk to him first. I'll call you when it's time," Iwasaki said before he turned around and made his way towards the Captain's office.

Despite how much he didn't feel like talking to Kasuka at that moment, Izaya had no choice but to go and reassure him that he would get his monstrous brother out of that cell.

"What did the man say?" Kasuka inquired when Izaya approached him. "When will my brother be released?"

"It won't be long now."

Kasuka was a bit skeptical, but he would wait and see if Izaya could get Shizuo out before taking matters into his own hands. They both stayed silent after that, and they didn't talk again until after the man called Iwasaki came back and told Izaya to follow him. Kasuka was hoping to go in there as well, but he had no choice but to stay put. Unfortunately, he was worried that Shizuo might lose it, and the last thing he wanted was for his brother to really end up killing someone. Shizuo was most likely pissed for being set up again, and Kasuka felt like smacking the idiot for falling into Izaya's trap again. What was with those two anyway? From the moment they had met, their lives seemed to revolve around one another, and not in a good way. Shaking his head, he sighed softly and folded his arms in front of his chest while he waited for Izaya, making himself as small as possible and hoping that no one would recognize him. His carrier wasn't what he was worried about, but he didn't want their parents to have to be told yet again that Shizuo had been arrested. There was only so much their poor mother could take. Shizuo was under this wrong impression that their parents didn't love him much because of all the troubles he'd caused over the years, but Kasuka knew that wasn't the case. Shizuo was the one who had distanced himself from his family, not the other way around.

"It's done," said a smug-looking Izaya, almost startling Kasuka who seemed deep in thought. "Iwasaki went to bring him out, so I'll be taking my leave now," he informed him, smirking nastily. "Have fu~un!" he sang with a wave of his hand before he turned around and walked out the door, chuckling.

Kasuka remained quiet, his eyes fixed on the hallway leading to the holding cells. A few minutes later, Shizuo came out, looking all pissed, like he was one step away from murdering someone, but his expression softened the moment their eyes met.

"You're back!" Shizuo exclaimed, sounding happy. Before Kasuka could even say a word, Shizuo took him into a tight hug. "I've missed you," he told his little brother before he pulled away.

"I've missed you too, nii-san," Kasuka said softly as he placed his hand on Shizuo's shoulder and steered him towards the door. "We need to get out of here before someone recognizes me."

"Oh..." was the only thing Shizuo said before he followed Kasuka to the parking lot and they both got into the car. "It's good to have you back," he said as he ruffled Kasuka's hair, his younger brother letting out a sound of protest and pushing the hand away before staring the car and driving away from the police station.

"I'll take you home," Kasuka informed him as he took a left towards Shizuo's apartment.

"Sounds good," the blond said, still smiling. After the shitty day he had, he was glad to finally get a break from all the bad stuff going on in his life. "Say, how did you get me out?" he asked out of curiosity. He'd been certain that he would end up in prison, especially when Izaya had been the one to set the whole thing up.

"I have my ways," Kasuka answered calmly and hoped that Shizuo wouldn't ask more questions.

Shizuo gave him a skeptical look. "What does that even mean?"

"Nii-san, you're out, and that's all that matters. Please don't ask any more questions."

"Tch!" Folding his arms in front of his chest, Shizuo sighed loudly but decided to keep his mouth shut until at least they got to his apartment. Besides, they had a lot of things to talk about, like why he'd ignored his calls for such a long period of time.

Kasuka was just glad that the two of them weren't fighting. That aside, riding in the car with Shizuo was much better than riding with Izaya. Regardless of how broken the Informant was, the man was just as dangerous as before, if not more. Kasuka still remember Slon's hands on his nape, and he hoped to never have to go through such an experience again. Getting beat up within an inch of his life was okay, but what Slon had tried to do... what Shizuo had done... His eyes drifted to the blond, and for a few moments, it was as though he was looking at a stranger. _He too is a monster, not much different from Slon._ Despite how emotionally numb he was, he still ended up shuddering despite himself. Once they reached Shizuo's apartment building, Kasuka parked the car and they both made their way up the stairs because the elevator was once again not working.

"When did you get back?" Shizuo asked as he took off his jacket and placed it on the coat hanger by the door. Kasuka followed the blond's example and then followed him into the living room where he sat down on the couch.

"This morning."

Shizuo picked up two cartons of milk from the fridge and handed one to Kasuka before taking a seat as well. "How did you know I got arrested?"

"Izaya told me," Kasuka informed him as he blankly stared at the carton of milk in his hand.

Shizuo felt his hackles rise at the mere mention of that name. "Tch! What the hell is he planning now?" he hissed before he took a swing of that delicious milk he'd bought the previous day.

Instead of answering, Kasuka busied himself with drinking the milk he'd been offered. "Forget about him, nii-san," he said after a while when he could almost hear Shizuo gritting his teeth.

"How can I forget about him when the bastard got me arrested again?"

"No offence, nii-san, but you shouldn't have allowed yourself to be baited, no matter what he might've said or done. I can't believe that after so many years, you still fall for his traps."

"He was talking about you!" Shizuo snarled, his grip on the carton of milk tightening to the point that a few splotches of the liquid ended up falling on the carpet. "I now know that he was lying to get me to attack him, but back then I couldn't think straight when he said that something bad happened to you. He said it was my fault!" he hissed again, but then a string of curses left his mouth when he ended up crumpling the carton of milk he was holding.

"You need to calm down," Kasuka said as he retrieved the now ruined container from Shizuo's hand and went to the kitchen to throw it into the garbage bin after pouring the rest down the drain. At least there hadn't been much milk left inside it.

Inside the living room, Shizuo was taking deep breaths in order to calm down. Kasuka was fine. Izaya had obviously lied. And besides, Kasuka was talking to him after ignoring him for so long, so instead of doing or saying things which would surely chase him away again, Shizuo knew that he should work towards behaving nicely. "Hey, Kasuka, did you finish that movie you were filming?"

"Yes, last week," Kasuka answered as he came back and sat down on the couch.

Shizuo's eyes roamed over Kasuka's form, and he was happy to see that the bruises were gone. Slowly, he reached for his little brother's hand and pulled it gently towards him. He raised the jacket's sleeve to inspect the broken wrist, and even though he was being careful, he still saw Kasuka wince a bit when he pressed on it. "I'm sorry," he was quick to apologize, thinking that he must've used too much strength.

"It's not fully healed, that's why it still hurts a bit. You didn't hurt me, so no need to apologize."

"It got broken because of me, and that will never change," Shizuo spoke in a sad voice as he pulled down the sleeve and released the frail-looking hand. Kasuka was by no means weak, but he was very precious to Shizuo, and he couldn't stand the thought of seeing him hurt. The only reason why Izaya was still alive was because Shizuo somewhat understood why the Informant had done it. Slon on the other hand... Shizuo would've surely killed him if the man was still alive. He would've torn him apart limb from limb for the audacity of touching his precious brother.

"I'd rather not talk about it anymore," Kasuka said after a few moments of silence. He really didn't want to go into that again knowing that Shizuo was still blaming himself for what happened. "It's in the past," he then added.

"Ok..." Shizuo said with some reluctance. "As long as you say you're fine, I believe you. I'm not going to fall in Izaya's trap again. I'm stupid for ever believing him when he said that something happened to you when we were kids," he hissed angrily as he shook his head.

Kasuka wanted to raise a hand and place it on Shizuo's shoulder to reassure him that everything was fine, but he couldn't do it when he knew that his next words would surely crush the blond. "Nii-san," he said, for once in his life sounding hesitant, "I believe I know what Izaya was referring to. He wasn't exactly lying."

Shizuo's felt as though someone had just viciously hit him in the chest, because for some reason, he couldn't breath. 'What are you... s-saying?"

"Some things happened when we were children, but that's all in the past now. As you can see, I'm fine now. You don't have to worry about me."

No mater what Kasuka was saying, Shizuo's body continued to grow colder, a nauseating feeling almost making him faint. His little brother had been hurt because of him. "What happened?" he asked when he finally found his voice again.

"The past is the past, nii-san, there is no point in―" He didn't get to finish though, because Shizuo's hand was in his shirt and he was pulled closer until the blond's face was mere inches away from his.

**"What the fuck happened?"**

The emotions he could see in those hazel eyes almost made him change his mind, but he knew that no matter how much this would torture Shizuo, he couldn't tell him anything. Izaya was a dangerous man, and Kasuka didn't want to risk him hurting Shizuo. He much preferred a hurt Shizuo over a dead one. "What happened is none of your concern, so let's just leave it at that," he finally said and wrapped his fingers around Shizuo's wrist to pull the man's hand away, but the blond used his other to grab him by the arm.

**"Kasuka,"** Shizuo growled.

Instead of answering, Kasuka remained quiet.

"You're not leaving until you tell me what the fuck happened," Shizuo snarled as he loosened his grip on Kasuka's shirt. He didn't let go of the arm though. "I just found out something bad happened to my little brother because of me. You think I'll just let that go?"

Slowly, Kasuka leaned forward to pick up the remote control. "As you wish," he spoke calmly before he pressed the _On_ button.

Shizuo stared in disbelief for a few moments before he tried snatching the device from Kasuka's fingers, but the brunet evaded the "attack" and held it in the air far away from Shizuo's grasp. Neither of them heard the sounds coming from the TV as they continued to gaze into each other's eyes.

"Think back, nii-san. Did I ever complain or act differently?"

Shizuo's frown deepened as he continued to glare at his little brother. "No..."

"What happened back then, I handled it, and that's all you need to know."

"I don't care," Shizuo declared. "I still want to know, so instead of acting like... like your usual self, just tell me what happened." Instead of answering, Kasuka tried to get up, but Shizuo pushed him back down. "You're not leaving until you tell me what happened," he declared.

"Don't make me call mother and tell her you're bullying me," Kasuka warned in his usual monotone voice, and he made his point by placing the remote control on the coffee table, pulling out his phone and starting to dial their parents' number.

"What the fuck?" Shizuo snarled and ripped the phone from Kasuka's fingers before throwing it somewhere on the couch behind him. "Look I need to know, okay? Please tell me, whatever it is. I'm imagining the worst scenarios here, and that's not something you do to your brother."

"Stop imagining. Problem fixed," Kasuka said calmly.

"How can I do that? And besides, how come Izaya knew about it anyway, hah?"

"I told him."

"You told him?! Why would you do that?"

"It came up during conversation."

Shizuo shook his head in disbelief. He'd been so surprised by his little brother's answer that he ended up loosening his hold enough for Kasuka to break free.

"Get some rest, nii-san, Kasuka said as he stood up. He took a step towards the door before he stopped and looked at Shizuo over his shoulder. "I'm not as weak as you think I am. I can handle myself. I didn't need you to protect me back then, and I don't need you to do that now. Just be my brother, that's enough," and with that he walked out of the apartment, leaving a stunned Shizuo behind.

The blond continued to stare with his mouth agape for a while at the closed door, until he woke up from the shock and he got up and ran out of the apartment and after his little brother who was driving away.

_I still need to know,_ he thought as he was running after the car. He obviously couldn't catch up to it, so he took a sudden left and ran through a narrow alley, and then another, using the information he had about Kasuka's route home to cut him off somewhere along the way. If he went through the park too, he might be able to catch Kasuka just as he would be passing by. With that thought in mind, he jumped over a fence and then ran through some bushes before sprinting through the park and then out of it. He was about to cross the street when he caught sight of Tom out of the corner of his eye, his friend being caught between two people trying to rob him.

"Shit!" he cursed out loud and changed direction, picking up a bench the moment he got there and hitting the one wearing a weird costume with it, the small body flying through the air and landing somewhere on the other side of the street. He then turned towards the other man who had the audacity to grab Tom's briefcase, but the other made a run for it.

"Shizuo, where have you been?" Tom inquired after picking up the briefcase, at the same time hoping that his friend would not pursue the thief. Nothing had been stolen, and besides, he didn't want to get the police involved. "Today we were supposed to take some money to the bank. I called you many times, but you didn't answer."

Awkwardly scratching the back of his head, Shizuo turned towards his friend and gave him a guilty look. "I'm sorry. It's a long story." Knowing that he couldn't leave Tom to go to the bank by himself, especially after the robbery attempt, he gritted his teeth harder together before he sighed loudly. "I'll tell you on the way there."


	45. Heaven Torn Asunder

**Chapter 45: Heaven Turn Asunder**

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After leaving the police station, Izaya couldn't stop thinking about what Kasuka had said. Was what he felt for Shizuo really _obsession?_It was true that he'd been fascinated by the man from the moment he'd seen the blond fight, but _obsession_ seemed like a too strong word. Heiwajima Shizuo was Orihara Izaya's natural enemy, and his existence defied reason, so it only made sense for Izaya to want to destroy the man. The blond wasn't like the rest of the humans who fell for his smile and sweet words. No, Ikebukuro's beast had read Izaya from the first second their eyes met on that football field, before they even had a chance to exchange a few words. With just a glance, the beast had deemed him unworthy of his friendship. Now that he thought about it, Izaya remembered feeling somewhat hurt. He was used to seeing people fall at his feet, but the monster saw right through his masks and made it his life's mission to crush him, something which in the end he succeeded. Izaya however liked to think of himself as a Phoenix, so while Shizuo might've crushed him to fine dust, he was certain that he would one day be reborn from the ashes left behind. Whatever it was, obsession, fascination, it did not matter. The two of them were what they were, and his existence would not be obliterated by a mere beast; in the end, Orihara Izaya would come on top.

With that thought in mind, he turned left and made his way through the park; it was faster to get to the train station that way. As always, he walked past the people playing Go and Shogi, and just like all those other times before, there was this one man who was sitting there alone. No one ever seemed to join him for a match. Somehow, Izaya saw himself in that man. Without a second thought, he sat down at the small table, the man looking surprised for only a moment before turning serious again. They didn't share any words; they didn't need to. Each time they moved a piece on the board, it was their way of talking to one another, their war soon grabbing the attention of the people around them. Seeing how good the man was, Izaya finally understood why he was always alone. Who would waste time playing with someone if they would most likely lose? Izaya was not like that though. He loved a good challenge, so he battled the older man with a fire he hadn't felt in a long time. It wasn't very often that he met a worthy opponent, and he couldn't help but want to face this man again. As they played, there were times when Izaya thought he'd end up losing, but in the end, he succeeded in capturing most of his opponent's pieces.

"My win~" Izaya sang with a smile on his face, a round of applause immediately following his words.

The man he'd just beaten let out a defeated sigh. "You're an exceptional young man."

Izaya stood up and chirped as he gave a bow. "Thank you!"

"No, really, you are," the older man said, a peaceful smile now replacing his previous serious expression. "You have a talent, you know? Have you tried going professional?" he then asked, the other people who had watched the game now curious to hear the answer as well.

Izaya let out an amused chuckle as he waved a dismissive hand. "This is just a pastime, nothing more. I do appreciate the compliment though."

Some of the men present shook their heads in disappointment while others seemed to admire him even more for being so good at something that was nothing more than a pastime.

The man stood up with some effort, his body not working as well as it used to back when he was still as young as the raven before him. "I'm Mori Ken."

"Orihara Izaya," he said, and they both shook hands.

"Will I be seeing you around?" Mori asked as he retrieved the cigarette pack from his pocket.

Izaya instantly paled at the sight, but he swallowed the lump in his throat and fought with everything he had to not let his voice crack as he spoke his next word. "I sure will, if you don't mind not lighting that up when I'm around."

Mori's hand froze in mid-air, and he slipped the pack back into his pocket before nodding. "As you wish."

"In that case, I'll be sure to come back!" Izaya chirped and smiled as he waved good-bye before turning on his heels and heading towards the train station.

_Of course I'll come back,_ Izaya thought with a smirk as he shoved cold hands into the pockets of his jacket. _After all, you might just become an important piece on my board._

The gust of cold wind made a chill run down his spine, and he couldn't wait to get home and get some sleep in his big, comfortable bed. Anything related to the Heiwajima brothers always wore him down for some reason, and he knew that he needed rest before going through the files he'd been sent that morning. A twisted smirk spread across his face as he imagined the check mate move, and just as he was about to laugh maliciously at the things he was imagining, he heard a voice from somewhere behind him.

"We meet again, Orihara-san."

"Ah, it's you again," Izaya said, sounding bored, not even stopping and instead continuing his trek towards the train station.

"Many things have been happening in Ikebukuro lately. I'm surprised you're not interested in any of it," Aoba said as he caught up to Izaya.

Suddenly, the Informant stopped and slowly rotated his head towards the teenager beside him. "Aoba-kun, I thought I made myself clear the last time we met." Izaya didn't miss the way the teenager's jaw tightened and the briefly disgusted look on his face.

"You misunderstood me, Orihara-san, I assure you. Even though you no longer seem interested in what goes on in Ikebukuro, I'm still going to tell you out of courtesy that Mikado-sempai and I are cleaning the Dollars of the most violent members, as well as taking care of those who use the Dollars name to wreck havoc throughout the city."

"I see... fascinating," Izaya said and rolled his eyes. Fights were nothing new in his beloved city, and even though he was a bit surprised that Mikado would ally himself with Aoba, he didn't show it. "Say, what happened to your hand?"

Aoba smiled bitterly as he raised his bandaged hand and stared at it in silence for a few moments before finally answering the question he'd been asked. "I mistook a dangerous wolf for a harmless puppy."

"Ahh!" Izaya exclaimed and then he started laughing, a malicious, disturbing laughter that made Aoba put more distance between himself and the most likely unstable Informant. "I always knew there was more to him than met the eye~" he said in a sing-song once he stopped laughing, his lips now set into a nasty smirk.

Aoba couldn't help but snort, an involuntary action which he immediately regretted. "Anyway, this is not why I approached you."

Izaya turned his head to the side and then tilted it slightly. "Oh?"

"Is it true that your sisters are going on a date with Hanejima Yuuhei?"

This time, Izaya didn't even try to stop himself from laughing hysterically. "Ahh ha ha ha! I see, I see! Ha ha ha! So this is what it's about," he managed to say in-between bouts of laughter. "Who knew that Ran's little brother would fall for my sisters?" he exclaimed as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"It was simple curiosity," Aoba tried to defend himself, even though he felt embarrassed about the whole thing. He could only hope that he hadn't turned red. The last thing he needed was for Orihara Izaya to make even more fun of him. Then again, it was his own fault for asking the snake that was the Informant such a question. It wasn't that he truly cared for the answer, but he needed an excuse to approach Izaya to see more of the man's expressions and to hear more of his words, and his sisters seemed like a good excuse as any other. Something was wrong with Orihara Izaya, and Aoba wanted to know what that was.

"Yes, well, everything you told me was oh so very fascinating, but I have business to attend to, so if you'll excuse me..." Izaya trailed off and change direction so that he could get rid of the pest following him.

"Sure you do."

Balling his hands into fists, Izaya fought to not turn back. "Indeed I do. Bigger fish to fry that is," he said with a chuckle. He refused to let Aoba win this one. When the other didn't say anything, he smirked and made his way towards Simon so that he could buy some sushi. He was curious how the big guy was doing, and he was also hoping to find out some information regarding Vorona's investigation into Slon's death.

"Iza-ya!" Simon exclaimed as the Informant approached him.

"Yo, Simon, how have you been?" Izaya asked with a smile on his face as he walked past the Russian and entered the store, the man following him inside.

"Good. Sushi sale very good," Simon answered happily.

"That's nice to hear. Can I have some for the taking?" Izaya requested in a cheerful voice before he took a seat a table while he waited for his order to arrive. As always, the Russian man had the bag ready for him in less than five minutes.

"Iza-ya, you look strange," Simon noted and rubbed his chin with the hand in which he wasn't holding the bag.

"Aww, must you hurt my feeling so?" Izaya pouted in mock-hurt before he grabbed the sushi bag from Simon's fingers. "I've been busy, so I didn't get any sleep last night. Actually, I'm on my way home right now to eat and then get some rest."

"Good," Simon said, but he was still frowning as his eyes locked with Izaya's. There was just something different about the Informant, but he couldn't put his finger on what that was.

"You know," Izaya added as he walked past Simon, "I've heard about Slon. Vorona told me."

Simon nodded, a solemn look on his face.

Izaya was hoping that the Russian would expand on the subject, but when he didn't, he had no choice but to leave it at that. Pushing Simon was dangerous, so he didn't want the man to become suspicious of him. He felt his jaw ache at the memory of the punch he'd received from Simon, and he couldn't help but raise a hand and gingerly touch his face.

"Пока!" Izaya said and waved.

"До свидания," Simon replied, the Informant never seeing the Russian's frown deepening as he walked away.

Izaya was actually looking forward to getting home and digging into the sushi. He'd missed the damn thing, especially after getting used to it. It was funny how he'd often end up eating there with Shizuo because of Simon.

_Shizuo._ The name brought a bitter taste to his mouth, and he ended up looking around and spitting on the sidewalk once he made sure that no one would see him. "Disgusting beast," he mumbled to himself once in a while as he made his way towards the train station. At least he'd gotten rid of Aoba. He didn't like that kid and he especially didn't want to end up having to listen to him on the train. After all, he had bigger fish to fry, the biggest being Heiwajima Shizuo, the man who had dared to take down a god. He spent the rest of his way home imagining all the ways in which he would make Shizuo suffer, his disturbing smile making the people passing by get out of his way. He didn't even notice though, too busy with what was going on in his mind to pay attention to what used to be his precious humans.

.

Shinra mumbled unhappily as he struggled to open the door with one working arm. He'd been out shopping, and even though he was hoping that Celty would do it for him, his beloved was out doing a few errands. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he successfully opened the door and walked inside, kicking the damn thing behind him with more strength than was necessary. He'd been certain that Celty was still out, so he couldn't have been more surprised when he heard the shower running. An insane grin spread across his face, and he quickly went to the kitchen to drop the shopping bag before making his way towards the bathroom. Chuckling darkly, he started undressing as he moved, which wasn't easy with one arm still supported by braces, but he was dying to have Celty's hands on him again. The two of them ended up fooling around a bit the night before, and Celty even went as far as to give him a few strokes through the material of his pajamas, but he didn't want to rush it, so instead of ravaging her the way he'd wanted, he held her tightly against his chest throughout the night.

He could no longer wait though. The first clothing article he lost was the lab coat, since the left sleeve had only been draped over his shoulder, and it was quickly followed by his pants and briefs. The shirt was a bit tricky, and he ended up growling impatiently as he slipped it off his right arm first and then struggled to pull it off the broken arm covered in braces. He knew that he shouldn't get in the shower with it, but at that point he'd stopped caring, so with a wide grin he slowly pressed the bathroom handle and tip-toed inside. "Celty My Darling, I'm coming in~" he sang as he raised a hand and reached for the shower's sliding doors, only to end up freezing in shock when he was met with the sight of Kishitani Shingen wearing nothing but a mask.

In the next second, Shinra let out a screeching sound as he recoiled from the man's proximity, but he ended up tripping and falling on his ass, his broken elbow hitting the bathroom floor. This time he howled in pain, and by the time he found the strength to cover his front area with his still working hand, Shingen had already seen everything.

"W-w-what are y-you doing here?" Shinra screeched, his face now as red as a tomato from how ashamed he felt at knowing that his father had seen his hard-on.

"I live here," Shingen answered calmly as he picked up the towel and wrapped it around his waist.

Shinra's elbow still hurt like a mother fucker, and his legs felt weak, so he raised his knees to hide as much of himself as possible. "You n-never come home!" he whined pathetically.

"That still doesn't change the fact that I live here."

"Y-you should've called first!" Shinra complained and raised a hand to indicate that he wanted a towel too.

With a sigh, the man picked one up to hand it over to his embarrassed-looking son. "It's nothing I haven't seen before," Shingen stated calmly.

"That's not the point!" Shinra cried out before he snatched the towel from his father's fingers and furiously wrapped it around his naked form before getting up.

"So you and the Dullahan..."

Shinra didn't think he could turn any redder, but his face looked crimson when he caught sight of his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Unable to stand the embarrassment any longer, he covered his face with his hand and then ran out of the bathroom and towards his bedroom, all the while peeking through his fingers to see where he was going. Once there, he threw himself on the bed and just stayed like that for a while, hoping to calm down enough to find the courage to get out there and face his father. The man had seen his fucking hard-on! He felt the skin of his face boil beneath his fingers, and he had to fight off the tears threatening to come out. It wasn't that Kishitani Shinra was one to get easily embarrassed, in fact, he was quite shameless at times, but the knowledge that the man had seen him like that was too much to handle. There was also the issue of his clothing articles lying around the living room floor and hallway.

Slowly, he pushed himself into a sitting position and then stood up, groaning at the pain in his elbow that seemed to flare each time he moved his arm even an inch. He kept cursing under his breath as he got dressed, all the while wondering what his father now thought of him. He really shouldn't have cared, but he did, and it shamed him to know that he'd been seen like that. Besides, he'd also revealed through the monumental blunder that he and Celty were together, and he honestly didn't know what his father would think of that. He was a bit afraid that the man would outright judge for his choice or try to separate them.

Finally, after a few more minutes of just standing there, he found the courage to walk through the door and face Shingen, but he ended up feeling embarrassed all over again when he realized that his father had picked up his discarded clothes. He considered running back into the bedroom, but he shook his head and forced his legs to move forward.

"Father, I'm sorry about earlier," he told the man as soon as he entered the living room. "I..."

"Like I said, it was nothing I haven't seen before," Shingen stated calmly as he sat down on the couch and picked up the remote control.

"Yes, but―"

"Were you just being suicidal or did Celty-kun actually agree to sleep with you?" Shingen asked as he pressed the _On_ button, the sounds coming from the TV temporarily shattering the awkward silence.

Shinra couldn't help but fidget and look away as he gave his answer. "We love each other."

"I must confess that I never imagined that one day my son and the Dullahan whose head I took would end up together," Shingen mused out loud, but he ended up jumping to his feet and dashing to the other side of the room when he felt black shadows touch his nape.

"Celty-kun, you're home."

Shinra felt a wave of nausea wash over him when he realized that Celty had heard their discussion. She would surely hate him now for hiding such an important thing from her. "C-Cel...ty, listen, I―"

Before Shinra even had a chance to blink, Celty was in front of him, the PDA raised and shoved in his face. [DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!]

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Shinra nodded slowly. His limbs shook with fine tremors as he watched his beloved make her way towards his father with murderous intention, more black smoke spilling from within her body through the neck. He nearly cried out when he saw her pull out the scythe, but the prospect of having that rage directed at him kept him frozen on the spot.

Standing in front of Shingen, Celty furiously typed on her PDA. [HOW COULD YOU? WHY?]

"Scientific research," was Shingen's simple answer.

The smoke floating around her took a more threatening demeanor, and when she raised her scythe and tried to cut him, the man dashed and made a run for the door. She immediately tried to follow, but a surprisingly strong arm enveloped her from behind and she momentarily faltered when she felt how badly Shinra was trembling.

"P-please," she heard him whisper softly into her ear, but she couldn't let Shingen get away with it, so she struggled out of Shinra's hold and then ran after the older Kishitani. Had she had her head, she would've roared out in frustration when she realized that the man had used the elevator to escape, but she refused to give up so easily. Tightening her hold around the scythe, she dashed down the stairs. She would capture the man and force him to tell her where her head was.

Shinra on the other hand was still inside the living room, his whole body trembling in fear at the prospect of losing the love of his life. Celty would surely hate him now, and she would never want to talk to him again. He didn't think he could live without her.

"That was close," Shingen voice could be heard as the man appeared from inside the hallway. "I fooled her into thinking I took the elevator. Actually, I think I should leave," he then added as he went to pick up his stuff. "I have some things to take care of."

Shinra could do nothing but stare at the man; he knew that if he moved, he would do something he'd end up regretting.

"What I did had nothing to do with you," the man said as he picked up the keys. "You were just a child. It wasn't your fault, Shinra, so don't let her blame you for it."

The only thing Shinra did was nod slowly as the man walked out of the apartment and out of his life for at least a few months before their next meeting. It felt as though his legs were made of cotton as he made his way towards the couch, and all he could do was collapse on it, close his eyes, and wait for Celty to come back. He dreaded their next encounter.

.

Izaya was humming an indecipherable song as he made his way towards the elevator of his apartment building. He couldn't wait to dig into the sushi and then get some sleep, even if it was still early. His day couldn't have gone any better. By showing Kasuka just how far he was willing to go for revenge, he'd entrapped the freak into his spider web. Now he only had to wait until the beast would snap and hopefully hurt Kasuka in a fit of rage. Shizuo's control was fragile at best, and he couldn't imagine the beast simply letting it go. A disturbing smirk spread across his face, and he couldn't help but chuckle darkly as he imagined Shizuo losing his temper on Kasuka. There was no guarantee that it would happen, but just knowing that the two siblings would fight because of something so silly was good enough for him.

At least he knew that he'd come a long way since that time when he'd entered the same elevator a few days after the assault. Back then he'd been broken and scared, and even though the fear never really went away, he knew that he'd made a lot of progress when it came to being in proximity to the beast. Since then, he'd heard the brute cry and had even seen guilt in those mocha eyes, but in the end, it was still not enough. A low whine slipped past his lips when he remembered that awful pain between his legs, but he swallowed the lump in his throat and slowly got out of the elevator and walked towards his apartment on unsteady legs. He had no doubts that he would never be able to forget it, but he refused to succumb to the terror of that night. Straightening his back, he gritted his teeth harder and forced himself to walk proudly. He was Orihara Izaya, now a human on his way back to godly hood, and he would not allow himself to succumb to memories of the past no matter how terrible they were.

Sighing softly after taking a few deep breaths, he slipped a hand into his pocket to pull out the keys, but he ended up frowning when he noticed the corner of a sheet of paper slipped beneath the door. He was more wary than curious, so he walked past it, took off his jacket and placed it on the couch before going back and picking it up.

Leaning against the door, he turned the sheet around, and he felt the blood freeze in his veins as soon as his eyes fell on the text. A few moments later, he ended up sliding down the door when he fully realized the implications of the words written on it.

**You can't hide the truth forever...**

_Someone knows! Someone knows! Someoneknows!_**_Someoneknows,_**he thought, despairing, and he couldn't help but let out a heart-wrenching cry at the thought of anyone else knowing what he'd suffered at the hands of the beast. It had to be _that;_ he couldn't think of anything else, regardless of how many things he usually hid from other people. The sheet of paper slipped from his hand, and he gripped raven locks with icy fingers at the same time that he felt a tear slide down his right cheek.

"S-some...one kno-knows..." he stuttered pathetically, more and more tears sliding down his face as he broke down into sobbing.


	46. Needles and Pins

**Chapter 46: Needles and Pins**

.

The phone rang many times before Shinra finally heard it, too shocked by what had happened between his father and Celty to notice anything going on around him. He felt so depressed about it that he lacked the strength to even raise a hand and pick up the electronic device. Instead, he just stared numbly at it for a few more minutes before finally deciding he had enough.

"Yes?" he asked in a monotone voice while staring blankly at the glass sliding doors leading to the balcony.

"Kasuka here; I need your help," the person on the other end spoke in a voice just as monotone.

Shinra blinked a few times before fully coming back to his senses. "What happened?" he reluctantly asked and hoped that it had nothing to do with Izaya this time around.

"Someone is hurt. Can you please come to my apartment?"

"Are you hurt?"

"No. I'm fine. Please, I need your help."

Shinra breathed in relief as he ran a hand through brown locks. "I understand. I'll be right there," he assured him before he got up and went to pick up a few things. He guessed that it wasn't life threatening, otherwise Kasuka would've made sure to mention it, just like he had that night when Izaya had almost died at the hands of Shizuo.

He went around the apartment gathering things he thought he might need, and as soon as he was done stuffing them into a bag, he made his way to the door, but he ended up stopping and then taking a step backwards when he almost ran into a murderous-looking Dullahan. He saw her type something, but before she could even finish, he forced himself to move and walk past her, only stopping again after pressing the door handle.

"Can't this wait? I will tell you whatever you want to know," he promised when he felt black smoke encompass and then tighten around his throat and wrist, "but right now I have to go help Kasuka. Someone's been hurt and they need help."

Finally, the black smoke retracted and Celty appeared next to him. [I will take you there,] she typed on her PDA with trembling hands. Regardless of what happened, she was not cruel enough to deny someone medical care. [I will get my answers, one way or the other,] she stated as the black smoke slowly retracted back into her body.

Shinra nodded and they both made their way to the elevator and then out of the building. He was almost too afraid to touch her as he sat behind her on the bike, so instead of wrapping his arm around her waist like he used to in the past, he placed his hand on her shoulder.

[Hold on tightly. If you fall, I won't get any answers.]

Shinra shook his head. "I'll be fine," but he ended up squeaking when Celty half turned, gripped his wrist tightly, pulled it and then wrapped his arm around her waist.

Despite everything, he couldn't help but smile as they made their way towards Kasuka's apartment. He had a feeling that Celty didn't hate him as much as he'd feared; if she did, he would've been dead the second she found out that his father had stolen her head. The pervert within Shinra kept telling him to either move his hand lower or higher, but he feared he might end up getting thrown into traffic if he even dared to attempt such a thing when Celty was so upset with him. He felt like a horny teenager whenever he was around her, and he almost snorted at himself for being so pathetic. Upon reaching their destination, they went up to Kasuka's apartment, Celty taking point to make sure that no danger would befall Shinra, especially after hearing that someone had gotten hurt. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing, but Shinra's heart only beat faster knowing that she still cared enough to worry about him. It served to reinforce his belief that the two of them still had a chance. The moment they reached the apartment, the door opened, revealing a healthy-looking Kasuka. Both Shinra and Celty were happy to see that the bruises were gone, especially when their last meeting had been right after Slon's attack.

Kasuka invited them inside, but Celty shook her helmet. [I thought I saw someone suspicious outside, so I'm going to check it out.] She moved to walk away, but Shinra grasped her wrist and stopped her.

"Be careful," he said softly and released her when he sensed her glaring at him. He waited until she disappeared inside the elevator before walking into Kasuka's apartment.

"This way," Kasuka said and guided him towards his bedroom.

"It's not Shizu-chan, is it?" Shinra asked with a frown, but when Kasuka shook his head, he ended up breathing in relief. He didn't want to upset Kasuka, but he would in no way ever treat any of Shizuo's injuries, even if the man would be dying. Hell, he wouldn't even spit on Shizuo if the blond was on fire, and that said a lot about how much he hated him for what the idiot had done to Izaya. "Then who―" He didn't get to finish though because his eyes fell on his patient's form and he couldn't help but dash towards the bed to have a closer look. "Is it really her?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes. I've cleaned her wounds as best as I could, but the cut on her shoulder blade is still bleeding. I believe she needs stitches."

"What happened?" Shinra inquired as he opened the bag to get bandages, a needle, thread and disinfectant.

"She landed near my car while I was driving away from Shizuo's apartment."

Shinra's jaw involuntarily tightened at the mention of the blond's name, but instead of letting his hatred for Shizuo distract him, he proceeded to disinfect the wound and then stitch it up with Kasuka's help. Doing his job had been much harder with only one working arm. "I'd love to stay and get an autograph from her, but I have my own problems to deal with," he said in a sad voice once he was done. "You'll get that autograph for me, right?" he requested with a small smile before he stuffed some things back into the bag and made his way towards the door.

"I will."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Kasuka said before closing the door.

Shinra would've liked to find out more, like why she was injured in the first place and by whom, and he really, really would've liked to get that autograph himself, but he knew that Celty wanted answers and he didn't want to keep her waiting for much longer.

[Are you done?]

Shinra nodded and headed towards the elevator, Celty following behind her. "I take it no one was outside?" he asked as he pressed the elevator button leading to the ground floor.

[I couldn't find anyone. I must've imagined it.]

"It's better to be safe than sorry."

[Yes.]

"We need to talk."

Celty nodded and got on the bike.

[Home.]

They got on the bike and drove home, the uncertainty of their future together making both of them nervous.

.

It took Izaya a while to calm down enough to realize that he was acting crazy. For starters, to assume that it was about the rape was jumping to conclusions. He realized with some worry that fear did strange things to his mind, and he didn't like that. The note could've been about anything from driving people to suicide to Slon's death, although he doubted that it was about Slon, because if it was, he would've been already dead. Vorona wouldn't play games with him. She would simply execute him the second she found out the truth. The thought was obviously not comforting, but at least he could rule out that possibility.

Pushing himself up with trembling arms, he staggered to his desk and slumped on the chair, the emotional upheaval having taken its toll on his already weakened body. His lips quirked into a mirthless smile, and he felt ashamed for breaking down like that because of some damn note he found under his door. He couldn't help it though, not when it terrified him to think that more people knew his shameful secret. It had taken him a long time just to accept the fact that Kasuka, Shinra and Celty knew. If it really was about the rape, then the only other people who might've known were Ueda and his men, as well as those three who had tried to kill him in that alley. His frown deepened when he realized just how many people already knew or suspected, and he didn't know what to do to find the bastard who'd sent the message.

A crazy thought entered his mind, and his narrowed into slits eyes fell on the city below. "Aoba..." he hissed through gritted teeth. Izumii's little brother had been pretty much stalking him, always asking questions and accusing him of silly things, like saying that Orihara Izaya no longer loved humans. A sound of irritation slipped past his lips, and he began swiveling in his desk chair as he tried to narrow down the list of suspects. Shinra, Celty, Kasuka or even Shizuo himself would never tell anyone, and while Aoba pissed him off, he couldn't understand how the kid had found out, unless he'd somehow talked to Ueda, his men, or those three guys who'd tried to kill him. It was also possible that his little show with Shizuo at that warehouse didn't fool Ueda one bit, but he couldn't understand why the man would play such games. It also didn't suit the businessman's character―at least from what Izaya knew about him―to play such childish games. Whoever had sent the note obviously wanted to hurt him emotionally. Those three men who'd tried to kill him didn't look like the type to bother with such things. Besides, they had no reason to, nor were they smart enough.

Gritting his teeth harder against each other, he raised a hand and ran it through his hair in frustration. He didn't like not knowing what was going on. He was supposed to be the man behind the curtain, not the one on stage. Being in the dark about something unnerved him, and he could only hope that he would be able to figure out who sent the note. The apartment building didn't have cameras, but if he asked around, perhaps he could find some clues as to who had dropped the note.

Sighing loudly, he got up on unsteady legs, picked up the sushi bag and went to drop it in the fridge. With his appetite now gone, it was best to go change, curl under the covers and hopefully fall asleep. As much as he wanted to find out who had sent the damn note, he knew that he needed a clear head for that. His earlier breakdown only served to remind him that he was still not well enough. The old him would've been fascinated by such a note, by the knowledge that someone had the courage to challenge Orihara Izaya. The new him, however―the broken to pieces him anyways―was so afraid that he couldn't even stop the small tremors in his hands.

He was about to go upstairs when he heard a knock on the door, but he was startled more by his own reaction than by the sound. He didn't like surprises, he didn't want interactions, and a knock on the door meant that he'd have to talk to someone when all he wanted was to be left alone.

Hesitantly, he made his way there and reluctantly opened it, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw who it was. "Shingen-san..."

"May I come in?" the man asked, but instead of waiting for an answer, he pushed open the door and walked in.

"What is it that you want?" Izaya asked, irritation now evident in his voice.

"I'm here to take Celty-kun's head."

"I don't have it anymore," Izaya said with a shrug.

"There's no point in lying to me, Orihara-kun. I know you have it."

As soon as those words left Shingen's mouth, Izaya pulled out his switchblade. "You're not taking it," Izaya stated with a dangerous smile on his face, but the grip on the weapon faltered a bit when he saw Shinra's father pull out a gun.

"It was taken away from me, but it's still mine," Shingen said as he pointed the gun in the Informant's direction.

Izaya let out a dark chuckle as he pocketed the switchblade. "To be fair, it doesn't belong to either of us."

"I'm still going to take it with me to America, along with Celty, to be used for experimentation."

"I won't give it up no matter what you do or say. I will awaken it," Izaya declared before he made his way to the desk and took a seat in his chair. "Besides, I don't think your son will be too happy to hear about your plans with Celty."

Shingen lowered the gun. "So you knew."

"Of course I knew! Your son has been pinning over that monster since long before I met him," Izaya cackled as he regarded the man with an amused glow in his eyes. "Well, I can see how you wouldn't notice though," he then continued, his smile turning into a nasty smirk. "After all, you were never around." Whether the man felt the sting of his words or not, he could not tell, that damned mask making it impossible for him to read the man's expression. "Don't worry. They haven't done the dirty deed yet, if that's what you're worried about." This time he burst into laughter, and for the first time since the man walked in, Shingen looked tense. "I wouldn't worry too much about a headless grand-daughter though. I don't think that's possible, even if the two of them would go at it like rabbits."

"The head, please," Shingen requested as he raised the gun and pointed it at the man behind the desk.

Izaya frowned. "No."

Shingen sighed and slipped the gun back into his bag. "It was just a toy gun. I don't need the head right now. I only wanted to know if you still had it, which you obviously do. I still haven't found a way to awaken it, unfortunately."

Izaya hoped the other hadn't seen the surprise on his face. It was strange to be toyed with instead of being the one pulling the strings. " I found one though," he confessed with a devious smirk and then continued to explain it to Shingen when the man approached the desk. "By turning Tokyo into a warzone, it should awaken."

"That's an interesting theory. I must confess that such a thing would've never crossed my mind. To use mythology as opposed to science... it might just work," Shingen mused, obviously impressed by Izaya's idea.

"Why, thank you," Izaya said, smirking.

"It's good that you still have it, though I don't think you will be able to keep this secret forever."

Izaya immediately tensed, the idea that Shingen might've sent that note taking root into his mind. It could've been a joke, the same as the toy gun, and he couldn't help but feel stupid about his earlier breakdown. "Shingen-san needs to work on his jokes. The previous one wasn't very funny."

"What previous one?" the man asked as he turned his head to the left and looked at the Informant over his shoulder.

Izaya's brows furrowed in confusion for a moment before he realized that he'd made a mistake. "Nevermind," he told the man as he waved a dismissive hand and watched him walk out of his apartment.

After a few more minutes or staring at the door, he turned to the window. _Who was it?_

_._

The stifling silence almost made Shinra whimper, but he didn't dare open his mouth when the Dullahan sitting on the other side of the couch looked so angry. One wrong word and he could lose her forever, so was there any surprise that he dreaded having to explain what he knew? An impatient tap on the floor made him flinch, and before he even knew what he was doing, he lunged himself at her and tightly wrapped his working arm around her.

"Please don't leave me! I love you, I love you so mu―" He didn't get to finish though. Celty's fist collided with his side and the air was knocked out of his lungs. He didn't let go; he couldn't. She was Shinra's everything.

[I'm not in the mood for your childish games!] she angrily typed on the PDA and then forced him to look at the text when he shook his head.

For a moment, when the smoke began to spill from underneath her helmet, he feared for his life, but the smoke didn't attack and instead Celty typed something again.

[Just tell me what you know!] She tried pushing him away, but when he only held on tighter, she stopped, fearing that she might really break him. She wasn't Shizuo, but her strength was not normal either.

"My father found out about you from a man called Yadogiri Jinai. He couldn't resist the temptation to study you, so he used the Saika blade to cut the link between your head and your body."

[Where is it now?]

"I don't know..."

[SHINRA!]

"I don't know!" he shouted and tightened his hold around her. "I don't know what happened to it after Yagiri Seitarou forced my father to give it up."

[How could someone force your father to do anything?]

"That man threatened my life. My father had no choice. I'm sorry. I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth," Shinra lied. Leaving aside the fact that he didn't want her to recover her head, he didn't want to start a war with Izaya over it. He knew the Informant better than anyone, and while they were no longer friends, Shinra at least didn't want to become enemies. Izaya had always been dangerous, but after what happened, the man was too unstable, and Shinra would under no circumstance try to incur Izaya's wrath. He only hoped that Izaya would see that he needed help before it was too late. Seeing how Celty wasn't writing anything anymore, he dared to look up, and he saw the smoke slowly starting to retract back into her body. "I love you," he told her again, but this time she smacked him over the head and slumped back on the couch. "I love you so much," he repeated as he gently rubbed her back. "Please don't ever leave me."

Slowly, Celty raised the PDA to type her answer, but she changed her mind and instead lowered it again. She knew better than anyone how much Shinra loved her. _I wish you would've told me sooner,_she thought sadly. While it was not exactly Shinra's fault, she still felt betrayed. How could she trust the man she loved when he kept secrets from her?

"I'm sorry," Celty heard Shinra speak in a remorseful tone, and as much as she wanted to forgive him, she wasn't ready to do that just yet.

[I can't.]

The moment Shinra read the text, she saw his expression morph into one of despair.

[Not yet anyway,] she then added. She had fallen for the idiot clinging to her, and that was something she couldn't change.

.

After making sure that Tom had safely deposited the money at the bank, and after reluctantly telling his friend about why he'd been absent from work that way, he went home. No matter how much he wanted to know the truth, he knew that talking to Kasuka when he was so angry was dangerous, and he didn't want to risk his little brother's safety. His anger was like a bomb about to explode, and he didn't want anyone to be around him when that happened.

The possibility of asking Izaya for answers was out of the question, especially after everything that happened between them. Shizuo had been stupid to allow himself to fall for Izaya's traps, and after hearing Kasuka pretty much say the same thing, he had to admit that he felt ashamed. He was no longer a teenager, so he had no excuse for his mistake.

There was also a chance that he could lose his temper again whenever he was near his archenemy. Shizuo might've gotten better at controlling his anger, but he knew that all it took was a few words to make it burn brightly, _just like that night._He didn't think he'd do it again, but he had no doubts that Izaya would find a way to make him snap if the flea really wanted that. Out of everyone in the world, only Izaya could make his blood boil with such intensity.

The Izaya from the dream entered his mind again as he lied in bed that night, and he wondered how hatred could ever co-exist with love. When Shizuo hated, he hated, in the true sense of the word. When anger took over, he destroyed, and when he thought that Izaya looked beautiful covered in blood, he'd only put more effort into breaking the man. His eyes widened in surprise at his own thoughts, but he ended up sneering and shaking his head. There was nothing beautiful about that bastard. Izaya was a disgusting blood-sucking flea, and that was all there was to it. With a growl, he pulled the blanket higher up his body, closed his eyes, and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.


	47. It Dwells Within

**Chapter 47: It Dwells Within**

.

Next day after work, Shizuo left straight for Kasuka's apartment. He would've gone there first thing in the morning, but the thought of leaving Tom alone to deal with the scum who owed money didn't sit well with him. He had no idea if he would find Kasuka at home, but he was prepared to wait no matter how long it took. If Kasuka thought that Shizuo would simply let it go, then his little brother had another thing coming. How could he after finding out that something he'd done was the cause of Kasuka getting hurt? He felt his guts twist in a painful knot at the thought, and he nervously ran a hand through his dyed locks before he fished out the cigarettes and plucked one out from the packet. The nicotine, which had always helped him calm down before, seemed to be of no use. Glaring at the cigarette between his fingers, he shoved the packet back into his pants' pocket and hoped that he wouldn't snap while trying to convince Kasuka to tell him what happened long ago.

As expected, Kasuka was not at home when Shizuo got there, but luckily he didn't have to wait long. None of them spoke as their eyes met, and it was only after they went inside the apartment that Kasuka decided to break the silence.

"Why are you here, nii-san?"

"Is this your way of greeting your older brother?" Shizuo tried in an attempt to lighten the mood, but he ended up flinching when Kasuka gaze at him with an empty, cold look that nearly gave him the chills. Kasuka was obviously irritated by something, and Shizuo had a pretty good idea what that was. "Come on," he hissed as he sat down on the living room couch, "you didn't honestly think I'd let it go, did you?"

Kasuka unzipped his jacket and took it off before he turned to Shizuo who seemed to have made himself comfortable. "One can hope," he said in a chilly tone. He thought he'd made himself clear the day before, but it didn't look like Shizuo knew when to give up. He'd have to teach his older brother that people didn't always get what they wanted.

After getting a glass of water, Kasuka went back to the living room and sat in the armchair opposite to the couch. He didn't say anything. Instead, he kept staring into those angry mocha eyes with an empty look, until Shizuo conceded and lowered his gaze. It was funny how between the two of them, Shizuo was the one to always give in first. He seemed to know very well that a threatening look would never work on him.

"If it's as unimportant as you make it sound, then why aren't you telling me what happened?" Shizuo muttered, feeling exasperated at the whole situation. "I promise that I won't blame myself for it, if that's what you're worried about," he said in an unhappy voice as he pulled out a cigarette and place it between his lips before lighting it up. He felt a bit bad about smoking in Kasuka's presence, but the need outweighed the guilt.

"I have my reasons," Kasuka answered flatly.

"You told Izaya and you can't tell me?" Shizuo growled out the words as he bit hard into the cigarette. "He's a bastard who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. I mean, think about it. You told him something and now he's using that information just to piss me off."

Without meaning to, Kasuka ended up blinking in surprise. "So you've figured it out."

"I'm not stupid, you know?" Shizuo scowled and shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

Kasuka nodded slowly. "I know that you're not, but when you get angry, you stop thinking clearly."

"Yah, well, I'm pissed off, and yet I'm trying my best to not march over to Izaya's apartment and kick his scrawny ass until the disgusting louse tells me what I want to know. You don't seem to give a damn how worried I am about you," Shizuo snarled and barely managed to stop himself from snapping the cigarette in two.

Kasuka's eyes infinitesimally narrowed at the image his mind had conjured. "Izaya has nothing to do with what happened to me, so please leave him out of this," he said, and even though his tone was neutral, he knew that Shizuo could sense the slight irritation behind it. "You know, nii-san, you should really stop blaming Izaya for every little think that goes wrong in your life."

This time, the cigarette snapped in his hand, but Shizuo was too far gone to realize what he'd just done. "Hah? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That piece of lying shit has been doing everything in his power to destroy me ever since we met, and you're saying it's not his fault? I got fired because of him!" he snarled as he crushed the cigarette in his palm, not even feeling the momentary burn before the thing was extinguished.

Unlike most people, Kasuka was not impressed by the terrifying display. "While Orihara Izaya may have caused a few misfortunes, you can't place the entire blame on him." Their eyes met, and Kasuka had a feeling that Shizuo was one step away from using the coffee table as an outlet for his anger. He really liked that coffee table, so he hoped that such a thing would not happen, especially when he knew that his next words might send Shizuo into a murderous frenzy. "Your obsession with one another is unhealthy."

For a moment, Shizuo's eyes went wide, but in the next one they narrowed into slits as he glared at his brother. "I'm not obsessed with the flea, so shut up!"

"He said the same thing when I mentioned it to him."

Shizuo's hands shook with the effort it took to not obliterate the piece of furniture in front of him. "I'm not obsessed with him," he hissed through clenched teeth as he felt his control quickly slip away, "although I'm pretty sure that he's obsessed with me. I mean, just think about it. He's been following me around for years now, always scheming shit to make me lose it."

"You've been following him around for just as long," Kasuka stated calmly, and he didn't even flinch when Shizuo's fist descended on the coffee table and the thing got smashed to bits beneath all that raw strength. It really was a shame, since it'd been custom made to go with the rest of the furniture. Kasuka figured that a splinter must've grazed Shizuo's hand, because he could see blood trickling down his brother's forearm as the blond took out the cigarette pack and lit one up with shaking hands.

"I haven't been following him around," Shizuo stated in a dangerous voice.

Most people wouldn't have dared push their luck after such a display of strength, but Kasuka knew exactly just how far he could go before he had to stop. "You're always running after him whenever he shows up in Ikebukuro."

"Of course I am!" Shizuo had no problem in admitting. "Whenever that bastard shows up here, something bad happens."

Kasuka folded his arms in front of his chest and his eyes narrowed even further. "So?"

Shizuo's expression morphed into one of pure shock. "Are you saying that I should let him do whatever the fuck he wants in my city?"

"Ikebukuro is not your city."

"Of course―"

"No, it really isn't, nii-san. That's just an excuse to chase Orihara Izaya around." The offended look Shizuo gave him didn't impress him one bit, so he continued in the hope of driving the point home. "Tell me, nii-san, if you hate him so much, why did you do it?"

"Do what?" Shizuo barked, too blinded by rage to think straight.

Kasuka unfolded his arms and placed his hands on the armrest. "You know exactly what I'm talking about." He really hated bringing that up, but he needed his brother to come to terms with his obsession.

This time, Shizuo lowered his head when he realized what Kasuka was referring to, his face red in both shame and embarrassment. That was the last thing he wanted to talk about with his brother, especially when Kasuka had almost been raped by a monster not that different from Shizuo himself. "Because I hate him," Shizuo mumbled. "I... I really, really hate him."

Kasuka shook his head in disappointment. "Are you telling me you're not attracted to him in any way?"

There was silence for a few moments, before the question fully registered in Shizuo's mind and he ended up denying it vehemently by shaking his head although no words were coming out of his month. There was no way he was attracted to the flea, _no way! NO WAY!_ Standing up, he kicked the remainder of the coffee table towards the middle of the living room. There's no way, no fucking way! Enraged, he marched over to Kasuka, fisted a hand in that expensive shirt of his and hauled him to his feet until they were eye level. " y!" he growled in Kasuka's face, his upper lip lifting in a dangerous snarl.

As though he could've have cared less that Shizuo could crush him without breaking a sweat, Kasuka wrapped his fingers around the strong wrist and tried to push it away, but the blond let out another growl and leaned in closer until their noses were almost touching.

"I'm done playing games. Tell me what happened."

Without letting go of Shizuo's wrist, Kasuka gazed into the honey-brown eyes of his brother. "How about you go home, nii-san? You look tired."

Shizuo let out a roar, but instead of falling prey to his uncontrolled rage and punching Kasuka in the face like he was tempted to do, he violently pushed him back in the armchair before he turned on his heels and headed towards the entrance. Halfway there, he stopped in his tracks. "Just for the record, I don't blame him for everything, at least not for that night," he told Kasuka without even turning to look at him. "As for you, don't appear before me until you're ready to talk," he warned and stormed out of the apartment, heading straight towards the subway station.

People didn't even need to know who he was to get out of his way, the murderous aura he was giving off serving as a warning for everyone around him to stay clear off his path. Somewhere in his mind, he realized too late that Ikebukuro's beast trapped inside a tunnel while he was so pissed was not a very good idea, but luckily the people inside the subway seemed to sense the danger, which led to them moving as far away from him as possible. By the time he reached Ikebukuro, he was slightly calmer, but still pissed enough to most likely murder someone if they happened to incur his wrath.

He didn't think his day could get any worse, but that thought turned out to be a mistake when he caught sight of Shinra out of the corner of his eye. Normally, he would've kept on walking, but the man's broken arm irritated him for some reason (a lot more than he wanted to admit). He inwardly cursed as he crossed the street to catch up to Shinra, the doctor's speed telling him that the man was most likely in a hurry to get home to Celty. He felt a pang in his chest at the thought of the Dullahan, but he shook his head and placed a hand on Shinra's shoulder to get his attention, not expecting Shinra to actually look terrified for a second before his expression morphed into one of pure hatred―one which Shizuo was used to seeing after that time when the doctor had attacked him inside his own home. _None of my business,_ he told himself, and yet he couldn't help but want to know. "Who did this?" he asked, but he ended up tilting his head to the side and looking at Shinra in confusion when the doctor gaped at him.

_He truly is a dumb brute,_ Shinra thought in shock. "You did," he hissed through clenched teeth once he managed to snap out of his stupor. He had to admit though, Shizuo's expression as the accusation reached his ears was priceless.

"I― what?" Surely, he'd heard him wrong. "Wait, follow me," he then muttered when he noticed that the people around them were giving him strange looks.

Behind him, Shinra was frozen on the spot, his eyes widening in disbelief when he realized that Shizuo was heading towards an alley. _No way,_ he thought, but he ended up feeling guilty for suspecting Shizuo of wanting to hurt him. Regardless of what the blond had done to Izaya, deep down inside, Shinra knew that Shizuo was not someone who went around hurting people for his own sick amusement. Izaya was the exception. As Celty had said, nothing good ever came out of the two being in proximity to one another. Forcing himself to move, he followed Shizuo into the alley and away from prying ears.

"I didn't do that!" Shizuo snarled and pointed at the broken limb as soon as Shinra got there. "What the hell do you take me for? I might be a lot of things, but I'd never hurt you, no matter how much of an asshole you are." A dark chuckle slipped past Shinra's lips, and Shizuo was starting to believe that the doctor had somehow lost his mind.

"It happend on that rainy day when you nearly cracked open my skull," Shinra said in the hope of jolting the blond's memory.

Shizuo's brows furrowed in confusion, and he lit up another cigarette―he was chain-smoking at that point―while he tried to remember when exactly he'd broken Shinra's arm. He recalled being very angry at the doctor for attacking him out of nowhere, and also for accusing him of things he hadn't done, but that was it. "I remember that part," he admitted begrudgingly, "but I only captured your wrists. I didn't break your arm."

Shinra rolled his eyes at the frowning beast before him, and he sighed loudly and pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose before shaking his head in disbelief. "I got an olecranon fracture when you pushed me to the ground."

"A what?" he asked, his frown deepening.

"Elbow."

"Tch! Shoulda said so from the start," he muttered as he took a drag from the cigarette. It was so weird to talk to the doctor after everything that happened between them, and even though he felt bad about the broken arm, he didn't think he was at fault. "You attacked me, Shinra. I had to defend myself."

"I warned you to stay away from Izaya. How did you expect me to react, after you almost killed him?" Shinra snapped. Did the dumb brute still fail to see the gravity of his actions? "If it hadn't been for Kasuka, Izaya would've died. In fact, he was one step away from dying when I found him. There was a trail of blood leading to his apartment and into the bathroom. Can you even imagine how I felt seeing my friend lying in that bathtub, passed out and bleeding, with his wrist broken and twisted at an odd angle? And those bruises... those finger prints on his face and hips," Shinra hissed in disgust. "Only an animal would do that!" he shouted, enraged, and he barely succeeded in stopping himself from attacking the monster of a man before him.

Shizuo groaned and shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, hands balled into fists inside his pockets and cigarette hanging loosely between his lips. The gruesome details certainly weren't helping with his already shitty mood, and the fact that he'd just dirtied his pants with the blood from the cut only made things worse. Sighing, he ran a shaky hand through his hair while he glared at the nasty cut. "Look, I'm sorry; not only for what I've done to Izaya, but also for forcing you into a situation where you had to take care of him. I... I wasn't thinking straight. If I was, I would've called an ambulance for him."

The whole situation was giving Shinra a headache, and even though he despised Shizuo from the bottom of his heart, he couldn't leave before making him realize just what kind of scum he was. Celty would surely be mad at him for doing this, but since he'd promised to stay away from Izaya, he might as well torture Shizuo; the bastard surely deserved it. "I highly doubt that," he retorted with a sneer.

Shinra's words didn't come as a surprise. The doctor had no reason to trust him, especially after the man had seen the aftermath of that night. "It's the truth, Shinra, but you can believe what you want," he said in a defeated tone as he turned to leave.

"Running away, hah?"

"No," Shizuo answered brokenly. "It's not something I can run away from."

As much as he hated to admit, Shinra felt some of Shizuo's pain as he watched the blond walk away. Perhaps it was because he'd known him for most of his life, and a part of him knew that Shizuo was really sorry about what happened. Cursing under his breath, he called out for him. Shizuo stopped, but didn't turn around, so Shinra continued. "Tell me what happened that day, in your own words. Tell me your side of the story." This time, Shizuo did turn around, but those mocha eyes were filled with disbelief and what Shinra guessed was a mix of fear and hope. Was Shizuo that desperate for someone to understand him, to forgive him?

The sound of a thunder made them both scowl. "Come to my place so that we can talk in peace," Shizuo suggested, and he was more than a bit surprised to see Shinra nod and head in his direction. They barely made it to his apartment before the rain started pouring. Shizuo offered Shinra a glass of milk―it was the only thing he had in his apartment; he'd forgotten to buy food once again, which only served to worsen his already horrible mood―but the doctor refused.

"Start from the beginning," Shinra said with a sigh once he got tired of seeing Shizuo walk from the kitchen to the small hallway and then back again, over and over again as the blond smoked the cigarette he'd lit up as soon as they had entered the apartment. He couldn't help but wonder if the cigarettes would kill Shizuo before Izaya did.

"Okay." Shizuo wasn't sure from where to start, but he guessed that mentioning the box and Kasuka's letter was a good of a start as any. He noticed with some surprise that his fingers shook with fine tremors, but it made sense that even Ikebukuro's beast would be nervous in such a situation. "That morning, Kasuka sent me some clothes. I thought they were bartender uniforms. You know, the usual stuff, but they were normal clothes. The letter I found at the bottom of the box only confirmed what I already suspected, which was that Kasuka had found out about me losing my job at the bar." He could tell that his voice was cracking, but he figured that it didn't really matter. "I was a wreck after reading it. I couldn't even stand up until later that day when I went to get some fresh air." He gave Shinra a hesitant look, but the doctor remained quiet. Growling softly, he took another drag from the cigarette while he gathered the courage to continue. "After wandering the streets for a few hours, I was just about getting ready to go home when Izaya passed me by with that disgusting smile on his face, while my world had been turned upside down because of him."

"I'm guessing you threw something at him, and that's what slowed him down," Shinra interrupted him.

Shizuo nodded. "I threw a vending machine at him. He recently told me that was the reason why I caught him in the first place."

"Makes sense."

"I kept saying I wanted to kill him, but the truth is that I only wanted to roughen him up a bit and then send him back to Shinjuku to lick his wounds. That smug expression, those fucking red eyes, that damn laugh of his, all of those made me snap."

"Shizuo, that's nothing new. I don't understand why you would lose it like that when Izaya was merely acting like his usual self." Somehow, Shinra had a feeling that Shizuo wasn't telling him everything. "What are you hiding from me?" he inquired, eyes narrowed into slits as he stared at the blond.

"I... nothing!" Shizuo defended himself; the doctor's look was making him feel uncomfortable. Kasuka's words came back with a vengeance, and he felt lightheaded at the implication, but he shook his head and continued. "I told him that if he apologized, I'd let him go."

"He didn't," Shinra said, frowning. Of course Izaya would never step on his pride like that. He could almost understand Shizuo's frustration with the Informant, especially when he knew just how annoying Izaya could be.

"Of course he didn't. Apologies are something he considers to be beneath him," Shizuo snarled. "He kept taunting me until I lost it completely." He then turned to Shinra, the doctor's hard expression almost making him flinch. "I know that's not an excuse, but that's what happened, Shinra. I regret what I've done to him, hell, I came to regret it before I even stepped out of that alley."

From a simple beating―even if a beating was never simple when it came to Ikebukuro's beast―to rape was quite the jump. He'd seen Shizuo angry before, he'd even gotten hurt by him, but even if it was Izaya, the assault had been too vicious. "I know for a fact that Izaya will never forgive you, but I still want you to do me a favor, if only for the sake of whatever we had before this," Shinra said as he stood up. "Please keep your distance from Izaya. He's not doing well at all, and what he needs the most right now is time away from the man who hurt him, as well as support of his friends, even if he doesn't know it yet."

"Don't you think I want him to stay away?" Shizuo snapped, the cigarette getting crushed in his palm just as his anger spiked. "He's the one who keeps showing up, messing with me and trying to make me lose my temper again. I don't know why the hell he's doing it." His eyes drifted over to the coffee table, and he took a step towards it to drop the ruined cigarette into the ashtray. "I'm trying my best to not fall prey to his words, but they get to me, Shinra, and there's only so much I can stand before I end up losing it. I assume Celty told you about what happened yesterday, right?" As soon as Shinra nodded, he continued. "He brought up Kasuka again. Do you even know how hard it is for me to not break his neck after what he tried doing to him? I understand why he did it, but he still hurt Kasuka, and that's not something I can simply forget."

This time, Shinra nodded in understanding. "Izaya is not thinking clearly. The hatred he feels for you is consuming him, like a disease. I don't know what'll take for him to finally find peace."

"My head on a platter, what else?" Then again, Shizuo had a feeling that even then, Izaya would never find peace. That was the kind of bastard Orihara Izaya was.

"If he comes anywhere near you again, ignore him. Can you promise me that?" Shinra nearly pleaded, his heart breaking at the mere thought of Izaya getting hurt again.

"As long as he doesn't hurt Kasuka, I won't touch him," Shizuo promised.

"And if he hurts Kasuka?" the doctor couldn't help but ask.

"In that case, I'll kill him," Shizuo said in a completely serious tone. "I'll kill him, I really will, no matter how sorry I am for what I've done to him."

Somehow, Shinra understood. If anyone were to ever hurt Celty... He was still tempted to kill Shizuo for what the idiot had done to Izaya, but he knew that taking down Ikebukuro's beast wouldn't be easy, and besides, Celty would surely be sad if something bad happened to Shizuo, not to mention that Izaya was the one who was supposed to get his revenge, even if Shinra wished that Izaya could stop already and just go back to the cocky bastard he used to be before that dark day. He knew that even after crushing Shizuo, Izaya would never be the same again.

"I still think there's more to it, but as you can see," he said while pointing at hs broken arm, "I can't exactly force you to tell me. Even if I was at full strength, you'd still wipe the floor with me." His tone was somewhat bitter, the knowledge that he couldn't defend Izaya against Shizuo if it ever came down to it making him wish that he had the monster's strength. There were of course other ways to bring down Ikebukuro's monster, but it was still risky.

"I can't tell you what I don't know," Shizuo mumbled as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Shinra shrugged and headed out the door, but not before warning Shizuo one more time to stay away from Izaya.

As soon as the doctor closed the door behind him, Shizuo walked to the couch and sat down. His conversations with both Kasuka and Shinra had worn him down, and he couldn't stop thinking about the accusation Kasuka had made about him being obsessed with Izaya. Ikebukuro might've not been his city, but he still had an obligation to chase the bastard away since he was the only one capable of such a feat. There was also this voice in the back of his head, reminding him of Izaya's blood-stained lips, but he shook his head and silenced it. He wasn't obsessed with Izaya, he wasn't!

Before he could think about it again, he quickly stood up and went to change, hoping to get distracted by other things so that he would no longer think of the bastard that was Orihara Izaya. Unfortunately, those red eyes haunted him, especially the way in which they had shun like bleeding diamonds when their gazes met right after he was done taking his revenge.

He let out a pained sound from deep within his soul, and he ended up sitting on the bed and pulling at his dyed locks in despair over what he'd done to the flea. Those goddam bloody lips and that beautiful face, as well as that disgustingly sweet voice taunting him even while the bastard was at his mercy, all of those had done something to him that night. Unable to further hold down the dam threatening to break, he felt his whole body shudder when he remembered how turned on he'd been by the sight of Izaya kneeling at his feet. Finally having the insect at his mercy had been the ultimate victory, but why did the bastard have to look so beautiful even in defeat?

_Beautiful... beautiful? Beautiful? What the fuck?! Fuck you, bastard, I hate you! How the hell did I end up wanting so badly to break you... to fuck you?_

This time, he couldn't suppress the sob previously lodged in his throat, and he ended up trembling in both horror and despair as he finally admitted to himself that one of the reasons he'd assaulted Izaya that time was because he'd been sexually attracted to the man.

_Fuck... what now..?_


	48. From out of Nowhere

**Chapter 48: From out of Nowhere**

.

Izaya stood inside the bathroom of his apartment, glaring at the bag Kasuka'd left behind. The mere thought of touching that coat again made his hands shake with fine tremors, and a shudder spread through his body when he remembered how his favorite piece of clothing had been dragged up his body as the beast uncovered the lower part with the intention of ravaging him like the animal that he was. His eyelids fluttered as he was overcome by fear and disgust, and before he could fall prey to the terror that so often left him unable to breathe, he forced his body to take a step forward, and then another, until he was standing right beside it. He hoped to never have to touch it again after going through hell when he had to dress Kasuka in it, but it seemed like he wasn't that lucky. His skin was crawling just by being in proximity to it, but he gathered his courage and reached a trembling hand to open it.

_Just a coat, just a coat, justacoathurryupandopenit,_he bellowed inside his head, and before he could change his mind and run out of the bathroom like he'd done the previous two times he'd tried to open it, he curled his fingers into the plastic and tore it open. He nearly recoiled when his skin came in contact with the material, but since he refused to admit defeat, he grabbed the damn thing and pulled it out. He knew there'd be no blood on it, but somehow, a part of him, the victim part of him, expected to see it covered in that warm liquid. There was no blood on the fur though, nor any staining the lower part of it. _No blood, no blood, noblood,_ he kept repeating like a mantra for a while, but he ended up letting out a broken laugh when he noticed the switchblade lying on the bathroom floor. His eyes went back to the coat, and before he could change his mind, he rushed to his bedroom and placed it on a hanger before running back to the bathroom and picking up the weapon. His hands were still trembling, but at least he could breathe easier. Perhaps it was fate that he got the coat back after all. At least Kasuka had returned the switchblade, which was a good thing since he hadn't been able to recover the one taken by the police.

He then thought about the switchblade he'd let Shizuo keep, and he wondered if the beast still carried it around. _What a dumb brute,_ he thought with a chuckle as he pocketed the one Kasuka had taken away from him that night when the two of them ended up fighting. As he walked out of the bathroom and headed to his desk, he also wondered just how angry Shizuo was about Kasuka keeping secrets from him. Knowing him, the beast was most likely very close to snapping, and even though he knew there were small chances of him actually hurting Kasuka, Izaya was still happy that the two of them were fighting. It had always bothered him that Kasuka was so understanding of Shizuo, to the point of defending him even after finding out that the blond was a monster.

Now slightly calmer, he sat down in his desk chair and glared at the note for the millionth time in two days. He was still so disturbed by its existence that he told Namie not to come in because he knew the woman would immediately tell that something was wrong. As he speculated on its source, he was so deep in thought that he nearly jumped out of his skin when the phone rang, and his eyes widened in both surprise and dread when he saw the caller's ID.

"Hello, Ueda-san, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?" he asked in a sweet voice, even though on the inside he was dead scared.

_"I was wondering if we could meet up."_

If Ueda was responsible for the note, Izaya knew he had no choice but to destroy the man by any means necessary. "Oh? May I know why?"

_"I'd rather we talked in person, if you don't mind."_

Izaya gripped the phone tighter, fear skyrocketing. "I see. Yes, of course we can meet up."

_"Does the park near the restaurant where we first met sound good for you?"_

"Perfect!"

_"In that case, I'll meet you there, by the statue."_

As soon as Ueda ended the call, Izaya sprang to his feet and started walking around the living room, biting his nails as he tried to come up with a way to get rid of Ueda if the man was indeed responsible for the note. If the park was deserted, he could kill him and perhaps even get away with it if he made it look like a robbery.

"No!" he found himself growling. "There's no way, Orihara Izaya, that you will kill one more human." Slon was already one too much, and he refused to sink so low as to kill Ueda too. If the man was responsible, then he would just have to bribe him with information, his most precious currency. He knew many things that could help Ueda in his business, and perhaps that was the reason why the man was blackmailing him to begin with.

He didn't have time to waste, so he picked up his phone, keys and jacket and then headed straight towards the train station. His trip to Ikebukuro didn't even register in his mind. He was too busy trying to figure out a plan to silence Ueda to worry about anything else happening around him. If he'd been paying attention to his surroundings, he would've noticed the strange looks some girls were giving him, as well as the giggles or outright laughter some were trying really hard to suppress.

"Ueda-san," he called out as he approached the businessman, not at all surprised that the bodyguards were there with him. "I hope you haven't been waiting for long."

"I just got here," Ueda assured him.

Izaya forced a smile on his face and sat down on the bench next to the businessman. He didn't say anything. Instead, he waited for Ueda to bring up the note, as well as for him to demand some type of payment for keeping the information secret. The mere thought of the man knowing what really happened made his face burn with shame, but he wasn't about to just fold either. He'd broken down too much lately, and he wasn't about to do it again anytime soon.

"I assume you're wondering why I called you here."

"What?" Izaya let out the question before he could stop himself, his expression set into one of surprise. He knew exactly why he was there, so why would Ueda ask such a question. _Unless it's not Ueda to begin with..._

The man sighed softly. "This is very embarrassing for me, especially after what happened last time."

Izaya's eyes further widened in surprised. _What..._

"I'm very sorry about what happened that day. I jumped to conclusions, so you and your partner ended up suffering because of me," Ueda said in a sincere voice. "The reason why I called you today is because I want to explain myself. You're probably wondering why I even bothered to interfere in the first place, but I hope that you will be able to forgive me after you hear me out."

Stunned, Izaya could do nothing but nod slowly while his body wanted nothing more than to slump on that bench in relief. Ueda hadn't been the one to send the note, which was good because anyone would be easier to deal with than the businessman.

"As you already know, I grew up in both the States and Japan."

Izaya nodded again.

"One of my friends from the States ended up killing herself after being assaulted by someone we both thought was our friend," Ueda said, his heart aching at the memory of that beautiful girl who'd been his first love. "I never knew what happened until after she killed him with her father's gun and then killed herself as well."

"I'm sorry," Izaya said in a somber tone, the businessman's actions finally starting to make some sense.

"It was a long time ago, but I still felt guilty for not realizing that the reason why she stopped hanging out with us and why he kept insulting her was more serious than just some bickering. Perhaps I could've done something..."

"You couldn't have known," Izaya tried, but he could see from how hard the man's first was trembling that he was still very much affected by what happened.

"I'm sorry for what I've done to your and your partner. I turned what you two have into something ugly out of my own selfish desire to somehow redeem myself for not noticing that my best friend was a monster."

"It's all in the past now," Izaya assured him, although he was still worried about the other people who'd been present that time at the warehouse. "I only wish that you didn't get others involved, that's all," he added in what he hoped was an awkward, embarrassed tone.

"I apologize for forcing you to reveal your relationship with Heiwajima-san to myself and my bodyguards since I assume you wanted to keep it a secret, but rest assured, my men know nothing of what was discussed in that warehouse. They do not speak Japanese. At most, they know the two of you are together, but they aren't aware of my blunder. You might think I'm paranoid, but I always pick my men carefully. I prefer my business to not be known by people who could leak information."

"I see. Thank you." Izaya put on a genuine smile. He liked how this man thought. "May I inquire to the fates of the three men who tried to kill me? I don't want to always have to look over my shoulder."

"They will never bother you again," Ueda assured him, a disturbing smile adorning the man's face.

That wasn't good enough for Izaya. It could mean anything from the men being bribed into shutting up to them being murdered.

Sensing his confusion, Ueda continued. "I'm sorry, but I can't reveal any details. All I can say is that you will never cross paths with them again."

"I really can't believe Ueda-san trusted the words of those lowlifes," Izaya said as he got up. Just because the man had apologized, it didn't mean he'd let it go. After all, Ueda was responsible for the kiss he'd been forced to give Shizuo.

Ueda stood up as well. "Normally, I wouldn't have, but when we first met, you gave me this impression that you were jumpy, and that was not the Orihara Izaya I've heard about. It's my mistake for reading you wrong back then."

"Jumpy?" Izaya asked in surprise, his voice a bit too high-pitched for his taste. He almost felt a bit embarrassed, but not quite. He was more worried by what the businessman was saying.

"Yes. After what happened to my friend, I did some research on the effects of such an assault on the victim. There were many signs she was showing, but I didn't know what they meant. For example, the way she couldn't stand being touched, or that terrified look she'd always get whenever a guy approached her. I'm sorry," the man suddenly said as he ran a hand through his hair. "I just wish I could've done something."

"..."

"It's not something I ever told anyone, but I wanted you to understand why I did what I did."

"It's okay," Izaya finally said. "Ueda-san was just trying to help. I'm grateful you would go so far for someone you barely know." Their eyes met, and the corners of Ueda's lips quirked upwards just a tiny bit.

"I like you, Orihara-san. You get things done. Please forgive my blunder so that we could work again in the future," Ueda said and raised a hand, waiting to see if Izaya would shake it.

"What kind of an Informant would I be if I were to chase away such an important client?" he said, smirking, just as he shook hands with the man.

"Thank you for your understanding. I'm going back to the States for a while, but I'll be sure to contact you again as soon as I need information." With that, the businessman walked away, the bodyguards following suit after him.

Although Izaya felt relief that it wasn't Ueda, he was still worried about the note. The man's words had also disturbed him to some extent. He stood up and thought of heading home, but then he remembered that Mori Ken should be in the park and he went looking for him. He found the man sitting alone one of the small stone tables.

"Mori-san," Izaya greeted in a cheerful tone. "May I join you for a game?"

"You're always welcome to join me, Orihara-kun," the man answered and invited him to take a seat.

Fifteen minutes into the game, when Mori Ken seemed to be having a hard time deciding his next move, Izaya fished the phone from his pants' pocket and went online. He typed _'effects and aftermath of rape,'_ and then hit the _Search_ button; something had been bothering him since his talk with Ueda Shou. As the results of the search came in, he gave each of them some thought.

_'Sexually transmitted diseases' _― this was one subject he'd never even discussed with Shinra, but he guessed that the doctor would've told him if something was wrong. After all, Shizuo used to go to him to get his injuries treated all the time, so surely Shinra would know if the beast had any diseases.

_'Self-blame'_― no, he blamed the brute for everything, but he couldn't help but regret his decision of going to Ikebukoro that day. He also wished that he hadn't taunted the idiot so much_._

_'Shame' _― as he read the word, he couldn't help but flinch. He felt really ashamed whenever he thought about it, which was most of the time.

_'Lack of motivation to seek care'_― At this one, he scowled. He didn't need care...

_'Cutting themselves off from other people'_― it wasn't Izaya's fault that Shinra was an asshole who'd attack him for merely revealing to the Dullahan what happened. _Tch!_

_'Anger' _― how could he not be angry?

_'Aggression' _― again, it really wasn't his fault that he wanted to chop the monster to tiny bits and then feed the remains to the dogs.

_'Suicide' _― a scowl marred his features, and before he could read any further, he turned off the phone and shoved it into his pocket. Mori Ken was giving him a strange look, but the man wasn't saying anything, and for that Izaya was grateful.

He knew what came next on that list. _Fear of touching._ He could barely stand to touch himself, let alone allow others to do it. So what if he hadn't had sex in months? It wasn't like he'd been sleeping around even before the assault. He had normal sexual urges like every other man, but he usually kept them in check and only indulged himself whenever he would find a suitable partner. He always made sure to avoid his fangirls. He couldn't deal with the drama, especially after what he went through in high-school with Mikage. Sex was not something he needed that often, not really. And yet, the more he thought about it, the more it shocked him how terrified he would most likely be even if the one touching him would be a woman, not because she could hurt him, but because whenever someone touched him, he couldn't help but remember Shizuo's hands on him. He shuddered in disgust at the memory and shook his head to chase it away before giving the game his full attention.

.

It was late in the afternoon when Shizuo finally headed home for the day. He was in a pissed off mood, his realization regarding Izaya, as well as the fight he'd been dragged into, were certainly not helping him with his temper. As though things weren't already bad enough, he also ended up running into Celty during the whole Raira students and the van gang latest incident. It was like whenever either of those two groups was involved, something bad usually happened. He had such a scary expression that people nearly ran away from his path, but Shizuo was not noticing any of it when his mind was tormented by thoughts of that night and of Izaya. He was distracted, so he really shouldn't have been so surprised when he ended up running into someone. His first instinct was to growl and to punch the person out of his path, but he ended up freezing with his fist in the air when mocha eyes met brown-red ones. Izaya pulled out his switchblades and flicked them open before the man even landed on the ground as he jumped backwards, the defensive response not at all surprising considering what Shizuo had done to him. For a few moments, they stared at each other, until Shizuo lowered his gaze in embarrassment. "I don't want to fight." He didn't dare look at Izaya, not when he so clearly remembered everything.

Instead of arguing, Izaya pocketed the switchblades. As much as he wanted to plant them deep into the beast's flesh, he knew that he needed a few more things before he could finally indulge his thirst for blood. "Not in the mood to fight today either," Izaya admitted, and yet he didn't move to walk away. Instead, he kept glaring at Shizuo.

A rufescent blush spread across Shizuo's cheeks the moment he risked a glance at Izaya. As much as he hated to admit, Orihara Izaya was a good-looking man and a very good kisser. He nearly groaned at the memory, but he swallowed the sound threatening to come out and instead tried to focus on the situation at hand. Taking in a deep breathe, he raised his head and allowed himself to carefully observe the smaller man frowning at him. Those almost red eyes were fascinating, and those lips had been soft, and yet he couldn't say that he had any urges to screw him right there and then, or anywhere for that matter. He didn't know what that meant, but he felt some relief at the knowledge that he wouldn't jump Izaya at first opportunity. Besides the face―and, as much as it pained him to admit, that ass―there was nothing about Orihara Izaya that he liked. He despised the man. In fact, he still hated him enough to want to beat him to a bloody pulp, but the guilt always prevented him from acting upon his instincts. Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't one to take shit from anyone, and yet he'd allowed Izaya to humiliate, embarrass, insult and psychologically torture him ever since the insect had saved Kasuka.

"What are you staring at?" Izaya asked, disgust marring his voice.

"You," Shizuo answered automatically, but he immediately regretted opening his mouth without thinking.

Izaya was so shocked by the answer that he ended up taking a step backwards, Shizuo's insistent gaze worrying him for some reason.

"Why?" Luckily, the people around them had ran away the second the two archenemies bumped into each other, so Shizuo and Izaya didn't have to worry about others overhearing their conversation.

"I'm just thinking," Shizuo answered after a few moments of awkward silence. "About how much I hate you."

Without meaning to, Izaya ended up breathing in relief; the last thing he needed was a constantly turned-on brute chasing him around. He shuddered at the thought, but he quickly hid it with a chuckle. "It must be frustrating not knowing what happened to your precious little brother." Shizuo's answer was a growl, but Izaya continued anyway because he just couldn't shut up. "He told me the secret, and yet he refuses to put your mind at easy. Ah, it must be hard being Heiwajima Shizuo," Izaya mocked, but he ended up tensing when he watched the beast grab the rail and uproot it from the ground.

"IIIIZAAAAYAAAA!" Shizuo roared, his control slipping at the mere mention of Kasuka's name. Rage like he hadn't felt in a long time blinded him, and before he even knew what he was doing, he flung the metal thing straight at the flea.

For a moment, Izaya couldn't react because of how stunned he was by Shizuo's aggressive behavior, so when the brute threw the improvised weapon at him, he barely managed to jump over it. Izaya's feet had only just touched the ground when Shizuo lunged forward, but he successfully avoided the brutish hand from grabbing his arm at the last moment. He ran away at full speed, not knowing what to think after seeing Shizuo so angry. He knew that it must've been hard for Shizuo to not attack him all this time, but it was still ridiculous that the idiot would get so angry at the mere mention of Kasuka's name. Still, there was no way that Shizuo could catch him, not without injuring him first. He continued to run, ignoring the fear squeezing his lungs and making his limbs feel as though they were made of lead.

As he ran after Izaya, Shizuo was starting to slowly become aware that he'd lost control, and it took him about five minutes before he finally managed to calm down enough to stop chasing the man. "If I catch you in Ikebukuro again, I'm gonna break your legs!" he roared after him, the smaller man only stopping momentarily before resuming his sprint. Apparently, Izaya didn't feel like messing with him again that day and Shizuo was for once glad that the idiot knew when to stop. Sexual attraction or not, he really still hated the bastard, and besides, it wasn't like he'd felt any attraction towards the flea earlier, or any other time they had met since then besides that one time when they kissed and he'd enjoyed it. Whatever the hell he'd felt that accursed night, it must've been a combination of things which had lead to him being aroused at the sight of a defeated Orihara Izaya. He could see why Kasuka would think that he was obsessed with Izaya, hell, even that idiot Karisawa was under the erroneous impression that he and the flea were an item, but it wasn't that. How could people ever understand the deep hatred they help for another? As for Shinra, the doctor had been right. There was more to it, but someone like Shinra would never understand that euphoria Shizuo remembered feeling the moment he realized that he'd finally caught the elusive prey he'd hunted for so long. Back then he was starting to believe that he would never catch him, so he couldn't have been more surprised when he finally got his hands on the flea. Even Shizuo himself didn't yet fully understand why things had gone so wrong that night, but even though it sounded troublesome, he made up his mind to figure it out one way or the other. Pulling out a cigarette from the packet he'd just fished out of his pocket, he lit it up and took a lungful of smoke.

_I'll figure it out Izaya. I may hate you, but I owe you at least this much after I broke you,_he thought as he gazed at the corner behind which Izaya had disappeared earlier, before he turned around and headed home.

.

Izaya got home in the evening, confused, a little bit scared and pissed off all in one. Instead of finding the peace and quiet he yearned for, he got a headache instead when he opened the door and caught sight of Namie. "Why are you here?" he asked, and he couldn't hide the annoyance he felt at seeing her sour face.

"A client needed something, and the file was on the computer here," the woman said as she turned it off.

Izaya let out a dark chuckle and dropped his jacket on the desk chair before he moved to stop her from leaving. "Even in your spare time, you still work, doing all these little things for me. Is it only just the pay?" He knew there was nothing more, but he was in a shitty mood and she ended up crossing his path when his destructive tendencies just happened to surface. Besides, his discussion with Ueda had made him realized that he was indeed terrified of any kind of physical contact. With Namie though... she was different. _Perhaps..._

Izaya's behavior flummoxed her. After shooting him a disbelieving look, her eyes narrowed into slits and she glared at him, arms folded in front of her chest while she tapped her foot impatiently. "Of course not. I do it for your ever-pleasant company," she mocked and tried to walk past him, but Izaya blocked her path again. "I'm not in the mood for games today."

"But isn't Namie-san my housewife?" Izaya teased. "You always take such good care of me."

"I'm not your housewife, nor your maid, so move before I break your face," she warned as she unfolded her arms and balled her right hand into a tight fist.

Instead of moving, Izaya's continue to stand there, his smirk growing darker by the second as he gazed at the ornery woman before him.

Having had enough, she raised her fist and tried to punch him, but Izaya captured her wrist and wrapped his other arm around her waist so that he could pull her closer.

"What are you doing?" she shouted in outrage and started struggling, but Izaya only held on to her tighter.

"What kind of question is that? I'm obviously going to give my housewife a kiss as a reward for always working so hard," he said with a chuckle, and he felt relief to know that he could touch Namie without a problem.

"If you dare, I'm going to chop your dick off, you horny bastard!" she threatened as she glared at him with all the animosity in the world, but she ended up closing her eyes when she saw him purse his lips and lower his head to kiss her. She could feel his hot breath as he got closer to her face, but he surprised her yet again when she felt his lips touch her forehead. The kiss was short but gentle, like a parent would kiss a child, and she stood there frozen in shock even after Izaya had released her.

"Were you expecting something else perhaps?" he teased, but he ended up letting out a shrill of pain when his beloved secretary kneed him in the groin. It hurt so much that he couldn't even stand anymore, and he ended up collapsing on the floor of his apartment, whining in pain while tears sprang at the corners of his eyes and ran down the side of his face.

"Tch!" she spat out in disgust before she headed out the door and away from her idiot boss. Where did she put that rat poison again? It didn't matter, she'd just have to buy some more.

Inside the apartment, Izaya's whimpers mixed with broken giggles. He'd never been hit in that area before, and he finally understood how easy it'd be to bring someone down by just kicking them in the nuts. He'd have to remember to try it on Shizuo. Would the beast even feel it? He somewhat liked the idea of damaging that loathsome piece of flesh that had ripped him apart, the simple thought serving as anodyne for his pain. "Oh, Namie-san, you really are one of my favorite humans~" he sang out loud about five minutes later when he finally found the strength to get up and limp to his desk chair. "I know I said that I love all of my humans equally," he then added as he rotated the chair so that he could watch the city below, "but I can't help but love you just a tiny bit more."


	49. Telephone Murder

**Chapter 49: Telephone Murder**

.

Six days after his run-in with Izaya, Shizuo hoped once again that he would manage to get home without bumping into the man. He was already pissed off because of Kasuka and his stubbornness, and the last thing he needed was the insect annoying the hell out of him. He was already stressed enough just from trying to figure out what the hell happened that night. No matter how he looked at it, something had definitely broken inside his head. That night he'd crossed a line he shouldn't have crossed, and because of him a lot of people ended up suffering. Not only did he ruin his friendship with both Celty and Shinra, but the two of them could barely stand to look at him. Shinra might've acted civilized the last time the two of them talked, but Shizuo knew that deep down inside, the doctor was probably thinking of ways to finish him off. Celty on the other hand was probably suffering after telling them to never look for her again. He knew that it hadn't been easy on her to say such a thing, but he could understand her frustration with both him and Izaya. The two of them were like chemical substances meant to explode whenever they were brought together. He also understood that while he may never hurt the insect as he'd hurt him that night, he couldn't guarantee not breaking a limb or two once in a while. Izaya had this talent of driving his rage to the surface and then pouring gasoline on his already burning hatred.

As he was walking home, he heard a string of giggles behind him and he sighed in annoyance. He didn't turn around though; he didn't dare. He knew that if he did, he might end up hurting them. He was used to teenage girls talking about him like he was some sort of monster, as well as the stupid games they played in which they dared each other to go talk to him. He wasn't interested in such girls, especially since he preferred more mature woman. _Stupid, stupid, stupid girls; don't kill, don't kill, don't kill,_ he kept thinking as he increased his pace and hoped they would stop following him around. He really didn't want to hear them speculate―as others have done before them―just how much of a beast he was in bed. How could they know that was exactly what he was? _A beast and nothing else. Just a monster who would force himself on someone else._The headache he was already feeling suddenly intensified, and before he'd end up kicking their skinny asses―Shizuo wondered if they ever ate―he shot them a murderous glare over his shoulder. Immediately, they screamed and ran away, and Shizuo let out a sigh of relief. He didn't want to hurt them by accident during one of his rage episodes. He didn't like hurting anyone, but he hated hurting women the most, especially after that incident at the bakery when he ended up injuring the nice lady who used to always give him and Kasuka a bottle of milk each. He wondered how she was doing, if she was okay, if she hated him, but at the same time he knew that such questions were irrelevant. What happened back then felt like a lifetime ago, and if she was lucky, she'd already forgotten all about it.

_Whatever,_he mumbled. It didn't matter anymore; it was all in the past. At least he'd managed to get home without running into Izaya. After his last conflict with the man, Shizuo really didn't trust himself to not hurt the flea, especially when the bastard kept mentioning Kasuka. He could've hurt him pretty badly with that rail, but at least the insect managed to avoid getting hit. He actually breathed in relief once again as he recalled that second when Izaya jumped over the damn thing. Back then Shizuo had been angry, but the only thing he felt as he opened the door to his apartment was relief; he really didn't want to break his promise of never hurting the flea again. He'd damaged Izaya enough as it was.

"Dammit," he cursed out loud and ran a hand though his hair before he proceeded to take off his clothes and head to the shower. He didn't want to think about Izaya anymore, or about Kasuka. His little brother had made his choice, and Shizuo was done playing Izaya's games. He knew that he couldn't force Kasuka to tell him anything, and he also knew that getting it out of Izaya was impossible without completely breaking the man, and since both routes led to a dead end, he chose to take a step backwards for the time being. Ever since the day he'd met Izaya, he'd played right into the man's traps, but that was over. Scowling, he quickly washed up and then went to put on some clean clothes. As he rummaged through the drawers, he realized that he only had one clean t-shirt to wear inside the house, so he grabbed the white clothing article and slipped into it on before he picked up a pair of grey sweatpants and headed to the kitchen to boil some water for the instant noodles he was planning to eat. As he stood at the table and waited for the water to boil, he impatiently tapped a finger on the table. "So hungry," he mumbled unhappily. He hadn't eaten in the morning, nor while he was at work, and after he spent so much energy chasing people around and beating them up, he needed nourishment to replenish his energy reserves.

A few moments later, his finger froze in mid-tap when he heard a knock on the door. After throwing the water a glare for not boiling fast enough, he went to see who was looking for him. "What do―" The rest of the words got caught in his throat through when he saw Kasuka standing there with that usual emotionless expression of his. A smirk spread across Shizuo's face. "Have you finally decided to tell me what happened?"

"No," Kasuka answered flatly.

Shizuo let out a growl and moved to close the door, but Kasuka's arm shot forward and he grabbed Shizuo by the t-shirt. "Wait, nii-san, we need your help."

"Huh?" Shizuo exclaimed, and his eyes went wide in surprised when Kasuka moved to the side and revealed a petite beautiful young lady standing there with her eyes fixed on a spot on the dirty floor of the hallway's apartment building.

"Hello, my name is Hijiribe Ruri. It's a pleasure to―" She never got to finish though, because when she raised her head, she saw who Kasuka's brother was. For a moment, she just stared, eyes wide in terror and body trembling, but when she finally found the strength to move, she took a step backwards.

"Ruri-san, what's wrong?" Kasuka inquired in what almost seemed like worry as he placed a hand on her trembling shoulder.

"No-nothing!" she assured him with a forced smile. "I'm fine."

Shizuo could only gape at the scene before him. His little brother had not only showed up after being told not to appear before his eyes again without revealing the truth, but he'd also brought a girl with him. "What do you want?"

"Ruri-san is in danger, and we need to hide here for a little while until we find a better place."

"So my place isn't good enough for you, hah?" Shizuo scowled as he moved inside the apartment without closing the door. It was his way of telling them to come in. "Wait," he then added when he remembered the water he'd left on the stove. Sighing, he turned it off and went back into the living room. There was no way he could eat now that he had guests, which further served to irritate him since he was starving. Eyeing his two guests, his gaze fell on Ruri who for some reason seemed to be afraid of him. Perhaps she'd heard of him before. "What exactly are you to my brother?" he cut straight to the subject.

Before Ruri could answer, Kasuka snaked an arm around her arm and pulled her closer to him. "Ruri-san is that special someone," he declared.

Shizuo could only stare and gape like a fish pulled out of its much needed water; never before had he heard of his little brother dating anyone. "What?" he then asked in a squeaky tone when his voice finally came back.

"It's as you've heard." Turning his attention back to Ruri, Kasuka led her to the couch where he told her to sit down and watch some TV. With Ruri calmer and more comfortable sitting down, he went back to Shizuo. "We need to talk; in private," he told his older brother before he made his way towards the bedroom.

Still stumped about the whole thing, Shizuo shook his head and blinked a couple of times before following Kasuka inside. "I didn't know you had a girlfriend, and a hot one at that," he commented with a smirk.

"Don't talk about her like that," Kasuka requested as he opened the window to let some air in. "She's a good person."

Shizuo scowled at the admonishment. "I didn't say she wasn't. Look, why are you here? I told you to not show your face before me again until you're ready to talk. I'm guessing you aren't, so how about you take your girlfriend and get out of here, hah?"

"I can't," Kasuka answered in his usual monotone voice. "Ruri-san's stalker burned down her apartment. She's in danger, and I have to protect her."

"That's just adorable," Shizuo cooed, but he ended up flinching when he met Kasuka's icy stare. "Ok, fine, so she's in danger and you want to be her knight in shining armor. I don't see what that has to do with me. As I've said, I don't want to see you again," Shizuo said as he folded his arms in front of his chest and glared at his little brother.

"We need a place to hide in for a day or two. Please, nii-san, I don't want her to get hurt," Kasuka pleaded.

With a roll of his eyes and a sigh, Shizuo finally made up his mind. "Fine, but I'm sleeping on the couch in case that stalker finds this place. I'd rather he goes through me first."

Kasuka's half-closed eyes slightly widened and he couldn't help but protest. "But nii-san, there's only one bed inside your bedroom!"

With a smirk and a shrug, Shizuo turned around and went back to the living room. "You can stay here with my brother for as long as you need. Just... just keep it down."

A faint blush spread across Ruri's cheeks, and Shizuo barely stopped himself from laughing out loud. He watched Kasuka rush over to Ruri who had covered her face, and he smiled when he realized just how similar the two lovers were. Both had that emotionless look on their faces, with those half-closed eyes, and yet neither of them looked empty on the inside. Shizuo was certain that Kasuka had emotions, only that his little brother couldn't bring them to the surface unless it was through acting. It was a pity, since a part of him really liked the chatty Hanejima Yuuhei.

"Nii-san, could you go buy some food for Ruri-san? She hasn't eaten anything today." Without waiting for an answer, Kasuka handed Shizuo his credit card.

"I'm not hungry," Ruri interjected, but Kasuka ignored her and instructed Shizuo on what to buy. She was nervous about being inside that apartment, especially after being hit so brutally by Kasuka's brother. The man had injured her badly, so she knew just how strong the older Heiwajima was. On the bright side, it didn't look like he recognized her―which was no surprise considering she had been wearing a costume.

"Are you okay?" Kasuka asked as he sat down next to her. "We'll keep you safe," and he felt relief when Ruri nodded. He liked her, and he didn't want anything bad happening to her. On the other hand, Kasuka knew that Shizuo was unhappy about the whole situation, but he didn't know what else to do. As much as he hated to admit, Shizuo could protect Ruri if need be, and while Kasuka was not weak himself, he lacked his brother's monstrous strength. Besides, the stalker would have to be insane to attack them inside the apartment belonging to the strongest man in Ikebukuro. As for his brother, regardless of what Shizuo had done, he didn't think him capable of hurting Ruri. Kasuka himself would be there to protect her no matter what.

"I'll be right back," Shizuo mumbled unhappily as he left the small hallway and headed towards the door. The whole situation was pissing him off, especially since he wanted to rest and yet he had no choice but to get dressed again and go buy food when he himself was starving. A growl left his lips as he locked the door behind him, and after shoving his hands inside his pockets, he made his way towards the nearest store.

Inside the apartment, Kasuka was worried about the sleeping arrangements. No matter how he looked at it, there was no way he'd sleep with Ruri. They might've told the press they were together, but the two of them hadn't even kissed yet, so sleeping in the same room was simply inappropriate. He knew that Shizuo told him to sleep in there with her as revenge for not telling him the truth, but Kasuka refused to listen to his brother's nonsense. "Ruri-san, I'll go clean my brother's room for you," he told her as he stood up, but when he tried to move away, she tightly gripped his sleeve.

"There's no need for that. I'm already grateful for all your help."

"I want to." When she finally released his sleeve, he made his way to the bedroom. Shizuo's room was not exactly a mess, but nor was it clean. Clothes had been thrown haphazardly on the bed, and there were a few empty pudding cups. "Really, nii-san? You could at least throw them out after you eat this stuff," he complained as he picked up the small containers and threw them into a bag before picking up the clothes and folding them neatly. He only left out what Shizuo was wearing when he opened the door. By the time he was done making the room look somewhat presentable, Shizuo came back from the store. Remembering how Ruri had been afraid of him for some reason, he rushed back to the living room.

"I got what you wanted," Shizuo stated as he handed Kasuka the bag.

Kasuka thanked him and they both went into the kitchen to unload the stuff.

"Were you about to eat when we showed up?"

Shizuo nodded as he poured the lukewarm water into the sink.

"It's okay, nii-san. I'll cook something and we'll all eat together." Kasuka felt a bit excited at the thought of eating with his brother, especially since they hadn't had dinner together in a very long time. "What would you like?"

Awkwardly scratching the back of his head, Shizuo gave the questions some thought. He normally ate junk food, so to eat a proper meal sounded heavenly. He didn't even know what to ask for, especially after picking up so much stuff. "Hmm, I think I'd like some―" He never got to finish though because he heard a knock on the door and both of them went on alert. Shizuo was the first to break the silence. "It can't be the stalker. He wouldn't knock." When Kasuka nodded, Shizuo made his way to the door, never expecting to find an almost frantic-looking Izaya with his hand in mid-air as he was about to knock again.

"Shizu-chan, we need to talk." Without waiting for a reply, he pushed past the beast and went inside the apartment, but he ended up stopping in his tracks when he noticed Ruri on the couch and Kasuka standing at the door leading towards the kitchen. "Ah... I apologize. I didn't know you had guests."

"What do you want, Izaya?" Kasuka asked in a tone that was anything but friendly.

The corners of Izaya's lips went up into a nasty smile, and before Shizuo could ask him the same question, he turned to the blond. "We need to talk, in private."

"Why would my brother―"

"Kasu-chan, I suggest you stay out of it. Instead, worry about protecting Ruri-san, ne?"

Everyone in the room tensed at the remark. Obviously, Izaya knew about the stalker―most likely from TV―and both Shizuo and Kasuka knew that the man wouldn't hesitate to reveal her location if it would somehow benefit him.

"Fine, come with me," Shizuo said with a growl as he grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him up the stairs and towards the building's rooftop. As they made their way there, Izaya didn't struggle to free himself once, which somewhat confused Shizuo. He only released him when they got there. The first thing he did was to fish out the cigarettes so that he could fill his lungs with nicotine, but he ended up shoving it back into his pocket with a sigh when he noticed how faint Izaya looked as those red eyes fell on the packet in his hands. "I forgot you can't stand the smoke."

"I could never stand the smoke, Shizu-chan." Cigarettes were unhealthy, and they smelled bad, but there was more to it than that.

"You never complained before," Shizuo pointed out as he leaned against the rail. Luckily, the thing was sturdy, otherwise he might've ended up as nothing more than a stain on the pavement below.

Izaya approached the rail as well and rested his arm against it, looking far into the distance and wearing a tortured expression on his face. "Before, it was just something annoying, but now I associate the smell with that night," he told his archenemy. The more Shizuo hurt, the better. All the embarrassing things he'd told the blond were meant to further increase the idiot's guilt. Izaya was not one to flaunt around his weaknesses, but when it came to Shizuo, he wanted the man to know everything, because the protozoan seemed to drown in guilt each time Izaya revealed more of the things that Shizuo had succeeded in breaking inside of him.

Instead of the usual apologies, Shizuo stayed silent, head downcast and eyes fixed on the ground.

"I can still smell it, you know?" Izaya continued, hoping to further push the knife into Shizuo's beastly heart. "That disgusting smell embedded in your fingers as you covered my mouth, and that same disgusting smell you breathed out as you kept asking me questions meant to humiliate me: 'How does it feel to be fucked raw by the person you hate the most?' and 'Broken already, flea?' And then, when the pain in my stabbed leg turned unbearable, you said 'It's supposed to hurt, you dumb fuck!'" Izaya nearly chocked on that last word, dizziness suddenly overtaking him to the point that he had to step away from the rail least he wanted to end up accidentally falling the moment he was hit by vertigo.

Guilt viciously feasted on his flesh as Shizuo watched Izaya move away from the edge on unsteady legs. The flea looked like he was one step away from passing out, and even though Shizuo was tempted to go help him, he didn't dare. Instead, he chose to ask him if he was fine.

Izaya was anything but fine, but that wasn't something Shizuo needed to know, so he waved a dismissive hand. "I'll be okay. More importantly, we have things to talk about."

Stepping away from the rail as well, Shizuo approached Izaya. "Right, why are you here?"

"I'm here because of this," Izaya said as he handed Shizuo the note, "and this," he then added after passing him the printed image as well. Judging by Shizuo's confused expression, the protozoan obviously had no idea what was going on, so after letting out a sigh, Izaya proceeded to explain to the idiot before him why they were screwed. "The day you were released by the police, I found the note under my door. Whoever sent this note, knows about what happened that night." Izaya's voice was shaky, the terror crawling beneath his skin almost making him shiver.

"You can't hide the truth forever," Shizuo read it out loud before he turned the sheet of paper around. "This could be about anything. After all, you're an Informant," Shizuo remarked, his expression set into one of disgust. He'd always hated Izaya for buying and selling information like it was nothing.

Izaya shook his head in disbelief. "Are you really this dense? The other one I found this morning. Look at the image, just look at it!"

Head slightly tilted to the side, Shizuo's eyes roamed over the image. The only thing he saw in it was Izaya. "Oh..." he exclaimed when he finally realized in front of which building the photo had been taken. "What were you doing in front of my apartment building?"

"Are you really this stupid?" Izaya roared and grabbed the two items from Shizuo's hands. "It was that day when I showed up at your apartment and I fell asleep on your couch. Obviously, someone followed me there and then stayed the entire time until I left in the morning. That note plus the image obviously indicate that someone knows you raped me, you un-evolved life form!" he roared again, and before he could control himself, he raised a fist and crashed it into Shizuo's right cheek, the beast's head flying to the side. Realizing what he'd just done, he dropped the note and the paper and jumped backwards as he pulled out his switchblades and flicked them open.

Shizuo, who was still a bit stunned by the outburst, slowly rotated his head until their eyes met. A part of him, the Ikebukuro monster part of him to be more precise, wanted to smash Izaya's head into the ground and then throw the bastard off the building. _Kill, kill, kill,_this part of him echoed in his head, and he let out a dangerous growl while his eyes burned with hatred as he burned holes into the smaller man who had dared to punch him in the face. Those red eyes were filled with fear though, and whenever he gazed at them, he couldn't help but remember the broken, bleeding creature lying in a pool of its own blood and trembling in both terror and cold as the monster that had just tore it to pieces towered over it. Unclenching his fists, he closed his eyes and inhaled and exhaled a few times, hoping that when he opened them again, he wouldn't feel the urge to beat Izaya bloody. _He reacted like that because he's scared_, he tried convincing himself. Finding excuses for Izaya was a good step towards calming down. _If someone really knows, then his pride must be in tatters, more than it already was._Besides, it wasn't like the punch hurt. In fact, he could've stopped Izaya before the man even landed the hit, but he feared that he might obliterate that frail wrist. Once again, Izaya looked like a cornered, injured animal, and Shizuo didn't want the man to lash out at him out of fear. _Calm down, Heiwajima Shizuo; you can do it,_he continued to repeat inside his head until he finally let out a sigh and opened his eyes. "You're right. It's about that night."

Seeing how Shizuo had no intention of attacking him, Izaya slowly lowered his arms but still didn't pocket the switchblades. He didn't trust the beast; he never had.

"Mhm; it's what I've been saying from the start."

With a nod, Shizuo shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Any clues on who is behind this?"

"I have a few ideas, but I can't go asking them about it. I'd be revealing our sordid secret to more people by doing so." Now that they were back to talking like two civilized adults, he pocketed his switchblades and kept his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. Because of the accursed note, he'd barely gotten any sleep, and he also hadn't been able to eat anything. It wasn't even that cold outside, but the exhaustion was starting to catch up to him. "There's a way we can find out who did it, or at least find someone who could lead us to the person behind all of this. It's why I came here to begin with. I've been going around Shinjuku since I got it, asking people if they remembered printing this for someone, but no one recognized it. The image might've been printed in Ikebukuro. I can't do this alone," Izaya admitted. "Follow me so that we can make a copy, and then we'll both ask around."

Shizuo's hands balled into fists inside his pockets, but after about a minute or so of tense silence, he relaxed them and agreed to help Izaya. He didn't like the idea of anyone blackmailing either of them with what happened that night. Too many people already knew about it, and such sneaky games, with notes and images, really pissed him off. The two of them made their way to the nearest store, and after making a copy of the image, they both went in different directions. They agreed to meet downtown in about five hours, which suited Shizuo just fine because he couldn't wait to grab some food.

With a growling stomach, he went from store to store, each time walking out angrier than when he walked in. No one knew anything, and since Izaya wasn't calling him, the flea was obviously not having any luck either. "Fuck!" he cursed out loud and punched a wall, the skin of his knuckles splitting the moment it made contact with the hard surface. Shizuo didn't care though, just like he didn't care that his punch had left a crater behind. Instead, he reclined against the wall and lit up another cigarette. He'd been chain-smoking them the second he split up from Izaya. He didn't even want to think about what the flea had said, but the bastard's words still echoed in his head: _'I can still smell it, you know?'_Izaya might've thought that Shizuo was stupid, but while he wasn't exactly as intelligent as the insect, he wasn't as dumb as people thought he was. The reason why Izaya couldn't stand the smoke was because the man was traumatized, and Shizuo had no idea if Izaya would ever be able to overcome the trauma. The fact that he'd burned him with the cigarette that night only made things worse. Once he finished smoking the cigarette, he headed towards the meeting place, but a group of teenage girls pissed him off by giggling like idiots and squealing while looking at him. "Beat it!" he snarled, and luckily, the girls ran away screeching in fear. "Tch!" lately, more and more girls were acting like that, and it was pissing him off to no end.

"No luck here. How about you?" He'd hoped that Shizuo had had more luck, but judging by the irritated look on the beast's face, neither of them had succeeded in finding the culprit.

"I need something to eat," Shizuo declared, and when Izaya tried to protest, he cut him off with a murderous glare. "Actually, I need to relieve myself first," he said, frowning, and made his way toward the nearest public bathroom. He was about to go in when he ended up getting stuck at the door when the flea tried to go in as well. Immediately, the two of them took a step back and glared at each other.

"I have to go too," Izaya declared.

Shizuo's eyes narrowed into murderous slits. "I'm not stopping you."

With a gasp of disbelief, Izaya infinitesimally moved backwards a bit. "You think I'd go in there with you?"

Shizuo shrugged and went in, leaving a fuming Izaya outside the door. He'd been holding it in for far too long, and there was a limit as to how nice he would treat the flea.

Outside the bathroom, Izaya was whimpering in agony. He doubted he could hold it in any longer, so after he gathered his courage, he stormed into the bathroom, entered a stall and slammed the door behind him.

His hands trembled as he unzipped his pants, and even though the beast was outside, he chose to ignore the monster's presence least he wanted to throw up right there and then.

As he zipped up his pants, Shizuo stopped himself from mocking Izaya by calling him a girl for hiding inside the bathroom stall. After what happened between them, he really couldn't blame the man. Izaya looked paler than usual when he stepped out, but when he saw him heading towards the door, Shizuo called out. "Are you really going to leave here without washing your hands? I always thought you were a dirty bastard, but this just confirms it," he said, smirking. As expected, Izaya stopped in his tracks and turned around, his expression now set into a murderous glare. Shizuo had to admit that he preferred an angry Izaya over a terrified one any day of the week.

Izaya let out a sneer as he made his way to the sink where he washed his hands before rushing out of the bathroom, Shizuo following closely behind me.

"Food, now," Shizuo ordered as he grabbed Izaya by the hood and steered him in the direction of the nearest decent place where they could grab something to eat.

"Hey!" Izaya protested weakly. Truth be told, he was having a hard time standing up after starving himself for so long, and as much as he didn't exactly feel like eating, he knew he needed energy if he wanted to continue looking for the culprit. When it was like that, with Shizuo grabbing him without being angry at him, Izaya didn't feel like he was in danger around him. It was during the moments when Shizuo looked like he was about to murder him that Izaya was reminded just how dangerous the man was. "Let me guess," Izaya said in an amused tone as he sat down at the table. "You're going to order cake, or something like that."

Shizuo shot him a disbelieving look. "Like hell I will! I want a big bowl of ramen. I haven't eaten anything today."

"I haven't eaten anything in... a week," Izaya said absentmindedly as he signaled the waiter to come over. In the end, they had both agreed that a restaurant was a far better choice than eating somewhere outside where everyone could see them together. "I'll have otoro, while the gentleman here will have the largest portion of ramen you can make."

Meanwhile, Shizuo was still so shocked by Izaya's confession that he didn't even know what to say. How did the flea even function without any food? It really was no wonder that the man was so skinny, that baggy jacket most likely hiding just how malnourished Izaya was. Shizuo couldn't even go one day without food, and yet Izaya hadn't eaten in so long. It also made him wonder just for how long he'd starved himself to look that skinny back when the two of them had met at Shinra's apartment a few weeks after the alley 'incident.' "Flea," he finally said when he found his voice, "you should eat more or you're really gonna end up looking like a flea."

Unable to keep in it, Izaya burst into laughter. For a beast, Shizuo could be quite funny at time. "Wouldn't that be perfect though? I'd be the insect you've always accused me of being."

"Yeah, well, I'd rather have the old Izaya back." The words left Shizuo's mouth before he could stop himself, and he ended up looking away embarrassed when he realized what he'd just said.

"Neither of us can go back to what we used to be... not anymore."

"I know," Shizuo said, looking pensive, and the two of them waited for the food and then ate in silence. Izaya mostly picked at the food while Shizuo wolfed down the ramen, but after about half an hour of waiting for the flea to finish eating, Shizuo decided he had enough. "If you're not gonna eat, then let's go," he muttered unhappily as he got up. When Izaya weakly nodded, they both left the restaurant after paying for their respective meals.

Izaya gave him instructions on where to search next, and just as they were about to head in different directions, a string of giggles erupted from somewhere behind him. The two of them turned to see what it was all about, but instead of the girls running away after seeing their murderous glares, they continued to giggle and whisper things in each other's ears.

"Ne, ne, what's so funny?" Izaya inquired, smiling.

Shizuo on the other hand, growled out the words. "Yah, what's so funny?"

Instead of answering, the girls burst into laughter and ran away. Normally, Shizuo and Izaya wouldn't have thought much of it, but the same scenario had happened several times that day, and seeing how one of them even took a picture of them, they both found it to be extremely suspicious. Without a second thought, they ran after them, making the girls scream in fear when the three of them realized they had just incurred the wrath of two very dangerous people. No one knew Ikebukuro's streets better than Ikebukuro's two strongest people, so after splitting up, they ended up trapping the girls into an alley.

"P-please don't h-hurt us!" one of them begged pathetically. "We haven't d-done anything wrong."

"Quiet, Hime," the tallest of the three ordered as she stepped in front of her friends. "We've done nothing wrong," she then added, but before she even had a chance to protest, Izaya ripped the phone from her hand, dropped it on the dirty ground and stepped on it.

"Really now?" His smile was dangerous, and it seemed to work because even the strongest of the three seemed too scared to complain about her broken phone. "I don't remember giving you permission to take my photo."

"It's a free country!" the third one shouted from behind the safety of her taller friend, but she ended up screeching when Shizuo punched the wall they were cuddled against.

"All of you have been talking shit behind our backs for the past few days. Tell me what's going on before I really lose it," he warned, his eyes burning with barely restrained fury. "TALK!" he snarled.

"A-an... a-add...ress," the one called Hime stuttered.

Izaya kicked away the broken phone before leaning in and slamming a hand against the wall, startling Hime so much that the girl burst into tears. "What address?"

"IT'S A SITE, OKAY?" the girl in the front shouted before she turned to her terrified friend and pulled her into a hug.

Pulling out his phone, Izaya dangled it in front of her. "Tell me the address, ne? I promise we'll let you go."

Glaring, the teenager finally revealed the mysterious address. "www dot Ikebukuro hyphen romance dot jp."

"Thank you," Izaya said with a smile and pulled back his arm. "Shizu-chan, let's go," he chirped as he made his way out of the alley. He thought it was best to put some distance between themselves and the girls, especially after scaring them so much. Normally, he wasn't so aggressive, but he was not in the mood for games. After about five minutes of walking, they stopped behind a big store, knowing that only the employees went there to drop the garbage. Either way, it was a place where they could talk in peace. "Okay now, let's see," he said as he retrieved the phone from the pocket of his pants and typed the address while Shizuo continued to pace around like a lion trapped inside a cage. He knew that being alone with Shizuo was a bad idea, but he had more important things to worry about. When the site loaded, he blinked in confusion, but not even half a minute later he was overcome with nausea and he would've collapsed if not for Shizuo putting a break on his descent by wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Oi, what's wrong. Izaya! Hey!" Shizuo kept trying, but Izaya's only answer was a moan of agony as the man continued to grip the phone tightly even though he couldn't even stand on his own two feet anymore. Realizing that whatever was written on that phone was the cause of it, Shizuo ripped it from Izaya's cold fingers while ignoring the weak protest coming from the Informant. "What's gotten you so shocked?" he asked, frowning, but after reading a bit of what Izaya had read a few moments earlier, he felt quite faint himself. "What is... this?"


	50. Disintegration

Chapter 50: Disintegration

.

As though he doubted his own eyes, Shizuo continued to read in disbelief.

_Izaya's intense cries of ecstasy echoed throughout his enemy's small apartment as Ikebukuro's beast continued to thrust into him. He really couldn't think much whenever Shizuo unleashed his lust upon him, but it still amazed him how the man who claimed to hate him seemed so desperate to borrow himself deeper within him with each new forward motion. "Bea...ahh...st!" Izaya whispered besides Shizuo's ear as the man appeared to be dead set on driving his once enemy, now lover, to an early grave, the pleasure overload almost turning Izaya's brain to mush. "Shut up, flea," Shizuo said, grinning and_―

"What the hell?" Shizuo couldn't help but cry out again. He felt his face heat up after reading a bit more of what was written, and no matter how much he wanted to erase it from his mind, he couldn't. What was written there was very different from what happened back when Shizuo kept driving into Izaya with the sole intent of breaking the man to pieces. Izaya's moans had been of agony, not of pleasure, and Shizuo nearly felt sick as the two opposite images twisted and turned inside his head at a dizzying speed. Unfortunately, as much as he wanted to wallow in misery, he couldn't afford it. His eyes fell back on Izaya, the man's wan face making him worry. "Oi, flea," he tried, but Izaya seemed to be in a world of his own. "Izaya!" he tried again, but it didn't look like the poor man was able to comprehend a word he was saying. Seeing no other choice, he pocketed the phone, picked up Izaya into his arms and headed towards the restaurant's back door. It only took a few paces to reach it, but it was enough to make Shizuo worry when he realized that Izaya might've passed out. Raising a foot, he kicked the door open and walked inside.

"Hey, you're not allowed―" one of the employees tried, but he was cut off by the blond's angry growl.

"He passed out." Judging by the terrified look one of the people was giving him, the man knew who he was. "You," Shizuo barked his command, "help him!"

The man's face went as white as a sheet, but he nonetheless guided Shizuo to a nearby room where the employees ate or hanged out during breaks. Immediately, Shizuo laid Izaya on the table and turned dangerous eyes towards the people trying to pell-mell into the room. "Leave!" he ordered, and even though most of them didn't seem to know who he was, they still made themselves scarce. "You stay," he then added as pointed at the employee who'd shown him the room.

The man approached the terrifying duo that was Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya with legs weakened by the fear he felt rushing through his veins. Realizing that he had no choice but to help―even though he had no idea why Ikebukuro's monster would ever want to help Orihara Izaya―he picked up a glass of water, dove his fingers in it and then splashed some droplets onto the pale face belonging to an extremely dangerous Informant. "Raise his legs," he instructed Shizuo while he struggled to take off Izaya's jacket, but he stopped when he heard a ferocious growl. The sound reverberated throughout his brain, and before he even knew what he was doing, he was down on his knees begging for forgiveness with his head touching the floor and his palms flat against the surface. "I'm sorry, please forgive me! I was just trying to loosen his jacket!" the man tried in an attempt to explain himself.

Shizuo felt a bit embarrassed for reacting that way, but he had a feeling that Izaya would not appreciate some stranger divesting him of his clothes even if it was only the jacket. "I'll do it," he informed the man as he pulled Izaya's arms out of the sleeves, wrapped an arm around the much smaller back and lifted it a bit higher to pull out the jacket from underneath the passed out form. It was almost ridiculous how gentle he was being to the insect, especially after what had happened that night, but what guided him was the suffocating guilt he felt towards the man, and he had a feeling that he would never be able to rid himself of it for as long as he lived. Seeing Izaya's unconscious form, and feeling the bones beneath the baggy t-shirt, served as further confirmation that Izaya was on a downwards spiral of blood, revenge and suffering. He remembered the strong body from back then, struggling to get away, the way those muscles had shook underneath the porcelain skin as Shizuo had restrained his prey and proceeded to utterly crush the man by shattering his soul and pride to a thousand pieces. Shizuo felt ashamed, but it was a feeling he was starting to get used to. Nothing would ever erase what he'd done, the proof being right before his very eyes. "What now, ehh... what's your name?" he asked, hoping to distract himself from memories of Izaya screaming into his palm.

"Matsuda!" the man shouted as he jumped to his feet.

"Matsuda… Well, get on with it." As soon as he gave the green light, the man wet his hand again and ran it over Izaya's forehead, face, neck and collarbone before finally slapping him gently on the cheek.

"Orihara Izaya-san, wake up! Orihara-san!" Matsuda kept repeating and shaking him gently until red-eyes, their color resembling that of blood, fixed him with their gaze. "Ori―" but the rest of the word ended up as nothing more than a squeak the moment he was pushed away by Ikebukuro's strongest. "Leave," he heard the man say, and he didn't need to be told twice. He rushed out the door and closed it behind him, relief overflowing him for having survived the encounter.

Inside, Shizuo carefully moved Izaya's head in his direction, but judging by the hazy stare, it didn't look like Izaya was fully back. "Flea, are you okay?" he tried in a gentle tone, but then all hell broke lose when recognition came back to Izaya's blood-red orbs and the man―even though mere moments before had been unconscious―started struggling for all he was worth to get away from him. "Izaya, calm down!" he tried, but Izaya's eyes only grew wider with terror.

In his bleary mind, he was back in that alley, the place where he'd been stripped of his god-like status and flung down to a much lower level than even that of a regular human. He loathed those hazel eyes and their disgusting pale color, staring him down as though he was nothing more than an insect deserving to be squashed. Just like back then, the fear rushed through his veins like the blood pumping through them at such dizzying speed that he could almost hear the sound in his ears. He couldn't escape the beast. He wanted everything to stop, _please stop, pleasestop, stop, stopstop,_but the monster was enjoying himself too much to put a halt to his sordid activities before finally ruining him beyond repair.

"Izaya!" the sharp sound sliced through the fog in his mind, and it was then when he finally realized that he was cowering in the corner of a foreign room. _Huh?_Where was he? And why was Shizuo looking so broken when the monster had been the one doing the breaking? Slowly, he straightened his back as he took in his surroundings. He remembered the site, reading it, and how the disgusting words written on it had made him sick to the core of his very being. He remembered the dizziness and the nausea, and then nothing. He wasn't in that alley, bleeding on the dirty ground and feeling the heavy weight of the rain whipping his battered body. Inside this room it was dry and warm; he wasn't _there._ Focusing on Shizuo again, who was standing still in the middle of the room, Izaya came to the conclusion that he must've passed out. A broken laugh almost spilled past his lips, but he pressed his lips tightly together to contain in. It was ridiculous, that he would end up getting help from this monster of a man who was the cause of everything that had gone wrong in his life. His eyes drifted over to the jacket placed on the chair next to the table, and this time he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Shizu-chan, were you trying to take advantage of me while I was unconscious?" Of course, the mere idea of what he was saying made him sick, but he wanted to cover his own shame at having reacted in such a cowardly way by making Shizuo feel both embarrassed and insulted.

"I was just tryin' to help," Shizuo mumbled as he picked up the jacket and threw it in the insect's direction. Izaya was too slow to catch it in time, so when the clothing article fell on the floor, the man glared murder at him. Instead of apologizing, Shizuo shrugged and turned to leave. "I'll wait for you outside," he said over his shoulder as he walked out and closed the door behind him.

"I don't need your help, you dumb brute," Izaya mumbled to himself after Shizuo had left the room. His limbs were still shaking with fine tremors, but he forced his weary body to bend down and pick up the jacket. "Ruining my coat wasn't enough for you?" he hissed between tightly clenched teeth as he proceeded to dust off his precious jacket. He couldn't help but wonder if the brute had carried him all the way to wherever he was. The simple thought brought a disgusting taste to his mouth on top of the bitter one, but he clicked his tongue and slowly made his way towards the door. He wouldn't thank Shizuo for anything; after all, the monster didn't deserve his gratitude. Taking a deep breathe, he forced a relaxed smile on his face before he pressed the door's handle and stepped out of the small room and into what appeared to be a restaurant's kitchen. "Ah," he exclaimed before he could stop himself. The people there were busy preparing food, but there was one person who was talking to Shizuo.

"I'm glad to see you're doing better," the stranger said, and Izaya's brow quirked upwards into a questioning manner.

"Thanks for your help," Shizuo told Matsuda before he headed towards the exit, Izaya chirping his thanks in a lively voice as he followed behind the monster of his nightmares. "You should go home for today," Shizuo told him as soon as they were outside. "You don't look too well."

"Do you really think I'll stop now?" Izaya nearly spat out the words in disgust.

The urge to smack Izaya unconscious almost overwhelmed Shizuo for a moment, but instead he balled his hands into tight fists and shoved them inside the pockets of his jacket. "What are you planning now?"

"We'll continue looking for the person who requested for the picture to be printed, and in the meantime, I'll call one of my contacts," Izaya said, the corners of his lips going upwards into a disturbing smile that promised pain and suffering to whoever had been unlucky enough to incur the Informant's wrath.

Shizuo nodded and handed him the phone. Izaya glowered at him for a few moments, but instead of starting another fight, he took it from the beastly hand and they both headed towards the next store. Izaya walked beside him, talking on the phone with someone and ordering that person to find the owner of that messed up site, even if that meant hacking it. Truth be told, Shizuo wanted to know just as badly if not more. Instead of splitting up again, they continued to walk together, ignoring the strange looks some people were giving them once in a while. There were only a few stores left to check, and they were all in the same direction, so there was no point in splitting up, especially after Izaya had passed out. The man still looked as white as a ghost, and despite his dislike for the insect, Shizuo didn't want him to end up passing out in the middle of the street. It was ridiculous that he even cared as much as he did, but he guessed that he didn't want to add to his already mountain-high guilt. What he wanted was to atone for his sins, and even though he was certain that Izaya would never forgive him, he still couldn't stop trying to achieve redemption somehow. His apologies meant nothing to Izaya, but helping the man made him feel better in a selfish kind of way, and he'd take every opportunity he got to lessen the guilt weighting on both his heart and mind. "About earlier..." he spoke softly when he realized that Izaya might be embarrassed about it, "I shouldn't have touched you. I had no choice though."

Izaya let out long sigh and slipped cold hands into the pockets of his jacket. His fingers brushed against the neatly folded sheet of paper and he wondered if he'd find the one responsible for forcing him into such a situation that he'd require Shizuo's help. His eyes drifted over to the blond's twitching fingers, and he knew how hard the beast was struggling to not smoke in his presence. The monster was still a monster, but at least he was trying to be considerate. Finally, when he senses Shizuo's stare boring into his form, Izaya let out a sound of annoyance and stopped in his tracks. "Forget what you saw. It doesn't concern you anyway."

"It doesn't concern me?" Shizuo asked in disbelief as he balled his hands into fists and glared at Izaya with burning hazel eyes.

"It doesn't," Izaya repeated and then continued to walk, leaving a stunned Shizuo behind. Just when he thought that the beast would no longer follow him, he heard hurried footsteps heading towards him. They were walking side by side again, two enemies being forced to work together because of certain circumstances beyond their control. A nasty smile spread across his face and he turned to Shizuo. "Even I can get startled by your ugly face."

The urge to throttle Izaya surged from somewhere deep within, but Shizuo shoved it back and continued to follow the man. It was just like Izaya to use jokes and insults to squeeze through tough conversations and situations, and Shizuo thought that Izaya had never resembled a bratty child as much as he did right then. As always, Izaya's mocking glare made him want to punch the bastard so that he could once again wipe that disgusting smirk off that irritating face. Deciding that it was best to ignore the flea, he kept his mouth shut and continued to follow the bastard to the next store, which also turned out to be a dead end, as did the following three, but on the fourth one the clerk seemed to remember having printed that picture a few days earlier.

Izaya's heart beat wildly inside his chest as he pulled out some money and placed them on the counter. "If you can describe to me how that person looked like, these," and here he tapped the bills with his index finger, "are yours." After so many days of torment and fear, he'd finally caught a lead, and he wasn't about to waste the opportunity to find out everything there was to know about the person who had dared to torment him.

The man's eyes glowed. It looked like his salary for a whole week. He coughed, almost chocking at the thought of getting the money so easily. "It was a woman." The finger tapping on the bills stopped, and the blond man's brows furrowed in something that looked like seething fury. Judging by their expression, they were desperate to know who this woman was. Putting on an innocent smile, he sighed loudly. "My memory is a bit hazy when it comes to what she looked like," he said in the hope of getting more money, but then his small beady eyes met the almost crimson one of the man offering him the money for the information and the chill he felt as they stared at one another made him spew the description before he even knew what he'd done. "She was wearing a black hat and a long sleeve, black matching dress with black ankle boots. She was carrying a small silver slash bag. She has dark brown eyes and her side bangs reached her chin!"

Both Shizuo and Izaya stood there frozen for a few moments, until Izaya raised his hand and pulled out his phone. He dialed as he exited the store, Shizuo following behind him in a numb sort of state. "Did you find out anything?" Izaya asked, but when he heard the other man chuckle into the phone, he barely stopped himself from hurling it to the ground. "Onishi," he growled out the name in an uncharacteristic way, and it seemed the other picked up on the not so subtle threat because he gave a long sigh before finally telling him what he wanted to know.

_"Karisawa Erika. About the payment... this wasn't easy you know? I expect_―"

Izaya ended the call. He was gripping the device so tightly that his knuckled were turning white.

"Whose site is it?" Shizuo inquired.

"Karisawa," was Izaya's simple answer. He'd been so stupid, assuming that it was about the rape when the disgusting woman had most likely been referring to his non-existent relationship with Shizuo. He should've seen it, but he'd been so blinded by fear that he couldn't see past what was in front of him. The site, the giggles, the note, the stalking, they were all obvious signs of a disgusting fujoshi trying to get him and the monster together. Out of nowhere, he started laughing, a laugh so insane that made Shizuo take a step backwards. "Stupid, so stupid, stupidstupid," Izaya kept repeating the words like a mantra as he made his way towards the place where he knew Erika liked to hang out. If they were lucky, she'd be alone, and even if she wasn't, he still had no plans of letting her go. Her stupid assumption had nearly driven him to despair, and he wasn't about to let it slide. The fujoshi would pay for having played such games with him. Suddenly, as though he'd forgotten Shizuo was even there, he cast the man a glace, and judging by the stiff posture, the twitching fingers and the veins protruding on the beast's forehead, he too was beyond pissed at the stupid woman. For once, they shared a common goal, which was to make Karisawa Erika pay. Izaya's hand tightened around the handle of the switchblades in his pockets as he fantasized of a few ways on how to carve that skin as punishment for what she'd done.

"Ne, Shizu-chan, do you want me to tell you something else that Kasuka said?"

Shizuo's head snapped in Izaya's direction, and he let out a small sound of annoyance. "I'm not in the mood for your games right now," he hissed.

"No games. Just follow my lead with Karisawa and I'll tell you something interesting. I promise~! Don't look at me like that, ne? I'm not going to hurt her. I'm not a monster," he added, pouting.

Izaya's word didn't mean much to Shizuo, but he nodded nonetheless.

As expected, she was inside one of the manga stores, but she wasn't alone. Pulling out the phone again, he looked through his contacts list and pressed enter after finding her number. "Shizu-chan and I have a confession to make." As soon as he finished saying those words, he heard her squeal into the phone, and he had to try really hard to not let the disgust he felt seep into his voice as he spoke his next words. "We're outside the store," he chirped in a cheerful manner and waved when Erika turned to look out the window, "so can you come outside for a second? Alone if possible." As if on cue, the woman dashed out of the store and nearly got hit by a car as she attempted to cross the street without looking left and right.

"Kyaa! I knew Izayan and Shizu-Shizu were an item, but everyone else thought I was crazy!" Her eyes glowed brightly as her gaze moved from one to the other, her perverted brain already coming up with a few ideas for her next Shizaya one-shot.

Smiling, Izaya wrapped an arm around her shoulders and started leading her away. "I'll tell you more, but not here~!" Seeing her nod frantically, he steered her in the direction of a less populated area. Shizuo wasn't saying anything, but he had a feeling that the monster was having a hard time not bashing Karisawa's head into the nearest wall. Shizuo might've been a stupid protozoan, but it seemed like even his two neurons were able to put two and two together and figure out that Erika was behind the note and the picture too.

"Is Shizu-Shizu the beast I imagine him to be in bed?" she asked excitedly, not yet realizing that she was being led towards a construction site.

"Mhmm," Izaya confirmed with a large, fake smile on his face. _"Beast_ is an understatement~!" Izaya sang, but right at that moment Shizuo let out a terrifying growl, enough to make the hair on the back of his neck stand out. "Come now, Shizu-chan, there's no point in hiding it any longer. Karisawa was just trying to help. The note, the picture, the fanfiction. Oh, the fanfiction~!"

"You liked that? Erika squealed, her face going as red as a tomato. I... I wasn't sure if I got it right."

As though he was trying to reassure a lamb being led to slaughter, Izaya gently raised his arm and patted her on the head. "It was fine." A look at Shizuo confirmed that the beast was one step away from losing it, and it surprised him that he hadn't even noticed when the blond had uprooted a stop sign from the side of the street. Ikebukuro's monster's whole body was shaking with fury, and before Shizuo lost it and really killed the stupid woman, Izaya pushed her so hard that she ended up falling on her knees.

She let out a strangled cry of pain, and it was only then when she realized where they were. "What's going on―" She didn't get to finish though, because a stop sign embedded itself into the ground next to her and she ended up screaming in terror. As the stop sign was pulled out, she stumbled to her feet and away, now facing what appeared to be two very enraged and very dangerous men. "W-what is going―?" she repeated in a shaky voice, but she ended up choking on the words when Izaya slowly pulled out the switchblades from inside the pockets of his jacket, slowly, slowly, almost as if to prolong the terror he knew she was most likely feeling. For the first time in her life, Karisawa Erika feared for her life.

"Did you think that you could play with _me,_ Orihara Izaya?"

"I... I..." she stuttered, her back now pressed against a wall. "I was j-just fighting for l-love."

"Love?" Izaya spoke the words with such disgust that Erika was starting to doubt her theory that the two of them were in love. "The only thing we share is mutual hatred."

"I hate this bastard," Shizuo spat out the words before he took a step in Erika's direction, the noise of the stop sign as it was getting dragged across the ground making her body tremble in fear.

"And I despise this monster," Izaya added as he too moved closer, the moonlight reflected in one of his switchblades making Erika flinch when the light hit her eyes.

She felt her knees go weak, and before the two could grab her, she broke into a sprint. She didn't want to admit it, but it looked like she'd made a mistake, and it was all she could think about as she squeezed between a fence and a wall and ran across a construction site in the hope of finding the guard there. "Help!" she shouted as soon as she spotted him, but she ended up screeching when the man was sent flying by none other than Ikebukuro's beast.

"Erika-chan, you can't escape us," a malicious voice spilled from the darkness on her left, looking as though Izaya was materializing in front of her very eyes as the man moved in her direction. "Ne, Shizu-chan, how should we punish her?" the Informant's voice pierced her mind with its coldness, and her eyes darted between the red and yellow eyes of the two predators.

"I don't particularly like to hurt women, but I think she won't complain too much if we break an arm or two, considering the shit she pulled," Shizuo spoke in a serious tone as he raised his arm and rested the pipe on his shoulder.

"You heard him~!" Izaya sang out, but instead of attacking her, he walked slowly towards her, wanting the terror to sink into her very soul so that she would never screw with either of them again. As expected, she bolted yet again, but instead of chasing right away, they gave her the chance to hide. "Erika-chan~! You can't escape us! We're going to find you~!"

"Aren't we taking this too far?" Shizuo asked in a low voice so that Erika couldn't hear them.

"It's fine, it's fine; we're just playing a bit, s'all!" he assured the other while smiling sadistically. Obviously, he had no plans on actually hurting the woman, but he wasn't about to let her get away with almost driving him to despair and keeping him awake for days on end while all he could think about was that someone else knew his shameful secret. Oh no, Karisawa Erika would pay; he would make sure of it.

Shizuo let out a sigh before he lowered the stop sign and continued to drag it after him as he started looking for Erika. While he was pretty pissed about the whole thing, he had to admit that it was stupidly funny too. The two of them had freaked out over nothing, and instead of seeking revenge on a silly woman, he was simply relieved that no one else knew what really happened that night. Sure, the fanfiction, the stares, the giggles were annoying as fuck, but it wasn't serious enough to break Karisawa's bones over it. Still, the whole thing had nearly driven Izaya to insanity, and if scaring her was what the flea needed to calm down, then so be it. The alternative was to leave Izaya to take revenge by himself, and he had a feeling that it would be extremely dangerous for Karisawa. Izaya still pissed him off to no end, especially because of Kasuka, but Shizuo liked to believe that he wasn't evil enough to hurt people over something as stupid as a fujoshi's assumption that the two of them were romantically involved. Truth be told, he was tired as hell, and all he wanted was to get some sleep and then deal with Kasuka somehow.

"Erika-chan~!" Izaya called out as he started searching around the construction site, his cheerfully sadistic voice heightening the terror Erika felt at being hunted by Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya.

With trembling hands she pulled out her phone and dialed Dotachin's number. "H-help, please! They're really going to k-kill me!"

_"Wait, what's going on?"_Kadota asked in a voice filled with worry. _"Where are you?"_

"The construction site closest to the store we were in earl―kyaa!" she screamed and dropped the phone as she scrambled to get away.

"I found you~!" Izaya chirped happily from behind her as he started running after her. Shizuo blocked her path, and she ended up turning right and disappearing inside the not yet finished building. "Well, this is going to be fun," he commented as he followed her inside, Shizuo letting out a long sigh before he too went into the building.

Izaya was reminding him of a vicious cat playing with its food, and even though Karisawa had pissed him off as well, he was starting to feel sorry for her. They went from hallway to hallway and from empty apartment to empty apartment, Izaya singing an indecipherable, creepy song that made Shizuo's hair stand on end. Just as he was about to finally call it a night and tell Izaya that he was done playing games, he heard a scream from the apartment Izaya had just gone into. Immediately he rushed there and found Erika in the corner looking scared out of her mind.

"Imsorrypleasedontkillme!" she shouted, the terror of it all finally getting to her. She wasn't a coward, but Orihara Izaya was a terrifying man, and she knew well enough what happened in the past to those who had pissed off the Informant.

"Shizuo, Izaya, are you crazy?" Kadota's voice boomed in the empty apartment from somewhere behind them, and they both turned around to face the newcomer. The fact that Izaya had his switchblades out and that Shizuo was carrying a stop sign while Erika looked terrified didn't help matters either.

Izaya let out a puff of hot air, as though to expel the disgust he felt inside him by simply being in such a situation to begin with. Without any explanation, he pulled out the phone from his jacket pocket, as well as the printed image and the note and made his way towards Kadota while Walker ran out to Erika. First, he handed his former schoolmate the note, then the picture, and finally he showed him some of the stuff written on the site, leaving Kadota standing there with his mouth agape, an expression of revulsion mixed with disbelief plastered all over his face. "Not only had she been sending me anonymous notes and stalking me, but she even wrote this... this disgusting thing you see here. Because of what's written here, now more and more people laugh whenever they see either me or Shizu-chan. Tell me, Dotachin, how would you feel if let's say someone wrote something like this about you and Walker, or about you and Saburo?"

Kadota was in so much shock that he needed a few moments to recover enough so that he could answer. "I'd be pretty pissed." Even if Erika was his friend, he knew that this time she'd gone too far. Even so, he couldn't let the two of them hurt her. "I'll make sure she doesn't do this type of thing again, so how about you let her go this time?" he attempted to negotiate, but he felt a chill run down his spine when Izaya's expression turned sadistic enough to scare even someone like him. The man's almost crimson eyes spoke of some insanity hidden in their depths, and even though he'd always known that Izaya was dangerous, only now he was finally seeing what everyone else had been talking about. Between a pissed off Shizuo and a hell-bent on revenge Izaya, Walker and he couldn't do a thing to protect Erika. His eyes drifted over to Walker, and even though it looked like he was protecting her with his own body, he knew that all it took was one hit from Shizuo to knock him unconscious. "Shizuo," he then spoke in a calm voice, even though on the inside he was anything but calm, "you're not seriously planning to hurt Karisawa, are you?"

Instead of answering, Shizuo gripped the stop sign tighter, the metal bending beneath his fingers. He wasn't planning to hurt Erika, but he was supposed to follow Izaya's lead, so he chose to remain silent. He wanted to know what Kasuka had said. He was desperate to know anything about his little brother, even if that meant making a deal with the devil that was Orihara Izaya. Besides, Izaya had promised that he wouldn't hurt her, and judging by what had happened until then, the insect was keeping his word.

"Stop bothering Shizu-chan, ne? I'm willing to let her go on one condition," Izaya said, his dark chuckle resonating throughout the empty apartment.

Kadota nodded. "What do you want?"

"Bring here all of Karisawa's manga books and anime DVDs and then we'll let her go." It was a simple request, but everyone there seemed taken aback by it.

"No!" Erika shrieked in horror! "I won't ever―" She didn't get to finish though because Walker clamped a hand over her mouth. She started struggling to free herself, knowing that she had to get home and protect her precious collection, but Walker told her to stop in what was a really harsh tone. Suddenly, she went limp in his arms. If even Walker wasn't on her side then... A tear slid down her face, and then another, and when Walker released her, she ended on her knees, sobbing.

Walker thought about different ways to get out of there with Erika, but all of them involved hurting either Shizuo or Izaya, and not even he was willing to go that far for some manga. Besides, they could always buy others. Before making his final decision, he walked up to Izaya and asked to see the site too. Flipping through the text, he ended up shaking his head in disbelief. He knew Erika was into Yaoi, but to use real life people for her fantasies was wrong on too many levels. He gave a nod to Kadota's questioning gaze and then went back to Erika.

"Fine, I'll be back," Kadota muttered unhappily as he made his way out of the empty apartment.

Inside, Walker sat down next to Erika and pulled her into his arms while Shizuo finally dropped the stop sign, the sound it made as it collided with the floor making everyone there wince. "Izaya, come here for a bit," he requested, and they both made their way towards the door, which was far enough for Walker and Erika to not hear them talking while at the same time blocking their only way out. "You're going to destroy her manga?"

"Bingo! Oh, Shizu-chan, you amaze me! Perhaps you have two neurons instead of one inside that empty head of yours."

Izaya's smirk was annoying, but instead of punching him in the face, Shizuo stepped out so that he could light a cigarette. "I'll be right back," he told the man and raised the hand holding the packet when he noticed the questioning look in those brown-red eyes. It was only after he put enough distance between himself and Izaya that he lit up the cigarette and took a much needed drag from it. It'd been a crazy day, and there was only so much he could stand before finally snapping and indulging in his vice. He almost felt dirty somehow for playing along and scaring Kariswa, but it was the only way to make Izaya reveal that something the bastard had mentioned earlier. After his too many fights with Kasuka, he hoped that he could learn something which would help him figure out his little brother. Even though they were brothers, there were only so much Shizuo could understand when it came to Kasuka. They were like night and day, and even though sometimes they met halfway through, most of the times he was having a hard time understand what was going on in his little brother's head. He let out a long sigh and went back inside the apartment. He felt a bit bad at seeing Erika bawl her eyes out, but he knew that once Izaya set his mind on something, no one could do anything to change it. He didn't say anything when their eyes briefly met and instead he leaned against the wall and stared out the empty window as they waited.

About an hour later, Kadota showed up. "They're in the van," he mumbled as he led the way.

With a spring in his step, Izaya followed Dotachin down the stairs and then towards the parked van. "Carry them over there," he ordered as he pointed to a rather empty space inside the construction site. Walker was carrying Erika more than she was walking herself, but Izaya made sure to keep an eye on them in case they tried to make a run for it. He knew that he was being a bit petty about the whole thing, but goddam if he wasn't pissed about it, especially since the note had led to several breakdowns while he stressed over who knew his secret. His eyes glowed brighter with each new stack of manga they placed on the dirty ground, and once they were done he turned to Shizuo and asked him for the lighter.

"No! Please, anything but that!" Erika cried in despair as Izaya picked up one of the manga books and lit it up before dropping it on top of the others, her precious treasure going out in flames. She was in Hell. Her beloved BL manga, as well as all the others she had gathered over the years were burning under her very eyes and there was nothing she could do about it. Not even the DVDs were spared, and she ended up crying anew as she crumpled to the ground in despair.

"Ahh ha ha ha!" Izaya roared with laughter as he watched her cry her heart out. The glare she shot him was pathetic more than anything else, but that only made him laugh harder. Finally, when everything was aflame, he handed the lighter back to Shizuo and walked away, ignoring the idiot Dotachin's furious glare as well as Walker's murderous stare that he could almost feel burning holes into him. "Oh, and I want that site gone by tomorrow morning," he told Erika over his shoulder before resuming his pace.

"That was very cruel," Shizuo commented as they turned a corner and made their way to the main street.

"If that was cruel, then what do you call what you've done to me, hmm?" Izaya asked, his tone sounding spiteful. "You don't have any right to judge me, beast." He didn't even glance at Shizuo, sick of seeing that stupid guilty look the brute always gave him whenever he reminded him of that night. "As for Kasuka, he said that he's more of a monster than you and I will ever be."

"What does that mean?" Shizuo asked, confusion written all over his face.

Izaya shrugged. "I know your brain is primitive, but try using it sometimes, and if you can't figure out, then ask him yourself."

"You're such a bas―" He didn't get to finish though, because he caught sight of Celty speeding down the street with what appeared to be the full police force on her tail. Beside him, Izaya started laughing hysterically. "What's so funny?" he hissed. Regardless of what happened, he still cared about Celty, and it bothered him that Izaya would laugh at her misfortune.

"Ah... just something," Izaya replied, smirking nastily. It looked like Iwasaki finally had a talk with Kuzuhara Kinnosuke. He'd been certain that once the man found out that Celty, his prey, had dared to step inside a police station, the man would stop at nothing from capturing her, which translated into fear and stress for the Dullahan. He didn't feel sorry that his actions had led to such a thing. After all, Celty was long overdue for punishment. He'd only used her fear of the police against her, and compared to what he could've done to her, this was nothing more than an innocent joke. _Don't get caught,_he thought, looking amused, as he stared off into the distance. Without as much as a wave of his hand, he turned left and headed for the train station, leaving a confused Shizuo behind. Perhaps he'd finally succeed in getting some sleep now that he knew what the note had really been about. Relief flooded his being at the thought, and he couldn't help but smirk. _Stupid fujoshi, I hope you've learned your lesson._


	51. Area 51

**I uploaded chapters 39-51, so you might want to go back to 39. :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 51: Area 51<strong>

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Unwelcome visitors were not something Shizuo was looking forward to seeing again when finally getting home after such an eventful day, but he was too tired to care that he would have to sleep on the couch instead of his bed. After the insanity that had been the whole Karisawa thing, he hoped that he wouldn't have to see Izaya again for a very long time. Izaya's mere presence always augmented his feelings of guilt, and no matter how many times he helped or protected the flea, or simply did not bash the bastard's head into the nearest wall like he wanted to half the time, he would still never be able to redeem himself. Without meaning to, his eyes drifted lower to his hands when he recalled just how light the flea had been, but he immediately shoved them into his pockets in an attempt to forget about it. He'd realized a long time ago that he himself was responsible for what went down that night, but undoing things of the past was not within his power, so all he could do now was allow Izaya to metaphorically punch, kick and scratch at him until the man would finally be satisfied.

"Welcome back," Kasuka greeted as expected when Shizuo opened the door and walked into the apartment, but a feeling of uneasiness rose within Shizuo the moment the sound of his brother's voice reached his ears. The tone was much colder than usual, and that icy look in those brown eyes nearly sent a shiver up his spine. He recognized the stare; it was the same one Kasuka gave him whenever he did something wrong, although he couldn't even begin to guess how he'd screwed up this time around.

"What?" he snapped without thinking, but he ended up regretting using such a harsh tone when he saw the way in which Ruri flinched the moment he'd opened his stupid mouth. "You know what?" he then continued as he glared at Kasuka. "How about the two of us talk somewhere more private?" He didn't wait for an answer. Instead, he marched towards his little brother, grabbed him by the arm and then pulled him inside the bedroom before slamming the door behind him. "What's your problem?"

Kasuka's already half-closed eyes narrowed further as he fixed his foolish brother with what could only be described as a rather angry stare. "After everything that's happened, you still follow Izaya around."

Clicking his tongue in annoyance, Shizuo folded his arms in front of his chest and returned the cold stare thrown his way. "I didn't follow him around. We had something to take care of, and it was taken care of. The end."

Kasuka shook his head in disappointment. After keeping silent for so long, he decided it was about time he shared his thoughts on the matter. "You know, nii-san, at first I thought it was adorable how in denial you were about Orihara Izaya, but now it's just sad. Of course, that was before the whole forcing yourself on him _thing."_

The erroneous assumption infuriated Shizuo, so the words spilled out of his mouth before he even knew he'd spoken them. "The hell you talking about? I'm not in denial about anything!" he roared and took a step forward. As expected, Kasuka didn't even flinch, and that indifferent attitude reminded Shizuo that his brother was not someone he could intimidate; not that he would ever want to intimidate Kasuka.

"You're in denial about your feelings for Izaya," Kasuka stated as though it was an irrefutable fact. It wasn't very often that he got angry, but he couldn't deny that he'd been feeling his blood simmer ever since he saw Shizuo walk out of the apartment with Izaya.

As though he'd just been slapped in the face with those words, Shizuo took a step backwards. Kasuka's opinion regarding his so-called obsession with Izaya was something he'd heard before, but it still shocked him to hear his little brother insinuate that there was something more besides pure hatred going on between the two of them. Did his little brother really think that he'd done what he'd done because he liked the flea? "Are you insane?" he asked, disbelief marring his words as he took yet another step backwards.

"What else am I supposed to think? The second you see Izaya, you run after him, and even though you claim to hate him, you had no problem with―" Luckily, he managed to stop himself in time. The thought alone made him uncomfortable and the sudden surge of a murderous intent coming from Shizuo served as a warning to _not_ go there. He was nowhere near done though. "Even now, after everything that happened, instead of staying away from him you chase him around like a lost puppy the second he comes anywhere near you." Judging by the blond's expression, it looked like he'd struck a nerve, but that expression soon hardened and before he could react, Shizuo grabbed him by throat and slammed him into the wall. All the air inside his lungs rushed out at the impact, and he found himself struggling to breathe while his brother's hand was tightly wrapped around his neck. Fortunately, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could've been considering he'd just pissed off Heiwajima Shizuo, and even though the hit had been quite hard, he wasn't hurt.

"Coward! The only one here who's in denial is you!" Shizuo roared like a crazed beast, but he came back to his senses and relinquished his hold on the easily breakable neck when he felt Kasuka's warm hand tighten around his wrist. Somewhere in his mind he knew that he'd gone too far, but he was finding it hard to control himself when all Kasuka did was irritate him with erroneous assumptions about him and Izaya as well as keeping secrets from him. Despite all that, he was not so far gone as to hurt his little brother more than he already had after losing the hold he had on the rage boiling within, but he still grabbed a fistful of black hair to hold him there when it looked like Kasuka would try to walk away. "You don't get to run before you hear what I have to say!" His remark was met with silence, so he leaned in closer until their noses were almost touching; this way, he could stare directly into those seemingly emotionless eyes. "You keep saying that I like Izaya because you can't accept the fact that your brother is a monster. It's much easier to believe that I gave in to my desires and I attacked him than to face the fact that I did it out of hatred."

"That's not tr―"

"It is!" Shizuo interrupted him. "And just to show you how _not_ in denial I am, I'll go ahead and admit that I felt _some_ sexual attraction towards him that night. The bastard looked pretty _hot_ with a split lip, glaring up at me in defeat with that expression of agony as I kept twisting his arm." He was certain that Kasuka would contradict him, once again tell him that it wasn't true, but his brother stood stock-still as the shocking confession sunk into his mind. "It's one thing to find someone attractive and another one entirely to like that person. I hate Izaya, but I can't deny that the little shit made me want him that night." Their destinies had been twisted beyond repair, and he couldn't undo what he'd done, but sometimes he couldn't help but remember the Izaya from his dream who loved a monster even though he shouldn't have. "In another world, in another life, perhaps the two of us..." Instead of finishing what he was about to say, he left the words hanging, and after a few more moments of silence he finally unclenched his hand from Kasuka's hair and went to sit down on the bed.

Kasuka seemed calm, considering what'd just happened, but it didn't really come as a surprise to Shizuo anymore that his brother would keep his cool even after getting slammed into a wall by someone who could break his bones with almost no effort at all. "You don't know how it feels like to want to pulverize someone with your own bare hands when all you feel is hot boiling rage rushing to your veins and your whole body burning with hatred. You drown in anger, and no matter how much you want to escape the feeling washing over you with the force of a tsunami, you're trapped under a sea of hatred until you finally let it all out through unrestrained violence. I simply... I couldn't stop myself before letting out all that resentment I had bottled up inside me over the years." His voice quivered towards the end, but he couldn't say that it was surprised, not after confessing such atrocious things to Kasuka.

Instead of running away like he wanted to, he swallowed the painful lump in his throat and continued. "You see, I had it wrong. The flea is not just an insect I could step on and then walk away as though I had done nothing wrong. The bastard is human too..." And of course Izaya was human, even though at the time Shizuo had refused to see him as one. With each vicious blow, each ruthless thrust into that bleeding body and each word slicing into the man's pride, he'd ripped away chunks of what made Orihara Izaya more than one of those humans who feared him. As he raised his head, mocha eyes met Kasuka's pitying brown ones, but it was only for a brief moment before he lowered them when the intense gaze was too much for him to bear. "If that's how you think I _like_ someone, then..." Finally―even though he would've preferred to avoid the discussion―he'd told Kasuka exactly how he felt towards Izaya. His hands went slack after previously having been balled into fists, and the next words coming out of his mouth were barely audible even in the silence of the bedroom. "That's the truth, Kasuka. It's up to you whether you accept it or not."

Fighting the impulse to run out of there, Kasuka sat down next to the miserable-looking creature that was his brother. He gently wrapped his arm around Shizuo and pulled him closer until his brother's head was resting against his shoulder. "I'm sorry, nii-san." The truth hurt so much that he could hardly breathe, but he couldn't run away and leave Shizuo alone to wallow in misery.

"Why are you doing this?" Shizuo asked in a tired voice. He'd just told his sibling that he was a monster, and yet the idiot was giving him a hug.

Instead of answering, Kasuka raised his hand and placed it on top of the mop of blond hair. "Because I care about you, nii-san."

.

It was late when Izaya arrived home, which was why he was surprised to find his sisters waiting outside the door of his apartment. The twins rushed to him the moment they saw him, and before he could even ask what they were doing there, Mairu was hitting him in the chest with her much smaller fists.

"Iza-nii is a liar!" she raged as she continued to hit him.

Beside her, Kururi looked like she was one step away from crying, and even though Izaya claimed to love his sisters the same way he loved the rest of his humans, he still felt a pang in his chest after seeing their betrayed expressions. They were glaring at him like he'd just done something terrible, but he couldn't remember having done anything to make them call him a liar. Finally, when it looked like Mairu might just punch him in the face, he captured her wrists and pushed her gently into the wall so that she wouldn't hurt herself.

"What happened?" His question however was met with silence. "If you don't tell me what's wrong, your nii-san can't fix it."

"You told us that we could go on a date with Hanejima Yuuhei, but we saw on TV that he has a girlfriend!" Mairu shouted while glaring at her stupid brother; she'd always known that Izaya was no good. He had given them hope only to viciously stomp on it afterwards. "You did it on purpose, didn't you, Iza-nii? You knew he'd announce he had a girlfriend, so before that happened, you wanted to make fun of Kururi and I. I've always known you were an asshole, but this just goes to show what a horrible person you really are!"

Stunned by the accusation, Izaya simply stared at her with his mouth agape. While the purpose of the whole date thing had been to punish Kasuka, he couldn't deny that he'd enjoyed seeing his sisters happy. For once in their lives, his sisters had been grateful to him for something. Now though, their hatred seemed stronger than ever, and even though he hadn't meant for it to come to this, things had still gone wrong and there was nothing he could do or say to make them forgive him. It was much easier to let people think what they wanted instead of trying to prove them wrong. Besides, everyone always assumed the worst when it came to him, and he didn't have the time nor the patience to explain himself. Instead, he simply shrugged before releasing Mairu and retrieving his key from inside his pants' pocket. "Go home," he said as he thrust the key into the lock.

"You'll pay for this, Iza-nii!" Mairu promised before she grabbed Kururi's hand and they both stormed down the hallway.

Izaya watched them until they disappeared inside the elevator before he let out a sigh and stepped inside the apartment. "That went well..."

He was tempted to check his email to see if he'd finally gotten what he was waiting for, but the exhaustion of the day's events was too much, so instead of heading towards the desk, he took off his jacket, dropped it on the sofa and then went up the stairs and into the bedroom. He nearly collapsed on the bed, and even though he was tired, he couldn't fall asleep when all he could think about was Shizuo and how nice the idiot had treated him after he lost consciousness.

To make an already strange situation even more bizarre, Shizuo had also given a hand in punishing Karisawa. While it was odd, it wasn't completely unexpected. By telling Shizuo all the ways in which he'd broken him, he'd made the beast experienced remorse. It was what Izaya wanted ever since that very first time when he realized that making the monster of his nightmares regret his actions was a good way to take revenge on him, but such a thing was not enough; he wanted and he needed more. Izaya had always known that no matter how much he tortured Shizuo, his thirst for vengeance would never be completely satisfied, and as such, it only made sense that he'd have an ultimate plan for destroying the beast. He wanted his revenge to reach the grand finale so that he would finally be able to forget that someone named Heiwajima Shizuo had ever existed. All he needed now was the last piece of the puzzle, which unfortunately was also the hardest one to procure. Going through with the plan without that one piece was feasible, but it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying.

"Patience, Izaya, patience. Revenge is a meal best served cold," he reminded himself as he stared up at the ceiling of his own bedroom, but the words seemed to be lacking conviction when his ears rung with phantom screams of agony echoing through a filthy Ikebukuro alley. With bony, thin fingers, he covered his ears to block the sounds, but how could mere hands keep away a torrent of mental anguish? He'd tasted fear in the form of his own blood gushing out of his body, the memory of that coppery taste and smell anchoring him further into the nightmare that was that night. Ikebukuro's beast was fear itself, so no matter how nice Shizuo behaved, or how many times he would say sorry or save him, it would never dissipate that terror deeply anchored into Izaya's very soul. Because he'd felt fear, he felt shame, and as such, nothing could ever soothe his wounded pride.

"Shinra..." he murmured in a wounded voice as he lowered his quivering hands. If it hadn't been for Shinra, he would've been dead, and without him in his life, Izaya had no one. He'd tried doing something nice for his sisters and he'd gotten burned while the stupid beast had a loving freak of a brother who would defend him no matter what he did. He could almost taste the bitterness on his tongue, especially when deep down inside, he was coveting for a similar relationship to what Shizuo had with Kasuka. He'd hoped for something like that from Shinra, but after what happened, it was impossible. Besides, how could Orihara Izaya ever forgive someone who would try to murder him? And wasn't it stupid how even though he despised Shizuo, his thoughts would always fly back to him? Why was it that the stupid beast had never listened to him before? Why didn't Shizuo play the parts Izaya had wanted him to play? "You always do the opposite of what I expect of you." Though flat, his voice could not fully conceal the negative sentiments he held towards the man, and since he could no longer sleep when his head was filled with murderous thoughts, he stood up and went downstairs.

"I really do hate you, Shizu-chan," he murmured as he sat down in his desk chair and opened the laptop. "If only you would just... disappear." Frowning, he clicked the link to the email he was expecting, but he ended up letting out a noise of frustration when he didn't find what he was looking for. "Soon, Shizu-chan, soon. That's a promise."

Now feeling thoroughly irritated, he opened one of the drawers and pulled out a cigarette pack and a lighter. He dreaded the idea of getting nauseous whenever Shizuo smoked in his presence, so he lit up cigarettes whenever he found the mental strength to do it in an attempt to overcome his trauma. So what if Shizuo had burned him with one? There wasn't even a scar left, and the smell had never really bothered him before to the point that he'd feel faint, so he simply had to remember what it was like to not associate the tobacco smell with the rape. He glowered at the burning cigarette between his fingers before he turned to face the view outside his window. The smoke coiled around his thin frame like a snake threatening to choke him within its deadly embrace, but before the cigarette could touch upon dry lips, he lowered his hand and placed it back on the armrest. Smoking was not something he'd ever envisioned himself doing, but temporarily poisoning himself with such a disgusting vice was a necessary step towards recovery.

As though he didn't already have enough on his plate, he would now also have to deal with the consequences of Karisawa posting those fanfics online. Oh, he had no doubts that the fujoshi would take them down, but that didn't necessarily mean that the people who had seen them would automatically stop talking about them or whatever they thought was going on between Shizuo and him. Those people would never know how badly it hurt to read that disgusting piece of 'literature' and how different the real thing had been from their sickening fiction. For that, Karisawa deserved a much worse fate than what he'd already bestowed upon her, but no matter how much he wanted to watch that annoying light in her eyes extinguish while he choked the life out of her, he would never take it that far. There was a limit to how much of a villain even he was.

Old him would've most likely laughed it off with a shrug or perhaps even use it to piss off Shizuo, but the current him was too damaged to not be affected by it. The fingers of his left hand dug into the chair's armrest as though he was anchoring himself there so that he wouldn't go after Karisawa, but at least he had the consolation of having made the fujoshi cry tears of blood over her burned manga. A dark chuckle slipped past his lips as he reveled in the memory of how he'd punished the fujoshi, but the chuckle turned into a hiss a few moments later when his fingers got burned by the cigarette he'd forgotten to snuff out. He nearly jolted out his desk chair, that burning sensation on his skin reminding him of a similar cigarette being pushed against his neck. While fighting the impulse to retch, he bent down, picked up the half-burned cigarette and crushed it into the ashtray he bought specially for this; whatever this _thing_ was that he was trying to do. The tobacco smell however was bothering him a lot more after feeling the scorching heat on his fingers, so he got up and hurried away from his desk and up the stairs where he would once again try to get some much required rest.

.

"Nonononono," Shinra kept murmuring whilst his eyes were glued to the TV screen revealing his beloved Dullahan being chased by the police. The footage showed her for only a brief moment as she was speeding down the street, but Shinra immediately recognized the black rider as being none other than Celty. It wasn't the first time the Dullahan was being targeted by the police, but it never before looked like the entire Ikebukuro police force was after her. He, better than anyone, knew that Celty could take care of herself, but that didn't stop him from wishing there was a way to help her. She was strong, but her fear of the men in uniform was nearly as bad as her phobia of aliens, so of course she had to be terrified by all those officers trying to get their hands on the mysterious, black rider.

"Celty, my darling, I'm sorry for being so useless!" he cried out as he ran to the TV and dropped to his knees. "Your future husband is only a powerless human who can't even save the love of his life!" Her image appeared for merely a second on the screen again, and he found himself hugging the TV and bursting into tears as feelings of helplessness overwhelmed him. He wouldn't even be surprised if after this she would end up suffering from policophobia. With tears running down his cheeks, he continued to cling to the TV until the reporter announced the ending of whatever show she was hosting. The urge to go look for her made him jump to his feet, but he pushed that thought aside mere moments later when he realized how pointless such an endeavor would be. Instead, he proceeded to pace the living room―no different than a lion trapped inside a cage―while he waited for Celty to lose the police and find her way home like she always did.

About half an hour later of worrying and trenching the living room, Shinra thought he heard a sound outside the door. He nearly stumbled as he ran to open it, but instead of being blessed with the sight of his beautiful Celty, what he encountered in return was a very tall and very thin man. "Is there something you―" The intruder charged at him and Shinra tried to push him away, but his head ended up getting slammed into the wall and a hand wrapped so tightly around his neck that he could no longer breathe. He immediately reached for the scalpel inside the pocket of his lab coat and tried slashing at the man, but the intruder caught his wrist and twisted it until Shinra lost his grip on the weapon. The thing clattered when it hit the floor, and Shinra watched in a panic as it was kicked far away from him.

His throat burned with how hard he was being choked, so he wasn't surprised to see black spots staining his vision the more the hand tightened around his windpipe. He didn't even have enough strength in his still working arm to shove the other away, so when the man punched him again, he nearly blacked out from how hard he'd been hit while his previously still intact glasses broke and fell off his face and down on the floor. He felt the sting of a cut on his cheek from the broken glass, but the pain was insignificant when compared to the horrible pounding inside his head and the painful throbbing in his neck. The walls around him spun and the brutish grip―now on his broken arm instead of around his throat―made him fall down on his knees. A bony hand was buried in his hair and his head was pulled backwards, until their eyes met and he saw the sadistic smile plastered over the unknown visage and those sharp teeth reminding him so much of a wild animal. "Who a-are you?" he hissed in both pain and anger. It was only after he caught sight of the blood smudge on the wall out of the corner of his eye that he realized his head was bleeding.

"Someone who'll make you scream," the man stated. His smirk grew crueler when his prey's eyes widened in terror, but it wasn't enough―it was never enough―so he raised a fist and repeatedly slammed it into his punching bag's face, all the while enjoying the sounds of pain while warm blood covered his hand. If he couldn't have Ruri, then this guy would have to do in the meantime.

The coppery taste of his own blood almost made Shinra gag, each punch impacting his face spilling more of the crimson liquid down his chin and onto his clothes and floor. He tried to gather his scattered thoughts so that he could figure out a way out of the situation, but even those fled momentarily when the man once again savagely slammed his head into the wall behind. As he fought to recover from the hit he'd just received, Shinra could've sworn he heard and felt his brain rattle, and even with the blinding pain threatening to send him into unconsciousness, the doctor in him struggled to file his injuries. The fear of another blow to the head sent shivers down his spine, and he couldn't deny that he felt relief when he was grabbed by the arm and hauled to his feet by this monster of a man who seemed to be deriving pleasure out of beating him to a bloody pulp. "Why a...argh...are you d-doing this?" he inquired in a weak, shaky voice as his knees nearly buckled while he was being dragged towards the living room.

"Because I can," the man answered, laughing maliciously.

After so many hits to the head, and with the walls still spinning around him, his weak attempts at wrenching his arm out of the man's hold were nothing more than laughable. A punch to the stomach came next, and all he knew after that was pain as that sadist of a man he'd never seen before slammed his forearm against the doorway and then pushed until Shinra felt his radius and the ulna break under the force, bones tearing through both muscles and puncturing skin. He screeched, but the sounds were muffled by the hand covering his mouth while the man kept him pinned between his body and the wall. Only after he'd stopped screaming was his broken arm finally released, but the sudden movement as the gravity pulled it downwards made him shriek all over again.

"Keep your mouth shut. As much as I'd love to hear you scream, I don't want uninvited guests bursting through the door."

One eye was nearly closed shut after the many punches he'd received, but he still glared at the man with all the hatred he could muster. Unfortunately, a murderous glare couldn't kill another person or get Shinra out of the situation he found himself in, so when the man peeled him off the wall and shoved him into the living room he stumbled backwards and fell on his behind. He couldn't see the bones sticking out through his lab coat's material, but there was blood on the sleeve and even though he was a doctor who was used to seeing injuries, it felt as though he was about to pass out. At that point, he didn't think it could get any worse, but the man proved him wrong by pouncing on him like a beast and covering his mouth with one hand while hooking his other arm under his knee and jerking really hard while twisting until the femur crunched and then broke under the strain.

Wild shudders wracked Shinra's whole body, sweat and blood mixing and dripping down the side of his face while he felt his pulse pounding through the raw mass of agony that was his leg. It seemed as though a broken femur was his breaking point, so he couldn't stop his eyes from filling with tears any more than he could stop shrieking into the man's palm for what felt like an eternity even after his broken limb was released and left to fall limply on the floor's living room. Panic like he never felt before slammed into him when his other leg was captured, and he started struggling and screaming into his torturer's palm, pleading with his eyes for him to stop.

The man laughed and laughed and laughed as he continued to twist the other leg while he watched Shinra with sadistic pleasure as the doctor struggled and shuddered in terror and pain beneath him. Those big, wide eyes filled with tears and that despair and fear he could see in them only spurred him on, so instead of breaking his leg like he'd done with the first one, he twisted and eased his grip a few times, each time seeing the panic in those dark grey eyes grow and grow until Shinra was frantic with the imminent pain he knew he would soon experience.

"You have one chance. One. Where is Ruri?" he asked and pulled back his hand so that the doctor could answer.

Finally, the reason he'd been beaten and tortured was revealed, but Shinra couldn't give him an answer even if he wanted. If Ruri wasn't at Kasuka's place then he didn't know where she could be. "Plea...ahh...se s-stop," he begged with tears in his eyes. "I d-don't... know. I don't. No i-ide...a, p-plea... ahhhhh!" His pleas turned into shrieks, and with a sudden and powerful jerk while twisting his leg, the bone finally gave away under the sadist's cruel hand.

The need to hear those screamed overwhelmed him, so he thoroughly enjoyed the shrills of agony for a few moments before slamming his elbow into the doctor's ribs to break a few of those too. He would've loved to expand on his torture, but he didn't want to get caught, so he got up and headed towards the door and out of the apartment, leaving the doctor for dead on the floor.

Shinra's eyes were wide, his face red and his mouth gaping in a desperate attempt to gulp in air that wouldn't come. The more effort he put into it, the worse everything hurt and the more he chocked and whimpered and whined with each tiny movement his broken body made. All he felt was pain, pain and more pain throughout his entire body, _please make it stop,_ but he was alone and bleeding on the floor with no one to help him while he choked and gurgled on his blood and his limbs lay uselessly on the floor. They burned and pulsed and throbbed, the serrated edges of the broken bones mercilessly cutting into muscles and skin the more he twitched and jerked. Unconsciousness pulled at him with everything it had, but he feared he might not wake up if he gave into it, so instead he bit into his lip and fought to stay awake even if it hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced before in his life.

And why was it that he was thinking of Izaya in such moments and about how much worse it must have been for the Informant to be beaten, tortured and raped by a _real_ monster? _Stop it, stop it, stopitstopitstopit!_ What he needed to do was try to breath and not die on the floor of his and Celty's apartment. He hoped that when she finally arrived home, he would be awake to tell her that he was not _fine_ and that everything would be all right.

.

Celty was still trembling by the time she reached the apartment building. Her whole day had been a nightmare, and all she wanted to do was run up to Shinra and cuddle in his― _No, not that!_She was still mad at him, but she knew deep down inside that she would eventually forgive him, though she was not ready to do so yet. Still, the safety of their home sounded nice, and even if it wouldn't be Shinra's arms, his presence as they both watched TV sounded like something she sorely needed after being chased by the police throughout the entire city. Her limbs shook with fine tremors whenever flashbacks of her 'adventure' slammed into her mind, but the tremors turned into violent trembling when she saw the bloody door handle.

_Please let him be safe, please let him be safe,_she prayed before she pressed it and stepped inside, a feeling of nausea hitting her hard when she saw the blood smudge on the wall and some more of it on the floor. She ran into the living room, now in full panic over Shinra being hurt, but what she found was much worse than she had imagined. For a moment, she just stood there, frozen in a panic, but a low whine of what could only be agony went through her like electricity and she dropped to her knees next to Shinra. His face was swollen, with one eye closed shut and blood cascading down his nose. As bad as it looked, it wasn't what worried her. Even without pulling back the coat's sleeve, she could see that his right arm was broken. It was twisted at an unnatural angle, and even though she had an idea on what to do, she couldn't get her body to move when the one lying broken on the floor was Shinra and not someone she didn't know or care about.

"C-Cel...t-ty..."

She immediately pulled out the PDA to tell him not to speak and to save his strength, but his next words tore her heart to pieces and then crushed them to dusk.

"'m f-fii...ne..." _Hurts__._

With the speed of light, she typed her reply and pushed the PDA in front of his face. [You're not fine!] There were many questions she wanted to ask, like who had done this, and what were his exact injuries, which Shinra most likely knew about, but with him bleeding she didn't want to waste any more time than she already had. She pulled back the PDA and typed a message before pulling out Shinra's phone from inside the pocket of his lab coat, dialing the number for emergencies and then using the automatic voice function to ask for an ambulance to be sent to their address.

In her desire to comfort him, she raised his back a little with the purpose of placing his head in her lap, but that somehow jolted his broken arm and he couldn't suppress a yelp from slipping past his lips. She nearly jumped back, but the fear of causing him further damage forced her to stay in place. It hurt to see him in pain and it hurt to know that she hadn't been there to protect him. The idiot was trying to smile even though he was obviously suffering, and the only thing she could do was gently stroke his head while they waited for the ambulance.

_I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you..._

_._

_._

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** This fic is now up to date. I'll post the new chapters as I write them. Thank you for reading._


	52. From the Inside

**Chapter 52: From the Inside**

.

With the silence of the night now shattered by a ringtone and a pitiful whimper―a vestige of yet another nightmare, one with broken bones, agonizing thrusts and bleeding orifices―a quivering hand reached for the phone on the nightstand, but the device ended up slipping through clammy fingers a couple of times before Izaya finally managed to pick it up. _Just a nightmare,_ he kept telling himself as he fought to calm down enough to be able to read the message, but the task was proving to be difficult when his sight was blurred by tears and his eyes burned more than they had before he'd fallen asleep; not to mention that the screen was too bright to look at within the smothering darkness of the bedroom. The whole thing was making his already terrible headache worse, but at least he was no longer dreaming of a cruel beast with yellow eyes and inhuman strength.

The problem now was that he had a bad feeling because the few people who had this number didn't usually call in the middle of the night unless it was an emergency. Letting out a sound of irritation, he cracked one eye open and attempted to read it again, but when that didn't seem to work either, he placed the phone on the bed and proceeded to rub his eyes, at the same time wiping away those pesky tears he refused to acknowledge ever having been shed. The phone's screen still seemed too bright once he picked it up again, but at least this time it looked like he could read the text. The message was from Celty, and since she'd never bothered him before at such odd hours, it could only mean that something was wrong. As it turns out, he'd been right.

_[Shinra is in the hospital. Someone broke into our apartment and nearly beat him to death. I thought you might want to know.]_

"Someone nearly... beat him to death," Izaya uttered, the shock of the news hitting him so hard that he lost the grip on the phone and the device slipped between bony fingers and fell on the bed. He almost felt dizzy as the information sunk into his brain, and he couldn't understand for the life of him why anyone would ever want to hurt that big idiot, especially when Shinra's ever cheerful mood and bubbling personality made him a likable character, even though he could be quite annoying at times because of his silly antics.

The right hand, the one which had previous been holding the phone, briefly hovered above his heart before fingers buried into his chest, digging deeper into the skin as the pain intensified. The petty, wouldn't-ever-let-it-go part of Orihara Izaya tried to remind him that he shouldn't care about what happened to the doctor, but every fiber of his being felt sick knowing that his friend―yes, _his only friend_―had nearly been beaten to death.

After having been viciously assaulted himself, he knew all too well what it meant to be a victim, especially the pain that came with it as well as the terror of being unable to defend himself. Months had passed since his attack, and yet he could still remember that utter coldness he felt when realization dawned upon him and he understood the implications of what Shizuo was planning to do, as well as the feeling of ice sloshing through his veins and the terror of the unavoidable before finally being thrown into a world of torment and despair. No matter how evil he might've acted on some occasions, there was no part of him that wanted the doctor to get hurt in any way, regardless of what had occurred between them. The fingers on his chest kept on pressing, until he finally felt an intense pain on top of the one throbbing deep within and he looked at his hand in surprise for a few moments before finally pulling it away.

_I have to see him,_ he decided, and it was the only thought occupying his mind as he got up on wobbly legs and went to change. The light nearly blinded him when he turned it on, and he was still feeling slightly dizzy after going so many days without food and sleep, but the _need_ to see Shinra pushed him forward with all its might because the two of them shared a strong bond, born out of the kindness Shinra showed him when everyone else had pushed him away. Shinra had been there for him when the Informant no one cared about was bleeding to death―well, there was Kasuka too, but Izaya didn't really want to think about the freak right at that moment―but unlike everyone else, Shinra had _chosen_ him over Shizuo.

He was in such a hurry to go see the foolish doctor that he nearly stumbled and fell down the stairs, but his parkour skills and the many years of practice he had at avoiding flying objects thrown by a certain beast with inhuman strength helped him recover his balance and avoid getting his neck broken. It wouldn't have been a pretty sight, but he had a feeling that Namie would've enjoy it nonetheless. The ornery woman still came to work―except for those times when he'd left her a message telling her not to show up at the office―but she was ignoring him ever since the 'incident' involving a kiss. That however was an issue for another time. Izaya had more important things to worry about than to waste his time thinking about a certain secretary with a brother complex who couldn't take a joke.

It was during times such as these when he regretted having moved to Shinjuku, especially since it was always hard to find a train or a subway to take him to Ikebukuro at such odd hours, but at least he always had the option of calling a cab, which was what he did before he even stepped out of his apartment. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long for one to arrive, but it still felt like an eternity had passed before the car finally stopped in front of his apartment building and he hopped in it. He made sure to pay the man a little extra so that he would drive faster, but the journey still seemed too long and Izaya's heart didn't stop ratcheting inside his chest no matter how hard he tried to calm down.

He was terrified of what he'd find when he got there, because if Shinra had been nearly beaten to death, then that frail-looking body had to have received considerable damage. As the bubbling idiot had once jokingly told him, he was a lover, not a fighter, so Izaya doubted that the doctor even stood a chance against his attacker―or attackers, in case there had been more than one. The way he saw it, Shinra had been either beaten for information or for the sheer pleasure of inflicting damage, which in both cases most likely meant torture. At that point, Izaya could only hope that Shinra got away with only a few broken bones.

By the time the car stopped in front of the hospital, Izaya was feeling faint after having imagined the too many ways in which Shinra could've been tortured, and he absentmindedly handed the driver a few more bills before he stepped out of the cab and headed towards the entrance. He stopped by the reception to get information on where he could find Shinra, after which he headed straight for the elevator. He found Celty waiting outside the operating room, trenching the hallway and looking like she was about to either murder someone or crumple to the floor and burst into tears even though she didn't even have a head.

"Hey, Celty," he greeted her when it didn't look like she had noticed him even though he was standing right beside her. She jerked in surprised when she heard his voice, and she immediately pulled out her PDA and started typing.

[You came.]

"Mhm. How is he?"

[I don't know. They haven't told me anything yet.]

Izaya's eyes drifted over to the door and he stared at it for a few moments before his attention went back to Celty who looked more miserable than he had ever seen her before. It was almost hard to believe that this creature was a Dullahan, but Izaya knew the world to be a strange place, so a headless rider worrying over a human suddenly didn't seem as surprising anymore. "Is it bad?" he dared to ask even though he dreaded the answer.

Upon hearing the question, Celty's shoulders drooped further, and it took everything in her power for her to not break down into sobbing. She suddenly felt more drained than she'd felt ever since she woke up without a head and hardly any memories of her past, but she couldn't afford to be weak when she had to stay strong for Shinra's sake. The idea of putting those horrible injuries into written words hurt more than she had ever imagined, but Izaya was there, worrying about Shinra, and she had to tell the man what he wanted to know. Her fingers hovered above the keyboard for a long time before she finally started pressing the keys, but each character felt like a knife to the heart and it took her a while to even get as much down.

[The paramedics were saying that a couple of his ribs and both his legs have been broken. And also...]

Izaya held his breathe as he waited for her to continue, and he found himself placing a comforting hand on her shoulder when he noticed that she was trembling so badly that she couldn't even finish what she was trying to write.

[His forearm...] she typed and showed the PDA to Izaya before pulling back her hand and continuing. Her fingers were badly quivering and she could hardly press the keys, but she kept on trying until the horror of what had been done to Shinra appeared on the screen in the form of a few words.

[The broken bones pierced the skin.]

The words tore through Izaya's heart similarly to how the sharp bones had sliced through the muscles and the skin of Shinra's arm, and no matter how hard he tried to take his eyes off that screen, he was transfixed by the seemingly innocent looking characters combined in such a way that made them convey a most painful message. He could hardly breathe with how much it hurt, so he was thankful to Celty when she pulled back the PDA and those accursed words were out of his face even if they could never leave his mind.

Finally, he pulled back his hand and shoved it into the pocket of his jacket where he wrapped thin fingers around the switchblade and then tightened his hold, knuckles turning white with how hard he was squeezing it. With a compound fracture, Shinra must've screamed a lot, and Izaya had to fight the impulse to cover his ears at the mere thought of it. "Was he conscious when you found him?" he asked, and then continued when Celty nodded. "Did he tell you who did it?"

[Right before he passed out he told me that it was someone looking for Ruri Hijiribe.]

Izaya'd been worried that the attack might've had something to do with him ever since he read the message back at the apartment, so he couldn't have been more grateful to Celty for lifting that heavy weight off his shoulders. He saw her recline against the wall then, helmet tipped downwards as she slowly typed a new message.

[It's all my fault. I should've been there for him.]

"It's not your fault," Izaya tried, but her shoulders began to shake as though she was crying and he was at a loss about what to do.

[If only I had escaped the police sooner...]

The message hit him with the strength of a vending machine sending him flying through the air and then crushing him under its weight. It wasn't Celty's fault that she hadn't been home, but his, and as the guilt flooded every cell in his body, he turned around on shaky legs and rushed to the bathroom. A feeling of self-loathing like he hadn't felt in a long time overcame his sense, and he gripped the sink tighter while he fought the nausea threatening to make him lose the little amount of food he had eaten at the restaurant while 'dining' with Shizuo.

Celty hadn't been home to protect Shinra because she was being chased by Kinnosuke Kuzuhara and his men across town, so Shinra lying in a hospital bed was partly Izaya's fault because of his stupid game of revenge against Celty. His eyes caught sight of his reflection in the mirror, and the disgust he felt for the person looking back at him made him raise his fist and crash it into it with all of his strength. The pain flared from his fist like wildfire, but he welcomed it because he truly believed that he deserved it. As expected, the mirror cracked upon impact, and a few droplets of blood spattered on its surface from the split and sliced skin of his knuckles. "I screwed up," he repeatedly murmured while grinding his teeth so hard that his jaw ached, until his strength finally left him and he found himself gripping the edge of the sink.

His previously unfocused eyes settled on the image in front of him again, and that's when he finally saw it in all its shameful glory, the broken _thing_staring back at him from the bloody surface of the cracked mirror. His red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes widened further, but it felt as though they'd been closed this whole time and that only now he was once again seeing the world around him. Past the unshed tears―which caused it to appear slightly blurred―lay the image reflected outside the cracks, shattered into as many pieces as his once God-like mind. He realized then, as he stared at the image, that what the beast had truly broken that night were the walls keeping his emotions under near-perfect control.

Over the years, people have often accused him of being a psychopath or a sociopath―he himself had strengthened those beliefs on several occasions when it suited him―but the truth was that he wasn't either of those. Underneath the god was a painfully human Orihara Izaya who Heiwajima Shizuo had succeeded in dragging to the surface. The monster had hauled that part of him from deep within where Izaya had locked it and it was that Izaya who was going after Shizuo like a bloodthirsty animal instead of putting himself back together and using his head instead of being driven by the pain and hatred he constantly drowned into. He had not only lost his place as the chess master, but he was acting like one of those foolish pieces he'd so often looked down upon from his high place amongst gods.

And he felt shame. Not shame born out of what had been done to him, but shame at having allowed himself to crash so violently. With the fall came not only broken bones, torn muscles and bleeding wounds, but also a shattered to pieces mind that could not cope with the events of that fateful night. The shock had been so fierce that even though he was finally seeing things with crystal clarity, those human emotions that Shizuo had unleashed were still rampaging his mind. They were like tornadoes tearing apart everything in their path and leaving things in shambles, and for someone like him―a _genius_―a ruined mind was the worst thing that could've ever happened.

So it made sense that if the shattered him was the reflection in the mirror, then the God him was the unbroken mirror. By picking up the pieces and putting them back together he could never restore it to its previous state. The only way to achieve a similar result would be to completely destroy the thing and then replace it with a new one. The painful truth was that the old Orihara Izaya could no longer be put together, not after what he'd suffered at the beast's hands, but perhaps he could built himself into something if not better, then at least closer to the original Izaya than this pathetic thing looking back at him with those too human eyes.

"You're done," he told his reflection before he tore his eyes away from it and washed the blood off his hands. He then walked out of the bathroom and hurried back to Celty, but she was no longer there and it looked like the doctors working on Shinra were done because they were leaving the room outside which Celty had been previously waiting.

"Excuse me, but do you happen to know where the patient you were operating on earlier has been moved?" he asked one of the two doctors passing him by.

"Room 303," the man said and then went on his way after Izaya thanked him.

Instead of taking the elevator, he rushed to the stairs and went up two floors, easily finding the room and bursting inside before the thought of knocking even passed through his mind. Celty turned to him, looking startled, but she seemed to calm down a bit when she saw who it was. Izaya's eyes then reluctantly traveled over to Shinra's form, and he nearly felt sick all over again when he saw how badly he looked. One eye was swollen and closed shut while the rest of Shinra's face was covered in bruises. All of the doctor's limbs were in casts and there were also bandages around his head. If anything, it looked like Shinra'd been hit by a truck.

[I'm sorry for disappearing like that,] she typed and raised the device in front of Izaya's face, at the same time blocking his view of Shinra. The man looked pale and like he was about to either pass out or throw up, and Celty was starting to seriously worry about him. He looked much worse than the last time she'd seen him back at the police station, and it was obvious that being away from Shinra, the only person who seemed somewhat care about him, was not doing him any good. When it still didn't look like she was getting his attention, she placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed until startled red eyes turned her way and he blinked a few times before finally settling on her, but it was only after she moved the PDA in his line of view that he seemed to have come back from wherever his mind had been wandering.

"It's okay," he told her in a low voice before he turned his attention back to Shinra and he made his way towards the hospital bed. Now that he was closer he could better see the damage done to the doctor, and the ache in his chest flared up as his eyes reluctantly roamed over the unconscious form. "What did the doctor say?" he asked without even turning to Celty.

Izaya seemed transfixed by Shinra's injuries, so she used the automatic voice function to answer his question.

["Spiral femur fracture on both his legs, compound fracture of the radius and ulna of his right arm, two broken ribs and one fractured, as well as a linear skull fracture."]

Red eyes shifted over to Shinra's left arm and stayed there. It was the arm Shizuo had broken, and even though Izaya didn't know the exact details, he was almost glad that it happened because it would've been much worse if the guy who attacked Shinra would've decided to break that one as well. Perhaps that sicko was someone who didn't like to _play_ with something that was already damaged. Rage and disgust at his own train of thought nearly blinded him, and he vowed right then to find the man who had dare touch Shinra and make him pay.

["You look like you could use a cup of coffee,"] he heard the automatic voice say before the door opened and then closed behind Celty.

He nearly collapsed in the chair next to the bed the second she was gone, and he sat like that for a few moments before he carefully took Shinra's left hand into his and gently squeezed it. It was cold and pale, just like the rest of the battered body wherever the skin was not covered in bruises, bandages or the casts. The man could've died just like that, and Izaya realized that he'd never before seen Shinra look so _mortal._ It was an unnerving thought which he tried to push to the back of his mind, but the ephemeral nature of the human existence refused to give him peace and he ended up shuddering despite himself.

Ironically enough, that same grim thought helped Izaya understand why Shinra had changed so much after that accursed day. They didn't like to call each other _friends,_ not out loud anyway, but they both knew they cared about each other in some way. Izaya had always found the doctor to be quite fascinating―so much that he didn't even see him as one of his humans―while Shinra, even though he was an idiot who had only taken a knife for him in order to impress Celty, ended up making his first real connection with another human being through that. Their _'friendship'_ was born out of selfishness or curiosity more than anything else, but the fact still remained that the two of them were accustomed to each other's company and the thought of one of them dying was not something he even wished to entertain.

Some of the hatred Shinra felt towards Shizuo was not because of what the monster had done to Izaya, but because through his actions, the beast had destroyed his somewhat peaceful life. Anyone else would've been hurt by such a realization, but Izaya smiled and squeezed the limp hand tighter. The two of them had the most messed up friendship in the world, and Izaya couldn't help but let out a laugh as he got up and leaned over the sleeping form. "I'll make sure he pays for hurting _my_ doctor," he whispered into Shinra's ear before he straightened his back and turned on his heels, only now noticing that Celty was watching him from the entrance. A malicious smirk spread across his face, and he walked over to the frozen Dullahan who was just standing there looking confused. "I have to go, but I'll take the cup if you don't mind."

Celty handed it to him and Izaya thanked her before he went on his way. She watched him as he disappeared down the hallway, a sort of uneasiness settling in her stomach and refusing to leave after seeing the earlier scene and the disturbing smirk on the Informant's face. Whether he appeared to be calm, angry or cheerful, Orihara Izaya was a dangerous man, but the way he looked earlier reminded her more of the old Izaya who was less angry and more calculated. After closing the door behind her and sitting down on the chair next to the bed, he pulled out the PDA to send a message.

Outside the hospital, Izaya heard his phone go off. He fished it from inside the pocket of his jacket and read the message.

_[Let me know when you find him.]_

A dark chuckle slipped past his lips and he shoved the device back into his pocket, but he heard someone call his name before he could cross the street and he turned around, cursing under his breathe before he put on the same smile he used whenever he had to deal with clients or business partners. "Shiki-san, it's been a while."

"Indeed, it has," the man said before he took a drag from the cigarette, "and it just so happens that I need your services again."

Izaya's eyes briefly wandered to the cigarette and he was glad that his little sessions seemed to be paying off because he no longer felt the urge to throw up whenever someone smoked in his presence, although he was still feeling slightly dizzy. "Ah, I'm sorry, but I'm a bit busy at the moment and―"

"Yamashita Rikuto, twenty-seven years old, _now_ a former member of the Awakusu-kai. Call me when you find him."

Shiki was obviously in a bad mood, and now that Izaya was seeing things more clearly, he understood that crossing the man was not a good idea, especially when it looked like the Awakusu-kai Executive was one step away from murdering someone. That alone seemed interesting enough, and Izaya decided to look into it if only out of curiosity. Still, he had more important things to do right at that moment, so he filed the name he'd been given under _-New Cases-_ before he took a right turn and headed towards a specific destination, sipping on his coffee from time to time and hoping that he could handle what he was about to do.

He ended up stopping a few times on his way there and even changed the direction once and headed towards the train station, but he changed his mind and continued on his previous path because he knew that he had to go there and face his demons. He now understood that he couldn't move forward as long as he didn't come to terms with what happened back then, and that was the reason why he was back to the place where the god had been beaten by a monster and nearly killed in the process.

The closed-off alley was just as dark as he remembered. He tried to go inside, but he didn't even manage to take one step before a wave of nausea hit him and he could've sworn he felt the ground shift beneath his feet. He leaned against the building's wall, holding a hand to his mouth while he trembled like a miserable puppy forgotten outside in the rain on a cold autumn night. _Very bad idea,_ he thought as he fought to swallow the bile threatening to climb up his throat. He stayed like that for a few minutes, fighting the impulse to wretch until he finally felt well enough to move away from the wall. He let out a broken laugh and gave the alley a haunted look before he turned around and walked away. Perhaps he was not yet ready after all.

.

.

_**A/N:**_ _Now that the second season of the anime is out, I'd like to say a few things about Blind Fury. I started writing this a little over two years ago, back when a new season was nothing more than a dream and many of the novels weren't translated. I wrote the first six chapters and then closed the document and didn't open it again until a year later when I decided to post the fic. I still haven't read the novels yet, but over time I read some things on the drrr wiki and that's why you may find some events or characters from the light novels into this fic. Obviously the timeline may be screwed up at times, but I wouldn't have followed every canon event anyway because no one wants to read a replica of the original story. I've made up my mind about how this story will progress and eventually end, so I'm not going to start changing things now just because a second season is out. That being said, forgive me for any inconsistencies you may encounter. ^^'_


	53. A Game of Shadows

With the resignation that he could never be put together the way he used to be prior to that night, came a deep sense of calmness. The thought cut deeply and left him bleedings similarly to how he'd bleed in that alley, but at least it set him back on the right course. He could now see, with eyes wide open, how most of the things he'd done until then were pointless―though highly satisfying at the time. All those little games and words meant to hurt Shizuo had not only injured the beast but Izaya himself as well. For so many months after the incident he'd been too blinded by emotional pain and the deep hatred he felt for the blond to see past the humiliation he'd been forced to endure that rainy night when a monster killed a god. Now, more than ever, he wanted to go through with his plan, but he was lacking the key element and he couldn't do it the way he'd envisioned it without it.

His only consolation as he sat there in his desk chair, eyes drifting over the city below, was that even though he'd been broken by Shizuo, the base to his thoughts and actions was still there. His once perfectly arranged thoughts were in disarray, so trying to find order in such chaos was an impossibility, but even within his broken mind, numerous electrical impulses were still being sent back and forth between neurons, and a fraction of a second was all it took for his brain to come up with a solution that could make it possible for him to kill two birds with one stone. It made sense though, because it was much easier to write the play when looking at things objectively; or as close to objectivity as he could get after a vicious beast had rampaged through his carefully constructed inner world.

If he went through with this plan, it would save him the trouble of having to deal with Mikado, Aoba and the rest of the Dollars members. He'd found out earlier while having a look at the chatroom that the person going around the city beating up people and asking about Ruri was a man called Adabashi Kisuke. People described him as being very tall but also very thin, with sharp eyes and a cruel look in his eyes. They were also calling him a sadist because he seemed to be deriving great pleasure in torturing his victims. Izaya's fingers dug deeper into the chair's armrests as the image of a broken Shinra lying in a hospital bed came to mind, and he had to remind himself that he needed to keep his cool if he wanted his plan to succeed. He'd have to put himself in harm's way, but it was a risk he was willing to take.

He wondered if Shinra had felt the same way―or at least something close to what he was feeling―back when the doctor found him dying in the bathtub and the man had to patch him up. Looking back at those dark few days right after the assault, he remembered Shinra's pained expression every time the man looked at him, and even though at the time Izaya hated him for looking at him like that, he was now grateful there had been someone who cared enough to worry about him. It was why he would make sure that Adabashi paid for the sin of beating up and torturing the only person in the world who was not one of Izaya's humans but above them.

He felt his blood boil again at the mere thought of what that man had done to Shinra, and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in order to calm down. He repeated the process a few more times before finally turning to the laptop so that he could put his plan into action. Besides, it was the perfect time to check on the chatroom, especially when most people were still asleep since it was so early in the morning.

_CHATROOM_

_Kanra-san has just joined the chat._

_Kanra: _Good morning! ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

_Kanra: _Hello?

_Kanra: _I guess no one's online at this hour...

_Kanra: _Now I'm sad because I have this wonderful news to share but no one to share them with. p(´⌒｀｡q)

_Kanra: _On second thought, perhaps I should keep quiet... because of the stalker and all that. Σ(ﾟﾛﾟ｣)｣

[Private Mode] _Kenpachi: _What about the stalker?

_Tanaka Tarō: _Good morning, Kanra-san.

_Kanra: _Someone's online after all~

[Private Mode] _Kenpachi: _What were you talking about earlier?

_Tanaka Tarō: _Yes. I apologize for not replying sooner; I was getting a cup of coffee.

_Kanra: _That's a good way to start the morning. I think I'll go make some coffee too.

_Tanaka Tarō: _Kanra-san, wait a second.

_Kanra: _Hmm?

[Private mode] _Tanaka Tarō: _What was that about a stalker?

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Forget I said anything~

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _What news did you want to share?

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Forget I said anything~

[Private mode] _Tanaka Tarō: _Please, this is important.

[Private mode] _Kanra: _I thought I saw the police arresting a man who looked like the stalker, but on second thought, it couldn't have been him.

[Private mode] _Tanaka Tarō: _I see. That's too bad. Anyway, I have to go. Have a nice day!

_Tanaka Tarō has just left the chat._

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Hey, still there?

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Yes~

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _What news did you want to share?

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Hey!

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _I want to know what you saw.

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Mind sharing?

[Private mode] _Kanra: _I can't! What if you're the stalker?

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _I'm not.

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _I'm just a fan of Ruri-san.

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Okay~! Then I guess I can tell you.

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Mhm.

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Yesterday, I saw Ruri-san and Yuuhei-san.

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Where did you see them?

[Private mode] _Kanra: _I can't say that! I don't want to be the one responsible for getting my favorite actor and singer kidnapped.

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Or worse! 工ｴｴｪｪ(;╹⌓╹)ｪｪｴｴ工

[Private mode] _Kanra: _I'm sorry, but I have to go~

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _No, wait!

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Bye~! (￣▽￣)ノ

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Wait!

_Kanra-san has just left the chat._

"That was too easy~" Izaya sang as he picked up the phone and swiveled in his desk chair a few times before stopping and smiling at the view of the city before him. It was nice to once again feel like he was in control even though he was still a long way from being the Informant he once was. _No matter,_ he thought excitedly. He still had things to do and he couldn't afford to mule over the past when he had a monster or two to catch.

His eyes drifted over to the phone in his hand and he looked through the contacts list to find the name he was looking for. He smirked when he found it and he pressed _Call_ before raising the phone to his ear.

"Ueda-san, I believe I may be in need of your assistance."

.

Shizuo groaned as he 'fought' to turn off the alarm. It was time for work but he was not in the mood to go, especially after the whole Karisawa thing and the fight he had with Kasuka the night before. "Shut up already!" he growled as he opened his eyes, grabbed the clock and nearly crushed it between his fingers before he finally succeeded in turning off the alarm. Cursing under his breath, he got up and rushed to the bathroom to take a shower, all the while berating himself for falling asleep on the bed after he'd told the two love birds that he would sleep on the couch. He scrubbed a hand over his face and tried not to think about how cold the water was, but it still made his mood turn sour really fast. While a hot shower would've been nice, what he really needed was to get out of there and away from Kasuka and Ruri. He doubted the stalker would dare enter his apartment, and besides, Tom needed him because they had to recover money from a gang leader that day.

"I'm coming out," he called from the hallway after he'd gotten dressed and ready for work. He didn't get an answer though, so when he stepped into the living room he found the two of them sleeping in each other's arms. By the looks of it, they had fallen asleep while watching a movie and Shizuo didn't have the heart to wake them up when they looked so adorable. Kasuka was sitting in the corner, his head resting on the couch while Ruri was cuddled in his arms. He'd always wanted Kasuka to be happy, and Shizuo was glad that his brother had finally found a woman he liked. He would've preferred to stay home and make sure that nothing happened to the two of them, but Kasuka was not a weakling and Shizuo was certain that his sibling would be able to take care of one measly stalker if it came down to it. Careful not to wake them up, he left the spare key on the coffee table as well as a note telling them he'd be back later in the afternoon before he quietly slipped out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

He was still pretty mad at Kasuka for hiding things from him, but he hoped that after the discussion they had the night before, his brother would at least stop bugging him about how he was certain that Shizuo 'liked' or 'obsessed' over Izaya. No, he didn't like Izaya, and yes, he obsessed over the man sometimes (most of the time), but he didn't find it that strange considering how the two of them had been enemies for so many years. They despised each other and they had tried to kill each other on numerous occasions, and yet the two of them were still very much breathing. Perhaps that was the punishment for a feud that started so foolishly on a football field on a sunny day when the two of them were still young and pretty innocent and had not yet damaged each other beyond repair; back when Izaya was still a cocky bastard who wasn't afraid of him and who didn't know what it meant to get trampled over by a beast.

Then again, it was pointless to think of the past and what could've been when everything was already messed up and Shizuo could do nothing but crawl through the rest of his life while drowning in the suffocating guilt he felt whenever those bleeding eyes flashed though his mind and he recalled the events of that night in vivid detail. Every day was just another day of feeling guilty over what he'd done to Izaya, over Kasuka getting hurt because of him, and a thousand different other people who'd ended up unconscious or in the hospital with broken bones because he couldn't control his anger like every other human out there.

Sighing, he ran a twitchy hand through dyed locks and crossed the street before lighting up a cigarette and inhaling some much needed smoke. He was about to shove the cigarette pack back into his pocket when his hand froze in mid-air and he raised it back up, staring at the thing like it was his first time seeing it. He smoked even though he hated the bitter taste, and he couldn't remember how he'd started in the first place, but then it all came back to him and he couldn't help but laugh out loud in the middle of the street.

It happened on a hot spring day when he heard Izaya complain to Shinra about how much he hated the smoke. According to the flea, secondhand smoke was just as bad for one's health, and as such he refused to be anywhere near people who engaged in such unhealthy habits. By then, Shizuo was pretty desperate to get rid of the flea, so he'd ran to the first store, bought a pack and started smoking. It was unfortunate that not even the smoke Izaya claimed to hate so much could keep the flea away, but at least it made the bastard angry and that was good enough for him. "How stupid," Shizuo murmured, giving the pack one last look before thrusting it into the pocket of his pants and calling out to his former high school senpai who was patiently waiting for him.

.

It was late in the afternoon when Izaya made his way towards Shizuo apartment, humming an undecipherable song while prancing through the streets. He had a bag of fatty tuna in hand and he was excited at the prospect of getting his 'claws' on that horrible human who'd dared to hurt Shinra. That wasn't the only reason, but like everything else when it came to Shizuo, the outcome was impossible to predict. Chuckling, he pulled out the phone to check on the Dollars chatroom, and he wasn't in the least surprised to find the Kenpachi guy still there and sending him a private message in which he was asking him about Ruri the second 'Kanra' logged in. "You're making this too easy for me~" he chirped. He didn't answer the message though and instead logged out. He then typed a number and waited for the person on the other end to pick up.

_"'the hell you want now, flea?"_Shizuo barked the question, making Izaya wince and pull back the device in fear of going deaf.

"Could you please lower the volume? You're giving me a headache," Izaya whined, and he had to suppress the snigger threatening to come out when he heard the beast snort like the animal that he was.

_"I'm not in the mood for your shit today, so call back _never."

The call ended and Izaya blinked in surprise a couple of times before dialing again.

_"Stop bother―"_

"This isn't about _us,_so stop acting like a brute for once and hear what I have to say." There was the sound of plastic cracking and Izaya nearly burst into laughter when he realized that Shizuo was gripping the phone so tightly that the thing was coming apart in his hand. "Calm down, ne?" The immediate response was a growl, but it was luckily followed by silence. Now that he had the beast's attention, he continued. "Something happened to Shinra." Izaya could've sworn he heard Shizuo's breath hitch, but he couldn't be sure because the stupid beast wasn't supposed to care about someone who hated him.

_"That's none of my business,"_Shizuo finally replied. _"I'm hang―"_

"It's got something to do with your brother's girlfriend. Interested now?"

_"If you hurt either of them, I swear―"_

"Don't be an idiot, Shizu-chan. The two of them getting hurt is what I'm trying to prevent. When can you meet me at your apartment?"

_"I'll be there in an hour."_

The call ended and Izaya gave the phone a glare instead of the brute he wanted to glare at before logging on the Dollars' chatroom and taking a seat on a bench across the street from Shizuo's apartment building.

_CHATROOM_

_Kanra-san has just joined the chat._

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Hey, you still haven't answered my question.

[Private mode] _Kanra: _I've been busy~

[Private mode] _Kanra: _I'm not busy right now though.

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Where did you see Ruri-san? Like I said, I'm a fan. I won't bother her. I just want to see for myself that she's safe.

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Aww, you sound like such a nice guy. Okay, I'll tell you~

[Private mode] _Kenpachi: _Great! Thanks.

[Private mode] _Kanra: _Ruri-san is staying at her boyfriend's brother apartment. Don't even think about bothering her if you know what's good for you. Heiwajima Shizuo is known as being Ikebukuro's strongest. He should still be at work around this time, but he'll be home soon, so don't show up around there if you don't want to end up in the hospital.

_Kenpachi-san has just left the chat._

_Kanra-san has just left the chat._

Now that all the pieces were in place, all he had to do was wait. "You're not very smart, are you, Adabashi Kisuke~?" Smirking, he pocketed the phone and shifted on the bench until he found a more comfortable position. Timing was crucial, and even though there were still many unknown variables, he guessed that he could afford to eat the fatty tuna he'd bought before all hell broke loose. Giggling like a little kid, he opened the bag, picked up a piece of the delicious treat and stuffed it into his mouth. His eyes turned in his head at how heavenly it tasted, but his mind betrayed him and he remembered Shinra offering him the same thing before, back when the doctor wasn't lying in a hospital bed looking so _broken_. His mood quickly turned sour, and he ended up sighing but still eating the rest of it simply because he needed the energy if he wanted to not pass out in the middle of whatever it was that was coming.

He threw the bag into the trash can once he was done and then waited for thirty-seven more minutes―he knew how much because he kept checking the time―before getting up when a suspicious van stopped in front of the apartment building and a few men carrying baseball bats got out and went up the stairs. "It's show time~"

.

Inside the apartment, Kasuka and Ruri were preparing dinner so that the three of them could eat together when Shizuo came back from work. They were enjoying the peace and quiet when they heard a bang on the door followed by several others. Realizing they were in danger, Kasuka immediately pushed Ruri behind him and grabbed a knife from the counter. The lock gave out soon after and a few men, followed by a tall skinny guy who appeared to be their leader and the stalker obsessed with Ruri, burst into the apartment.

Adabashi's eyes fell on Kasuka, and his expression morphed into one of pure cruelty now that he had one more person to play with for daring to take away his beloved Ruri. "I had to go through a lot of trouble to find her because of you," he stated as he flexed his fingers in excitement of what he was about to do to the man. To his surprise, Hanejima Yuuhei didn't seem to be panicking at all, which was odd because most people would've already been begging to be spared. "Interesting," he mused out loud as he pulled out a gun. "Step away from Ruri-chan," he ordered, but Kasuka shook his head and took a defensive stance.

"I'll be okay," Ruri told him as she tried to move past him, but Kasuka pushed her back.

Still as calm as ever, his brown eyes locked with Adabashi's cruel ones. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

Without another word, Adabashi raised the gun to shoot Kasuka, but the bullet ended up hitting Ruri's shoulder when she pushed him out of harm's way.

Kasuka wrapped an arm around her waist to stop her from falling while Adabashi stood there in the middle of the living room, wide-eyed and shocked. "This is all your fault. I hurt Ruri-sama because of you!" Adabashi snarled and was about to shoot again, but Ruri ripped herself from Kasuka's hold and stood in front of him to shield him with her body, which in turn made Adabashi give up on trying to shoot Hanejima Yuuhei. It was simply too risky, and he couldn't afford to accidentally kill Ruri.

Kasuka grabbed her and flipped them around so that he was now the one standing between her and the stalker. "Ruri-san, please stop this."

Ruri raised a bloody hand and gently pressed it to Kasuka's cheek. "I can't stand the thought of losing more than I've already lost."

"The fear of losing something could be called a form of love too. There's something I haven't told you yet. When you knocked me down and got on top of me... I think I was really flustered. My heart started racing and my chest felt hot," Kasuka admitted.

Ruri watched him for a few moments before a small smile graced her lips. "Are you trying to seduce me? Now of all times?"

Kasuka turned his head to the side, looking slightly embarrassed. "I was just stating the facts."

"One more reason why I can't let you die for me."

"Stalker-san has a gun... scary~" Izaya's voice sliced through the tense atmosphere and made everyone there turn their heads his way. "Here I am, coming to visit an old friend and I end up in the middle of this terrible situation!" he whined dramatically and took a step inside, Adabashi immediately pointing the gun to his head.

"Who are you and why are you here?" Adabashi barked the question while he motioned to the new arrival to walk to the other two inside the apartment.

While Izaya was tempted to let Kasuka get killed, he was more than a bit curious about the freak, and he didn't exactly want him to die before knowing for certain whether Kasuka was truly emotionless or not. He hadn't expected Adabashi to bring a gun to the fight, and he could only hope that Shizuo got there before it was too late and the sadist decided to kill or torture the two of them just for the fun of it.

.

Shizuo was running as fast as he could and yet he was still at least five minutes away from his place.

_[Someone broke into your apartment. I suggest you hurry up. I'll go see if I can help somehow.]_

What kind of fucked up message was that? Kasuka and Ruri were in danger and now Izaya was trying to help them? It sounded unbelievable for a thousand different reasons, and yet Shizuo couldn't shake this terrifying feeling that the message was real and not just Izaya's way of screwing with him yet again.

He was being so careless that he nearly got hit by a car as he crossed the street, but the speed and the parkour skills he'd developed over the years after chasing Izaya for so long saved him at the last moment. He was drowning in fury knowing that someone had dared to go after Kasuka and Ruri inside his apartment, but he couldn't help but think that this too was one of Izaya's plans even if the flea had made it sound like he had nothing to do with it. Then again, the stalker, if it really was him, could've simply found Kasuka by asking around where Shizuo lived. Ah, it was troublesome and he didn't want to think about it, not when he was so close to getting home and to breaking that guy's legs for going after Kasuka and someone as sweet as Ruri.

"Kill! Kill! Kill!" he kept on muttering, until he went around a corner and his apartment building came into view. He ran faster then, if that was even possible, because his eyes were met with the sight of Kasuka, Ruri and Izaya being led towards a van by a group of people and he didn't miss the blood on Kasuka's hand. Was he injured? And oh god, that was when he saw the blood on Ruri's dress and he wanted everyone there to die, die and die some more for hurting his brother's girlfriend.

Luckily, they didn't seem to have noticed him until he picked up one of them and threw him into another guy. Izaya took advantage of the momentary confusion and flicked open the switchblade, slicing people left and right while Kasuka pulled Ruri away from there and towards the apartment building.

Adabashi tried to shoot Shizuo, but the bullet hit one of his companions instead. He cursed under his breath and tried again, and even though this one hit the target in the leg, the man was still not going down. "What kind of monster are―"

The switchblade almost taking out the man's eye was all it took for Izaya to make Adabashi retreat. The stalker was glaring murder at him while backing away, but Izaya couldn't let his prey escape. "He's the worst type of monster," he informed the idiot who had made the mistake of screwing with Ikebukuro's strongest. "Have you been living under a rock?" he mocked while advancing towards Adabashi who was trying to stay out of harm's way by going around a parked car. "Everyone here knows that the name Heiwajima Shizuo spells danger, and you were stupid enough to go after his brother~"

Adabashi spat on the ground in disgust, like the mere sight of Izaya was making him sick. "You'll pay for this," the man said before he turned on his heels and tried to make his escape.

When Adabashi started running away like the coward that he was, Izaya called out to Shizuo to get his attention. "We need to catch him!" he shouted at the beast who seemed to be foaming at the mouth with how angry it was, its roar mixing with cries of agony of the fallen men. Angry mocha eyes turned his way and Izaya nearly flinched at the murderous glare thrown his way, but instead of doing as told, Shizuo went over to Kasuka while Izaya cursed under his breath and started chasing after Adabashi by himself.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" Shizuo asked while his eyes roamed over Kasuka's form for any injuries his brother might've sustained during the attack.

As much as it pained Kasuka to see his brother hurt, he knew that Shizuo was strong and that a bullet wound wouldn't bring him down that easily. It looked like the bullet had only grazed Shizuo's leg, and even though it hurt to see the blond bleed, his brother had something important to do. "I'm fine, nii-san. I'll take care of Ruri-san, so you just do what you have to do."

Shizuo nodded and went in the direction he'd seen the stalker and Izaya run, his anger sky-rocketing after seeing Ruri looking so pale and like she was one step away from losing consciousness. The wound on her shoulder was bleeding badly, and though he wanted to stay there, the sirens he could hear in the distance meant that his Kasuka would be safe. His phone went off all of a sudden and he nearly bumped into someone, but that person moved out of his way in time and Shizuo glared as he fished the phone from his pocket and raised it to his ear.

_"Shizu-chan, we've just passed the bakery near you're apartment building. I suggest you―"_

The sound of a shot was heard through the phone and somewhere nearby, and Shizuo's fingers tightened around the phone when he imagined Izaya bleeding out on the pavement. "Oi, flea! Izaya! You bastard, are you listen―"

_"Stop yelling and catch up already!"_ Izaya shouted into the phone in a voice dripping with anger. He'd barely dodged the bullet and he was sweating a bit now after realizing how close he'd come to actually getting killed. _"I'm going after him again. Where are you?"_

"Right here," Shizuo announced at the same time that he grabbed Izaya by the arm and pulled him up, the two of them now running after the stalker.

"Took you long enough," Izaya hissed while glaring out of the corner of his eye at the blond running beside him.

Shizuo snarled a "Shut up!" and uprooted a stop sign in the hope of hitting the stalker with it, but the man fired another shot and he ended up dropping it when he had to hide behind a building so that he wouldn't get shot again. "Who the hell is this guy?"

"Adabashi Kisuke," Izaya informed him as he peeked from around the corner. Their prey was running again, so Shizuo pulled him by the sleeve and the two of them were running again. "He nearly beat Shinra to death while trying to obtain information on Ruri."

"What?!"

"It's what I wanted to talk to you about. I told you it wasn't about us. I thought you needed to know that someone was hurting people to get to Ruri."

"Is he okay?" Shizuo couldn't help but ask. Regardless of Shinra's hatred for him, Shizuo didn't like the idea of the doctor getting hurt.

"Not really," Izaya answered, frowning. "He was tortured, and Adabashi was planning to do the same to your brother, if not worse."

Shizuo could hardly think with how pissed off he was, and he felt his anger surge as Izaya's words reached his ears through the sounds of their own rushed footsteps. Izaya was still talking, but Shizuo could no longer hear the words with how loud his ears were ringing. His mind was filled with murderous thoughts and all he could think about was killing the son of a bitch trying to escape. He was seeing red, his pulse was going through the roof, and he couldn't calm down when all he wanted to do was rip Adabashi apart. Most people would've tried to avoid getting shot when the stalker turned around to fire another bullet, but Shizuo charged at him like a wild animal. His luck was that Adabashi had run out of bullets.

Izaya took advantage of the situation and tried to hit the man with the throwing knives he kept in his jacket's pocket. One of them hit Adabashi in the arm and one in the leg, and it was at that moment, when the man staggered backwards, that Shizuo was upon him like a beast, grabbing him by the throat before slamming him into the nearby building. Kasuka had been through enough already, and Shizuo refused to let anyone hurt his brother again. A little force applied on the man's wrist and the thing broke with a loud crunch that sounded like music to his ears.

Izaya actually backed away a few steps when he saw the crazed look on Shizuo's face which reminded him too much of that night when Izaya himself was in a not so different situation and the beast had him pinned to a wall. It didn't take a genius to see that Shizuo's sanity was quickly slipping away only to be replaced by boiling rage as the beast's strong hands roamed over Adabashi's body, leaving broken bones and mangled flesh in their wake. It was like seeing a horror movie, only that it wasn't a movie and that the prey's screams were not fake but as real as Izaya's own had been that night when he had incurred the beast's wrath.

It was exactly what Izaya had wanted, and yet he couldn't help but be horrified by the terrifying display taking place in front of him. Oh, he wanted to see Adabashi scream and beg for forgiveness, which was exactly what the man was doing before Shizuo slammed his head into the wall and most likely cracked his skull, but the whole thing hit too close to home and Izaya couldn't help the wild shivers wrecking his frame as Ikebukuro's beast continued to crush the man who'd been stupid enough to try and hurt Kasuka.

A barely audible whine climbed up his throat and slipped past his lips when Shizuo threw Adabashi on the ground and then stomped on the man's leg, most likely shattering the femur if the disgusting crunching noise was any indication. A part of him was happy to see Adabashi scream and cry and try to crawl away, and it was he'd hope for when he'd come up with the plan, especially when it looked like Shizuo was so far gone that he was one step away from murdering the man, but the stalker was crawling towards him, grabbing his ankle and begging to be saved before Izaya could run away. It was simply too much, and he found himself frozen on the spot while the beast sauntered over to Adabashi and crushed the man's wrist under the sole of his shoe.

Right then the familiar stench of freshly spilled blood wafted through the air and Izaya's whole body shuddered in both terror and disgust at the too familiar sound of bones breaking. He tried to get away, but Shizuo's hand was now on his shoulder and Izaya thought he was going to be sick when the bloodlust coming from the beast was so tangible that he could almost taste it. He pulled out the switchblade on instinct and slashed at Shizuo's arm in the hope of freeing himself, and luckily it was enough to make the beast relinquish his hold. Their eyes met as Izaya took a defensive stance while Shizuo was still with his arm in the air, bleeding and looking at him in surprise, like a child who had no idea what he'd done wrong.

But he soon realized that he'd screwed up when Izaya's blood-like eyes and the hurt and fear he could read in them washed over him like water being thrown over a fire. Slowly, his eyes traveled over to Adabashi's broken body, and for once he didn't regret breaking bones, but he could almost smell the fear on Izaya and that's what he regretted more than almost killing the man still screaming in pain at his feet. He slowly lowered his arm as to not startle Izaya, but then he kicked Adabashi in the stomach, the man's body flying through the air and crashing into the wall. "He deserved it," he spoke in a gruff voice as he withdrew the cigarettes and the lighter from his pocket and lit one up.

Realizing that he'd screwed up, Izaya nervously licked his lips and tried to say something, but his mouth was dry and he couldn't find his voice. His hand was still trembling, and he quickly shoved it inside the pocket of his jacket and hoped that Shizuo would forget ever seeing something as pathetic as that. And _no, no, no,_he didn't want Shizuo to stop, not when the beast was so close to murdering Adabashi and condemning himself to spending the rest of his miserable life in prison and away from Ikebukuro's streets, the same streets that Izaya wanted to roam in peace without having to look over his shoulder every step he took.

"You're right, he deserved it," he said thickly while scrubbing a hand over his face. "In fact," he then added while marching over to Adabashi and poking him with his shoe, "he deserves much worse for what he's done."

But it was too late and Izaya became aware of that when Shizuo gave him a pitying look before the idiot dropped the cigarette and crushed it under the sole of his shoe. If the beast was sane enough to remember that Izaya hated the smoke, then it was also sane enough to not murder a man. So Izaya did the only thing he could do in his situation. He burst into laughter now that he knew he had to go through with his other plan if he wanted to end his feud with Shizuo once and for all. He'd been in control and he'd gotten Shizuo right where he'd wanted but the damage the beast had done was far too great and so Izaya had ended up ruining everything when he was overcome by the fear still slithering through his veins. Ikebukuro's beast was the only one who could divest him of his courage with a simple gaze.

Shizuo tilted his head and frowned at Izaya who was acting strangely. "Oi, flea, are you okay?" he asked, and he could've sword he saw those red eyes flash when Izaya glared at him like he wanted him to drop dead right where he stood.

"No, I'm not okay! You were supposed to finish him off!" he shouted and slammed a hand into the wall, sounding nearly hysterical. "Why can't you be predictable for once? Why can't you just kill him and end this?" he hissed while pointing to the two of them in turns. "He nearly killed Shinra and he tried to kill Kasuka too. You're letting this monster go but you didn't let me go?"

"That's the point, Izaya. I don't want to make the same mistake again," Shizuo confessed while taking the phone from his pocket and dialing a number.

"What are you doing?" Izaya hissed, blood-like eyes gleaming with wetness narrowing into murderous slits.

"Calling the police and an ambulance, what else?"

"Don't you _dare!"_ Izaya warned as he pulled out another throwing knife and tried to hit the phone with it, but Shizuo dodged it and snarled at him before taking a step in his direction.

Something had been bothering Shizuo for a while, and the suspicion that Izaya had leaked the information to Kasuka and Ruri's whereabouts kept growing the more he thought about it. "You did it, didn't you? You led this piece of shit," he growled as he slammed a foot into Adabashi's side, "to my apartment," and he knew he was right the moment the insect burst into malicious laughter. "You're not even trying to hide it," Shizuo uttered in disbelief.

Izaya's smirk grew wider and more dangerous. "Mhm, well, I didn't think Adabashi would bring a gun, which is why I went in there even though I had to risk my life, but yes, I led him to your apartment. You were supposed to kill Adabashi and then spend the rest of your life in prison, away from me and from this city you keep destroying like a beast every time you lose your temper."

"IIIZAAAYAAAA!" Shizuo roared and threw himself at the flea, but the insect jumped away and then started running st the speed of light, Shizuo immediately giving chase to the bastard who had put Kasuka in danger.

Even as he was trying to escape the enraged beast, Izaya pulled out the phone and sent a message. "I gave you a chance, Shizu-chan. Whatever happens now is all on you," he told the blond who was not at all being slowed down by the leg injury, and he ended up letting out a sound of surprise when he nearly got hit by a stop sign the beast had uprooted when they crossed the street. And perhaps he should've kept his mouth shut because the brute was now dead-set on trying to catch him and Izaya could only shudder while imagining what Shizuo might do to him if he caught him.

"Killkillkill!" the beast chanted behind him, and Izaya jumped over a fence and headed towards a certain someone who could stop Shizuo and save him in the process. "Simon!" Izaya shouted as he approached Russia Sushi.

"Izaya, what is wrong?"

"Shizu-chan's gone mad!" Izaya complained as he ran past the man, and he ended up breathing in relief when the Russian blocked Shizuo's path and then stopped the beast trying to get past him. He didn't stay to watch the show, but he could hear Shizuo roaring and cursing and the sounds of things being destroyed as the two of them went at it at full strength.

He kept running until he reaching the train station, not stopping once in fear of getting caught by the beast. The train was about to leave, so he dashed towards it and then inside where he finally took a seat and allowed his twitchy body to relax. Shizuo didn't kill Adabashi, but at least the sadist had still ended up paying for hurting the doctor. It would've been even better if Shizuo had killed him, but Izaya didn't want to dwell over such things anymore. It'd been a long shot anyway, and even though the whole thing had been too close for comfort, he still let out a laugh knowing that Shinra had been avenged.

Sighing, he pulled out the phone, dialed a number and raised it to his ear.

_"Orihara-san, I haven't―"_

"I don't want to hear it. Get me what I want or I'll find somebody else who can," Izaya threatened and ended the call before slipping the phone back into his pocket and staring at the view outside the window.

_I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this…_


	54. In a Memory

Shizuo cursed under his breath as he made his way back to the guy he'd beat up to a bloody pulp and possibly murdered. He'd calmed down a bit after his fight with Simon, but he was still pissed at Izaya and it took everything in his power to not get on the first train to Shinjuku and chase after the insect. He didn't even want to think about the destruction he'd caused in front of Russia Sushi, so instead he retrieved the phone from his jacket's pocket to call for help. He was in the process of dialing when he reached the place where he caught the guy and he realized that the stalker was no longer there and that the only evidence that something violent happened was some blood on the ground and on the wall. "Weird," he remarked, frowning.

He was pretty sure he'd broken the man's legs, so someone must've taken the guy away from there. It could've even been someone sent by Izaya. No matter how much of an asshole the flea was, Shizuo was certain that the Informant cared about Shinra. The two of them had become even closer during the past few months, and Shizuo doubted that the stalker's few broken bones would be enough to satisfy Izaya's thirst for blood. Either way, he had more important things to worry about.

"Kasuka, are you okay?" he asked as soon as the call connected.

_"I'm fine, but I took Ruri to the hospital instead of Shinra's place because Celty-san said he got hurt by the stalker. Sakamoto-san is taking care of her now."_

"Sakamoto, huh? That's good."

_"Thank you for showing up when you did. You really saved all of us."_

"..."

_"Nii-san? What's wrong?"_Kasuka asked after about half a minute of silence when he realized that Shizuo was acting strange. _"Please, nii-san, just tell me what's wrong."_

Shizuo gripped the phone tighter as he fought to control his anger. It was the flea's fault that Ruri got shot. Well, one could argue that it was Shizuo's own fault because he'd been the one to push Izaya past the edge and into an abyss of madness, but really, it was still Izaya's fault and Shizuo wanted nothing more than to beat the asshole to a bloody pulp. "Izaya told that guy where to find Ruri, so be careful around him. Never trust that insect, you hear me?"

_"I see. Thank you for telling me."_

"I'll meet you at the hospital soon," Shizuo promised.

_"I'm outside the operating room."_

After tucking the phone back into his pocket, he lit up a cigarette and headed towards the subway station. It was the fastest way to get to the hospital, and even though Shizuo would've preferred to go home and change first since his clothes were a mess―there was blood staining them in some places―and he was sporting a few bruises himself because of Simon, _damn that guy,_ he figured that it was best to get to Kasuka as soon as possible even if it meant scaring a few people on the way there. For the first time in his life Kasuka liked someone, and Shizuo could even go as far as to call it love since his brother had referred to Ruri as _"that special someone."_

It all sounded nice and all, and Shizuo was happy, but at the same time he was still worried that Izaya might put Kasuka in danger again. While the flea sort of made it sound like he would never hurt Kasuka the way Shizuo hurt him, it didn't look like the insect had any problems with endangering Kasuka and Ruri's lives if it means getting what he wanted.

"Ugh, troublesome," he muttered as he stepped into the subway and made his way to the back where he sat down. The whole thing was giving him a headache on top of the headache he got after the fight with Simon and Shizuo could no longer remember how many times the Russian had interfered and stopped one of his fights with Izaya even though said fights used to happen more often back when he was still in high school.

While Simon dragging them inside Russia Sushi and making them eat was not really out of the ordinary, he felt his ire rise at the mere memory of one specific autumn day he'd blocked but which somehow was starting to come back to him. For the safety of the people inside, Simon had made the two of them sit at the table situated the farthest away from the main entrance, after which he served them some weird sushi that Shizuo was extremely reluctant to try. It might've been because of the weird stuff on top and around it, or because Simon assured him that it was not made from humans, but either way he didn't want to eat it and it pissed him off to see Izaya dig into it like there was nothing weird about it.

Looking back at that particular scene, it might've been the first time Shizuo got turned on by Izaya. The flea was making weird sounds while eating the damn sushi, like he was enjoying it a bit too much, and the way the insect kept on licking those lips was pissing Shizuo off because he was not supposed to enjoy the sight. The most annoying thing however was that Izaya was doing it on purpose, and even though it'd been a one time thing, the memory still disturbed Shizuo, especially after he went through so much trouble to bury it deep into the recesses of his mind. While he might've never liked the flea, there was this unhealthy obsession with the insect he now admitted having, so Kasuka's words really shouldn't have come as a surprise now that he thought about it.

Their obsession however was not what most people assumed to be, but something born out of the hatred the two of them had for one another. Izaya wanted to ruin Shizuo's life and Shizuo wanted to break Izaya's bones. The sexual attraction was just an unfortunate side effect. In hindsight, Shizuo realized that it might've been the moment when he'd developed an unhealthy interest in Izaya's lips, those same lips always spewing insults and words meant to hurt him. No one treated Shizuo as a monster more than Izaya did, and it was unfortunate that he ended up proving the man right.

He kept thinking about the past and Izaya as he made his way out of the subway station and towards the hospital, and he felt his ire rise up a bit when he saw all the reporters gathered there in the hope of getting news on the two stars. A few of them shot him strange glares when he struggled to make his way through the crowd, and Shizuo ended up breathing in relief once he was in front of the door and he was allowed inside. A doctor offered to treat his injuries, but Shizuo ignored the question and instead inquired about his brother. The man was skeptical about the whole thing, but luckily Sakamoto showed up before Shizuo ended up punching the other doctor in the face for not believing that he was Yuuhei Hanejima's brother.

"I'll take you to Kasuka," the man said as he steered Shizuo in the direction of the elevator. "How have you been?"

Shizuo sighed and was about to light up another cigarette when he remembered he was inside a hospital. "Same as always," he answered as he shoved a twitchy hand inside the pocket of his jacket. "How about you?"

"I'm just worried about Shinra," the doctor said as he pressed the button leading to the third floor.

"Yeah, now that you mention it, how badly was he hurt?"

"Well, besides the elbow from a while ago, all of his limbs have been broken, as well as some of his ribs. I'd go into details, but I don't want to end up flying again," Sakamoto remarked nervously as he rubbed the back of his head.

Shizuo's eyebrow twitched at the memory of throwing the doctor out the window when the man started talking in medical terms, but for some reason he wasn't feeling guilty about it. "Who the fuck understands that shit besides Shinra?" he couldn't help but snap at the man, although luckily he didn't end up picking him up and throwing him through the still closed elevators doors before they even had a chance to open.

"Follow me," Sakamoto said after he stepped out of the elevator and headed right. "Ruri-san is fine now. I took out the bullet myself," he assured Shizuo in the hope that the man wouldn't destroy hospital property while he was there. Being Shinra's acquaintance, he knew well enough just how volatile Heiwajima Shizuo was.

"Is Celty here at the hospital with Shinra?" Shizuo asked even though he had no plans to actually go see her after what she'd told him that time when he was behind bars.

"Room 303," the doctor informed him before he stopped in front of Ruri's room. "I have patients to attend to. Come see me once you're done so that I can patch you up."

"Thanks," Shizuo mumbled as he pressed the door handle, his eyes meeting Kasuka's the moment the door opened. He slowly closed it afterwards when he noticed that Ruri was asleep and he waited by the door for Kasuka to get up from his chair and make his way there. "Sakamoto told me that she's going to be fine."

"I know she will," Kasuka said with conviction, taking Shizuo by surprise. His brother seemed to think of Ruri as being very strong, which was strange because she looked so small and fragile. He remembered the blood and her pale face, as well as Kasuka's worry hidden behind a mask of calmness as he held the woman he loved in his arms, so Shizuo couldn't help but worry about her because she meant something for Kasuka and he didn't want to see him hurt. He wasn't a hypocrite to pretend that it wasn't about Kasuka more than it was about her, but it really wasn't his fault that he didn't know her very well. He hoped that would change once she recovered and the three of them could talk over dinner or something.

"About that guy..." he started slowly, "I caught him and I kind of lost it and I ended up breaking some of his bones, but then I went after Izaya when I realized the asshole set the whole thing up and when I went back the stalker wasn't there anymore," he ended up confessing all in one breathe.

"It's okay, nii-san; you did the best you could." Kasuka felt the guilt coming off of Shizuo in waves and he disliked it. It wasn't the blond's fault, and in a way, Izaya had done what he always did, which was to screw people over for his own benefit. He assumed that in this case it was revenge on the stalker for hurting Shinra, and even Kasuka could tell that the seemingly heartless Informant cared about the doctor more than he let on.

"At this point, I'm hoping that Izaya got his dirty claws on the stalker," Shizuo admitted. "If that guy survives and he comes after you or Ruri again, I'm going to break his neck."

"Hey, nii-san?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to you?"

Shizuo let out sound of annoyance followed by a sigh. "Simon."

"Ah..." Stalker aside, there was something else Kasuka wanted to discuss with Shizuo. "By the way, I want to apologize," he said and his eyes landed on Ruri before he turned to a confused-looking Shizuo. "I was wrong. I didn't know what I was talking about because I've never liked someone before, but I like Ruri-san. When I was holding her in my arms after she'd been shot I realized that I can't stand to see her in pain. I could never hurt her, and I think that no one who truly loves or cares about someone could hurt the person they love. I shouldn't have claimed to know how you feel about Izaya, and for that I apologize."

Shizuo's expression was one of mingled pain, shame and relief, and even though Kasuka felt bad for bringing it up again, he didn't want his brother to think that he saw him as a monster who would hurt someone he liked, thought at the same time Kasuka couldn't deny that a part of him was seeing Shizuo as a monster not because of the inhuman strength but because of what the blond had done to Izaya. Kasuka might've chosen to take Shizuo's side, but he still found his brother's actions to be appalling and no matter how many excuses he'd tried to come up with, they always fell short when faced with the horrible truth of what Shizuo had done. "Nii-san, go home," he told the blond who looked like he could use some rest.

"I can't leave you―"

"Go home," Kasuka repeated in a tone that left no room for argument. "I'll be fine, and so will Ruri-san. She's a lot stronger than you think."

Shizuo was torn between staying and leaving, but perhaps Kasuka wanted to be alone with the woman he loved and Shizuo didn't want to bother them when they probably had a lot to talk about once Ruri woke up. On the bright side, even if the stalker was still alive, the man couldn't do a thing because of the two many injuries he'd sustained. Kasuka and Ruri would be safe for a while and the son of a bitch who beat up Shinra and shot Ruri would temporarily be out of commission. "I'll be going," he reluctantly told Kasuka who nodded and went back to sit on the chair next to the bed.

Shizuo's feet carried him outside Shinra's room, but he didn't dare enter. Too many things had happened between them and there was no going back to how they used to be. Celty was probably disappointed while Shinra hated his guts and wanted to see him dead. He missed the man's silly antics, as well as the peaceful discussions he used to have with Celty, and it hurt to know that he could never have that again. _I really screwed up,_he thought dejectedly before he moved to walk away, but just then the door opened and Celty appeared before his eyes. "I... I shouldn't have come here," he said and tried to leave, but Celty captured his arm and he had no choice but to stop.

[Don't leave, please.]

"I really shouldn't be here," he murmured without raising his head because he was too ashamed to show his face to his former friends. While it was true that he was still angry at Shinra for not taking his side after Izaya almost got him killed, Shizuo now understood that the bond between the doctor and Izaya was far deeper than what he'd previously imagined. Perhaps it was time to let go of resentment and accept that Shinra was Izaya's friend and that he'd lost Celty who used to be his.

[Your brother told me what happened. I want to talk to you,] Celty tried again, and she finally relaxed when Shizuo nodded and followed her inside.

Hating Shinra would've been easy, but Shizuo couldn't say that he hated the doctor. As a matter of fact, seeing him covered in bruises and bandages kind of hurt, and now more than ever he had no regrets over what he'd done to the stalker. "I don't know what happened to that guy... ah, so annoying, I can't remember his name. I chased after the pest and when I came back the guy was gone."

Celty's helmet tilted to the side before she raised the PDA. [Izaya sent me a message earlier. He told me it's been taken care of.]

"I can't say I'm surprised," Shizuo said, frowning, before he moved closer to the unconscious doctor. Shinra looked horrible and Shizuo kind of felt bad knowing that one of the man's arms had been broken by him. "I never meant to hurt him like that," he confessed.

[?]

"He attacked me and I only pushed him. I didn't mean to break his arm," he said and he nervously ran a hand through bleached locks stained with blood. Simon had gotten a few lucky hits, and the memory pissed off Shizuo all over again. _Tch!_

Behind him, black smoke spilled out of Celty's helmet and her hand itched to pull out the scythe, but Shizuo's sincere words of regret stopped her from attacking him even though she felt betrayed now knowing that the blond had hurt the man she loved. She also remembered Shinra's words and how he'd assured her that he'd broken his arm when he fell, which meant that it really must've been an accident. She might've not believed Shizuo before if he'd told her that Shinra attacked him, but she'd witness such an occurrence back at their apartment and she now had no doubts that Shinra would go after Shizuo to protect Izaya. It hurt a little―more than a little actually―but she chose to not bring up the past in favor of focusing on the present.

[The monster didn't touch that arm,] Celty told him after she moved beside him. [The other one though... the bones tore through the skin.]

As he read the text, Shizuo ended up flinching a bit because of the too many times he'd broken his own bones as he grew up. A few of those times Shinra had been there and had taken care of him by stuffing him full of painkillers until the ambulance arrived. He couldn't have been more grateful for the help back then. Shizuo missed that, and he missed Shinra and Celty so much that it hurt. "I'm sorry, Celty, for everything." He saw her type something but he didn't stay to read. Instead, he walked out of the room and away from the people he'd hurt with the stupid things he'd done because he was an animal who couldn't control himself.


	55. Ride to Destiny

_A/N: Oops, I actually updated this fic three days ago on AO3 but I always forget to update it here too since people don't comment much._

* * *

><p>The next day, Izaya went to the hospital to see Shinra. While the doctor was in no immediate danger, he still wanted to see the man. Ueda was supposed to 'take care' of Adabashi―as a way to make up for the blunder―the same way he had taken care of the three guys sent by his brothers, but someone attacked the two men Ueda sent to retrieve Adabashi and took the stalker away. As of that moment, Izaya had no idea where Adabashi was. It unnerved him, but at least the monster was no immediate threat. Izaya would simply deal with him if and when the man showed up again.<p>

He was passing through the hallway when he happened to run into Kasuka who grabbed him by the front of the T-shirt and slammed him into the closest wall. "My, my, Kasu-chan, what's wrong? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" His question ended with a chuckle; he couldn't help himself. Kasuka's hands were pushing him hard into the wall and yet the man's expression showed no emotions even though Izaya could read a hint of anger in those brown eyes. It was almost funny how much Kasuka didn't scare him, but then again Shizuo's brother had never really hurt him so it made sense that Izaya didn't feel the need to flick open his switchblade and bury it into the freak's gut for daring to touch him.

"Ruri got shot because of you. Hurt her again and you'll regret it," Kasuka warned before he released his hold on Izaya's T-shirt and took a step backward.

Izaya made a gesture like he was dusting something disgusting off his clothes. "You should be grateful the stalker got taken care of instead of threatening me." He hadn't exactly, but Kasuka didn't need to know that. "Now your girlfriend can get back to her regular life and you two can go on dates like normal people instead of hanging out inside a monster's apartment."

"Just stay away from her," Kasuka warned and Izaya watched him turn on his heels and disappear around the corner. Shrugging, he turned as well and made his way to Shinra's room where he knocked on the door. There was no answer, so he pressed the door handle and went inside. Celty wasn't in there, but that suited Izaya just fine because he wanted to be alone with Shinra anyway. The doctor was still unconscious, probably pumped full of drugs in order to allow his mind to rest after the ordeal he had been forced to endure at the sadist's hands, but that was fine too because Izaya didn't think he was ready to face him just yet. Gently, he picked up Shinra's hand and placed it into his own.

"I took care of it; for now anyway," he uttered softly as he squeezed his friend's cold hand. Leaning forward, he ran his other hand through Shinra's dark grey locks―the ones not covered by bandages―before his hand traveled downwards and he cupped a pale cheek. "You're alive, and that's the only thing that matters. For now, you just rest." Right then he thought he felt Shinra's hand twitch, but he concluded that it must've been his imagination when nothing else happened and Shinra still looked very much asleep. "Adabashi screamed a lot. Shizu-chan really is a beast." He was frowning now, but that was because the image of a wild Shizuo was never something he enjoyed seeing, regardless of who the beast was unleashing his rage upon.

"I played a really dangerous game, so Shizu-chan might really kill me next time he sees me," he realized, and he couldn't help but shudder as he remembered the chase they had before Simon interfered. "But you're worth it. You defended me when no one else did; you're the only one who cares." Celty had Shinra's love, but Izaya had Shinra's friendship. "I forgive you," he murmured softly. A few moments later he heard the handle being pressed and he turned his head in the direction of the door. "Ah, Celty, you're back."

[I went to see Hijiribe Ruri.]

Izaya was still in the process of reading the text on the PDA when Celty punched him hard in the stomach. The hit knocked the air out of lungs, and he wondered how strong Shinra had to be in order to take these as often as he did. "Okay, p-perhaps I―" but then Celty was squashing him into an embrace and all he could think about was _what the hell is going on…?_ It was awkward and he didn't know what to do so instead he focused on his breathing while Celty got out of her system whatever it was she felt the need to do. Finally, after about half a minute later, she released him.

[The punch was for her.]

Izaya let out a laugh as he straightened his back. "I figured as much."

[And the… the other thing was for taking care of Adabashi, even though you should've called me to take care of him myself.]

Shrugging, Izaya shoved cold hands inside the pockets of his jacket and turned to Shinra. "I didn't want him to be alone." The truth was that he hadn't called Celty because she would've ruined everything, but he had no intention of telling her that. Izaya still resented her for some of the things she had said, but he chose to let it go just as he had forgiven Shinra for trying to strangle him to death. There were many variables to the whole thing and as a chess master he knew better than anyone that nothing was ever simple; they all had their reasons for doing what they did. He turned to Celty whose PDA was raised and already waiting for him to read the message on it.

[Thank you.]

"No problem," he assured her. "I have business to take care of, so bye bye~"

[Wait!]

"Hmm?"

[Adabashi Kisuke was hired to bring Hijiribe Ruri in by a man called Yadogiri Jinai, who was the head of the Yadogiri Shinning Corporation, Ruri's talent agency.]

"I'll look into it," Izaya promised and waved a hand as he walked out of there.

.

Izaya spent the next few days looking into Yadogiri Jinai and Yamashita Rikuto, but while he didn't find much on Yadogiri Jinai who disappeared soon after Hijiribe Ruri got shot, Izaya had enough information to find Yamashita and hand him over to the Awakusu-Kai. The guy was stupid enough to not only steal from the Awakusu-Kai but also to stab the person who found him out. On the bright side, he had Masaomi and Saki to look into Yadogiri, and that was good enough for the moment since he had more important things to take care of.

"He's in there," Izaya pointed to the door ahead of them.

Shiki lit up a cigarette while his men proceeded to break the door. "Who lives there?"

"It's his ex-girlfriend's apartment. He probably fooled her into thinking he wanted her back," Izaya said, chuckling, while the Yakuza dragged out a screaming and kicking Yamashita who promised to tear out Izaya's intestines the first chance he got.

"I didn't think he'd be this stupid," Shiki admitted before he took a drag from the cigarette and followed his men outside the building.

"He kept this one a secret, so no one knew they were together, but I'm me and nothing escapes me~" Izaya shamelessly bragged. "I expect the usual payment," he reminded Shiki who nodded, but his phone rang and he excused himself. "Until next time, Shiki-san."

"As always, thank you for a job well done."

Izaya nodded and took a few steps before answering. "Onishi…" There was silence for a few moments, until he heard the other man shout something along the lines of _"I got it."_

Izaya's heart nearly stopped. "Say that again."

_"I got it, Orihara-san, I finally got it!"_

Izaya stopped walking and instead focused on the conversation. "Are you sure?"

_"Yes! I'm one hundred percent sure! Orihara-san, I expect big payment for this. This wasn't easy―"_

"Email me the contact information and everything else you have on the guy," Izaya cut him off. "Don't worry about payment. If the information is correct, I'll give you a big fat bonus. Good enough for you?"

_"Sounds perfect!"_

The call ended and Izaya just stood there blinking a couple of times before bursting into malicious laughter. "The pieces are almost in place~" he sang the words as he spun around in joy.

Surprisingly enough, Shizuo hadn't come looking for him yet, and Izaya was starting to wonder just how much was the idiot willing to put up with before finally losing it. "You're going soft, Shizu-chan," he found himself saying as he slipped the phone into his pocket and bounced all the way to the store, then the subway and finally back to his apartment. He and Namie were still mostly ignoring each other, but for once Izaya was in a too good mood to care.

"Namie-san, I'm home~" he sang as he strode inside and closed the door behind him before making his way to the desk. Once there he placed the plastic bag on it and took off his jacket. "I'd offer you some sushi, but I don't think Namie-san wants any right now," he decided all by himself, chuckling, while reaching for the bag and sinking into his chair. Smiling like a little kid, he pulled out the contents of the bag and opened the box, eyes rolling in his head as the first piece of sushi melted inside his mouth. "You really do hold a grudge, huh?" As expected, Namie didn't answer, so he clicked on the email from Onishi―even though he was afraid the man might've exaggerated the success of his find―and his eyes went wide and the next piece of sushi almost fell from his mouth when he checked the attachment and he saw the picture. "Ahh ha ha ha! This is perfect, perfect!" he shouted enthusiastically and proceeded to swivel in his chest, alternating between laughing and giggling like a schoolgirl. "I had almost lost hope, but luckily―"

Namie's expression turned into one of pure malice as she started reciting the lines on her screen, cutting his rant short: "_'I hate you," Izaya mumbled, but even he found his own words hard to believe when Shizuo was being so gentle and the wet lips brushing against his skin leaving feathery kisses in their wake did not suit a monster. Perhaps he was thinking too much when all he was supposed to do was feel. And it felt good, so he closed his eyes and shivered in delight. Shizuo's hand gripped a hip and Izaya ended up letting out a dirty moan when that hand slipped inside his briefs and massaged the still painfully hard shaft. "Did you h-hear… ahh… me?'"_

"Okay, _enough!"_ Izaya snapped. He had been stunned into silence the moment Namie started reading that disgusting fanfiction he didn't really want to think about, so it took him a while to find his voice. The whole thing was making him sick and he felt like throwing up, so he pushed the sushi box away from him before getting up and heading towards her desk. "Where did you find that?"

"Not another step," Namie warned at the same time that he pulled out a stun gun and pointed it in her boss' direction.

Izaya stopped and gave her a look of annoyance mixed with amusement. "Really now?" he shook his head in disapproval before letting out a resigned sigh. "This is not necessary. I just want to know where you found this."

"Actually, I found this a while ago, but you looked happy just now and it seemed like a good time to bring it up," she clarified.

"Namie-san is so cruel!" Izaya theatrically cried and ran back to his desk while wiping away non-existent tears. "How could you do something like this to your loving boss?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd appreciate that 'beautiful' piece of literature, since I know how much you 'love' Heiwajima Shizuo," she said, smiling innocently even though her eyes had a malicious gleam to them.

Izaya sneered in disgust. "Yes, it was 'fascinating,' but I have important things to do, so I'd appreciate it if Namie-san would read her fanfiction without sharing with the rest of the class. Thanks~"

"Tch, I don't read disgusting things like that."

"You just did~"

Namie opened her mouth to argue but she realized that she had in fact read it so she chose to remain silent. At least she'd pissed off Izaya and that was enough for one day.

.

Izaya never would've imagined that it could be so hard to convince a person to do something, but a certain event showed him otherwise. He spent nearly a week trying to get that specific game piece to play the role he needed it to play, and by the time he came back to Shinjuku he was so exhausted that he simply collapsed on his bed and fell asleep. He woke up the next day late in the afternoon, feeling a lot more tired than when he'd gone to sleep the night before. Cursing under his breathe, he picked up the phone from the nightstand and wrote a message:

「I'm back.」

The reply was almost instant.

_[Welcome back.]_

So Celty was not busy. _Good._He'd been talking to her as often as he could the entire week, the Dullahan keeping him up to date with Shinra's state. It was how Izaya found out that the doctor had been taken home after spending four days in the hospital and also that Shinra was mostly grumpy because he couldn't move around like he usually did.「How is he doing?」

_[He's still angry that I don't give him more painkillers…]_

Izaya's grip around the phone tightened. Somehow, the thought of Shinra suffering just seemed to hurt in a strange way.「When can I come visit?」

_[I have to go shopping and I have no one to leave him with. I'd appreciate it if you could come over. He's sleeping right now though, so that should help.]_

Frowning, Izaya's fingers hovered over the keypad for a few moments.「Sleeping? It's not that late.」

_[He wasn't feeling very well.]_

The pang in Izaya's chest suddenly intensified and his hand further tightened around the electronic device.「Is there something wrong with him? Besides the obvious that is.」

_[Really bad headaches. I gave him a couple of sleeping pills earlier.]_

「I'll be right over.」

_[Thanks.]_

_Perfect._ While it was true that he wanted to see Shinra, his objective was something else and it was for the best if the man was asleep when Izaya got there. He needed a certain something and he doubted the doctor would simply hand it over with no questions asked.

Groaning, he stood up and went to take a shower. He would've liked to take a long relaxing bath, but the window of opportunity was small and he had to take advantage of it. His hand brushed against the stab wound in his thigh and he shivered, body suddenly going cold even though the water was still hot. Touching the stab wound was always bad for some reason, but it was nowhere near as bad as touching that other part of his anatomy that Shizuo so viciously tore apart. He hated hated hated Shizuo for leaving him so traumatized that he couldn't even wash his body without his heart speeding up and his body trembling. "I'll never forgive you," he murmured weakly as he proceeded to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. _Never; no matter how sorry you are or how much time passes, I'll never forgive you._As always, he felt a bit nauseous after the shower, so he got dressed and then headed out the door and towards Celty's apartment without eating anything.

.

As a Dullahan, Celty didn't exactly feel tired very often, but she had to admit that taking care of Shinra was a tiring job, not because she minded making him food or doing other things for him, but simply because the idiot was always complaining about how he yearned to touch her, about how bored he was or about how much everything hurt. And there was also that one incident she still felt embarrassed about no matter how much he kept assuring her that everything was all right and that she didn't need worry. She should've literally _handled_ that one, but instead she awkwardly left the room and didn't come back until a few hours later when Shinra was whining in a loud voice about how bored he was.

The whole thing was not easy and she ended up desperately running to the door when she heard someone knock. [Thanks for coming,] she typed at the speed of light before showing it to Izaya who was in the process of taking off his shoes. She couldn't have been more grateful for having someone fill in for her if only for a couple of hours.

"No problem," Izaya chirped as he took off his jacket. "Is he still asleep?"

[Yes. He hasn't woken up yet, but you can go in if you want. I'm sure he won't mind if you wake him up. He's been asking about you ever since I told him that you visited him twice at the hospital.]

Izaya's smile widened. "Did he now?"

[He's looking forward to seeing you. He's been worried sick about you ever since you two fought.]

Izaya felt this pleasant warmth spread throughout his body, and he was so happy that he could hardly stop himself from jumping up and down. "Thanks."

Celty's helmet tipped to the side and she watched him in confusion for a moment before typing her question. [For what?]

"Nevermind~" he answered in a singsong voice before he walked past her and made his way to the living room. "Will you be leaving now?"

Celty nodded.

"Okay! I'll see you later; and take your time~" He waited until the Dullahan disappeared before making his way to Shinra's room. He carefully opened it and tip-toed inside, his eyes never leaving the doctor's sleeping form. He stopped once he reached the cabinet and he took a moment to really look at Shinra. The bruises on that nerdy face were not as strong anymore and there were significantly less bandages covering that messed up head. _That's good,_ he thought, a feeling of relief washing over him. The man's broken body was covered so Izaya couldn't see the casts, but he was hoping that Shinra's left arm, which was resting on top of the blanket, would soon heal so that the foolish doctor could at least have one functional limb.

_I'm sorry,_ Izaya mouthed the words before he turned to the cabinet and opened the glass doors as quietly as it was humanly possible, but he ended up cursing under his breath when he saw that half of the stuff in there weren't labeled. Feeling thoroughly pissed, he rotated his head and glared daggers at his idiot friend. _"What kind of a doctor are you?!_ He then turned to the many vials, jars and small bottles placed on the three shelves and started reading the names on the labeled ones, hoping that the one he needed was amongst them. Unfortunately, there were even some with labels but no names written on it, and Izaya had never wanted to punch Shinra in the face as much as he wanted right at that moment.

"Unlabeled yellow bottle, top shelf, right corner," Shinra's voice rang in the silence of the room and Izaya was so startled by it that he ended up hitting the shelves with his shoulder when he jumped in surprise and half-turned in the direction of the bed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Izaya lied and immediately tried to change the subject. "It's been a while," he remarked as he made his way to the bed and sat on the edge. "How are you feeling?"

Instead of answering, Shinra was just watching him intently. Izaya didn't remember ever having felt so uncomfortable in his friend's presence, so he continued to smile nervously while waiting for the doctor to hopefully open his mouth and start ranting about something, _anything._

"You don't have to hide from me."

Shinra's words, spoken in such a flat and emotionless tone, sent a shiver up Izaya's spine. _He can't possibly know what I'm pla_―

"I know," Shinra then added.

Izaya's eyes narrowed into slits and he couldn't help but glower at the man. "Then why?" he hissed the question at the same time that he gripped the doctor's wrist, but the man's emotionless mask broke and the mirthless smile on the bruised face spoke of deep sadness.

"Because it's what you want." There was a slight pause. "It is what you want, isn't it?"

"Mhm."

Shinra sighed softly. "Do you really believe that you won't hurt anymore if you go through with it?" The fingers wrapped around his wrist loosened, and he felt Izaya pick up his hand and place it into his own. Somehow, the gesture felt familiar.

"No, but it's for the best," Izaya admitted as he squeezed Shinra's hand into his own. The silence stretched for a long time after that, until Izaya finally broke it with a soft "thank you."

.

Izaya's hands hovered above the coat as he moved away from it and towards his desk chair where he sat down. He absentmindedly swiveled in his chair a couple of times before stopping and facing the city outside the glass window. Finally, he had everything he needed for his plan to be put into action. Pulling out the phone from his pants' pocket, he dialed the blond's number and waited for him pick up.

_"IIZAAYAAA!"_ Shizuo roared the name, forcing Izaya to pull it away from his ear.

Half a minute later, the brute was still cursing, so Izaya rubbed his temples and waited for the shouting to be over before he finally moved it back to his ear.

"Calm down, beast."

_"__I'm not going to fucking calm down, you piece of shit. If I catch you in Ikebukuro again I'll break your fucking legs. Better yet, I'll tear them off."_

"No one likes a tease, Shizu-chan," Izaya chuckled into the phone.

_"__Fuck you!"_

"Been there, done that," he chirped despite the mental image slamming into his mind, but the comment seemed to be working because Shizuo wasn't saying anything. With the beast now silenced, Izaya used the opportunity to speak. "I never meant for your brother and his girlfriend to get hurt. As a matter of fact, I feel bad about what happened, so how about I make it up to you?"

_"Huh?"_

"I'll tell you what happened to your brother in the past, as a way of apologizing for putting him in danger. You want to know what happened to him, don't you?" Izaya asked, and a malevolent smile appeared on his face when he heard the beast's sharp intake of breath.

"I'll take that as a yes. Tomorrow at six in the afternoon meet me at the place near the river where you used to hang out with your brother."

_"How do you know about it?"_

Izaya chuckled at the memory of how he came to know about Shizuo's favorite spot. "Shinra led me there one time when I was being chased by a gang. I happened to run into him and he told me about this place where we could hide for a couple of hours until things calmed down."

_"I hope his legs heal soon so that I can break them myself,"_ Shizuo growled into the phone, and Izaya couldn't help but laugh at the thought of the idiot thinking that his favorite spot had somehow been tainted by a flea.

"I'll see you there~"

* * *

><p><em>AN: The fanfiction Namie was reading is a fragment from one of my other fics called Hito Rabu! I was too lazy to write new porn. X3_


	56. The Kiss of Death

Shizuo was already on his fourth cigarette when he saw the outline of a figure in the distance, one which surely belonged to none other than the flea since the spot he was currently pacing was not one people frequented very often, if at all. It was on the river bank, a bit of a distance away from the nearest populated area, a place that Kasuka found when the two of them were kids. He remembered his baby brother telling him back then that whenever Shizuo needed a break from everyone and everything, the two of them could go there and enjoy the sunset together, in peace and quiet. A growl climbed up his throat at the thought of Izaya tainting this special place, but he'd tainted Izaya's body and that was much worse than what the flea was now doing.

Izaya might've thought that Ikebukuro's monster was nothing more than a dumb protozoan, but the truth was that Shizuo understood Izaya's reasons for constantly trying to hurt him. He'd broken the rules and humiliated his enemy in the worst possible way, after which he had the audacity to blame Izaya for everything. Looking back, he felt sickened by his old self. He heard approaching footsteps and his head snapped up, hand frozen in the air on its way to providing Shizuo with more smoke to fumigate his lungs with. He really didn't want to see Izaya, not when he was still mad―scratch that, he was always mad at the flea―and he still wanted to pummel the insect into the ground for putting Kasuka and Ruri's lives in danger. At least he'd get to find out what Kasuka was hiding from him, and that was what kept his boiling rage in check.

The man looked surprisingly calm, considering what happened during their last meeting, but what hit Shizuo hard enough to almost make him lose the grip he had on the cigarette trapped between his fingers was the sight of Izaya wearing that accursed coat once more, the man looking exactly the same as that night when Shizuo had caught him and fucked him bloody. The man stopped in front of him, his expression unreadable.

"I knew you'd come," Izaya said, his lips curling as he eyed the stunned beast. It didn't take a genius to figure out why Shizuo was so surprised, but it was exactly what Izaya had wanted and it brought him deep satisfaction knowing that the idiotic blond was most likely remembering the night when he'd crossed the line, broke the rules and forever ruined their perfectly balanced hatred for one another. Izaya would forever loathe Shizuo with every fiber of his being while Shizuo would blame himself for what he'd done to his enemy, which was something Izaya hadn't expected to happen while the beast was pounding into him, further ripping him apart with each new vicious thrust. He'd been certain that Shizuo would gloat about it, but the stupid brute was so remorseful that he tried to kill himself. That guilt was the reason why Izaya was still breathing even after everything that happened.

Snapping out of his nightmarish trip on memory lane, Shizuo took a drag from the cigarette and let out a puff of smoke, forgetting all about Izaya hating cigarettes when all he wanted to do was find out what Kasuka was hiding and get the hell out of there before his anger broke the dam holding it back and he would end up killing Izaya. "I had no choice, since Kasuka isn't telling me anything," he grumbled unhappily as he leaned with his back against the wreckage of an old building. A most surprising thing happened in the next moment, and his eyes went wide when Izaya's smirk disappeared and the informant suddenly looked so sad and broken that Shizuo ended up chocking on the smoke and then struggling to breathe.

"Before I tell you about Kasuka, there's something else I wish to talk to you about."

Izaya's tone was so unlike the one Shizuo was used to hear coming out of the informant's mouth that he was starting to get nervous about what the man wanted to tell him. It had to be something serious, since the flea wasn't taunting, insulting or even speaking in that irritating singsong voice of his. "I'm listening," Shizuo informed the broken-looking creature before him while dropping the cigarette on the ground and stomping it under the sole of his shoe, finally remembering that smoking around Izaya was not a very good idea. It could've even been the reason why Izaya was looking so weak and vulnerable. What worried him though was that his hands were itching to grab the flea and make him regret ever having involved Kasuka and Ruri in his revenge against him, but his mind and the guilt kept him from punching Izaya in the face and pummeling the insect into the ground like he so badly wished to do.

Izaya lowered his head, shivering slightly. "This needs to end," he uttered softly, still not raising his head. "So I… I'm going to tell you a few things, and then this whole thing will be over and I'll move on."

Shizuo's jaw fell. "W-What?" he ended up stuttering, not because he was nervous but more out of surprise.

"Before we met," Izaya started, suddenly shuddering and pulling out cold hands to tighten the fur around his neck before shoving them back into his pocket and continuing, "I used to watch you from a distance."

_What?_ Shizuo suddenly felt the need to push himself further into the wall and away from Izaya, the gnawing dread of hearing things he did not wish to know making him regret his decision of ever coming there. He was only just starting to panic when Izaya's lips parted and the flea was speaking again, voice quivering.

"I was enthralled by you, so I wanted to know more about you, about this human with inhuman strength. You were different from the others, someone interesting enough to catch my attention." Izaya's head was slightly raised now, but a bit tilted to the side and his eyes were fixed on the ground, as though he couldn't face the man before him.

The confession made Shizuo nauseous, not because he was disgusted by it but because he remembered their first meeting and how he'd attacked Izaya for the simple reason that he didn't like him. Since then, he realized that what had made him swing his fist at the red-eyed bastard were the cocky smirk and the overflowing confidence the teen was exuding. The guy was trouble and Shizuo wanted nothing to do with him. A thousand thoughts went through his head, but Izaya's lips were moving again and he tried to focus in order to hear what he was saying.

"―ted your friendship… and perhaps more."

"W-What?" Shizuo uncharacteristically screeched the same question for a third time in less than five minutes. "What are you t-trying to say?" he stuttered pathetically, palms flat against the wall behind him and pushing into it so hard that it was starting to crack under the pressure.

"I'm trying to say that I used to like you!" Izaya suddenly shouted, pained red eyes gazing at Shizuo from behind fluttering damp eyelashes.

Shizuo violently shook his head. "There's _no way_ you used to like me. You made my life a living hell! You tried to kill me!" he shouted back, sounding more than a bit hysterical.

"It was the only way to get near you, or for you to notice me," Izaya let out the words in one breath.

"You're trying to mess with my head ahead!" Shizuo growled. Izaya sniffled then, and Shizuo moved from the wall and grabbed Izaya's arm, shaking him roughly. "Stop this, right now!" but the flea let out a heartwrenching sob and brought his free arm to his mouth, covering it while tears began to stream down his face. It looked and sounded too real, and Shizuo pulled back as though he'd been burned, legs feeling weak after hearing Izaya's confession, especially when the words were reminding him so much of the Izaya from his dream who loved his Shizuo enough to still want him even after everything that happened between them.

"For a l-long time I w-wanted you to like m-me, and I never lost h-hope until…" He was wailing now, body shaking violently as he brought one hand to his chest and squeezed the material covering it. "Until that n-night."

Shizuo thought he was going to throw up, so he instinctively raised a hand to cover his mouth. Izaya was sniveling now, wiping at his eyes with quivering fingers while stammering about how Shizuo had utterly destroyed him that night and about how much it had hurt to be taken by force by a beast with inhuman strength.

"I thought I was going to d-die!" Izaya nearly chocked as he blurted out the words, his body falling into a crouching position before he was even done speaking. His coat splayed on the ground around him, shoulders shaking violently while he sobbed uncontrollably.

Shizuo's heart was beating so fast that he feared it might explode and leave a hole in his chest where the organ used to reside. He kept telling himself that what Izaya was saying was not true, that the flea was a lying piece of shit who was just messing with him, but the bastard was looking so vulnerable that it hurt. If what Izaya was saying was true, then Shizuo had really succeeded in utterly destroying the Informant. Izaya _used_ to like him, he was certain that was what the flea had said, which meant that―

He took a step forward before he could finish his own train of thoughts, hands extending towards the ruined Informant and grabbing one arm to pull him up while the other wrapped around the man's waist, pulling him to his chest. Izaya was trembling harder now, so hard that Shizuo feared that the flea might fall apart in his arms. His right hand released the captured arm and moved to the broken creature's back, stroking it in a comforting manner. With his head resting on Shizuo's chest, Izaya's cries were muffles, but he could still hear them and the guilt he felt at having brought Izaya to such a state excruciatingly ate away at his very soul. Izaya's arms were hanging limply by his sides, either not wanting or not daring to cling to the man who had brought him to his knees.

Shizuo kept telling himself that he didn't like Izaya, because he didn't, really, even as his hand moved upwards to gently caress Izaya's head, and as he reached the raven strands, the Informant shuddered in his embrace, most likely thinking that Shizuo would fist a hand into his hair and violently pull at the raven strands. Guilt was the worst feeling in the world, and Shizuo had constantly been drowning in it ever since that accursed day. It was this guilt that made him take Izaya into his arms and try to comfort him even if it was the flea and Shizuo hated him. The whole thing was awkward and he was starting to wonder if he dreaming or something, but the whimpers sounded painfully real and so did Izaya's shivers he could feel beneath his fingers. He almost wanted to pull back and run the hell away from there, but the flea's legs were obviously not working since Izaya felt boneless in his embrace and he would most certainly feel guilty if he left him there like that.

"I'm so…" No, saying it was pointless. Apologies couldn't magically erase Izaya's pain, nor would they lessen it. The boneless informant in his arms whimpered pathetically, and Shizuo gently pulled back Izaya's head so that he could look into the red orbs. The damp eyelashes were fluttering, causing more tears to run down pale cheeks while Izaya's lower lip was trembling. Shizuo was transfixed by the sight, but Izaya raising his arms and touching his shoulders made him jerk in surprise. Their eyes locked, almost as if they were gazing into each other's damaged souls, until Izaya tipped his head further back and tried to reach his lips, Shizuo freezing and his eyes widening in disbelief when he realized that the flea was going to kiss him.

Their lips brushed lightly, but in the next moment he felt something pierce his throat and liquid being shot into him, Izaya's pained expression changing into one of absolute glee as the informant tore himself away from Shizuo's embrace and a manic laughter exploded from deep within his chest. Shizuo recognized now, the thing coursing through his veins and leaving him unable to move. It was the same thing Shinra had used back when the doctor found out about what Shizuo had done and came to warn him to stay away from Izaya. He staggered backwards and then fell down, his shoulders and head hitting the wall behind him hard enough to make his brain rattle inside his skull and blood pour out of the split skin.

"Shizu-chan is so _stupid,"_ Izaya spat out the words in disgust between bouts of malicious laughter. "I mean, I thought you were attracted to me, and I played my cards on that assumption, but I'm still surprised by how idiotic you can be." He noticed that Shizuo's eyes were glued to the syringe in his hand, so he raised it and gave it a brief look before his gaze settled on the fallen beast. "Yes, it's what you assume it is. I got it from Shinra, and you know what? He gave it to me, knowing that I'd use it to end your abnormal existence."

The way Shizuo's eyes widened in hurt made him laugh harder, and he inserted the needle into the cap, placed the syringe into a plastic bag and shoved it into the left pocket of his coat before he moved closer to Shizuo, planting his feet on either side of the blond's legs and sitting on the man's lap, red meeting pale yellow. "Did you know that your brother suggested I take up acting? Don't look at me like that. I'm going to tell you about Kasuka, just not yet. Anyway, did you enjoy my show? Personally, I think it was way, waaaay over the top, but you forced me to take it to a whole new level of pathetic when you accused me of lying. You were right, but I needed to act pitiful enough to make even a beast feel sorry for me. As it turns out, you're such a protozoan that you fell for it. I still can't believe it!"

Fury set his entire body aflame and Shizuo was seeing red, and yet he couldn't even move his fingers, let alone get up and pummel the insect into the ground until there'd be nothing left but dust. He'd been stupid, _stupid stupid stupid,_ and deep down he'd known that it couldn't have been real, that Izaya wasn't actually _crying,_ but the sight took him back to that night and the regret he felt for what he'd done to the man made him want to comfort him in order to lessen his own guilt. A moment later Izaya gripped a handful of bleached hair and Shizuo snarled, although he knew that he looked anything but threatening when he was nothing more than a rag doll for Izaya to play with. "An act, huh?" Because of the drug he'd been injected with, he found it hard to speak, so he was talking slowly and he sounded weird, but it was better than being voiceless. "I thought so, but…" he trailed off, eyes looking at Izaya but not really seeing him until the insect's voice brought him back to the present.

"Indeed it was~" Izaya confirmed in a singsong voice, smirking. His expression turned neutral next, and he leaned forward until his lips were right beside the blond's ear. "Or was it?" He pulled back, and Shizuo looked utterly confused, mocha eyes transfixed on his face. "Just kidding!" he chirped the words and then tipped his head back as he roared with laughter. It took a good full minute for him to calm down, and his expression morphed into one of rage as their eyes met again. "What? Were you _hoping_ that I loved you? That I wanted you? Your stupidity knows no boundaries!" he remarked, sounding rather astonished. "You _raped_ me, you monster. You _humiliated_ me!" he bellowed at the same time that he roughly pulled on the blonde hair and slammed the man's head hard into the wall, making more blood paint the bleached hair red. "You tore me apart," Izaya hissed as he grabbed Shizuo's member through the material of the man's pants with his until then free hand, "with _this."_

Shizuo groaned and then hissed when Izaya's grip tightened. "Let go!" he demanded, and he was surprised to see Izaya listening to him and doing just that, at the same time releasing his hair too. It didn't take a genius to figure out what Izaya had planned for him and Shizuo just wanted it to be over―even though he didn't really want to―because waiting around for the inevitable was much, much worse. "Stop with these fucking games and just kill me already," he strained to speak. Instead of an insult or mocking laughter, Izaya chuckled darkly and placed his hands on Shizuo's buckle, making him gasp in horror. "N-No way." The flea proceeded to unbuckle his belt, and Shizuo was overcome with nausea when he realized what Izaya was planning to do. "Youcantdothis!" The words flew out of his mouth, so fast that they hardly made sense, but the flea wasn't stopping and the finality of the zipper being pulled down froze Shizuo's blood in his veins and made him shudder despite being unable to move. "Izaya, please!" he begged, and his voice sounded foreign, weak and pathetic.

Izaya's brows furrowed in confusion, only for him to burst into laughter when the pieces clicked and he figured out why the protozoan was so scared. "Oh! Shizu-chan thinks that I'm going to rape him? Ahh ha ha ha! So stupid!" The brute was watching him in confusion, pale yellow eyes begging him not to do it. "Yuck, that'd be disgusting," he declared as he reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a switchblade. "I figured that since Shizu-chan can't control himself, someone should do the world a service and castrate the wild beast so that it would never again be able to take anyone against their will. Hmm… on second thought, perhaps I should chop off your dick too, just to be on the safe side." The blond's mocha eyes were impossibly wide, the man's fear tangible enough for Izaya to almost taste it on the tip of his tongue.

"Nonono," Shizuo repeated the word like a mantra as unadulterated terror consumed him until all he knew was _fear._ The idea of losing his manhood was worse than anything he could've ever imagined, and at that point he was starting to think that he would've much preferred to get raped instead. "P-Please!" His voice was so meek that it sounded nothing like him, and the stinging in his eyes indicated the beginning of tears when Izaya flicked open the switchblade and pressed it against his still clothed member. Fear was choking him, leaving him unable to breathe, and he felt like he was going to die with how little air he was getting into his lungs. "Please d-dont," he begged, his sight now blurry as he watched the malevolent expression on the informant's face.

Izaya wasn't saying anything. He was just watching the beast, waiting for the terror to fully sink in. He'd never seen Shizuo looking so scared before, and it was a wondrous image, one he made sure to sear into his memory so that he would never forget it. It wasn't until Shizuo started hyperventilating and he was certain that the man was having a panic attack that Izaya pulled back the switchblade. "Just kidding, Shizu-chan, just kidding," he laughed, but the beast wasn't hearing him. The mocha eyes were unfocused, so Izaya slapped the blond a couple of timed until Shizuo was looking at him again with eyes filled with terror. "I was just _joking!"_ he repeated as he pulled up the zipper and fastened the idiot's belt. "Here," he chirped as he reached into his pocket and took out a cigarette and a lighter. He pulled one out and lit it up, taking a lungful of smoke before exhaling the air and placing the cigarette between Shizuo's pale lips. "Relax, ne? I'm not going to chop off your dick, even though I have seriously considered it many times before~"

Shizuo was having a hard time hearing, let alone understanding what Izaya was saying, but he thought he heard the flea mention something about a joke and then felt him fix his pants. The cigarette between his lips was helping a bit, but he was still hyperventilating and it took a few good minutes until his eyes really focused on the insect's face and he could breathe a little easier. He saw Izaya snap his fingers and ask if he was back, but he'd lost his voice and now he was having a difficult time forming words. He'd had no reason to doubt Izaya knowing how much the man hated him, and he still feared that the flea was just messing him again and that he was really going to cut of his penis. After what happened, he concluded that being utterly powerless was the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. If this was how Izaya had felt back then, then Shizuo couldn't really blame the man for losing his mind.

"Look," Izaya continued once Shizuo appeared to be somewhat back, "I've imagined many ways to physically torture you and to break your mind, and I'm certain that I would've been able to do it if I had wanted it, but that really isn't my thing." Sighing, he plucked a second cigarette from the pack and lit it up for himself, inhaling the disgusting smoke that he'd forced himself to get accustomed to. "I very much prefer to inflict psychological damage, which I believe I succeeded when it comes to you. I mean, look at you, feeling sorry for your archenemy. How messed up is that?" Shizuo's eyes seemed to be fixed on the cigarette, so Izaya smirked and lazily took a drag from it. "You must be wondering about this, about why I'm smoking." The beast wasn't answering, but his eyes indicated that he wanted to know. "It's all about conquering your fear, the same as what I'm doing here now."

"When you left me in that alley, broken and bleeding, I never imagined that you'd regret your actions, but you did, and you pitying me led to this." A low, almost inaudible growl left Izaya's lips, and he took another drag from the cigarette even though he absolutely hated it. "I _hate_ people pitying me. I really do, especially you. Telling you the many ways in which you've hurt me was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I had to crush the remainder of my pride just to destroy your mind." Izaya's free hand went to his throat and he scratched at it to emphasize his next words. "Ever since then, hatred has been constantly chocking me, leaving me unable to think clearly." His hand moved and he brushed his fingers against Shizuo's cheek before they moved lower to the man's neck. "You were scared out of your mind earlier. That feeling making your body freeze and your brain stuck on wanting to escape is called _fear,_ Shizu-chan. Now try to imagine feeling that way every time we run into each other. You wouldn't like that, would you?"

This time, Shizuo couldn't help the words as they rolled off of his tongue. "I'm sorry." He would never be able to understand Izaya's agony, but he had understood the concept of fear ever since he saw the video of Kasuka and Slon that Izaya had sent him. That was different though, and after Izaya's earlier threat, he now understood what it meant to be afraid because of something that could happen to him. The mere thought of Izaya castrating him froze the blood in his veins, especially when he still couldn't be certain that Izaya wouldn't go through with it. "I'm so sorry. I really am," he chocked, fear and guilt mingling and suffocating him with their overwhelming strength.

"Mhm, I know you are," Izaya agreed, softly exhaling smoke through his nostrils while watching the beast agonize over what it'd done. "I can't forgive you though; what you did is unforgivable." A low whine slipped past Shizuo's lips, and Izaya patted the man's shoulder. "Don't worry Shizu-chan; I'm not going to make you suffer too much. After all, I'm not you. But you know, I was going to lure you here and then stab you ten, twenty, a hundred times if need be, until I would be satisfied, but that was before Shinra got hurt. Something interesting happened when I went to the hospital. I realized then how much weaker I've become because of this revenge game, and how this whole thing didn't only affect us, but the people around us too. I know, I know, you may think that I don't care about anyone but myself, but I do care about Shinra, and Shinra cares about me, and I don't want him to get hurt again because of us."

The thought of being stabbed so many times sounded terrifying even to a monster like Shizuo, but Izaya confessing that he cared about Shinra and that he knew how much he was hurting others with his revenge made him forget all about it and instead he watched Izaya in disbelief.

"Ah, ah, don't look at me like that, Shizu-chan. It wounds me to think that you believe me to be so selfish. I love my humans, and I care about Shinra more than anyone." Shizuo was still looking at him as though he was having a hard believing the words, but the man's expression softened and he closed his eyes, sighing softly before opening them again.

"I had a f-feeling you cared about him." Shizuo said, but he was having a much harder time speaking than before. It was no wonder though, not when he remembered Shinra saying how this drug could put an elephant to sleep, and Shizuo was just human after all, even though he was a monster.

"Anyway, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you all this even though I confessed to hating the idea of others pitying me." Suddenly, he stopped, his expression turning neutral. "It's because you're going to die," Izaya simply stated, no hatred or anger marring his words.

Izaya's words were final, and Shizuo didn't doubt them when the man was looking as emotionless as Kasuka. It was not an expression he was used to seeing on the man's face, and he was scared once more, knowing that he'd cease to exist. He didn't believe in an afterlife, so for him death was final, the end of everything. Would anyone even mourn him? He didn't want to think that people would feel relieved by his death, but he couldn't help but wonder if they were better off without him. Kasuka might've never really told him to his face, but Shizuo knew that his brother was disgusted by him, and so was Celty. His parents would most likely be sad for a while, but they had Kasuka who was the perfect son, so they'd be okay.

Frowning, Izaya raised a hand and gently ran it through Shizuo's bleached hair. "Poor beast, you know you're going to die and you're probably wondering if anyone will miss you. I doubt anyone will. You shouldn't have been born to begin with. You're an accident of nature, and the world is better off without you." Shizuo's damp eyelashes kept fluttering to prevent any tears from falling, and Izaya thought that it was a strange sight to see. "It's for the best, Shizu-chan, so that the people around us won't get hurt in this neverending crossfire. I would never stop trying to hurt you," and as he said it, he pushed himself off of Shizuo's legs, flicked open the switchblade, raised his arm and drove the blade into the blond's mid-thigh, the beast's eyes widening in shock but no sounds coming out of his mouth even when Izaya was certain that he'd hit the femur with how hard he'd thrust the blade in.

"I'm merely returning the favor," he said as he wrenched the switchblade out of Shizuo's leg, the beast letting out a surprised gasp. "I'll leave you here to bleed to death, just as you've left me to die in that alley." Shizuo was now looking at him, those mocha eyes filled with fear and remorse, and perhaps a little bit of relief that the nightmare would soon be over, but Izaya couldn't be sure about that. "I gave you a chance to live. It wouldn't have gotten to this if only you had killed Adabashi and went to prison, but you failed to take it, and here we are, with you unable to move while bleeding out."

He wiped the blade on Shizuo's pants and straightened his back, moving away from the fallen beast to admire his handiwork. Ikebukuro's monster would never again be able to hurt him, and Izaya felt immense relief washing over him knowing that he'd be safe. He wasn't one to enjoy dirtying his hands, let alone personally take another's life―Slon had been more than enough―but Shizuo was just a dumb monster he didn't even consider to be human and that had been enough to give him the strength he needed to go through with his plan.

"I know I'm not entirely innocent in all of this," Izaya admitted as he pocketed the switchblade, "but really, it's all about perspective. From my point of view, I didn't deserve what you did to me, regardless of the things I've done before that. Shinra agrees too. From your point of view, I am partly responsible, because I kept taunting you and screwing up your live, and perhaps I am, but you still shouldn't have crossed the line." Moving closer to Shizuo again, he crouched in front of the man, eyes locking with the blond's and then going blank as he remembered something. "There's one more thing," he said, eyes still unfocused, "one more thing I have to conquer," and before Shizuo could even guess what he would do next, Izaya leaned forward and their lips touched.

Shizuo was too stunned to react in any way, so instead he just stared at Izaya's face so close to his own while the man kissed him gently. It didn't make any sense for the flea to be doing this, and Shizuo would've pushed him away if he'd been able to even if the kiss was pleasant and he was enjoying it. It was a kiss from his executioner, as if to seal his fate, and then it was gone, just as unexpectedly as it had started. _The kiss of death…_

"It must taste like defeat to you; but you know what? It tastes like victory to me. Like I said, it's all a matter of perspective."

Shizuo wouldn't deny that the words made sense, and as he watched Izaya―appearing as though he was aflame because of the setting sun behind him―and the executioner looked back at him, he felt at peace, for some reason. His fate had been sealed and he couldn't change it, so the only thing left for him to do was to quietly fade into the darkness. Begging Izaya to save him would be pointless, just as Izaya begging him to stop hadn't stopped him from fucking the flea. However, there was one more thing he needed to know. "Kasu…ka," Shizuo reminded Izaya, his voice trembling with emotion now that he knew he would die and that he would never see his brother again.

"Kasuka," Izaya's voice echoed Shizuo's, "yes, I was supposed to tell you about what happened to him." The beast seemed desperate to know, Izaya could see it in his eyes, and he would give him what he wanted, knowing that Shizuo's self-hatred would only increase. "As agreed, I'm going to tell you everything," he promised as he got up from his crouching position, took one last drag from the cigarette and dropped it on the ground, stomping it beneath the sole of his shoe before continuing. "Some of the people you beat up went after Kasuka." As expected, the blond's eyes widened in horror, Shizuo turning even paler than he already was. "They used to gang up on him and beat him up all the time, but you didn't know because Kasu-chan hid it from you. They didn't touch his face, so that you wouldn't know. Getting into so many fights is the reason why your brother is so good at fighting, good enough to do his own stunts in the movies he plays. Who would've guessed~?"

Thoughts of Kasuka getting punched and kicked made Shizuo's guilt skyrocket along with his rage, and he growled like a wild animal, the instinct to get up and _kill kill kill_ anyone who's ever hurt his precious little brother making him fight against the drug coursing through his veins with all of his might. He wanted to tear them apart limb from limb, make them scream in agony before finally crushing their skulls within his hands. It was his fault, everything was his fault and he needed to just _get the fuck up_ and massacre those guys for hurting Kasuka. _Fuck dying, and fuck Izaya._He needed to get up and make it to Kasuka.

"Well, that's the face I wanted to see~" Izaya sang maliciously. "You must want to kill those people so badly right now, ahh ha ha ha! But you can't! You should see your face. Anyway, this was fun, we should do it again someti― oh wait, we won't be able to, since you'll be maggot food. I'm guessing that you have about thirty to forty minutes left before you die, so I'll leave you alone to stew in your own self-hatred and guilt," he chirped, waving as he turned on his heels and started walking away. "Oh, there's one more thing," he added as he turned his head to the side and gave Shizuo one last look out of the corner of his eye. "On the bright side, you no longer have to worry about paying for the sink you broke~" and with that he went on his way, laughing out loud for a while before the sounds switched to humming.

In that moment, Shizuo _hated_ Izaya more than ever for not telling him about Kasuka sooner. Izaya was a fucking bastard, a fucking cruel bastard he wanted to punch in the face and break all of his teeth. He had to get up, _get up get up get up_ and go to Kasuka, make him tell him who hurt him and then kill those people, make them pay for hurting Shizuo's most important person. He _needed_ to punish those monsters for daring to hurt Kasuka. The drug was still strong, but the more time passed, seconds turning into minutes, too many minutes as he struggled to beat it, the more control he got over his limbs. All he needed was time, time he didn't have because he was bleeding out and getting closer to death. The situation looked grim, but he couldn't give up.

By the time he managed to move his hand he was already feeling dizzy from blood loss, and when he finally succeeded in getting to his feet, his vision was stained by black spots and he was faltering in his steps, almost losing his balance and falling a couple of times by the time he reached the stairs taking him closer to a populated area. He gripped the rail to steady himself when he nearly fell down, but his hold on it was weak and he doubted he would make it to the top. He still had to try, had to fight harder against the dizziness and weakness threatening to send him plummeting to the ground, but he noticed a figure looming at the top of the stairs and he stopped. It looked like it had no face in the sun's dying light―light fading just like Shizuo's life―or perhaps he wasn't seeing right when his sight was unfocused and almost completely covered in darkness. It didn't matter. He took a step, and then another, but that turned out to be the limit of his monstrous body and Shizuo felt the ground shift beneath his feet before he was falling, his head hitting the stairs and everything going black, as if a light had been switched off, leaving behind nothing but infinite darkness.


	57. Illusion's Play

_A/N: Many thanks to those who took the time to leave a comment on the previous chapter. I hope you will like this one too. :)_

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><p>"It's over," Izaya repeatedly uttered the words as he increased his speed, wanting to put some distance between himself and the monster he'd just defeated. The inside of his body kept alternating between boiling hot and freezing cold, reflecting the way he felt about what he'd just done. He kept thinking that he hadn't punished Shizuo enough, <em>it hadn't been painful or cruel enough,<em> but at the same time he knew very well that he would never be satisfied no matter what he did. Even knowing that, he was still having a hard time not going back and hacking that monstrous body to pieces, but he consoled himself with the thought that he'd inflicted a fatal wound to the brute's body―effectively killing the man the second he turned his back and left him there, bleeding and unable to move―and that should be enough. The coldness he felt spiking once in a while was an unfortunate consequence of him realizing that he'd killed yet another person, and by doing so, he too had somehow become a monster. A part of him kept arguing that wasn't the case since he'd given Shizuo a rather painless death compared to some of the things he'd imagined doing to him, but that didn't mean he wasn't angry for being forced into such a situation in the first place.

He'd been made into a murderer, not once, but twice, and all because of Heiwajima Shizuo. With Slon it was more a case of defending himself and trying to save Kasuka, but the man's death still haunted him and what happened back then, at its core, was Shizuo's fault. Izaya wouldn't have involved Slon or even considered hurting Kasuka in such a way if the dumb brute hadn't lost his mind and attacked him, though Izaya should've known that it wouldn't go well since the whole thing felt wrong even while planning it. It was one thing to give Kasuka's location to an angry jealous boyfriend and wait to see what happens and another thing entirely to bring someone to rape the man. _Rape._ The word alone made him shudder and he shook his head to chase away the images starting to reappear. Even though he was working on accepting what happened that night, he still preferred not to think about it too often, or ever for that matter.

Besides, he had more important things to worry about. Killing Shizuo had been the easy part; the hard part was getting away with murder. He could've hired someone to do it, but the idea of anyone else ending Shizuo's miserable life somehow made him angry and trying to figure out why that was at such an inopportune moment didn't seem very wise, so he pushed that thought to the back of his mind and turned right to pick up the bag he'd left behind a vending machine. Since he didn't want to risk being seen, he sneaked around the place, picked up the bag and then moved to the back of the store where he took off his coat and put on the hoodie he'd hidden there earlier that day. It wasn't something he usually wore, but that was exactly why it seemed like a good idea.

He then emptied the coat's pockets and placed it inside the bag, immediately flicking open his lighter and setting the accursed thing on fire. His skin crawled at the mere sight of it, and he realized it was a miracle that he hadn't thrown up all over Shizuo considering he wore the same coat he'd been raped in. He watched and waited until the coat burned completely, _just like Shizu-chan's life,_ before he pulled out the cigarette pack and lit one up, by doing so adding more to the list of things that Orihara Izaya wouldn't normally do. Lastly, he pulled the hood over his head to hide as much of his face as he could before he headed towards Ikebukuro, keeping his head down and trying not to think about how Celty might react at the news. He had no doubts that she wouldn't take it well, regardless of what the beast had done. _Not my problem,_ he told himself. After all, Shizuo had been the one to start it all.

.

Mori Ken couldn't deny that he immensely enjoyed the chess, go or shogi games he played with Orihara Izaya even though sometimes the youth seemed to be lost in a world of his own. When that happened, Izaya would just sit there, blankly staring into space, either frowning or just looking sad, while other times he would be too preoccupied by whatever he was doing on his phone to remember that it was his turn to move one of the game pieces. He didn't mind though. After all, most people had problems of their own to deal with, and the young man before him wasn't an exception. In Izaya's case, there was an obvious deep sadness hidden beneath the cheerful mask the man seemed to wear all the time, and even though Mori Ken was tempted to ask what was wrong, he knew better than to do such a thing. Izaya could see it as an insult and retaliate by unleashing the darkness hidden much deeper than the sadness exuding from him most of the time. Orihara Izaya was a dangerous man―he'd heard the rumors―but one whose company Mori Ken enjoyed.

His eyes drifted over to the chess pieces and then back to Izaya's face, the usual smile on the pale face now replaced by a cold expression. The young man looked bored out of his mind, and even though he could still sense sadness, the hatred was unusual. Izaya would normally glance around one in a while and smile as he watched people pass by, but all Mori Ken could now see in the young man's eyes was this deep hatred and disgust towards everyone and everything around him. "You look tired. Perhaps we should call it a night," he suggested. He hoped that Izaya was simply tired and that nothing bad was going on.

"I'm not tired," came the simple answer, followed by a chess piece being moved.

Mori Ken nodded, but deep down inside he couldn't help but worry even more. Izaya's move was weak even for someone whose mind was someplace else, and since Izaya would never insult him by letting him win, it meant that something else had to be going on. One of the two most probable explanations was that Orihara Izaya was deeply troubled by something, but Mori Ken couldn't even begin to guess what that was. The other possibility was that Izaya was simply coming down with a nasty cold or the flu, his voice sounding strange supporting that theory. Either way, Mori Ken felt there was something wrong with the man since the moment he sat down at the table. As he tried to decide what piece to move next, Izaya's phone rang and the man excused himself, letting him know that he'd be back in a few minutes.

.

Izaya was waiting inside the bathroom stall after having left the door slightly ajar so that he could see the people walking in. He was still smoking, which was weird in itself, but he couldn't help but light up another cigarette after the first one; he blamed it on the nerves. If Celty didn't kill him, then she would at least make it clear that she didn't want to have anything to do with him again. He still worried she might kill him though. Even the usually emotionless Kasuka might lose his composure and try to harm him in some way, which was why Izaya had to keep reminding himself to always be on his guard. He remembered their meeting at his apartment in Shinjuku and how terrified he'd been when the freak pinned him to the coffee table, but back then Izaya was pretty messed up and most certainly not at his best. That was no longer the case though. They were all welcome to come seek retribution if that was what they wanted; he was prepared to face them all.

The sound of approaching footsteps interrupted his thoughts and he tensed as he waited to see who would walk in. As he unconsciously held his breath, he thought how strange it was that in such moments it seemed as though time always slowed down, _just like that night._ It was like the human brain always found ways to torture itself. He remembered wondering back then if it would ever stop, if Shizuo would ever finish, and he also recalled the immense relief he'd felt when the monster finally stilled inside him. A wave of disgust mixed with shame washed over him at the memory, but he forced it back down as he fought to get some much needed air into his lungs.

Finally, the door opened and a man walked in, pocketing his phone as he looked around. Izaya threw the cigarette into the toilet and revealed himself a few moments later, not wasting any time as he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him inside, locking the door to the small stall before finally meeting the eyes of the one who looked so much like him. "Did everything go well?" he asked, trying to sound calm even though he wasn't. "Roppi!" he hissed the name because the bastard was just staring at him instead of answering.

"No one figured it out if that's what you're asking," Roppi answered and proceeded to take off the contact lenses. "I can't stand these," he complained as he dropped one of them and went for the other. "Your eyes are creepy," he then added, dropping the second one too before he raised his head and dark brown-red, almost black eyes met Izaya's lighter ones.

"The only creepy thing around here is you," Izaya remarked, frowning. "No one should look so much like me."

Roppi gave him a disgusted look. "I could say the same thing about you." Like everyone else, Roppi too wanted to believe there was no one else like him, so Izaya showing up to his house shattered that one important thing he thought belonged to him and him only: his face.

"I'm older than you, so this face belongs to me," Izaya declared, looking completely unamused. When he set out to find someone who looked like him, he expected to find a person who could be made to resemble him with a bit of help, not an almost identical copy of himself.

"Whatever you say, old man," Roppi teased.

"I'm not old!" Izaya snapped, and it was as though he was seeing red as boiling rage nearly pushed him to flick open his switchblade and wipe that disgusting smile off of Roppi's face. Izaya was only a few years older than Roppi who was still twenty-one, but that didn't automatically turn him into an old man. "Besides, I'm twenty-one at heart," he stated, looking smug, "unlike you who acts all bored and tired of life like a sour old man."

As much as he wished to argue otherwise, Roppi had no comeback to that. Because he loathed humans, it was only natural for him to be either bored or tired of everything around him, especially since he was surrounded by humans who believed they had been brought into the world for some greater purpose than simply perpetuating the species. In truth, all of their lives were meaningless, Roppi's included. He knew and accepted that, which was why some days he wished he could go to sleep and never wake up. Explaining why he was that way to Izaya, a man who loved humans, seemed like a waste of time, so instead he chose to remain silent.

Izaya took off the hoodie and handed it to his look-alike who gave him the coat. He realized then, as they made the exchange, that he hated this guy the most after Shizuo. It not only took him a whole week to convince Roppi to play the role of Orihara Izaya, but he also had no choice but to reveal why he needed someone to take his place for a few hours. The disturbing blank expression on Roppi's face made him want to punch him, especially when he was looking at him as though he could read his darkest and deepest secrets.

"So how was it?"

Izaya gave him a disgusted look before he schooled his expression into a neutral one. "None of your business. It's over now, which means that it's time for you to leave." Though the temptation to cut the man was very high, he knew that pulling out his switchblade would do no good, not when he was dealing with someone who didn't seem to have a problem with blades slicing into his skin. "Give me your account number and I'll transfer the money now," Izaya offered as he fished out his phone.

"I don't care about that," the younger of the two spoke, sounding slightly irritated. "Though I assume you thought I had agreed to this because I hate humans. While the idea of reducing their number by one sounds great, the truth is that I'm more interested in knowing why you would go to such lengths to kill another person. You could've hired someone to do it for you, but you didn't, which means that whatever happened between you and that guy is something personal. Ah, let me guess. Your boyfriend cheated on you and you killed him for his betrayal?"

Izaya's expression appeared to be neutral, but he had no doubts that his eyes betrayed the deep hatred he felt for Roppi. This human with dark red-brown, almost black eyes, who looked so much like him and who hated humans was playing a dangerous game. Before Roppi even had a chance to react, Izaya fisted a hand into the V-neck T-shirt, slamming him into the wall and pushing his switchblade into the unmarred throat. "Don't fuck with me," he warned. "Who do you think you are, making assumptions about me? You think you want to die now? Wait till you find out what real pain is. All I have to do is give your name to some people. Back off while you still can. You've played your role, _game piece._You're no longer needed, so get lost before I _break_ you."

Despite the fact that Izaya had a switchblade to his neck, Roppi still tried to push the man away, but he froze when Izaya gripped his sleeve and pulled it up, revealing the cuts on his forearm which ranged from freshly made mere hours before to fading scars. "Let go," he hissed and tried to push himself away from the wall, but Izaya roughly shoved him back into it.

"Mhm, I will, and then you'll _go."_ Izaya's words were final as he grasped Roppi's wrist, squeezing it hard. "Because if you don't, you'll learn how much these _don't_ really hurt."

The sound of approaching footsteps made both of them tense, but luckily that person only seemed to wash his hands before leaving.

"I'll go, but I don't want your money," Roppi said once they were alone again. He hated humans, he _hated_ them, and Izaya more than most people for saying that he loved the very same thing that Roppi despised, but he wasn't stupid enough to challenge the man and risk ending up in some ditch. He very much preferred to end his own life than to have it taken away from him by someone he hated. "I hope we'll never meet again, Orihara Izaya," he added as he pulled the hood up his head and headed towards the exit.

"You know what to do if you want to forever be twenty-one~" Izaya chirped, shoving the switchblade back into his pocket while watching Roppi disappear out the door.

.

Mori Ken waited patiently, eyes fixed on the chess piece Izaya moved before the man's phone rang. His opponent came back not even ten minutes later, wearing the usual smile while apologizing for taking so long. The first thing Mori Ken noticed when Izaya sat down was the strong smell of cigarettes. As far as he knew, Orihara Izaya didn't smoke, but that wasn't the most surprising thing. The hateful look also seemed to be mostly gone, and the man was no longer looking at him with hidden distain. If anything, Orihara Izaya looked glad to be there.

"I can't seem to recall whose turn it is," Izaya spoke softly, trying to look embarrassed. Mori Ken was his alibi, even if the man didn't know it yet, and Izaya counted on his testimony to keep him out of jail. There were other people around the place who knew him, but Mori Ken was the most important one since Roppi had spent a good two hours or more with the man while Izaya was working on getting rid of the beast once and for all.

The older of the two offered an understanding smile. "It's my turn."

Izaya nodded, but he was having a hard time hiding his anger as his eyes roamed over the board. Roppi was not a bad player―Izaya made sure to test him before bringing him to Tokyo―and yet the bastard had played a terrible game, most likely to spite him. "I apologize for wasting your time today," he found himself saying, "but I was waiting for an important call, so I was distracted."

"I'm grateful as it is that you come here every few days to play a game of chess with this old man."

"You're not old, Mori-san," Izaya chirped and moved a piece even though he had very little chances of winning after Roppi's disastrous play, "because the only thing that matters is how you feel on the inside." Mori Ken smiled and thanked him, and they played the rest of the game in silence until Izaya finally admitted defeat and they parted with a promise to play again sometimes soon.

.

It was a strange feeling to walk through Ikebukuro's streets knowing there was no longer a beast to throw something at him or to chase him out of there. He hadn't felt so free in over a decade, and even though he was tempted to walk though the district until morning, he decided it was best to head home and try to get some rest. The spot where he left Shizuo to bleed to death was not a place often frequented by people, so he wondered how long it'd take for someone to find the beast's corpse. It could be an hour, a day, a week, or maybe more, much more.

Maggots could be feasting on that monstrous body by the time one of his humans accidentally found the corpse, or a starving stray dog could just be hungry enough to bite a piece or two out of Ikebukuro's strongest. The image his mind conjured nearly turned his stomach upside down, but the sound of someone calling his name distracted him from his own thoughts and he turned to see Mikage stomping towards him. It was always fight or flight whenever it came to this woman, but this time he stood his ground, hand in his pocket ready to pull out the switchblade and flick it open if necessary. He refused to be chased out of Ikebukuro after finally getting rid of Heiwajima Shizuo.

"How could you?" she hissed, balling her hands into fists as she stopped in front of him.

Izaya gave her a confused look, one which turned into an irritated one a few moments later when he figured what it was all about. "I _didn't_ know."

"I find that very hard to believe, since you always brag about how you know everything," Mikage countered. It took everything she had to not swing her fist at Izaya and punch him in that annoying face for giving the twins hope only to viciously crush it afterwards. "Their date with Hanejima Yuuhei was all they talked about, and now I can't even get them to return my calls. They're even skipping training. Everything is your fault, bastard!"

Izaya's eyes narrowed into murderous slits as his fingers tightened around the switchblade. He'd gone through enough shit for one day, and the last thing he needed was for Mikage to show up out of nowhere and insult him. "In case you'd forgotten, we're no longer together, so you have no right to lecture me."

Mikage's eyes flashed with rage. "I'm your sister's trainer, so I have every right to do so!"

"I see you haven't changed one bit. It's probably why you still don't have a boyfriend." Mikage raised a fist and swung at him, but Izaya dodged it and pulled out his switchblade. "Or is it that I was simply too good and no one can match my skills~?" Mikage roared with fury and attacked, but Izaya chose to go into flight mode since he didn't want to injure the woman, especially when he knew that he shouldn't have made that comment. Regardless of what happened between them, Mikage had been his first, and he couldn't deny there were some days when he'd really enjoyed her company. He wasn't one to apologize, even if he was at fault―as petty as that sounded―but he made up his mind to do something to make it up to his sisters if only to avoid any future annoyances like the one chasing him through Ikebukuro that very moment. "I'll talk to them and see what I can do, okay?" he tried, but Mikage wasn't one to let an insult slide.

"How about you just die, hah?"

When Mikage was like that, all Izaya could do was run. She might've been good at fighting, but she was no match for his speed, so he lost her pretty quickly and headed towards the train station. It was unfortunate to run into her while on his way home, but not unusual in a city where so many people knew him. He hadn't lied about his sisters though, and he made up his mind to talk to them as soon as the police crossed him off the list of suspects in Heiwajima Shizuo's murder. He had no doubts he could handle the police, but he was still a bit worried about a certain headless rider and one emotionless freak. They weren't ones to forgive or forget.


	58. My Friend of Misery

_**A/N: You wanted more? Here you go. ^^**_

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><p>That night, Izaya couldn't sleep. He was restless because of what he'd done and because of what he knew would happen next, not because he feared he might end up in prison, but because his friendship with Shinra might not survive the next few days. Izaya had no doubts that unlike some people, the Dullahan would not buy his lies, and he was painfully aware of the fact that the doctor may be forced to choose between the two of them when Celty found out about Shizuo's death.<p>

He wondered what the brute's thoughts had been during his last few moments, if they were about how much he hated the man who had killed him or about how much he loved his brother. Telling him about what happened to Kasuka when there was nothing Shizuo could do about it had been one of the cruelest things Izaya had ever done, but he regretted nothing. In the end, he believed that Shizuo had gotten off easily. It wouldn't have been very hard for Izaya to hire a few scumbags to do to Shizuo what the beast had done to him, but he never again wanted to be involved in something like that since the mere thought of it made him sick to his stomach.

The warm rays of the rising sun caressed his cheeks and he noticed that it was morning, so he got up and went to take a shower before heading downstairs and getting online. There was nothing on the Dollars chatroom about a dead Ikebukuro monster, nor on any other forums or social media sites. Everything seemed quiet, or as quiet as it could've been with people chatting about stuff that Izaya found to be extremely boring. For all he knew, Shizuo could still be there, lying in a pool of his own blood, cold and stiff as a board. The thought was disturbing somehow, like it couldn't be real. _But it is,_ he told himself as he got up and went to sit on the couch to watch some TV.

In the end, he didn't pay attention to what was on, and it wasn't until he heard the door opening and Namie's heels clicking on the floor that he blinked in surprise and realized that he'd been lost in his own thoughts for quite a long time. "Namie-san, good morning~"

"What's so good about it?" she scoffed as she handed him a bag before heading to her desk.

"Lots of things," Izaya chirped happily, eyes sparkling with joy when they landed on the fatty tuna Namie had bought. For starters, he no longer had to fear an animal who'd nearly killed him, and if that didn't make it a good day, then he didn't know what would. He tried to ignore the fact that the fatty tuna tasted like ash as he chewed on it, not because it wasn't good, but because of something else he couldn't quite name. He only had a few bites before he picked up his phone, keys, slipped on his jacket and shoes and headed out the door, telling his secretary that he'd be back in a few hours.

The compulsion to head over to the place where he'd left Shizuo to bleed to death was almost overwhelming, but he knew that such a thing would be stupid and that he couldn't risk being seen anywhere near that place. The brute was surely dead and the only thing left now was for someone to find his corpse.

.

He was on his way to Shinra's place when he ran into Aoba, who just so happened to be one of the few humans Izaya couldn't stand. The dislike was mutual, but that didn't stop Aoba from always trying to start a conversation with him.

"Good morning, Orihara-san! What brings you to Ikebukuro?" the blue-haired boy asked in a friendly tone.

"None of your business," Izaya was quick to answer, not stopping even though Aoba appeared to want to talk to him about something. To his annoyance, the guy followed him, falling in step beside him and smiling like they were best friends.

"Don't be like that, Orihara-san. I only want to give you my thanks for taking care of Adabashi Kisuke," Aoba tried, but Izaya was still ignoring him. "Mikado-senpai is grateful too," he then added, hoping to pique his interested.

"Is that so? You two seem to be getting along well," Izaya remarked sardonically, not sparing Aoba a glance as he retrieved his phone from his pocket to see if there were any news about Shizuo.

"You beat us to taking care of him ourselves. We even bought this wig for Mikado-senpai."

This time, Izaya turned to Aoba with an amused look on his face. "Really now?"

Aoba nodded. "Unlike you, Orihara-san, we didn't want to put Ruri-san in danger."

Izaya waved a dismissive hand and went back to checking his messages, as though the fact that Ruri got shot because of his plan didn't matter one bit. It really didn't, as far as he was concerned.

"Your sisters are very upset with you," Aoba mentioned, hoping to get a reaction out of the Informant who was acting like he couldn't have cared less about anything or anyone.

The comment took him by surprise, and Izaya barely stopped himself from elbowing the annoying little shit in the face. He wasn't one to retort to violence, but it was none of Aoba's business what went on in his family. "That's none of―"

"I'm glad though," Aoba interrupted him, smiling.

Izaya's eyes narrowed into slits as he stopped in the middle of the street and turned to Aoba again. "Why exactly are you glad?'

Still walking, Aoba answered without even turning to meet the eyes of the clearly annoyed Informant. "I don't like competition."

For the first time in his life, it crossed Izaya's mind that perhaps he cared about his sisters more than he cared about other humans since he seemed to be having this sudden urge to flick open his switchblade and cut into Aoba. Or perhaps he just didn't like the idea of anyone screwing with the Orihara family. He knew his sisters could take care of themselves, but Aoba was not like the others and that somehow made him feel uneasy.

.

He was greeted by Celty once he reached Shinra's apartment, the two of them exchanging greetings before she invited him in. It would probably be the last time they talked in friendly terms, and Izaya already knew that he'd miss it. For a monster, Celty was quite nice, even if she disapproved of almost everything he'd ever done, but perhaps it was best not to dwell on it. "How's Shinra?" he asked so that he'd have something else to think about instead of the impending fight awaiting him.

[He's still sleeping as far as I know. He stayed up late waiting for me to run an errand and I didn't want to wake him up. Will you be here for a while? I have to work and I hate leaving him alone, as I've mentioned before.]

"Don't worry about it~ I'll keep him company until you come back," he promised, smiling as he took off his jacket and placed it on the sofa. "Is he still complaining about the painkillers?" If there was anyone who knew how frustrating it was to ask for stronger painkillers and receive none, that was Izaya. Shinra had never been hurt this badly before, and now the doctor was getting a taste of what it meant to be the patient denied the sorely needed painkillers.

Celty tensed as she typed the answer. [He's worse than ever…]

"Who would've known?" Izaya gasped in mock-surprise and shook his head. "Are you leaving now?"

[I have to deliver a package today, but if you're okay with keeping him company for a while, then I'll go now.]

"Of course, take your time~" Izaya said and watched Celty head out the door. He didn't know how Shinra would react now that Shizuo was dead, but he hoped that the man wouldn't chase him away. His heart beat wildly inside his ribcage as he made his way towards Shinra's bedroom, the speed increasing even further once he stopped in front of the closed door. Gathering his courage, he took a few deep breathes before knocking. "You awake?"

_"Yes, but wait, don't―"_

Izaya didn't wait and instead entered the room, realizing what a mistake it had been when his eyes fell on Shinra and he noticed the tent beneath the blanket covering Shinra's middle section.

"You idiot, get out! Out! Now!" Shinra screamed, his face going red in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry!" Izaya screeched and immediately walked out, slamming the door behind him and taking a step away from it just for good measure. There was an awkward silence for a long time, Izaya running a hand through his hair and coughing before finally opening his mouth to apologize again. "I didn't think that… I'm sorry, okay?" He was hoping his words would appease Shinra, but what he got instead was a growl coming from behind the closed door.

_"Fuck you,"_ Shinra finally answered.

Knowing that he was completely at fault, Izaya flinched at his friend's angry tone. The man had to be extremely angry to swear and Izaya knew that Shinra would never have said such a thing under normal circumstances. Truth be told, he couldn't blame the doctor for being pissed since he too would've gotten angry if someone walked in on him while sporting an erection. "I couldn't have known!" he whined pathetically, his face still as red as a tomato as he didn't even dare look at the door.

_"You wait for the person to say that you can walk in before actually walking in, you bastard!"_

Izaya flinched again and took another step backwards, the anger in the doctor's tone making him envision a whip hitting him hard enough to split skin. "What else do you wanted me to do? I already said I was sorry!" He'd seen the doctor angry before, but this time it was different and Izaya felt terrible for screwing up like that. For once, he didn't know what to say to appease his friend. "Look, I'm going to watch some TV and I'll be back later," he added in a defeated tone.

_"Then go already?"_

"Fine!" Izaya hissed and stomped towards the living room where he picked up the remote control and sat down on the couch before pressing the _On _button. It wasn't like he'd wanted to walk in on Shinra when his idiot friend was sporting an erection, though he should've guessed that things like that could happen. He was a guy too and he knew the damn things had a mind of their own. Either way, he didn't really want to think about erected penises after what happened to him, so he started flipping through the channels even though he wasn't really seeing what was on TV, too worried that the doctor might tell him to get lost and to never appear before him again.

It was about twenty or so minutes later, when he heard Shinra call for him, that Izaya turned off the TV and went back to his injured friend's room. This time, he knocked on the door but didn't go in right away.

_"Are you kidding me?"_ Shinra's exasperated tone came from behind the still closed door. _**"Now**__you wait?"_

"I'm just trying to… whatever!" Izaya snapped, exasperated, as he opened it and walked inside, neither of them looking at each other's faces.

Shinra was obviously still pissed and Izaya didn't know what to say. He took a seat on the chair next to the bed and folded his arms across his chest, his eyes fixed on a random spot on the wall. "You're in a shitty mood," he remarked, frowning.

"Oh, I'm sorry, mister I-need-more-painkillers-now," Shinra bit back in a mocking voice.

Scoffing, Izaya rotated his head in Shinra's direction and glared at the man. "Now you know what it feels like to be the patient."

"Maybe I'm in a shitty mood because you're an asshole who bursts into people's rooms without waiting for permission!" Shinra growled, eyes glaring murder at his rude friend. As though it wasn't bad enough that his father had seen him naked and with a hard-on, now his best friends had to be an impatient little shit and burst into his room while Shinra was trying to will away his morning wood.

Izaya flicked his wrist and made a dismissive gesture. "It's no big deal. We're both men, ne?"

True, they were, but the whole thing was still embarrassing. With his cheeks still burning red, Shinra turned his head to stare at the ceiling instead of Izaya. "It's so frustrating," he confessed, eyes stinging with the beginning of tears, "and painful."

"I know…" Izaya answered softly.

"I woke up and it was there and I couldn't do anything about it," Shinra nearly whimpered, blinking rapidly to chase away the tears threatening to fall. "I can't do anything by myself!"

"I'd offer to give you a hand, but I don't think you'd appreciate it~" Izaya jeered, very much aware that the doctor would've most likely cut him to pieces if the man wasn't immobilized.

"Eww, that's disgusting," Shinra complained, but he was smiling while shaking his head. "I'd rather have my darling Celty do that~"

"Like that will ever happen!" Izaya burst into laughter. Knowing Celty, she'd run away, punch him in the stomach or pull out her scythe and cut the idiot doctor for even thinking about it.

Grinning, Shinra gave Izaya a smug look. "There are some things that even you don't know." While it was true that he'd fought with Celty and that their relationship was not at its best, with him injured and Celty having to take care of him, Shinra had no doubts the two of them would eventually kiss and make up, as the saying goes.

As he watched his friend's happy expression, Izaya had to admit he was surprised. "Really? So Kishitani Shinra is a man now?"

Shinra averted his gave, looking slightly embarrassed. "We didn't get that far." He then turned back to Izaya, eyes narrowing into slits. "It was in fact you who interrupted us."

"Whaaat?" Izaya gasped, eyes widening in disbelief. "When did I do that?"

"It doesn't matter," Shinra mumbled unhappily, taking in a deep breath and then letting out a long sigh.

"I'm… sorry?" Izaya uttered softly, but since Shinra wasn't saying anything, he continued, "for everything. While I haven't gotten all my limbs broken before, I've been injured myself."

As his doctor, Shinra knew better than Izaya himself all the injuries his friend had sustained over the years, and out of all of them, the ones inflicted by Shizuo had been the worst. "Hey…"

Izaya's curious gaze landed on Shinra's now blank face. "Yes?"

"Have you… done it yet?"

Izaya took a sharp intake of break and fidgeted on the chair for a while before finally finding the courage to answer. "Yes."

The silence stretching between them was unbearable, and even though Shinra didn't really want to talk about it, he still needed to know. "Did he suffer?" This entire time he kept saying how he'd torture Shizuo if he got the chance, but deep down inside, he doubted he would've been able to do it. They used to be friends, or something along those lines, and Shinra couldn't deny that he missed having Shizuo―the one who hadn't broken Izaya―around. He breathed in relief when he saw Izaya shake his head, the weight resting on his shoulders after providing his friend with the means to bring down Shizuo feeling just a bit lighter.

"I didn't want to turn into him," Izaya said, unconsciously digging short nails into his thighs. "I… I never wanted it to come to this," he disclosed in a pained voice. "But I had to do it, for everyone's sake."

"I know." Shinra, better than anyone, knew that Izaya would've preferred for things to stay the way they were, even if that meant having to deal with Shizuo every time the Informant stepped into Ikebukuro.

Averting his gaze, Izaya took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Izaya was obviously apologizing for hurting Celty, but hurting her like this was preferable over him one day going after Celty. He had no doubts that Izaya wouldn't have stopped at anything to make Shizuo suffer, and if killing the man was what it took to keep everyone safe, especially his beloved, and Izaya included, then so be it. Celty would surely be devastated by the news, but Shinra hoped that his love for her would be enough to help her pull through.

.

Ikebukuro was as lively as ever, the humans going about their daily lives unaware that the beast had been slain. Izaya was in no hurry to go back to Shinjuku, especially now when he was free to roam Ikebukuro's streets to his heart's content. With Shizuo out of the way, he could go back to being the great Informant he was before that accursed night. He just hoped that some of the clients whose job offers he'd declined would be interested in doing business with him again. At first, he did it because he was unable to properly work when he couldn't even walk, but afterwards he'd been too set on revenge to care about anything else, too blinded by hatred to see that he was hurting himself with those games meant to destroy Shizuo.

He knew now that he should've gotten rid of the beast as soon as he got back on his feet. All the pain he'd caused Shizuo was nowhere near enough to satisfy him, and now, as he stood there on the bench, watching his humans walk by, he was starting to think that it had all been rather pointless. Nothing would ever erase the memories of that night no matter how much he wished otherwise. Shizuo had still broken and humiliated him, something that was never going to change. Shinra, Kasuka and Celty would never look at him the same way again, and nothing would ever make him into someone who was not a killer. The bitter realization hurt more than he wanted to admit, but that didn't mean he wouldn't accept it. Orihara Izaya had been raped and broken by Ikebukuro's beast, and nothing could ever change that. With his mood quickly turning sour, he stood up and headed towards Russia Sushi, hoping to feel better after eating some fatty tuna since he hadn't finished the box Namie brought that morning.

He was in proximity of Russia Sushi when he nearly ran into the van gang, and he hated himself for hiding inside a store in order to avoid them. He was still more than a little pissed about what Erika had done, especially when giggles would once in a while still resound from somewhere behind him, those annoying sounds coming from girls who'd most likely read those disgusting fanfics; as far as he was concerned, Erika had gotten off pretty easily considering she'd pissed two of the most dangerous people in Tokyo. Judging by the stack of manga she was carrying to the van, the perverted woman was working on remaking her collection, which Izaya was sure to burn again if that idiot ever dared to mess with him again. In the end, he had no choice but to wait until they left before walking out of the store and heading towards his destination.

Simon was outside, giving people flyers and inviting them to Russia Sushi, and as always, scaring most of them in the process.

"Yo, Simon," Izaya greeted him in a cheerful voice even though he wasn't in a good mood. He hadn't seen the Russian man since that time when he was being chased by Shizuo, and judging by the destruction still visible around the place and the fading bruises on Simon's face, the blond brute hadn't gone easy on the man.

"Izaya, how are you? Here for sushi?"

"Mhm, I'm good, and yes, I'd like to order the usual."

Simon nodded and Izaya followed him inside where he sat at his usual table. Even if Shizuo was no longer around, Izaya was in no mood to observe humans and he preferred to eat the fatty tuna in peace. He remembered spending many hours over the years at that same table, insulting Shizuo and laughing while the beast glared at him with all the animosity in the world. And he also remembered that one time when he made sexy noises meant to screw with Shizuo's head. Looking back, he felt embarrassed about it, but only because of what eventually ended up happening between the two of them.

"Enjoy," Simon said enthusiastically as he placed the plate in front of the Informant and left him to eat in peace.

Izaya picked up the chopsticks but didn't start eating right away, choosing to stare at the nicely sliced fish on his place while his mind wandered to his high school days.

_"I don't like you."_

Shizuo saying those four words was how it had all started, a simple statement which ended up sealing both their fates.

_Well, guess what? I hate you too, Shizu-chan, even if you're no longer alive._


	59. Calm and Resonance

Thank you for your comments on the last chapter. I apologize for the long wait but I needed a break and then I got sick so you ended up having to wait a very long time. :(

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><p>Izaya prided himself with the ability to control his emotions and impulses most of the time, so he was aware that he was slipping as he kept switching between the tabs on his browser or refreshing forum pages every five seconds. There was still nothing on any chatroom, forum or social media site about Shizuo's death and Izaya was more worried than ever that perhaps the beast had somehow managed to survive. If that was the case then―<p>

_No, calm down!_ There was no way for even Ikebukuro's beast to survive after being stabbed and left to die in a somewhat remote area.

Click. Click. Click.

And besides, even if Shizuo would had somehow managed to get up and head towards a more populated area, it would've still taken too long and he would've bled out anyway. The only reason there were no news about the beast's death was because the corpse hadn't been found yet.

Click. Click.

That plus it was really late―

_What's the time again? 3:47 a.m._

People were most likely sleeping anyway.

_Ha! No they're not!_

The proof was right before his eyes, people chatting about random things but no one mentioning Ikebukuro's monster.

Click. Click. Click. Click.

No, he would not go himself to check that Shizuo was dead. Unfortunately, he also couldn't ask around or look into it because he didn't want to be tied to anything related to Shizuo's death in anyone's eyes, not even those of the people who occasionally worked for him. The only reason he trusted Onishi with finding someone who looked like him was because he always paid the man a lot of money and because Onishi knew better than to screw over Orihara Izaya. That man was, in Izaya's opinion, the ideal employee.

Still nothing, but then he thought of Shinra and for the first time since he'd killed Shizuo, he wondered how Shinra felt about it. Those two used to be friends before Izaya had even met Shinra, so it couldn't have been easy for his doctor friend to offer the means of rendering Ikebukuro's beast unable to move and by doing so aiding in his death. He shouldn't have felt bad about it but he sort of did even though he hadn't been the one to screw everything up. It wasn't his fault. If only―

_Still nothing. . ._

Click. Click.

"This is ridiculous!" he hissed the words as he reluctantly got up and moved away from the laptop. The pull was strong and he was tempted to lie down and browse some more but he realized obsessive-compulsive behavior when he saw it and he felt embarrassed even though there was no one around to see it. Realizing that he needed a break, he turned on his heels and headed downstairs where ironically enough, was the computer. Shaking his head in disbelief, he started pacing the living room, now itching for a cigarette even though he did not smoke.

The realization made him burst into a high-pitched laughter and he momentarily wondered if he was starting to lose his mind. He immediately dismissed the thought, snorting to himself and folding his arms in front of his chest. Clearly he was worrying too much over pointless things. Shizuo was dead; he had to be. He continued to pace the living room for a while longer, eventually moving to the computer and getting online. This time he only checked a few things, fighting with everything he had to not succumb to the urge of checking a thousand social media sites and refresh the forum page every five seconds. He would not be reduced to that! His eyes hurt though, so he closed them and leaned back in his chair, wanting to rest them for a bit.

.

It was around eight in the morning when Namie came to work and found Izaya asleep at his desk, head resting on the keyboard. Smirking devilishly, she pulled out her phone and took a picture, making sure to pocket the device so that Izaya wouldn't know what she'd just done before finally allowing herself the pleasure of waking him up. Normally, the man was a light sleeper, but he must've been really tired if he hadn't heard her come in. "Stop wasting time and get to work already, you pathetic excuse for a boss!"

Izaya woke up with a start, straightening his back and looking confused for only a moment before his eyes narrowed and then locked with a clearly amused Yagiri Namie. "I was just resting my eyes," he tried to defend himself in the most casual tone he could muster, shrugging and pushing away the keyboard.

"What were you doing at the computer the entire night?" Namie asked, trying really hard not to laugh when she could clearly see the keyboard buttons indents on her boss' right cheek.

Instead of answering, Izaya covered his mouth with his left hand to hide a yawn. "I was working, obviously," he finally said, swiveling a couple of times before stopping abruptly and getting up. "I'll be right back," he then announced as he headed towards the staircase.

"You finally did it, huh?"

Izaya nearly stopped in his tracks as the question registered in his mind, but he forced his feet to keep moving in order to not give away anything to a person as dangerous as Namie. "Did what?" he asked without so much as sparing her a glance, still going up the stairs even though his secretary was obviously expecting to have a discussion with him.

Namie gave no answer and Izaya didn't insist; he didn't need to. Instead, he entered his bedroom, closed the room behind him and rushed to the laptop he'd left on the bed the night before. The news of Shizuo's death were all over the place, people already pointing to Orihara Izaya as being the culprit while others mentioned the Yakuza or one of Ikebukuro's gangs. A wave of both worry and relief flooded him all at once and he burst into laughter, a mistake he immediately corrected by covering his mouth so that his 'beloved' secretary wouldn't hear him laugh.

He couldn't afford to fuck things up now, so he got up and went to get some clothes he could change into after his morning shower. He noticed that his hands were shaking when he picked up a pair of pants but he didn't dwell on it and instead headed straight for the bathroom.

.

Namie thought it was funny how Izaya sometimes underestimated her even though the man knew she was anything but stupid. She'd noticed the changes in Izaya and she had no doubts it had something to do with Heiwajima Shizuo since there weren't many people in Tokyo―or the whole world for that matter―who could hurt Izaya. And now Shizuo was dead. The man must've angered Izaya a lot if the Informant felt he had no choice but to kill him. As things were, Namie was curious to see how Izaya would get out of this one.

From Namie's point of view, the funniest theory surrounding Shizuo's death was that of a lovers' quarrel gone wrong. She knew exactly how much the two men hated each other so she couldn't help but think how crazy some people were to assume that Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo had ever been lovers. Nothing about their behavior towards one another spoke of love and yet delusional fangirls seemed to think otherwise.

The weird thing about Shizuo's death was that the man had been stabbed, which shouldn't have ever happened because it incriminated Izaya even more. It was a terrible method of killing one's enemy when everyone knew Orihara Izaya's weapon of choice to be a switchblade and it seemed strange for the man to make such a mistake. Either Izaya had a well-thought-out plan that would exonerate him or her boss had completely messed up.

Angry eyes moved in the direction of the bathroom and she cursed Izaya for his stupidity, at the same time making up her mind to post that embarrassing photo of Izaya if the idiot got arrested. If that happened, she would certainly lose her job. Until then though, she had work to do, so she pushed aside her worries and started going through the files she had received that morning.

.

Izaya ended up opting for a bath instead of a quick shower because he was still very much tired and his limbs felt more than a little bit weak; not to mention that his neck and back were pretty stiff after he'd fallen asleep in his desk chair. The past few days had been a rollercoaster and even though he was well aware that he couldn't relax just yet, he still felt that he deserved a few minutes of relaxation.

As it happened sometimes when he took a bath, tired eyes ended up glued to the scar on his leg without him meaning to look there. The water he was soaking in was nearly burning hot and yet he was suddenly freezing as the memories started pouring in. Angered by his own weakness, he closed his eyes, raised his knees and wrapped his arms around his torso to get warm again and hopefully stop remembering bad things.

He was starting to feel warm again when he felt hands wrap around his throat and he opened his eyes, only to see an enraged Shizuo trying to choke him to death.

_"You should've just left me alone,"_Shizuo's words resonated throughout the bathroom as Izaya felt the hold around his neck tighten so much that he couldn't even breathe anymore.

He let out a wordless scream and started fighting back, using both his arms and legs in an attempt to push away Ikebukuro's monster. His struggle seemed to be pointless though, and as his oxygen deprived brain started to shut down, all he could think about was how it was possible for Shizuo to be there.

In the next moment he woke up and jumped to his feet, taking a few greedy gulps of air as he frantically looked around the bathroom for the beast that had never been there. Once he confirmed that he was alone and that it had only been a nightmare, he breathed in relief and slumped back into the tub, this time keeping his eyes wide open so that he wouldn't fall asleep again. He doubted he could with how fast his heart was racing anyway.

.

Namie was just thinking that Izaya was taking his sweet time in the bathroom when she heard a knock on the door. It was a bit unusual for clients to show up at the office so early in the morning, but she wasn't one to complain about work. Now curious about the most likely new case Izaya would be asked to take, she got up and went to open the door. As it turns out, it wasn't a client.

"Good morning. I'm Sawazaki Kotaro from the Criminal Investigation Bureau and I'm here to talk to Orihara Izaya. Is he home?" the man asked as he took out his badge and showed it to the woman he assumed was either the man's secretary and, or lover.

The police showing up there was not unexpected, and Namie had to admit that she was curious to see how Izaya would get out of this one. "Of course, come in," she politely invited him inside and motioned for the man to sit down on the couch. "I'll let him know that you're here."

"Before that, would you mind answering a few questions?"

Smirking, Namie sat down on the other couch and folded her arms in front of her chest. "Go right ahead."

"First of all, what is your name?" Sawazaki asked after he took out his phone so that he could take notes.

"Yagiri Namie."

"Do you work here?" the man then continued after typing down her name.

"Yes. I work here as a secretary."

"I see. Do you happen to know a man called Heiwajima Shizuo?"

At that moment, Namie was very much aware that she could easily dig Izaya's grave deeper and she couldn't deny that she immensely enjoyed the power she had over the man. Unfortunately, she had nothing to gain if Izaya got arrested. "I've heard of Heiwajima Shizuo and I've seen him a couple of times before but I can't say that I know him personally."

"How about Orihara-san?"

"What about me?" Izaya interfered before Namie could answer. While he didn't think that his 'beloved' secretary would go on a rant about how much he hated Shizuo, he preferred not to take the chance.

"Good morning, Orihara-san. I'm Sawazaki Kotaro from the Criminal Investigation Bureau and I'm here to ask you a few questions."

"I'm going back to work if we're done here," Namie announced as she got up.

Sawazaki gave it some thought before answering. "Yes, for now," he told her and then turned his attention to the man called Orihara Izaya who had just arrived downstairs.

"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Izaya offered, smiling, as he sat down.

Sawazaki shook his head. "No, I'm good, thank you. I'd prefer we go straight to the subject."

"What subject might that be?"

"Do you know a man called Heiwajima Shizuo?"

Judging by the intense gaze he was receiving, the man was trying to read him, so Izaya knew he had to give a stellar performance. He sighed softly and shook his head as though the subject of Heiwajima Shizuo was a nuisance he didn't want to deal with. "If this is about the rumor I've read online when I woke up today, then I can't say I'm surprised."

"And why is that?"

"Shizuo has made a lot of enemies over the years because of his violent tendencies," Izaya said, figuring it was best to keep it simple instead of going on a rant about how much he despised the beast.

"I take it you knew him well?"

"As well as I could when he was always trying to kill me the second he saw me."

"And how did you feel about that?"

"It bothered me, but not enough to want to kill him, if that's what you're asking."

Sawazaki was looking for signs that Izaya was lying but he couldn't find any. The man wasn't staring intently at him, blinking rapidly nor was he fidgeting, and his breathing seemed normal. None of the signs that gave away a liar were present and he was starting to wonder if Heiwajima Kasuka had been right about this man being a professional liar, or completely wrong and Orihara Izaya had nothing to do with Heiwajima Shizuo's stabbing. "Where were you last evening?"

"I was in Ikebukuro, playing chess with my friend Mori Ken." Sawazaki wrote down the name and Izaya watched him calmly. "In the park," he then added, guessing the man's next question. "He goes there almost every day."

"Thank you for your time," Sawazaki said as he got up and pocketed his phone.

Izaya got up as well. "No problem." He led the man to the door, opened it and hoped the man would leave already since there was only so much he could pretend before making a mistake.

"Don't leave the city," Sawazaki warned and Izaya nodded before closing the door and heading to his desk.

"I see you already have everything planned out," Namie remarked.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now stop wasting time and get back to work."

Seeing how Izaya was not yet in the mood to converse, she rolled her eyes and went back to work. Knowing him, he'd be ranting about something soon enough since the man loved to hear the sound of his own voice.

.

Realizing that Mori Ken would most likely not hang out at the park so early in the morning, Sawazaki decided to go see a man called Tanaka Tom who was apparently Heiwajima Shizuo's friend and colleague. He'd talked to the man before seeing Orihara Izaya and was told by him that he'd be home all day. Since he'd been given the address, he checked his phone and then headed in the direction of the man's apartment. He knocked on the door once he arrived there and he heard a tired voice from behind it telling him to come in.

He found Tanaka Tom sitting on the couch, a cigarette hanging between dry lips while the man seemed to blankly stare ahead. "I'm here about Heiwajima Shizuo. I'm Sawazaki Kotaro from the Criminal Investigation Bureau. We talked on the phone this morning." The man regarded him in silence for a long moment, his expression indecipherable.

"I know," Tom said in a voice that sounded nothing like his usual one. He still couldn't believe that Shizuo was dead and he was hoping it was all a nightmare and that he would soon wake up. "I thought it was strange that he didn't show up at work yesterday but I never imagined…" he drifted off for a bit before inviting the man to sit down and forcing himself to pay attention so that he could answer the questions as accurate as possible and hopefully provide anything that would help catch the culprit.

"When was the last time you saw him?" Sawazaki started, ready to type down anything important.

Tom took a drag from the cigarette and exhaled the smoke before answering. "Two days ago, at work."

"Did anything strange happen that day?"

"He was in a bad mood, but it wasn't unusual for him."

"I assume you know a man called Orihara Izaya."

"Yes, I know him," Tom growled the answer in an uncharacteristic tone, anger boiling inside him at the mere mention of that name.

"I've heard they fought all the time," Hawazaki remarked.

"They used to fight a lot more in the past, but something must've happened a while back because Shizuo was always saying something about hurting Orihara Izaya and how sorry he felt about it. Shizuo started acting strange around the time Orihara went missing for a while and the two of them seemed awkward around each other after that whenever they met."

"Any ideas on what might've happened?"

"Shizuo wasn't one to go easy on Izaya since their hatred for one another ran deep, so I'm guessing he caught him and nearly killed him. It would explain why Orihara went missing for a while. Listen Detective, Shizuo was a good man, regardless of what you might hear about him, so please catch whoever did this," Tom pleaded earnestly.

"I will do my best. Please call me if you remember anything else."

Tom nodded and waited for the man to leave before lighting up another cigarette and inhaling some much needed smoke. He felt so depressed that he took the day off because he doubted he could function properly knowing that his best friend was dead. They'd known each other since middle school and Shizuo was one of the few people he cared about. His fist tightened to the point that his nails punctured the skin but he didn't feel it. All he felt was anger and grief.

.

"Mori Ken?"

"Yes," the man confirmed as he raised his head to see the young man addressing him.

"May we talk for a bit?" Sawazaki asked at the same time that he took out his badge.

"Of course. How may I be of help?"

"Is it true that you were playing chess with a man called Orihara Izaya two days ago, in the evening?"

Mori Ken's eyes flickered down to the chess board momentarily before nodding his head. "Yes, it's true. We started at around five in the afternoon and kept playing until late in the evening. He left and hour or so after it got dark."

Sawazaki ended up frowning since Izaya having an alibi complicated things. "Did he leave at all during that time?"

Mori Ken scratched his chin, looking pensive. "He went to the public bathroom sometimes after it got dark, but he wasn't gone for more than ten minutes."

"Did anything strange happen during that time?"

"He seemed distracted, but that's not unusual in today's youth," Mori Ken said, shrugging slightly.

"How about Heiwajima Shizuo? Do you know anyone going by that name?"

"No, I don't." The questions were worrying him though. "I'm sorry, but did something happen to Orihara-san?"

"No, he's fine. Is there anyone else who saw Orihara Izaya that evening?"

"Almost everyone here," Mori Ken said, smiling softly and making a gesture indicating the people around him.

.

Izaya was still in the process of ignoring Namie, or trying to, when the phone rang. His eyes slightly widened when he saw who it was and he smirked at the thought of exchanging a few words with the emotionless freak. Instead of answering right away, he got up and went upstairs so that he could talk in peace without Namie eavesdropping on his conversation. "Hello?" he answered as soon as he sat down on the bed and got ready for a lengthy conversation.

_"You're not going to get away with it."_

Kasuka's tone seemed as emotionless as ever but Izaya could detect a hint of anger somewhere in there. "I don't know what you're talking about, Kasu-chan," he replied in an innocent tone and expected Kasuka to continue threatening him but the man unexpectedly ended the call. Izaya was left there, blinking in surprise and wondering why Kasuka didn't tell him exactly how he was going to make him pay for killing Shizuo.

Then again, it was in Kasuka's nature to not speak too much even when one hoped otherwise and he was curious to see how the freak would get back at him for murdering his precious brother.

"I'm looking forward to it, Kasu-chan~"


	60. Feel The Anger

sierra:Thank you very much! Here's another update. :)

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><p>Dodging Namie's questions was starting to become exhausting and Izaya felt that he was about to explode with that accursed woman hounding him. She kept trying to fish for information or to make him spill the beans but that stuff didn't work on him and he could read on her face some of the frustration she was feeling.<p>

"I can't believe you were stupid enough to stab him," Namie started once again, this time hoping to make him talk by insulting his intelligence. "Everyone knows your weapon of choice is a switchblade, so to kill Heiwajima Shizuo with one is the epitome of stupidity."

"And I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with your brain since you're obviously not hearing a word I'm saying," Izaya remarked, rolling his eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh when Namie continued to rant instead of getting the hint and shutting the hell up. Deciding that he had enough, he stood up, picked up his jacket and went out the door, nearly slamming it behind him.

"That's what I get for hiring her as my secretary," Izaya hissed the words as he made his way down the stairs. He could've taken the elevator but he didn't have the patience to wait for it and he wanted to get as quickly and as far away from Namie as possible. That woman was one of the few people who knew exactly how to annoy him and Izaya didn't like that. Namie aside, he doubted he could rest before seeing Shizuo's corpse. The beast had probably been taken to the nearest hospital for the autopsy and he knew just how to get what he wanted without raising suspicions. Smirking, he walked out of the building, heading towards the nearest train station from where he could hop a ride to Ikebukuro.

The next part wasn't to Izaya's taste since it involved him getting hurt but he needed a reason to go to the hospital and he couldn't think of a better way to achieve that then to get punched by Simon who would surely hurt him for killing Shizuo. If there was anyone besides Erika who wanted him and Shizuo to get along, that was Simon.

Surprisingly enough, the Russian giant wasn't out in the street handing out fliers or inviting people inside like he usually did, though it was funny to still see vestiges of the fight between Simon and Shizuo from back when Izaya had lured the beast towards Simon who just so happened to be one of the two people who could stop the rampaging brute. The other one was Shishizaki, but the mere thought of that guy made him angry and Izaya didn't want to think about the bastard who was fast as him and as strong as Shizuo.

Without hesitation, he walked into the restaurant, the few heads turning in his direction displaying tight lips and eyes narrowed in suspicion. Unlike Dennis, who had simply stopped what he was doing and was now staring at him, Simon walked in his direction, wearing a disturbing smile on his face, and asked if Izaya could follow him to the back of the restaurant. Knowing what he was getting himself into, Izaya took a deep breath and followed Simon, the man turning to face him as soon as they were out of view from the rest of the customers.

"Как дела?" Izaya asked, trying not to sound nervous even though he could still clearly remember how much it hurt to get punched by Simon. The look in the Russian's eyes was kind of scary and Izaya was having a hard time keeping his body rooted on the spot when all he wanted to do was to run the hell away from there. Sure, he could've cut himself instead to fake an injury, but getting hurt by someone else seemed like a better idea, especially if Sawazaki or anyone else were to inquire about his presence at the hospital. "Simon…?" Izaya uttered the name, now feeling slightly annoyed that the Russian was just staring at him instead of saying something.

"Did you kill Shizuo?" Simon asked, balling his right hand into a tight fist in preparation of punching Izaya in the face if it turned out that the Informant had really done it. He doubted Izaya would admit to killing Shizuo, but he'd known the man for a very long time and he hoped to be able to tell whether or not Izaya had done it.

Sighing softly, Izaya raised his head and looked Simon straight in the eyes. "What do you think?" The answer came in the form of a fist, impacting the left side of Izaya's face with enough force to send him flying into the wall. It hurt a lot more than the last time and Izaya was struggling to breathe now that the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He collapsed on the floor, clutching his chest and gasping while Simon crouched in front of him.

"Don't come here again," Simon said, grasping Izaya's chin to look into pained red eyes.

Izaya tore himself away from Simon's fingers and slowly got up, throwing the man an amused look before heading in the direction of the back exit. Once there, he pressed the handle but stopped and turned to Simon who was looking extremely dangerous for a man who disliked violence. "You all think I'm evil, but none of you have seen the real Heiwajima Shizuo," Izaya spoke in a strained voice, holding tightly onto the handle since he was still somewhat dizzy from the punch. "Anyway, прощайте," he said and walked out of the store, hissing in pain a few moments later when he gingerly touched the back of his head and felt a bit of blood.

.

Izaya went to Sakamoto as soon as he arrived at the hospital, the doctor sighing and then motioning for him to sit down.

"Who did you piss off this time?" the man asked as he proceeded to clean the head wound after assessing the damage even though he wanted to throttle Izaya for what he'd done to Shizuo. He might've been Shizuo and Izaya's acquaintance, but he was also a doctor and he would do his duty no matter what.

"Simon seemed to be in a bad mood," Izaya answered, shrugging. "I only wanted to eat some fatty tuna."

"You _never_ only want something," Sakamoto remarked, pressing the gauze a bit too hard on the wound he was cleaning.

Izaya hissed in pain and glared at the man but chose to remain silent since he knew this was about Shizuo and he wanted Sakamoto to be the one to start the discussion.

"It doesn't look like you'll need stitches," Sakamoto said and threw the gauze in the garbage bin along with the gloves. He then folded his arms in front of his chest and narrowed his eyes, silently watching Izaya who was putting on his jacket. "Shizuo," he uttered the name to get Izaya's attention.

"What about Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked in an innocent voice, slightly tilting his head to the side.

Sakamoto's expression twisted into one of anger. "Kasuka swears you're the one who stabbed him and left him to die."

"So he really died, huh?"

"You should know," Sakamoto snarled, fisting both hands into Izaya's T-shirt, "since you're the one who stabbed him. I've seen the injuries caused by your switchblade too many times before to not recognize them right away."

Izaya was about to wrap his hands around Sakamoto's wrists so that he could push him away but the man released his hold on the black T-shirt and angrily marched to the window, now facing the outside view.

"I know you hated Shizuo, but did you have to go that far?" Sakamoto hissed, slamming his fist on the window's sill. "Kasuka was crushed when I talked to him yesterday." The silence then stretched for more than a minute before Sakamoto spoke again. "You know what? Get the hell out of here!" he growled, turning angry eyes towards Izaya who was just standing there with his hands inside the pockets of his jacket.

"Whatever happened to him was not my fault, whether you believe me or not," Izaya stated in what he hoped was a sincere voice.

"Get out!"

"Can I at least say good bye to Shizu-chan?" he asked but immediately turned and walked out the door when Sakamoto picked up a scalpel. Nothing seemed to be going his way and as much as he hated having to involve anyone in this, he was starting to seriously consider having Onishi hack into the hospital's records.

.

He was on his way to the train station, trying to not get annoyed by the strange looks he was receiving or the murmuring he could hear whenever some people passed him by, when he heard a familiar neigh coming from somewhere behind him. He turned around, barely managing to dodge the incoming scythe wielded by what appeared to be a murderous Dullahan. There were numerous black shadows spilling from beneath her helmet and Izaya did the only thing one could do in his situation: he ran.

He dashed right into the street, miraculously avoiding the speeding cars and getting enough of a head start to hopefully lose Celty who was on her bike and was having a much harder time crossing the street. He then turned right and ran into a store, knowing the place had a back exit which he could use to put even more distance between himself and the seething Dullahan who by the sounds of screaming customers, was not that far behind him. As soon as he was out the door he pushed the garbage bin to block the exit and ran, not even stopping to look behind him when he heard the loud noise of what appeared to be Celty trying to make her way out of there.

Orihara Izaya wasn't one to get scared easily, but he had a feeling that he might really get killed if Celty were to get her hands on him. He was still in pain because of how hard his body had hit the wall back at Russia Sushi―courtesy of Simon―but the fear of death was higher than any pain his body was in so he pushed himself to go faster, disliking the idea of getting killed after finally getting rid of the moronic beast.

Izaya could hear the neigh behind him again so he jumped on top of a stand and then leaped over the fence, falling on his hands and knees and hurting his ankle enough to feel strong pain but not enough to slow him down when the incarnation of death was right behind him. He crawled until he managed to stand up, turning his head and looking back just as Shooter flew over the fence and landed right behind him, Celty swinging her scythe and barely missing Izaya's head who ducked just in time.

He then rolled on the ground and got up to his feet again, doing his best to avoid getting slashed by the raging monster now causing a commotion outside of a restaurant. There were people running and screaming and Izaya was flipping tables, chairs and anything else he could find in his path to slow down the enraged Dullahan.

The sound of the sirens wasn't close enough and Izaya was starting to wonder if he'll be able to get away with his life when he felt the scythe slice his body for the first time. It hurt so much that he almost fainted, but the weapon didn't actually cut him and he clung to consciousness, forcing his body to keep moving even though he could barely stand. The scythe descended upon him again and this time he screamed, tripping and falling face-first on concrete while Celty continued to slice him until the only sounds he could hear were his own cries of pain before he descended into unconsciousness.

Next to the fallen figure stood Celty, hands tightly clenched around the weapon she'd just used to torture Izaya. She was still seeing red but the sounds of the police getting closer woke her up from her madness enough to make her realize what she'd just done. She still wanted to kill Izaya but at the same time she was feeling horribly guilty so she wrapped him in her shadows, placed him on the bike and rode out of there just as the police arrived at the scene. She was hoping to lose them quickly but her hopes ended up getting shattered when she spotted Kinnosuke Kuzuhara on her tail, the man's presence meaning that it would be a very long chase.

Kinnosuke seemed to be dead set on catching the elusive prey that was the headless rider and Celty was unable to lose him no matter how hard she was trying. The fact that she had Izaya with her made things harder but she couldn't just throw him off the bike after trying to kill him no matter how upset she was at the murderous bastard.

And she was upset, and angry, and a million other things she couldn't name, torn between her hatred for Izaya and the knowledge of why he'd done it. She could still remember how utterly broken he looked back when Shinra had called her to Izaya's apartment, as well as the blood trail leading to the bathroom and the red water in the bathtub. She also remembered the too human Izaya she'd seen―after his fight with Shinra―just sitting down in front of their apartment building and looking like he was yearning for human interaction even though he'd told Shinra he never wanted to have anything to do with him again.

Her world had been thrown upside down and she didn't know what to do, but her priority was to get rid of Kinnosuke so she rode towards a bridge from where she jumped down knowing that no human could follow her right away. The police cars and bikes went straight ahead to find a way to get down, but by the time they arrived there, Celty was long gone.

.

The first thing that registered in Izaya's mind when he woke up was that he was cold, and he soon found the reason as to why that was when he opened his eyes and realized that he was somewhere on the ground. He tried to move but his hands were tied behind his back with something even colder than the concrete below and he briefly panicked until he caught sight of Celty's sitting on Shooter. He then looked around―as much from his spot on the ground while his whole body still hurt―before he turned to Celty again, the corners of his lips now curled into a disturbing smile. "Am I correct in assuming that my execution is going to take place here?"

Celty typed something on her PDA before standing up and making her way to Izaya. [We're here because I'm hiding from the police.]

Izaya blinked in surprise a couple of times and then pushed his upper body up so that he was now sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. His hands were still tied behind his back but he knew there was nothing he could do about that since Celty's black shadows were very strong. "So you're not going to kill me?" he asked, sounding almost surprised.

Slender fingers tightened around the PDA while Celty typed her reply. [No.]

"You seemed pretty determined earlier," he remarked, his eyes darting around the place as he tried to figure out where they were.

[You killed Shizuo!] she wrote angrily on her PDA, the device almost breaking in her hand with how hard she was squeezing it.

Izaya sighed loudly. "Why does everyone keep blaming me? I was nowhere near Shizu-chan when he died."

[I don't believe that!]

"I was in the park, playing Chess with a man called Mori Ken," Izaya spoke in a calm tone, now certain that Celty wouldn't kill him. "There were many other witnesses too. You can go ask them yourself if you don't believe me."

Celty was taken aback by the answer, but she quickly recovered and shoved the PDA into Izaya's face after angrily hitting the keys she needed to type her reply. [That doesn't mean a thing! You could've hired anyone to do it!]

"Believe what you will, but the fact still remains that I didn't do it and you can't prove I did it no matter how much you wish otherwise."

[I don't believe you! You killed him for what he did to you!] She immediately regretted her comment though when Izaya's expression went dark and he looked much too human again.

"Are you going to kill me or am I free to go?" he asked in a flat tone, not even raising his head to look at her. He was in a bad mood and he no longer wanted to deal with the crazy Dullahan who'd nearly killed him. Seeing how Celty wasn't typing anything, he continued. "You know, I'm not the only enemy Shizu-chan had. Food for thought, ne? No need to thank me."

Celty was almost certain that Izaya had been the one to kill Shizuo but she couldn't end the Informant's life no matter how much she would've loved to do it. Besides, after doing what he did, Shizuo was not that much better than the red-eyed bastard still sitting on the dirty ground. It seemed that both were just as horrible and no matter how much she cared about Shizuo, she was still very much appalled by the blond's actions. Without another word, she untied Izaya, got on her bike and rode out of there, deciding it was best to put some distance between herself and the Informant before she ended up slicing him for real.


	61. Different Sense

A/N: For Potato: First of all, I would like to thank you for the nice comment you left on the previous chpater. I'm always happy when people say I keep them quite IC. OOC-ness is what most writers fear. I'm also very happy you're enjoying this dark fic of mine. Secondly, I would like to apologize for being lazy and not posting this fic on FF even though I posted Chapter 61 on AO3 two days ago. The thing is that I don't get much feedback here since most people read it over there and so I either forget or I'm too lazy to deal with the FF Doc Manager thing. ;n; Anyway, here's Chapter 61, enjoy! ^^

* * *

><p>A heartbroken Celty, sitting in the chair next to the bed with her legs drawn to her chest and her arms wrapped around them while her shoulders shook with how hard she was crying was a sight that Shinra had been expecting and at the same time one he wished he would've never had to witness. He'd known this would happen before he even told Izaya which bottle to take from the cabinet, and yet nothing in the world could've prepared him for the pain he was experiencing as he watched his beloved mourn the death of her best friend.<p>

The guilt at having been partially responsible for making her cry was almost enough to bring tears to his eyes and he was already regretting having helped Izaya even though he still believed that in the grand scheme of things he'd done the right thing. It was the only way to keep Celty safe from a bloodthirsty Izaya who would've used anyone to hurt Shizuo, even if that someone happened to be the woman his best friend loved.

He didn't know how to comfort her, not when he couldn't even properly take her in his arms. The only thing he could think of that would make Celty momentarily feel better would be for her to either find proof that Izaya had done it and hand it over to the police or for her to kill him, but his Celty was much too gentle to commit murder; which was ironic, considering what Celty used to be before coming to Tokyo. There was also the issue of what Shizuo had done and Shinra believed that deep down inside, Celty couldn't blame Izaya for wanting to make Shizuo pay, especially after having seen some of the damage the blond had inflicted on Izaya.

"I don't think Shizuo would want you to cry for him," Shinra tried, but his attempt at making her feel better only made her shoulders shake harder. He cursed under his breath and went back to being as silent, the irony of it being that he could almost hear the sounds of her sorrowful cries even though she wasn't making any. There would never be any sounds as long as her head was in a jar somewhere inside Izaya's apartment instead of on her shoulders or in her hands where he knew it should be. _She_ _can_ _never_ _know._

"Hey, come here," he spoke softly as he raised the arm that Shizuo had broken and clumsily patted the bed. Celty however was not moving and Shinra sighed, disappointed in himself for being so pathetic that he couldn't even convince the woman he loved to lie down next to him. "Please," he tried again, but there was still no answer and he decided it was best not to bother her when she was like that. _Damn_ _you,_ _Izaya._

Shinra was just thinking how much he wanted to punch the bastard in the face when Celty unwrapped her arms from around her knees, lowered her feet on the floor, stood up and slowly made her way to him, carefully lying down so that she wouldn't aggravate the injuries he had received from a certain sadistic bastard that Shinra dreamed of one day catching and using as test subject for one of his experiments. As much fun as it was to think about such things, he pushed those ideas to the back of his mind when Celty gently caressed his cheek and he felt his heart swell, the thing threatening to burst with how fast it was beating for the woman he loved more than anything and anyone in the world.

Even with his elbow broken, he could still move his fingers a bit, so he squeezed her arm and sighed softly, "I love you," the words flew out of his mouth before he even realized how inappropriate it was to talk about such things when his darling was crying for her friend, but he didn't regret having said it since it was the truth. Surprisingly enough, Celty didn't punch him in the face for being an insensitive asshole, so he continued. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Celty pulled out the PDA from inside her sleeve. [I couldn't kill him. I tried to, but I couldn't,] she typed the words and showed them to Shinra, paying attention to his expression to see if there was any sign of anger. Surprisingly enough, there was none. It made her think that perhaps she had overestimated how much Shinra cared about Izaya.

"Of course you couldn't. My darling Celty is too kind to murder someone in cold blood," Shinra spoke lovingly as he clumsily moved his arm so that it was now somewhat resting around her waist. He was curious to know more about her encounter with Izaya, but he dared not ask.

[He's fine,] Celty answered as if guessing his unspoken question. [I used my scythe on him, but I didn't actually cut him even though I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!]

"No, you don't," Shinra contradicted her. "You're too good for that."

[I wanted him to pay but then I remembered what Shizuo did and I...]

"..."

[Izaya told me that he wasn't the only enemy Shizuo had, but I doubt anyone else could've gotten close enough to stab him.]

"If Izaya is the one who killed him, I'm sure the police will find some evidence against him, especially when they want to look good for catching the person who had killed Hanejima Yuuhei's brother," Shinra tried to assure her even though he didn't believe a word coming out of his own mouth. A plan concocted by Izaya would be nothing less than infallible; most of the times anyway.

[I hope so,] was Celty's reply before she placed the PDA on the bed and allowed herself to melt into Shinra's clumsy yet warm embrace. It felt as though she had no energy left to even move her fingers and with Shizuo gone, the only other person she'd ever gotten close to was Shinra, poor injured Shinra who couldn't even properly hold her in his arms because she hadn't been there to protect him.

_Useless,_ she berated herself and she stiffened, the guilt at having failed the person she cared about the most squeezing her heart in a vice-grip. _Shizuo too,_ that same voice added but for this one she didn't know what exactly she felt guilty about only that the guilt was there despite her disgust towards her friend's actions. Maybe if she'd been there for him and talked to him more often about what was bothering him then perhaps Shizuo's anger wouldn't have exploded into a fit of blind rage.

Celty was just about drowning in guilt when she heard Shinra's voice and she jerked in surprise, only then noticing that her shadows had spilled out of her neck and encompassed both their bodied in a protective manner. [I'm sorry, I... I don't know what happened,] she typed after picking up the PDA.

"It's fine," Shinra assured her as he tightened his hold as much as his broken limb allowed it. "Don't worry about it. Besides, I love it when my darling is touching me all over~ Ouch!" he cried out in pain when Celty jabbed him in the stomach.

[I'm so sorry!] Celty immediately apologized when she saw Shinra's face scrunched up in agony and she realized what she'd just done. She continued to hold the PDA above Shinra's face, waiting for him to open his eyes and read the text because she didn't want him to think that she didn't care about him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Shinra cracked one eye open, but his forced smile didn't seem to fool her in the least judging by how she was trembling beneath his fingers. "'m okay," he squeezed the words between tightly clenched teeth. It still hurt but Shinra didn't want her to feel guilty about it, especially when he knew that his beloved would never hurt him on purpose when he was this injured.

[I didn't mean to! I just... I don't know what happened!]

"I'll gladly take anything Celty gives me, punches included!" Shinra chirped happily.

[Idiot!]

Shinra felt they needed to change the subject and this seemed a good a time as any. "Can you bring me my phone?"

[I'll be right back,] Celty told him as she carefully got up.

"Thank you."

.

Izaya was just about finished cleaning the cuts and scrapes he'd gotten after his run-in with the crazy Dullahan when he received a message from Shinra. Reluctantly, he opened it and was surprised to see that Shinra was asking if he was okay instead of raging at him for having upset Celty.

「Nothing is broken, if that's what you're asking,」 he typed and sent the message.

《Good, because I can't treat your injuries when I'm stuck in bed.》

「How are you even able to type...?」

《With the power of my brilliant mind~》

Izaya snorted, deciding not to reply to that. Not even two minutes later he received a new message.

《Shizuo didn't break my fingers.》

Since they were on the subject of Shizuo... 「Aren't you mad at me?」

《I was prepared for the consequences when I told you which bottle to take.》

Izaya released the breath he didn't even know he was holding. 「How's Celty doing?」

《She hates you more than ever, but I don't think she'll come after you again.》

「I hope so.」

《You should get away from Ikebukuro for a while until things calm down.》

Frowning, Izaya leaned against the wall.「I can't. The police officer investigating the case told me not to leave the city.」

《Then come over sometimes when Celty's not home.》

Izaya smiled as he typed. 「Sounds good.」

Seeing as how he got no reply to his last message after a few minutes of waiting, Izaya pocketed the phone and proceeded to bandage the hand he'd scrapped pretty badly along the ground when he fell earlier that day while trying to escape the murderous Dullahan. At least Shinra was still talking to him and that was more than he could ask for.

His body was still feeling the aftereffects of having been sliced by a shadow scythe and because of that he kept hissing whenever pain shot through his nerves like lightning. He wasn't complaining though, considering how easily he'd gotten off after angering what one would consider a darkly-inclined fairy.

He was just about ready to go to sleep when Shizuo's picture appeared on the news and the reporter was talking about how Hanejima's Yuuhei's brother had been murdered. They also showed footage of the reporter trying to talk to Kasuka but the actor refused to answer any questions and instead got into his car and drove away. Izaya couldn't help but wonder if that broken expression on the freak's face was real or if Kasuka was faking it. He had no doubts that Kasuka was upset, but if the man was as emotionless as he claimed to be, then even if it was Shizuo, he would be incapable of feeling deep sorrow.

They didn't talk much about Shizuo, but Izaya had a feeling that the reporters wouldn't stop before finding out everything there was to know about Hanejima Yuuhei's brother. The next few days would not be easy on Kasuka, and Izaya was looking forward to seeing the freak trying to defend the memory of his brother. Kasuka would surely try, but Izaya knew just how vicious humans could be and how in the end the freak would fail and everyone would reach the conclusion that Heiwajima Shizuo was nothing but a monster.

.

Izaya spent the next few days inside, watching TV or browsing the Internet for anything related to Shizuo's death. Some people seemed to be sad about it and feeling sorry for Kasuka while others were saying stuff like the actor should be relieved that his brother was dead because Heiwajima Shizuo was nothing more than a monster anyway. Those messages most likely came from the many people Shizuo beat up over the years and Izaya couldn't help but snigger every time he read one of those.

And yet there were times when he would feel something in his chest tighten for reasons he couldn't, _didn't_ want to comprehend, and then he would feel a sliver of _something_ that made him wish he could revive Shizuo so that he could punch the stupid monster in the face for being a moron and screwing everything up. Their games weren't supposed to end like that.

Other times, Izaya would pace around the living room, berating himself for giving Shizuo such an easy death when the monster deserved a far worse dispatch into the netherworld than what he'd received. It was during such moments that he had this urge to go out and get into random fights so that he would have a reason to cut someone now that Ikebukuro's monster was no longer out there.

The worst thing however was that feeling of utter shame he would sometimes experience when looking back at all the things he'd said and done in the name of revenge. It didn't even matter that Shizuo was dead and that the monster of his nightmares would never be able to tell a single soul. Those memories still existed in Izaya's mind, seared into his brain until the day he would die, or doomed to remain there forever in the case he would somehow find a way to achieve immortality.

The fact that he was having nightmares of Shizuo and sometimes of Slon trying to get him for ending their lives wasn't helping either. The ones with Slon were bad, but the ones with Shizuo were terrifying. They felt so real that sometimes Izaya would need a few good minutes just to pull himself together after waking up. It was always the same, with Shizuo showing up out of nowhere and Izaya running from the enraged beast, Ikebukuro's monster chasing after him until Izaya could go no further and Shizuo would catch him. The pain would start then and the nightmare would only end with Izaya giving his last gurgled breath _while begging for forgiveness_.

Once fully awake he would numbly lie in bed, trying to chase away that feeling he refused to even name. But it was there and it was frustrating and annoying that he would feel _guilty_ something for killing a monster. Why would he? It made no sense! What if Shizuo had bleed just like a human and then died like one? Shizuo was not human. Shizuo was a monster, a beast, a stupid brute deserving of death.

_Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!_he berated himself after one such nightmare. Still trembling, he got up and headed downstairs, knowing that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. He was drinking more and more coffee but at least it kept him up most of the time and that was a good enough temporary solution until the nightmares would go away and he would be able to move on with his life.

Online, many people were still blaming him for Shizuo's murder but no one could prove anything and Izaya doubted they ever would. Onishi and Roppi would never talk―they knew better than to fuck with him―and without any evidence to tie him to the crime, Izaya was as free as a bird even though he still couldn't yet leave the city. Not that he wanted to anyway. Tokyo was where he lived and did his business and he had no intention of running away after finally getting rid of the dumb brute always chasing him out of Ikebukuro.

.

Izaya was on his way to a meeting Shiki when he caught sight of Kadota out of the corner of his eye. Curious to know how his old schoolmate felt about the whole Shizuo thing, he crossed the street and headed in his direction.

"Dotachin, long time no see!" Izaya chirped happily.

"Hey," Kadota grumpily greeted him back. "How are things?" he then continued in a calmer tone, hoping that his irritation wasn't that obvious since he didn't want to give Izaya the satisfaction. He hated that nickname just as much as the first time he'd heard it.

Izaya shrugged. "As well as they can be given the situation." Seeing how Kadota wasn't saying anything and how the silence was starting to become uncomfortable, Izaya continued. "I'm surprised you're not accusing me of killing Shizu-chan, considering everyone else is."

"The only ones who know what really happened are you and Shizuo, but he's no longer here to tell anyone anything and I doubt you'd ever admit to killing him even if you're the culprit," Kadota remarked. He'd known both of them for many years but unlike everyone else, he wasn't quick to point the finger.

"IZA-IZA!" ARE YOU OKAY?" came a screeching voice from somewhere on their right.

Izaya flinched and had the urge to run away but he kept his ground because there was no fucking way he was going to get chased out of there, by Erika nonetheless. The woman had to have a few screws loose because it looked like she'd forgotten how he'd burned her entire manga and DVD stack.

"I keep saying there's no way that Iza-Iza would ever kill Shizu-Shizu, but no one believes me!" she complained in a whiny voice while sniffling and wiping away the tears threatening to fall out of the corners of her eyes. Izaya snorted at her comment and threw her a disgusted look, but Erika slowly approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder before leaning in and whispering in his ear. "But if it turns out that you killed my OTP, well…" Erika didn't think she needed to continue the sentence for Izaya to get the message.

Izaya returned her threat with a disturbing smile that promised equal if not worse suffering if she didn't back off already. "Of course I didn't," he spoke in an offended tone, changing the tune just as easily as Erika who was now standing next to Kadota. "Anyway, I have a business meeting, so if you'll excuse me, I'll be going now."

"I'll see you around," Kadota said and went on his way while Erika continued to stare at Izaya as the man crossed the street and disappeared into a crowd of people.

.

Sawazaki Kotaro was having a hard time with this case. His Chief had told him to find the culprit in Heiwajima Shizuo's case as soon as possible but the only thing he found was one dead end after another. Besides people talking about the hatred between the two former schoolmates and their numerous threats regarding each other's lives, there was nothing to tie Izaya to the crime no matter how much Hanejima Yuuhei wished otherwise. "I'm sorry, but we haven't been able to find the knife used in the stabbing nor anyone who might've done it."

"Izaya did it," Kasuka stated for what felt like the millionth time that week.

"Orihara Izaya was in the park at the time your brother was stabbed," Sawazaki tried to make him understand, because the last thing he needed was for Hanejima Yuuhei to go complaining to the Chief of Police that the officer in charge of the case wasn't doing his job.

Kasuka placed both elbows on his thighs, eyes narrowing infinitesimally as he rested his chin on the back of his interlaced fingers. "That wasn't Izaya."

"There are numerous people attesting to the man's presence there," Sawazaki insisted.

"No one else could've gotten close enough to Shizuo to stab him."

Irritated by the discussion and by the man's stubbornness, Sawazaki promised to do his best to catch the culprit before leaving Kasuka's apartment and going back to work on the case.

"He doesn't believe you," Ruri remarked as she sat down next to Kasuka on the couch.

Kasuka's hand went around Ruri and he pulled her closer to him, her head now resting on his chest. "That's because he doesn't know what Izaya is capable of; but you do."

Ruri nodded. "Are you going there tonight?"

"Yes."

.

"What is this about that you couldn't tell me over the phone?" Izaya asked Shiki after being invited to sit down inside the man's office.

Shiki took a drag from the cigarette and motioned for everyone else to get out. "It's about Yamashita Rikuto."

Izaya's tilted his head to the side, looking confused. "What about him?"

"The guy's brother seems extremely unhappy with what we did to Rikuto, and now he's looking for retribution. Word on the street is that he might be coming for you first," Shiki told him so that Izaya could watch himself. The man was important for their group and he couldn't afford to lose their best Informant to some punks.

Izaya gave Shiki an amused look. "Shiki-san doesn't need to worry about me. I can take care of myself."

Shiki returned the amused look with one of his own. "It's not wise to underestimate others. Besides, the last thing you need right now is to cause waves, with Heiwajima Shizuo being dead and everyone saying how you're the one who did it."

"I'll be fine," Izaya assured the man. "And besides, I have nothing to do with Shizu-chan's death."

"I hope so, because you still have work to do, and I would be extremely unhappy if you got arrested," Shiki said, his tone almost sounding threatening but not quite. "Should I send one of my men to make sure you're safe until we catch the guy?"

Laughing, Izaya stood up. "No thank you."

"As you wish."

.

Izaya was only a few blocks away from the Awakusu-Kai's headquarters when he got this feeling that he was being followed. His eyes narrowed into slits and he stopped, pretending to check out the clothes showcased in a store's window while he used the reflection to see what was happening behind him. Two men also seemed to stop around the same time, and even though one was pretending to ask for directions from the other, they couldn't fool him.

It seemed that Shiki wasn't being paranoid and Izaya almost laughed at the hilarity of the whole situation because going to see Shiki was what put him in danger in the first place. Either way, it didn't matter since all he had to do was lose these fools and then find a way to make sure they never bothered him again.

Sighing in slight annoyance, he started walking again, crossing the street and then heading in the direction of the park where he hoped he could lose them. There were four of them following now and Izaya broke into a sprint as soon as he reached the gates, the men behind him pulling out the weapons they'd been hiding until then and chasing after him. Knives and bats didn't really scare Izaya, so he wasn't all that worried and instead continued to run and laugh.

It wasn't the same as Ikebukuro's monster chasing him throughout the streets but it was enough to get his blood pumping. He was almost entertaining the thought of stopping and cutting a bit into them before heading back to Shinjuku but he didn't want to give the police any reason to arrest him so in the end he continued running.

It was almost like the good ol' times, except that it wasn't and that those times were anything but good. These four men―_make that five now_―were not Shizuo.

_Luckily,_ an inner voice provided. _After all, Shizu-chan is nothing more than dust now._


	62. Ghost of Perdition

_A/N: Here's another update, since I know that you guys really wanted to know what happened to Shizuo. :)_

_-Potato: I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter! You're not pestering me at all, so read it wherever you want! The advantage on archiveofourown is that I can reply to anon comments while I can't do the same here. ;n; Also, the FF version of the fic is slightly censored in some of the more explicit scenes._

* * *

><p>Izaya woke up as he was being dragged somewhere out of sight by two of the men who had been chasing him through the park. There was wetness at the back of his head, blood, and quite a lot of it, but what bothered him more than the dangerous situation he found himself in was the pain in the arm that Shizuo had grabbed. No, not Shizuo, but a Shizuo, because that couldn't have been the monster he knew. He might've dreamed it or imagined it ― possible, considering he'd been hit in the head ― but then why did his arm hurt?<p>

There was also this nagging, almost suffocating suspicion that Shizuo was not dead. After all, why wasn't there a grave? Kasuka had presumably cremated him, but could Izaya be sure about that? The more he thought about it, the more suspicious the whole thing seemed. Kasuka promised him that he wouldn't get away with it, and yet the freak hadn't done anything in particular to make sure that Izaya paid for his crime. Now that he thought about it, Izaya realized that Kasuka was being eerily silent for someone whose brother had just been killed.

"Oi, I think he's awake," one of the men remarked before elbowing Izaya in the face hard enough to almost send him back into unconsciousness, his action making the others laugh.

Izaya's nose was bleeding now and his red eyes were scrunched up in agony but he refrained from struggling or trying to fight back since there were three more men besides the two dragging him. Leaving aside the fact that he was weaponless, it was hard for Izaya to focus when the world around him still seemed to be spinning and he doubted that he could take all five of them on in a fight and make a successful escape. He'd most likely get beaten to death before he'd even be able to take down two of them, which meant that he'd have to catch them by surprise somehow.

As fate has it, luck seemed to be on his side for once. They were still on the way to wherever they were taking him when the five men suddenly stopped. Confused, Izaya raised his head to see what it was all about, only for his eyes to fall on this kid on a bike who looked no older than sixteen and who was blocking their way while smiling. The luck part had to do with the fact that the kid wore a jacket with a skeletal dragon design on it.

"The hell you want kid?" one of the men asked as he flicked open a switchblade.

What came next was something that Izaya wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it with his own two eyes. The kid wearing brass knuckles got off the bike and charged forward, breaking noses and teeth before two of the men even knew what hit them; they had simply been unable to keep up with their opponent who was much smaller and faster than they were.

The men holding him released him, now focused on the new arrival, and Izaya used the wall they had been walking next to for support since he was still pretty dizzy. Somehow, that made watching the fight that much more fascinating for some reason. This kid, whoever he was, looked more like a sadist as he hit and hit and hit, eyes sparkling and lips set into a disturbing smile as he painted those brass knuckled fists red with the blood of his enemies. It was only after the five men had stopped fighting and were moaning in pain and twitching on the ground that the kid turned to him.

"Orihara-san, are you okay?" the obviously sadistic kid asked, rushing to Izaya's side and grabbing him by the arm to support him.

"'m fine," Izaya assured him as he moved away, indicating that he didn't need help. "Who're you?"

"Ayato," the kid answered cheerfully.

"Thanks for your help."

"I don't need your thanks," Ayato replied, still smiling.

"Oh? Then what do you want?"

"Money, obviously! I should get a reward for helping you."

Izaya raised his arm and placed it around Ayato's shoulders. "You know what, kid? Let's make a deal. I'll hire you for today or longer if necessary, and in return for your services, you get a lot of money."

"How much is a lot?" Ayato chirped excitedly.

"Enough to buy whatever you need for your bike," Izaya assured him.

The kid nodded frantically. "Deal! What do you need me to do?" he asked as he sat on the bike.

"For now, just go wherever I tell you to go," Izaya said as he picked up one of the thug's switchblades and got on the bike as well.

.

"Orihara-san, shouldn't you go to a hospital?" Ayato asked but got no answer. "Orihara-san!" he tried again, louder this time.

Confused red eyes turned to light brown ones. "What?"

"I said, shouldn't you go to a hospital?"

Izaya waved a dismissive hand and went back to watching Kasuka's apartment building.

"What if you bleed to death? I won't get my money then!" Ayato whined and stomped his foot on the ground like a little kid. "At least put this on the wound to slow down the bleeding!" he urged him as he handed the older male a clean piece of cloth that he kept around for emergencies.

"This is nothing," Izaya assured him, grabbing the thing and pressing it against the back of his head without even taking his eyes off the building. "I've had far worse injuries."

Ayato folded his arms in front of his chest and puffed angrily through his nose. "But what if you die anyway?"

Sighing, Izaya pulled out his phone. "What's your account number? I'll give you half now and half when we're done."

Now happy that he would get his money, Ayato gave Izaya the number and waited for the man to deposit the cash.

"I hope that's enough," Izaya sighed softly as he pocketed the phone.

Ayato's eyes widened in surprise and he could barely contain his joy at having received so much for doing so little. "Yes, thank you!"

With that out of the way, Izaya went back to watching the building. The kid kept trying to talk to him about stuff but Izaya had more important things on his mind than to entertain a sadist. His right hand went to his left arm and he grit his teeth at the pain, almost too afraid to know for a fact if there really was a bruise there in the form of a palm and if it was just the right size and shape to be Shizuo's. It was terrifying no matter how he looked at it.

It was only when the sun was about to set that Izaya found the courage to pull his arm out of the jacket's sleeve to check if there was really a bruise there or if it was all in his head. He didn't look right away, but when he finally did, he felt his heart come to a stop. It wasn't a dream…? But he couldn't afford to be distracted, so he shook his head, slipped his arm back inside the jacket and went back to watching.

At least Ayato seemed to be texting someone and Izaya was grateful because he didn't have time to entertain a kid who seemed bored out of his mind whenever he wasn't hurting people. The kid was reminding him of Adabashi, except that Ayato didn't seem to be a coward.

"Why are we even here?" Ayato asked all of a sudden, nearly startling Izaya.

"Because I have to make sure of something."

"Of what?"

Izaya's brow twitched in annoyance. "Go back to your texting."

"But―"

"Shh!"

"But your―"

"What?" Izaya snapped.

"You got a message…"

"Oh," Izaya exclaimed as he pulled out his phone. The message was from Shinra.

《 Hiii~ ( ´ ▽ ` ) ﾉ》

「Hi.」

《 Why so cold? ໒ ( •́ ∧ • ̀ ) ७ 》

「I'm busy.」

《 With what? ( ﾟ ο ﾟ人 )) 》

Izaya sighed loudly.「How bored are you?」

《 ( 〃．． ) 》

「Bye!」

《 No, wait! Celty locked herself in her room and she barely comes out! 》

Snorting, Izaya briefly tore his eyes away from the apartment building to write his reply. 「So she's not out there, trying to find evidence that I killed Shizuo?」

《 I doubt she'll even try. It's not like she'd fiind anything anyway. Besides, it's not like my darling has forgotten what Shizuo did. Plus I think she feels guilty about attacking you. 》

「I find that very hard to believe.」

《 My Celty is gentle! She doesn't like to hurt people, even if they're assholes like you. 》

「Gee, thanks.」

《 Well, it's true. Anyway, what are you doing? 》

Izaya's head turned to Ayato who was sighing again while texting and looking bored out of his mind.「Shouldn't you be consoling your monstrous girlfriend instead of trying to talk to me?」

《 She stopped replying to my messages an hour ago and it's not like I can get out of this damn bed! 》

「I understand your frustration, but I don't have time for this right now.」

Seeing how he got no message after that, Shinra was clearly mad at him, but Izaya couldn't be bothered to care when there was the possibility of Shizuo being alive. Unless he was losing his mind, in which case he would make sure to apologize to Shinra later, even if he disliked the idea of ever apologizing to anyone. But Shinra was Shinra and Izaya would do it for him and him only.

.

It was forty minutes past midnight ― after more than half the hyenas reporters had left ― when Kasuka drove out of the apartment building's parking lot.

"Follow that car!" Izaya ordered Ayato who was pacing around in utter boredom.

"Got it!" the kid chirped happily as he got on the bike.

"You're not getting the other half if he spots you," Izaya warned.

"That's never gonna happen," Ayato promised. He knew Tokyo's streets like the back of his hand and could easily take alternative routes to avoid being spotted, not to mention that he was keeping a good distance between himself and the car they were following.

Behind him, Izaya was holding tightly onto Ayato who was pretty much speeding because Kasuka was doing the same. The freak was in a rush to get somewhere and Izaya was curious if that somewhere had anything to do with Shizuo. The fact that Kasuka was driving out of Tokyo made Izaya even more suspicious, and by the time that emotionless bastard stopped in front of a hospital in Saitama, Izaya was feeling faint.

Please don't be alive, Izaya kept thinking as he made his way into the hospital while Ayato remained outside. He nearly pushed a nurse out of his way when she tried to take a look at him ― fearing that he might lose sight of Kasuka ― but he needed to know that he wasn't going crazy. The only way to know for sure was to see the person Kasuka was visiting. After the freak got into the elevator, Izaya waited to see where it stopped before going up the stairs. The answer awaited him on the fifth floor.

He stopped out of caution before entering the hallway and that seemed to have been a good idea when he spotted what looked like a bodyguard I front of one of the doors. It looked more and more that Shizuo was alive and Izaya was starting to feel nauseous knowing that the beast might be on the other side of that door. The more he waited the faster his heart beat and the weaker he felt, and the idea of the monster who'd seem him looking so shameful ― screaming, crying, bleeding on the ground ― still being alive was enough to make him want to dug a deep hole and hide into it. But not before making sure you die this time around, beast!

After all the things he'd confessed to Shizuo before killing him, and after the kiss he'd forced himself to give so that he could prove to himself that he wasn't afraid even though he was, there was no city, no country, no planet or universe where Shizuo would be allowed to live or exist in as long as Izaya had a saying in it.

Kasuka walked out of the room with a doctor and Izaya tightened his fingers around the switchblade he was going to use to stab Shizuo right in that monstrous heart of his. And then maybe slit his throat too, for good measure. Who knew how monsters worked if Shizuo hadn't bled to death when he was supposed to do just that? He could take on the bodyguard, probably. But the guy was big and Izaya wasn't exactly at full strength when his head was still bleeding and his hands were shaking. Perhaps he could ask Ayato to―

No! He wasn't going to involve strangers into this. It was bad enough that he'd hired the kid to follow Kasuka, even though technically the Dragon Zombie gang already worked for him. This time he would have to take care of everything by himself. After taking a few deep breaths to calm down ― it wasn't working though ― he pulled out the switchblade, flicked it open and walked into the hallway, hiding it behind his back while making his way towards the bodyguard. The man would surely think that he was a patient since he was bleeding, so all he had to do was stab the guy somewhere. But wait! If he didn't kill the guy then the man could identify him and then he'd be arrested. The other option was to―

He never got to finish that thought though because he was suddenly being grabbed from behind and dragged into the bathroom, struggling and kicking while the man kept him in a chokehold. There was a hand around his wrist so that he couldn't attack with the switchblade and Izaya was starting to panic at the loss of control.

"Izaya, calm down," the man said, and it took the man repeating the words a few more times before Izaya finally recognized the voice.

"Let go," Izaya hissed in a weak voice. Slowly, the arm from around his neck loosened its hold but he wasn't fully released and instead he was pushed into the wall, Kasuka working on taking the switchblade out of stiff fingers while at the same time keeping Izaya pinned there. "Let go, freak," Izaya repeated and tried to push himself away from the wall, but it didn't look like Kasuka was going to let him go.

"I can't," Kasuka spoke calmly after finally prying the switchblade out of Izaya's fingers.

"Why? Because Shizu-chan is in that room?" Izaya hissed, a wild look in his eyes as he bared his teeth.

"Yes," was Kasuka's answer, and Izaya knew his pulse must've picked up because the world around him was spinning again and he was having a hard time breathing. He could've sworn he heard someone whimper but it was hard to tell with how fast his heart was beating and there was no one there besides the two of them. It couldn't have been him―

The body pressing him into the wall move away suddenly and his legs gave out from under him, his knees too weak to support Izaya's weight when all Izaya could think was, no no no, Shizu-chan can't be alive, please don't be alive, please―

Next he felt a cold palm on his forehead and then on his neck but he couldn't tell the freak to fuck off when he felt as though all the energy had seeped out of his body. Why wasn't Kasuka trying to choke him to death anyway? He'd just tried to kill Shizuo for like the… what time was it anyway? It didn't matter. Shizuo was alive and Izaya himself was nothing more than the pathetic guy who'd cried, screamed and broken to pieces at the hands of a monster.

"Let's go someplace else," Kasuka suggested and picked up a boneless Izaya off the floor, slinging one of the man's arms around his shoulders and then leading him out towards the staircase where he hoped they wouldn't be bothered. Once there he helped Izaya sit down on the top stairs while he took a seat next to him.

"Why is Shizu-chan not dead?" Izaya asked weakly, right shoulder and head resting against the wall. "He should've died, he should've―"

"I don't know," Kasuka interrupted him. "Someone dumped him at the hospital, but no one remembers who."

"But I told Shizu-chan things and he…" Izaya started again, voice trembling. "He should be dead. He needs to die. I can't let him live, I have to―"

"Please…"

Izaya thought he hadn't heard right, because there was no way that Kasuka would ever say something like that. Wide wet eyes turned in Kasuka's direction and he looked at the freak, still wondering if it had been his imagination.

"Please don't go after him anymore," Kasuka continued, ready to get on his knees and beg if that was what it took for Izaya to stop trying to kill Shizuo. "I know that what he did to you was horrible, I know, but he's my brother and I can't abandon him. I promised I wouldn't."

Izaya's eyes narrowed into slits and he was suddenly angry again, hand itching for the switchblade that was now in Kasuka's possession. "You liedthat he was dead, to everyone!"

"It was the only way to make sure that he'd be safe from you."

"You wanted me to get arrested for a murder I didn't even commit!" Izaya raised his tone while his eyes burned with anger.

"Sawazaki was simply looking for the one who stabbed my brother, but I knew he wouldn't find any evidence," Kasuka confessed. "I needed you to be distracted so that I could get Shizuo to safety, though it seems that in the end, I failed."

Izaya had this sudden urge to attack Kasuka and he straightened his back and balled his hands into fists. "Did you laugh with Shizu-chan at my expense? Did he tell you how I… what did he tell you?" As soon as Izaya asked the question he noticed how Kasuka's shoulders drooped and the freak's expression lost some of that indifference that Izaya wanted so badly to wipe off that face because Kasuka looked so much like Shizuo.

"My brother hasn't said anything; he can't."

Izaya's expression morphed into one of confusion while Kasuka rested his head into his palms, looking tired.

"Shizuo is in a coma."

What?

"Please don't go after my brother anymore," Kasuka begged again. "He can't even defend himself as he is now. He may never wake up."

What?

"I know that the only way to stop you would be to kill you, but I can't do that no matter how much I want to keep him safe," Kasuka confessed.

"I have to get out of here," Izaya uttered and pushed himself to his feet before going down the stairs, eyes wide and almost unseeing as he moved on unsteady legs. What was Kasuka saying? Shizuo was a monster, and monsters either died or got better in almost no time at all. Shizu-chan in a coma? Hah! That's not possible!

Or is it..?


	63. Death Comes Ripping

_A/N: - UsUkShiZaya: I'll try to update as often as I can. I'm happy to hear you like this. :)_

_- phyllite: I couldn't kill him. q.q_

_- Potato: You're not the only one who is relieved that Shizuo isn't doing better. A few people actually hoped he'd died. XD_

* * *

><p>"I think I finally figured out who we've been following!" Ayato chirped happily when he saw Izaya approach, but the man's dark gaze and the dangerous vibe the Informant was giving off told him that it was best to keep his mouth shut. Something had obviously happened inside the hospital and Ayato wasn't about to anger his employee and risk not getting paid the rest of the money.<p>

"Take me to Ikebukuro," Izaya hissed as he got on the bike, not in the mood to have a conversation with the kid now that he knew the beast was still very much alive. All he could think about was how ridiculous the idea of Shizuo in a coma was. The idiotic protozoan was a monster and monsters didn't break that easily, or at least they weren't supposed to. _What if Kasuka lied?_ It was possible, but somehow Izaya doubted that.

Also, the fact that someone had saved Shizuo deeply unnerved him. The blond couldn't have reached the hospital by himself and he doubted a random person just so happened to pass by that place at the exact right time to save Shizuo. The only logical conclusion was that someone had followed one of them to that place. _But who?_

Mysterious savior aside, Izaya was still unsure how to react to the news of Shizuo being in a coma. If the beast wasn't dead, then a comatose Shizuo was the best next thing, but that didn't make it less worrisome since there was always the possibility of Shizuo waking up one day. Unfortunately, he couldn't go back to kill the beast after Kasuka and the bodyguard had seen him. There was also the nurse he'd almost pushed out of his way when he went into the hospital and who knew how many other people had seen his face.

For now he would have to get his bleeding head stitched up and then decide what to do after calming down a bit. He couldn't think clearly when all he could see was red, red and then more red, like the color of Shizuo's blood glinting on his switchblade in the setting sun's light.

Izaya was just thinking about telling Ayato to head in the direction of Shinra's place when he realized what a terrible idea it would've been. He had a feeling that the doctor wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut and that Shinra would surely tell Celty in order to cheer her up. Shinra's monstrous girlfriend would then most likely message Kasuka and rush to the hospital to make sure that Shizuo was safe. The last thing Izaya needed was more people blocking his way and making it harder for him to kill the beast.

"Take me to the hospital," he told Ayato who simply nodded and sped down the street.

.

After finding the strength to get up, Kasuka made his way to Shizuo's room where he sat down in the chair by the bed. The sight of his brother lying there hurt and unmoving was enough to make him want to murder Izaya for trying to kill Shizuo but at the same time he knew that he couldn't because he wasn't a killer and taking another's life was not a thought he wanted to entertain no matter how much he loved Shizuo.

He'd known that Izaya would find out sooner or later, but he'd hoped that spreading the rumors and asking Sawazaki and Sakamoto to not reveal what really happened to Shizuo would be enough to keep Izaya away from his brother for a while, at least until Shizuo woke up. There was a voice telling him that his brother may never wake up, but he chose to ignore it and instead he leaned forward and took Shizuo's hand into his own. "Nii-san, please wake up." Even though Shizuo's hand was warm and he was breathing, there was no reply.

Their parents were crushed and Kasuka felt terrible for denying their mother's the ardent request of being allowed to see her son. His father had understood why he couldn't see Shizuo, but Kasuka still felt bad for keeping both of them away from their son. No matter what Shizuo might have thought, their parents loved him and they worried about him.

_Why are you here, nii-san? Did you want to die that badly?_

.

"And here I was, thinking that my day couldn't get any worse," Sakamoto said as he motioned for Izaya to sit down. "There are other doctors in this hospital."

"But only one of them is my precious _friend~_" Izaya declared in a singsong voice as he took off his jacket. His head was pounding and he was _pissed,_ but he wasn't about to slice Sakamoto to ribbons for having lied to him about Shizuo. That and the switchblade he'd picked up from one of the thugs had been taken away by Kasuka and he couldn't slice the doctor to ribbons even if he wanted.

Sakamoto snorted and picked up a piece of gauze, poured disinfectant on it and then proceeded to clean the nasty-looking wound. "How are you even still conscious?"

Izaya's shrugged.

"You already know the drill, so did you exhibit any symptoms indicating that you might not be fine?"

"No. My head hurts because it's gushing blood, but other than that I'm peachy."

"And you thought it'd be a good idea to show up here after our last meeting?" Sakamoto asked, frowning.

"Of course~ It's not like Shizu-chan is dead anyway, but you already knew that."

Sakamoto's hand froze in mid-air and the stifling silence stretched for a long time until Izaya's voice, cold and dangerous, shattered it.

"You didn't honestly think I wouldn't find out, did you?"

Sakamoto sighed heavily before resuming his task of cleaning the wound on Izaya's head. "I was hoping you wouldn't find out so soon."

"We don't always get what we want, do we?" Izaya remarked in a spiteful voice because the only thing on his mind was that he'd wanted Shizuo dead and yet the beast was still very much alive. "How can he even be in a coma?"

"I don't think it'd be a good idea for me to answer your question, so I won't," Sakamoto said, frowning, and moved to stitch up the split skin after giving his patient local anesthesia.

Izaya remained silent after that because it wasn't in his interest to anger Sakamoto when his head was still bleeding. His thoughts were a jumbled mess and he didn't know what to do next, but he was at least aware that he was in no position to make a good decision before cooling off a bit. Going after the bodyguard like that inside the hospital had been a terrible idea, and even though it wasn't very often that Orihara Izaya lost his mind, it still happened sometimes.

His wish to leave Shizuo to bleed to death like a dog just as he had bled that night until he found the strength to get up and walk out of that alley turned out to be a mistake, one he did not plan to repeat. Next time he could make sure the beast's heart had stopped beating before Izaya walked away.

"Okay, I'm done here, so go home and get some rest," Sakamoto ordered as he placed the needle on the table, took off his gloves and threw them into the trash bin.

Izaya picked up his jacket and put it on before turning to Sakamoto. "I'd still like to know why Shizu-chan is in a coma from a stab wound to the leg."

"You know an awful lot about where Shizuo had been stabbed for someone who claims he hasn't stabbed him."

"Maybe Kasuka told me. We talked earlier. Actually, he was the one who told me that Shizu-chan is in a coma, so now I'm asking you how that happened."

"Could be that his brain was deprived of oxygen for too long, that he hit his head when he must've fell or a combination of both. Now get the hell out of here! And next time look for another doctor," Sakamoto said with a growl as he slammed the door behind the bastard who had tried to kill Shizuo not once but multiple times before.

Izaya glowered at the door for a few moments before tearing his eyes away from it and going down the hallway towards the elevator. Sakamoto didn't know the real Shizuo; too few people did. Looking back, Izaya realized that perhaps he should've whispered Sakamoto's name to Kasuka before passing out in the bathtub since the man was not as close to him as Shinra was. It would've spared Shinra a lot of pain, but at the same time the two of them wouldn't have gotten closer. Izaya still remembered that Shinra used to treat him rather coldly before that night when Shizuo had left him to die and as much as he hated to admit, he couldn't imagine having no one there for him.

The doors to the elevator opened and he mechanically stepped inside and pressed the button. The only thing on his mind was that Shizuo was lying in a hospital bed, completely defenseless, and that it'd be extremely easy for him to end the beast's life if only he could get past Kasuka and the bodyguard. Luckily, he wasn't so far gone as to believe that it would be a good idea to go back and try again.

_Next time,_ he told himself as he stepped out of the elevator, _next time I won't make the same mistake again._

.

Ruri's right hand tightened around her phone as she made her way to the room where she knew Shizuo was lying in a coma.

_[I need you.]_

It was the message Ruri had gotten from Kasuka in the middle of the night, one that made her rush out of her apartment and head straight to the hospital. Something bad must've happened, and she feared the worst because Kasuka hadn't answered his phone no matter how many times she called on her way there.

The bodyguard in front of the door moved out of the way and she entered the hospital room, half-closed eyes looking at Shizuo first to confirm that he was still alive before moving to Kasuka who was sitting in the chair and staring at his brother as though he hadn't even noticed her presence.

"What's wrong?" Ruri asked as she moved behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Izaya was here," Kasuka answered after a few more moments of silence, his eyes still fixed on Shizuo's unmoving form. "He was going to kill my brother," he then added as he fished out the switchblade he'd taken from Izaya and raised his hand to show the weapon to Ruri, "with this."

"It's a good thing you were here to stop him."

Kasuka lowered his hand and placed the switchblade on the bed. "No, it's my fault, _I_ led him here."

"It's not your fault," Ruri tried to argue, but both of them knew that wasn't true.

"I shouldn't have come here; I shouldn't have underestimated Izaya."

Ruri didn't say anything. Instead, she sat down on his lap and pulled Kasuka's head to her chest, placing one hand around his neck and using the other to stroke his hair. "Have you called Sawazaki yet?" Ruri asked and then continued when she got no answer. "Why?"

"I can't."

"…"

"There's more to this than you know."

Ruri's hand stilled. "Then tell me," she said softly, her voice no higher than a whisper.

Kasuka shook his head. "I can't. I'm sorry."

After a few moments of neither of them saying anything, Ruri went back to gently stroking his head. "It's okay, you don't need to tell me."

"Thank you."

"Can you think of any way to stop Orihara Izaya from coming after Shizuo-san?"

"Short of killing him? There's none," Kasuka answered, his voice losing some of the flat tone and taking on a bitter edge.

Ruri pulled away, grabbed Kasuka's chin and raised his head so that she could look him in the eyes. "Where there's a will, there's a way."

Kasuka wrapped his arms around Ruri's waist. "Thank you for being here with me."

.

The next day, Izaya was surprised to find out that Kasuka hadn't moved Shizuo someplace else. Ayato was kind enough to look into it ― after asking for more money of course ― and Izaya found himself pacing the living room of his apartment while trying to find a way to get to the beast. There were two men guarding Shizuo now and Ayato said he'd seen a worker install a camera right outside the door. It also looked like Izaya was persona non grata inside the hospital since Ayato had heard two nurses talk about how the guy in the picture taken from one of the CCTV cameras was dangerous and to call the police right away if anyone spotted him anywhere near the place.

Namie was saying something but he wasn't hearing her, too busy weighing the pros and cons of hiring a few people and raiding the hospital or blowing up the building, a sure way to ensure the beast died once and for all. _No, no, no,_ both ideas were crazy and he was going to stop thinking about insane stuff like that. He wasn't going to hire criminals to raid the hospital and he wasn't going to blow up a building just to bring down a comatose beast.

Laughing hysterically at his own train of thought, he picked up his jacket and walked out the door, ignoring Namie who was shouting at him to get back inside and work instead of wasting time like the lazy bastard that he was.

He was debating on whether to take a walk through Shinjuku's streets or go to Ikebukuro but in the end he opted for Ikebukuro and headed towards the train station.

.

"Orihara-kun, are you okay?" Mori Ken asked, concern marring his voice.

"I'm fine, Mori-san. How have you been?" Izaya inquired as he sat down at the table, eyes fixed on the chess board.

"Worried, ever since a police officer showed up here and asked me questions about you," the man said and moved to extinguish the cigarette, only to be stopped by Izaya.

"It no longer bothers me," Izaya said, smiling, but the older man put it out anyway. "Passive smoking is not good for your health, and I don't want to be responsible for you getting sick."

Izaya laughed and proceeded to arrange the chess pieces for a new game. "It's nice to know you care, Mori-san."

"May I ask why the police was asking questions about you?"

Izaya sighed softly and raised his head to watch Mori Ken in the eyes after placing all the pieces on the board. "Someone I went to high school with got stabbed; someone with whom I didn't get along very well."

"I see, and how do you feel about that?"

Izaya couldn't help but chuckle as the question reached his ears. "Mori-san, did you study psychology by any chance?"

"No, but my wife did," Mori Ken confessed as he moved the first piece.

"To answer your question," Izaya said as he too picked up a piece, "I wish he would've bled to death and died, like the animal that he is."

The last words sounded more like a hiss and Mori Ken couldn't help but worry about the young man he enjoyed playing chess with. He'd always had a feeling that Izaya was carrying a great suffering and the fact that he'd wish for someone's death meant that person must've hurt him somehow.

Realizing what he'd just said, Izaya froze with his fingers on the piece he'd just placed on the board. "You must think I'm a horrible person for wishing someone's death."

"It's not my place to judge. You probably have your reasons to hate him, and besides, I'm no stranger to hating someone enough to wish for their death," Mori Ken confessed.

Izaya released the chess piece and pulled back his hand, but instead of asking questions that Mori Ken would most likely not want to answer, he chose to remain silent.

They played the rest of the game without exchanging any words until one of them won and they parted ways after wishing the other a good day.

As he left the park, Izaya realized that he wanted to visit Shinra. The problem with that was that Celty might be home and he didn't want to run into the Dullahan after nearly getting killed by her. Well, there was one way to find out whether or not Celty was home. Fishing out his phone, he wrote Shinra a message.

「I'm in Ikebukuro right now and I was thinking of visiting if your monstrous girlfriend isn't home.」

_《_ _Don't insult my beloved! She has to work extra hard to pay our bills because I'm stuck in bed.__》_

「Ah, well, if you don't want me to come over, then I'll head back to Shinjuku.」

_《_ _I didn't say that!__》_

「Then what are you saying?」

_《_ _I'm saying come over, I'll be waiting. I'll message my downstairs neighbor to give you the key._ _》_

「Alright, I'll see you in a bit.」

.

"Got lost on the way here?" Shinra mocked, but he was mostly upset that Izaya took his sweet time getting there. He was bored to death after spending so much time in bed and he couldn't wait for the day when he'd be able to move again.

"It took me a while to find a place where they sold this," Izaya said as he placed a small carton box on the table.

Shinra watched it curiously, wondering what was inside, as Izaya took a seat and proceeded to take out the contents.

"It's your favorite food," Izaya said, chuckling, as he pulled out the plastic storage container and made his way to Shinra who was licking his lips in anticipation.

"It is, but only when the three-five-eight marinated sandfish dish is made by my darling Celty."

Izaya snorted and raised the plastic container away from Shinra's nose. "In that case, I'll eat it myself, since you don't seem to want it."

"No, no, I want it," Shinra assured him, his fingers twitching with the desire to move his arm, grab the thing and stuff his face with it. Unfortunately, he couldn't when his elbow was broken and his other arm's radius and ulna were still healing after having been snapped in half. "It's just that…"

"It's just that what?" Izaya asked, smirking like a devil as he sat down on the bed next to Shinra and used the chopsticks to pick up a piece of fish. "Open wide~"

A rufescent blush spread across Shinra's cheeks and he shook his head. "N-No! Only Celty gets to feed me."

"Don't be a baby," Izaya admonished, moving closer and bringing the fish to Shinra's mouth. The doctor was glaring at him and Izaya let out a long sigh before pulling back his hand. "Just look at it as me returning the favor."

"What favor?" Shinra asked, still glaring while looking embarrassed.

"You took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself," Izaya reminded him, but the smile was brittle and it made Shinra's stomach turn at the memory of a broken Izaya lying in bed and refusing to so much as eat.

Reluctantly, Shinra opened his mouth and accepted the small piece of fish. It didn't taste as good as when his beloved Celty cooked it but he was grateful nonetheless to Izaya for having thought of bringing him his favorite food, especially when the man wasn't known to show kindness towards anyone unless it benefited him somehow.

"Thanks, I think I've had enough," Shinra announced around half a dozen bites later.

Izaya smiled. "Okay! I'll go put this in the fridge then."

Shinra watched as Izaya left the room and all he could think about until the man came back was that perhaps Shizuo hadn't suffered enough before dying.

"How's Celty?" Izaya asked after sitting down in the chair next to the bed.

"Sad…"

"Hey, Shinra…"

"Yes?"

"Something strange happened to me yesterday," Izaya said in a flat tone as he stared into space. "I think I saw Shizu-chan."

Shinra shot him a disbelieving look.

"But it wasn't the Shizu-chan we know and hate," Izaya then continued, chuckling darkly as he recalled the previous day's events. "And the weird part is that Shizu-chan once mentioned meeting an Izaya that wasn't me, in a dream."

Sighing, Shinra rolled his eyes. "Did you by any chance hit your head yesterday?"

Frowning, Izaya raised a hand and gingerly touched his stitched up head. "As a matter of fact, I did, but it didn't feel like something I imagined or hallucinated."

"You need to let Shizuo go."

Izaya lowered his hand and he turned his head to glower at the doctor who was saying crazy things. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that the two of you have been going at it for far too long and that it's time you moved on."

Izaya wanted to tell Shinra to shut the hell up because the man didn't know what he was talking about. In the end, he didn't, perhaps because a part of him knew Shinra's words to be true. Shizuo was unfortunately still alive and Izaya had every intention of finishing him off before the beast woke up.

He was about to change the subject when they heard the door and Izaya found himself slightly panicking at the prospect of being cut by Celty's scythe again.

As expected, the Dullahan entered the room a few moments later and they all froze, staring at each other in tense silence for what felt like forever until Celty pulled out her PDA and walked to Shinra's bed, completely ignoring Izaya.

[I'm home.]

Seeing that as his chance to get the hell out of there, Izaya gave Shinra an apologetic look and hurried out of the room and then out of the apartment after picking up his jacket and slipping it on. He had no idea if Shinra had ever been cut by that accursed scythe, but he had a feeling that the doctor too would be nervous around the Dullahan if it ever happened to him.

.

Izaya didn't hurry back to Shinjuku since he felt that he needed some time away from Namie's nagging to clear up his head and think about his next move. His secretary would leave before it got dark and Izaya didn't mind waiting an hour before that happened. He sat down on a bench, people-watching until the sun set. It was a hobby he hadn't indulged himself to in a very long time and it made him realize how much he missed doing other things besides trying to make Shizuo suffer. It was why he needed to get rid of the beast once and for all and hopefully move on like Shinra had suggested.

With Namie out of his apartment, Izaya was looking forward to getting home, so he chose to take the shortest route to the train station which happened to be through a few side streets and alleyways. Halfway there, he had this feeling that someone was following him, so he increased his pace and tried to go back to the main street, but a figure appeared from around the corner in front of him and Izaya stopped, hand flying to his pocket to pull out the switchblade he'd forgotten to pick up from his drawer before leaving the apartment.

"Can I help you with something?" Izaya asked and he couldn't help but laugh because the whole thing was crazy and he found it hard to believe that someone dressed as Jason ― the serial killer from the American movies ― would have something against him. "Ah, you're Hollywood!" Izaya chirped when he remembered hearing about a crazy killer on the news, at the same time trying to sound cool even though on the inside he was starting to panic. He had no weapon while Jason, or Hollywood, _whatever,_was armed with a cutlass.

Instead of deigning him with an answer, the serial killer raised the weapon and bolted in Izaya's direction, making the Informant turn around and run the hell out of there as fast as his feet carried him.

Izaya tried to get to a more populated area, but Hollywood, whose speed seemed to surpass his, kept blocking his path and forcing him in the direction of less frequented areas. His heart was beating so fast that he feared it might burst, and unfortunately it seemed that no matter how much effort he put into losing Hollywood, the psycho chasing after him was on a whole different level of terrifying when it came to inhuman speed.

With trembling hands, and without stopping, he pulled out the phone and tried to dial the police, but Hollywood almost succeeded in separating his head from the rest of his body that one second it took to dial the first digit. The cutlass sliced a few strands of hair instead and Izaya let out a pained groan when he was kicked in the stomach and sent tumbling to the ground. He tried to get up while frantically looking around for the phone he'd just dropped but Hollywood kicked him hard in the face, nearly sending him plummeting into unconsciousness.

Izaya couldn't remember ever having been hit so hard by anyone who wasn't Shizuo or Simon, and he hissed and blinked away the tears in his eyes while blood ran down his chin from a split lip. Hollywood was towering over him, as if trying to decide how to kill him, but after being through hell, he wasn't about to let a psycho killer murder him before finishing off the beast. He would never accept dying as long as Shizuo was still alive. On second thought, it didn't matter. He simply did not want to die.

Without hesitation, Izaya grabbed Hollywood by the legs and pulled hard, hoping to make the bastard lose his balance and fall. Luckily, that seemed to work ― Hollywood was surprisingly small, as if he was a woman, but _no, it can't be_ ― and his suspicion turned out to be true when the hokey mask slipped sideways a bit since the person wearing it was much too small and Izaya caught a glimpse of the one behind it.

He didn't have time to dwell on it though. Hollywood tried to cut him and Izaya had no choice but to release the killer and make a run for his phone. He needed it badly. Now that he had a few seconds head start while Hollywood got up, Izaya looked through his contacts list to find the number he was looking for. He was almost afraid that he couldn't find it in time, but he did and he pressed the screen hard enough to almost break it with how much adrenaline was pumping through his body.

Hollywood was back to chasing him again and Izaya couldn't help but shout into the phone when the person he'd called answered. "I didn't think you'd have the guts to order me killed!"

_"__What are you talking about?"_

"You thought I wouldn't figure out―" He didn't get a chance to finish though because he ended screaming in pain when Hollywood slashed his arm, deep enough to make blood gush out as if it were a fountain.

_"__What's going on?"_

"Stop acting like you have no idea what's going on, you goddam freak!" Izaya hissed into the phone as he continued to run. "You sent your girlfriend to kill me!" There were more insults he had for the bastard but Hollywood grabbed him by the hood and pulled him backwards before throwing him into the building. This time Izaya held onto the phone for dear life, not letting go even after hitting the wall and collapsing on the ground, gasping for breath.

Hollywood kicked him in the stomach a couple more times for good measure before crouching next to Izaya, tearing the phone out of stiff fingers and bringing it to her ear.

_"__What's happening? Izaya, are you there? Answer me."_

"Orihara Izaya can't come to the phone right now. He's bleeding on the ground, awaiting the finishing blow."

_"__Ruri…?"_

"Yes."

_"__You need to stop right now, before it's too late."_

Ruri raised her foot and used it to crush Izaya's right wrist under her boot, making the man scream in pain. "It's already too late. He knows who I am, so he can't be allowed to live."

_"__Why are you doing this?"_

"It's the only way, and I have no problem with killing this man for hurting me and your brother. He deserves it," Ruri stated calmly while raising the cutlass, ready to deliver the finishing blow.

_"__You don't need to do this. There is another way."_

"You found one?"

_"__Yes."_

"But he knows who I am," Ruri tried to argue.

_"__He won't ever say a word, I can assure you,"_ Kasuka promised._"Where are you? I'll be there as soon as I can."_

"You'd better hurry up. I cut his arm pretty badly," Ruri said and gave Kasuka directions on how to get there after which she lowered the cutlass and raised the foot crushing Izaya's wrist.

"What did the freak say? That he'll come here to finish me off himself?" Izaya hissed the words as he glared murder at Ruri. The bitch was looking extremely calm for someone who'd just chased a man with a cutlass and tried to kill him.

Instead of answering, Ruri crouched next to Izaya and placed the cutlass on the ground behind her.

"Kasuka asked me not to kill you, so stand still while I make a tourniquet if you don't want to end up bleeding to death before he gets here."

Izaya pretended to listen while he eyed the cutlass and he didn't fight back when Ruri grabbed the black V-shaped T-shirt and ripped a piece from it. She helped him pull the injured arm out of the jacket and then he allowed her to tie the ripped piece of material around it. The gash looked nasty and deep and Izaya was already starting to feel faint from the blood loss. He needed to distract himself with something, anything, so he chose to say something to Ruri "Getting you hurt that day was not my intention."

"That has nothing to do with this," Ruri said and picked up the cutlass before Izaya could get his hands on it. He'd seen the man stare at it once in a while and she didn't want to be forced to finish him off before Kasuka arrived there.

Izaya cursed under his breath for not going after the cutlass the second Ruri put it down because now he was defenseless again and at the bitch's mercy. "You don't have to do what that freak told you to do. You probably think you owe him a debt for trying to take a bullet for you that day." Izaya didn't have a switchblade, but words could be as much of a weapon as the one in Ruri's hand. Unexpectedly, some voices could be heard in the distance and Izaya thought about screaming for help but the cutlass pressed to his throat made him reconsider.

"Kasuka never asked me to do this, but if you try anything funny, I'm going to kill you regardless of his wishes."

The threat was spoken in a flat as opposed to angry tone, but Izaya found it chilling nonetheless. Hollywood, _Ruri Hajiribe,_ was a vicious killer who mutilated her victims and Izaya didn't want to end up an unrecognizable corpse. If anything, he had better chances at negotiating with Kasuka than he did with a serial killer. He nodded, letting her know that he understood, and they spent the rest of the time in silence until Kasuka's car stopped in front of the alley and the freak got out and made his way to them.

"Ruri, are you okay?" Kasuka asked, first inspecting his girlfriend to make sure she wasn't hurt before looking down at Izaya who was sitting down with his back against the alley's wall, bleeding arm lying limply in his lap. "Go wait in the car," he told Ruri who seemed reluctant to leave. "I know what I'm doing," he assured her, and this time she nodded and left the two of them to talk in peace.

A malicious laughter burst through Izaya's lips and he raised his head to meet the freak's empty stare. "It seems that Shinra isn't the only one around here with a monstrous girlfriend," he mocked and laughed some more. "It looked to me that you knew who she was and yet you don't seem to care." When Kasuka didn't say anything, Izaya continued. "Anyway, I'm guessing you're here to kill me yourself because I hurt your precious brother."

"I won't kill you," Kasuka spoke calmly as he handed Izaya his phone.

"Oh?"

"I will make sure that Ruri will never come after you again and I'll even take you to the hospital, but in return you will leave my brother alone. You will leave me alone, and you will never do anything to put Ruri in danger again."

"And why would I do that?" Izaya said, sounding amused.

"It's very simple," Kasuka stated. "If anything happens to my brother, Ruri, or any member of my family, the DVD you took of me that day will be sent to the media."

Izaya stared in disbelief for a few moments, trying to find his words. "You're bluffing!"

"I don't care about my career. I only care about protecting those I love. If people saw what you tried doing to me, everyone would hate you, because at the end of the day, you'd be known as the man who had tried to hurt Hanejima Yuuhei, not to mention that you'd surely end up in prison."

Izaya's eyes burned with hatred because everything Kasuka was saying was true, but he wasn't about to let the freak win this one. "Then I'd tell everyone what Shizu-chan did to me."

Kasuka bent forward and helped Izaya up. "You once asked me how far I'd go for my brother. This is how far I'd go. I'm willing to lose everything if it means keeping him safe. Even if people believe you and everyone ends up hating him, at least he'd be alive, and that would be enough, because being alive is always better than the alternative."

Izaya broke into hysterical laughter and he clung to the man he wanted to murder with all his might as they made their way to the car. "You don't know what you're talking about."


	64. Once In A Garden

"Are you kidding me?!" Sakamoto cried, exasperated, as Izaya walked into his office, bleeding and looking like he was one step away from passing out. ― again. Izaya getting injured was nothing out of the ordinary, but Sakamoto caught side of Kasuka before the door closed and he couldn't help but wonder if the two of them had gotten into a fight. He couldn't imagine Kasuka hurting Izaya, but then again, the Informant had tried to kill Shizuo, and if that wasn't enough to anger Kasuka, then he didn't know what was.

Izaya shot him an irritated look. "Just patch me up and I'll be on my way."

"I thought I told you not to come here anymore," Sakamoto said, still not getting up.

"The other doctors would ask questions, perhaps even call the police," Izaya said and let out a sound of frustration as he struggled by himself to take off the jacket.

Sakamoto placed his elbows on the desk and rested his chin on the back of his interlaced fingers. "Maybe they should," he said, eyes narrowing into slits.

"Ah, well, sure, that's fine by me. I mean, I was attacked for no reason, so I might as well let the police who was the person who tried to kill me."

"Was it Kasuka?"

"No, but he was involved."

Finally, Sakamoto got up and approached Izaya to inspect the wound. "This is deep. It doesn't look like a switchblade wound."

Izaya let out a humorless laugh when he looked at it himself and realized just how deep the cut seemed to be. The sight increased the sense of nausea and lightheadedness he had already been experiencing and he turned his head in the opposite direction, hoping to lessen it. "It wasn't a switchblade. It was something bigger."

Frowning, Sakamoto picked up a piece of gauze to clean the wound before he could sew it up. "I can't wait for the day when Shinra's broken bones heal up and I don't have to deal with you anymore."

"No more than me," Izaya assured him.

.

"We should go to my place," Ruri suggested before she proceeded to carefully wrap the mask and the cutlass in the plastic bag that Kasuka had provided. "There should be fewer reporters outside the building."

Kasuka nodded and took off his jacket. "You should put this on," he suggested and handed it to Ruri before starting the engine and driving away from the hospital.

"How can you be so sure that Orihara Izaya won't talk?" Ruri couldn't help but ask after slipping on the jacket and reclining against the seat, trying to find a more comfortable position.

After a few moments of debating whether or not to tell her, Kasuka opted for revealing some of the truth. "I have a DVD in my possession that Izaya wouldn't want to end up in the hands of the media."

Ruri turned to Kasuka, now giving him her full attention. "What's on it?"

"Something I'd rather you not see," Kasuka confessed. "Like I said, you don't know the full story of what happened between my brother and Izaya." Ruri was obviously curious, but Kasuka hoped there would never come a day when she saw the contents of the DVD. That time, with Slon and Izaya, he'd been humiliated enough for a lifetime, and the last thing he wanted was for his girlfriend to see a recording of him almost getting raped.

"Then I won't ask to see it," Ruri spoke in a monotone voice while staring out the window. She would've preferred to kill Izaya and get rid of the threat, but Kasuka seemed convinced that he could keep the Informant from going after them and Ruri chose to trust the man she came to love.

Kasuka thanked her and then waited until they stopped at a red light before turning to her and placing a necklace with a small key around her neck. "Keep it safe."

"What does it open?" Ruri asked as she toyed with the small key dangling from her neck.

Still looking like his usual emotionless self, Kasuka wrapped an arm around Ruri's shoulders and pulled her closer. "I hope you never get to find out," he said and planted a kiss on her lips.

.

That goddamn freak, threatening me like that, Izaya thought angrily as he lay in bed that night, unable to sleep. Without proof, no one would believe that Hanejima Yuuhei's brother had raped him even if Izaya were to scream it to the world. It wasn't that he wanted others to find out, but it still hurt to know that people would not give a shit, call him a liar or say that he deserved it.

His body shook with rage at the mere thought of it because all Kasuka had to do was act offended and, or hurt for the Heiwajima brothers to appear as the victims. Izaya felt that he was chocking with how angry he was, and he ended up smashing one of his phones into the wall, not even realizing what he'd just done until after he heard the sound of it breaking to pieces.

He cursed under his breath and lay down in bed again, resting his uninjured arm over his eyes. He didn't know how much longer he could go on with the way things were, especially with how angry he was. Any mistake could cost him dearly and he didn't want to risk ending up in prison since the point of revenge was to destroy Shizuo and not himself.

Unfortunately, the emotionless freak had proven more than once to be a smart and resourceful guy. Kasuka could've given the DVD to anyone, so Izaya doubted he could easily find the damn thing. It was a shame that the freak wasn't as stupid as the beast because it made everything that much harder for him.

It crossed Izaya's mind that perhaps what he needed to clear his head and find the best course of action was step to away from the board, further than ever before. As a puppeteer or a chess master, he was a disgrace if he couldn't even keep his pieces in check.

I need a vacation, Izaya thought as he got up and started to pack. It was something he'd decided on a whim but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to get away from Tokyo and from everything bad in his life; at least for a while, until he distanced himself enough from the Heiwajima brothers so that he could see things clearly again. He packed lightly ― he didn't need much and if there was something he needed, he could always buy it ― took a shower, while being mindful of his injuries, and got dressed. He then carried the luggage downstairs and left Namie a message before walking out of the apartment and heading towards the train station.

.

It was still early in the morning when the train arrived at Yumoto Station in Hakone. Izaya had picked this destination first because it was the closest to Tokyo and because the hot springs seemed like a good place to relax. He took a bus from there and then tried to find accommodations at the first Ryokan he found in his path, but all the rooms were occupied and he had no choice but to look online for a place where he could find a room.

The next Japanese-style inn in his path seemed too modest for his taste but luckily he found on the next one after that. He didn't receive the full breakfast since they hadn't had time to prepare it, but he wasn't hungry anyway and all he wanted to do was relax in one of the hot springs.

Izaya almost felt like a little kid again as he headed for the bathhouse, wearing a yukata and carrying a towel in his right hand. He'd just put on a different set of slippers and walked into the bathhouse, one he'd made sure had showers so that he wouldn't have to get naked in front of strangers, when he was suddenly hit by nausea at the sight of a guy, no older than himself, getting up from the stool where the man had just washed himself, and heading in his direction.

He froze, like a deer caught in the headlights, but the man simply passed him by as though Izaya wasn't even there to begin with. When he could move again, Izaya turned on his heels and headed back to the inn, feet thudding on the tatami floors as he hurried back to his room. Once inside he sat down on the floor with his back against the sliding doors, heart hammering inside his chest.

Perhaps it was too soon to go to the hot spring since there would be naked men there. Izaya had made sure this particular inn allowed people to cover themselves, but that didn't mean others would choose to do the same. His body shook at the mere memory of seeing another man's dick and he found himself dropping the towel and wrapping his good arm around raised knees as he fought to calm down. He'd assumed he could deal with it, but it looked like he couldn't; not yet anyway. If anything, Izaya felt vulnerable and scared even though it didn't make sense for him to feel that way when no one had threatened him in any way since he'd arrived in Hakone.

Even injured, he could probably win in a fight against most men he'd run into, but the fear was there and he doubted he would feel safe anytime soon. Look what you've done to me, Shizu-chan. I hope you're happy, he thought bitterly as he pushed himself to his feet and proceeded to get changed. Traditional Style inns weren't for him, not when he couldn't even take a bath without the risk of having a panic attack, something he was ashamed to admit even to himself.

The room had already been paid for but Izaya didn't care; he just wanted to get out of there. Without hesitation, he picked up his case and walked out of the room and then out of the inn, heading in the direction of a modern-looking hotel he'd seen on his way there. It was for the best anyway, especially when his upper arm was an ugly, swollen red. He'd wrapped it up as best as he could, even using waterproof bandages, but the wound still hurt even after taking painkillers ― probably too many ― and he was still feeling rather weak. The hot water could've easily made him feel lightheaded and the more he thought about it, the more Izaya realized that perhaps the whole vacation thing had been a bad idea. It was just that he wanted to get away, at least for a while, until he was less bloodthirsty and more calculated. Deep inside though, he knew that he was running away.

Shaking his head to chase away such thoughts, he walked into the hotel and asked for a room with a nice view. This place had a few available rooms and Izaya chose the one on the highest floor. No matter where he was, Izaya enjoyed watching his surroundings from high above, as close to the sky as possible.

Izaya spent that day in his room, thinking about all sorts of things, but the following days he went around the city, visiting as many places as he could. His favorites ended up being the Hakone Shrine and the Old Tokaido Road. While going up the stairs or down the road, it felt as though he had a clear destination as opposed to not knowing where he was going, which was how he felt most of the time.

After spending a week there, mostly people-watching, Izaya traveled to Kyoto. He knew exactly what he wanted to visit there, so after settling in at the hotel he went to see the Ryoan-ji Temple's dry rock garden. There were a few theories about what the garden depicted, from a tiger carrying a cub across a stream, to a sky dotted with clouds or the map of the Chinese Zen monasteries, but all Izaya could see were rocks and gravel; at least that's what he thought the first time he was there. After a while, on the third day to be more precise, he saw himself, Shizuo, and the other disturbing Ikebukuro elements in the rocks, while the gravel made him think of a sea of ordinary people.

It was at the Ryoan-ji Temple where Izaya met an interesting woman. She appeared to be around his age or perhaps a year or two older, and even though she was beautiful, her beauty wasn't what had caught Izaya's attention. Just like Izaya himself, she seemed to be running from something, and it didn't take him long to realize that she too didn't want to talk about herself. Out of respect toward one another, they didn't ask personal questions and instead talked about everything else, from science to the supernatural and even going so far as to talk about morality and about good and evil.

They would meet at the Ryoan-ji temple every day, spend an hour or two staring at the garden, and then they would go around Kyoto, visiting tourist attractions. Izaya found himself more than once staring at her face, especially those plump cherry lips and dark brown eyes. One night, about a week after they met, he couldn't help himself and he ended up kissing her after attending a tea ceremony. Seeing how she responded to the kiss, Izaya assumed she was just as interested if not more.

As he headed back to his hotel that night, Izaya briefly thought about putting his skills to good use and finding out everything there was to know about the woman he decided to call Masami, which meant 'elegant beauty', but in the end he chose against it. He didn't know why, but for the first time in a long time, he was enjoying the mystery. It made him forget about beasts and freaks, about headless monsters and about psychotic serial killers. When he was with her, Izaya felt as though he was standing inside the eye of a storm while the world around him moved in a chaotic and destructive manner.

It wasn't that Izaya loved her ― after all, his love was for all humans, not just one ― but he was sexually attracted to her and that realization alone brought him some peace of mind. The many times he'd nearly had a panic attack while left with no choice but to take care of an erection were enough to make him wonder if he'd ever be normal again.

Almost two weeks after they met, Izaya invited her to his hotel room and they ended up in bed, kissing. She seemed like the dominating type, but he made sure to keep her under him because he didn't like the idea of being pinned down even if his partner was a woman. Masami's skin was soft and the sounds she was making as they kissed only made him want to hear more, so he helped her slip off her blouse and unclasped her bra, finally gaining the freedom to touch her breasts.

In turn, Masami helped him take off his T-shirt and unbuckled his belt, but he stopped her before her small hands came in contact with his still mostly limp member by pinning her down again and capturing her wrists in one hand while using his other to massage her breasts. He was afraid that rushing it would cause the memories to reappear, because no matter how much he kept telling himself that sex could feel good, all he remembered was the pain of having been viciously violated by a beast.

"Come back," Masami whispered against his lips.

Izaya froze for a bit, feeling slightly embarrassed, but he quickly recovered and released her wrists before moving lower and helping her out of her skirt. Perhaps taking it slowly was not such a good idea because it gave him too much time to think when all he had to do was feel and live in the moment. His body's temperature was going up the more they kissed but the damn thing in his pants was still not hardening quickly enough and he wondered if it ever would.

As if guessing his worries, Masami slipped a hand inside his briefs and grasped his member, making Izaya's body jolt in shock, but her soft fingers felt heavenly and he ended up groaning and pushing into her hands while they kissed hungrily.

It looked like things were going well, that is until Masami grabbed Izaya's ass and squeezed. It was supposed to be something hot, but it triggered flashbacks of a beast with inhuman strength pounding into him hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs and Izaya got off of her and retreated to the edge of the bed, struggling to fight back the torrent of memories flooding his mind.

He was back in that alley, screaming and crying while a monster tortured him with a sadistic pleasure Izaya did not know Shizuo to be capable of. The feelings of helplessness, shame and disgust were overwhelming and he didn't come back from his nightmare until Masami grabbed his shoulder and shook him a few times.

"Nakura-san, please come back," she pleaded until Izaya's eyes focused on her. Pulling back her hand, she grabbed her blouse and slipped it back on. "Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea."

Izaya was too embarrassed and ashamed to even talk, but Masami's calm voice was enough to keep him rooted there even though the memories were still lurking behind his eyelids like a terrible nightmare he would never be able to get rid of.

When Masami addressed him again she was sitting down on the bed next to him, looking as beautiful as ever, and all Izaya could think about in that moment was that he was not man enough to be with her or with any other woman because he was weak. He should've fought harder, he should've found a way to stop Shizuo, and because he hadn't he ended up as nothing more than a hole for Ikebukuro's monster to fuck. A wave of nausea hit him with the force of a tsunami and his shoulders drooped further while his hands shook with fine tremors. Deep down he knew there was nothing he could've done to fight off Shizuo, but reason and logic had very little to do when it came to the post-traumatic stress disorder he refused to admit he was suffering from.

Masami raised a hand and softly brushed her fingers across the healing cut on his arm, her expression one of worry. Her hand then traveled lower and she did the same to the scar on his back, her touch causing a shiver to run down his spine. "An intelligent man who lives a dangerous life; a rare combination."

Izaya's breathing had slowed down and he laughed at the comment, albeit bitterly.

Masami got up and moved in front of him, using her hands to raise his head so that she could gaze into those almost red eyes for one last time. "One cannot move forward before coming to terms with the past," she said quietly before leaning forward and giving him a kiss on the forehead. "I think I'm ready to go back now, but I'll never forget these beautiful couple of weeks you gave me," she then added before picking up her purse and leaving the room, never looking back.

.

Almost two months had passed since Izaya found Shizuo and attempted to kill him but Shizuo was still in a coma and Izaya was nowhere to be found. It was as though the man had dropped off the face of the Earth, but Kasuka had this nagging feeling that the Informant was hiding in the shadows, watching him and his family and waiting for the right moment to strike, like a snake stalking its victim before devouring it.

"Mother," Kasuka said after he turned away from the window and his half-closed eyes settled on his mother's hand holding Shizuo's in her own much smaller one. "I'll take you home."

His mother shook her head, her eyes never leaving Shizuo's face. "I'll take the train back to Tokyo tomorrow morning."

"Father needs you," Kasuke said in the hope of convincing her to come back with him.

"Your father will be just fine. I left him food in the fridge."

"I wasn't talking about―"

"I know, but he'll be fine anyway."

If there was one thing Kasuka knew, it was that he could never win an argument against his mother, so he nodded and wished her a good night ― even though he knew she wouldn't be able to sleep ― before walking out the door and the hospital and then getting into his car.

He wanted to see Ruri but she was filming a music video for one of her songs and they couldn't meet up because of that. Kasuka himself was going to star in a new movie soon and they only had another week before filming began and he would be too busy to meet up with her every day.

Kasuka loved her and he felt bad that he couldn't show her just how much, at least not in the same way most people expressed their feelings towards the people they loved, but Ruri understood him and it was more than he could've ever asked for. It was as though they were made for each other, and Kasuka couldn't imagine being with anyone else after having met her.

The road back to Tokyo felt long, but Kasuka kept thinking about Ruri and just as he was nearing his apartment building his phone rang and he picked it up, inwardly smiling when he saw the name on the screen. "I was just thinking about you."

_"I had a feeling you were, and I wanted to hear your voice,"_ Ruri said as she toyed with the key Kasuka had given her the night she'd tried to kill Orihara Izaya. They never talked about it again but to Ruri, the key was the symbol of how much he trusted her.

"I wanted to hear your voice too," Kasuka said, and the irony of the whole situation was that both of their voices sounded just as emotionless even though their owners weren't. "Any chance that you will finish early tonight?"

_"I doubt it, since the director in charge of this video seems very hard to please. He'll probably keep us here until morning."_

"One second," Kasuka said so that he could concentrate on parking the car since the lights seemed to have gone off moments after entering the underground parking lot. "I'm back," he said and walked away from the car, wondering what was going on since the apartment building was supposed to have emergency lighting for this exact type of situation.

_"I can come over to your place in the morning, or whenever I'm done filming," Ruri suggested. "If you want me to."_

Kasuka opened his mouth to give Ruri his answer while further narrowing his eyes, hoping to see the elevator doors before he bumped into them. "Of course I―"

In the next moment someone jumped at him from between two of the parked cars and he dropped the phone when a fist collided with the side of his face hard enough to send him tumbling to the ground. He tried to get up but he was kicked in the stomach and he felt the air being knocked out of his lungs because of the strength behind the blow. He curled into a ball to protect himself while at the same time trying to catch a glimpse of his attacker, but the man kicked him in the face, knocking him out.

The last thoughts going through Kasuka's mind before losing consciousness were that it had to be Izaya's doing and that he was going to die.

_"Yuuhei? Yuuhei? What's wrong? Are you all right? Answer me!"_ Ruri's voice could be heard faintly through the phone's speaker, but that too went silent when the man stepped on the small device, crushing it under his boot before picking Kasuka up, dumping him inside a van and driving out of there.


	65. The Shadow of the Past

By the time the sun rose, the police officers arrived at the scene had already concluded that based on the few droplets of blood they found near the broken phone and Ruri's testimony about their conversation being interrupted in the middle of talking to each other, Hanejima Yuuhei had been kidnapped.

They asked her if she knew who might've done it, but Ruri, who in the meantime had left the set where she was shooting her latest video, chose to remain silent instead of giving them Izaya's name. She couldn't reach the Informant and going around saying that Orihara Izaya had done it could get Kasuka killed, something that Ruri wanted to avoid at all costs winds she loved him and she couldn't stand the thought of losing him.

It was also possible that the kidnapper was not Izaya and that it was some crazy fan or someone doing it for the money. As Ruri's fingers tightened around the key Kasuka had given her, she hoped that it was Izaya because she had no problem with trading the key for her boyfriend if that was what it took to get him back in one piece. As long as she didn't know what it opened, the little metallic thing hanging from a chain around her neck was completely useless.

After releasing the key, Ruri placed her hand on Yuigadokusonmaru's head and started to gently caress the little ball of fur since Kasuka's cat appeared to be just as restless as Ruri herself. She was now inside Kasuka's apartment, sitting in an armchair while the police looked around the place to see if the actor had received any threatening letters lately.

To Ruri's surprise, they actually found a few, some from people who appeared to be her own fans and others from the jealous boyfriends of a couple of Hanejima Yuuhei's female fans. She found it disturbing how much hatred some people could amass towards someone they had no real reason to hate.

Kasuka's father was inside the apartment too, talking to the police, while the mother was on a train back to Tokyo. Heiwajima Kichirou looked like he was one stop away from falling apart and Ruri couldn't blame the man when his son had just been kidnapped and the other was in the hospital in a coma. Ruri had met them before while visiting Shizuo with Kasuka and she saw them as good people who loved their sons, which was why she hated to think about how much pain they had to be going through.

Ruri's thoughts kept going back to the DVD Kasuka had mentioned and she couldn't help but wonder what was on it. She was absentmindedly petting Yuigadokusonmaru when Kasuka's father approached her with a glass of water in hand.

"How are you holding up?" he asked Ruri as he handed her the glass and she took a sip from it before placing it on the coffee table between the armchair and the couch Heiwajima Kichirou took a seat on.

"As well as I can, given the situation," she admitted. Just like in any other case of kidnapping, the first twenty-four hours were critical and Ruri hoped they'd soon get a phone call from someone demanding a ransom because the idea of a person kidnapping Kasuka with the purpose of torturing and, or killing him was one that neither Ruri nor Kichirou wanted to entertain.

.

Kasuka didn't know for how long he'd been out but he continued to pretend to be unconscious even after waking up. He'd been blindfolded and the handcuffs and legcuffs made escape nearly impossible to achieve but he had a way to free himself and for that he needed the kidnapper to leave him alone for a few minutes. The fact that his hands were cuffed behind his back made it harder for him to free himself but he was confident in his ability to escape since he wasn't the type of person to just give up, roll over and die.

At that moment, he was lying on his side with his knees slightly bent and his right cheek lying in what he assumed was blood. His face felt sticky and swollen and the coppery smell and taste was more than a bit irritating. He almost couldn't feel his right shoulder anymore and the handcuffs were biting into his skin hard enough to almost stop the blood from pulsing above his wrist, unable to get to his hands, but he knew that he couldn't move no matter how much he wanted to.

All Kasuka could do in his situation was think of ways to get out alive and in one piece, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that his initial assumption about Izaya being behind the attack and the kidnapping had been erroneous because the man wasn't stupid enough to risk being sent to prison. Orihara Izaya was smarter than that, and if Izaya wasn't the one behind it, then Kasuka had no idea who the kidnapper could be.

Either way, he was hoping to escape as soon as possible because he didn't want Ruri to see the video. He'd only given her the key, but he had no doubts that she would get her hands on the DVD by the end of the day. Ruri would then assume the worst after seeing it and with Shizuo in a coma, there was no one besides Izaya to tell her the truth, which Ruri would most likely disregard as lies.

He was just thinking that his situation was more than a little bit grim when the van stopped and he heard the driver get out and then open the sliding door to the back. Kicking the kidnapper and trying to make a run for it was impossible as long as his ankles were tied up so he chose to lay deathly still, the numbness in his arm making it a challenge to not move past slight breaths caught in his throat. The pain in his arm seized his muscles, forcing his tongue between his teeth in a struggle to keep himself still as he was moved to another van. A few moments later he heard the sounds of what were most likely his boots being thrown into the van and he paid attention to where he thought they might've landed so that he could get to them as soon as possible the moment he would be left alone.

The one and only good thing about changing vans was that Kasuka was now lying on his other side and that he was starting to get feeling back into his right shoulder, but his hope of the kidnapper leaving him alone for a while flew out the window when the man got into the van and drove out of there.

Time seemed to slow down after that, mostly because Kasuka couldn't see anything and also because every second felt like it was stretching along the coil of his muscles nearly snapping his bones as parts of his body had fallen victim to the sensation of pins and needles; it was more than enough to gnaw at the fatigue fraying sanity. Luckily, Kasuka was anything but normal, self-control included, and he continued to lay silently even though it felt as though his muscles were ripping his veins from tissue and shredding them with the lack of circulation.

An hour or so must've passed until the van stopped again and this time it looked like the kidnapper was moving away because the door to the back didn't open right away and Kasuka thought he imagined the fade of footsteps into the distance, echoing with the blood rushing in his ears. Without wasting another second, he curled in on himself and struggled to bring his hands to the front, the numbness masking the pain of the metal digging angrily into his skin as he forced his swollen hands past his torso.

The first thing Kasuka did now that he had a bit more mobility was to take off the blindfold, but before he could get his hands on one of the shoelaces, the door opened and Kasuka froze with his hand in mid-air. He turned his head slowly and calmly towards the one who was most likely the kidnapper and then lowered his hand before moving to sit in a more comfortable position. The person standing right outside the door appeared to be covered in bandages so Kasuka couldn't see the face, but the man's frame and the possibly missing eye was enough to give him an idea regarding his captor's identity.

"You're not dead," Kasuka stated calmly even though he could feel a cold knot of what he identified as fear somewhere deep inside his stomach.

"Sorry to disappoint," Slon replied sarcastically before he leaned forward to capture Kasuka's ankle in a vice grip.

A few split seconds of pure instinct urged Kasuka to pull away but he pushed it back down before he could lose control and go into fight or flight mode.

"Grab the boots," the much bigger man ordered. "And since you went through the trouble of bringing your hands to the front, you can put them on yourself," Slon then added and pulled Kasuka towards the door.

The first thing Kasuka noticed once he was outside was that he was somewhere deep into the forest and that to his left laid a small path leading to what he assumed would be a cabin. The van couldn't go any further and Kasuka now understood why Slon had asked him to put his boots on. Things looked worse by the second and Kasuka knew he needed to get away no matter what before reaching the destination. "I can't put them on because of the legcuffs," Kasuka argued, already having formed a plan in his head.

"I'll take them off in a second, but first there are a few things we need to talk about," Slon growled, warning of the danger with the drag of a snarl in between the sneer of his lips.

"I'm listening," Kasuka replied while staring Slon in the uncovered eye hardened with enmity.

"_Any_ attempt to escape will be met with severe punishment."

Kasuka nodded. "I understand."

"As you can see," Slon said while making a gesture with his hand to indicate the forest around them, "we are in the middle of nowhere, so even if you by some miracle manage to escape, you won't get any help. When I find you, and I will because finding people and putting a bullet through their skulls is what I do, I'll beat you within an inch of your life and then carry you back to the cabin myself. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Say it!"

"I understand," Kasuka said in the same monotone voice.

Slon was a good actor himself, especially when it came to fooling people into believing what he wanted them to believe, but it looked like Hanejima Yuuhei was on a whole different level and Slon couldn't help but admire the actor for being able to remain calm in such a situation. "Good," he said and fished out the key from the pocket of his pants. He then crouched in front of Kasuka and unlocked the legcuffs as quickly as possible before standing up, taking a step backwards and shoving the cuffs and the key into the left pocket of his trench coat. "Put your boots on," he then commanded.

With a nod of his head, Kasuka bent down and made a show of struggling to put them on.

"What's wrong?" Slon asked.

"I still can't feel my fingers," Kasuka answered as he straightened his back. "And I'm thirsty, so may I please have some water?"

Slon made a sound of annoyance and went to pick up a small bottle from the front seat. He then handed it to Kasuka and crouched down to tie the shoelaces, but the second he was done tying them up he felt a knee collide with his face and he ended up falling backwards, groaning in pain.

Kasuka darted down the path with the tracks the tires had left behind knowing that he had to put as much distance between himself and Slon if he wanted to at least have a chance at escaping. He increased his speed as much as he could, not wasting any time looking back because any second could make the difference between captivity and freedom.

Slon stood up, hissing in pain, and made his way to the driver's seat. Once there he retrieved something from his backpack before slamming the door shut and going after Kasuka. "дерьмо́!" he cursed out loud when he felt the bandages covering his face getting wet with the blood running down his nose.

Kasuka was running as fast as he could but he was having troubles keeping his balance because his hands were still tied up and he couldn't afford to stop and take them off when Slon was right behind him, shouting threats in what sounded like Russian. He got off the path and dashed through the trees, switching direction as often as he could in the hope of losing Slon inside the thick forest.

"Stop or I'll shoot!" Slon shouted and fired a warning shot which Hanejima Yuuhei was obviously ignoring because the man was still running away, seemingly uncaring of the threat.

Thinking that Slon was bluffing, Kasuka didn't stop, but the bullet flying right past him and hitting the tree situated straight ahead made him reconsider his previous assertion regarding the man. He couldn't allow himself to be captured, so he turned left and jumped down the slope knowing that Slon couldn't easily follow. The fact that his hands were cuffed made the fall more painful than it would've normally been and he couldn't help but let out a few pained grunts as he tumbled down, rocks and sharp sticks digging and slicing into his skin in an exacerbated crawl of time coming to a slow stop with a sudden force colliding into his back. The feel of bark ripping into his shirt and embedding in his spine informed him that the object was a tree.

His whole body ached and Kasuka wanted nothing more than to curl in on himself and wait until the pain stopped but he pushed himself to his feet and limped away from there, at first walking and then running because he knew Slon would catch up to him and he couldn't afford to waste a single second. Slon was dangerous and Kasuka didn't even want to think about what would happen to him if the man were to catch him. If the reason for the kidnapping was revenge, then Kasuka had no doubts that what awaited him at the cabin was a world of pain.

He could deal with the pain, just as he had in the past whenever he ended up getting attacked by people who hated Shizuo, but there was that other _thing_ Slon had tried doing to him and Kasuka didn't want to end up like Izaya. The image of a pale body covered in blood and bruises flashed inside his mind and he chased it away because he didn't want to think how easily that could be him if he got captured.

His mouth was dry, his entire body hurt and it felt like his muscles were on fire but Kasuka continued to run, gasping for breaths that were harder and harder to get into his lungs. Afte a while he ended up tripping on a root and falling to the ground and he figured it'd be a good time to take a small break. Licking his lips, he unscrewed the cap and took a few greedy gulps of some much needed water. He then placed the bottle on the ground, grabbed the black rubber piece covering the shoelace's tip and pulled, the action revealing a universal handcuff key discreetly attached to the tip of the bootlace that Kasuka had made sure to acquire after his experience with Slon and Izaya.

Back then, the handcuffs had been too loose and Kasuka managed to slip one off, but he wasn't naive enough to believe that such a thing would happen a second time. As such, he ordered the shoelace after looking online for ways to conceal a key because Izaya was a dangerous man and Kasuka thought it was best to be prepared.

His leg muscles were spasming and his hands were still quivering but he couldn't afford to lose any more time so he pushed the key into the lock and hoped that it would work. To his muted relief, it did. His wrists were red and the skin had broken in some parts, allowing the blood to flow down his arms, but he didn't dwell on it and instead pushed the rubber cover back in place to conceal the key and stood up, staggering for a moment and only succeeding to bend down and pick up the bottle when a shot was fired and the bottle flew out of his hand.

"Run and the next one ends up in your leg," Slon warned after revealing himself.

Kasuka straightened his back and turned to Slon who was walking towards him, gun in hand. A bullet to the leg would most likely not be fatal if treated right away but it would certainly make it near impossible for him to escape. Seeing no other choice, Kasuka decided to surrender. If possible, he would try to take the gun out of Slon's hand, but he doubted a good opportunity would arise.

"Turn around, put your hands to the side with your palms in my direction and spread your legs. Wider," Slon ordered and waited until Kasuka did as he was told before approaching him. He should've known after their previous encounter that Hanejima Yuuhei was a force to be reckoned with and Slon made up his mind to never underestimate the man again. While still holding the gun, he pulled out a set of hinged handcuffs and placed one end around the man's right wrist. "Put your free hand behind your back," he then instructed and pulled the cuffed wrist towards the free one and snapped the other end shut.

The position was very hard to keep because his legs felt weak after so much running so Kasuka tried to bring them back together, but an unexpected vicious kick to the knee sent him falling to the ground, his right shoulder taking the brunt of the fall. He tried not to scream but his knee hurt too much and he let out a choked sound of agony when Slon grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to a standing position, the emotionless mask nearly cracking in the face of so much physical pain.

"I'd like to see you escape now," Slon challenged as he started to walk, pulling Kasuka after him by the arm.

Kasuka had to struggle not to hiss or groan in pain every time his foot touched the ground but it was hard when it felt as though his knee was broken and all he wanted to do was lie down and wait until the pain went away or at least lessened. "I can't walk," he tried to tell Slon more than once, but the man ignored him every time and Kasuka stopped after a while because he was afraid his voice might be too shaky.

The trek back to the van took longer than expected because the distance was greater than what Kasuka thought he might've covered while trying to escape but at least Slon sat him down in the back and even allowed him to rest for a bit.

"Drink," the man said and brought a bottle of water to Kasuka's lips.

Instead of opening them right away, Kasuka stared for a while before finally allowing the not cool enough liquid to flow down his throat. Denying himself water served no purpose so he drank as much as Slon allowed him to drink.

With the way things were, Kasuka stood no chance at escaping so he resigned himself to the idea of not being able to get away from the man anytime soon. The hinged handcuffs were impossible to remove before reaching the cabin and even if he could do that, his knee still hurt too much and he could barely walk, let alone run. As if that wasn't already bad enough, there was also the issue of the gun which Kasuka doubted he could get his hands on.

"Up," Slon ordered and Kasuka complied, resting his weight on the good leg for only a moment before the man grabbed him by the arm and started pulling him up the small pathway leading to the cabin that was to be his prison.

"Are you doing this for revenge?" Kasuka asked after about two minutes of walking, but he received no answer.

They walked for another ten minutes or so after that and Kasuka almost felt relief when the cabin appeared in sight ― he didn't know for much longer he could walk before his knee finally gave out ― but the boarded windows made him worry a bit because it showed that Slon had planned things beforehand.

"What happened back then wasn't my fault," Kasuka tried again, but the man continued to ignore him even after opening the door and walking inside. As expected, he was dragged into the room with the boarded windows, but the boarded windows seemed like less of a problem now after seeing the chain attached to a metal plate bolted into the floor and ending in a leg cuff.

There was a bed inside, a nightstand and a small table and Kasuka was unceremoniously dropped on the floor by Slon who proceeded to take off the boots and attach the cuff to his left ankle. He thought about kicking Slon again, but the idea of the man breaking one of his bones or worse kept him from doing so.

"I'll bring you a clean change of clothes, so don't lie down on the bed yet," Slon said before turning on his heels and walking out of the room, taking Kasuka's boots with him.

The finality of the door closing was enough to make Kasuka's heart beat a little bit faster but his expression remained as emotionless as ever.

Panicking would only make things worse and Heiwajima Kasuka wasn't one to panic. He'd just have to remain calm and find a way out of there as quicly as possible. There were always ways out of every situation and he was going to find one no matter what.


	66. Cornered

_A\N: Anon: Ohh, maple syrup! Yum! I guess you'll have to wait and see, ne? :3_

_Potato: Shoelace key thingies exist~_

* * *

><p>Slon came back about five minutes later and crouched down next to his prisoner after placing a folded yukata on the bed. "There's a small bathroom adjacent to this room. It's behind that door over there," he said and pointed to his left. "Now go take a shower."<p>

Kasuka's eyes moved to the door and then back to Slon. "Handcuffs."

"I'm going to take them off in a second," Slon said as he pulled out and flicked open a switchblade, "but first we have to get rid of these clothes."

Even with the raw pain pulsing in his knee and flaring up every time he so much as took a breath, Kasuka still tried to move away, but Slon's hand wrapped around his bad knee and squeezed it tightly, making him hiss and bite into his lower lip so that he wouldn't give his captor the satisfaction of hearing him cry.

"Stand still if you don't want me to slice you up by accident," Slon advised before he slipped the blade inside the pants' right leg and started to cut.

The more skin was revealed ― heavily bruised in some parts and scratched in others ― the more humiliated Kasuka felt, but he remained calm even when his belt was cut and the pants were ripped out from under him, leaving him in nothing but his briefs and T-shirt.

"Uncuff me and I'll do the rest myself," Kasuka tried, hoping to preserve his dignity for a while longer, but Slon ignored him and did the same to the torn T-shirt. He knew what came next and he thought about kicking Slon in the face, but a threatening glare from his captor froze him in place. Kasuka's heart sped up when Slon's bandaged fingers slipped inside the waistband of his briefs and the man pulled them down roughly, exposing him to the cold air and a curious eye.

The feeling of humiliation suddenly intensified but Kasuka continued to watch Slon as the man cut them off and pocketed the switchblade. He thought about trying to get his hands on it, but a threatening growl from Slon made him change his mind. The man then turned him to the side and removed the handcuffs, pocketing those too before picking up the ruined pile of clothes and standing up.

"Now get up and go shower, unless you want me to give you a hand with that."

Kasuka ignored the half mocking, half threatening offer and pushed himself to one elbow and then to a sitting position. Next, he placed his left palm on the floor to get up, but Slon grabbed him by the arm and roughly pulled him to his feet.

"I can walk by myself," Kasuka said, eyes fixed on the bandaged hand on his arm. Slon released him and Kasuka waited until the man left before limping in the direction of the bathroom. The chain rattled with every step he took but he ignored it since there was nothing he could do about it at that moment. At least it was long enough to allow him access inside the small bathroom and that was more than he could ask for considering how much the man probably hated him.

The first thing he did was to relieve himself and that's when he saw that he was pissing blood, but he didn't dwell on it since it sometimes happened after a beating. Carefully, he stepped into the shower and turned the faucet but the water was mostly lukewarm and not very pleasant to bathe in. The cuts and scratches he got from the fall stung pretty badly but the worst part came when he had to clean up his bleeding wrists. The handcuffs had bitten deep into his skin and he hoped that Slon wouldn't put the hinged ones back on since they allowed very little mobility and would only serve to further exacerbate his injuries.

Since he had an idea about what awaited him once he would be done with the shower, Kasuka took his time even though he wanted nothing more than to lie down and allow his battered body to rest and recover. After a while though, when he was having a very hard time standing and the water had long since turned icy cold, he dried himself and limped out of the bathroom, inwardly sighing in relief when he didn't find Slon there. He grabbed the yukata with stiff cold fingers and wrapped it around himself, sloppily securing it with the provided obi moments before his legs finally gave out from under him and he collapsed on the bed, panting in exhaustion.

As he lay there shivering from the cold, he thought about how much he wanted to hold Ruri in his arms and wondered if he'd ever see her again, but the sounds of approaching footsteps derailed his thoughts to the present. He pushed himself to a sitting position, eyes glued to the door as he watched, nearly choking with dread, the handle being pressed and Slon walking in, wearing what appeared to be another set of clothes and bandages.

The man approached the bed and captured one of Kasuka's wrists, inspecting the damage for a few moments before straightening his back and releasing the still bleeding wrist. "I'll be right back," he announced and walked out of the room, not even bothering to close it.

Kasuka tried not to think about it since he couldn't escape anyway and instead focused on chasing away the sensation of ants crawling beneath his skin. The man disgusted him more than anyone in the world and it was the reason why Slon touching any part of his body made him feel slightly nauseous. Even so, he didn't move when the man came back to disinfect and bandage his wrists. He continued to sit there, watching Slon who was now sitting on the bed next to him, and wondering if mentioning the DVD would be enough to force the man to release him. Slon might not believe him but it was still worth a try. "If you let me go now, I give you my word that I won't mention your name."

"You can't bargain your way out of this," Slon said as he released Kasuka's now bandaged right wrist and started to work on the other one.

"I made arrangements so that if anything ever happens to me, the video Izaya took that day will be released to the media." For a moment, when Slon's whole frame froze, Kasuka thought he might've scared him, but the man's next words shattered any hope he had of walking out of there anytime soon.

"I think I'd really like to see that treacherous Orihara bastard find a way out of this one," the Russian said, almost sounding excited at the prospect of Izaya becoming the target of everyone's hatred.

"Izaya won't be the only one who will suffer," Kasuka tried to argue, but the man's threatening glare told him that it was best to keep his mouth shut.

"All done," Slon said and released the now bandaged wrist, his hand shooting forward a moment later and capturing Kasuka's jaw before his prisoner could get away. "You're very pretty," he remarked, turning the bruised face to one side and then the other. "I really don't understand how some Japanese men can be this pretty. I swear! You're prettier than many of the women I've met!"

Kasuka's face remained expressionless but his heart sped up until it was ratcheting inside his chest, and even though his hands were itching to form a fist and punch Slon in the face, he was very much aware that he was far too injured to get into a fistfight with the much bigger man. In the end, he chose not to do anything.

"I really liked you in the role of the vampire ninja Carmilla Saizuo."

"Thank you," Kasuka stated simply. A moment later Slon released him and Kasuka almost couldn't believe it when the man stood up and headed for the door. Without another word, Slon walked out, locked the door behind him and turned off the light, leaving Kasuka in almost complete darkness to wonder when was the inevitable going to happen and the man would come after him.

.

Heiwajima Namiko couldn't believe that so much misfortune had befallen her family in such a short amount of time. First, her eldest son ended up in a coma after being attacked and now her youngest had been kidnapped by who knew what psychopath or thug. Her eyes drifted to the box in her hands and they lingered there for a few moments until the elevator doors opened and she made her way to her son's apartment. She knocked on the door and was finally allowed inside after showing her ID to the police officer who had opened it. She found Ruri and her husband in the living room, one staring out the window while the other was staring into space. Her husband soon noticed her and he got up and took her in his arms to comfort her.

"They have the best men working on the case. I'm sure they'll find him soon," Kichirou said and it was then when Ruri realized that Heiwajima Namiko had arrived and she moved away from the window.

"Yuuhei is strong," Ruri said after approaching the couple. "If anyone can escape, it's him."

With tears running down her cheeks, Namiko nodded and asked Ruri if she could talk to her in private. Ruri nodded as well and they made their way to the kitchen where they sat down at the table, but not before closing the door to make sure that no one could hear them. The older woman then placed the box on the table and raised her head to look Ruri in the eyes.

"My son gave this to me a while back and asked me to keep it safe. He also told me to give this to you when the time came," Namiko said and pushed the box in Ruri's direction. "Back then, I didn't understand what he meant by that, but now I can't help but think that he knew something bad would happen to him."

Ruri inspected the box and a simple look at the keyhole told her that what lay inside was the DVD Kasuka had mentioned before. "Thank you," she said as she picked up the box and raised it to her chest. With it, she would either get Kasuka back or ruin Izaya.

.

After visiting the Seisonkaku Villa in Kanazawa, Izaya made his way back to the hotel. He'd visited many cities and tourist attractions in the months he'd been away from Tokyo and he figured that it was probably time to end his vacation sometimes during the next few days before Namie really hired someone to bring him back by force since he wouldn't put it past the woman to do it after the last threatening message he'd received.

He was just about ready to take a shower when an announcement came on TV and Izaya froze in the middle of the room, eyes widening and T-shirt slipping from weak fingers when he heard that Hanejima Yuuhei had been kidnapped the night before from his apartment building's parking lot. "Nononono," he kept repeating the word as the reporter went on to say that a van had been stolen from one of the people living in the building and that it had most likely been used to transport the actor. It continued with the woman giving a description of the van and asking anyone who'd seen it to call the police right away.

Izaya started pacing around the room, biting his nails and trying to figure out what he needed to do to stop the DVD from being released to the media now that something had happened to Kasuka. He didn't know who had it but if there was someone who knew, it had to be Hijiribe Ruri. Unfortunately, he didn't know her phone number, but then again he doubted that he could convince her of anything over the phone so he concluded that he'd have to head back to Tokyo that very day.

Without wasting another second, he went into the bathroom, showered, packed up his suitcase and made his way to the station. The train wouldn't be there for another fifteen or so minutes so he fished out the phone, pressed the name of the person he wanted to talk to and brought it to his ear.

_"__Hello?"_ the voice on the other end said, the silence stretching for a while until it got shattered by the same person speaking again. _"Nakura-san, what's wrong?"_

"I didn't do it," Izaya said in a shaky voice as he nervously tightened his grip around the switchblade safely tucked inside the left pocket of his jacket.

_"__You didn't do what?"_ the woman asked in a calm, almost soothing voice.

Instead of answering right away, Izaya's shoulders drooped and he leaned forwards to rest his elbows on his thighs. "It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have bothered you," he said and was about to end the call when the woman's request for him to wait convinced him to bring the phone back to his ear.

_"__It's been nearly a week since we started talking and yet there hasn't been one thing you told me about yourself, so why don't we start with you telling me what's wrong?"_

No answer.

_"__Therapy works only if you cooperate."_

A bitter laugh erupted past Izaya's lips and he released the switchblade so that he could run his twitchy hand through still wet raven locks. "You expect me to tell a stranger my deepest fears and my most inner secrets?" he asked mockingly.

_"__Yes, that's the idea."_

Izaya's hand tightened into his hair and he pulled at it weakly. "You see, Fujita-san, I can't do that."

The woman sighed into the phone. _"Need I remind you, Nakura-san, that you were the one who called me and insisted we talked even after I clearly stated that I don't do therapy over the phone?"_

Izaya began chewing on his bottom lip in frustration since opening up to people, even if they were therapists, wasn't something he saw himself doing. Fujita Shizuka, whom he'd picked because he had a twisted sense of humor, was right though, so after thinking how to go about explaining the situation, Izaya took a deep breath and began. "There is something I did that I shouldn't have done."

_"__We all make mistakes."_

"I… made _a lot_ of mistakes," Izaya said and the words were followed by a humorless laugh.

_"__No one is perfect, Nakura-san, so it's only natural that we make mistakes. You don't have to punish yourself because you're not perfect. We've talked about this before, haven't we? Humans are imperfect creatures, no matter how much we sometimes try to tell ourselves otherwise."_

"It's not what you think," Izaya said, chuckling darkly into the phone.

_"__Then what is it?"_

"What I regret is not being ruthless enough."

_"__In general or…?"_

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," Izaya said and ended the call. He then pocketed the phone, picked up the suitcase and made his way to the train.

.

"What are you doing here?" Izaya asked in a surprised voice when he walked into his apartment and found Namie there.

"What I can," she hissed the answer, "since a certain someone thought it'd be a good idea to one day pack a bag and disappear." Without taking her eyes off of Izaya, she got up, went around the desk and leaned against it, folding her arms in front of her chest and narrowing her eyes into slits. "I find it hard to believe that you coming back the same day Hanejima Yuuhei has been kidnapped is just a coincidence."

Izaya shrugged in an attempt to hide how tense he felt as Namie's scrutinizing stare remained glued to him. "Coincidences happen."

"I don't believe in coincidences," Namie stated.

"You're entitled to your opinion, even if it's wrong," Izaya said and released his hold on the suitcase's handle.

Namie let out a sound of disgust and picked up the phone while her lazy boss made his way up the stairs. "The thing we talked about yesterday, it's off," she told the person on the other end. "Yes, you can keep the deposit."

Now, more than ever, after hearing her conversation, Izaya was certain that Namie had seriously called someone to either kill him or bring him back. The thought made him shudder at first and then laugh. Namie was truly a terrifying woman.

.

Ruri was sitting on the couch of her apartment, half-closed eyes glued to the DVD she'd placed on the coffee table after taking it out of the box she'd received from Kasuka's mother. She was debating whether or not to watch it before taking it to the media when she heard the sound of the doorbell going off.

After checking who was the person looking for her, she went back to the living room, put the DVD back into the box and carried it to her room where she placed it on the nightstand. After all, Izaya didn't need to know that she had it. She then went back to the door and opened it. "What do you want?"

"Can I come in?" Izaya asked, struggling not to show just how nervous he was.

Ruri moved to the side and allowed the man inside, not at all worried since she could easily kill him if he tried anything funny.

"Look, I know what you're thinking," Izaya said as he paced around the monster's living room, "but I have nothing to do with Kasuka's disappearance."

"I don't believe you," Ruri said and took a seat on the couch, her eyes never leaving the man she'd tried to kill before.

Izaya stopped pacing and turned to her. "Did Kasuka ever mention a video to you?"

Ruri nodded.

"Have you seen it?" Izaya asked and tried to swallow the lump stuck in his throat. If Ruri had seen it, then the monstrous woman might kill him out of anger, but if she hadn't, then she wouldn't believe that he had nothing to do with it. Either way, he was screwed.

"No."

"If you do, you'll understand why anything happening to Kasuka and consequently the video being released to the media would not benefit me in any way," he said in an attempt to make her understand, but Hijiribe Ruri, just like Kasuka, was a freak and he couldn't read her at all.

"You have until tomorrow night to give me Yuuhei back," she told Izaya in a monotone voice even though on the inside she wanted nothing more than to get up and tear the man apart with her bare hands for most likely having taken away the man she loved.

"What part of 'I didn't do it' don't you understand?" Izaya asked, sounding slightly exasperated, but Ruri got up and motioned for him to leave.

Overcome with blind fury, Izaya nearly flicked open his switchblade and attacked, but luckily he managed to stop himself and by doing so walk out of there alive. Hijiribe Ruri's strength and speed were not normal and Izaya doubted that he could take her down before she took him down. He stormed out of the building, panting heavily since he couldn't get enough air into his lungs with how angry he was. Once outside, he continued to stand there in front of the building for a while longer, trying to figure out what to do.

After a while, when the anger lowered in intensity, Izaya felt a panic attack starting to creep at the edges of his mind, but he fought to push it back while at the same time wondering if he could figure out who had kidnapped Kasuka. He probably could, given enough time, but he had a little over a day and he knew that it was impossible to find the culprit in such a short amount of time. What he knew however, without a shadow of a doubt, was that he hated the Heiwajimas and anyone related to them.

His heart sped up at the thought of his humans seeing the video and he was suddenly overcome with nausea as he imagined his sisters, parents, acquaintances, clients and everyone else looking at him with disgust and most likely thinking that he'd raped Hanejima Yuuhei. It wasn't that he wasn't used to people hating him of thinking lowly of him, but the idea of being seen as the monster when he'd been the victim was enough to make him want to scream in rage. The world around him started to spin moments later and he tried to get to a nearby bench, but the ground shifted beneath his feet before he could reach it and he ended up collapsing, his vision fading to black as he slipped into unconsciousness.

When he came back to his sense there were two unknown faces staring worriedly at him, one of them placing a wet hand on his forehead while the other waved a magazine in front of his face. Izaya blinked a couple of times, trying to remember what happened, and attempted to get up, but the man pushed him down gently while the woman told him to take it easy.

"Did I…"

"You passed out," the woman said softly as she raised Izaya's head and brought a bottle of water to his lips.

Instead of parting them and taking a sip, Izaya pushed the bottle away. "I don't need it," he assured her and moved to a sitting position against their protests, only now realizing that he was sitting on the bench he'd been struggling to reach earlier. "Thanks for your help," he then added as he stood up and hurried away from there since the embarrassment of having passed out in the middle of the street was almost too much to bear.

He headed straight to the train station, not stopping even when he heard Kadota call his name from across the street since he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. He didn't like the idea of running away, but he knew there'd be no place for him in Tokyo, or even Japan, the second his humans saw the recording. Not even the police officers he had in his pocket were powerful enough to get him out of such a situation, which meant that he was utterly screwed if he stayed.

He still had time though; time to do one last thing before disappearing for good, so he fished out his phone and called Ayato.

_"__Orihara-san, long time no talk!"_

"It hasn't been that long. Anyway, I have a question for you."

_"__Sure, what is it?"_the kid asked, feeling excited at the prospect of doing stuff for Orihara Izaya again.

"What would be the best way to get past several people and bodyguards without killing them?" Izaya asked in a low voice as to not get the attention of the other passengers inside the train.

_"__Send me in and I'll get it done,"_ Ayato promised.

Izaya sighed and rolled his eyes since he'd been expecting that answer. Ayato was a psychopath who wouldn't throw away the chance to hurt people, especially if he got money while doing it. "I don't want them to get hurt."

_"__Hmm, in that case, use knockout gas grenades and wear a mask,"_ Ayato suggested.

Izaya's eyes lit up, but he didn't have either of those and he didn't know where he could acquire them in such a short amount of time.

As if guessing his dilemma, Ayato continued. _"I can get them for you tonight, but it'll cost you."_

"Call me when you have them."

.

"Who do you want to get to in there?" Ayato asked after he stopped the bike in front of the hospital and Izaya got up, much like that time when they'd followed Hanejima Yuuhei.

"It doesn't concern you," Izaya said as he picked up the bag with the mask and the knockout grenade. "Now get in there and distract them so that I can sneak in." Ayato nodded excitedly and Izaya rolled his eyes. "Just don't kill anyone."

"Okay~" Ayato promised and made his way inside the hospital.

Izaya didn't have to wait long because not even a minute later the kid ran out the door with the guard shouting at him to stop. He pulled the hood over his head and slipped inside, the few people there too busy watching the show to notice him. He took the stairs and then he made sure there was no one on the hallway besides the two bodyguards before he put on the mask, took out the grenade and sent it rolling in their direction. He heard coughing and some commotion and then everything went quiet. Now certain that the guards had been knocked out, he hurried in the direction of the door so that he could get inside the room before the smoke blocking the camera's view cleared.

Izaya hadn't really thought about what he would find in there, but an unconscious beast hooked to machines and looking so thin and weak was not one of them. Even when thinking about a comatose Shizuo, Izaya always imagined the beast the way he remembered him looking that last time they talked to each other when he'd left him to bleed to death. The weak _thing_ lying in bed, with the brown roots of his hair showing and the thin hands lying on top of the blanket wasn't the beast he knew.

Shocked beyond words, Izaya took off the mask, pulled out the switchblade and flicked it open, moving closer to the bed to deliver the killing blow. It was what he'd gone there to do, and yet, as he raised the hands tightly holding the switchblade high into the air above Shizuo's chest and tried to plunge the knife's blade into the beast's still beating heart, he found himself stopping at the last moment and staggering backwards. His own heart hammered wildly inside his chest and it took him a while to realize that the reason he'd stopped was because Shizuo looked much too human and unnaturally vulnerable. As he stood there, struggling to get air into his lungs while his hands trembled with the need to strangle the beast to death, Izaya realized that the problem lay in the fact that he couldn't reconcile the image of the beast he'd known for nearly a decade with the pathetic _thing_ lying in that hospital bed.

He slumped into the chair next to the bed, his eyes never leaving Shizuo's form, and laughed, the hollow disturbing sound resonating throughout the hospital room. "Why didn't you just bleed to death back then?" Izaya hissed the words and raised the switchblade again, but he found that he lacked the will to thrust it deep into Shizuo's heart. "Stupid beast."

Said stupid beast wasn't answering though and Izaya, annoyed that Shizuo wasn't opening those ugly pale brown eyes of his, got up, curled his fingers into the material of Shizuo's shirt and started to shake him. "Wake up, you protozoan, so that you can see me seconds before I end your pathetic existence once and for all."

Izaya's eyes darted to the heart monitor which showed no change.

"Did you hear me? Wake up, if not to die then to at least tell that stupid monster your brother has for a girlfriend that I didn't kidnap the freak," Izaya hissed and shook Shizuo harder. Seeing no reaction, he pulled back the hand still holding the switchblade and pressed it to Shizuo's neck. "I'm going to slit your throat if you don't wake up." Izaya's frown deepened. "Shizu-chan, you're not human enough to be in a coma."

He pushed the sharp edge deeper into the monster's throat but stopped the moment the switchblade tasted blood. "Really, Shizu-chan, this is disgusting. I almost feel like puking."

The constant beeping on the monitor nearly made Izaya want to turn and shatter it but he kept his eyes on the beast, almost finding it hard to believe that someone this pathetic had managed to break him. And then, as he continued to stare at the beast's face, one hand on the switchblade pressed against the blonde's neck and the other curled into the man's shirt, he realized that he didn't feel like killing Shizuo anymore. "I can't help but wonder, you know? What if Kasuka is being tortured right now? Maybe it's some psychopath with a fetish for Hanejima Yuuhei," Izaya said in a malicious voice, followed by a sound of annoyance when he got no response.

"You really can't hear me, can you? Stupid protozoan!" he hissed and pulled back his hands before slashing Shizuo across the chest just like he'd done the first time they exchanged words back when they had no idea that one day things would go so wrong between them.

"You know what? I don't want you to die anymore. In fact, I hope you wake up so that when they find your precious brother's corpse," Izaya stated in a cold tone while wiping the blade on the blanket covering the unmoving body, "you'll be there to see it and experience what it's like to break into more pieces that you could ever count."

Tearing his eyes away from the blood flowing out of the cut he'd just made, Izaya picked up the gas mask and walked out of the room after giving Shizuo one last look.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say this is karma," he mused, but by then he was too far away to hear the wailing sound of the heart monitor.


	67. St Anger

Before he even opened his eyes, Shizuo raised his hands and covered his ears to block the irritating sound coming from somewhere on his left. He had no idea what was going on, but when the sound didn't stop and instead seemed to increase in frequency and intensity, he turned his head and glower at the thing making his pounding headache a thousand times worse. It hurt to open his eyes, let alone to look at the monitor, but he kept blinking, trying to get accustomed to the light.

His burning eyes then drifted over to his body and he noticed the blood and the cut on his chest. For some reason, the wires attached to his body bothered him more so he ripped them off with trembling hands, hissing in discomfort and then wincing when the machine flat-lined as a result of the action. His mouth was as dry as a desert, he was starving and the simple act of breathing felt exhausting ― going back to sleep sounded like a good idea ― but the need to see Kasuka overruled everything else and he stood up, legs trembling and threatening to give out from under him before he could even take a step.

Growling low in his throat, Shizuo used the bed and then the wall as support as he made his way to the door, bits and pieces of his life, as well as what his actions had led to, coming back with a vengeance and increasing the sensation of nausea causing him to sway on his feet. Outside he found two men lying on the floor, unconscious, but he ignored them and walked past them, trying to find the elevator in a place he did not recognize. Luckily, the rattling sound of the doors opening told him which direction to take, so he steered left around the corner and nearly bumped into one of the nurses.

"Hanejima-san, you're awake! Why aren't you in bed?!" she screeched the question, startled, and grabbed him by the arm when she saw that he was unsteady on his legs.

It took a while until his brain finally made sense of what the woman was asking, but when it finally did, Shizuo couldn't understand why someone would call him by a name that was not his. His thoughts were a jumbled mess and yet the name sounded familiar enough to jolt back a few more memories and help him recall that Kasuka was Hanejima Yuuhei. "Where am I?" he asked, throat dry and voice cracking. It hurt to speak, to see, and to generally be alive when he was sure that he was supposed to be dead.

"You're at Higashi General Hospital," the nurse answered and tried to steer him back to his room, but the man was much stronger than he looked even in his weakened state.

Shizuo's brows furrowed and he frowned. "I've never heard this name before. Where is this place?" he asked slowly as he strained to speak.

"This hospital is situated in the Saitama prefecture. Now that I've answered your questions, can we please go back to your room? You're bleeding, Hanejima-san, and I must take care of your wound. How did you even get it anyway?"

Shizuo weakly shook his head and immediately regretted it when the dizziness increased. "It's fine; I'll be okay, I just… I need to get back to Tokyo."

"And you will, as soon as I sew the cut and a doctor takes a look at you," she promised, smiling, and felt a bit of relief when the patient turned around and started walking back to his room. Finding him walking had been a big enough shock, but the biggest one came when she saw the two unconscious bodyguards lying in front of the door. "What happened here?" she gasped and hurried to check on the men, all the while wondering if the person who'd done this was still around.

"I don't know," Shizuo said as he made his way past the unconscious men. "But there's no one inside the room," he then added, sensing her fear.

"I'll be right back," she promised before she turned on her heels and darted in the direction of the elevator.

Shizuo sat down on the bed and ran a shaky hand through his hair which seemed much longer than usual. His eyes then drifted back to his bleeding chest and he frowned, wondering how it got there. It was in the same place Izaya had cut before, but it made no sense for the flea to only cut him and leave without finishing the job. Then again, wasn't he supposed to be dead?

He remembered Izaya, the fear, the guilt, the regret, the rage, and then more guilt, a sea of it, enough to drown in it, as well as the sensation of dying right before seeing a faceless apparition in the sun's setting light. Many things about that day were still hazy, like some of the things Izaya had said, but they were slowly coming back to him, especially the hateful words and the insults. What he most clearly remembered though was Izaya talking about what Kasuka had been through while growing up and it was the reason why Shizuo was so desperate to go back to Tokyo; he was choking with guilt and wanted to apologize to his little brother.

The sounds of footsteps and voices were too loud in his ears as several hospital employees showed up to check on him and the unconscious guards, but Shizuo was having a hard time focusing because of the splitting headache and because he wanted to leave already. Irritated that the doctor was wasting his time asking questions, Shizuo pushed the man aside and tried to get up, but two hospital employees grabbed him by the arms and the doctor injected him with something that made him feel even weaker then before. For a few moments, after the needle was pulled out of his arm, they all remained silent, waiting for what they believed would be the inevitable, but their expressions soon turned into ones of surprise when their patient continued to stand instead of being rendered unconscious. Clearly, they hadn't heard of Heiwajima Shizuo.

A vein popped beneath the skin of Shizuo's forehead. "You know what happens to people who piss me off?" he growled the question, his tone alone making some of them flinch. Just because he felt weak, it didn't mean that he couldn't easily break their necks. "I beat them up within an inch of their lives!" he roared and wrenched his right arm free, the nurse letting out a sound of fear and dropping the needle she'd just finished preparing for sewing up the wound. "Try that again and I'll shove the syringe down your throat," Shizuo warned the doctor who was backing away slowly.

"Hanejima-san, it's important to―"

"Out," Shizuo hissed in a low, dangerous voice.

The doctor nervously raised his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose. "I'll come back later," he said and motioned for the men accompanying him to follow.

Despite being a bit worried for her safety, the nurse stayed behind.

"My clothes, where are they?" Shizuo asked the woman readying a new needle and thread.

"I don't know, but there might be some in the box Hanejima Yuuhei-san left behind," she said and pointed to her right.

Shizuo's eyes followed her movement and they fell upon a box placed on a chair near the window. "Thank you," he said and crackled a small smile which soon fell and was replaced by a frown when Izaya's words about his little brother being a target because of him rang in his head. He was much too torn by guilt after that to pay much attention to the things around him, but he noticed at some point that the nurse had finished disinfecting the wound and began sewing it. Izaya came to mind then and he wondered if the flea knew that the enemy he'd tried to kill was still alive. A furious Izaya would explain the unconscious guards and the cut, but it didn't explain why the man hadn't finished him off.

"All done," the nurse said after she finished bandaging Shizuo's chest. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll go call the doctor so that he can take a look at you."

Shizuo nodded even though he had no intention of waiting. As soon as she was out of view, he got up, opened the box and took out a new pair of shoes and the clothes, quickly getting dressed, leaving the room and then going down the stairs before the nurse or the doctor had a chance to come back. He couldn't understand why he was feeling so weak ― it wasn't like he hadn't been injured before ― and he couldn't help but wonder for how long he'd been out since it felt as though his muscles hadn't been put to use in a very long time. If he hadn't been in such a hurry to get out of the room, he might've remembered to check the stab wound on his leg to get an idea about the time frame. Unfortunately, it was too late now and he couldn't pull down his pants and take a look at it when finding the back exit was his number one priority.

It felt stupid to do this instead of walking out the front door but he didn't want to hurt the hospital employees who would surely try to stop him. The chilly night air felt good against his skin when he stepped out of the building and he took a moment to close his eyes and just breathe in the fresh air before he opened them again, determined to find his way back to Ikebukuro. The fact that Kasuka had even left him money and a phone was proof of how well his little brother knew him, but the battery was dead and he couldn't call anyone even if he wanted.

Shizuo didn't know the layout of the city, but getting further away from the hospital as soon as possible seemed like a good idea so started walking down the street leading away from the building, his frown deepening every time his muscles spasmed and his limbs twitched. His legs were the worst and at times it felt as though they were getting ripped apart from the inside, but he continued to move forward, only stopping to ask for directions on how to get to the train station.

When he finally got there, gulping water from a bottle he'd just bought, he sat down on a bench and waited for the train to arrive, all the while struggling to put his jumbled thoughts into order since his mind was still mostly hazy when it came to a lot of things. There were gaps in some of his memories, like he couldn't remember why Izaya was crying or what he was saying before thrusting the needle into his neck, but most things were slowly coming back to him the more he thought about them even if a part of him wished he wouldn't have remembered a thing.

Despite that, once he got on the train, Shizuo spent most of the time it took to get back to Ikebukuro trying to recover as many of his memories as he possibly could, but his thoughts kept going back to Kasuka and the few times he recalled seeing his little brother sporting a bruise or two. Kasuka would always say that older children had bullied him for money, but it seemed that the truth was much worse than that. It made Shizuo wonder, had he known back then, would he have tried harder to control his anger? Then again, it no longer mattered. He couldn't go back and change the past, just as he couldn't erase what he'd done to Izaya.

Once again, Shizuo didn't pay much attention to his surroundings as he made his way to Kasuka's apartment, but he couldn't help but notice the strange looks some people were giving him and the sounds of people taking his picture with their phones. Normally, he would've beaten them to a bloody pulp, but apologizing to Kasuka was far more important so he chose to ignore them even if he was tempted to break their phones and send them flying.

Shizuo didn't think his day could get any worse, but he was proven wrong when he saw the sea of reporters outside the building where Kasuka lived. He needed a moment to calm down so he closed his eyes and took a few breaths before heading towards the entrance. Halfway there, a man wearing dark glasses and a suit, who until then had been standing near a car, approached him.

"Heiwajima Shizuo-san?"

"Move," Shizuo warned. "I don't have time right now."

"Ruri-san sent me," the man told him. "She's waiting for you inside the car. Could you please go see her? It's urgent."

Shizuo was about to tell him to get lost, since it wouldn't be the first time someone had tried to set up a trap for him, but the person inside the car lowered the dark-tinted window, revealing that Hijiribe Ruri was indeed waiting for him.

"Go ahead, please," the man, who was actually the driver, told Shizuo. "I'll wait here."

Frowning, Shizuo made his way to the car, opened the door and sat down in the back.

Ruri, who'd been hurt by Shizuo before ― back when she was fighting one of the men sent by Yadogiri Jinai to capture her ― had developed a phobia towards the blond after the incident, and even though she knew he wouldn't hurt her, she still feared him. Every time she'd seen Shizuo after that had been in Kasuka's presence, which made it more bearable, but now, alone with only Ikebukuro's strongest inside a car, she couldn't help but tremble and try to move as far away from the man as possible.

"It's good to see you're doing well. I was really worried when you got shot," Shizuo said in an attempt to break the ice when he noticed how nervous she saw.

"I'm f-fine," Ruri answered in a trembling voice. "They called me from the h-hospital to let me know you woke up. Yuuhei must've given them my number. I'm glad he did and I'm also glad that Shizuo-san woke up, but we have a problem."

Shizuo, swallowing the lump in his throat, hoped that the eerily familiar thing Ruri was holding wasn't what he thought it was; he didn't know how much more he could take. "What's wrong?" he asked reluctantly.

Quivering delicate fingers tightened around the case holding the DVD inside. "I believe Orihara Izaya is the one who kidnapped Yuuhei."

For a few moments, Shizuo simply could not breathe. He remembered what Izaya had tried to do last time Kasuka had gone missing and he was overcome by the sudden need to throw up.

"But I'll get him back," Ruri continued in a more confident voice as she raised the DVD. "I told Orihara Izaya that he has until tonight to bring Yuuhei back. If he doesn't, this DVD will end up in the hands of the media."

Shizuo couldn't even speak anymore because of how terrified he was of what Izaya might do, of what he might have already done, and when he tried to speak, to get the confirmation that it was indeed the DVD Izaya had sent him in the past, he couldn't get his voice to come out. All he could think about was the horror his brother might be going through that very moment.

"Shizuo-san, do you know what's on it?" Ruri inquired as she handed him the DVD.

Shizuo took it with trembling hands and inspected it, confirming what he already suspected.

"Yeah," he answered in a tormented voice.

"I wanted to watch it, but Yuuhei said that he'd rather I never see it," Ruri confessed as she tried to take back the DVD, but Shizuo moved it out of her reach. "Shizuo-san…?"

"I can fix this. I _will_ fix this," Shizuo promised.

If it had been anyone else, Ruri would've torn them apart with her bare hands, but the man holding Kasuka's fate in his hands was Heiwajima Shizuo and Ruri knew that Kasuka's brother would do anything to get him back. "Good luck."

.

Izaya spent the entire night and most of the morning getting his affairs in order. He'd long since made arrangements for a new life if something like this were to happen, so the only thing left for him to do was visit the only person who seemed to give a damn about him. Two months had gone by since he'd last spoken to Shinra and Izaya had to admit that he missed the doctor. Thinking about his own experience with broken bones, Izaya concluded that Shinra's had most likely healed which meant that the doctor would not be as grumpy when he went to see him.

Strangely enough, he was less heartbroken about leaving Tokyo than he thought he'd be. He guessed that experiencing the peace and quiet away from it had given him a new perspective, one he didn't have before. Or perhaps he'd simply resigned himself to his fate.

In the meantime, Izaya just wanted to enjoy the view for a while longer, knowing that he'd never again be able to see Shinjuku from behind the windows of his apartment. Some people might've stayed back and tried to fight it, but Izaya knew that no one would believe him, not even his sisters. In fact, he expected Mairu and Kururi to seriously try to kill him and he wanted to avoid having to fight them at all costs even though he didn't think he loved them the way most people loved their siblings.

He was just about to take a sip from the dark coffee Namie had prepared that morning ― before he'd told her to leave ― when he heard the doorbell. There was no one besides Shinra he wanted to see, so he raised the cup and tried again, but that person pressed the door handle, making Izaya lower the cup with a frown and turn to the door, glowering while wondering who had the audacity to try to get inside uninvited.

As if to answer his question, there was a creaking sound as the lock broke and Izaya nearly dropped the cup when he saw the person walking in, their eyes meeting and both of them freezing for what felt like an eternity before Shizuo closed the door ― more like pushed it ― behind him and made his way further inside the apartment. His hands started to quiver so he placed the cup on the desk and stood up from his chair, shocked to see the man had woken up.

Seeing Shizuo now, in the natural light as opposed to the weak one inside the hospital room, the man looking like he was about to croak, Izaya thought that he might just have a chance to get out of there alive before Shizuo could finish him off; _if_ the brute was there to finish him off. Just because Shizuo looked like shit, it didn't mean that the beast wouldn't be able to throw him out the window without breaking a sweat. He couldn't be sure how much the protozoan knew about what was going on, but it didn't matter because Shizuo had plenty of reasons to finish him off anyway and he didn't want to risk it. Still, Izaya couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of the beast waking up so soon after his visit. "How's your chest?" he asked, smirking. "I wanted to leave you a goodbye present, since I'm leaving and all that."

It took Shizuo everything he had to not charge at Izaya and twist the bastard's neck, and as stood there, glaring at the man with so much hatred that his limbs were shaking harder than before with the effort it took to hold himself back, Shizuo realized that using force wouldn't get him anything because Izaya played dirty and used the people Shizuo loved against him. The fact that Izaya knew about the DVD and the fact that Kasuka was still missing meant that the son of a bitch was willing to pay any price if it got him the revenge he'd always wanted.

Shizuo realized then, as he watched Izaya pull out his switchblade and flicking it open while smirking wildly, that Izaya was ready to fight him to the death; and he had an epiphany. The only way to save Kasuka was to give the flea what the bastard had always wanted. Slowly, Shizuo raised his arms to his sides and closed his eyes. "I won't fight back, so please just let my brother go."

Without lowering the switchblade, Izaya started laughing in disbelief. "Do you think I'm stupid?" he finally asked, now pouting a bit because the idiot was insulting his intelligence by assuming he'd go after the freak even if it meant ruining his own life.

"I think you're a lot of things, you goddam bastard, but stupid isn't one of them," Shizuo admitted, still not opening his eyes. Unfortunately, in his state, with his thoughts still pretty jumbled up and the haze he was constantly feeling not going away anytime soon, Shizuo had assumed that Izaya was talking about him having offered up his life as being a trap.

At Shizuo's confession, Izaya's pout turned into a smirk. For some reason, the idea of toying with Shizuo for a bit instead of explaining the situation right away as he should've, sounded extremely appealing. He guessed that it was that small sadistic part of him wanting to have a bit of fun, and yet he couldn't deny how irritated he felt about the whole situation. "And you think that me taking your pathetic life is enough to satisfy me?" he hissed the question. "If I wanted your life, I could've taken it back at the hospital, but you see, your life is no longer enough," he announced, now confident that the idiot couldn't kill him as long as he believed that his archenemy had taken his brother.

"It seemed to be enough when you stabbed me and left me to bleed to death," Shizuo growled the words and opened his eyes, itching to ball his hands into fists and punch Izaya until the bastard's skull caved in. Unfortunately, he knew that such a thing wouldn't get him anything, so instead he lowered his arms, swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth and knelt down on the floor, choosing to humiliate himself by begging in the hope of saving his little brother. "Please let my brother go."

Izaya's jaw fell and it took him a few moments to come back to his sense and realize that Heiwajima Shizuo, the man who had broken him, was down on his knees, choosing to humiliate himself if it meant saving his brother. He should've felt happy that Shizuo was begging, but all he felt was burning anger because it wasn't supposed to happen this way. "You… _you!"_ Izaya hissed in a voice laced with spite and bitterness as he tightened his hold around the switchblade's handle and moved in Shizuo's direction until he was standing in front of the man.

"I'll do anything, just please let him go," Shizuo repeated as he looked up at the man whose eyes burned with such hatred that only Shizuo's enmity towards him would ever be able to match it in intensity. Normally, Shizuo wouldn't have had a problem with confronting the man, but with Kasuka missing, he felt utterly powerless. No, he was utterly powerless. The DVD was useless. In fact, if released, it would only do more bad than good, so without hesitation, he pulled it out of his jacket and handed it to a rather shocked Izaya who took it in his right hand, eyes wide in disbelief.

"Is this…?"

Shizuo nodded. "Please let Kasuka go. I'll do anything. I won't fight back. You can do whatever you want, just please don't hurt him," he begged again, his eyes starting to burn with the beginning of tears. The humiliation, the hopelessness, it was all too much. Taking advantage of the fact that Izaya was shocked, his arm shot forward and he wrenched the switchblade out of Izaya's hand, making the man yelp in fear and move backwards until he hit the desk, those red eyes widening like never before.

"W-What are you doing?" Izaya stuttered, holding the DVD tightly to his chest.

Without answering, Shizuo turned the switchblade in his palm so that the tip was pointed in his direction. "You don't even have to dirty your hands; I'll do it myself. Just please let my brother go. I should've died when you left to me to bleed anyway. You said it yourself. I need to die so that no more people will end up suffering because of me."

Stunned by the development, Izaya couldn't say a word. All he could think about was that he no longer had to leave Tokyo.

"Will you let my brother go?" Shizuo asked in a shaky voice. He tried to blink away the tears but it didn't work and he felt them run down his cheeks, increasing the embarrassment he already felt tenfold. It didn't matter though, because the way he saw it, he was trading his life for Kasuka's.

Izaya couldn't tear his eyes away from Shizuo's broken expression, red orbs watching intently as the tears ran down the beast's face. Shizuo looked pathetic, weak, disgusting; nothing like a monster. If anything, the idiot reminded him of those weak humans Izaya had easily broken in the past. A part of him enjoyed the sight while another didn't, for reasons he couldn't even begin to understand. It felt wrong, seeing his once favorite toy admit defeat, get down on its knees and beg, but what he felt the most was anger. His until then wide eyes slowly narrowed into slits and he pocketed the switchblade before dropping the DVD, crushing it beneath the sole of his shoe and making his way to Shizuo.

"Ne, Shizu-chan, do you know what bothers me?" he asked, but before Shizuo could even think about giving an answer, Izaya kicked the blade out of those disgustingly thin fingers and punched the moron in the face, relishing the pain he experienced as his knuckles collided with Shizuo's cheek. "What bothers me is that you didn't do this after you raped me; that you didn't get down on your knees and begged for forgiveness." Another punch followed and this time Shizuo's bottom lip split, but the man still didn't fight back. "It bothers me a lot," he hissed and backed away a bit, kicking Shizuo in the face and breaking his nose. "If you had done it, I might've just killed you right away, and then Kasuka and your friends wouldn't have suffered as much."

"I'm s-sorry," Shizuo tried to apologize even as he was chocking on the blood filling his mouth.

"Are you really?" Izaya asked and punched Shizuo again, this time hard enough to send him crumbling to the floor. The brute tried to get up, but Izaya didn't let him. He kicked him in the stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs, again and again until Shizuo was desperately gasping for breath. He then bent down, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up a bit, laughing as he viciously punched the man who had shown him that he was not a god. The skin on his knuckles split and Izaya thought he might've broken his hand because it really hurt, but he couldn't stop, not when the droplets of blood landing on his face from how hard he was hitting Shizuo would never be enough to make up for what the beast had done to him.

"I'm s-sorry," Shizuo apologized yet again and spat out the tooth he'd nearly swallowed by accident, overcome by nausea and blinding pain.

Izaya suddenly stopped laughing and he released Shizuo, the beast collapsing on the ground as though it had no strength left to so much as move a finger. He straightened his back, red eyes fixed on the beast twitching on the floor and chocking on blood.

"Your guilt will be your past, and that will be your God," Izaya declared moments before he kicked Shizuo in the head, hard enough to send the beast plummeting into unconsciousness.

For a while, Izaya just stood there, panting until his breathing went back to normal and the only thing that could be heard was the sound of Shizuo's blood dripping off his quivering fingers and hitting the floor.

_Drip. Drip. Drip._


	68. Disgraced Beast

_A/N: -Guest on Chapter 38: Thank you very much for the compliment. I hoped you liked the rest of the chapters too. :)_

_-Potato: Ah, I could kill them but no, I don't really want to do that. ;n;_

* * *

><p>As he continued to gaze upon the crumpled, bleeding and unconscious form, Izaya couldn't deny that it had felt satisfying to beat the shit out of Shizuo. He wasn't one to get into fistfights ― or in this case, punch and kick someone until they passed out ― but Shizuo had had it coming for a long time now and psychologically torturing the man, <em>no, the beast,<em> didn't seem to have been enough to satisfy his thirst for blood. It looked like sometimes actual blood needed to be spilled before someone could even begin to put things behind and move forward. It made sense, considering how much of that crimson liquid, _and tears,_ Izaya himself had shed at the hands of a violent brute who thought it'd be a good idea to humiliate him in one of the worst possible ways anyone could ever degrade a fellow human being.

In the past, Izaya might've thought of himself as being weak for giving in to the urge of wanting to physically hurt Shizuo, but that Orihara Izaya was long since dead and the person left behind, the one built from ground up out of the pieces he'd managed to slowly recover after the trauma of being broken by a beast, felt no regrets towards what he'd just done.

He'd tried to become someone new by taking Heiwajima Shizuo out of the picture, but the nightmares and the guilt he still refused to admit ever having felt made him realize that running away from the problem instead of facing it head on would not solve a single thing. The main reason why Izaya had wanted Shizuo dead was to avoid further hurting Shinra, but choosing to get rid of the beast instead of trying to control himself was like admitting defeat and that wasn't the Orihara Izaya he wanted to become. With Shizuo alive, even as the crimson liquid continued to drip off his fingers, it felt as though he had less blood on his hands than back when he believed the beast to be dead. His heart felt lighter, knowing he was less of a monster.

"I may no longer be able to become a god to my humans, but I will be your God, Shizu-chan," Izaya declared solemnly as his red eyes shone not with malice, but with what he considered to be divine justice.

Without so much as wiping the blood off his hands, Izaya turned around, stomped on the DVD a couple more times for good measure and then sat down in his desk chair, eyes fixed on the unconscious beast. Shizuo looked so pathetic that Izaya couldn't believe that the passed out _thing_ on the floor of his apartment was the same monster from that night. On second thought, it made sense that months of psychological torture combined with a good beating would do that to a person, even if said person happened to be Ikebukuro's strongest. Izaya had chipped away at his enemy's will to live day by day ― even when he wasn't there to remind Shizuo what kind of monster he was ― and now the once dangerous beast was merely a shadow of its former self, much like Izaya himself.

"What goes around, comes around," he uttered softly. There was a nagging voice inside his head telling Izaya that it applied to him as well, but he pushed it back down, not wanting to ruin his relatively good mood.

With still quivering fingers, Izaya reached for the phone on his desk to call Fujita Shizuka, but halfway there he changed his mind and pulled it back, worried that he might end up telling her too much. Even now, Izaya still found it hard to talk to someone about himself, probably because people had always been so quick to judge him. The last thing he needed was for one more person to imply that it'd been his fault, not only when it came to the rape, but everything else as well.

At least no one ― _besides Shizu-chan, the neanderthal_ ― had outright stated that it'd been his fault. If they had, they would've stopped breathing; Izaya would've made sure of that.

In the end, he still picked up the phone.

_"__Good afternoon, Nakura-san."_

"Good afternoon to you too, Fujita-san. I apologize for ending our discussion so abruptly last time we talked, but I was in a hurry to get somewhere," Izaya said, cringing a bit when the phone nearly slipped out of his hand because of the blood.

_"__I understand. I, for example, wouldn't have picked up if I wasn't on break right now. It's what happens when you refuse to come in for regular sessions like everyone else."_

"I'm not like everyone else," Izaya stated, smiling a bit.

_"__No one is like everyone else, Nakura-san. We're all unique individuals in our own ways."_

Izaya gripped the phone tighter, pouting at her comment. "Is Fujita-san trying to bait me into declaring how special I think I am?"

_"__You seem like a smart individual; figure it out yourself."_

Chuckling, Izaya leaned back into his chair and began to swivel in it. "Aren't you a bit too weird for a therapist?" he asked, smile widening.

_"__Am I now?"_

"Fujita-san is so mean, always trying to avoid answering my questions!" Izaya complained.

_"__But isn't that what you do whenever we talk?"_

Izaya couldn't see her face, but he was certain the woman was smirking. "Oh, I see. I see. You got me, Fujita-san~. I'll try to answer one of your questions, but be gentle, ne?"

_"__I always am. Let's start with, how are you doing right now?"_

Grateful for the simple question, Izaya stopped swiveling in his chair to look at the passed out beast again. "I'm actually feeling great right now, even if I did something that I wouldn't have normally done in the past," he confessed, still immensely enjoying the sight.

_"__People change, and if they're lucky, it's for the best."_

A frown replaced the smile. "What if they are forced to change?"

_"__Have you, Nakura-san, been forced to change?"_

No answer.

_"__It's fine if you don't want to answer the question right now,"_ Fujita Shizuka spoke in a soft, gentle voice.

"Aren't we all forced to change because of the different things happening in our lives?" Izaya said, feeling slightly embarrassed for freezing after hearing the question which hit deeply because Shizuo didn't only change him, but took him apart until the only things left were blood, tears and the bone-chilling fear.

_"__You're answering a question with another question again, but like I said, you don't have to answer if you don't―"_

"Yes; the answer is yes," Izaya admitted reluctantly.

At that point, Fujita Shizuka didn't know if asking a second question would be a good idea, especially when it came to people like Nakura who obviously needed help but still refused to cooperate most of the time, but she had nothing to lose so in the end she took a chance. _"Was it by circumstances or by a person?"_

Izaya dug quivering fingers deeper into the desk chair's armrest, so hard that his nails hurt. He wanted to answer so badly but at the same time he didn't. Before he could make up his mind though, the words flew out of his mouth. "By the person bleeding on my floor right now," Izaya said in one breath. A gasp followed the confession―_why did I say it? I shouldn't have said it_— and Izaya pulled the phone away from his ear so fast that it slipped out of his fingers, fell on the floor and slid under the desk. In the next second he jumped to his feet, trembling while staring at the phone.

_"__Nakura-san, are you still there? Please answer me!"_

Instead of answering, Izaya dropped to his knees, crawled under the desk, grabbed the phone and ended the call. Luckily, the woman couldn't call him back since he always used a hidden number whenever he talked to her. Cursing under his breath, he got up, placed the phone on the desk and slumped back in his desk chair. He regretted opening his mouth, but then again, mentioning a possibly beaten or dead man on the floor of his apartment wasn't the worst thing he could've started therapy with. As if on cue, a pained moan came from Shizuo's direction and Izaya jumped back to his feet, startled by the sound.

The moan was followed by something sounding much like chocking as Shizuo struggled to breathe past the overflowing blood filling his mouth and nose. It hurt to try so hard when the entire left side of his face was pulsing in agonizing pain and his brain felt like it was about ready to explode, but slowly suffocating to death seemed like a far worse fate than having to endure the pain strong enough to nearly make him forget his own name as it invaded his mind and overrode everything else.

Normally, Izaya would've pulled out his switchblade and gotten ready for a fight, but Shizuo was looking too pathetic to even be considered a threat. It was like watching an injured dog trying to get up and failing, only succeeding in raising its head for a bit before the pain would become too much and it'd simply collapse under the weight of exhaustion. Sadly, Izaya knew too well what it was like to be beaten like a dog and then left to bleed on the ground. Calmly, he took a step in Shizuo's direction, and then another, until he was standing beside the fallen beast.

"What am I going to do with you?" Izaya asked, not really expecting an answer. Truth be told, he hadn't expected Shizuo to be this weak, but it made sense, considering how the idiot had been in a coma for about two months. Normal people wouldn't even have been able to get up, and yet somehow, the brute had managed to not only do that, but to also find his way back to Tokyo and then to his archenemy's apartment.

"Sucks not being able to get up, doesn't it?"

The answer came in the form of a chocked whimper, pale yellow eyes opening slighting to gaze up at him. Scowling, Izaya wedged his foot underneath the too skinny body, raised it a bit and then pushed until Shizuo was lying on his side, some of the blood rushing out of the beast's mouth and nose under the force of gravity, thus making it easier for him to breathe. He then stepped over him and crouched down, red eyes staring intently at Shizuo who was looking back at him with what appeared to be an expression of gratitude mixed with fear.

"I don't think you'll be able to get home by yourself," Izaya concluded as he placed his elbows on his thighs and rested his chin on the back of his interlaced fingers.

"Ka…s-su-ka," Shizuo croaked the name, all the while fighting to push back the nausea crashing into him in waves every time more blood, smelling and tasting too much like copper, slid down his throat. "P-Plea…se," he begged again, fresh tears starting to gather in his eyes. A fit of coughing followed a few moments later and Shizuo couldn't have been more surprised when Izaya grabbed him and maneuvered him to a sitting position, once again going out of his way to help him breathe.

"Before you start again," Izaya said, sounding irritated, "I don't have your precious Kasuka."

"W-What?" Shizuo exclaimed, stunned, and coughed some more.

"I never did," Izaya continued with a long sigh. "I wasn't even in Tokyo when it happened. Really, Shizu-chan, I knew you were stupid, but how can you be _this_ stupid?"

"But R-Ruri-san―"

"That bitch nearly ki―" Izaya started, almost making the mistake of telling Shizuo that Hijiribe Ruri was Hollywood. Luckily, he managed to stop himself in time. The beast didn't need to know, not yet anyway, especially when it was a juicy piece of information that Izaya could always use against Kasuka if the freak ever survived the kidnapping. "I didn't do it, okay?"

Shizuo's brows furrowed and he wanted to believe Izaya but at the same time he was afraid because the unknown sounded just as terrifying if not more. At least the position was helping him breath, even if the nausea was just as bad. "B-But―"

"Would you stop with the 'but' already?" Izaya snapped and shook Shizuo, an action he immediately regretted when the beast whimpered and the sound was followed by the idiot throwing up blood and what was most likely the little water he'd drank on his way back to Tokyo. "Ew, really?" Izaya cried in disgust but still maintained a firm grasp on Shizuo's shoulder.

"Sorry," Shizuo kept repeating between bouts of dry heaving while Izaya continued to hold him.

"You're really trying to live up to the name of 'disgusting beast,' aren't you?" Izaya mocked in a malicious voice and dug his nails deeper into Shizuo's shoulder before his right hand moved lower and he tapped him on the back.

"'m s-so…rry," Shizuo apologized yet again in a pained voice.

"It's fine, Shizu-chan, it really is. It's not that uncommon to throw up after a beating. I did too, you know? After you left; but I had no one to gently pat my back," Izaya confessed, making the beast flinch at his words. He realized then, as he continued to pat Shizuo's back, that he would probably never be able to stop trying to psychologically torture the beast since nothing brought out the sadist within him like Shizuo's guilt did.

"H-How can I t-trust you?" Shizuo asked, straining to speak. It felt as though someone was scrambling his brain with a spoon while the raw pain in his jaw adding to it was nearly driving him insane. As if that wasn't bad enough, two of his teeth felt loose and there was a hole where the one he'd lost was supposed to be. At that moment, he could honestly say he never would've imagined that Izaya could hit so hard.

"You can't," Izaya answered after giving it some thought, "but that's the truth, whether you believe it or not."

Shizuo closed his eyes when he felt the nausea return but they suddenly went wide when Izaya pulled his arm over a skinny shoulder and helped him stand. "F-Flea, I can't w-walk by myself," he told him, thinking that Izaya would throw him out of the apartment.

"Thank you for stating the obvious," Izaya mocked and started to drag Shizuo in the direction of the stairs.

"O-Oi, flea, w-what are you d-doing?" Shizuo stuttered, sounding a bit panicky.

"I can't have… a filthy beast… stinking up my apartment," Izaya declared as he struggled to move the beast upstairs. Even with the brute as skinny as he was, it still wasn't easy to drag a grown up man up the stairs.

Shizuo tried to wrench himself out of Izaya's hold, but he had no strength left and it led to his attempt miserably failing. "Flea, l-let… ugh… go." The nausea came back with a vengeance and Shizuo was worried that he might end up puking all over Izaya if the bastard flea didn't let him go. "S-Sick," he moaned as the walls started to spin around him much faster than before, but fortunately he had nothing left to throw up.

"Almost there," Izaya announced as he pushed open the bathroom door, panting heavily from the effort. Once inside, he lowered Shizuo on the floor and took a few moments to catch his breath.

"F-Flea, what are y-you…?"

A demonic smile spread across Izaya's face after he wiped the sweat off his forehead and he leaned above Shizuo, red eyes staring into confused yellow ones. "Don't go anywhere while I go get the butcher knife~" he sang as he turned on his heels and bounced out of the bathroom.

Overcome by panic, Shizuo could no longer think of anything besides the knife Izaya had mentioned. He wanted to believe that the bastard was joking, but he couldn't put it past the insect to throw him into the tub and start chopping off his limbs one by one; _while still alive!_

"Back~" Izaya announced in a singsong voice a couple of minutes later, startling an even paler than before Shizuo. "Aww, did Shizu-chan really think I'd chop him into tiny pieces? How adorably stupid," he cooed as he crouched in front of him and stuffed a few pills into his mouth, not without a fight mind you. "Would you stop it, you idiot?" Izaya growled in annoyance when Shizuo tried to spit them out, giving him no choice but to clamp a hand over the idiot's mouth. "They're for the pain," he declared and smacked Shizuo's hand away when the blond tried to grab his wrist. "I'm going to remove my hand now, and you're going to drink the water, okay?"

Reluctantly, Shizuo nodded, if only to get the heel of Izaya's palm away from his throbbing jaw. The glass touched his lips and he parted them, allowing the cool liquid to enter his mouth. Unfortunately, the water was too cold and he couldn't help but cry out in agony when it washed over his bleeding gums and loose teeth, the blinding pain enough to almost knock him unconscious.

"Oops," Izaya exclaimed but made no attempt to apologize since he didn't exactly feel bad for causing the beast more pain.

Everything was a hellish haze again and Shizuo was starting to wonder if he could rip off his own head and survive if it meant the pain would go away. He didn't have time to dwell on it though, because the panic quickly started to set in when Izaya grabbed his jacket and lowered the zipper. "Flea, e-what t-the hell are you d-doing?" he asked in a meek voice, but instead of answering, Izaya proceeded to completely take it off. "Flea!"

"Weren't you supposed to be Captain Obvious?" Izaya jeered while trying his hardest to not think about the fact that he was currently taking off his enemy's shirt.

"Just d-die," Shizuo growled. There was a time when he used to know Izaya well, but that Izaya was long since gone, killed by him, and the new one was someone unpredictable and quite terrifying in his thirst for blood. For all he knew, Izaya could just as well kill him or bathe him.

"Shizu-chan is so mean," Izaya complained and grabbed Shizuo's pants next, managing to pull them off even with the beast's pathetic attempts at stopping him. I'll be right back," Izaya announced and stood up. "I have to block the door somehow since a dumb brute broke the lock."

With no strength left to fight back, Shizuo could do nothing but shiver on the tiled cold floor of Izaya's bathroom, watching the insect walk away.

"Ah, and Shizu-chan?" Izaya added, poking his head inside.

"?"

"Keep your briefs on~"

Despite himself, Shizuo ended up shivering harder because of a certain memory involving Izaya, a switchblade, and the threat of castration. The terror from back then was quickly coming back and it felt as though his heart was trying to burst through his chest with how hard it was beating inside his ribcage, but it was nothing compared to the fear of knowing that his brother was out there, most likely in the hands of a psychopath if Izaya hadn't been the one to kidnap him. What if they were hurting him that very moment? What if―

"Good boy," Izaya chirped and patted the blonde mop of hair as one would a dog, the unexpected touch bringing Shizuo back to the present.

"What the f-fuck, f-flea?" Shizuo growled, top lip curling upwards and face burning with humiliation at the way he was being treated.

Chuckling, Izaya grabbed him, pulled him up and then pushed him into the tub, making the beast groan in pain as his weak knees collided with the hard surface.

Shizuo cursed under his breath but he couldn't fight off the flea when his muscles refused to listen to him and all they did was spasm or twitch randomly while his brain was suffering from perpetual vertigo. Cold water hit his feet and he would've shoved Izaya's head into the nearest wall if he could. Sadly, he couldn't, so he continued to lie there in the tub, feeling like shit while Izaya played with the water. "Should'a t-thrown me down the s-stairs instead."

Izaya gasped in mock-hurt. "Moi?! _Never!"_

"You're fucking c-crazy," Shizuo said in a much softer tone than intended since the hot water was doing wonders to his sore muscles. His eyelids felt as heavy as led but he refused to let them drop, especially in the presence of a fucked up flea crazy enough to slit his throat without a moment's notice. Unfortunately, it was becoming harder and harder to stay away with his energy long since sapped out of his body and the heat permeating every cell urging him to let go and sleep. He fought for a while longer, but eventually he succumbed to its pull and fell asleep around the time he felt Izaya's fingers in his hair, massaging the scalp lightly.


	69. The Insight and the Catharsis

_A\N: -phyllite: I'm happy you did. :)_

_(Spoiler for Durarara! X2 Ep. 18) -Guest who commented on ch. 51: I knew that Shinra would get attacked by Adabashi since a while ago, so I used that into the story, even if I didn't know the exact details of how it would happen. ^^_

* * *

><p>Izaya let out a sound of frustration as he continued to struggle with what appeared to be the impossible task of taking his ring off. His hand was swollen, fingers looking like sausages, and because of that he was worried that he might have no choice but to get the ring cut off. He could no longer form a fist and now that the adrenalin appeared to have worn off, he was thinking more and more that a bone in his hand must've snapped while punching Shizuo since it hurt too much and he couldn't move his pinky without pain shooting up his arm.<p>

"Stupid beast, why's your face so hard?" Izaya whined, finally giving up on taking off the ring. If he hadn't been able to do it in the shower, after pouring a generous amount of liquid soap on it, then he doubted he could before the swelling went down a bit. In hindsight, he realized that he probably shouldn't have punched Shizuo with such viciousness, if only to spare himself the trouble of having to deal with a swollen and most likely broken hand.

Sighing, he lied down on the couch and closed his eyes, exhaustion finally getting to him. Touching Shizuo and even washing the idiot ― not below the waist, never ― had been one of the hardest things he ever had to do, but pushing himself to carry the beast upstairs for a bath was his way of facing the dread he felt whenever Ikebukuro's monster was anywhere near him. Normally, he wouldn't have been able to do much about it, but with Shizuo as weak as a newborn, it had been quite easy to forget how dangerous the blond could be.

There were in fact many reasons why he'd done it, one of them being to show Shizuo that he was better than him. By seeing the contrast between their actions, Shizuo would think of himself as even more of a beast than he already thought he was. Another reason was that while he could've called someone to pick up the beast, he didn't want others to know that he lost control like that and turned violent. He didn't exactly regret hurting Shizuo, but it didn't mean he was proud of it either. Orihara Izaya was known for using his brain, not his physical strength to bring down an enemy.

Either way, he no longer wanted Shizuo to die when the possibility of molding the utterly crushed beast into something new, something he could use, sounded like so much fun. Even after everything that had happened between them, Heiwajima Shizuo was still his favorite toy.

.

Kasuka was feeling both physically and mentally exhausted. Instead of sleeping, he spent the entire night trying to come up with a plan to escape. He'd fallen asleep sometimes after what he assumed was midnight but woke up soon after when he heard the sounds of approaching footsteps followed by the door handle being pressed. Slon never entered the small room ― as though he'd changed his mind ― but Kasuka could no longer sleep after that when all he could think about was Izaya and the possibility, _more like the certainty,_ that he'd end up like the Informant.

Kasuka could only hope that he wouldn't be as affected given how good he was at controlling his emotions. It would be another form of violence, but more disgusting; _infinitely more disgusting._ It'd be humiliating and it'd probably hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced before, _Izaya seemed to be in a lot of pain that night,_ but he'd be fine. He would; of course he would. Why wouldn't he?

_No, I won't,_ he eventually admitted as his eyes drifted over to the cuff attached to his ankle. He was fucked, figuratively, and he knew that soon he would be literally too. It was only a matter of time before Slon opened that door and attacked him. The man was far too big and far too strong and Kasuka couldn't properly fight when his knee still hurt so much that he couldn't stand on that leg for more than a couple of seconds at a time.

What he needed was a weapon, but there was nothing inside the room that could be used as one. His only hope of acquiring anything resembling a weapon was for Slon to bring him food and something to eat it with, be it a fork, a spoon or chopsticks. Either of them could be used to injure someone, though Kasuka was personally hoping for either chopsticks or a fork. He wasn't very fond of violence, but he had no problem with using it if the need arose. If taking out Slon's other eye was what needed to be done, then he would do it no matter how much he disliked the idea of thrusting something into another person's eye.

The sound of approaching footsteps made him sit up and ball his hands into fists, pulse picking up and heart pounding in his ears. He watched the door, transfixed, as Slon unlocked it, pushed it open and then walked inside, dread spiking up until he noticed the bowl of instant noodles the man was carrying.

"Thought you might be hungry," Slon said as he dragged the small table next to the bed and placed the bowl on top of it. Seeing how his prisoner wasn't saying anything and instead blankly staring at the food, Slon couldn't help but mock him. "What? You don't like the plastic fork?"

"The soup is cold," Kasuka remarked in his usual flat tone even though he was really starting to worry that he might not make it out of there in one piece before something really bad happened.

Slon sneered and leaned against the wall, folding his arms over his chest. "You expected it to be hot so that you could throw it in my face?"

"Yes," Kasuka answered without so much as batting an eye. He then picked up the fork and started eating, knowing that he needed the strength.

"You and that Orihara bastard are something," Slon remarked as he moved away from the wall, leaned forward and placed his hands on the tabletop, single eye narrowing into a slit when Kasuka ignored the proximity and continued to eat without a care in the world.

After a while, seeing how Slon wasn't backing away, Kasuka let go of the fork ― it looked too fragile to bee used as a weapon ― and raised his head to meet Slon's furious gaze. "Whatever happened between you and Izaya has nothing to do with me," he stated calmly.

The table started to creak with how hard Slon was pressing down on it, but Kasuka didn't break eye contact and instead continued to maintain it, waiting for the Russian to look away first. He had a feeling that Slon was toying with him and that he'd get jumped at the first sign of fear he showed.

"It has everything to do with you," Slon growled the words as his hand shot forward and he grabbed a fistful of black hair, the action barely startling the actor who continued to maintain the usual emotionless facade while staring at him. Without letting go, he raised his other hand and touched the bruised face, marveling at how pretty it was even after the beating it'd received. "That Orihara snake," he hissed the words as his hand traveled downwards, fingertips barely touching the soft skin of Kasuka's neck before he pulled them back and untangled his other hand from black silky locks. He fucking hated Izaya for playing him into getting obsessed with Hanejima Yuuhei. "Finish your food," Slon ordered as he straightened his back and leaned against the wall again.

Kasuka didn't need to be told twice. He picked up the fork and went back to eating, surprised himself that he'd managed to keep his ground. The soggy noodles didn't taste very good, but he needed the energy and he couldn't afford to be picky. "I'm done," he announced after drinking the soup too, placing the plastic fork inside the bowl and picking it up to hand it to his captor. He didn't think Slon would attack right after giving him food, and his assumption turned out to be right when the man grabbed the bowl and left the room, the sound of receding footsteps enough to slow down Kasuka's racing heart. He had no idea how much time he had until the man came back, but he knew that had to come up with a new plan as soon as possible, before Ruri and his family died of worry. For the first time since Shizuo had fallen into a coma, Kasuka was glad that his brother wasn't awake to know what was happening.

.

It was dark outside when Izaya woke up to the sounds of someone trying to push open the door. He'd blocked it with a chair earlier that day after Shizuo broke the lock and it seemed like he'd fallen asleep before he got the chance to call someone to fix it. He was about ready to go retrieve the switchblade from his desk drawer when he heard a familiar voice, one he hadn't heard in about two months. Smiling, he stood up from the couch and moved to open the door, but the thing burst open before he could reach it and he was met with the sight of two more people besides the one he expected to see.

"You'd think that someone who owns twenty phones could've at least picked one up to let me know that he wasn't dying in some ditch somewhere," Shinra hissed as he stomped in Izaya's direction and fisted a hand into his idiot friend's T-shirt.

Izaya laughed nervously. "I was busy, but look at you, you can walk!" Izaya said enthusiastically as he backed away a bit to enjoy the sight of his friend standing instead of lying broken in a hospital bed, at the same time ignoring the other two uninvited guests. Truth be told, he'd missed Shinra and he wasn't in the mood to deal with either Celty or Ruri when both monsters had tried to kill him before. Sadly, they didn't seem as inclined to ignore him, seeing as how both of them were flanking him from both sides, as though they were expecting him to make a run for it.

"Where is Shizuo-san?" Ruri asked in her usual monotone voice. She'd waited for Kasuka's brother to call and tell her about what he discussed with Izaya, but when the sun set and she still couldn't reach him, she concluded that something must've gone wrong. It was then when Ruri decided to call Celty and tell her everything since the two of them got along well and Celty knew where Izaya lived. The Dullahan was also acquainted with both Shizuo and Izaya much better than Ruri herself was and it seemed like a wise choice to take her along.

"Shizu-chan? He's sleeping~" Izaya answered in a singsong voice while surreptitiously slipping his right hand into the pocket of his pants. "He showed up earlier today, thinking I had something to do with Kasuka's disappearance, but he looked pretty weak and banged up so I took pity on him and told him he could crash at my place until he feels better."

Shinra let out a gasp of surprise while the smoke spilling from inside Celty's helmet suddenly froze.

"And before you ask, no, I did _not_ have anything to do with Kasuka's disappearance," he declared, pouting a little.

Shinra's smile fell and his expression turned serious. "I heard about it on the news."

"And?" Izaya asked, frowning.

Shinra gave him a confused look. "And what?"

"Do you think I did it?" Izaya continued with a sigh.

"No."

Izaya then turned to Celty who looked like she was dying to see Shizuo. "How about you, Courier-san?"

[Shinra assured me that you didn't.]

The corners of Izaya's lips curled upwards into a smirk. "So?"

[I trust Shinra,] was Celty's simple answer.

Feeling a bit relieved, Izaya turned to Ruri with a serious expression on his face. "Like I said, I had nothing to do with it." He then moved closer to her so that the other two couldn't hear his next words. "The DVD is gone," Izaya whispered into her ear, hoping to find out if Kasuka had made copies of it. "I assure you, it's for the best, for everyone involved."

"I understand," Ruri replied without so much as looking at him. There was no point in crying over spilled milk, and besides, Izaya couldn't have destroyed it if Shizuo hadn't allowed it, which meant that Kasuka's brother had reasons to believe that Orihara Izaya wasn't involved in the kidnapping. "I will find Yuuhei myself."

[I will help,] Celty offered, moving closer and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you." The more Ruri thought about it, the less sense it made for Orihara Izaya to kidnap Kasuka if that meant the DVD would be released. She'd thought about it before, but Izaya was a strange person that she couldn't read very well. He seemed like someone who'd put his safety above everything and everyone else, but at the same time he reminded Ruri of herself, the old Hijiribe Ruri willing to risk everything for the sake of dealing punishment to those who had hurt her. There was still the possibility that Izaya had done it but managed to get away with it by convincing the others that he wouldn't do it if it meant hurting himself, but it no longer mattered since the DVD was gone and bluffing seemed pointless when Izaya continued to maintain his innocence.

"I leave Shizuo-san in your hands now," Ruri uttered softly before she turned on her heels and walked out of the apartment, knowing that her friend would make sure Kasuka's brother would be safe.

Celty waited until Ruri was out of sight before approaching Izaya who in the meantime had sat down in his desk chair. [Ruri-san told me everything.]

Izaya placed his elbow on the armrest and rested his chin on the back of his hand. "I see. Anything else?" he asked, chuckling a bit.

[I want to see Shizuo, _now_.]

Izaya sighed and stood up. "He's upstairs, but I suggest you wait here for a bit until Shinra takes a look at him."

"What?! I don't want to see him," Shinra declared and tried to tear himself out of Izaya's hold when his friend grabbed him by the arm and started pulling him towards the stairs. He had a feeling that Shizuo would break one or more of his limbs for giving Izaya the means to take away his ability to move, and Shinra didn't want his limbs to get broken again so soon after finally healing; or ever for that matter. "Please stop," Shinra begged when they reached the top of the stairs and Izaya roughly pulled him in the direction of the bedroom. "I'm too young to die," he cried in a low enough voice so that Celty wouldn't hear him.

"You'll be fine," Izaya said right before he opened the door and dragged his friend inside, Shinra's struggles only ceasing when grey eyes fell upon the sleeping blond.

Shizuo was lying in bed, with several towels underneath him and wearing nothing but his briefs. "He's not dead, is he?" Shinra asked, frowning, as he carefully made his way to the bed after Izaya closed the door and finally released him.

"He's still very much alive," Izaya declared, leaning against the door.

"Did he really get into a fight on his way here or did you…?" Shinra asked after seeing the many bruises littering Shizuo's body, especially the face.

Ignoring the question, Izaya moved away from the door and started rummaging through the closet for anything that would fit a dumb protozoan. "Help me put some clothes on him," he requested of Shinra who was just standing there, staring at the blond while wearing an expression of shock mixed with disgust.

When the question registered in his mind, Shinra turned to Izaya. "Why do I have to?" he complained and tried to make a run for the door, but Izaya caught him and dragged him back, smacking the idiot over the head for trying to bail on him like that.

"Stop being a baby and help me put these on him," Izaya growled in annoyance as he pointed to the sweatpants and the T-shirt he'd thrown on the bed earlier.

"But I don't want to!" Shinra whined and continued to struggle to get away, only to stop when Izaya let out a pained cry after Shinra grabbed him by the hand to push him away. It was then when he finally noticed the bruised and swollen hand, as well as the split skin covering the knuckles. "Oh, so it was _you!"_ Shinra exclaimed in surprise. He never would've expected Izaya to use his fists instead of a switchblade, or that Shizuo would allow anyone to hit him like that when the man was known for easily losing his temper. It was the only reasonable explanation for Izaya's lack of injuries besides the damaged hand.

"Look, I don't want to do it myself," Izaya confessed. Taking Shizuo's clothes had been disturbing enough and he wanted the beast dressed already since it made him uncomfortable to know that the idiot was sleeping in his bed wearing nothing but a pair of briefs.

"Why would you even do this?" It made no sense to Shinra when he knew how much Izaya hated Shizuo. "Besides, wasn't he supposed to be _dead?"_

Izaya picked up the sweatpants and threw them in Shinra's direction, which surprisingly enough, caught them. "I don't know."

"Did you tell him that I…?" His voice died on his lips when Izaya nodded, confirming what Shinra already suspected. "You asshole!" he hissed and threw the pants back at Izaya who caught them and placed them on the bed. "Now he's going to kill me when he wakes up," Shinra cried out in fear, hands quivering slightly.

Sighing, Izaya grabbed Shizuo's left arm and slipped it through the T-shirt's sleeve. "He won't. He's got more important things to worry about, like finding his brother."

Annoyed that Izaya was being an idiot, Shinra grabbed him by the arm and shook him a bit. "Why are you doing _this?"_ he growled while pointing to the passed out beast with his other hand. "You forgot what this monster did to you?"

"I didn't," Izaya spoke calmly, red eyes meeting dark grey ones.

"Then why?" Shinra asked again, grip tightening around Izaya's arm. "If this was the bastard who tortured me, I would've chopped him to pieces."

Izaya grimaced because of the tight grip on his arm but made no attempt to free himself. Instead, his eyes narrowed into slits and he returned Shinra's murderous glare. "You think that I don't want to torture him? Oh, there are so many ways I could make him scream! I even thought about cutting off his dick or hiring a few men to fuck him to near death, but that's not going to make me feel better. You know why?"

Shinra shook his head and his grip loosened but he still didn't let go. Hearing Izaya talk about violence like that sounded foreign since Izaya preferred mind games as opposed to physical torture, but Shinra couldn't blame the man after he himself had been a victim of violence.

"Because I don't want to become a monster like him," Izaya confessed, this time pushing Shinra away so that he could finish putting the T-shirt on Shizuo.

"Fine, I understand that part, but why not throw him out?" Shinra asked, sounding annoyed as he picked up the sweatpants, finally making up his mind to help out.

"It's because I want to engrave the image of this weak Shizuo into my mind," Izaya revealed before continuing in a low voice. "Because I'm tired of being angry… and afraid."

The last two words were spoken in a low voice, but Shinra was still able to make them out. A wave of empathy washed over him but he said nothing; he too knew what fear felt like.

"For the longest time I saw Shizuo as this unbeatable monster, but look at him now!" Izaya started, frown deepening. "He's just like a human, so weak that he couldn't even get up after I was done venting my anger."

"He'd been in a coma before you beat him up, Izaya," Shinra reminded him with a long sigh. "Normal people wouldn't even be able to move afterwards, and some might even have brain damage."

Izaya moved a few strands of bleached hair out of Shizuo's face to reveal the scar on the right side of the temple. "I didn't do this. I only stabbed him, but this might be why he fell into a coma."

Intrigued by the revelation, Shinra leaned forward to take a closer look. "Either someone hit him or he fell and hit his head on something," he mused before he went back to what he was doing.

"That's what I thought."

"Was he coherent?"

"Surprisingly so, but he seemed a bit out of it," Izaya recalled, looking pensive.

Shinra slipped an arm underneath Shizuo's waist and pulled the sweatpants up surprisingly skinny legs and hips while Izaya pulled out the towels from beneath Shizuo. "All done," he muttered unhappily and covered Shizuo with the blanket lying on the bed next to the unconscious form. Sighing, he walked up to Izaya and carefully captured the swollen hand so that he could take a look at it.

"Aren't you going to check Shizu-chan, to see what's wrong with him?"

"I'm not his doctor," Shinra stated in a tired voice.

"But―"

"There's really nothing I can do for him. He'll be fine. He always is, isn't he?" No matter how injured Shizuo was at that moment, it couldn't be worse than when the blond had been shot and nearly bled to death. "Besides, I'm more worried about you," Shinra said, this time in a soft voice. "I was worried, thinking that something bad must've happened to you."

Feeling a bit guilty, Izaya lowered his head. "I needed some time away from everything after I found out that Shizu-chan hadn't died."

Izaya reminded him so much of a kicked puppy that Shinra felt bad for even mentioning it. He was about to tell Izaya that he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to when he heard a knock on the door. "You can come in now," he told his beloved who had apparently lost her patience and decided that she could wait no longer.

As Celty walked in and she saw Shizuo, for the first time in a long time, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. All this time she had blamed herself for pushing both Shizuo and Izaya away when she should've tried harder to help them, but Shizuo was still alive and that meant a second chance for her to make things right. She would not run away again.

"We'll be downstairs," she heard Shinra's voice followed by the sound of the door closing, but Celty couldn't look away from Shizuo's bruised face.

_I'll do my best to help you both,_ Celty thought as she ran a hand through Shizuo's hair. _I promise._


	70. Burden of the Past

_A/N: -Potato: Oh, I see. I'm glad to hear that. ^^_

* * *

><p>Shizuo groaned as he slowly turned to his side, head still pounding. His cheek had just touched the pillow when blinding pain flared up his jaw, forcing him to pull away while he moaned in agony as his eyelids fluttered open and he blinked repeatedly, trying to make out any shape in the engulfing darkness. After a while, his eyes got accustomed to it and he was finally able to tell that he was inside a room, one he did not recognize.<p>

Slowly, he stood up on unsteady legs and made his way to the door, pressing the handle with a trembling hand and then careening into the hallway. This he recognized, and yet he couldn't understand what he was doing at Izaya's place. Confused, he headed in the direction of the stairs, using the wall as support while he kept trying to blink away the burn and sting in his eyes caused by the sudden burst of light.

He'd just reached the stairs and grabbed the rail when he caught sight of Izaya sitting at his desk, apparently sleeping. "Oi, flea," Shizuo tried to shout, but his voice sounded too weak and said flea did nothing besides uncaringly continuing to sleep. Cursing under his breath, Shizuo grabbed the rail and carefully made his way downstairs, more and more memories coming back to him and nearly making his heart stop when he recalled that his brother had been kidnapped and that the reason he'd gone to Izaya was to beg him to give Kasuka back.

Oh, he'd begged alright, and then got beat up by a furious Izaya. Too many things had happened in a short amount of time and Shizuo almost felt like throwing up, but he fought the sensation as much as he could so that he wouldn't embarrass himself in front of Izaya again. He also remembered the flea's words, telling him that he should've gotten on his knees to beg for forgiveness for his sins, but the hatred for the man had never really disappeared and his own pride had stopped him from doing so. That wasn't the case when it came to Kasuka though. For his brother, Shizuo would do anything.

"Izaya," Shizuo tried again, face burning with humiliation as he recalled the events that took place before he'd fallen asleep; _or passed out._ The fact that Izaya hadn't thrown him out was a shock in itself, but seeing the flea sleeping, face looking rather peaceful when compared to the other two times Shizuo had seen him like that, was quite surprising. Izaya's right hand was bandaged and Shizuo found himself flinching at the memory of that fist repeatedly crashing into his face.

They needed to have a talk and since falling asleep at the desk didn't look very comfortable ― it certainly explained the small frown on that devilish visage ― he raised a hand and carefully placed it on Izaya's left shoulder. "Flea, we need to talk," he spoke in a louder voice, which was still low by normal standards, but Izaya didn't stir until Shizuo shook him a bit.

Red eyes opened wide, Izaya's expression changing from one of confusion, to one of fear and then finally settling on anger. The man looked terrifying and before Shizuo even had a chance to open his mouth, Izaya was upon him, an elbow colliding with his chest and a knee crashing into his most sensitive area, forcing a wail out of his throat and sending him plummeting to the floor.

Shizuo immediately curled in on himself, trembling hands covering his family jewels in order to protect them from further damage as he chocked on the intense pain, broken whimpers slipping past his lips once in a while no matter how hard he fought to keep them from climbing up his throat. He thought he heard Izaya say something, but his ears were ringing and all he could do was try to focus on breathing while the pain slowly lowered in intensity.

"I'm s-sorry" he uttered weakly, not even sure what he was apologizing for. All he knew was that he'd made Izaya angry and that he had to appease him before the man lost it and beat him to a bloody pulp again. Heiwajima Shizuo wasn't one to be scared of a beating, but he had a feeling that he might really die if it happened again given how weak he was. Even dying was fine, especially when he knew that he deserved it, but he couldn't afford to give his last breath before finding Kasuka and bringing him home safely.

Izaya, who until then had been looming over Shizuo, crouched down and fisted a hand into Shizuo's hair. "I'm going to say this once, so be sure to sear it into your protozoic brain. _Don't ever touch me again._ Do you understand?"

"Y-Yes," Shizuo answered in a high-pitched pained voice, heart speeding up when Izaya's expression changed from one of mixed anger and annoyance to a creepily cheerful one. Whenever Izaya put on a smile, Shizuo knew that something bad was bound to happen.

"Great~" Izaya said in a singsong voice as he released his grip on the blonde locks and grabbed Shizuo by the arm. "Now let's get you up."

Shizuo didn't fight it and instead allowed Izaya to do whatever he wanted. Standing was hard after such a vicious blow to his crotch area and walking was even harder, but he managed to reach the couch with Izaya's help, limping all the way there and then nearly collapsing on it the moment he was released. Groaning, he shifted to a more comfortable position and rested his head atop the back of the couch, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling for a while until he was certain that he could talk and sound more like his usual self. "Why did you help me?"

"Because you didn't help me," Izaya answered without hesitation. There were a lot of things he was planning to keep from Shizuo, but this wasn't one of them.

Frowning, Shizuo raised his head and turned to Izaya. "Is that the only reason?"

"Not exactly," Izaya admitted, serious expression now gone and replaced by a cheerful one. "There was this mutt bleeding on my floor and I couldn't help but take pity on it since it looked so pathetic."

Shizuo growled low in his throat but said nothing, knowing that Izaya wasn't far from the truth since it felt as though he barely had enough energy to stay awake, let alone get up and go look for Kasuka. "What do you know about what happened to my brother?"

"I was on vacation, enjoying my time away from your comatose body, your freak of a brother and his equally freakish girlfriend when I saw―"

"Wait, what?" Shizuo interrupted Izaya, straightening his back and staring at the man with a look of utter shock on his face.

Izaya tilted his head to the side, looking confused. "Huh?"

"I was in a coma?!"

At first, Izaya could do nothing but blink, until he got past how idiotic Shizuo could be and he started laughing. "Mhm, for about two months." Izaya answered once he was able to breathe again. He was tempted to call Shizuo a 'Sleeping Beast', but he refrained from doing so since he preferred the nickname 'mutt'. "You should've seen Kasu-chan, trying so hard to make everyone believe that you had died."

Shizuo's back had just touched the couch again when he heard Izaya's words and he jumped back up, once again shocked out of his mind. "Why would he… do that?" Izaya didn't answer, but the bloodthirsty gaze and the dangerous smirk were the only answer Shizuo ever needed. "About my brother…" Shizuo continued in an attempt to change the subject before Izaya changed his mind and decided to off him, "you really don't know anything?"

At this point, Izaya couldn't afford to screw up if he wanted things to go his way. No matter how often he insulted Shizuo, he knew the brute wasn't as dumb as he made him out to be. "I don't know anything. Like I said, I was enjoying my vacation when I heard about it on the news and I came back to Tokyo, suspecting that your brother's idiotic girlfriend might release the video thinking I had something to do with the kidnapping."

"That thing needed to disappear." The mere memory of that video made his heart ache and Shizuo didn't even want to imagine what it would've been like if other people saw it too, especially his family ― his mother particularly. He'd caused them a lot of grief and he didn't want his parents to know what their youngest son had been put through because of a worthless older brother. He'd assumed Kasuka had destroyed it back when the thing disappeared from his apartment, but he should've known that his brother would keep it and use it against Izaya if he ever felt there was a need. "Two months, huh…?"

Izaya nodded. "Shizu-chan, do you remember who helped you get to the hospital?"

Shizuo closed his eyes, trying to recall what happened before he blacked out. "I remember seeing someone at the top of the stairs before I fell, but he didn't have a face."

"What are you talking about, Shizu-chan? Of course he had a face; everyone has one," Izaya spoke in an irritated tone. "Think harder."

Light brown eyes opened and locked with Izaya's red-tinted ones. "Look, I know that I was bleeding out and stuff, but the guy had no face. I'm sure," Shizuo said, voice cracking towards the end. His mouth was dry but he was reluctant to drink water when he still clearly remembered the brain-melting pain caused by the liquid touching his loose teeth back when Izaya had given him a couple of pills.

"That's helpful," Izaya commented sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry I can't clearly remember everything I saw while bleeding out," Shizuo replied in an equally sarcastic tone. "Look, just give me back my clothes so that I can leave."

"I don't have them anymore~"

"What the hell? What did you do with them?" Shizuo snapped, glaring murder at the bastard flea smirking at him.

"While I may have aided a beaten mutt, I'm not generous enough to wash said mutt's clothes on top of the mutt itself," Izaya answered, tone dripping with disgust.

Shizuo's expression softened, realizing that it couldn't have been easy for Izaya to do the things he did. "You're right, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Izaya assured him, doing his best to sound sincere as he made his first move. "I'll ask our psychotic Dullahan 'friend' to bring you some clothes, though I don't understand why you insist on leaving when you can barely walk by yourself."

Shizuo shot him a disbelieving look. "I have to find my brother."

"Whoever took him didn't do it for the money, seeing as how no ransom has yet been demanded. Anyway, I doubt you'll ever find your brother again, and if you do, he'll probably be―"

"Shut up! I'll find him, and if I can't, then the police… why the hell are you laughing, bastard?"

"You must be an idiot if you think the police will find him. My informant inside the police department knows a guy working on the case and he said they have no clue regarding the identity of the person who took your brother. They can't even find the van used in the kidnapping. As for you," Izaya continued mockingly, "you're not smart enough to do it. Finding someone requires certain skills and connections, not brute strength. You're simply not smart enough to track down what's most likely a psychopath with a Hanejima Yuuhei obsession."

Shizuo's shoulders drooped as Izaya's words registered in his head, but it made him realize something and his eyes went wide as he stared at the Informant with hope. "You can help me find him."

_Bingo,_ Izaya thought as he fought to contain the deep glee he was feeling on the inside. "While I love the idea of finding your brother's corpse and then watching you as your soul crumbles to dust, I still think I'll refuse. I'm busy, and I can't afford to waste any more time on you and your brother."

"Busy? You're not doing anything, flea!" Shizuo sneered.

"Eh? Of course I am," Izaya replied in a whiny voice, hoping that he'd sounded offended enough. "Taking revenge is a time-consuming business, and I already spent too much time on you when I should've been working. Shiki-san is more than a bit irritated by my absence and he expects me to make it up to him, not to mention that I have a long list of clients waiting for me to provide them with the information they've requested months ago."

"I'll pay!" Shizuo tried, but Izaya's skeptical look told him that he probably wouldn't have enough money to pay him anyway. "I'll do anything!" he blurted out without thinking, but at least Izaya appeared to be considering it, if the pensive look was any indication.

As he gazed upon the desperate beast, never before had Izaya have such a hard time containing the sadistic laughter threatening to erupt past his lips. "Hmm, I don't know..."

"You want me to beg, is that it?" Shizuo asked in a resigned voice, at that point willing to do almost anything if it meant getting his brother back. No matter how much Shizuo hated what Izaya did for a job, he couldn't deny that the flea was very good at getting information and finding people; like that time when he managed to find out that Erika was the person responsible for sending the note and the photo.

Cursing under his breath, he stood up and limped ― his dick still hurt like a motherfucker ― to the small area between the TV and the coffee table. His battered face burned with shame and he lowered his eyes and then his head, unable to further look Izaya in the eyes when the man was staring so intently at him. He kneeled rather abruptly, mostly because standing was just too exhausting and painful, and took a few deep breaths before opening his mouth. "Please help me find my brother."

For this one, Izaya put on a completely blank mask. He would not show any emotions; or so he hoped. "You do remember that you raped me, don't you?" He waited until Shizuo nodded before continuing. "And now you're asking me for help. In what universe does that make any sense?"

"I'm sorry about what I did to you," Shizuo apologized sincerely.

Suddenly, Izaya found it very hard to breathe. His hands were trembling so he quickly folded his arms over his chest and hid his hands from view so that Shizuo couldn't see them if he looked at him. The damn apology sounding too sincere, something he was grateful for but at the same time he despised.

"I _know_ that no matter what I say or do, I can _never_ give back what I took from you," Shizuo continued, and this time he raised his head to look Izaya in the eyes.

Startled, Izaya resembled a deer caught in the headlights for a few seconds, eyes wide and mouth agape. _That's right, Shizu-chan, you can never give me back my shattered pride, not after you watched me break by your own hands._ He couldn't say it out loud though, said shattered pride preventing him from further humiliating himself by telling Shizuo just how much he was still suffering because of that night. "You know what they say; you're not being sincere enough if your forehead isn't touching the ground," Izaya said in an attempt to sound like his usual sadistic bastard self while he fought to stop the tremors threatening to overcome him.

The feeling of humiliation Shizuo felt until then suddenly disappeared after seeing the look in Izaya's eyes and he placed his palms flat on the floor and lowered his forehead without hesitation, feeling it in his heart that it was the right thing to do. "I really am sorry."

Izaya stood up and walked over to Shizuo who was still groveling on the floor, body trembling in exhaustion. He bent down, grabbed Shizuo by the arm and helped him up. "I'll find your brother," he promised and moved to stand in front of the man who had ruined him. "But until I do," he then added as he raised a hand, grabbed a fistful of too long hair and forced Shizuo's head lower so that he could whisper in his ear, "I own you."

Shizuo's breath hitched and his eyes went wide but he remained silent even as the nauseating suspicion that he might've just fallen into one of Izaya's traps swept over him._If I can get my brother back, it doesn't matter;_ he tried to reassure himself as he swallowed the lump in his throat. _Nothing else matters._

.

Kasuka had only managed to fall asleep the night before after finally figuring out a way to escape. Gravely injuring Slon was not an option as long as he had no weapon, which meant that the only thing left for him to do was to kill his captor. It wouldn't be easy and there was a high chance that he would fail because of how much stronger the Russian man was, but Kasuka had no choice in the matter. It beat sitting around and waiting for the inevitable. Beneath the blanket covering his lap, his right hand tightened around the chain and yet his face remained expressionless as the sounds of approaching footsteps, followed by those of the door being unlocked and the handle being pressed, rang louder and louder in his ears.

"I think it's time we have a talk," Slon said as he closed the door and turned to his prisoner. The actor was just staring at him, not saying a word, so Slon made his way to the bed and reclined against the wall, now facing the man. "I'll ask you a few questions and you're going to answer them if you know what's good for you."

Talking wasn't exactly what Kasuka had been expecting, but he nodded nonetheless to buy more time until he found an opportunity to attack.

Slon raised a finger. "First question: why did Orihara Izaya try to get you raped?" Seeing as he got no answer, he raised another finger and continued. "Second question: what's your relationship with that man? Third question: what is really going on between that Orihara scum and your brother?"

"I have a question too," Kasuka interrupted him.

"I'm listening," Slon said as he lowered his arm.

"Why didn't you ask Izaya these questions instead of going through the trouble of kidnapping me?"

"Because every word that comes out of that man's mouth is a lie," Slon answered, gritting his teeth and unconsciously balling both hands into fists. "Now answer the questions."

"Izaya tried to hurt me in order to hurt my brother. The two of them have been enemies since high school." It wasn't the whole truth, but it was the truth nonetheless.

Slon snorted and shook his head in disapproval. "And here I thought, thinking we were just starting to get along."

"It's the truth," Kasuka stated calmly, but his grip around the chain tightened further.

"I highly doubt Izaya woke up one day and thought it'd be fun to spend a whole month trying to get me interested in you, only to change his mind at the last moment and risk his life in the process. There had to be a catalyst," Slon concluded.

There was one alright, but Kasuka had no intention of telling anyone what Shizuo had done.

"But here's the funny thing. My partner and I have been following Izaya whenever we could and one night I happened to see him going up to your brother's apartment and spending the night there. Are they secret lovers? Did your brother cheat on him and that Izaya bastard tried to take revenge by hurting you? Are they actually only enemies and your brother did something bad enough to force Izaya to take such a drastic measure? Which one is it?" Slon asked as he pushed himself away from the wall and started pacing the small room.

Finally getting the opportunity he'd been waiting for when his captor turned his back on him, Kasuka pushed the blanket away, jumped to his feet, threw the chain around Slon's neck, taking him by surprise, and started pulling in the direction of the door after somehow managing to get past the angry man, using all the strength he could muster to hopefully choke him to death. Seeing the Russian struggling to slip a hand between his own neck and the chain forced Kasuka to pull harder, blood flowing down his hands and dripping down on the floor as the metal tore into his skin.

He could barely hear the chocking sounds Slon was making with how hard his heart beat, face twisting with the effort he was putting into killing the man. He was just thinking about how close he was to succeeding and that he would soon be able to go home to Ruri, that there was no way for Slon to get out of this one alive, but the man proved him wrong when he grabbed the chain with both hands and roughly pulled on it, the sudden movement causing Kasuka to trip and fall because of his bad knee. Slon was upon him before he could recover, cursing words accompanying the vicious blows raining down upon his body.

"Сукин сын бля, уебанок хуев; ебаный ублюдок!"

Kasuka raised his arms in an attempt to protect his face, but a savage kick to the head stunned him before he could do it and the last thing he saw and felt before he slipped into unconsciousness was the horror of Slon pulling away at his yukata.


	71. The Serpent's Lair

After spending most of the day looking for clues on Kasuka's whereabouts and not finding any, the only thing on Celty's mind as she paced around the living room was that leaving Shizuo alone with Izaya had been a huge mistake. She'd done it because Shinra assured her that Izaya wouldn't try to kill Shizuo again, and yet she couldn't get rid of this unsettling feeling that something bad was bound to happen since those two were not known to act or talk like civilized people when around one another. She heard a sigh coming from somewhere on her right and that's when she remembered that Shinra was in the room with her, watching but not really watching TV.

"Shizuo would've been dead by now if Izaya still wanted him dead; you know that," Shinra tried to convince her, but it didn't look like it was working since Celty still was still agitated. Sighing again, he patted the spot next to him. "Come here."

Celty reluctantly took the invitation and sat down next to Shinra.

"Trenching the living room won't fix anything," he uttered softly as he raised his hands and placed them on Celty's shoulders. "You need to relax," he then added as he began to massage his beloved's tense shoulders. The two of them had grown closer over the past few months but they were still not as close as Shinra wanted them to be. He wished that Celty's shyness would've been the only reason, but the problem was that she was still mad at him because of the things he'd hid from her regarding her head.

[You're right. If Izaya hasn't killed him yet, it means he's got something planned,] Celty typed and raised the PDA somewhere above her left shoulder so that Shinra could read it.

"Of course he's got something planned. We're talking about Izaya here." With Celty tensing beneath his fingers again, Shinra's right hand traveled lower, caressing his darling's back a few times before snaking it beneath her arm and doing the same to her breasts. There was a fifty-fifty chance that Celty was either going to elbow him in the stomach or allow him to continue, so when his darling reclined against his chest, silently giving him permission to continue, he breathed in relief. His heart sped up as the heat started to rise in his body, contrasting greatly with the coldness of the shadows wrapping around Celty. She was always cold, but it was one of the things he loved about her.

If Celty had a head, she would've blushed furiously, especially with how much she was enjoying Shinra's hands on her body. It felt wrong because of what she was, but at the same time it felt so right because of how much she loved him. Celty loved Shinra more than anything, and no matter how angry she still was at him, it didn't lessen the love she felt for him. Celty slowly retracted the shadows covering her body, revealing more and more of herself to Shinra's hungry eyes. She stopped when the shadows reached her hips, hoping that showing the upper part of her body would be enough. It'd been too long since Shinra had touched her and she lacked the courage to go further than that. For now, enjoying Shinra's warmth as he fondled her breasts was more than enough.

After gathering more courage, Shinra's hand boldly wandered lower, but his beloved told him not to go _there_ by smacking his hand. He laughed nervously and tried to pull it back, but Celty captured it and placed it on her breasts again as her body shook with silent laughter. Swallowing thickly, Shinra went back to playing with those fluffy mounds of what he could only describe as pure bliss while he tried to ignore the growing hardness in his pants. He was _dying_ to take Celty, but he knew that rushing her would only push her away since his darling was pretty shy.

"I love you," he uttered softly. Celty tensed and Shinra instantly regretted having said it, thinking that she was still mad at him. His own hands had frozen on her body as he waited for her to say or do something, heart ratcheting inside his chest as he wondered if perhaps she didn't love him anymore.

Celty could easily guess what Shinra was thinking after knowing him for so many years, so she raised the PDA and typed her reply before the heart she could feel beating against her back burst through Shinra's ribcage. [I love you too.]

In the next moment, Shinra was squeezing her to his chest, rubbing his cheek against her shoulder and murmuring "I love you" over and over again until he heard a sound coming from the PDA, indicating that Celty had received a message and he finally stopped, knowing that it was not nice to read it but still staring intently at it as she opened it.

_「_ _Shizu-chan woke up and he'd appreciate it if you could go fetch some clothes for him. Thanks~_ _」_

"Bastard," Shinra hissed as he glowered at the PDA's screen with all the animosity in the world, very much aware that his fun time was over since Celty wouldn't hesitate to go help a friend in need.

[I'm sorry, but I have to go,] Celty apologized awkwardly just as the shadow started to cover her chest area and she pulled away from Shinra's loving embrace.

Smiling, Shinra nodded even as his eye twitched in annoyance. "Of course. I'll see you later."

A small moan slipped past his lips as he watched her leave, his cock twitching with how turned on he was after being allowed the freedom to play with her breasts. Shinra waited until Celty closed the door before fumbling with his belt, clumsily pulling down the zipper and grasping his throbbing length, moaning again at the first slide of fingers over the hard length. His whole body was shaking with how turned on he was so he closed his eyes and jerked furiously, thinking of Celty and imagining what it would be like to make love to her.

.

Celty arrived at Izaya's apartment sometimes during the evening after picking up some clothes from Shizuo's place. She knocked on the door, somewhat relieved that Izaya had gotten it fixed, and waited for the Informant to open it.

"Thank you for taking the time to do this small errand for me," Izaya said, smiling, as he invited her inside, closed the door and then made his way back to his desk.

Surprisingly enough, she found Shizuo sitting in what looked like Namie's chair but at Izaya's desk, as though the two of them had been looking at something on Izaya's laptop before she arrived.

"Celty…" Shizuo uttered her name in a trembling voice and tried to get up, but Izaya placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down.

"Save the little energy you have if you don't want to end up passing out again," Izaya advised, not expecting Shizuo to actually listen to him. Thinking about it, Izaya had to admit that he very much enjoyed a docile Ikebukuro beast instead of a raging one.

"I won't," Shizuo assured him and didn't get up until Izaya shrugged and turned to his laptop. He then slowly and carefully made his way to Celty who was still holding the bag with his clothes inside. "Thanks for bringing this for me," he told her as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head. His friendship with Celty wasn't what it used to be and it pained him to know that this too was one of the many things he'd ruined, but just like with Izaya, he couldn't turn back time and make things right. "I'll take it now," he said and extended his arm.

Instead of handing him the bag, Celty dropped it, took a step forward and gave him a hug before he could react, Shizuo finally snapping out of his stupor and wrapping his arms around her when he figured that she wouldn't pull away before he reciprocated the gesture. "I'm sorry," he apologized in a sorrowful voice, "for everything."

Celty didn't pull away and instead tightened her hold around him, simply enjoying the sound of his heartbeat. If she would've been capable of crying, she would've shed tears of happiness as a feeling of relief washed over her, for a few moments making her forget about all the bad things happening in their lives. Shizuo was alive and that was one of the few things that mattered.

"It wasn't your fault, Celty," Shizuo told her in a low enough voice so that Izaya couldn't hear him. "I know you're probably blaming yourself for a lot of things right now, but none of them were your fault. You did the best you could in the impossible situation I put you in."

Realizing that it was starting to get awkward, Celty pulled away and took out the PDA from her pocket. [I'm sorry.]

Shizuo raised a hand and placed it on her shoulder. "Don't say that. You have nothing to apologize for."

Elegant fingers hovered momentarily above the keyboard until Celty gathered her addled thoughts and figured out what she wanted to say. [I shouldn't have run away like a coward. I should've stayed to help both you and Izaya.]

Laughing bitterly, Shizuo pulled back his arm and shoved it into the pocket of his ― or better said Izaya's ― sweatpants. "Even after all the mistakes I've made, you're still so nice to me. You're an angel, Celty."

[An angel of death; but anyway, may I inquire as to what you're still doing with Izaya?]

Fearing that he might end up passing out if he continued to stand when he had no energy to do so, Shizuo requested a little something of Celty. "Uhm, can we sit?"

The pale skin and the unfocused gaze were a clear indication that Shizuo was not feeling very well, so Celty grabbed him by the arm and guided him to one of the couches. Once there she helped him sit down and then took a seat next to him. [What are you still doing here, with Izaya?]

"On my way to Izaya's apartment, a few people took pictures of me and uploaded them online," Shizuo said, regretting his decision of ignoring those assholes instead of at least trying to take their phones.

[And…?]

"And Izaya showed me all these crazy theories they have about me being alive when I should be dead," Shizuo growled, anger rising at the mere thought of all the things he'd read online. "Normally, I wouldn't give a damn, but some people are saying that I've been a prisoner of the Yakuza this whole time, that Kasuka traded his life for mine and that's why he's gone missing."

[Humans do that when they have nothing better to do.]

"I know, but look at me, Celty. I can't even stand for more than a few minutes, let alone fight a mob of angry Hanejima Yuuhei fans or the many gangs I've pissed off in the past. It's not that I'm scared, because I'm not, but if I die now, then I won't be able to bring my brother back. I want to leave, but people know where I live, and I can't go home like this," Shizuo revealed, the last word coming our as a hiss. "I don't have anywhere else to go."

True enough, Celty remembered seeing a few shady people outside Shizuo's apartment building. [Come to my place,] she offered without thinking.

Shizuo shook his head, immediately regretting the action when the dizziness increased all of a sudden. "I can't do that to Shinra."

[I'll convince him to agree,] Celty promised, but deep down inside she knew the battle had already been lost because Shizuo was the type of person who would choose to sleep on the streets if it meant not bothering his friends. [Your parents,] she then typed enthusiastically. [Your parents would be glad to give you a place to stay at until you feel better.]

"I can't risk putting them in danger." Shizuo had tried to keep a steady voice, but it still came out trembling at the thought of his mother crying for her missing son. The thought alone almost brought tears to his eyes but that was something he didn't want to show Celty so he gathered his strength and stood up. "I'll go change into something more comfortable."

[I'll help you go up the stairs,] Celty offered.

"Thanks, but there's no need for that. I can do as much," Shizuo assured her with a pained smile as he walked in the direction of the bag, picked it up and then made his way upstairs.

Celty waited until she heard the sound of the door closing before approaching Izaya and typing on her PDA with a bit too much strength. [What are you scheming now?]

Izaya stopped what he was doing and looked at the PDA hovering near his face. "What you ask? Nothing you need to concern yourself with," he said as he reclined against the chair, smirking.

[Look, I'm sorry for all the things I've said and done to you, especially for not being sympathetic enough, but I won't stand idly if you try to kill Shizuo again.]

"I don't need your sympathy," Izaya replied, feeling somewhat offended by the comment. He hated the idea of anyone pitying him, least of all the people who knew him. "Rest assured, I have no plans of ever killing Shizu-chan. If he dies, it won't be by my hands," Izaya promised, sounding serious. "I offered to help him because I want him to be alive when they find his brother's corpse. I want to see with my own two eyes as his soul crumbles to dust. That won't happen if I let Shizu-chan die now, would it?"

As much as she wanted to punch him in the face, Celty managed to reign in her anger and continue the discussion without inflicting any bodily harm. [You're the one who probably spread those rumors about Kasuka trading his life for Shizuo's.]

"Tsk, tsk, Courier-san, why must you always assume the worst when it comes to poor, innocent me?" Izaya chided. "I spread no such rumors."

[But I'm sure you helped fan the fire.]

Izaya gave no answer, but the shrug and the smile were more than enough. Celty was about to insult him but she stopped mid-sentence while typing when someone rang the doorbell and Izaya got up to open the door.

"Sawazaki-san, it's been a while! To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" Izaya asked as he motioned for the man to come in.

"You left Tokyo even though I told you not to leave the city," Sawazaki admonished him as he pulled out his phone, "but that's not why I'm here."

"Oh?"

The man raised the phone and showed Izaya a picture of Shizuo. "This is why I'm here."

"Shizu-chan looks pretty good for a rotting corpse," Izaya commented with a cackle. "Isn't it funny how the victim of the murder you accused me of committing is walking around town, scaring poor citizens to death?"

"I never accused you of murder, Orihara-san, but merely of stabbing Heiwajima Shizuo-san," Sawazaki corrected him. "If murder is what you assumed I was talking about, it might be because killing Heiwajima-san had been your intention to begin with."

"Excuse me for a second," Izaya said and walked over to Celty who was awkwardly standing near his desk.

"Courier-san, can you do me one more favor and take Shizu-chan to the dentist tomorrow?" Izaya asked as he half sat on his desk and folded his arms over his chest. "He's got a few loose teeth so he can't eat because of that. As long as he can't eat, he won't get any better, and a weak Ikebukuro beast is of no use to me. Around noon would be ideal."

Swallowing the insults threatening to burst through violent typing, Celty took a moment to calm down before giving him her answer. [I'll do it for Shizuo, and not because you asked it of me.]

"I wouldn't have it any other way~" Izaya replied in a singsong voice as he pushed himself away from his desk, placed an arm around her shoulders and guided her to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow. And say hi to Shinra from me, will you? Thanks~"

Once Celty was out of view, he closed the door and made his way to the detective who had taken a seat on one of the couches. "So what is it that you want from me?" Izaya asked as he sat down on the other.

"Did you know Heiwajima-san had been spotted around town?"

Izaya fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead settled on laughing. "Of course I knew. There's this little thing called the Internet where you can find all sorts of interesting stuff, like pictures of the person you've been accused of murde―"

"Stabbing," Sawazaki corrected him yet again.

"Fine, stabbing. The person you were accused of stabbing walking around the city instead of rotting in the ground; or scattering in the wind, since Kasuka-kun claimed to have burned his brother's corpse. Either way, I don't―"

"Who are you?" Shizuo asked while standing at the top of the stairs, both men turning to him at the same time. "And why are you talking about me?"

Sawazaki stood up, his shocked expression turning into one of confusion. "I'm Sawazaki Kotaro from the Criminal Investigation Bureau. May I ask what you're doing with the man your brother accused of trying to kill you?"

Slowly and carefully, Shizuo made his way downstairs. "I don't know what you're talking about. Izaya had nothing to do with what happened," Shizuo lied since he needed Izaya and he couldn't afford to let the bastard get arrested over things that had happened in the past. The only thing that mattered was finding Kasuka, and if that meant working with the devil, then so be it.

On the outside, Izaya kept a calm demeanor, but on the inside he was roaring with laughter. Shizuo, the idiot he'd tried to kill, was covering for him even after all the hell he'd put him through.

Frowning, Sawazaki turned to Izaya and then back to Shizuo, wondering what the hell was going on. "If that's the case, then who stabbed you?"

Shizuo shrugged and made his way to the couch. Izaya's apartment was already starting to spin around him and he didn't want to look pathetic in front of a stranger; at least no more pathetic than he already looked. "I don't know," he finally answered as he reclined against the couch.

"You don't know," Sawazaki repeated, unprofessionally ending his comment with a snort. At that point, he no longed cared, seeing how they were taking him for a fool.

"That's what I said. I was taking a walk, I felt something sting my neck, I got dizzy and then I woke up in the hospital."

Despite how good of an actor he was in general, Izaya still failed to contain the laughter threatening to come out. Embarrassingly enough, it burst through his lips in chocked sounds, forcing him to raise a hand to cover his mouth.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Sawazaki pocketed his phone. "I see. I would appreciate it if you could come to the police station sometimes during the next few days and declare that in writing."

"Sure."

Still shaking his head, Sawazaki made his way to the door with Izaya following behind him. "Thank you for your 'cooperation,'" the man said before he stepped out of the apartment and went down the hallway towards the elevator.

Chuckling, Izaya closed the door and made his way to Shizuo, laughing as he sat on the couch next to the well-behaved beast and ruffled his hair. "Good mutt," he praised him in a cheerful tone.

"What the fuck, flea?" Shizuo snapped and raised his hand to grab Izaya's wrist in order to push it away, but a warning sound made him change his mind.

"Tsk, tsk, Shizu-chan, I thought I made it clear that you can't touch me without permission."

Shizuo growled low in his throat and his brow twitched as Izaya continued to pat his head but he made no further attempts to stop him. "So you can do whatever the fuck you want to me and I can't even push your hand away?" he asked, tone dripping with irritation.

"Exactly~" Izaya answered in a singsong voice, "since you did _oh so many_ things to my body without permission."

Shizuo nearly chocked at the memory, the guilt suddenly spiking also increasing the nausea.

"Besides," Izaya continued, "good mutts are grateful for whatever they receive."

"I'm not your goddam mutt!" Shizuo tried to argue as he moved away from Izaya, leaving him with his hand hanging in the air.

The smile disappeared from Izaya's face as he lowered his hand. "You are whatever the hell I want you to be," he stated. "If you want me to find your brother that is, you dumb mongrel."

Torn between snapping at Izaya and keeping his mouth shut, Shizuo didn't know what to do or say. "Whatever," he finally settled on, mumbling unhappily.

"Right now, I own you, Shizu-chan," Izaya reminded him, smirking dangerously as he grabbed the beast's chin in a tight grip and stared deeply into his pale brown eyes. "Don't ever forget that."

Shizuo swallow thickly but said nothing.

Izaya hummed in approval before releasing him and making his way to the desk, face almost splitting in two with how hard he was smiling. After all the fear and the pain, having a docile beast to boss around was quite therapeutic in a messed up kind of way. He almost felt like talking to Fujita Shizuka, but that would have to wait until Shizuo either went to sleep or passed out.

.

Kasuka woke up with a groan followed by a moan of agony as he tried to move. Everything was a haze for a few blissful moments, until he recalled what had happened before he blacked out and his eyes went wide, mouth opening in a silent scream and heart speeding up to a dangerous rhythm. He wanted to believe that nothing had happened to him while he was out but he couldn't be sure when everything hurt after the beating he received.

Nearly choking with disgust, he slowly pushed himself to a sitting position, alternating between moaning, groaning and hissing in pain every time his body protested against the movement. The fact that he was completely naked only heightened the nausea he was experiencing, but after shifting to a sitting position he realized that most of the pain was coming from his stomach and face and that his behind appeared to be unharmed. He let out the breath he didn't even now he was holding and lied back down on the floor, feeling boneless.

There was dry blood on his hands and face but he couldn't find the energy or will to get up and wash it off, not after the scare he'd gotten. He'd failed to choke Slon to death with the chain and now he was never going to get another chance. The Russian would probably be on his guard at all times and that meant he was screwed if not literally than at least figuratively. His best chance of escaping and going back to Ruri had been viciously stomped on by the clearly much stronger man and now he was left with trying to figure out another way out even though he doubted he could find one.

Judging by how little he could see, it looked like he'd been out for quite some time because there was no light filtering through the cracks in the boarded window and the room was close to pitch black. Kasuka found it strange that Slon beat him up, undressed him, but seemed to have left before doing anything to him. He didn't remember the man having any trouble trying to rape him back when Izaya was filming the attack, which meant there had to be a reason for the Russian to not go through with it. Whatever it was, Kasuka hoped it wouldn't change too soon. He could still vividly recall the terror he'd felt before blacking out and it was something he hoped he would never have to experience again.

Either way, sleeping on the floor didn't sound like a very good idea no matter how much he wanted to lie there until the pain went away so he got pushed himself to a sitting position, stood up and then staggered to the bed, a few sounds of pain slipping past his lips because of how much his stomach hurt. He was probably covered in bruises and the dried blood stuck to his skin itched but he lacked the energy to wash it away after the brutal beating he'd received. He was in fact surprised that none of his bones had been broken with how hard Slon hit him.

The soft mattress felt much better than the cold floor, but Slon must've taken the blanket and the sheet because he couldn't find them so he curled into a tight ball and wrapped his arms around his torso, hoping not to freeze to death over night. "R-Ruri," he spoke the name, teeth chattering from the cold even as he recalled the warmth emanating from her delicate body during the many nights they had fallen asleep in each other's arms. How he missed her…


	72. Alternative Therapy

_A/N: -lauwyn: Thank you for your kind words! It's always nice to hear from the readers. :)_

* * *

><p>After much digging, the only thing Izaya found was a really dark video footage, shot by one of the reporters stalking the actor, of the van leaving the parking lot, but the driver couldn't be seen so the thing was completely useless. Luckily, that didn't mean everything was lost. There were many cameras around Tokyo, so even if the police wouldn't be able to find the exact location where the van had stopped, it would at least give them an idea which way it went. Izaya himself didn't have access to the footage like the police did, but he had contacts inside the department ready to send him their findings. Unfortunately, it didn't look like there was anything else he could do until then.<p>

Sighing, he reclined against his desk chair and started to swivel in it, stopping suddenly no more than ten or so seconds later when he realized that he was alone and that he could talk to his therapist in peace. It'd be awkward after the last discussion they had, but it wasn't like he'd killed anyone and the woman had no idea who he was anyway. Chuckling nervously, he picked up the phone from where it was lying on the desk.

"_Nakura-san?"_ the woman asked since he was the only person calling her with a hidden number.

"Yes," Izaya confirmed in a cheerful tone.

"_I was worried something bad must've happened during our last discussion since you ended the call so abruptly."_

"Ah, yes. I'm sorry about that. My fingers were bloody so the phone slipped out of my hand."

"…"

"Just kidding!" Izaya said, snickering.

"_I see…"_

"Or am I~?" Izaya continued in a singsong voice, starting to enjoy this little game. If anything, the fact that she was a therapist made the whole thing that much more fun since it'd be a challenge to screw with her head. There was a voice telling him to stop, that he was being a dick and that he'd only end up hurting himself this way, but Izaya ignored it and continued, the sadistic urge within him too strong to resist. "By the way, I wasn't lying back then when I said that someone was bleeding on the floor of my apartment."

"…"

Thinking that he'd got her, Izaya let out a mock-gasp. "Oops, maybe I shouldn't have said that?"

"_No, it's fine. I'm just trying to figure out why you're going out of your way to scare me. Are you testing me to see if I'll run away at the first sign of danger?"_ Fujita Shizuka continued, not in the least deterred by his words.

Izaya swallowed thickly but said nothing.

"_Are you worried that I won't be able to handle it?"_

"That's not―"

"_I believe that's exactly what this is," _she replies in a calm voice, _"but you don't have to worry about that, so why don't you start by telling me why you beat someone bloody?"_

Izaya pulled the phone away from his ear, quivering thumb hovering above the button to end the call. This woman he'd never even met in person was reading him way too easily and for someone like him, who'd always done his best to hide his real self, was terrifying, but he knew that if he ended the call he'd probably never talk to her again, and since that wasn't what he wanted, especially after finally admitting to himself that he needed help, he brought the phone back to his ear and took a deep breath. "Because he forced me to change," Izaya admitted reluctantly.

"_I see. I have a question for you, but you don't have to answer it if you don't want to, at least not until you're ready to do so. Did that man hurt you physically, emotionally or both?"_

The question took Izaya so badly by surprise that he forgot how to form words for a few moments. "I don't want to… I c-can't…" he stuttered a bit. He wasn't yet ready to talk about it so he kept shaking his head while gripping the phone tightly, knuckles turning white with how hard he was squeezing it.

"_Like I said, we don't have to talk about it yet if you―"_

"I'm sorry, I can't," Izaya apologized in a low voice before he ended the call and placed the phone on the desk. He hated how sometimes all it took was a word, a comment or a question to make him lose his cool demeanor, the mere thought of even admitting to having been assaulted by Shizuo to his therapist enough to make his body grow cold.

Disappointed by his own failure to continue the conversation, he placed his elbows on the desk and rested his head in his palms, cursing under his breath. The point of having a therapist was to tell her things and hopefully move forward instead of remaining stuck in the past, but he wasn't used to allowing a stranger to pick his mind, especially when it came to what Shizuo had done to him. To think that he'd lose his courage over something as simple as admitting he'd been physically hurt was embarrassing, but no matter how much he wanted to call her back, he couldn't gather the strength until about twenty minutes later. Unfortunately, it was too late by then since she wasn't picking up, meaning her break was over and that she was in a session with a patient.

Sighing, he stood up and started pacing the living room, wondering how things were going with Shizuo. The idiot had passed out on the couch sometimes during the night while Izaya himself spent it online, trying to find any clue that might lead him to Kasuka's location. He was just thinking about making something to eat or ordering some fatty tuna when he heard the sound of the doorbell going off and he rushed to the door, hoping it was not Namie since he'd told her to stay home or do whatever the hell she wanted, like stalking Seiji and his girlfriend.

Luckily, it turned out to be Celty and a half-passed out Shizuo she was carrying.

"Did something happen?" Izaya asked as he pulled Shizuo's other arm over his shoulders and helped Celty carry the drooling idiot to the couch where they laid him down.

Celty was still shaking after the ordeal she'd been put through and she needed a few minutes to find the strength needed to answer Izaya's question. She sat down next to Izaya and she pulled out her PDA, almost dropping the device in the process with how nervous she still was.

"Courier-san, are you okay?" Izaya asked, brows furrowing in confusion.

[No, I'm not okay! The whole thing was a nightmare,] Celty furiously typed her answer, fingers still trembling.

Izaya momentarily turned to Shizuo who was lying on the other couch, eyes half open and moaning in what was obviously pain. The beast didn't look like it was quite there so Izaya turned to Celty again who seemed to be typing a long message.

[The local anesthesia the dentist administered didn't work, so Shizuo lost his temper because of the (as he described it) brain melting pain he was experiencing when the man started working on his teeth. I'm assuming he tried to ignore it but eventually it must've been too much because he nearly broke the dentist's arm along with some of the equipment there.]

The first impulse Izaya got was to laugh, but he successfully held it in and gave Celty a sympathetic look as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that, Courier-san. I should've known that Shizu-chan would give you a hard time since he's such a monster."

[It's not his fault the anesthetic didn't work!]

Not in the mood to get into an argument about how Shizuo's monstrous body was the reason why the anesthetic hadn't worked, Izaya put on an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry for interrupting you; please continue."

[The dentist was stumped and didn't know what to do, so I called Shinra and asked him if he had something that could help even if it meant knocking Shizuo out.]

"Did he?" Izaya innocently inquired even though he already knew the answer to that question.

[He said he did, so I went home, picked up the small vial and then went back to the dentist's office where I administered the anesthetic myself since the man didn't want to risk further angering Shizuo.]

"And it worked, huh?"

[I believe so, since the dentist was able to finally fix Shizuo's teeth. Don't give him any solid food for a few days, only liquid ones, like soup; and also, don't make it too hot or too cool.]

"I'll make sure he won't stuff his face with pudding and other such disgusting things while he's in my care," Izaya promised, raising a hand and holding it over his heart.

[You're creeping me out, Izaya. You've been trying to kill Shizuo this whole time and now you're taking care of him. How does that make any sense?]

"I already told you, Courier-san. It'd be no fun if Shizu-chan died before the police finds Kasuka's corpse. And besides," he then added as his eyes drifted over to the still only half-conscious beast, "Shizu-chan and I made a deal, one that benefits us both." Smiling, he turned to Celty again. "A half-dead beast is of no use to me, so I'll do my best to get him back on his feet as soon as possible."

Celty shuddered at the sight of Izaya's sly smirk. At least it didn't look like the man was hell-bent on killing Shizuo anymore and that was more than she could ask for. That aside, Shizuo was his own person and if her friend had decided to make a deal with Izaya, then it wasn't her business to interfere. [I have an errand to run, so I'll be going now,] she told Izaya and stood up, giving Shizuo one last glance before walking out of the apartment.

Izaya waited until Celty was out the door before he stood up and took a seat on the couch next to Shizuo. "Ne, Shizu-chan, you dying or something?" he asked and leaned over Shizuo, sly smirk turning malicious at the sight of the swollen, bruised face. "Shizu-chan…?" he asked again, this time using his index finger to poke Shizuo in the swollen cheek, making the brute whimper. He was tempted to push the finger in harder to hear more of that sweet sound, but he refrained from doing so and instead went back to his desk to look into something for Shiki, leaving Shizuo to suffer alone.

.

After the tough night he had while nearly freezing to death, Kasuka spent the next morning and most of the afternoon curled into a tight ball, trembling and stomach growling as he went one more day, the second, without food. He was starting to feel a bit dizzy and he was hoping that Slon would bring him some food soon because the longer he went without it, the harder it would be for him to focus on trying to find a way out of there, especially with the nasty headache he was having.

It was late in the afternoon when Kasuka heard the sound of the door being unlocked and he moved farther into the corner, wrapping his arms around his knees and crossing his ankles to hide himself from Slon's view as much as possible. He hated to admit it, but the man scared him. Despite how much he didn't want to see the Russian, he was still glad he'd get some food, but what he got instead was an empty-handed Slon, the one eye Kasuka could see burning with what looked like a mix between anger and amusement.

"Feel like talking yet?" Slon asked as he stood there next to the bed, towering over the curled up actor who was trying to look brave even though Slon could sense that the man was finally starting to understand the situation he was in.

Kasuka shook his head without raising it while he struggled to suppress the fight or flight impulse, very much aware that both options would lead to him getting beat up or worse. Just knowing that the Russian was seeing him like that, naked, made his skin crawl, but there was nothing he could do about it as long as he had nothing to cover himself with.

"I still can't tell whether you're being brave or just plain stupid," Slon said as he leaned forward and grabbed a fistful of Kasuka's hair. "Would finishing what we started long ago convince you to tell me what I want to know?"

Kasuka was having a hard time hearing what the man was saying when his heart was beating so loudly. He hoped that Slon would release him soon, but that didn't turn out to be the case and the impulse to run away suddenly spiked when the Russian placed the other hand on the his left knee, the mere touch making Kasuka flinch despite how hard he'd tried to contain it. "No, it won't," he answered in a surprisingly steady voice, all the while fighting the nausea threatening to overcome him as Slon's hand moved lower, the bandaged fingers sending goose bumps as they traveled down his lower leg.

"You're one tough nut to crack," Slon remarked moments before he released Kasuka and straightened his back. "But you will eventually," he added in a confident tone. "Everyone does."

.

Shizuo continued to lie down for a long time on Izaya's couch, trying to get over the horror of what he'd experienced. It was sometimes during the evening, when the drug finally wore off, that he finally found the will to move, groaning as he sat up.

"The sleeping beast is finally up~" Izaya remarked in a singsong voice as he stood up from his desk chair and went to check up on Shizuo who looked like he was having a hard time staying awake.

"…ne."

"What?" Izaya asked as he leaned in, bringing his ear closer to Shizuo's lips.

"Phone," Shizuo repeated. "Give me your phone, flea."

Izaya blinked in surprise but made no move to fish out his phone from the pocket of his pants. "What do you need a phone for?" he inquired as he sat down next to Shizuo.

"Just give me the damn phone," Shizuo hissed, body trembling with how angry he was.

"Eh?! But I can't give Shizu-chan my phone. What if he wants to spy on my contacts and messages?" Izaya whined, pouting, as he shook his head and folded his arms in front of his chest.

"Fleaaa…" Shizuo dragged the nickname in a threatening tone, not in the mood for games when the urge to inflict violence upon someone was so hard to rein in. "Call Shinra and give me the phone."

Now curious to see what this was all about, he fished out his phone, called Shinra and handed the phone to Shizuo.

"_Hey,"_ Shinra answered in a cheerful voice.

"I'm going to break your fucking bones; all of them, one by one," Shizuo promised in a dangerous voice as his whole body trembled with the effort it took to not crush the phone, the coffee table, the couch and perhaps even Izaya.

"_Why so violent?"_ Shinra asked, sounding surprised but not quite.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!" Shizuo growled even though every word coming out of his mouth made the pain a thousand times worse.

Beside him, Izaya was starting to worry that Shizuo might lose his temper. Out of a sense of self preservation, he put some distance between himself and the enraged beast, figuring out that it was safer to not be in arm's range if Shizuo snapped. Even so, he couldn't deny that he was dying to know why the idiot was so angry at Shinra, so he continued to listen intently to whatever he could hear of the conversation.

"Oi, bastard, did you hear me?" Shizuo continued when Shinra gave no reply.

"_I did."_

"And?"

"_And what?"_ Shinra asked innocently.

"I fucking felt everything, you sadistic piece of shit!" Shizuo shouted into the phone, now seeing red with how furious he was.

Izaya gasped in genuine surprise, remembering what Celty had told him about Shinra giving her something to put Shizuo under so that the dentist could work in peace.

"_Oops, it seems I might've given Celty the wrong vial. You have my sincere apologies."_

"You don't even sound remorseful!" Shizuo roared.

Izaya flinched at the sound, the angry voice reminding him too much of the wild beast from that night. There was just something utterly terrifying about the blood thirst emanating from the monster, enough to make him stand up and move away from there. When he realized that he'd ran away he was already sitting in his desk chair, nervously flicking open his switchblade while staring intently at the back of Shizuo's head.

"Kill! Kill! Kill!" Shizuo kept repeating the word like mantra, until Shinra started talking again, the doctor's next words taking him by surprise and adding to the nausea he was already feeling.

"_It must've been horrible to just lie there, unable to do anything while someone caused you immeasurable pain. It was _horrible,_ wasn't it?"_ Shinra asked as he reclined against the couch in his apartment in Ikebukuro, smirking wildly. _"Kind of like what Izaya must've felt that night. You remember, don't you?"_

Shocked that Shinra would ask something like that, all Shizuo could do was listen, his voice not coming out now that he understood what the doctor was trying to do.

"_Just look at the bright side. It could've been worse, much, much worse. Like… I don't know, imagine that instead of a dentist trying to fix your teeth, there had been someone else, slicing you up and pulling out your organs one by one. I can't even begin to imagine how painful that would be, and I can imagine _a lot_ of things…"_

"I'm never going to hurt Izaya again, you asshole," Shizuo whispered into the phone after turning his head to the side and noticing a rather pale Izaya staring at him.

"_I certainly hope so," _Shinra spoke cheerfully, ending the call before Shizuo could threaten him again.

It took a lot of self-control from Shizuo's part to not crush the phone, knowing that Izaya wouldn't appreciate it. After peeling it from his ear and taking a few deep breaths, he placed the phone on the couch and did nothing but blankly stare at the turned off TV for a while, still in shock that Shinra would find such a fucked up way to give him a taste of what might happen if he dared hurt Izaya. He knew the two had grown closer, but it still surprised him that someone cared so much about the flea. He was just thinking how scary Shinra was when he noticed a hand waving in front of his face and he realized that Izaya was standing there. "Sorry, what? My mind was someplace else."

"Take these painkillers," Izaya said as he handed Shizuo a couple of pills and a glass of water, hoping to calm the beast if only a little since an enraged Ikebukuro monster was making him nervous.

Shizuo popped the pills into his mouth but was afraid of drinking the water so he struggled to swallow them without it, cringing a bit at the feeling of the pills getting stuck in his throat.

"I have no idea why Shinra would do that, seeing how he was worried you might kill him last time he was here because, you know, he was the one who gave me the means to take away your ability to move back when I left you to bleed to death," Izaya mused as he placed the glass on the coffee table and took a seat on the other couch, as far away from Shizuo as possible.

"Who knows what that idiot is thinking half the time?" Shizuo mumbled. He concluded it would be best if Izaya didn't know that Shinra had pretty much threatened to slice him to pieces while still alive if he dared hurt his friend since he wasn't in the mood to hear Izaya's laughter. Then again, both Shinra and Izaya had a few loose screws, so it was no wonder the two of them had ended up becoming friends. The threat of being cut open while still alive wasn't something Shizuo hadn't heard before, but he finally understood how serious Shinra was about it.

.

After the whole Shinra thing, Shizuo only stood up and went to change into something more comfortable about an hour later. The painkillers Izaya had given him appeared to be useless and he was fucking starving but he couldn't eat because of his damn teeth. When he'd knelt and begged Izaya to give him Kasuka back, he never imagined that the flea would end up fucking up his teeth so badly. The insect's ring might've played a big part in that, especially with how hard the flea had hit him. Izaya's hand was still bandaged and it looked like the bastard was having trouble typing with it.

When he went downstairs again, Shizuo found Izaya eating fatty tuna, the louse smirking like the piece of shit that he was. Shizuo would've been happy with some instant noodles, but he didn't want to feel any more brain melting pain so he chose to not eat until it was safe to do so again.

"Here," Izaya chirped as he handed Shizuo another pill.

Shizuo's stomach growled and he swallowed the saliva pooling in his mouth at the sight of Izaya's dinner, fighting back the urge to wolf down the whole thing. Looking like a kicked puppy, he tore his eyes away from the delicious-looking pieces of meat and turned to Izaya who was still smirking like a fucking bastard.

"Vitamins," Izaya answered Shizuo's unspoken question. "I don't like you enough to make you soup."

"Thanks," Shizuo mumbled as he took the pill, grateful that Izaya would even consider giving him one. The flea was acting like a decent human being and it made Shizuo feel like shit, especially when comparing Izaya's behavior to how Shizuo himself had treated the man in the past. And he wasn't stupid to not understand that Izaya was doing it to make him realize what a monster he'd been, but he was thankful nonetheless for the kindness shown to him, even if the motives were anything but pure.

Izaya was about to tell Shizuo that he had no new information on Kasuka when he heard the doorbell and he got up to answer the door. He expected it to be Celty for some reason, so he couldn't have been more surprise when he was met with the sight of Namiko and Kichirou Heiwajima.

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but is this the residence of Orihara Izaya-san?" Kichirou asked the young man who opened the door.

"Yes, yes it is," Izaya answered, finally figuring out why they were there. "I assume you're here to see Shizuo."

Namiko nodded, anxious to see her son. "We were told by Sawazaki-san that Shizuo's staying here. If he's really here, can we please see him?" Namiko pleaded, body trembling in a mix of joy at finding out that her eldest son was awake and heartache knowing that her youngest was still missing.

It took Izaya a few moments to get over his shock. "Of course," he answered, smiling lazily, as he moved out of the way and motioned for them to come in.

Shizuo, who had heard his parents' voices, was standing still by the desk, his heart mostly filled with pain.

"Shizuo!" Namiko called her son's name and rushed to him, squeezing him into a tight hug before pulling away and looking at him with tears in her eyes. "I never lost hope that you'd wake up one day," she told him in a quivering voice as she raised a hand and gently moved a few strands of hair out of Shizuo's eyes. "You gave your poor mother quite the scare! Just look at how thin you are," she sniffled as she continued to caress his head, vision turning blurry because of the many tears gathering in her eyes.

Kichirou patted him on the back. "It's good to see you, son."

"It's good to see you too," Shizuo told them in a brittle voice, overwhelmed by emotions. "I'm sorry for making you worry."

"We're just happy to have you back," Namiko told her son, hoping to remind him how much they loved him. "I just wish you had come home instead of letting us worry about you ever since we got the call from the hospital."

Overcome by guilt, Shizuo lowered his head. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, son. We're grateful you have a friend you could go to. Speaking of your friend, where is he?"

Shizuo's eyes darted around the apartment, only now noticing that Izaya must've slipped out without any of them noticing. He felt bad that he and his family had bothered Izaya in his home, so he made a mental note to apologize when the man came back. "I think he left so that we could talk in peace."

"It was very kind of him, but he shouldn't have. I'm a bit confused though," Kichirou commented as he scratched his head. "Wasn't Izaya that kid you kept complaining about all the time back when you were in high school?"

"Yeah, it's him," Shizuo answered reluctantly. Looking back, he felt stupid when he remembered how much he used to bitch about Izaya, especially to Kasuka.

"So you're friends now?" Namiko asked.

"No, but finding out things and people is his job, so he's going to help me find Kasuka."

"I'm sorry that you had to wake up to the news of your brother having been kidnapped," Namiko apologized, as though it was somehow her fault. "I know how much you love him. You know what? Here, let's sit down, since you don't look so well," she suggested as she grabbed him by the arm and led him to the couch, her husband following their example and sitting down as well.

Shizuo placed his elbows on his knees and rested his head on his palms, fingers digging hard into his scalp. "If I could, I'd take his place. He's so much better than me. I'm sorry."

"Don't ever say that again," Namiko admonished him and raised a hand to gently run it through her son's locks. "We love you both the same."

As the tears started to fill his eyes, Shizuo found it harder and harder to speak in a steady voice. "I don't… I don't deserve your love."

Kichirou sighed. "Stop saying things like that. You're upsetting your mother."

"I'm sorry." _I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

.

Izaya was ambling through Shinjuku's streets, trying to push down the jealousy rearing its ugly head after seeing how much Shizuo's parents loved a monster who Izaya believed didn't deserve to be loved by anyone. It wasn't that Izaya's own parents were horrible, but they were terrible at showing they cared, if they did. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen or talked to them, and he was still rather upset that his family hadn't even bothered to check whether or not he was still alive back when there were all those rumors about him being dead. Shinra, who wasn't even family, probably cared more about him than his own sisters and parents put together. Such a thought made him sad, even though he would never admit it to anyone, most of the time not even to himself.

Speaking of Shinra, he was already missing the sadistic idiot, but it was late and he didn't want to bother him when the poor guy was probably trying to get into Celty's shadowy pants again. He chuckled to himself and turned left in the direction of the train station, suddenly in the mood to hear Simon apologize.

.

As usual, Izaya found the tall man outside, handing fliers to people and inviting them to Russia Sushi. Normally, Simon would've greeted him in a cheerful voice, but now they were both staring at each other, Simon with his right hand frozen in the air, flier dangling in the wind, while Izaya was giving him a hurt look. Seeing how the man wasn't trying to chase him out of there, it meant Simon had heard the news about Shizuo being alive, meaning that the Russian was probably feeling guilty for punching him so hard for no reason.

"Добрый вечер," Simon greeted him after a long, awkward silence. "Как поживаете?"

"Спасибо, хорошо. Что нового?" Izaya asked, a bit surprised that Simon would use formal speech with him. If that wasn't a sign of guilt, then he didn't know what was.

Simon smiled awkwardly as he lowered his hand. "Fresh sushi, you want?"

Izaya smiled back. "Sure! Give me the best you have." He followed Simon inside and sat down in the back as usual, the owner of the shop giving him a strange look but not really saying anything. Seeing how he didn't get to finish his dinner before Shizuo's parents showed up, he most certainly didn't mind some fresh sushi or whatever the hell Simon was going to bring him. All he knew was that it wasn't human.

Five minutes later, Simon came back with a plate of sushi. "On the house."

"Thanks, Simon!" Izaya chirped happily as he picked up the chopsticks, eyes glowing and mouth watering at the sight.

"Hey, Izaya?"

Momentarily tearing his eyes away from the juicy pieces of fish, Izaya raised his head to look at Simon.

"Is it true that Shizuo is alive?" the Russian asked in a hopeful voice.

"Mhm."

Unlike that time when he'd punched Izaya because the Informant deserved it, this time Simon felt bad for jumping to conclusions and hurting Izaya, especially when he had a feeling that Izaya had been through some tough times during the past few months. "I'm sorry," Simon apologized sincerely.

Chuckling, Izaya raised a hand and smacked Simon on the arm. "You're lucky I can't stay mad at you for long~" he revealed in a singsong voice moments before he stuffed a large piece of sushi into his mouth, eyes rolling in his head at the heavenly taste.

It was good to finally be back to his beloved city after such a long absence.

* * *

><p><em>Translations:<em>

_"Добрый вечер." - "Good evening."_

_"Как поживаете?" - "How are you?"_

_"Спасибо, хорошо. Что нового?" - "Fine, thank you. What's new?"_


	73. Life Under The Swatter

Izaya waited until around midnight before finally making his way home, hoping that by then Shizuo's parents were gone so that he wouldn't have to witness more of those disgusting scenes where a beast was being treated as a human. He couldn't help but imagine what it would've been like if he'd told them what Shizuo had done, and while the horror and shock on their faces was something Izaya would've loved to see, it wasn't worth the humiliation. Sadly, it made him wonder how his own parents and sisters would react if they knew, but just as quickly as he thought about it he dismissed the idea since the mere suspicion that they wouldn't care made his heart ache.

When Izaya opened the door and entered the apartment, he found Shizuo sitting on the couch, dressed and looking like he was waiting for him. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked in a flat tone, clearly not amused by the prospect of the beast leaving and getting himself killed.

Shizuo, who until then had been blankly staring at the wall, somewhat out of it, turned to Izaya. "Oh, hey, welcome back. Listen," he said as he stood up and slowly made his way to Izaya, "I'm sorry that my parents showed up here unannounced."

"It's fine," Izaya answered with a dismissive gesture. "It's not like you called them here." He was in fact pretty annoyed by it but he wasn't about to let the beast know just how much it had hurt him to witness the scene. Annoyingly enough, Shizuo already knew that his archenemy wasn't close to his family, which was probably the reason why the idiot was apologizing in the first place. Shizuo was sometimes too observant for his own good and it bothered Izaya because not many could understand him so well. If anything, it was creeping him out more than a little bit, that the man who most hated him was also the one who best understood him.

"Yeah, but still, you shouldn't have had to put up with it," Shizuo continued, the fact that Izaya was avoiding eye contact and instead pretending to look out the window telling him that the man was in fact highly bothered by it. Luckily, he knew that pushing it would only further upset Izaya, so he chose not to further bother the man by talking about it. "Anyway, as I was saying, I'm going out for a bit."

"What for?" Izaya inquired in an irritated tone, eyes narrowing into slits. "You can barely stand and you want to go out? Are you that stupid?"

Shizuo awkwardly lowered his head, feeling guilty about what he was about to say since he knew how much Izaya hated his vice. "I need a smoke." To his surprise, Izaya rolled his eyes and made his way to the desk, for once not insulting him or ranting about how bad cigarettes were for one's health.

"I'm surprised you lasted this long," Izaya told him with a sigh as he opened the drawer and picked up a lighter and the cigarette pack he'd stolen from Shizuo that night when he'd fallen asleep on the man's couch.

Shizuo's eyes widened in disbelief at the sight of the cigarette pack Izaya was holding in his hand. He'd seen the flea smoke before, back when he'd tried to kill him, but he never imagined that Izaya would keep the pack instead of throwing it away after leaving him to bleed to death.  
>"Take it," Izaya urged him while shaking his hand, as though the thing was poison and he needed to get rid of it as soon as possible. And it was, because while he could stand in the presence of someone smoking without feeling nauseous, it still brought memories of a night when he'd been taught that gods could break too.<p>

"Thank you," Shizuo uttered softly and slowly made his way to Izaya's desk, carefully taking the cigarette pack and the lighter out of Izaya's hands without touching the man.

"But you can't smoke in here," Izaya told Shizuo just as the dumb brute was about to light up a cigarette. "Follow me."

Shizuo didn't argue and instead followed Izaya out the door and up the stairs, not at all surprised that Izaya was leading him to the rooftop. "You really like heights, don't you?" he mumbled as he flicked open the lighter and lit up the cigarette, filling his lungs with nicotine and exhaling the smoke with a sigh of relief. He'd been itching to smoke one since he'd woken up, but between finding out that Kasuka had been kidnapped, getting beat up into unconsciousness and then getting tortured by a dentist because Shinra was a sadistic bastard, he hadn't had much time to buy a pack.

"You can come here to smoke whenever you want," Izaya told him as he sat down on the edge, chuckling a bit at the way in which Shizuo's expression changed from one of pure bliss to worry.

"Oi, flea, that's dangerous," Shizuo warned as he raised a hand, tempted to grab and pull the smirking bastard away from the edge.

"Aww, I didn't know Shizu-chan's cared," Izaya teased, swinging his legs in the wind while watching Shizuo who was standing on his right.

"I don't," Shizuo muttered and took a drag from the cigarette, fingers still twitching to grab Izaya and pull him to safety, "but I still need you to find Kasuka. You're no good to me as a stain on concrete."

Frowning, Izaya tore his eyes away from Shizuo's face to look down at the street below. "I won't fall unless you push me."

"I won't push you," Shizuo stated with a roll of his eyes.

"Why not? You've always wanted to see me dead," Izaya continued in a cold voice. "Like that night when you left me to bleed to death. It would've been more merciful to just kill me instead."

Without a word, Shizuo lowered himself into a crouching position and then sat down next to Izaya.

"What's this, hmm?" Izaya inquired in a slighting irritated tone, his expression unwillingly alternating between amusement, annoyance and a bit of worry.

"You've always wanted to see me dead too," Shizuo replied calmly as he leaned forward a bit to better see the street below. "One push and I'm out of your life forever."

With a sound of annoyance, Izaya snapped his head to the other side and folded his arms over his chest. "I refuse to dirty my hands with the blood of a filthy beast."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with that when you stabbed me and left me to bleed to death." It wasn't that he was blaming Izaya for trying to kill him, especially after what happened, but he found it strange how the insect had done a one hundred and eighty degrees turn, going from trying to kill him to doing his best to keep him safe.

The frown was replaced by a sadistic smirk as Izaya turned to Shizuo and raised a hand to grab a few locks of dyed hair. "Things change," Izaya said, still not letting go of Shizuo's hair. "A dead Shizu-chan is no fun. Besides, you can't die as long as I don't allow it."

It took Shizuo a lot of self-restraint to not grab Izaya's wrist and push the bastard's hand away, the mere touch making his skin crawl because of the sadistic glee he could see glowing in those eyes that reminded him so much of two pools of blood. Izaya scared him more than anyone in the world, not because the man could hurt him physically but because Izaya knew many of his weaknesses and how to exploit them. Shizuo dreaded the mere thought of what Izaya would do next, and yet he lacked the will to raise his hand and push Izaya off the building, not because he needed the insect to find Kasuka, but because he didn't want the flea to die. "You do know that I don't live to entertain you, do you?" he mumbled unhappily.

"Oh, but you do," Izaya assured him as he released the blonde locks and wrapped his hand around Shizuo's nape. "The only reason why you're still alive is because I'm allowing it."

As he gazed deep into Izaya's eyes, Shizuo took another drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke into the man's face, hoping to force him to pull back that cold, bony hand. "I could say the same thing to you."

Coughing, Izaya pulled back his hand and glowered at Shizuo, now having to fight the temptation of really pushing the idiot off the building. "You're disgusting, Shizu-chan," he hissed as soon as he stopped coughing. Even after smoking a couple of times himself, he still couldn't help but sometimes cough if he inhaled what he could only describe as poison. "Anyway, finish your cigarette already so we can go back."

"You don't have to babysit me," Shizuo pointed out.

"And risk letting you fall off the building? Ha! No can do, Shizu-chan. I'm staying here until you're done and then we're going back together."

"You really don't want me to die, do you?" Shizuo asked, surprised that Izaya was so adamant about keeping him alive.

"Shizu-chan is that toy I never want to stop breaking~" Izaya confessed in a singsong voice.

"Great," Shizuo mumbled as he stubbed the remainder of the cigarette into the building's concrete and carefully stood up. Izaya did the same and then the two of them made their way back to the apartment in silence, neither in the mood to further discuss the reasons why they haven't killed each other yet.

"Go to sleep, Shizu-chan," Izaya ordered as he sat down at his desk. "You need sleep to recover your strength."

"Yeah, okay, but I'm sleeping on the couch from now on," Shizuo announced, still feeling embarrassed about having slept in Izaya's bed. It felt wrong for too many reasons and he doubted he could get any rest knowing that was probably the same bed in which Izaya had most likely cried himself to sleep a few times since that accursed night.

From behind his laptop, Izaya snorted but didn't raise his head to meet Shizuo's eyes. "You are sorely mistaken if you think I'm going to sleep in that bed you've soiled with your vile presence."

Izaya's words hit him like a whip, any counterargument he might've had dying on his lips. "Fine," he eventually hissed in annoyance as he turned on his heels and went upstairs, knowing that fighting with Izaya was pointless when the man was like that, not even paying attention to him and instead typing away at the laptop's keyboard like there was no tomorrow.

.

Four more days had passed since Slon's last visit and Kasuka could do nothing but drink water to fill his stomach. His injured knee hurt less so it was a bit easier to move around than before, but now he was feeling weak which unfortunately meant that his chances of escaping continued to decrease the longer he went without sustenance. Even after four days of doing nothing but lying in bed, he couldn't find a good plan to escape because Slon was so much bigger than he was and he still had no weapon he could use against the stronger man.

Sometimes, especially at night, when there was no light coming into the room through the cracks in the boarded window, Kasuka worried that Izaya might try to go after Shizuo now that he was gone or that Ruri had already released the video and his parents were crushed by what they'd seen on it.

Most of the time though he was worried that the door might swing open and Slon would come in to finally finish what he'd started that day long ago when he'd first met the man. Just as he was thinking about it for what felt like the millionth time since he woke up that day, he heard the sounds of approaching footsteps and he curled into the corner once again, trying to hide as much of himself as he could from Slon's hungry eye. As always, the light switch was flicked open from the outside and the door unlocked before the man walked in, this time carrying a bag of chips.

"Feel like talking now?" Slon asked as he dangled the bag between two of his fingers. Once again, he got no answer. "I'll take it you still don't want to talk? Okay then. I'll see you again in three days."

Kasuka swallowed the saliva pooling into his mouth but maintained the silence, stomach growling at the sight of that bag disappearing behind the door along with Slon. Slowly, he stumbled to the bathroom, cupping a trembling hand beneath the faucet and filling his empty stomach with as much as water as he could drink before making his way back to the bed and lying down on his back. The water was starting to taste funny, like metal, and even though he didn't want to drink any more he still drank it because the hunger was giving him the sensation of perpetual thirst.

At that point, he was hoping someone would save him even though he would've much preferred to find a way to save himself.

.

Being in the same apartment with Izaya was starting to take a toll on Shizuo since the insect couldn't go an hour without insulting him one way or another. If it wasn't his intelligence, then it was the way he looked, smelled, or even walked, to the point that Shizuo was seriously considering strangling the man and be done with it.

"Hurry up, Shizu-chan," Izaya ordered in an irritated voice after swallowing the piece he'd just bit off the apple he was eating. "You're slower than a snail."

Shizuo's brow twitched and he flexed his fingers but said nothing. He did however envision slamming Izaya's head into the desk as hard as he could and cracking open the fucker's skull.

"Would you hurry it up already? I don't have all day," Izaya complained as his eyes darted between the laptop's screen and that of his phone.

Even though it hurt, Shizuo still bit his tongue to stop himself from roaring in anger as he sat down in the chair next to Izaya who was typing something on his phone. "What did you want to show me?" Shizuo growled the question, all the while having to remind himself that grabbing Izaya by the nape and crushing the fucker's face into the desk wouldn't help him in any way besides giving him a couple of seconds of satisfaction.

Reluctantly, Izaya placed the phone on the desk and focused his attention on what he wanted to show Shizuo. "This is a video someone sent me with all the recordings found of the van before it disappeared. Now watch."

Shizuo did as he was told and watched the screen intently, his heart aching at the knowledge that his little brother was in that van at the time the footage had been taken. He didn't think Kasuka would panic easily, but that didn't make him worry any less since he couldn't even imagine what kind of a twisted fuck that wasn't Izaya would kidnap his brother.

"This is all I've managed to gather so far regarding your brother's disappearance. Seeing how well the kidnapper avoided the cameras and then disappeared makes me think that the guy must know the city well. It has to be someone who's been here for a while," Izaya concluded right before he took another bite out of the shiny red apple.

Even though Shizuo's heart was bleeding at the thought of Kasuka being hurt, he still couldn't take his eyes off of Izaya's wet lips now that the video was over and the flea kept chewing on the apple. It wasn't that he suddenly felt the urge to kiss those lips, but he was fucking starving and he wanted to eat what Izaya was eating, especially when the bastard's expression was telling him that the accursed insect was definitely enjoying that goddam apple.

Izaya only noticed that Shizuo wasn't paying attention when he asked him a question while still staring at the screen and the dumb protozoan gave no answer. Annoyed, he turned to the man, his expression morphing into one of horror mixed with amusement when he noticed the drool trickling down the left corner of Shizuo's mouth.

"Eww!" Izaya exclaimed in disgust as he moved away from Shizuo. "You really are a repulsive beast, aren't you?"

Seeing Izaya's reaction woke Shizuo up from the mesmerizing image of the delicious apple being eaten. "W-What?" he stuttered, realizing that Izaya had caught him staring.

"You're drooling!"

"Shizuo raised a hand and whipped his mouth, his face going red in embarrassment. "Shut up!"

"Ahh ha ha ha!"

"I haven't eaten in over two months, you fucking flea; I'm starving to death," Shizuo tried to defend himself, but Izaya kept on laughing. "And now I can't eat because you messed up my teeth."

It took Izaya a full minute to finally stop laughing. "I'm not sorry that I'm not sorry I broke your tooth," Izaya declared with a smirk, choosing to swivel in his chair knowing that it pissed Shizuo off just as much as it did Namie. "You deserved it~" He kept on swiveling as Shizuo continued to complain about how hungry he was, until he could no longer stand the whining and stood up. "Alright, I'm going to make you some miso soup. In the meantime, you go watch some TV."

Shizuo's jaw dropped at Izaya's words and he kept blinking, finding it hard to believe that he'd finally get some food after nearly starving to death.

"Oi, get up," Izaya ordered, not liking the idea of Shizuo snooping around on his laptop.

"You think it's safe to eat now?" Shizuo asked in a low voice, a part of him wondering if he was hallucinating from lack of food.

Izaya nodded and pushed Shizuo's chair with him in it away from the laptop so that he could sign out. "Weren't you paying attention to what the dentist was saying?"

"No, I was too busy thinking of ways to murder Shinra," Shizuo hissed, hands clenching into fists at the mere memory of the pain he had to endure because of a certain sadistic doctor. No matter how much he knew it'd upset Celty, he still planned to at least punch Shinra in the face for doing something like that to him. Sighing in relief now that he'd been promised food, he stood up and made his way to the couch, turning his head and watching Izaya disappear into the kitchen before facing forward. Even as he stared at the screen, the only thing he could think about was that miso soup Izaya was preparing.

"So hungry, so hungry, so hungry," Shizuo kept murmuring as he shifted on the couch, unable to find a comfortable spot since he wanted nothing more than to get up and raid Izaya's kitchen now that the bastard said he could eat. He almost felt like a dog waiting for its master to feed it. Perhaps that was exactly what Izaya was hoping for when he chose to take care of him instead of throwing him out after kicking him into unconsciousness. It bothered Shizuo quite a lot, but he wasn't foolish enough to refuse help, food and shelter from someone even if that someone happened to be the man who'd tried to kill him on numerous occasions before.

Time seemed to pass unbelievably slowly while he waited for Izaya to prepare the soup, making the wait that much more unbearable. He remembered not actually watching but trying to watch a documentary about time and relativity but not really paying much attention to it because he couldn't stop thinking about how much he hated Izaya. Now more than ever, he wished he'd paid attention because he sure as hell wanted to know why it seemed like the seconds passed slower and slower the longer he stared in the direction of the kitchen, the smell alone enough to drive him insane.

After a while, he started wondering if perhaps Izaya was taking his sweet time in order to torture him, but just as he was about to get up and raid the kitchen whether Izaya approved of it or not, the insect stepped into the living room, a satisfied smirk plastered all over that extremely annoying face.

"Dinner is served~" Izaya announced in a singsong voice, chuckling as he watched the beast swallow and lick his lips in anticipation.

Even though he had very little energy left, Shizuo still sprang to his feet and practically ran into the kitchen, sat at the table, picked up the spoon, scooped some soup and shoved it into his mouth before Izaya even managed to catch up to him.

"Shit!" Shizuo ended up cursing when the hot liquid went down his throat, but he continued to eat the soup anyway, not in the least deterred by the feeling of his insides getting burned.

"Slow down, brute, or you're going to drown or something," Izaya advised, shaking his head in disapproval at the sight of Shizuo raising the bowl and drinking the remainder of the soup.

"Seconds!" Shizuo requested as he raised the bowl. "Please," he then added, realizing that he was being rude.

Sighing, Izaya refilled the bowl, finally giving up on trying reasoning with the starved beast. The second bowl disappeared just as quickly as the first and Izaya wasn't in the least surprised when the beast asked for yet another refill, practically begging like a dog for more food.

"Eat, Shizu-chan, eat. You need to get your strength back," Izaya said as he sat down and placed his elbows on the tabletop, but it looked like Shizuo was too busy stuffing his face to even hear what was being said to him. It didn't matter. _After all, you're going to need your strength if you're to be of any use to me._


	74. Shadows Follow

The next three days, Shizuo ate everything that Izaya cooked for him, from miso soup to soft and eventually solid food. Because of that Izaya's fridge was now empty and the flea had gone out to buy more food. A part of him was feeling bad about making Izaya work so hard on feeding him, but there was just something peaceful about seeing the flea cook that Shizuo couldn't get enough of. Sure, the pest laughed at him and mocked him about eating like a beast, a brute or even a pig, but there was always a smile on Izaya's face, even if most of the times it was malicious, and that was something Shizuo enjoyed a lot since a sad or scared Izaya was not something he wanted to see again anytime soon.

Unfortunately, there had been a few times when Shizuo caught Izaya staring into space, wearing a tormented expression of mental anguish, but luckily those moments didn't last for long since the flea seemed to be pretty good at pretending nothing was wrong by forcing a smile on his face and insulting him again to most likely distract himself from memories of the violence inflicted upon him.

The thing that stood out the most though when it came to Izaya was the flea's constant need to assert his dominance. The insect would hover around him and then use verbal conflict as an excuse to either wrap thin and usually cold fingers around his nape, fist a hand into his hair or grab him by the arm, all of the above things that Shizuo himself had done to Izaya in the past. Half the time, Shizuo had to fight the temptation to break Izaya's arm for daring to grab him like that, but the other half he resigned himself to the knowledge that it was what the flea needed and if he could at least give him that, then perhaps it would help Izaya heal a bit.

As for himself, most of the times Shizuo was quite good at locking away the past even though he was seeing and talking to Izaya for so many hours a day, but sometimes he couldn't help but vividly recall the things he'd done to the flea and in such moments the self-hatred would increase tenfold and run rampant, leaving him unable to pay attention to what the flea was saying. Izaya would then insult him for not answering and then proceed to completely ignore him for a few hours. It suited Shizuo just fine though, especially when all he could see and hear even as he stared into space was Izaya's smaller body twisting in agony and the man's heartwrenching screams.

Living together was certainly not easy, but both of them were obviously doing their best to remain calm even though at times they still wanted to kill each other. It was all for the sake of Kasuka and because of that Shizuo was willing to do _anything_ to save his brother, even if it meant doing things for Izaya, whatever that meant.

.

Tanaka Tom could say that the day he found out that Shizuo was alive had been one of the happiest days of his life. Now, twenty or so hours later, he realized that he could no longer wait for Shizuo to contact him so he got on the subway heading for Shinjuku to pay his best friend a visit. He was still surprised that Shizuo's brother had lied, but what was even more shocking than Hanejima Yuuhei lying on television was that Shizuo was staying at Izaya's place. He almost couldn't believe it when he first heard about it from the Black Rider, but Celty Sturluson wasn't one to mess with people which meant that her words had to be true.

Now more than ever he wanted to see Shizuo. He'd never been to the Informant's apartment before, but he knew how to get there since he still remembered the address written on the business card he'd given Shizuo that night when his friend seemed desperate to talk to Izaya.

It didn't take him long to get to Izaya's apartment, and even though he didn't feel like seeing the Informant, he still knocked on the door, mind set on seeing his best friend no matter what. To his surprise and joy, the one he saw as the door opened was his friend and not Orihara Izaya.

"Tom-senpai!" Shizuo exclaimed in surprise, his voice full of emotion.

Without a word, Tom stepped forward and gave Shizuo a manly hug, his friend returning the gesture before they both pulled away, smiling. "So you're alive, huh? That's good, very good."

Shizuo nodded, since he couldn't find his voice, and gestured to his friend to come in.

"What happened?" Tom asked as he sat down on the couch, happy to see that the Informant wasn't home.

Shizuo sat down as well, smile gone and replaced by a frown since he hated lying to his friend ― telling the man the truth was out of the question. "I'm not even sure myself. I was drugged so I passed out, then I got stabbed, I somehow ended up in a coma and woke up two months later. That's all I know besides finding out that my brother had been kidnapped."

"I heard about it on the news. I'm really sorry about that. I want to help but I don't know how," Tom told him sincerely. He wasn't exactly friends with Kasuka, but he still knew the younger Heiwajima since the three of them had ended up hanging out together a few times when Shizuo was still in high school.

"Izaya's helping me out with this," Shizuo revealed in a low voice, thinking that Tom would disapprove.

"What? I almost can't believe that, but then again I have no doubts that if he's really going to help you find Kasuka, he's doing it for his own gain," Tom commented, now frowning as well.

"Yeah, I know," Shizuo admitted in an unhappy voice. He hated the idea of being Izaya's lapdog, but if doing shady stuff was the price for getting his little brother back, then he was willing to pay it.

"What he asked in return for helping you out?"

Shizuo lowered his head. "He said I'm going to have to do stuff for him."

Tom's frown deepened as he realized the implications of what his friend was saying. "Do it."

"What?" Shizuo exclaimed in surprise, raising his head and blinking as he stared at his senpai in disbelief.

"Orihara Izaya is one of the best when it comes to finding people, so if he's willing to help you even though you two hate each other, then do it. I doubt he'd ask you to kill someone, so I'm guessing that what he needs from you is not that different from what you did when you worked with me," Tom concluded. He hated the idea of Orihara Izaya using his best friend for shady stuff, but he trusted Shizuo to know when to stop since his friend was not as stupid as Izaya thought he was.

"Thank you," Shizuo spoke sincerely, his heart feeling a bit lighter knowing that his friend supported him.

"Anyway, I think I'd better go now before he comes back," Tom said as he stood up. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you alive."

"I'm sorry for making you worry."

"It's not your fault. I really wanted to believe you were alive when I saw a few pictures of you online but I feared it was all a hoax. Luckily, I ran into the Black Rider and she confirmed that you are alive and then told me where I could find you."

Shizuo smiled, making a mental note to thank Celty for telling his senpai where to find him. The truth was that he'd missed Tom and he was glad to finally see and talk to the man even if the situation was anything but happy because of all the things happening.

"Anyway, I'm off before Izaya comes back," Tom said, grimacing a bit at the thought of leaving Shizuo alone with Izaya. Truth be told, he was honestly surprised that Shizuo was actually looking better than in those photos circulating online where he resembled a walking corpse. It was almost as though Izaya had actually taken care of his friend. _No, no way, not possible,_ he thought as he shook his head before making his way to the door. "Don't be a stranger!"

"I won't," Shizuo assured him as he watched his friend disappear behind the elevator doors. He wished he could've left with his senpai, but he couldn't; not yet anyway.

.

Izaya was almost done shopping when he decided to take a small break. Sighing, he placed the bags on the bench and sat down as well, for once choosing a more secluded area since he felt that it was a good time to call his therapist since she was most likely taking her lunch break. Frowning a bit, he fished out his phone from his jacket pocket, dialed her number and raised the device to his ear.

_"__I was wondering if you'd call again."_

"Oh?"

_"__I was worried that I might've pushed you too hard last time."_

"Fujita-san is so kind, worrying about little ol' me~"

_"__I worry about all my patients."_

"Ah, yes, of course, but anyway, you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine," Izaya assured her even though he was pouting a little.

_"__That's good to hear. Does that mean you're ready to answer the question I asked last time we talked?"_

Izaya couldn't answer right away, but when he finally did, his voice was rather low. "The answer is both."

_"__I see, thank you for answering. Now I know a little bit more. May I ask a new question?"_

"You may," Izaya answered reluctantly and swallowed thickly, fearing what she might ask next.

_"__Were you and that man in a relationship?"_

"NO!" Izaya nearly screeched, the mere idea of being in a relationship with Shizuo making his hair stand on end. "Never!"

_"__I apologize if the question bothered you, but I needed to know since some of my patients have been hurt by the people they loved."_

"I don't love Shi―" Izaya started but abruptly stopped, luckily realizing in time the mistake he was about to do. Not only would it have been awkward because her name was Shizuka, but also dangerous since Shizuo was a well known character and he didn't want to risk her finding out that the person she was talking to was Orihara Izaya. The only reason why he was even saying as much was because the woman had no idea who he was. "We were never together," he declared in a voice laced with disgust. "We've always hated each other."

_"__I see. Thank you for answering this question too. Two questions in one day, can you believe it? I call that progress."_

"Progress?" Izaya replied sarcastically.

_"__It actually is, seeing how it takes some patients months to even get here,"_Shizuka revealed in the hope of cheering him up. The better the man felt about himself, the faster he healed, or so she hoped. _"And since I won't be asking any more questions today, we can talk about anything you want."_

"Unfortunately, I have to go, so perhaps next time?"

_"__Sure. Good bye for now, Nakura-san."_

"Until next time, Fujita-san."

After pocketing the phone, Izaya stood up, picked up the bags and went to buy more food since the beast was still rather skinny compared to how he used to look before the whole coma thing. It felt weird to care about Shizuo's health instead of doing his best to put him into the ground, but a walking and talking Shizuo was far more entertaining than a dead one.

As he was thinking about what to cook when he got home, he passed a store and then went back, realizing there was one thing he forgot to buy.

"Orihara-kun, I haven't seen you in a while! How have you been?" the old woman asked, smile widening when the young man smiled back at her.

"I'm good, Maki-san. Thank you for asking. I was out of the city, that's why I haven't been to your lovely store in a while," Izaya told her as he placed the heavy bags on the counter.

"It's good to have you back. What can I get you?"

"Two cartoons of milk," Izaya said in a strange tone, sounding much like disbelief now that he was actually buying milk for the beast.

"Did you finally get a cat?" the old woman asked as she took the two cartons of milk out of the fridge and placed them in one of the bags.

Izaya laughed awkwardly as he scratched the back of his head. "It's more like a dog than anything else."

"Dogs are wonderful too!" the woman said excitedly. "They're loyal creatures. Take care of it and it'll take care of you."

"It's a wild thing really," Izaya mumbled. "I think it'd rather attack me than protect me."

"I know that people say you can't teach old dogs new tricks, but I believe you can. I have no doubt you'll succeed in training that dog."

Chuckling darkly, Izaya picked up the bags. "I sure hope so," he then said as he turned around and walked out of the store, the image of Shizuo fetching a stick eventually making him burst into hysterical laughter.

.

Shizuo was pacing the living room when he heard the lock turn and he immediately rushed to the door. "Welcome back, flea."

"Oh, how cute! Was Shizu-chan waiting for me like the good mutt that he is?" Izaya mocked as he passed him by instead of accepting the beast's help and handing over the bags. Shizuo followed him into the kitchen like a starving pet, licking his lips as Izaya started unpacking the stuff he'd bought. "Nuh uh, you're not allowed to touch this yet," Izaya made it clear by smacking Shizuo's hand away. "You can have the milk though," he then added as an afterthought as he started placing stuff inside the fridge. By the time he closed the door and turned to look at Shizuo, the idiot had already gulped down the whole thing and was now whipping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Well, that was fast," Izaya remarked as he sat down on the chair to catch his breath. "You're much livelier than you were a couple of days ago."

"Food helped," Shizuo said as he too took a seat at the opposite side of the table.

"I'm just going to rest for a minute and then I'm going to dye your hair," Izaya announced as though there was nothing weird about that.

"What?!" Shizuo exclaimed in a high-pitched tone as he instinctively moved farther away from Izaya. "You don't have to do that. I'll do it myself."

"But I want to since Shizu-chan is still so weak."

"I'm good. I can do it," Shizuo tried to assure him, but Izaya was having none of it if the threatening expression on the flea's face was anything to go by.

"I won't leave you bald, I promise~" Izaya said in a singsong voice as he stood up, picked up the dye box from inside the bag, grabbed Shizuo by the arm and started dragging him towards the bathroom.

At that point, Shizuo knew that he couldn't win the argument, so he let himself be dragged up the stairs and into the bathroom.

"I have to change, but I'll be right back."

Frowning, Shizuo turned to the mirror. His hair had indeed grown too much and he looked really weird with so much of the root showing. He also needed a haircut but he could only hope that Izaya wouldn't offer to cut his hair since he was already dreading what the flea was going to do with that dye. His eyes drifted over to the box and he picked it up to see if the flea had gotten the right color. It looked close to what he usually bought so he placed it back on the shelf beneath the mirror and ran a shaky hand through his hair. _Shit._

"Here, put these on the floor," Izaya said as he entered the bathroom and handed Shizuo some regular sheets of paper since he didn't have any newspapers. He then waited until the beast finished before moving the small chair in front of the sink, motioning for Shizuo to sit down.

"Wait, I don't want to get my T-shirt dirty. Can I take it off?" Shizuo asked for permission, knowing that it might make Izaya uncomfortable.

"It's fine. Take it off," Izaya mumbled and went to pick up a towel which he then placed around Shizuo's shoulders after the man sat down.

"Have you done this before?"

"No."

Shizuo moved to sit up, but the hand on his shoulder pushed him back down.

"Trust me, ne?" Seeing that Shizuo was no longer trying to get up, Izaya picked up the brush and proceeded to untangle Shizuo's hair since it helped with applying the dye.

"Have you at least read the instructions?" Shizuo asked, sounding panicky.

"Of course I have; don't insult me." Now smirking, Izaya picked up the conditioner included in the box and applied some on Shizuo's hairline, ears and neck, the coating making it easier to rinse off any dye he might get on the beast's skin. While a Shizuo with weird colored ears sounded fun, it wasn't something he could afford to do when he needed Ikebukuro's monster for more than a few serious jobs. "See? I know what I'm doing," Izaya bragged as he put on the gloves, dumped the dye in the bowl, mixed it up with a brush and then started applying it on the blonde hair.

Shizuo's heart, which until then had been close to bursting through his chest because of how worried he was that Izaya might completely ruin his hair, slowed down a bit when it started to look like the flea was serious about it and not just screwing around.

"Now we have to wait thirty minutes for the dye to set in," Izaya announced once he was done as he placed a shower cap to cover Shizuo's hair and took off his gloves, looking smug.

"Thanks," Shizuo spoke softly as he walked out of the bathroom and headed downstairs, hoping to distract himself with anything that was on TV because thinking that his archenemy and the man he'd broken with his own two hands had just dyed his hair was too strange for words. It felt like the more time they spent around each other, the more twisted their interactions got. He kept staring at the screen for a while, not really noticing what was going on around him until he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him. "W-What?" he stuttered a bit, surprised to notice that Izaya was right in his face, those red eyes looking at him with a mix of annoyance and amusement.

"You were crying about food earlier so I made you a sandwich," Izaya said as he straightened his back and pointed to the plate on the coffee table.

"Sorry, I was spacing out," Shizuo told him as he reached for the sandwich. "I was just thinking how weird everything is."

Izaya sat down next to Shizuo, eyes looking at the TV screen even though he wasn't really paying attention to what was happening there. "It is, isn't it?"

Since he was busy chewing on the mouthful of sandwich he'd just bitten off, Shizuo nodded instead of answering.

"But we both know exactly what led to this," Izaya continued in a surprisingly hollow voice as opposed to the angry tone he normally used whenever he talked about the past. A heavy silence descended upon the both of them, and just as Shizuo was about to speak, Izaya opened his mouth first. "Don't say it," he warned.

Shizuo swallowed his apology and took another bite from the sandwich, the delicious thing now tasting like ash. He still ate it though, aware that he needed the energy to get his strength back as soon as possible.

They spent the next twenty minutes in silence, until the alarm on Izaya's phone went off, letting them know that it was time to rinse the hair.

"I'll do this part myself," Shizuo said as he stood up.

"Yeah, do that," Izaya agreed, pretending to be interested in what was happening on the screen. The truth was that the bickering and everything else was fine as long as they didn't seriously discuss the past since such a thing always made his mood plummet and the simple act of looking at Shizuo was too much when all he could see was the vicious beast from that night.

Since the pain and hatred seemed to be rolling off of Izaya in waves, Shizuo hurried up the stairs and entered the bathroom, immediately removing the shower cap and proceeding to rinse away the dye while trying to think of something to say that would bring Izaya back to the present since the man seemed to have once again fallen pray to memories of the past. He mindlessly continued to rinse his hair, only realizing that something was wrong when the water started to run clear and yet his hair appeared to be anything but blonde. In fact, it looked suspiciously close to his natural dark brown color. _Fuck._

"IIIIZAAAAYAAAAAA!" Shizuo roared and dashed out of the bathroom, the flea jumping to his feet and running behind the desk before Shizuo even reached the ground floor. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" Shizuo shouted in anger as he grabbed a few locks of dark brown hair. "I knew you were up to no good, you fucking bastard!"

"You stand out way too much because of your blonde hair," Izaya explained, tensing the moment Shizuo grabbed the edge of the desk. He didn't put it past the brute to flip or push the damn thing out the window.

"Fuck you! I liked my blonde hair!" Shizuo growled, hands trembling violently with the need to wrap around Izaya's thin neck and squeeze the life out of the pest once and for all.

"This will allow you to move around inconspicuously, which is always a good thing," Izaya tried to explain, but it didn't look like Shizuo cared since the beast jumped over the desk and tried to grab him. Izaya managed to escape in time but he ended up regretting having angered Shizuo when the beast started chasing him around the apartment, roaring insults and promises of pain to come. Truth was that he hadn't expected Shizuo to get this angry.

And then it happened, so suddenly that Izaya could hardly believe it. Fear washed over him like a giant wave hitting a shore, that one moment of losing his balance enough for Shizuo to run into him and send the both of them crashing down on the floor.

"I've got you now, bastard," Shizuo hissed as he wrapped one hand around Izaya's nape and used the other to twist the bastard's arm behind his back, not yet realizing that Izaya was trembling beneath his hands. "Maybe I should dye your hair blonde to see how you'd like that." When he got no answer, he shook Izaya a bit. "Oi, flea, did you hear me?" This time however he felt the violent shudder wrecking the smaller man's frame and something clicked in his mind, his expression morphing into one of pure horror when he realized that he was pinning Izaya down not much differently than how he'd done it that night. He immediately pulled back his hands as though he'd been burned, his vision nearly wavering when he caught sight of Izaya's face and realized that the man was most likely having a panic attack.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Shizuo uttered in a soft remorseful voice as he moved away from Izaya, figuring that he needed to give the man some space. To his surprise, Izaya stood up soon after, not saying a word even as he headed out the door. Despite telling himself that he shouldn't follow Izaya because it wasn't right, he still did it, worried that the man might pass out since he looked as white as a ghost. To his horror, Izaya went up the stairs towards the rooftop, the idea that the flea might jump taking root in his mind and staying there.

Once he reached the top stairs Izaya stepped onto the roof, not hearing Shizuo's footsteps with how hard his teeth were chattering. He doubted he could keep his balance so he didn't approach the edge, choosing to stop halfway there. He then pulled out his phone, dialed a number and raised it to his ear.

_"__I must say I'm surprised to get a second call from you today."_

Izaya opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

_"__Nakura-san?"_

"…"

_"__Nakura-san, what's wrong?"_

"…"

_"__If you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you."_

"…"

_"__It's okay, you can get through this,"_ Shizuka then said, the heavy breathing a clue that her patient was having a panic attack. _"Concentrate on your breathing. Stay in the present."_

Izaya tried to do that, but it wasn't working as long as he could still feel Shizuo's hands on him. Realizing that he'd made a mistake in calling her, he ended the call and lowered himself to a crouching position, not knowing that Shizuo was watching him to make sure he stayed safe.


	75. Traces of Damage

The next two days were not easy. Izaya was acting coldly hostile toward him, colder than ever before, and the atmosphere was so chilly that Shizuo found himself shivering or wincing more than once whenever Izaya would use too much force to close a door, a drawer or type on the keyboard. The man still served him food, but it tasted bland compared to the previous times and Shizuo could do nothing but eat it anyway knowing that refusing would further infuriate Izaya. He felt horrible, having lost his temper like that over something as silly as his hair being dyed the wrong color, especially when the more he thought about it, the more sense Izaya's words made seeing how blending in would be more to his advantage when enemies, the press and who knew who else were after him.

Though Shizuo was getting better at controlling his temper, there had still moments when the anger was too strong to reign in and he'd fallen prey to it. After so many years of trying his hardest to catch the flea, it felt weird not to run after him whenever the bastard pissed him off. His only consolation was that the impulse he got that night to fuck Izaya into the ground hadn't returned since then. If it had, Shizuo wouldn't have dared to go anywhere near Izaya, especially after promising the man to never hurt him that way again. Shizuo had to admit that Izaya was a brave soul for allowing him to stay there.

Strangely enough, even though Izaya was normally a light sleeper, he seemed to have fallen asleep with his head resting on the desk while Shizuo was watching TV and now the man wasn't even hearing the sound of the phone ringing. At first, Shizuo ignored it, but when it rang again five minutes later and the flea was still not waking up, he got up and made his way to the desk where he called out to Izaya, but not before making sure he was at a safe enough distance as to not startle him again. "Oi, flea, wake up! Your phone is ringing."

Whether it was his voice or the proximity, Shizuo did not know, but Izaya finally woke up, groaning and slowly pushing himself off the desk. To his horror, Shizuo ended up seeing something he didn't really think he'd ever see when it came to the flea as Izaya turned to him, looking sleepy, annoyed and confused all into one. Their eyes only met for a brief second before Shizuo turned the other way, face going red in embarrassment because of what he'd just seen. "Your ph-phone was ringing," he stuttered as he rushed back to the couch and sat down, now worried that the flea might freak out because of what had just happened.

It didn't take Izaya long to figure out why Shizuo was acting so strange, not with how uncomfortable it felt to have his hard-on constricted by the material of his pants. Horrified, he pretty much ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, closing the door and then locking it while his heart beat wildly inside his chest. The thought that the beast could do anything to him and he wouldn't be able to stop him was only making things worse, so he took a few deep breaths, hoping to calm down.

Downstairs, Shizuo started pacing the living room, a dark expression on his face. It didn't take a genius to guess what Izaya had to be thinking that very moment and it somehow made him feel like shit because he had no intention of going after him. He would much rather die than see that expression on Izaya's face again. Thinking that it might be better to give Izaya some space, he picked up the cigarette pack and the lighter and made sure to slam the door hard enough for the flea to hear from inside the bathroom.

As the sound reached his ears, Izaya sighed in relief but didn't go out just yet even though his erection had flagged soon after entering the bathroom. The past few days had been really hard on him and the truth was that he was quite scared of Shizuo at times after being reminded just how easy it was to make him angry. At least Shizuo had been considerate enough to go out for a while to give him some time alone so Izaya opened the door a few minutes later and went downstairs where he sat down in his chair and turned to the view outside the window.

Shizuo spent about half an hour on the rooftop, wanting to give Izaya some time to calm down. When he finally came back he found the flea at the desk, typing away at the laptop and pretending he hadn't heard him come in. "Izaya, we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Izaya stated calmly without even looking at him.

"Yes there is, like the fact that you thought I might snap and rape you again after seeing your hard-on."

This time Izaya's head snapped in Shizuo's direction, surprised that the beast hadn't stuttered at all while saying all of that. "Well, I'm sorry that anything sex-related makes me really uncomfortable, especially when you're around," Izaya replied sarcastically, realizing too late that he'd made the mistake of telling the beast just how damaged he was because of what happened.

"I'm not surprised. I was really violent that night, but you need to understand something."

"I don't want to talk about that night," Izaya hissed the words and his eyes narrowed into slits as he glared at the dumb beast for a few moments before his eyes settled on the laptop screen again.

"I know, but there are still some things you need to hear," Shizuo insisted as he placed his hands on the desk and leaned forward a bit. "What happened that night was more of a power thing. I mostly did it because I wanted to hurt you and not because I loved you and wanted to have sex with you or some shit like that. I know that I'm a monster for getting off on your pain, but that's what happened." The truth was a little more complicated than that, but it didn't matter. All he cared about was reassuring Izaya that he wouldn't go after him again.

"What I'm trying to say is that I never want to hurt you again and that what happened wasn't your fault. I'm not stupid enough to think you'd want it just because you got a hard-on while sleeping, especially when we're both guys and we know how those damn things have a mind of their own."

Izaya had stopped typing and was instead just staring at the screen while his brain was trying to process the beast's words. He was feeling sick about being reminded that Shizuo had gotten off on his pain but at the same time he felt some relief knowing that the man who had made him cry was not interested in having sex with him again.

"Izaya, please look at me."

Izaya swallowed the lump in his throat and raised his head slowly, red eyes now staring into mocha ones.

"I'd rather die than hurt you that way again."

Izaya didn't know what to say to that, but luckily the phone rang and he picked it up, at the same time remembering that the reason Shizuo had woken him up in the first place was because someone had called earlier.

"What you got?"

_"__I found the van. You got until midnight before I let my colleagues know."_

"Where is it?"

_"I'll text you the address in a second."_

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Izaya told the man before ending the call and standing up. "Shizu-chan, get ready to leave."

"Huh?"

"Someone found the van used in your brother's kidnapping. We have to go soon if you want to see it before the police shows up."

"I'll be right back," Shizuo said as he rushed up the stairs and into the bedroom, changing at the speed of light and then hurrying downstairs. "Let's go."

"We'll leave in about fifteen minutes or so. Shiki-san is sending us a car."

"The yakuza guy," Shizuo mumbled unhappily since he wasn't particularly fond of the yakuza and he didn't want to be in their debt.

"Yes, the yakuza guy," Izaya repeated in an annoyed voice as he picked up the keys and moved to get the coat. "Beggars can't be choosers," he then added with a sneer, effectively silencing any future complaints.

They waited in silence, Shizuo pacing the living room and Izaya sitting in his chair until the phone finally rang and Izaya was told the car had arrived. "Let's go," he told the idiot who looked like he was really close to losing his patience.

After locking the door and following Shizuo inside the elevator even though he felt uncomfortable at being stuck with the beast in such a small space even for a second, they finally walked out of the building and found that two cars were waiting for them instead of one. "Shiki-san…" Izaya uttered in surprise while Shizuo couldn't help but glower at the high-ranking Yakuza. As though having Shiki there wasn't already bad enough, Aozaki and Akabayashi were present as well.

"I see that you're still in one piece, informant-san," Shiki said before his eyes left Izaya and they settled on the famous Ikebukuro's beast. "I must say I'm surprised."

Shizuo frowned but said nothing, figuring that it was best to let Izaya do the talking.

"Anyway," Shiki continued as he turned his attention to Izaya, "shall we go?"

"We…?" Izaya asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

"Yes," Shiki answered as he dropped the cigarette butt on the ground and crushed it under the sole of his shoe. "Now, could you please go with Aozaki and Akabayashi? There are a few things I'd like to talk to Heiwajima Shizuo in private."

Izaya reluctantly made his way to the car, not really looking forward to spending any time in the company of the Blue and Red Demons. Aozaki especially was making him nervous because he couldn't get out of his head this crazy idea that the man could see the weakness in him ever since that time the Awakusu-kai had paid him a visit and his healing rib ended up getting broken again.

It looked like the two yakuza executives were doing their best to make him even more uncomfortable since Akabayashi took a seat in the front with the driver while Izaya was forced to stay in the back with Aozaki. He almost wished he would've been allowed to go with Shiki and Shizuo even if he needed some time away from the idiotic brute, but Shiki wanted to talk to Shizuo alone and Izaya couldn't deny him that after disappearing for two months and leaving the man without his main informant. His own discomfort aside, he could only hope that Shizuo would not snap. He didn't think it'd end up well; not for Shiki, but for Shizuo since the Awakusu-kai Executive was no pushover.

Inside the other car, Shizuo remained silent. He didn't want the Yakuza helping out, but like Izaya had said, _"beggars can't be choosers."_

"Heiwajima Shizuo," Shiki addressed him in a confident tone, as though he wasn't talking to someone who could easily break him in half. "Since we'll be working together, I thought it'd be a good idea to get to know each other a bit."

Shizuo's head snapped in Shiki's direction and he stared at the man in disbelief, hoping that he'd heard him wrong. "What…?"

"Didn't informant-san tell you?"

"He didn't specify what I was going to have to do exactly," Shizuo answered with a frown now that he knew for certain that Izaya would make him work for the Yakuza. He was willing to fight if that was the price he had to pay for getting Kasuka back, but he knew he'd have to make it clear that there were some things he wouldn't do no matter what. "I'm not going to kill anyone and I'm not going to hurt innocent people."

"We wouldn't ask you to," Shiki assured him.

.

They arrived outside Gifu at the place where the van had been abandoned sometime during the evening, and since Izaya couldn't wait to get out of the car after being stuck with Aozaki and Akabayashi for way too long, he pretty much ran out as soon as it stopped, making the two yakuza chuckle darkly.

"They talk too much," Izaya defended himself when Shiki gave him an amused look.

Shiki's eyes drifted over to his men who were still inside the car, waiting for him, and then back to Izaya. "I'm going to go see the Gifu yakuza head, but I'm leaving you a car to take you back to Tokyo."

"How kind of you, Shiki-san~"

Shizuo, who had heard the conversation, approached Izaya. "Why's he going there?" he asked as one of the cars drove away.

Izaya shrugged. "I don't know. He might want to talk business or to ask for a favor. If there's one thing I've learned about Shiki-san over the years, is that it's best not to ask him too many questions."

"It's weird to hear that from you, seeing how you're an Informant and all that," Shizuo commented as he took the flashlight being handed to him by the driver Shiki left behind.

Snickering, Izaya took a flashlight as well and they both made their way to the abandoned van after talking to the police officer who'd called him earlier that day and who went back to his car to give them some privacy after warning them not to touch anything. Izaya had expected the brute to tear the van apart, so he couldn't have been more surprised when Shizuo stopped at quite a distance away from it. "What's wrong, Shizu-chan?"

"I'm afraid of what I might find inside," Shizuo confessed in a trembling voice.

Izaya carefully approached the van and peeked inside. "There's no corpse if that's what you're worried about."

Reluctantly, Shizuo closed the distance until he was standing right beside the opened side door. The simple knowledge that his precious little brother had been inside there was enough to make his heart ache, ache which only increased in intensity when he saw the dry blood. There wasn't enough to indicate that Kasuka had been injured gravely, but the sight still squeezed his heart in a vice grip.

"It looks like the kidnapper didn't leave any visible traces behind," Izaya remarked with a frown, "but if we're lucky, the police might find a fingerprint or a strand of hair."

Shizuo didn't answer. Instead, he just stood there, eyes fixed on the dry blood as he wondered if Kasuka was still alive or if he was being hurt that very moment.

.

It was the eleventh day and Kasuka couldn't even remember what food tasted like. That would've been okay, if not for the extremely dry mouth and the disgusting taste he was constantly feeling. As if that wasn't already bad enough, he barely had the energy to move and it was quite scary how much skinnier he was after his body had been feeding on his muscles for more than a week now. He couldn't deny that he preferred hunger over getting repeatedly raped this whole time, but now more than ever he knew that he couldn't escape when the simple act of standing up was enough to make him dizzy.

"Did you hear me?" Slon asked with a frown as he tightened his hold around Kasuka's jaw when he realized that his prisoner was not really paying attention.

"What?" Kasuka asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Will you tell me what I want to know?" Slon growled the question, sick and tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.

"No."

Having reached the end of his patience, Slon pulled back his hand and punched Kasuka, hard enough to draw blood.

Kasuka hissed in pain when the back of his head hit the wall. He licked his split bloody lip and groaned in pain as he made himself smaller, very much aware that he stood no chance at fighting back.

"Speak," Slon growled the order as he grabbed Kasuka by the arm and pulled him away from the corner.

Kasuka shook his head and tried to pry the Russian's fingers away from his arm, but the man backhanded him and then pulled him up to his feet.

"You look even more like a woman now," Slon remarked as he pushed Kasuka against the wall and kept him there, eyes roaming over the now much skinnier face and torso. "I wonder how long your hair will grow by the time you finally decide to tell me everything."

The disturbing look in Slon's eye made Kasuka shudder in both disgust and fear since he had no doubts about what the man wanted from him besides information on Izaya. The Russian's hand then wandered to his hip and Kasuka wanted to just push the man away but he couldn't because his own arms had been trapped above his head by Slon's much larger hand wrapped around both his wrists.

"Maybe you'll tell me next time," Slon whispered in his prisoner's ear before pulling away and walking out of the room.

The moment the door closed, Kasuka slid down the wall, trembling.

.

After looking around the place to see if they could find anything that the kidnapper might've left behind, and after finding nothing, Shizuo and Izaya got into the car and they were taken back to Tokyo.

"That was disappointing," Izaya said as he stared out the window at the other cars driving by and the people going about their lives, "but at least now we have an idea where he might be."

"You should've let me stay there so that I could look for him," Shizuo muttered angrily after turning around a bit so that he could glare at Izaya who was sitting alone in the back seat.

Izaya ignored the angry stare and instead continued to look out the window. "It would've been pointless. I said I'll find him and I will, so let me worry about that. You just take care of your end of the deal."

"And what might that be? Working for the yakuza? You offered my services without even consulting me first!"

"Shut up," Izaya hissed as he made a gesture toward the driver to remind Shizuo they were not alone.

Realizing that he'd made a mistake talking in front of the driver, he swallowed the insult threatening to come out and spent the rest of the way in silence until the car finally stopped and they both got out. Surprisingly enough, they weren't in front of the building where Izaya lived. "What're we doing here?"

Without answering, Izaya made his way inside, an irritated Shizuo following behind him.

"Oi, flea, stop ignoring me and answer the question already," Shizuo demanded as they got out of the elevator. They were still in Shinjuku and the apartment Izaya had just walked into was also at the top floor but he couldn't understand what they were doing there and whose place it was.

"This is where you're going to be living for a while," Izaya finally answered. He then turned on the lights and went inside, opening the doors to show the beast just how much space there was. "As you can see, there's a living room, a bedroom, a kitchen and a bathroom."

Shizuo had frozen near the door, trying to understand what Izaya was saying. "What? How? Why?"

"It's my apartment," Izaya clarified as he opened the window to let in some air. "It's safer here in Shinjuku than at your place in Ikebukuro."

"Is it because of what happened today?" Shizuo asked in a low voice, suddenly feeling like a bad dog which had angered its master and was now being abandoned.

As he turned to Shizuo, Izaya put on a smile. "It's because Shizu-chan is feeling better now. Anyway, I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow," Izaya chirped as he placed the keys on the coffee table and made his way to the door.

Shizuo watched him leave while he blamed himself for having scared Izaya again.

.

For the first time in days, Izaya felt safe again as he sat down in his desk chair and breathed in relief. The truth was that Shizuo's presence there had made him uncomfortable from day one and after the conflict they had which resulted in physical violence he no longer felt safe around the beast. It wasn't that he necessarily thought Shizuo would assault him again but more because he wanted to sleep in peace without having to worry that the man who had raped him was living in his house and that Shizuo might snap and break one of his bones or worse. He was just thinking that he was too tired to change the sheets and that he might end up sleeping on the couch again when the phone rang and he answered it.

_"__My driver said you two got to Tokyo safely."_

"Of course we did~ Why wouldn't we?"

_"__Because he's Heiwajima Shizuo and you're Orihara Izaya. I'm surprised that you two haven't killed each other yet,"_ Shiki admitted in an amused tone.

Izaya sighed softly. "You're not the only one."

_"__Anyway, I called to let you know that the Go__rudendoragon group from Gifu agreed to look into Hanejima Yuuhei's disappearance as well since it seems that many of the members are fans. They were surprised to find out that the abandoned car had been found right outside of their area."_

Surprised at the news, for the first time in a long time, Izaya didn't know what to say. Finally he settled on something simple. "Thank you, Shiki-san."

_"__I'll see you tomorrow, Informant-san."_

Smiling, Izaya lowered the phone and placed it on the desk. It was nice to get help once in a while without having to ask for it, but he didn't get time to enjoy it because the doorbell rang and he stomped in the direction of the door, thinking that the idiotic brute had ran away from there and came to his apartment to beg for food or something. When he opened it and saw who was there, he wished it had been Shizuo.

"I need to speak to Shizuo-san," Ruri announced in her usual monotonous voice as she patted Yuigadokusonmaru's head.

"He's not here right now," Izaya told her, eyes fixed on the cat.

"Where may I find him?"

Smirking, Izaya's eyes moved from the cat to her face. "What do you need him for?"

"That's between me and Shizuo-san."

Izaya shrugged. "If you don't tell me what you need, I can't tell you where he is."

"I need him to take care of Yuigadokusonmaru for a few days," Ruri finally answered, knowing that Orihara Izaya was a bastard who wouldn't tell her a thing unless he found out what he wanted to know.

"I'll take the cat to him tomorrow," Izaya said in a sweet voice as he extended his arms. "You can leave it here with me."

Ruri took a step backwards, for a fraction of a second thinking that he might hurt Kasuka's cat, but when the man did nothing else and continued to wait like that, she realized that she might've jumped to conclusions. "I'd prefer to take Yuigadokusonmaru to Shizuo-san myself."

"I won't hurt him," Izaya promised. "I'm not that cruel," he then added in a serious tone. "Besides, I have some fatty tuna in the fridge that I know he'll love."

Truth was that the private detective Ruri had hired was waiting for her downstairs and she couldn't waste any more time, so even though she didn't trust Izaya, she still handed him Yuigadokusonmaru. "If something happens to him, I'll rip your still beating heart out of your chest," she promised.

Chuckling, Izaya pulled Yuigadokusonmaru to his chest, the one that still had the beating heart Ruri promised to rip out, and placed a hand on top of the cat's head. "Yes, of course, I have no doubt you would. Bye~" he then added as he closed the door, locked it and made his way to the couch.

"Do you want to eat now or are you full?"

Yuigadokusonmaru meowed as he curled into a tight ball on his lap.

Izaya picked up the remote control with the hand that he wasn't using to pat the cat and pressed the _on_ button. "Alright then~ You sleep while I watch some TV."

"Meow!"


	76. Trapped Under Ice

The first thing Izaya did after waking up the next morning was to go out and buy a litter box for Yuigadokusonmaru. "There you go," Izaya told the cat as he moved away from the box. "You're all set now. How about some food~?" he then continued in a singsong voice as he dangled a bag of cat food between his fingers. "I was going to give you some of my food but then I realized that might not be such a good idea. After all, you're a cat, aren't you, Yu...doku... eh... what was your name again? Hmm... I think I'll call you Doku-chan. How's that? Do you like it?"

The cat meowed in response and rubbed its head against Izaya's right leg. "So cute! Cats are so much better than dogs~" Izaya sang happily as he bounced in the direction of the bowl which he filled with cat food. He then watched Yuigadokusonmaru eat, once in a while chuckling as memories of Shizuo stuffing his face came back to him. "It's like I have two pets~"

Once the cat was done eating he picked it up and made his way to the desk where he sat in his chair, petting it while contemplating whether or not he should call his therapist. "What do you think, Doku-chan? Should I call Shizu-chan?"

The cat purred and curled into a tighter ball.

"You're right. I should," he decided. "I'm going to call her." Izaya was a bit nervous because of what happened the last time he'd talked to her but he had no doubts that Fujita Shizuka knew exactly why he hadn't answered at the time. After all, she was a really smart woman. Picking up the phone, he looked for her number in the contacts list and then called her once he found it. "Good morning, Fujita-san."

Shizuka was actually feeling relieved to get the call since this man who called himself Nakura appeared to be one of those patients who gave up on therapy after a few sessions. _"It's good to hear from you again, Nakura-san."_

Izaya chuckled at her words. "That's not something I hear very often."

_"Really? That's a shame_," she feigned surprise._"I'm sure Nakura-san is very good company."_It wasn't that she thought he was necessarily bad, but she could tell that he kept people at a distance, most likely to avoid getting hurt.

"I really am not, but that's beside the point. Anyway, about the last time I called..."

_"You were having a panic attack."_

As much as it shamed him to admit, Izaya chose to speak the truth since lying wouldn't help him get better. "Yes."

_"I assume there was a trigger."_

"Mhm…"

_"I know that Nakura-san is not yet ready to talk so I won't ask about what happened, but what I can do is suggest that you avoid things, people and situations which might trigger panic attacks, at least until you think you're ready to face them."_

"Yesterday I got rid of the biggest potential trigger," Izaya told her, laughing a bit as he remembered Shizuo's crushed expression when he left him alone in that apartment. "But I have no plans of running away anymore. I am talking to you, aren't I?"

_"Yes, and that's the very first step towards healing. Unfortunately, too few take it."_

Thinking about it, Izaya could understand why. "Can you blame them?"

_"Not really,"_Shizuka admitted.

"That's what I thought."

_"Hmm..."_

"Yes?"

_"May I ask a question?"_

"Is it about that night?"

_"Yes, but I'm not going to ask about the attack."_

Izaya picked up Yuigadokusonmaru from his lap and held him tightly to his chest. "Ask your question."

_"What can you tell me about that night? Anything will do, even if it happened hours before the attack."_

"It was a cold rainy day," Izaya started, fingers curling tighter around the phone, "but I went out anyway. Big mistake, since I ended up running into a monster." After taking a deep breath, he continued. "He never caught me before..."

_"It's okay to stop now,"_ Shizuka eventually said when it looked like her patient couldn't continue.

"My rib was broken so I couldn't breathe very well. He s-stabbed me," Izaya revealed in a quivering voice, "and burned me with a cigarette."

To Shizuka it sounded like the beginning of torture.

"And then..." Here Izaya stopped, unsure about whether or not he should continue. Even if Shizuka didn't know who he was, it was still hard to tell her what happened. Still, there was one more thing he could tell her. "He broke my wrist."

_"I'm sorry to hear that. No one deserves to suffer like that."_

Izaya let out a bitter chuckle. "I wouldn't exactly say I didn't deserve those things, but what I didn't deserve was... no, nevermind. Until next time, Fujita-san," Izaya then said and ended the call. He wasn't yet ready to talk about _that,_ not yet anyway.

.

It was around lunch time and Shizuo was blankly staring at the TV, not really paying attention to what was being aired. All it took was less than one day to make him realize something: it was bad with Izaya, but it was worse without him. He'd gotten used to the flea's company and now it felt lonely and cold to be thrown away as though he was nothing more than an unwanted pet. "Goddam flea," he muttered as he raised his legs and wrapped his arms around them. His stomach growled and he made a sound of annoyance, inwardly cursing the insect for leaving him there with no money, no food and no phone.

He was also upset because of other things, like how the clothes he was able to find inside the apartment were a bit too small for him and thus kind of uncomfortable. As for the timing, it couldn't have been worse. There he was, thinking about what horrors his brother might be going through and Izaya wasn't there to distract him from his own dark thoughts. He wasn't even able to sleep at all, not after seeing the dry blood which clearly indicated that his brother had been hurt.

A few moments later he heard the door opening and he jumped to his feet, thankful that Izaya was there to keep him company if only for a little bit.

"Hello there, mutt," Izaya greeted him with a smile as he pushed the door with his leg.

Shizuo extended his hand to grab one of the bags Izaya was carrying. "Here, let me help."

"Left one, since it's the one with your clothes," Izaya indicated as he raised his left arm and handed Shizuo the bag, glad to finally get rid of the burden.

Shizuo took it and then carried it to the bedroom where he changed into his own clothes before making his way to kitchen where Izaya was waiting for him.

"I figured you were starving so I brought you some food~" Izaya announced in a singsong voice and proceeded to take out the plastic boxes from inside the bag. "Miso soup, rice, grilled fish and pickles; I hope that's enough for now."

Shizuo swallowed the saliva pooling inside his mouth as his eyes roamed over the nicely packed plastic boxes which contained the food Izaya had prepared for him. "Can I?" he asked in a low voice, unsure whether or not he was permitted to eat or if he had to wait.

"Dig in," Izaya replied with an indifferent expression and a shrug, though on the inside he was laughing at how desperate and pathetic the beast was. The two of them had lived in the same apartment for a little while and yet it looked like the beast had been tamed quite well if it needed to be given permission to eat. "It's kind of cold in here," Izaya remarked with a frown and got up to turn the heat on.

"So good!" Shizuo exclaimed, surprised that Izaya had made him delicious food again. He was certain that it'd taste bland like the last few times, but it didn't and he couldn't have been more grateful to the flea for being so nice to him even though he didn't deserve it after chasing him around the apartment and triggering a panic attack.

"This apartment's got heat, you know?" Izaya announced as he walked into the kitchen and sat down on the kitchen stool.

"Yeah," Shizuo answered with a mouthful of rice, not even raising his head to look at Izaya, "but it's not my apartment."

"Aww, good mutt," Izaya cooed and raised a hand to pat Shizuo on the head, smile morphing into a smirk when he saw that Shizuo wasn't complaining about the demeaning treatment and instead taking it as something completely natural. Still smirking, he pulled back his hand and placed both elbows on the tabletop. "I appreciate your consideration, but a frozen mutt is of no use to me so heat up the apartment whenever you want. You'll be paying for it anyway."

Frowning, Shizuo lowered the chopsticks and raised his head to look Izaya straight in the eyes. "I don't have any money."

"The Awakusu-kai will pay you for your work, so you will have money to pay for the heat, the food and whatever else you may need," Izaya assured him. "You know how the yakuza are, they take care of their people, and you, Shizu-chan, are one of them now. Oh, and by the way, Shiki-san talked to the Gifu yakuza head, so if your brother is anywhere inside that city, the Gorudendoragon will find him."

The malicious smirk on Izaya's face reminded Shizuo just how evil the flea could be at times, and even though he absolutely hated the idea of working for the yakuza, he had no choice since he doubted the police would find anything while the Awakuzu-kai and the Gorudendoragon had connections on the streets and knew better what went on in their cities.

"Oh, here," Izaya chirped as he handed Shizuo a phone. "It's got Shiki-san's number on it, so if he calls, you answer. Got it?"

Shizuo nodded, thanked him and took the phone, grateful to Izaya for the small black device which reminded him so much of the insect's phone. He didn't even need to inspect it before he shoved it into the pocket of his pants, certain that it already had the flea's phone number on it. "Can you tell me what I might have to do for the Awakusu-kai?"

"Nothing much, besides beating up some people. It's what you do, isn't it?" Izaya reminded him.

After swallowing the piece of grilled fish he'd just chewed on, Shizuo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but who?"

"Rival groups obviously. The biggest treat at the moment is a group called _The Blood Hounds."_

Shizuo tilted his head to the side. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"Because the leader's right hand is Sakamoto's uncle."

"I can't believe I forgot about that," Shizuo commented in a disbelieving tone. "It's just that he never talks about his family and a lot of time has passed since that incident. Now that I think about it, wasn't that the first time we fought together?"

"Sakamoto is not a very good fighter," Izaya recalled with a chuckle. "If it wasn't for Dotachin and the two of us, our dear doctor would've ended up in the hospital with most of his bones broken."

"Wasn't it then when he decided to become a doctor?" Shizuo asked as he shoved more food into his mouth.

Izaya nodded. "He felt bad that we got hurt because of him. He said that one day he'll become a doctor so that the next time we get injured, he'll treat us."

"Yeah! I can't believe I forgot how that side of Sakamoto's family is just a bunch of criminals."

"That's because he doesn't see them as family anymore. In fact, he's ashamed to be related to them," Izaya mused.

"I can't really blame him," Shizuo said as he put down the chopsticks before turning to Izaya. "Thanks for the food, flea."

The malicious smile appeared once again on Izaya's face at the sight of such a tamed beast. "You've very welcome, Shizu-chan," he said in a cheerful voice, still surprised that Ikebukuro's beast was so much easier to tame than he'd originally thought.

.

Slon hissed and pocketed the phone for what felt like the millionth time since he arrived there. If it wasn't Vorona looking for him, then it was some random person wanting to hire him to kill an enemy or spouse or the yakuza asking him to take out the competition. Normally, that wouldn't have been much of a problem, but he couldn't do any of that when all he could think about was how much he wanted Hanejima Yuuhei, but couldn't have him, and how much he hated Orihara Izaya for knowing exactly how to manipulate him into getting interested in the actor.

He wanted nothing more than to march into that room and fuck Hanejima Yuuhei, but that was exactly what Izaya wanted, even though the Informant had stopped him in the past from going through with it, and Slon didn't want to do anything he might end up regretting before knowing all the facts. Someone like Orihara Izaya wouldn't spend weeks whispering messed up things into his ear unless he had a very good reason to do so or something to gain from it and Slon wanted to know the truth since the whole thing was driving him crazy. The Informant had turned his life upside down and he was going to make him pay even if it was the last thing he did.

Nothing stopped him from going in there and torturing the actor until he found out what he wanted to know, but Hanejima Yuuhei seemed like the type of person who'd rather die than betray someone and Slon didn't want to start pulling out the nails and cutting off the fingers of someone who most likely didn't deserve any of it. Not only that but it felt wrong to damage Hanejima Yuuhei, one of the most talented actors in Japan, hence the idea of letting him starve. Hunger had a way of making _some_ people talk, but unfortunately it didn't look like the method was being successful in Yuuhei's case. Twelve days had passed since he stopped giving him food and yet the man was still stoically enduring it.

He could of course fuck him until he talked since rape too was quite the successful torture method, in most cases anyway, but doing such a thing conflicted with his unwillingness to do Izaya's bidding regardless of how much he wanted to find out the truth. It wasn't that alone though. While he might've attempted to do so in the past, it felt wrong now, especially after reflecting upon the events that had led to him pushing the actor face down into the ground and trying to rape him.

.

At first, Kasuka thought that he was freezing so badly because he was naked and because he didn't have a blanket to cover himself, but after a few days of starving he realized that the reason why he was constantly feeling as though ice was sloshing through his veins was because his body had no energy to heat up since its reserves were being used to keep him alive. His fingers were terrifyingly bony because of the weight loss and he had to admit that it scared him to look at his purplish nails. He was literally freezing to death because his body couldn't keep itself warm.

Kasuka didn't want to die without holding Ruri in his arms and seeing his family one last time, but he knew that even if he told Slon everything, the man would still kill him, but not before satisfying the lust Kasuka could sense every time the Russian walked in. It made his skin crawl with disgust and left him feeling utter hopelessness knowing that he wouldn't be able to stop the man when it finally happened. Telling himself that it wouldn't be as bad didn't work either, not when every time he heard the sounds of approaching footsteps he couldn't help but tremble just a little bit harder, as he was doing that very moment as the door opened and the man walked in.

"How about some Pocky?" Slon asked as he sat down on the bed and placed the box on the mattress in front of the trembling tight ball that was Hanejima Yuuhei. When the actor didn't make any move to pick it up, Slon sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair. "Listen, you're going to starve to death if you don't eat soon. Are you really okay with that?"

As much as he wanted to extend a hand and pick it up, he had a feeling that Slon would stop him if he attempted to do so and then beat him up for thinking that he could eat without giving him any sort of information in return, so he didn't.

"Why are you protecting Izaya after what he tried doing to you?" Slon hissed the question, anger quickly starting to overcome his senses as it did every time he was denied the information he sorely needed to exact his revenge on the man who had messed up his head and then left him for dead. "Just tell me what I want to know, and this," he said as he made a gesture indicating their surroundings, "everything, will stop."

The problem with Slon's request was that Kasuka didn't want Izaya to get hurt either. The more time he spent there, the more he pitied the man. If he was feeling so sick from only thinking about what was going to happen to him once the Russian decided he'd had enough, he could only imagine how much worse Izaya must have felt after experiencing the horror of being taken against his will. As such, he was finding it harder and harder to blame Izaya for seeking revenge on his brother. His family was however still the main reason why he was maintaining his silence. Unfortunately, the more time he spent locked in that room, the more disgust he felt towards Shizuo's past actions which were absolutely despicable no matter how he looked at it.

"Lower your knees," Slon ordered in a commanding voice, hoping to scare the actor into telling him what he wanted to know.

Kasuka slowly shook his head and further tightened trembling arms around his legs.

"Lower them, I said," Slon growled dangerously, hands flying forwards and pulling at Kasuka's legs when the actor refused to comply. He could've sworn he heard a whimper, but he couldn't be sure with all the commotion the struggling was causing. Even so, he should've known better than to underestimate Hanejima Yuuhei again, something he was reminded of when the man kicked him in the face hard enough to make blood run down his nose.

Not really thinking about what he was doing, Kasuka stood up and ran as fast as he could in the direction of the door, only remembering that his ankle was chained when he ended up tripping and then falling face down on the wooden floor. Slon was upon him the very next second, spouting insults and curses in Russian as he dragged him back and threw him on the bed.

"Tell me!" Slon roared. His control was slipping away and his pants felt tight around the crotch area but he didn't want to go through with it even though he desperately needed relief from this burning obsession that wasn't giving him peace. The mere thought of it felt wrong, as equally wrong as it had felt that day, and yet he couldn't pull away from the one he was pinning down on the bed.

As the bone-chilling fear gripped his senses at the sight of the bulge in Slon's pants, all Kasuka could do was shake his head and hope that he wouldn't be torn too badly. He was so terrified by it that he didn't even see the Russian raise a fist and only felt it when it impacted the left side of his face, the strength behind the blow enough to nearly send him plummeting into unconsciousness.

"Tell me!" Slon demanded again, this time pulling Kasuka up and throwing him down on the floor where he proceeded to viciously kick him in the stomach until he finally succeeded in reigning in his fury and chose to leave the room before it was too late and he ended up either killing or raping Hanejima Yuuhei.

.

After Izaya left, Shizuo got dressed, picked up the phone and the key and went to the police station to see the Sawazaki guy who was probably still waiting for him to state in writing that Izaya had nothing to do with the stabbing incident.

"I almost didn't recognize you," Sawazaki commented as he led him inside his office.

"I needed a change."

Sawazaki then motioned for Shizuo to take a seat. "I was starting to wonder if you'd forgotten or if you just don't care."

"I needed some time to get my strength back," Shizuo clarified.

"Ah, yes, you didn't look very well last time we talked."

"Coma does that to you," Shizuo mumbled, feeling slightly offended.

Sawazaki raised his eyes from the document he was reviewing and gave Shizuo a mocking look. "Really? Coma gives you bruises and a split lip?"

Shizuo coughed awkwardly but said nothing, very much aware that Sawazaki knew the truth anyway.

"So you still stand by what you said? That Orihara Izaya wasn't the one who stabbed you?" Sawazaki asked as he pushed the papers in Shizuo's direction, looking irritated.

"Yeah."

"But I thought you said that you don't know who stabbed you. For all you know, it could have been Orihara Izaya."

Shizuo's hand froze in mid-air just as he was about to pick up the pen.

"Isn't that right?" Sawazaki continued, hoping that by pushing him, the man would tell the truth.

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

"Heiwajima-san?"

"I can smell the flea's stench a mile away," Shizuo finally said as he picked up the pen and signed the papers. "It wasn't him."

Sawazaki shook his head in disappointment and sighed softly. "Then I guess we're done here."

Shizuo stood up and made his way to the door. "There's one thing I'd like to know before I leave," Shizuo said as he pressed the door handle. "Are you one of the people working on finding my brother?"

"No, but I can assure you that the people who are on the case are doing everything in their power to find him."

"Thanks," Shizuo said, frowning, and walked out, now more than ever having zero faith in the people who failed to catch Izaya after stabbing him and leaving him to die.


	77. Frozen Flower

With Shizuo gone, Shinra was finally able to visit Izaya. He'd been worried sick about his friend ever since he heard that Izaya was letting Shizuo stay in his apartment and he couldn't understand for the life of him why someone would choose to put themselves in danger like that. Luckily, Izaya looked surprisingly fine for someone who had spent some time caring for a monster. "Are you sure he didn't hurt you?" Shinra asked again, finding it hard to believe that no incident had taken place during that time.

With a roll of his eyes and a long sigh, Izaya reclined against the back of the couch until he was staring at the ceiling. "Nothing happened besides Shizu-chan being his usual idiotic self."

Shinra's eyes narrowed into slits as Izaya words reached his ears. "So something _did_ happen!" he hissed. "What did he do?"

Izaya shook his head, still not looking at Shinra. "It wasn't a big deal."

"If it wasn't such a big deal, then telling me what happened shouldn't be a problem."

"We had an argument and he chased me around the apartment," Izaya finally revealed since he was too tired to argue with Shinra.

"Did he touch you? I _warned_ him not to touch you!"

"I said I'm _fine!"_ Izaya snapped and raised his head to look at Shinra, no longer in the mood to talk about something he didn't want to recall. "We argued and he chased me around the place but nothing happened." Shinra might've seen him at his worst, but Izaya was still not comfortable with telling the doctor that he had panic attacks even though he assumed that Shinra already knew or at least suspected. "Anyway, how are you?"

With Izaya no longer willing to talk, Shinra thought it'd be best he changed the subject since he didn't want to anger his friend. "I'm sad, so very sad!" Shinra complained in a whiny voice. "I barely see Celty anymore since she's always going out, either looking for Kasuka on her own or with Ruri."

Izaya chuckled darkly and picked Yuigadokusonmaru who was trying to get his attention. "I think Celty is trying to make it up to Shizuo by finding Kasuka. She thinks she's been a bad friend this whole time. What I'm more curious about is how she's going to make it up to me."

Shinra tore his eyes away from the cat to look at Izaya. "Why do you think that?"

"Because that's how Celty is," Izaya said as he rubbed his cheek against Yuigadokusonmaru's head.

"You're right," Shinra agreed, frowning. Celty was a kind soul and someone like her couldn't take Shizuo's side after what her friend had done, which meant that she had no choice but to either help both or neither of them. It was the only way to lessen the guilt and to help out her friend. That aside, there was one thing bothering him. "What are you doing with Kasuka's cat?" Shinra couldn't help but ask because he was certain that it was Kasuka's cat and yet it made no sense for Izaya to have it.

"Ruri wanted Shizu-chan to take care of it for a few days but he wasn't here when she dropped by so I convinced her to leave Doku-chan with me."

Shinra blinked a few times in disbelief. "Try not to kill it, okay? Kasuka cares about Yuigadokusonmaru a lot and he'd be heartbroken if something were to happen to it."

"If he's even still alive," Izaya mentioned it since there was a high probability the actor was already dead.

Shinra was about to argue that wasn't necessarily the case when they heard a knock on the door and Izaya got up to see who it was.

"Shizu-chan, what are you doing here?" Izaya asked, surprised, since he didn't think the mutt would come looking for him so soon after kicking him out.

"I went to the police station to declare that you weren't the one who stabbed me, but when I tried to go back to the apartment, I couldn't find it," Shizuo mumbled as he walked past Izaya and into the apartment, not really bothering to wait for an invitation. That's when his eyes caught sight of a frightened Shinra moving away from the couch and he saw _red._

_"You!"_ Shizuo growled and started running after a terrified Shinra who was screaming like someone was cutting into him. When compared to Izaya, Shinra seemed to be running at a snail's pace, so it didn't take Shizuo more than a few seconds to get his hands on the sadistic doctor whose bones he vowed to break if he ever caught him. Before Shinra even had a chance to beg, Shizuo grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the wall, hard enough to almost knock him out.

"Shizu-chan, stop!" Izaya screeched when he realized that Shizuo might actually kill Shinra with how angry he was, but the beast wasn't stopping and was instead squeezing Shinra's arm.

"I can't," Shizuo hissed as he struggled to fight the impulse to break Shinra's arm. He wanted to do it so badly but Izaya was telling him not to and for some reason he didn't want to upset Izaya more than he already had.

Seeing how Shinra was starting to turn blue with how hard Shizuo was squeezing his neck, Izaya knew that if he didn't act soon, his friend might die, so he did the only thing he could think of that didn't involve stabbing Shizuo in the back. "Bad Shizu-chan!" he admonished him with a hard smack on the head, surprising Shizuo enough to make him release Shinra who collapsed on the ground, struggling for air.

"What the fuck, flea?" Shizuo exclaimed in surprise since he couldn't believe that Izaya had just treated him like a dog in front of Shinra. If anything, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so embarrassed.

"You were killing him!" Izaya snapped as he pointed at Shinra who was coughing and struggling to breathe, at the same time hoping that he hadn't angered Shizuo enough to get attacked himself.

Shizuo gasped, feeling somewhat offended that Izaya would think him capable of killing Shinra. "I was not!" he tried to defend himself, but when his eyes fell upon a still rather pale-looking Shinra gasping for air, he realized that he might've used too much force.

Izaya shook his head and pointed in the direction of the upstairs bedroom. "Go wait in there for a while, until you've calm down."

"But I―"

"Go!"

"But―"

"Shizu-chan, go or so help me, I will stab you in the face," Izaya growled the warning as he pulled out his switchblade and flicked it open. Luckily, Shizuo seemed to have gotten the message since he headed in the direction of the stairs, mumbling about killing as he usually did whenever someone pissed him off. As soon as the beast was out of sight, Izaya crouched in front of Shinra to inspect the damage. "Are you okay? Can you get up?"

Shinra couldn't even nod let alone speak with how badly his throat hurt, so he grabbed Izaya by the arm and his friend helped him up. He almost couldn't believe that he was still alive, seeing how Shizuo had beat up people into unconsciousness for a lot less while he himself got him tortured and nearly killed. Shinra took the glass of water Izaya offered him with a trembling hand and slowly sipped on it, thanking the heavens and any forces that might be for getting to live another day after angering Ikebukuro's monster.

Upstairs, Shizuo was pacing the room, still trying to calm down after nearly breaking Shinra's neck and arm. He felt no regrets towards attacking Shinra, not after what the sadistic doctor had done to him. If anything, he still regretted not having broken at least one of Shinra's arms, but then he remembered that he had actually broken one of Shinra's arms in the past and decided to simply let it go. Besides, when they finally have found Kasuka, they might need Shinra's help. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too long before Izaya found something which could lead them to Kasuka and the kidnapper.

Speaking of Izaya, Shizuo couldn't help but notice that the flea still hadn't changed the sheets since kicking him out of the apartment. If anything, the bed looked untouched, as though no one had slept in it, so either Izaya had been too tired to change the sheets or the flea was crazy enough to throw out the bed and buy a new one. One again he felt like shit for having intruded on Izaya's life like that. At least that meant he wouldn't have to keep standing, so he stopped pacing and was about to sit down on the bed when he heard a scratching sound at the door. Curious as to what it was, he opened it slowly and that's when he saw what looked exactly like Kasuka's cat.

Confused, he picked it up in his arms for a closer inspection, thus confirming that was indeed his brother's cat. "Hey, Yuigadokusonmaru, what are you doing here with Izaya?"

The cat meowed and climbed up to Shizuo's shoulder and then on top of his head. Shizuo could do nothing but frown and wait for Shinra to leave so that he could ask Izaya what he was doing with Kasuka's cat. Luckily, he didn't have to wait for long since Izaya showed up less than ten minutes later, wearing an irritated expression on his face.

"I can't believe you―" Izaya started but suddenly stopped when he noticed the cat sitting comfortably on top of Shizuo's head. Despite the shitty mood he was in, he couldn't help but burst into laughter. "Ahh ha ha ha! This is priceless," he said as he fished out his phone and snapped a picture of Shizuo. "Just priceless!"

"What the fuck, flea?" Shizuo growled as grabbed Izaya by the front of his T-shirt and raised him high in the air until Izaya was barely standing on his toes. Sadly, it didn't look like Izaya cared since the bastard couldn't stop laughing. "Why did you take a picture of me? Give me that phone!" Shizuo snapped and tried to snatch it out of Izaya's hands, but the flea flicked open his switchblade and pressed it to his neck before Shizuo even saw him take it out of his pocket.

"I thought we agreed that you wouldn't touch me without permission," Izaya reminded him.

"But you took my picture without permission!" Shizuo argued.

Izaya's frown turned into an innocent smile. "I took a picture of Doku-chan who just so happened to be sitting on top of your head."

"But I'm still in the pic―"

"That's no different than Doku-chan sitting on my desk or the couch," Izaya continued in a sweet voice even as he pressed the blade harder. "Now let go before I slit your throat."

Disturbed by Izaya's creepy smile, Shizuo finally let go. "Bastard," he muttered as he shoved his hands inside the pockets of his pants. "Is Shinra gone?"

"I called a cab for him and told the driver to take him to the hospital. I also called Sakamoto and told him to take a look at Shinra. He wasn't very happy about it," Izaya recalled as he approached Shizuo and picked up Yuigadokusonmaru.

"Oi, what are you doing with my brother's cat?" Shizuo asked, frowning.

"Ruri came by because she needed you to take care of Doku-chan for a few days, but since you weren't here, she left him with me," Izaya told Shizuo who was just standing there like an idiot, most likely finding it hard to believe that Ruri would trust him with Kasuka's cat. "I don't enjoy torturing animals, just so you know."

"Oh, right, you only enjoy torturing humans; I forgot that," Shizuo replied sarcastically.

"I don't want to hear that from someone who gets off on someone else's pain," Izaya hissed before he turned on his heels and walked out of the room, body trembling with how angry he was.

Shizuo cursed under his breath and followed Izaya down the stairs, feeling completely guilty for having upset him again. "Just give me the address and the cat and I'll go," Shizuo said as he stopped in front of Izaya's desk and watched the man pet Yuigadokusonmaru's head.

"Doku-chan stays with me," Izaya announced without so much as looking at the beast threatening to take away the one thing he enjoyed having around. "I said that I will take care of him and I will. I actually love cats, so you don't have to worry about me hurting him, seeing how I even took care of the mutt I most despise," Izaya reminded him as he shot him a nasty glare. He then took out his phone and sent a message to Shizuo's phone. "I just texted you the address, so be on your way now, mutt."

Seeing how Yuigadokusonmaru appeared to be well taken care of, Shizuo conceded that perhaps it was best for Kasuka's cat to remain there. Besides, he didn't know how to take care of it anyway. "Fine, you can keep Yuigadokusonmaru, but if something happens to it, I'll fucking kill you."

"Ha! As if you could afford to kill me!" Izaya mocked, smirking. "You're just a mutt, lower than even Doku-chan in status."

Shizuo glowered but said nothing.

"That's what I thought~" Izaya said in a sinsong voice as he raised a hand and pointed somewhere behind Shizuo. "Don't let the door hit you on your way out."

Without another word, Shizuo turned around and left, eye twitching in irritation. "Damn you, flea," he muttered only after he closed the door. "Damn you."

.

Shinra was hoping that he wouldn't have to see Sakamoto, but the man was already waiting for him outside the hospital when the car stopped. Irritated, he slammed the door a bit too hard and headed in the doctor's direction.

"It's good to see you too," Sakamoto greeted him in a sarcastic voice as he extended a hand and pulled at Shinra's collar to have a better look at the bruised neck. "You really made Shizuo angry this time, huh?"

Since talking still hurt too much, Shinra took out his phone to type. [I regret nothing,] he told the doctor who shook his head, grabbed him by the lab coat and started pulling him towards the door. [I don't need anything. I'm fine.]

"Izaya asked me to take a look at you and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

[I already said I'm fine. I should know since I too am a doctor, remember?]

Frowning, Sakamoto pulled him inside the elevator. "I'm only doing what Izaya asked, so stop giving me a hard time."

[Since when do you do what Izaya asks of you?]

"Since he threatened to slice me up real good if I don't make sure you're okay," Sakamoto muttered and pulled Shinra out of the elevator when the door opened.

All Shinra could think of as Sakamoto dragged him in the direction of his office to better inspect the damage was that Izaya was being too overprotective and that for some strange reason, he didn't really mind.

.

The sun had only just set when Slon went back to check on his prisoner and found Kasuka still lying on the floor, violently trembling and with his arms tightly wrapped around his bruised stomach. Worried that the actor might really die, he picked him up in his arms and then carried him over to the bed where he laid him down gently and pulled away skinny arms to inspect the damage he'd caused earlier that day when he lost his temper.

"D-Don't t-touch me!" Kasuka snarled even though he knew he sounded pathetic.

"Calm down; I'm only going to take a look at your injuries," Slon said in nicest tone he could muster since he couldn't help but feel horrible for bringing Hanejima Yuuhei to such a deplorable state. Unlike his previous victims, Kasuka was someone he liked and while at times he couldn't help but explode and hurt the man, he still didn't want to kill him. "I'll be right back," he promised and stormed out of the room, not even bothering to close the door. He came back a few minutes later, carrying several clothing articles in one hand and a blanket in the other.

Kasuka's eyes widened in disbelief and he would've rubbed at them to make sure he wasn't hallucinating but he no longer had the energy to even lift an arm let alone to get dressed by himself. Slon also seemed to be aware of that since the Russian proceeded to dress him himself, the man's hands luckily never lingering for too long in any one spot. The clothes were much too big for him but they were warm and that was more than Kasuka could ask for given the situation. He was still trembling and the feeling of ice sloshing through his veins was still very much present, but at least his body was no longer exposed to the Russian's hungry eyes and the cold air.

"W-Why?" he couldn't help but ask as he curled into a tight ball, hoping to warm up faster.

"You're useless to me dead," Slon told him as he wrapped the blanket around the actor. "I'll be right back," he then said and left the room, once again leaving the door open.

Kasuka looked at it for a few moments as he contemplated the idea of escaping, but he soon gave up on it knowing that he wouldn't get very far. His eyes then moved to the uncuffed chain lying on the floor and he laughed bitterly at the irony of it all. He was free to run away since Slon had uncuffed his ankle to put on the pants, and yet he had no energy to do so. That and he feared what might happen to him if he even attempted such a thing. In the end, he quietly sat there, waiting for his captor to return.

"I brought you some food," Slon said as he walked into the room around fifteen minutes later, carrying a bowl of hot instant soup and a sandwich which he placed on the small table near the bed. "I'll give you this food if you at least tell me one thing."

Kasuka's eyes moved from the sandwich and settled on Slon's bandaged face.

"You said that what happened back then wasn't your fault. Does that mean Izaya used you to take revenge on your brother?"

Seeing no harm in answering since Slon probably thought Shizuo was dead anyway, Kasuka nodded slowly before his eyes moved back to the sandwich.

Now that Slon knew for a fact that Kasuka was completely innocent, he felt more than a bit guilty for doing this to the actor, but he still couldn't let him go before finding out the whole truth. In the meantime, he had to make sure the actor didn't starve or freeze to death, so he sat down on the bed next to him, picked up the spoon, scooped some soup and raised it to Kasuka's mouth who was looking at him as though he'd gone mad. "Eat."

Kasuka's dry mouth watered a bit at the sight of the spoon filled with hot soup hovering in front of his face but he didn't open it even though he was dying of hunger. He'd been humiliated too much already and he doubted he would ever be able to live it down even if he ever got out of there alive.

"Open your mouth," Slon ordered and moved the spoon closer to Kasuka's face until it was touching what looked like almost blue lips.

When the hunger finally won over his own pride, Kasuka swallowed the saliva gathered in his mouth and slowly parted his lips, eyes nearly turning in his head when he was assaulted by the strong taste of what he could only describe as the most delicious soup he had ever tasted. He didn't even care that he was being fed by his kidnapper, and he continued to eat even though he was feeling full and his stomach was starting to hurt. "Sandwich p-please," he requested in a low voice.

Slon picked up the sandwich and brought it to Kasuka's mouth, but his prisoner only took three bites out of it before turning his head to the side and refusing to eat. "You don't like it?" he asked with a frown as he placed the sandwich back on the plate and picked up the spoon again, thinking that the actor preferred the soup over the sandwich he'd made for him.

"Full," Kasuka said in a tired voice as he closed his eyes.

Slon was about to argue that Kasuka hadn't eaten much, but he realized that the man's stomach had probably shrunk after going without food for twelve days. In the end, he concluded that what the actor needed was some sleep instead of more food. He knew better than to underestimate Kasuka though, so he picked up the chain and cuffed it to the man's ankle before helping him lie down and covering him with the blanket. "We'll talk again tomorrow."

Kasuka heard the door close and then Slon locking it but it didn't bother him as much as it did the past couple of weeks since for the first time in a very long time he was feeling like a human being again instead of an animal or a piece of meat. As he lay there in bed, curled into a tight ball and enjoying warmth he hadn't felt since he fell asleep with Ruri in his arms, he blinked rapidly to chase away the tears threatening to fall. Whether it was because he was sad or because he'd been shown kindness just as he was starting to believe that he was going to either die of hunger or cold and that he would never get to see his loved ones again, he did not know, but what he did know was that he didn't want to die and that he was grateful to Slon for having treated him like a human being if only for that one afternoon.


End file.
